Last Love Found
by Oracle Vas
Summary: When everything a person wants is wrong for them, what choice should they make? Should they stick with the bad and hope for the best or choose the good and live with the pain of losing what they want most? I didn't have an answer. All I had was Jasper.
1. Chapter 1

**Sequel to First Love Lost. **

**Author's note: Characters are all human and OOC. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight. **

**If you haven't read the first story, you might be lost if you jump into this one. **

**The story takes place almost three years after the beginning of First Love Lost. Bella is going into her junior year of college. Most of the main characters from the first story will be in the sequel. James, Angela, Ben, and Charlie are all characters who will not be featured at all. A few new characters will be introduced. All of them will be my spin on their Twilight counterparts. Also, anyone expecting Jasper to pop up at the beginning of the story will be disappointed. The beginning is very much about Bella and establishing where she is in her life right now.**

***** Just a reminder because I know a few people missed them. There are four Jasper POVs attached to the end of First Love Lost. A few things from them will be referenced in this story. You may want to search them out if you didn't see them the first time around. They immediately follow the epilogue.**

**Enough of my yapping. Happy reading, and I hope you all enjoy the story. **

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**Last Love Found**  
Chapter 1 - New Beginning, Old Reminders

My last stop before reaching my destination was a small gas station in Post, TX. I had four hours of travel left after spending the last week leisurely driving from Seattle, WA, to my new home in Sterling, TX. When I finally arrived, I will have traveled 2500 miles. What was a girl like me doing so far south? I was finding a new life and revisiting an old one.

I was moving in with my brother, Emmett, and his best friend, Edward Cullen. Two years ago, they had both moved to Texas after graduating from Forks High. My brother was offered a football scholarship to Texas West, a university known for its high caliber athletic program as well as its superior academics. While Emmett's primary focus was football, Edward's was his pre-med course work.

The house I would be living in had been Emmett and Edward's home now for the past year. They lived on campus their first year but moved to this house their sophomore year. It was a nice two story with four bedrooms and three baths. Esme and Carlisle bought the place as an investment property and planned on selling it when we finished school. They charged the guys a set amount of rent, which I would now be helping with. To help cover expenses, Edward and Emmett rented out the basement apartment.

All things considered, it was a pretty sweet setup. Emmett used his half of the money that Renee and Phil left us to cover his portion. I would find a part-time job to help cover mine. I didn't have a scholarship like my brother. My money was used on tuition and books.

Four hours after my last pit stop, my road trip was over. Emmett was waiting in the front yard of his house with Edward by his side. I had last seen them over the holidays several months prior. Our time apart had seen our bonds strengthen in spite of the distance between us. It was helped along when both of their relationships ended in a similar fashion to mine and Jasper's. Emmett and Rose had split up shortly after I left Forks. Alice and Edward's breakup followed shortly thereafter.

The previous two years saw my relationship with my brother improve but left me alone in almost every other way. My friendship with Angela was the only one I took with me beyond Forks. We didn't attend the same school and eventually drifted apart after the first year. Making friends in college proved difficult for me. Past experience told me that they wouldn't last, which made me feel that I shouldn't even bother.

Jacob and I had maintained a close friendship, but it faltered when I elected to join my brother in Texas. What hurt the most was that Jacob gave me two months before I got scared again and ran back to Washington. Given my history, I could hardly blame him, but his lack of faith in me still hurt.

The other members of the group, Jasper, Alice, and Rose, were a mystery. All I knew for certain was that wherever Jasper was the girls were close by. Those three would never be far apart from one another. I was terribly curious about where they were and what they were doing, but Edward and Emmett hardly ever mentioned their names. Too much love still existed for it to be a topic open to discussion. They mirrored Jasper and me in that way. All three couples suffered from too much too soon.

When I stepped out of my car, I was enveloped in a huge hug. Emmett still didn't know his own strength. "Welcome home, Bells."

If possible, my brother was even larger now than the last time I saw him. "Em, I need to breathe," I choked out.

"Sorry," he said as he let me go.

Edward grabbed me for a quick hug. "It took you long enough to get here."

I knew he was referring to the two years rather than my drive down here. They both had been pestering me to come down to Texas the whole time we were apart. "I'm here now."

"Yes, you are," he said as he gave me another hug.

My relationship with Edward had changed by leaps and bounds. We were as close to a brother and sister as you could get without the blood. When I wasn't on the phone with Emmett, I was talking to Edward. In the spring of my sophomore year in college, it was him that ultimately convinced me to come to Texas.

With their help, I was unpacked and moved in within an hour of my arrival. They were now giving me a quick tour of the house. The second floor had all three of our bedrooms and two bathrooms, one of which the guys shared. The main floor had an open floor plan with a large living area and an updated kitchen.

A few hours later, we were sitting in the living room waiting for the lasagna to finish cooking. My one chore was food, which seemed like a fair trade. Emmett was in charge of vacuuming and trash, while Edward took care of the dishes and the dusting. The yard work was left to their tenant in exchange for cheaper rent.

"I was thinking tomorrow we could show you around town," Emmett suggested.

"Sounds good."

"It will have to be in the afternoon, though. I'll be at the gym in the morning."

Edward snickered. "You're at the gym every morning."

"That reminds me. I need to give you my extra game pass when the season starts. You'll have to sit next to this punk," Emmett said as he threw a tennis ball at Edward. "But I'm sure you won't mind."

I was actually looking forward to seeing my brother play. I had only managed to watch one of his games on television. He didn't get much playing time during those first two seasons but was expected to start this year. It would be nice seeing him play again in person. Edward and I had already made plans to attend all of the away games.

The slamming of a car door got my attention. "Are you expecting someone?"

Neither one of them seemed to want to answer. After a minute, Edward finally spoke up. "It's Laurent. He moved down here six months ago after he had a falling out with Jasper."

I flinched at the dreaded name being spoken out loud. I could think the name. Hell, I could read the name, but what I couldn't take was saying it or hearing it.

"I'm sorry," Edward said removing me from Jasper hell for a moment. "We should have told you, but we didn't know if you would come."

Laurent. I had only met him once, and it was on one of the worst nights of my life. Just thinking about him and that time made my legs start to tingle with the need to run.

Emmett sensed my need for escape. "You only just got here. I don't want you leaving again. You have to get over this shit, Bells."

As much as it irked, I knew he was right. I had been running since that day I left Jasper two and a half years ago. So much of my life had become a game of avoiding the pain. I didn't make friends. I didn't date. It was a hollow attempt at making sure I never grew attached to anyone or anything. When I found myself starting to grow interested in someone, I bailed on them. I lost count of the number of almost friends I made and the number of offers from guys that I ignored. My life was empty, and I only just recently decided that I should change that.

It wasn't any one thing that made me wake up to the world again. One day, I just got lonely. It started when I saw the familiar faces walk by me as I sat on my favorite bench. I had become quite the people watcher. The same people walked by me at the same times every day. They were living their lives while I was hiding from the very thought of having one.

People could have normal relationships. Friendship was possible. I knew these things, but my heart would start its erratic thump. My stomach would clinch into knots, and I would walk away. The thought of allowing someone close hurt me physically. I could blame it on Jasper or my relationship with my father, but the truth was that I did this to myself. I was my own worst enemy. A smile from a stranger was met with cool eyes. A kind word was met with suspicion. My body language was a signal to one and all to move on and ignore the sad girl with the lost love and the faraway look in her eyes. I didn't want to know anyone, and it was mostly because I didn't want to know me.

My vision of myself was clouded with a stark awareness of just how destructive and selfish I was. People's lives were hurt by my actions. No further evidence was needed than Edward and Emmett. Their relationships ended as a result of my leaving Forks. Emmett didn't want anything to do with Jasper and eventually Rose chose her cousin over my brother. Edward and Alice tried to hold on, but it became more and more difficult as clear lines in the sand were drawn. When all was said and done, the bonds of friendship were broken. Hurricane Bella left only two houses standing, and they couldn't coexist.

A strong hand squeezed one of my own. "I just want you to be happy." Emmett's voice brought me back to the present.

_You've learned from your mistakes. Make a friend. Give Laurent a chance._

I smiled absently and reached around Emmett to open the door.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

_Living again._

"I'm going to invite him to eat with us."

With not so steady legs, I made my way down to the basement apartment and knocked on his door.

The door opened after a short wait. I found myself staring up into familiar green eyes. "I didn't think you would come see me."

Laurent had changed since the last time I had seen him. His dark hair was cut short, and his face looked older. There was a level of maturity to him that I didn't see in people my own age. If I remembered correctly, he should be around twenty-four, and it was a number that looked really good on him.

My memories of him were a bit foggy. We had spent only a small amount of time together, but I had a positive feeling when I looked at him. "I thought you might like to eat dinner with us," I offered.

He ducked his head and smiled. "One question. What are your circumstances now?"

I laughed. "They are free and clear, but I still don't date."

"We'll just have to work on that, won't we?" He stepped out of his apartment closing the door behind him.

With much more confidence going up the stairs than I had coming down, I led him to the kitchen door. When we walked inside, Emmett and Edward stopped in the middle of their conversation. I could tell that they hadn't expected him to join us.

Edward spoke first, "I took the lasagna out. The timer went off."

Dinner started out quietly. It slowly erupted into story telling time as all three guys told stories about their time in Forks together.

Some of them were funny. Like the story about Alice's horrific Halloween party that left all three of them and both girls dyed alien green from the costumes she insisted that they wear. Jasper was the lone hold out, of course. Getting him to dress up would have been impossible. There was a story behind that, but no one would tell me.

Another story was sad. Laurent talked about the time a friend of his was killed in a car accident after a party. The kid had been drinking and lost control. It was what motivated Alice to start hiring people to watch over her parties. No one was allowed to drink and drive. Designated drivers were mandatory if a person wanted to attend.

The story that was the most revealing was when all three of them talked about going camping with Laurent and his dad. It was during this story that I found out that Laurent was Jasper's cousin on his dad's side of the family. That information explained a whole heck of a lot. His branch of the family didn't have the money or influence that Rosalie and Jasper's side had. They were not poor by any stretch of the imagination, but they were by no means wealthy.

After dinner, Emmett and Edward cleaned up the kitchen while Laurent and I sat in the living room talking. I found out that he was working as an assistant to the strength and conditioning coach at the university. It didn't surprise me. He was in very good shape.

After chatting for about an hour, Laurent made his excuses and left for the evening. I was disappointed when he left. Talking to him was surprisingly easy. He made me smile often with his subtle flirting and silly stories about my brother. Having him around was going to be a good thing. I was already enjoying my time in my new home and wondering just what the hell took me so long to get down here.

* * * * * *

My first two weeks in Texas were relaxing and hot. The temperatures were averaging around 100 degrees on most days. Not a single drop of moisture fell, and judging from what I had seen, there wouldn't be any for a long time. I wasn't complaining so much as just observing how different the weather was. To tell the truth, I really liked it. The change made me feel like I was living a new life.

My time with Emmett was limited by just how busy he was. When he wasn't at the gym, he was at school. It would only get worse as the season grew closer. We made a point to spend the evening together along with Edward. Watching old movies together became a routine for us. Every night one of us would pick a channel. My brother liked war movies. Edward liked old gangster movies. I liked anything without romance.

Edward's schedule wasn't any less busy than Emmett's. He spent most of his free time volunteering at the hospital where Carlisle worked. His parents lived in a small town that was just a twenty minute drive outside of this one. The day after I arrived, Edward brought me to visit them. Though we had talked on the phone, it was the first time I had seen them since Christmas. True to form, they hugged me like a long lost daughter. In truth, I felt like one.

Laurent floated in and out of the picture for most of those two weeks. Some nights he would join us, but others he would be out with friends. During the day, he spent most of his time at the school. He was just as busy as Emmett in that respect.

As for me, I was exploring the surrounding small towns. I picked a different one every day and would eat lunch in the smallest restaurant I found. It guaranteed me a conversation with many of the locals, who enjoyed sharing their stories. My initial motive was to get out and start meeting people again. I had always felt more comfortable around people who were older than me. The conversation flowed easy, and they appreciated the company as much as I did. It seemed like a nice test run before school started back up soon.

I never anticipated that I would become so enamored with small town life. I revisited towns every few days and was greeted warmly by the people who I had met. They were so welcoming and kind. It really made me feel like I finally had a taste of Texas. It was truly like every other place, only a little more relaxed. My previous visions of the state included cowboys and tons of livestock. I found that, but it wasn't what really made the towns I visited. They were made up of everyday people who lived simple lives and loved family. They weren't stereotypes; they were themselves.

* * * * * *

The middle of July brought with it record temperatures and a new job. I was now a part-time clerk at a small bookstore located just off campus. My first week of work was a disaster. The cash register hated me, and the owner, an elderly gentleman by the name of Aro, thought that hitting on the help was acceptable behavior.

Now when I mentioned hitting on the help, what I really meant was that the old coot kept hitting me in the butt with his cane. Every five seconds, I would hear his gravely voice order me around and then punctuate the words with a light smack from his walking stick.

"Stock those books, Bella." _Smack._

"Check those customers out." _Smack._

"Go on break." _Smack._

"You have something on the back of your pants." _Smack._

Yeah, that something was his cane hitting my ass.

At first, it made me mad. Then, it started to grate on my feminist feelings. A week into it, I just started to laugh. He would likely have offended others, but I was onto his game.

Aro wasn't a bad person. He was just a silly fool who wanted to make me smile. I think he saw something in me that told him I needed a laugh. His answer was to push my buttons until he found my breaking point. It started with the cane, which he stopped doing after I threatened to break it over his hard head. With that option gone, he moved to nicknames.

Bee Bee came first. Bella Bug and Brat followed. The _B_ words got to be redundant so he moved to my last name. Swan Lake was a particular favorite for him and lasted the better part of my second Monday. When that got old, he decided to call me Crow's Feet, which I abhorred. After trying out all the possible varieties of names that his mind could muster, he finally found his favorite. Aro now called me Brown Eyes, which I loved.

He always said it with a twinkle in his eyes and a wink to punctuate the two words. It added a sort of lightness to our interactions, and I soon found myself growing quite fond of him. Everyday he would greet me warmly and give me a list of busy work a mile long. I would complain like a brat just so I could hear him threaten to fire me.

Aro was a sensitive soul. His wife was the one who originally opened the store. She didn't really like books. What she enjoyed were the college students. She told him that they made her feel young. Ten years ago, those feelings came to an end when she was stricken with a rare blood cancer. After she died, Aro came out of retirement and ran the store in her memory. He kept a smile on his face and a laugh in his heart as he let her legacy live on.

I walked out of the back room and made my way to the register at the front of the store. Aro was sitting in his favorite wing chair that he positioned just next to the register. He liked to tease me by saying that it was his way of keeping me honest.

"Hey, Brown Eyes. Did you get that list done?" he asked in usual gruff voice.

I smiled. "I always do."

"Figures. Can't you slack off and give me something to complain about?"

"If it makes you feel better, I might have forgotten to dust the reference section."

Aro tapped his cane on the floor. "Lazy brat."

"Old goat," I threw back with a smile.

A lyrical voice interrupted our exchange. "Call him Old Fart. He likes it better."

_Victoria._

I turned to greet my new friend and co-worker. She was one of the best things about working here. Her warm nature invited you in and made you want to spill your secrets. Aro hired her just a few days after he hired me, and the two of us had become fast friends.

With her flaming red hair that fell in wild curls around her shoulders, Victoria was hard to miss. She walked into a room and all eyes were on her in a flash. It wasn't just her beauty that caught people's attention. It was her alarming fashion sense. Being colorblind made it difficult for her to put together an outfit that matched. Rather than fill her closet with clothes she knew she could coordinate, she played up the difference between herself and others.

Her clothes were a rainbow of crazy. Today was red jeans with purple boots. She paired them with a black vest over a green and white striped polo shirt. The finishing touch was the multiple wallet chains that ran from her belts loops creating a skirt of metal links around her waist.

Victoria was an original, and I loved that about her.

She linked our arms together and leaned her head on my shoulder. "We should play hide and seek. You can go first."

It was another one of her odd suggestions. She was always bored and looking for a way to amuse herself. On the first day I met her, she ran to the sporting goods store and bought some foam balls to play dodge ball with. She quickly learned that throwing a foam ball was as pointless as an unsharpened pencil.

The bell on the front door rang announcing the last customer of the day. As I turned to greet them, I was momentarily struck dumb. In pranced one of the last people I would have ever expected. With her ballerina's grace and radiant spirit, I would have recognized her if she was wearing a bag over head. No one moved like her. No one had her glow.

_Alice._

I felt all the blood drain from my face. My stomach clinched into a painful knot, and my heart did a little flutter reminding me that it still lived. I stood perfectly still as I watched her walk to the history section.

_What the hell was she doing here? And what the hell do I say to her?_

Victoria whispered in my ear. "Are you okay, Bella?"

No, I was anything but okay. Memories of another life flashed in front of my eyes. An unused classroom. A spoiled boy. A selfish girl. A bad decision. A coward's way out. After all this time, why did she have to show up now?

Aro stood up and moved next to us. "Who is she?" he asked.

I turned and smiled weakly at my very concerned boss. "She's an old friend. I haven't seen her in a few years."

"Well, go talk to her."

_Sure, and I'll follow that up by jumping out of a plane. _

In my book, Alice was synonymous with Jasper, and he was synonymous with a pain in my chest that had only just gone away. I couldn't handle it. I had to get out of here before she could see me.

I untied my apron and threw it behind the counter. "I have to go. I'll see you two tomorrow. Please, don't tell her that I work here."

Before either of them could protest, I flew out the front door and ran across the parking lot to my car. I didn't even bother with my seatbelt as I turned the key in the ignition and hit the gas. My car took off with a roar as I picked up speed quickly. I barely registered tapping the clutch and switching gears. My mind was entirely focused on escape.


	2. Chapter 2

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 2 - History Lessons

Within a few minutes, I was sitting in the driveway of the house I shared with Emmett and Edward. I turned off the ignition and sat in my car.

_Alice. _

Jasper was never far from Alice. He was here, in this town. Forget town. The truth was worse. He was in this car with me. I could hear him breathing next to me. His blue eyes were watching me. It was all in my head, but worse than that, it was in my heart. His smile. His touch. I could still feel him as much today as I could the last day I saw him.

_No. Not again. Please don't let them be here. _

I heard my fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel. I needed something to distract me. If I continued to sit in my car, I would start the long drive back to Washington. I would leave everything behind if I made the decision to run, clothing and belongings be damned.

Still considering my options, I looked back in my rearview mirror and saw Laurent's truck. Why did he have to be the only one home? It wasn't fair. I needed Emmett. I needed Edward. I needed someone. Laurent was a someone, but he wouldn't want to bother with me.

In the weeks that I had lived here, we had spent very little time together, and it was not enough to really become friends. He was always at school. The few evenings we had spent together had grown increasingly uncomfortable as I realized that I was attracted to him. He picked up on it and teased me mercilessly when Edward and Emmett were out of the room. It was irritating and challenging. Just when I thought we were making progress, he would disappear for a few days.

If I was honest, I had been attracted to him that first night we met. I thought back on Alice's party from so long ago. The night may have ended horribly with Jasper breaking up with me and then leaving with Lauren Mallory, but the beginning of my night had been pretty fun. I enjoyed talking with Laurent. Flirting with him had been fun and a sort of welcome change from the intensity that always existed between Jasper and me. Sure, he had turned into a jerk when Jasper showed up, but that was pretty much universal. Something about Jasper just brought out the worst in people.

Right now, Laurent was the perfect diversion for my mind. I stepped out of my car and slammed the door hard. My shoes made loud thuds as I stomped in the direction of the steps that led to the basement apartment. I made sure to continue the noise as I hit the stairs. Each step I took pounded out the rhythm of my new mood.

I knocked on the door and waited. And waited some more. Laurent heard me. I could tell by the volume change in the music that had become a whisper through the door. I sat down and began tapping my foot against the door. The thought of that sound annoying him made me smile. It didn't slip by me that I was acting childish and a little desperate, both of which were caused by the drama queen in me that was fighting to get out and go play with my past.

I focused my brain on a brand new color mantra. They always helped me calm down.

_Purple, red, blue swing your shoe. Purple, red, blue smell some glue. Purple, red, . . ._

After only a few cleansing color rhymes, I was rewarded with the cracking of the door. "Sorry. You caught me changing clothes."

"No biggie. I just came to say hello."

"Liar."

Well, he had me there. I came to distract myself from a past that I would rather not think about. I might as well be honest. "Fine. I needed a distraction, and you were the only person available."

Laurent stepped back and waved me inside. I walked in and let him lead me to the living room where I threw myself down on the sofa with a big sigh.

I glanced around the room and took in my surroundings. The space had a surprisingly open feel to it considering the fact that it was a basement apartment. Windows lined the upper part of three walls in the living area and let in plenty of light. It didn't feel the least bit claustrophobic. I actually really liked it.

The furniture was worn but still looked comfortable. No decorations hung on the white walls to give me a hint of the person who lived here. I had been hoping for something to tell me a little more about Laurent, but I was getting nothing from this space. Then again, one could argue that that did say something about him.

"Who made you cry?" he asked.

I brought my right hand up to my cheeks and found the tears that gave away my emotions. What kind of fool doesn't know when they are crying? This fool.

I brushed away the tears and sniffled. "I guess I made myself cry."

"Good."

What the hell was good about that? "Why is that good?"

His response made me smile. "I'm too tired to kick someone's ass."

The answer was sweet. "Why would you do that?"

Laurent moved to where he was sitting next to me. "That's a dumb question, and you're not a dumb girl. Are you, Bella?"

The sound of him saying my name caused an unfamiliar song to start playing in my head. I started to hum along with the tune as I allowed myself to get lost in my mind.

"Are you okay?" Laurent asked.

The music turned off as he broke me out of my odd little moment. "Yeah, I just got lost for a second. What were you saying?"

"No games. Just honesty," he answered. "I like you. The thought of someone making you cry pisses me off."

Okay. I was officially distracted. Really distracted. My brain was crippled. I wanted to say something that would make me look interesting but not too interested, if that made any sense.

My mouth ended up stumbling over a ridiculous observation. "You're not a blond."

_Dumbest observation ever. _The ghost of Jasper was standing in the corner of the room laughing at me.

Laurent furrowed his brow and turned his head. I wanted to slap myself in the forehead. Hell, talking about the weather would have been better than what I said.

"Is that good or bad?" he asked.

I felt my cheeks redden even further with embarrassment, which unsettled me more. I went on a rambling explanation. "Oh, it's good. I mean blond is great, but black hair is pretty, too. Not that you're pretty. Well, you're not ugly either, but you're not pretty like a girl. You are very nice looking but different. I mean different in a good way. You're not a freak show."

It was one of those times where I could hear the stupid words coming out of my mouth but couldn't stop saying them. I was stuck in an endless string of sentences that were the result of a malfunctioning filter. Laurent just continued to look down at me and would occasionally smile.

"When I was eleven, I went to a carnival that had a traveling group of what they called freaks of nature. It made me so sad. I cried on Emmett's shoulder for three hours. I haven't gone to a carnival since then. I loved the rides. My favorite was the tilt-a-whirl, and I love funnel cakes."

Laurent covered my mouth with one of his hands stopping my random string of nonsense. "Would you like to something to drink?"

He smelled like lemon scented anti-bacterial soap. It was a relief considering I really had no clue as to where his hands had been. Of course, I doubted that he would have put his hand over my mouth if it had been somewhere gross. Unless, he was a jerk, which was entirely possible but not probable.

_Shit. Now, my thoughts are rambling._

"Bella, would you like a glass of tea?" he asked slowly bringing me back to a more reasonable reality.

I nodded, and he lowered his hand from my mouth. When he walked into the kitchen, I went straight back into gibberish.

"I'm sorry. My thoughts aren't usually so random. Well, there was this one time with these animal crackers, but it was under special circumstances. And the Casper part of the conversation made perfect sense if you want to destroy a person's childlike love of a cartoon character, which wasn't my intention. I just wanted to hurt someone's feelings. Not that I'm a bad person."

My friend was trying to stifle a laugh, which jarred my brain into telling my mouth to shut the hell up. Why couldn't I string two sentences together that didn't make me sound like a dumbass? Why was he staring at me? Did I have something in my hair?

I ran a nervous hand through my hair and found nothing. I then brushed at my face hoping I would dislodge anything stuck to my skin. When I moved my hands to my shirt and started to straighten the collar, I realized that I must look like a twitchy junky. The thought made me carefully place my hands on the cushion of the sofa.

_Still hands are happy hands._

Laurent returned to the living room and handed me a glass. I took several drinks as I kept my mouth occupied with something other than nonsense. My companion continued to watch me without saying anything. A half smile on his face told me that he was aware of and amused by my nervousness. _Jerk._

I started to finger a loose thread on the cushion when he finally began to talk. "When I was thirteen, I had a crush on my English teacher, Mrs. Harris. She wore these thick glasses that made her eyes look huge, and my friends thought that she was funny looking. What they didn't know was that when she took them off, she was gorgeous. One day, I walked into class five minutes early and brought her a rose. When I went to hand it to her, I dropped it on the floor and then hit my head on her desk when I went to pick it up. I got embarrassed and tried to run out of the room, but I tripped on my feet and landed face first on the floor. I ended up with a bloody nose. Mrs. Harris helped me up and walked with me to the nurse's office. It was the most embarrassing day of my life."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

He took my now empty glass away from me and set it on the coffee table. "Because I want you to know why I will never bring you roses."

All of my nerves left me, and I started laughing. Thinking that it might have offended him, I slapped my hand over my mouth and looked up at him with wide eyes.

_Please, don't be mad that I laughed._

The bright smile on his face relieved my fears. "Feel better now?" he asked.

I nodded my head and dropped my hand. "I prefer tulips," I informed him with a wide grin.

"What color?"

"I've always liked yellow."

I turned to where I was facing him and leaned against the arm of the sofa. All the laughter was gone, and the room was quiet. The awkwardness I felt earlier was gone.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Yes."

We became quiet again as I studied his face. He wasn't handsome by ordinary standards, but his face had character. I wanted to know where he got the scar across his left eyebrow. I wanted to know when he broke his nose. I wanted to know why his eyes looked so hard and his lips so soft.

_Dammit, Bella. Don't think about his lips. _

"Tell me something about yourself. Something no one knows," Laurent requested.

I thought for a second. "I once stole a girl's text book in junior high because she made fun of my hair."

He grinned at me and shook his head. "And here I thought you were a good girl."

"I am a good girl," I insisted. "Now, what about you?"

"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a clown."

Picturing him as a clown was impossible. "So, I'm into petty larceny, and you're into makeup."

Laurent abruptly changed the subject at the mention of makeup. "Your brother warned me to be careful with you. He seems to think you're a feeble little thing, but I think he's wrong."

My jaw dropped. "He did not."

"Yes, he did. It was the day after you arrived. Him and Edward both talked to me about keeping my distance."

I was suddenly very pissed off. "They shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry."

"They care a lot about you and wanted to protect you."

From what? "You're their friend. Why would they worry about you?"

"I don't have the best reputation with women. I can't really blame them."

_Like cousin, like cousin. _Did I know how to pick a guy or what?

"Bella," he said quietly. "Are you with me?"

More or less. Right now, less. I had decided that I needed a man who was into something more cerebral. Maybe, a chess club president. With my luck, I'd end up with the next Bobby Fischer. Pawn groupies would pore out of the woodwork and serve wine out of glasses shaped like rooks. He would probably insist that he could only play if someone was under the table stroking his . . .

"Bella."

I looked over at him and plastered a fake smile on my face. "I think I'm going to go check and see if the guys are home. There's something I need to tell them."

Laurent probably thought I was just making excuses, but I was simply back in reality. And my reality had a ballerina by the name of Alice making an unexpected visit.

A frown marred Laurent's face, and I came up with a quick plan to reassure him. "Will you come up for dinner tomorrow?"

The frown disappeared. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'll see you then."

I stood up and walked to the door. He joined me. "I'll walk with you back upstairs."

"You don't have to do that."

Thunder rumbled. "Yes, I do. The steps are wet, and I don't want you to slip."

A little pitter patter sounded in my chest alerting me to the danger of my heart getting caught again. Every second I spent with him made me like him more and more. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. My attention was so focused on him that I hadn't even been aware of it raining.

He held my elbow as we ascended the steps. If my clumsy nature decided to present itself, I was in good hands.

We reached the kitchen door, and he released his hold on my arm. "Thank you for walking me up."

He smiled at me before turning to leave. "I will see you at dinner tomorrow. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight."

After Laurent left, I walked into the house and sat on the sofa. Edward and Emmett would be home soon. I just had to keep sane until they arrived. Fortunately, my brother arrived within fifteen minutes. It was a good thing because I felt certain I wouldn't have held out much longer. With my distraction gone, I was treading dangerously close to escape mode again. I really needed to settle in and grow my backbone back. Pretty soon my posture was going to suffer from my constant cowardice.

When Emmett walked in the front door, I gave him a huge hug, which immediately put him on guard. "What happened?"

Not telling him about the Alice sighting was not an option. We didn't allow secrets to come between us. "We need to have a talk."

Emmett knew me well enough to know that _needing_ to talk was never a good sign. It always ended with uncomfortable truths and hard decisions, and then running away immediately would follow.

We sat across from each other, him on the loveseat and me on the sofa with my legs curled up underneath me. Our last long conversation about the past had taken place prior to my leaving Forks. It involved people that we now very carefully avoided discussing at all cost. He hated thinking about Rose and Alice, and I wasn't much better with the subject of Jasper.

Emmett looked at me warily. "Tell me what's wrong."

Ugh. I really didn't want to do this, but I couldn't let her presence go unmentioned. I decided to just go with the rip the band-aid off mentality. Why beat around the bush? "I saw Alice at the bookstore today."

Different emotions flooded his face. Confusion, shock, and fear all mingled with anger.

It was the last emotion that won out.

"Start from the beginning." His every word delivered a clear message. Emmett was pissed.

"It's not much. She walked into the bookstore, and I left before she could see me."

He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. I could understand his confusion and shock but not the anger. Though they had once been very close friends, my understanding was that their friendship didn't so much end on a bad note as it just simply drifted apart because of divided loyalties. There was never a mention of any bad blood between them.

"I think maybe you are the one who needs to start from the beginning," I informed him.

Emmett raised his head forward and looked at me. "It wasn't all sunshine and roses after you left, Bells. Jasper was furious and did everything he could to try to get me to bring you back. When he saw you at our last football game, he thought I had finally convinced you to return to Forks. When he realized that he was wrong, some bad shit happened."

My mind turned back to that last day. Jasper had looked so luminous when he saw me. I had taken it as a last smile exchanged between people who had been through so much together. It never occurred to me that he would see it differently. If he thought I was returning to him, he would have been devastated when he learned the truth.

Fear rippled through my mind as I considered all the possible ways that he could have responded. "What happened?"

He groaned loudly and massaged his temples. "Edward and I didn't want to tell you this shit. You're better off not knowing."

That only meant one thing, which was that the two of them lied to me. I stood up and stalked over to him. "Well, that's just too bad. I want to know the truth. Now, tell me what happened," I shouted. It was the wrong thing to do.

Emmett stood up and overwhelmed me with his tall, heavy frame. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but son of a bitch, he was big.

He grabbed me by the shoulders and bent his head down. "You are twenty damn years old. Act like an adult, and don't yell at me."

"What the hell is going on?" Edward's shocked voice demanded from the direction of the front door.

My brother beat my response time. "She saw Alice at the bookstore today but left before Alice could see her."

Our bronze haired friend took slow steps into the living room. His emotions mirrored those of Emmett's from just a few minutes before. Unlike my brother, anger didn't win out. Instead, suspicion was the ruling party. "If she's here, they all are, and they will have an agenda."

I watched the two of them exchange looks. They were communicating some unknown information to each other, and it was starting to grate on my nerves. Did they really think that I was some weak kitten that couldn't handle the truth? Because this kitten had claws, and she wanted answers.

Liar. This kitten had a yellow stripe running down her back. My claws weren't even attached anymore. I had to fix that, and I was going to start right now by running to some answers rather than running away from them.

"Tell me what is going on," I demanded again.

Edward spoke up first. "Let's all just calm down and discuss this rationally. No yelling, and no getting angry over shit that happened almost three years ago."

Emmett sat back on the loveseat and pulled me onto his lap. "You know I love you, right?"

I gave him a reassuring hug. "Of course, I do."

There was nothing more absolute than my knowledge that my brother loved me. Our relationship had improved so much over the last two years and a half years, and the bond between us was unshakable. No one was more important to me than him, and I knew that it was the same for Emmett.

"When you didn't come back after that last game, Jasper blamed me, and he started doing things to jeopardize my scholarships. What you don't know is that I originally planned to stay in Washington, but he used his family's influence to get all of my offers revoked. He told me that if I could get you to come back that he would make my problems disappear."

Emmett stopped his explanation and took in my shocked expression. Of all the times that people warned me about Jasper, I never once thought him to be capable of hurting me or the people that I loved.

"No large school would touch me," my brother continued. "I ended up here at Texas West because Laurent put in a good word for me with the coach. They didn't offer me a scholarship, but they did invite me to try to get on the team as a walk on."

This didn't make any sense. "I thought you were on a football scholarship."

"I am now, but I wasn't when I first came here. I had to work my ass off to get them to even pay attention to me."

Edward finally spoke up. "The last half of senior year was rough. Rose and Alice stood with Jasper, and Em and I were left on our own. All the shit we pulled really bit us in the butt when the teachers took notice. We couldn't get a good grade without being accused of cheating. Our attendance came under question, and we almost didn't graduate. It was our own fault, but it still burned."

"And Jasper, Alice, and Rose are the ones that caused all of this?" I asked.

"No," Edward corrected me. "Most of that was our fault for acting like hoodlums for four years. The teachers were just getting some back on us. Our friends didn't twist our arms and make us act that way. We made those choices. What Jasper, Alice, and Rose did was to get the superintendent to look over our absences. We were both one day short of being denied our diplomas."

My eyes became saucers as I glanced between them. "One day."

"Yeah, if we had one more absence, they wouldn't have let us graduate."

"And they all knew that?"

Emmett grew impatient with me. "No, they thought we were screwed, or they wouldn't have even bothered."

"How could they act so petty?"

He shrugged. "They were young. Jasper was pissed, and the girls jumped on the bandwagon."

"So, wait. Why didn't you just have me come back to Forks? If that is all it took to get back your scholarship offers and get the other stuff to stop, why didn't you tell me?"

"That's a dumb question, and you know it. There was no way in hell that I would want you around him. He's not good for you. You knew that then, or you never would have left."

My feelings on Jasper were such a mess that I never had any clear idea of what I thought. One day, I would regret everything that happened while the next I would be thankful that I had the sense to leave. The best I could do was let myself just forget him. It was a stupid notion. He was always stuck in the back of my mind and never seemed to leave for long.

"What happened to them after high school?" I asked.

Edward shrugged. "We don't know. After we moved down here, we didn't hear from them. I do know that Jasper didn't go on and play football in college. Everybody expected him to, but he didn't."

"Alice being here is strange," Emmett chimed in. "I can't imagine what would bring her to this town unless it had something to do with us. It's just too much of a coincidence."

"It's been two years. Why would they even care about what we're doing?"

"Did you still care when you saw her at the store, or did you leave because it was just time to get off work?" Edward asked with a knowing look.

"Okay. You have me there, but that doesn't mean they are here for some nefarious purpose. Hell for all we know, she was just passing through. Rose and Jasper weren't even with her."

Stupid Bella. I didn't even believe the words I was saying. Passing through. Yeah, right.

Emmett squeezed my arm. "I never know if you say stuff like that because you're a nice girl or because you're naive. Either way, it doesn't matter. The fact is that I don't want them around. And I hope you're right. I hope she was just passing through. Stranger things have happened."

He was right about stranger things happening, but it was too much of a coincidence for me. Alice showed up in a town 2500 miles from home and just happened to end up at the book store I had been working in for only two weeks. I didn't believe in that much coincidence. It was just not likely.


	3. Chapter 3

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 3 - Still Running

The following day, I received a few answers. Aro was sitting in his favorite chair when I walked into work. He was preparing my list for the day and making careful notations next to a few of the items.

When he heard me come in, he smiled. "Morning, Brown Eyes."

"Good morning," I called out as I walked to a book cart that needed to be stocked. Usually the cart was full, but today only a few books were stacked on it. I knew Victoria didn't do the work. The procrastinator in her always left it until the next day.

"Did you put the books up?" I asked.

He looked up from his notes. "No, your friend did. She's a real sweet girl. I don't know why you ran out like you did."

"What do you mean she put them up? Why did she do that?"

Aro smiled like a snake. "I might have told her that my help ran out on me. She offered, and I didn't have the heart to turn her down."

"I can't believe you put Alice to work."

"She's a sweet girl, and it gave me a chance to interrogate her," he said with a wink. "I can't have her scaring off my favorite gal and not find out who she is."

Hungry for information, I pushed the cart away and sat down at Aro's feet. "What did she say?"

"She's just driving through Texas. Her and some friends are on a road trip. Crazy kids are looking for their 'happy place'. I thought it sounded a little hippy dippy, but that's probably my old age and common sense talking."

"Hippy dippy?" I questioned with a grin.

He nodded his head. "I think it's the drugs. Find a 'happy place', my butt. Kids these days need a stiff kick and a hard slap."

Picturing him slapping Alice and Rosalie sort of hit me in my own 'happy place'. Rainbows lit the scene, and magical unicorns galloped by kicking up golden specks of dust that shimmered like glitter. If anyone needed some sense knocked into them, it was those two girls. Getting trampled by mythical creatures would only help that along.

I pushed the sweet thoughts to the side. "Did any of her friends come in?"

"Nah, it was just her. The others drove up right before Alice walked outside. They must have dropped her off and then came back to pick her up."

Aro was watching me closely knowing that I was dying for information. "Would you just tell me everything, you old goat?" I demanded with a playful smack on his leg.

He suddenly turned all business. "There were two of them not counting your little friend. One man and one woman. The woman was a pretty blond. She was taller than you by a few inches and was real serious looking. Her and Alice seemed close."

I nodded. The blond had to be Rosalie Hale. "What about the man?"

"Tall and blond. He looked real impatient like he couldn't wait to leave."

Jasper Whitlock.

_Don't think about him. You don't care. He doesn't matter. _

I took a deep steadying breath before continuing my questions. "Is there anything else you can tell me?"

"She bought a book about monkeys and a map of the Dallas area. She said that was their next stop."

The conversation relieved many of my fears, but not all of them. It really did sound like they were passing through. The only problem I had was that I knew those three were not the road trip type. I decided to get Victoria's take on my old friend.

She arrived to work a few hours later. Her first stop was the break room to talk to me about Alice. It turns out that she was just as hungry for information as I was.

I gave her a brief summary of my time in Forks leaving out only the unimportant details. Several times during the conversation, she fanned herself and asked me how it was that I left. Apparently, she found the idea of Jasper Whitlock as tempting as everyone else did.

"And Alice is the girl you saw yesterday?" she asked. "Are you sure?"

I had to laugh at that. "Trust me. It was her. Now, what did you think of her?"

"She seemed tired. They had been driving awhile, and she wanted to stop for a few days, but the guy she was with wanted to get going again."

"Did you see the people who picked her up?"

Victoria shook her head. "No, Aro sent me to the back to call one of the suppliers."

It was becoming apparent that she was not going to be able to provide me with any more information than Aro did. I decided to push my concerns aside and figured that in the end it didn't matter. I wouldn't be able to guess their plans, and quite frankly, I didn't want to.

I let all thoughts of them reside safely in the back of my head. Worrying would do me no good. They had almost three years to pop up. It was unlikely that they would choose now to do so. As the days passed without any further signs of them, I became convinced that it was just a random meeting.

* * * * * *

Emmett and Edward were in their usual places at the bar while I was getting everything out to make dinner. I listened to them talk about the schedule for the coming season, and the different plans that Edward and I had made for attending the out of town games.

A knock on the front door put an end to their conversation. Emmett got up to answer the door.

"I invited Laurent to eat with us tonight. He should be here around six," I informed Edward as I took out a cutting board.

He stifled a yawn. "He agreed to come. What did you do threaten him?"

"No, she asked nicely," a voice grumbled from the entrance to the kitchen.

I turned around swiftly and met the amused eyes of Laurent. The grin on my face gave away my delight at seeing him. "You're here early."

He walked across the room and stood next to me. "Back home, I always helped in the kitchen, and I thought you might need a hand."

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do."

Laughter bubbled up inside of me when I realized that this conversation was going exactly like the one last night. "This is becoming a pattern with us."

"Yes, it is."

His hand grazed mine as he took the knife out of my hands, which was probably a good thing. My brain was doing that dreamy thing again as I looked up at him. It was probably those light green eyes and the dimples. It hit me that he actually resembled Emmett more than he did his cousin.

"Yo, Bells," Emmett shouted. "Staring is rude."

A familiar blush stained my cheeks as I remembered that we weren't alone. I had completely forgotten about Edward and Emmett, who were both sitting at the bar watching us.

"Laurent walked me to the door yesterday. He wanted to make sure I didn't slip on the wet concrete," I explained quickly.

Emmett and Edward chuckled. My clumsiness was well known. I frowned at them both hoping it would send the message that stories about me were not a good idea.

It didn't work. "Come on, Bella. At least let me tell him the one about the time you were at Sea World and . . ."

"Emmett, if you say one more word, I won't cook for a month," I growled.

He slapped a hand over his mouth and wiggled his eyebrows playfully at me, which caused Edward to choke on his tea. Silly boys.

I glanced up at Laurent who wore a funny look on his face. "What?" I asked.

"It's nice seeing ya'll interact," he commented strangely.

I exchanged a confused look with Edward who appeared as lost as I did. "Okay." I responded slowly.

Our dinner preparations were short. I was making a simple chicken marsala recipe that only took about thirty minutes. Between it and the salad and bread, we were finished cooking and eating an hour later.

Cooking with him was fun. We developed a nice banter between us about our food likes and dislikes. I teased him for loving calorie rich dishes that would cause him to gain a hundred pounds, and he teased me about my love of burnt popcorn.

After preparing dinner, we both looked up and found Edward and Emmett observing us carefully. Like earlier, I had completely forgotten about them. I merely shrugged off their curious looks and began bringing food to the dining room table. Laurent ignored them as well and set the table.

Dinner was not a two-way conversation. All four of us chatted as we enjoyed the meal. I was stunned by just how well Laurent fit in with us. It was a silly notion. After all, he had been friends with the guys before he even came down here. I just didn't know about it.

With dinner over, Edward and Emmett stayed in the kitchen to clean up while Laurent and I moved downstairs to his living room. I sat crossed legged on the sofa, and Laurent sat a foot away at the other end.

"Now, wasn't that better than eating alone? I don't know why you don't join us more often."

"Is that an open invitation?"

"You can come over every night if you want. I like having you around."

I bit my lip and dropped my eyes away from his. My confession left me feeling embarrassed again. The feeling didn't last long before I was distracted by Laurent touching my hand. I instinctively joined my right hand with his left. My attention caught on just how small mine looked in comparison.

I clasped our hands together tightly and looked up at him. "You are so unpredictable. One day you're flirtatious, and the next you disappear. Why is that?"

He rubbed a callused thumb along the crease between my thumb and my index finger. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. It was soothing and helped me to relax.

"I guess because you make me feel so many different things. It's a little confusing. One second, I want to keep you away from me. The next, I want to keep you as close to me as possible," he answered.

When he moved closer to me, I felt a fluttering in my stomach. Tension returned to my body in an instant as the atmosphere became heavy. I opened my eyes and found him just a breath away from me. I moved my free hand up to his face and ran a light finger along the scar across his left eyebrow.

"How did you get this scar?"

"A fight," he answered simply.

"Did you win?"

"No one really wins in a fight, Bella."

As I trailed my fingers lightly down his face, Laurent closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. I allowed my eyes to roam over the features of his face. Shallow wrinkles already marred his forehead, and the corners of his eyes had laugh lines. They made me think of the sound of his laughter. It was deep and voluminous, and his green eyes always sparkled with amusement.

I wished that he would open those eyes again. I missed the warm feeling they gave me. I didn't have to wait long. We held each other's gaze for a prolonged moment before I finally looked away.

"Why do you like having me around?" he asked me. "It's not like I've given you a reason."

I smiled up at him. "There is just something about you. I don't know how to explain it. You make feel good, and it doesn't hurt that you're really sweet."

"You're the sweet one," he whispered before leaning down and kissing me softly.

Parts of me that had lain dormant for too long awakened in an instant. It was like a new day had just dawned with the pressing of our lips together. When he pulled back and stared into my eyes, my only thought was of bringing him back to me.

I raised my hands to his neck and dragged him closer to me. "Kiss me again," I demanded.

Our lips moving together was a new level of bliss. I pulled him closer, and he leaned into me pushing me back into the arm of the sofa. His left hand moved to my waist, and I felt his warm skin meet mine. The feeling sent a shock through my system that woke me up. I gasped and turned my face away from his.

It was too much, too soon. Being with him brought back all of my old fears. My stomach twisted into a painful knot. I was starting to feel things that I hadn't in years, and it was scaring me.

_Run._

I avoided looking at him as I struggled to my feet. "I have to leave. I'm sorry."

"Bella, wait," he called from behind me. "I'm sorry. Please don't go."

I ignored him and ran out the door and up the stairs. I flew through the kitchen door and slammed it behind me. My feet carried me swiftly across the room and to the stairs leading to the bedrooms.

When I rushed up the stairs, I heard Emmett yell from the kitchen, "Bells? What's wrong?"

"Leave me alone, Emmett," I shouted back.

I stormed into my room and threw myself on the bed. Tears left trails down my cheeks, and I wiped my face on my pillow willing myself to stop crying. This was stupid. Why did I have to get so upset? It was a simple thing to kiss someone. Why did it have to make me feel like I had just cheated on the memory of a person I had lost ages ago?

A soft knock on my door told me that my brother wasn't about to let this go. He would demand an explanation for what had upset me. Ignoring him would only send him down to Laurent, who I really didn't want him to talk to right now. "You can come in, Emmett."

The door opened, and a second later, I felt the bed give a little as he sat down next to me. I turned my head and looked at my brother. The expression on his face showed a need to commit murder. He was furious.

"What happened? Did he do something?"

"No, Laurent didn't do anything or say anything either. I'm just stupid," I sobbed into my pillow.

A large hand started rubbing soothing circles in the middle of my back. "Calm down, baby girl. Just tell me what's wrong, and I will fix it."

He couldn't fix it. No one could. My heart had been damaged once already, and I was too scared to risk letting that happen again. My inner weak girl was in my head calling the shots. I hated that girl. She cried too much and whined all the time. I really needed to knock her out and take back possession of my brain.

"If you don't start talking, I'll beat the answers out of Laurent," he promised darkly.

I groaned into my pillow before rolling over onto my back and glaring at my brother. "I already told you he didn't do anything. So, can we not talk about this?"

Emmett grabbed one of my hands and gave it a squeeze. "No, we are going to talk about what happened. I won't have you getting upset like this. The last time it happened you left town, and I'm not letting that happen again."

I folded my arms across my chest and picked a spot on the wall to stare at. My plan was simple. If I ignored him, he would eventually give up and go away.

From the corner of my left eye, I saw him shake his head. "When we were eight years old, you tried to ignore me after I broke the head off of your Barbie. How long did that last?"

The memory flashed through my head. I had tried the same tactic then. Emmett and I sat in a room for six hours. Neither of us spoke or moved. It only ended when I finally punched him in the arm and called him mean. He left the room and brought in one of his G.I. Joe figures offering to let me break it. I refused, and he gave me a hug before apologizing.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'll tell you what happened."

"Good. There's a game coming on in an hour, and I don't want to miss it."

I pulled the pillow out from under my head and hit him with it. "Meany."

"Cry baby."

He pulled me up by the arms and sat me on his lap. Having my big brother manhandle me was becoming a habit. Just a few nights before, he had carried me around on his shoulder while we were outside. I hit a tree limb. It was a typical Bella moment. He may have been the big oaf who walked me into a tree, but I was the idiot who didn't duck.

"Tell Dr. Emmett what ails you," he encouraged in a warm voice.

"I like Laurent."

"And . . . what's wrong with that?"

My shoulders slumped in defeat. I was an idiot. "Nothing and everything."

I could tell that he was trying really hard not to laugh at me. How could I blame him? I sounded like a whiny brat. "Could you be more specific?" he asked as he tapped lightly on the face of his watch.

If I didn't know he was joking, I would have been seriously irritated. Since I did know, I let my brother's carefree attitude erase part of my worries. I could rarely be anything other than happy in his company. He brightened a room just by walking into it, and talking to him always put me at ease.

"I kissed him," I admitted.

He started laughing. I shoved at him, not that it would do any good. "Quit laughing at me. It's not funny."

"Sorry. It's just that I didn't think this would be the problem. You see when a girl likes a boy they do this thing with their lips."

"Stop it."

Emmett rubbed my shoulder and tried to get to the root of the problem. "Are you scared that he is like Jasper? I can promise you that he isn't. He's actually a very nice guy, if you overlook the shady relatives."

Hearing my brother lauding a potential mate for me was surreal. He was vehemently opposed to my being with Jasper when I told him about us the day I left Forks. It was as if I had told him I was dating the devil himself. His feelings about James had been similar. The idea of him approving of Laurent was reassuring, and I needed all of that that I could get.

"I'm scared because I like him too much, and I'm scared that he doesn't like me as much as I do him. If he does like me and we start seeing each other, I know the minute that I become happy something will ruin it."

I sniffled and brushed more tears from my face before continuing my rambling. "I'm scared that if I move on I will never have the chance to be with Jasper again. I know I will see him again someday. What will I do if I'm with someone else? I'm so scared of everything, but mostly I'm scared to love someone again because it hurts too damn much when my heart gets broken."

"Okay," Emmett said hesitantly. "Is there anything else?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"I hope so. Let's start with the first problem. Laurent likes you. If you like him, that is even better, but you can't play some silly game with him where you are nice to him and then run away. Don't give him a reason to doubt your sincerity."

Emmett was right. The very idea of my having hurt Laurent with my confusing behavior made fresh tears form in my eyes.

"He has been nothing but nice to me, and I repay him by acting like that. I wouldn't blame him if he refused to ever talk to me again."

"This brings me to problem number two. You have to stop being so damned whiny. You are not that girl. All that stuff you're scared of is bullshit. Who cares if Jasper shows his ugly face again? If you are with someone else when he does, all I can say is good. You deserve better than some punk who feels so downtrodden over people having high expectations of him."

His thoughts on Jasper didn't exactly come as a surprise. Emmett had made his feelings on the subject of his former friend perfectly clear.

He continued with his unique brand of encouragement. "You have to man up and stop letting your fears control you. The Bella I used to know would kick the word scared in the ass and tell fear to go take a hike. Don't be love's bitch. Be Bella. And if someone breaks your heart, I will teach you how to throw a punch that will break their face."

I had to laugh. My brother always gave advice in a way that could make me smile. How I was going to man up was a question I wouldn't ask. Knowing Emmett, it would involve a special tonic that would grow hair on my chest and require me to pee standing up.

I smiled at him. "You're a good brother, but I'm surprised you would teach me to throw a punch instead of just doing it yourself."

He shrugged. "As tempting as that is, I can't fight your battles for you. You will get ten times more satisfaction out of it if you stand tall and do the fighting on your own. Be that strong girl that you are inside because she is the best part of who you are."

It was official. I had the best brother on the planet. How did I get so lucky? All the years of distance between us had melted away two years ago and left us closer than ever. A part of me had always regretted moving to Forks my senior year, but I always ignored that part. Even if my heart had been broken, I regained my brother, and there was nothing I wouldn't have endured to have that happen.

He was wrong about what the best part of me was. Emmett was the best part. In ways that I could never fully explain, he completed me. We were twins of the womb and of the heart. I would never not need him in my life.

After our talk, my brother walked me down the stairs giving me encouraging words the whole way. "You can do this, champ."

I giggled with each line as he rubbed my shoulders like I was a prizefighter. Edward looked on in amusement.

"Keep your head on straight."

_Okay. I'll do that._

"Be the ball."

_Caddy Shack?_

"Go build a bridge together."

_A bridge?_

I had to stop him. "Emmett, you're seriously sucking. I'm not playing golf, and the bridge thing makes no sense."

He released my shoulders and gave me a light shove in the direction of the door. "You are ready, my young apprentice."

_Yeah, I was ready to get away from him._

I walked outside and made my way to Laurent's front door. I chickened out five times before finally getting up the nerve to knock. No answer came. I tried again, but he still didn't come to the door. I knew he was here. His truck was still out front.

I finally gave up and turned to leave. I had only taken a couple of steps when the door opened behind me. "Wait. Don't go," I heard his deep voice call out to me.

I turned and found myself staring at a wet Laurent who looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was wet and water still clung to his broad shoulders and well-formed chest.

"I was getting out of the shower and just barely heard you knock."

My eyes snapped up and met his. I could feel the blush that had crept up my cheeks. Thankfully, Laurent seemed completely oblivious to my discomfort. "Uhm, yeah. I was just coming to see if you wanted to watch a movie with us," I lied.

His brow scrunched up into a confused mask. "A movie?"

I moved forward and missed a step. Strong arms caught me, and Laurent pulled me into his chest. It was the best damned feeling in the whole world.

"Are you okay?" Laurent asked as he helped me get steady.

I looked up at him and smiled. Him touching me was first and foremost at the front of my mind. I couldn't have yelled fire if the house was burning down.

Laurent took advantage of my muteness and led me inside. He kept an arm wrapped around my waist, and I leaned into him enjoying the extra contact. So what if I didn't need help walking, he didn't know that. And damn his skin felt warm, wet, and perfect.

He sat me in the recliner before dampening my spirits by leaving to put a shirt on.

My embarrassment from an hour earlier came back with a vengeance. I was tempted to leave but forced myself to sit still. _Kick fear in the ass. Bury scared in the backyard. Paint over that yellow stripe down your back._

"Would you like something to drink?" Laurent asked from behind me.

Standing up to face him was an exercise in discipline. I wanted to run like the wind. "No, I'm fine."

He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water before rejoining me in the living room. After sitting in the same spot from earlier, he turned his attention to his water and downed half of it.

"Thirsty?" I asked like an idiot.

A smile warmed his face. "Yeah. I lifted some weights after you left."

"Oh, that explains the shower."

He shrugged. "When I get frustrated, I have to do something physical to take my mind off things."

My dirty mind stuck on the words physical. A vivid picture popped into my head that was probably not even close to what he meant. A sweaty Laurent, a wicked smile, and a lot of skin.

"You never answered my question. Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself when you fell, did you?" he asked bringing me back to reality.

"I'm not hurt, just clumsy."

He disagreed. "No, you are uncoordinated and probably unlucky. I can help you with the first one, if you like."

"How would you do that?"

"Strength training. We work on your muscles. It will improve your coordination and balance. Plus, it helps you avoid injuries."

I didn't know what to say. No one had ever offered to help me with my annoying little problem. They made jokes about it and enjoyed the show but never offered me advice on correcting it.

"Would you really help me with that?"

Laurent nodded. "Anytime you like."

Me and him doing something physical together. How could that not be the best idea ever?


	4. Chapter 4

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 4 - Trust and Love

Working out with Laurent became the highlight of my days. We came up with a schedule where a few days a week I would join him downstairs in the morning to lift weights. A hearty breakfast would then follow our individual showers.

Two weeks into our sessions, we met our first challenge. It popped up just after we had finished our breakfast.

"You took more than your share of eggs again," Laurent teased referring to my increase in appetite.

I kicked him under the table. "My personal trainer says that protein is good for me."

"What else does he say?"

"He says that pretty soon you will be able to bounce a quarter off my butt," I teased.

His face turned red. "I did not say that."

"Oh, I was talking about my other trainer."

Laurent growled at me before reaching over and tickling me in the ribs. I spun away from him and ran across the room. He stalked towards me with his hands out in front of him like a bear. It sent me into a giggling fit that hindered my escape.

He caught me easily and lifted me up to where we were eye to eye. "No other trainers."

My laughter stopped as we stared at each other. He had been very careful in the last two weeks to avoid doing anything that would make me run off again. No holding hands, no deep discussions, nothing. I had never been so frustrated in my life. My feelings for him were in full blown infatuation mode, and my twenty year old libido matched.

Hormones were such a bitch. I felt like a teenager in the grips of her first crush. Something as simple as the sound of his voice got a reaction out of me. I was gaga for this man, and him treating me with kid gloves only added to his appeal.

In truth, I was grateful for his careful handling. My first attempt at moving on from Jasper had failed miserably. I still cringed when I thought of that time. It was the regret that formed from that experience that left me unwilling to take the initiative now. I was still partially in scared Bella mode, but the way I had it figured, I was doing better than before, which was really all I could ask for. Who said we had to dive into something really fast? Taking our time was probably a good plan.

Laurent cleared his throat and set me down on my feet before returning to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. I took up a seat at the bar and watched him.

"What else does your trainer say?" he asked in a return to our teasing.

I played along figuring it would help break up some of the tension that was fogging up the room. "He says that I should add an aerobic exercise to my to do list, but I don't like them as much."

"Why?"

"They're boring."

He rinsed off the dishes and put them in the dishwasher before turning his attention back to me. "I'm also bored on the mornings we don't spend together."

_Damn._ He saw straight threw me and pointed out what I was feeling. I tried to play it off. "It's just harder to get motivated."

"I know. I have trouble getting out of bed on those mornings, too."

_Son of a bitch. Is he psychic?_ "That's not what I meant. It's just that the treadmill and the bike don't talk back."

Laurent stepped forward and handed me the water he knew I would be wanting. "I miss talking to you, too."

"Quit putting words in my mouth," I snapped.

"Quit saying one thing and meaning something else," he challenged.

I was starting to get pissed. "Are you really so arrogant that you believe my day revolves around you?"

He stepped around the kitchen counter and spun the bar stool around so that I was facing him. "Are you really that much of a liar that you will deny that it does?"

I stuck my index finger in his chest. "I am not a liar."

He grabbed my hand and moved it away from him. "And I'm not arrogant."

In a staring competition, I would be doomed for failure. My eyes would give away my feelings, which would negate the whole point. Instead, I pushed him aside and gracefully jumped down from the stool. My goal was the front door. I didn't get close.

Laurent grabbed my shoulders from behind stopping me. "You can't keep leaving, Bella. Grow up, and face what frightens you."

"I'm not afraid," I said through clinched teeth. "I'm pissed off over your assumptions."

"No, you're mad because I told the truth. You're leaving because you're scared to admit that you like me."

_Yes, he is psychic. _

My internal voices were arguing in a bizarre tennis match. The ball was bouncing between the words _run_ and _stay_. Yelling at myself to shut up would make me look crazy. So, I settled for holding my head still. Moving it from side to side between unspoken words would only make sense to someone in my head. Laurent wasn't in my head. Well, not exactly.

Seconds passed before I settled on a winner. "Stay," I whispered.

In silent understanding, Laurent wrapped his heavy arms around my chest and held me close. I leaned my head back against him and relaxed. Who was this man that he knew me so well after so little time? How could he understand everything I was feeling?

A loud knock on the front door interrupted our moment. Both of us sighed heavily at the same time. It was too perfect. We finally made some progress, and someone had to bother us. Typical.

Laurent dropped his arms and moved to the front door. He opened it without bothering to look at the identity of our guest. "What?" he growled.

Emmett ignored the rough greeting and smiled widely. "Sorry, man. I wanted to know if you were ready to go to the store." He peeked around Laurent's shoulder and waved like a big goof. "Hey, Bells. Do you wanna come?"

_Translation: Hey, Bells. I'm just checking to make sure that my big, bad friend hasn't eaten you for breakfast. The store sounded like a good excuse for my nosy behavior, but I'm only now realizing that I look like a dumbass. I will play it off with a wide smile and sweet wave, but we all know the truth. _

"Sure," I answered in a voice lined with fake saccharine goodness.

Two weeks ago, Emmett informed me of a barbecue we were hosting for the some of the players. I was less than enthused about it. This trip to the store was the start of what promised to be a long day.

Twenty minutes later, we walked into the nearest grocery store. With it being only ten in the morning, the store was virtually empty.

Emmett and Edward each grabbed a cart, and Laurent and I strolled leisurely between them as we made our way down the first aisle.

"Why is bread the first aisle?" my brother asked out of nowhere.

_Where did that question come from, and who the hell cares why it's first? _

The randomness of the question caused Laurent and I to exchange confused looks. Knowing that he was just as lost as I was told me that Emmett was the odd one in the bunch.

"If I put bread in my cart, won't I squish it with the heavy stuff later on?" Emmett wondered.

_Damn, that actually makes sense._

"We could start on the last aisle," Edward suggested.

Laurent choked back his laughter as we made our way to the back of the store. We ended up in the dairy section.

I knew what was coming before my brother even opened his mouth. "Won't my milk get warm by the time we're done?"

This time I couldn't contain my laughter. It bubbled up out of me like lava from a volcano. I leaned into Edward who was trying not to give into his amusement at the situation. He wrapped an arm around my waist and tucked me in between him and the cart.

"Have you ever been to a grocery store?" Laurent asked my brother.

"I never needed to. In high school, I always ate at Alice's. When I got here, I ate on campus. After we moved to the house, Edward did all the shopping. He's the woman in our relationship."

"I am not you sick bastard," Edward fumed.

I rubbed his arm soothingly. "He's joking."

"No, I'm not. You're the chick," Emmett said confidently. "Now, how does this shopping thing work?"

Edward leaned down next to my ear. "Can I kill your brother?"

"Not in public."

He rested his head against mine. "Are you sure?"

When was it that my friend started to smell like peppermint and . . . cedar? It was kind of yummy in a way. _Uhmm. Peppermint._ It was a shame that licking Edward in public would be rude and so very wrong. Where the hell was my brain? Licking him in private was not right either.

I had to get back on topic. "How about if I help you short sheet his bed later? It'll be like summer camp. Emmett is the bear, and Laurent can play camp counselor."

"And who are we?"

"We're the kids who sneak out at night and go skinny dipping."

That crooked grin I loved so much came back. "You're on."

I laughed as I pushed Edward's cart forward while he walked behind me. His hands covered mine as he guided the cart. It was an odd arrangement that should have led to a clumsy moment for me. I was managing to walk with him just behind me and not trip. Without even trying, we had managed to get our legs and feet in sync as we took our steps. I wanted to sing with joy at the realization that maybe my clumsiness was going to become a thing of the past.

We wandered through the store loading up with supplies for the barbecue tomorrow. My feelings on the preparations for the event had changed after Laurent offered to help with with all of the cooking. We were going to start this afternoon with the baked beans and the coleslaw before baking a couple of peach cobblers. It was going to be a long day in the kitchen, but with him by my side, I knew I would enjoy it.

Hours later, I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen with Laurent by my side. We were waiting for the last of the food to finish baking. I was munching on carrot sticks as I listened to him and Edward argue about the upcoming season. They were making their predictions on the top five teams at the end of the season.

Every few minutes, Victoria, who was sitting on the bar, would add her two cents. She had started coming by the house a few days ago. Her and Edward were in full blown flirtation mode. It was an odd match. They didn't seem to have much of anything in common. One thing that did seem to connect them was the same subject that him and Laurent were yammering on about, college football. I decided I must be alone in my lack of interest.

Edward's picks for the top five aligned almost perfectly with Laurent's, but the sticking point turned out to be putting a potentially undefeated team in the top spot even if they came from a traditionally weak conference. They couldn't agree on that point at all.

Finally, I had enough. "Is there not a playoff to decide this for you guys?"

All three of them looked at me like I was stupid. "There isn't a playoff system to decide the national championship in the division we're talking about," Victoria informed me.

That was the single dumbest thing I had heard in the last thirty minutes, which was saying a lot considering the conversation I had been listening to. "So, basically the national championship is a myth. No one really wins because the best teams don't get to play each other."

Laurent gifted me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face. It was like I just handed him the best present of his Christmas morning. "Damn, you're mind is beautiful."

"It is, isn't it?" Edward agreed.

Victoria threw a pretzel at him. "Her mind is beautiful, but mine is simple."

And they were at it again. "I never called you simple," Edward corrected her. "I just said that you don't know what the hell you're talking about. We need a playoff."

"No. Tradition is a huge element to this sport. Look at the history of the different bowl games," Victoria countered.

I tuned them out and listened for the timer for the cobbler to go off. I didn't have to wait long, and just as I reached in to take it out, I heard the phone ring. Edward ran to answer it more out of getting away from Victoria than anything else.

After taking the cobbler out of the oven, I turned back to Laurent who was watching me with amusement. "What?" I asked.

"Come here, please," he requested.

Victoria giggled and jumped down from the bar to follow Edward. She smiled at me before leaving the room.

I moved over in front of Laurent and tilted my head up to look at him. He wrapped his ankles around the bottom of my calves and pinned me in so that I couldn't move.

_Okay, this is different. _"What are you doing?"

He bent down to my ear and whispered, "What would you like me to do?"

_Damn._ The hair on my neck stood up, and I had to bite my lip to keep from squealing. I could come up with an endless amount of things I wanted him to do. Most of them began with his soft lips pressed to mine. The thought of that alone sent my heart into a violent thump.

_Please, please kiss me again. I swear I won't run._

In answer to my prayers, Laurent kissed my neck just below my ear. I leaned into him and angled my head to give him better access. He blew softly on my skin before kissing a line down to the hollow part of my neck. The teasing nature of his touch was sweet and painful. I wanted more, but I knew he would deny me.

"Can you two do that shit somewhere else?" Emmett asked from behind us. "You're gonna make me sick."

Laurent and I broke into laughter. We hadn't even been doing anything. Both sets of our arms were hanging neutrally by our sides. Sure, his lips were making nice trails along my neck, but that was the extent of what we had been doing. It was pretty innocent.

_Liar, your thoughts are hardly innocent._

I stepped back from Laurent who had dropped his legs allowing me to escape. When I turned around, I settled my attention on Edward who looked a little angry.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He hesitated for several seconds before answering. "It's the third time today that I have answered the phone and received the silent treatment. It's starting to piss me off."

Victoria moved to his side and starting rubbing his back. "Prank calls happen. Don't get mad, or they'll keep doing it."

As she finished talking, the phone rang again. "I'll get it," Emmett offered.

We all watched to see if the same thing happened to him. It didn't. Whoever called this time was a friend of his.

Edward strolled into the kitchen and leaned up against the counter ogling our cobbler. "Do I have to wait until tomorrow?"

"Yes."

He turned his puppy dog eyes on me and batted his eyelashes. It was so silly. "You know that doesn't work on me," I reminded him.

"Emmett's right. You are the woman," Laurent teased, sending me and Victoria into a round of laughter.

The expressions on Edward's face jumped from puppy dog innocence to pissed all in a couple of seconds. I walked over and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You are pretty like a woman."

I scampered off but not before he picked up a dishcloth and popped me in the butt with it. I shrieked loudly and ran to hide behind Laurent.

When Edward moved to follow, Laurent spoke up. "Hands off my woman, Cullen."

I stuck my tongue out at my friend and ducked behind my protector.

_Wait, did he just call me his woman? Yes, he did. _Sparks lit up my senses and danced along with the beat of my heart.

I shook off my pleasure at his words and turned back to Edward. "Yeah, hands off, or you don't get any of the pie that I made special for you."

He was staring at Laurent with a deep frown on his face and didn't respond.

"Edward," I called out lightly. "Do you want pie or not?"

This time he looked at me and smiled. "Of course."

"Look behind the milk."

He walked back to the fridge and pulled out the Cherry-O Cream pie that I made. He brought it over and set it on the bar staring at it with reverence.

When he turned his sweet eyes back to mine, I couldn't resist. "Go ahead."

I stepped into the living room and saw that Emmett was just getting off the phone. "Hey, Em. Would you like a snack?"

"No thanks, Bells. I'm going out for awhile. I'll see you later, okay," he answered back.

I waved goodbye and moved back to the kitchen. Edward cut himself and Victoria a slice of pie while Laurent began snacking on the carrots that I hadn't finished. He always turned down dessert and snacked on health food.

Hours later, I said a sweet good night to Laurent who gave me a peck on the cheek. I could barely contain the growl that threatened to rumble forward. A peck was not what I had wanted, and he knew it. If I wasn't such an idiot, I would have just kissed him.

* * * * * *

The next morning, Edward and I met his parents for breakfast. I had only seen them a few times since coming down here. I had always maintained a sort of distance with them. Emmett jumped into their family and was like a second son. It wasn't so easy for me. I knew that they cared about me, and I returned the feelings. It just wasn't as easy for me to fit comfortably into a new family.

Esme gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You need to visit more, Bella. We've missed you."

I ducked my head guiltily. "I know. I'll be better. I swear."

Carlisle pulled me in for a hug and offered me an out. "She's a busy girl, Esme. Give her a break."

I smiled up at him and was rewarded with a wink. He understood my reservations and always tried to put me at ease. As usual, it worked.

Dinner was fun. I told them stories about Aro, which sent everyone into howls of laughter. He reminded Esme of a librarian she had worked with years ago. Afterwards, Edward updated them about his life, which didn't take long. He saw his father several times a week at the hospital. All total, things were going well until the subject was changed.

"Have you seen Alice again?" Esme asked.

Carlisle's voice turned hard. "You saw Alice? Why didn't I hear about this? Was _he_ with her?"

I knew who _he_ was. Carlisle hated Jasper. If you asked me, it was all a little overblown. The reason was completely ridiculous. It all stemmed from his belief that Jasper supplied Edward with his liquor in high school. The very idea of that being the truth was just ludicrous. Jasper would never have done that.

I explained what happened at the bookstore and how we had not seen nor heard from any of them since that day. Edward kept quiet.

Disapproval radiated off of both parents. Many bad memories were associated with the group. Drinking. Suspicions about drug use. Anything and everything that was a parent's worst nightmare.

"I do not want either of you associating with Jasper. That boy will drag you down just like he did before," Carlisle stated coldly.

Edward folded in on himself. He hated disappointing his father more than anything. So much of what he did was to try to make Carlisle proud of him. I doubted he even wanted to be a doctor. It was more about making his dad happy than fulfilling his own dreams.

"Yes, sir," he answered like a drone.

In many ways, Edward was never allowed to just be himself. He went from being one of the group to being his father's son. It was his way of making up for all the pain he caused his parents when he was acting out for so many years. I understood his reasoning, but I really wanted my friend to just be his own man.

After more conversation that had us both promising to continue to make good choices, the meal ended. I felt like running out of the building, but we still had to say our goodbyes.

Carlisle pulled me to the side while Esme grabbed Edward for a conversation of their own. "You have a good head on your shoulders, Bella. Help keep him straight for me, please."

His lack of faith in his son kind of pissed me off, but I opted to play it nice. I knew he was just being a concerned parent. "Of course," I promised.

"We are his family, just like we are yours and Emmett's. The fake family he had before almost destroyed him. It all comes down to trust and love. We will never let you down, and those kids only care about themselves. Try to remember that."

Trust and love. It was something we all had in abundance. I knew that Esme and Carlisle would always be there for any of us. Through disappointment, triumph, tears, and pain, they would be the ones to see us through to the other side. We could count on them.

When we arrived back home, Edward stomped up to his room and slammed the door behind him. After giving him an hour to get over his mad, I knocked on his door. It wasn't long before I received permission to enter his domain.

He was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room. I sat down next to him and leaned my head against his shoulder. "Tell me what's wrong," I encouraged.

"Nothing I do makes him forget the past. I've tried so hard, and I'm still that stupid kid that drank too much and acted like a jerk. He'll never see anything else."

"That's not true. Your dad sees how you've changed, and he's very proud of you for coming so far. He's told me so."

Edward shook his head. "I know he doesn't trust me. He couldn't even let me move down here by myself. Mom and him just had to show up. I hate that."

"Wait. I thought you once told me that they always wanted to move down here."

"No, not always. Dad started talking about it a couple of years before I graduated high school. Mom never wanted to come here. She only agreed to stay close to me and to make him happy."

I wondered why it was that Carlisle wanted to come down here. I knew that both him and Esme lived in Washington their whole lives. I couldn't imagine them suddenly wanting to move to a state so far away. They didn't know anyone here, and it was worlds away from what they were used to.

Edward certainly didn't like it here. "I hate this stupid place. It's too damned hot, and it never rains. To me, Texas is just this big black hole at the center of our universe. We all got pulled down here by some force of gravity, and now we're just waiting for it to suck us in and pull us apart."

Well, that was negative. "It's not that bad. I really like it here."

"You would," he grumbled. "If it weren't for Jasper being such an asshole, none of us would even be here. It makes me wish I had a time machine."

I could kick his parents for making him think about his life in Forks. It always made him so sad. "You need to stop worrying so much about the past and think about the present and the future."

He laid his head against mine. "Trust me, Bella. I think about the future all the time. It's just that the past is still so much a part of who I am. I can't stop thinking about the things I did wrong."

"You can't change the past. So, why focus on it so much?" I asked.

"Just because a person can't change the past doesn't mean that they can't fix the problems that they caused. I want to do that. I want to fix my mistakes."

"If doing that is what it takes for you to move on, maybe you should."

"Even if it means disappointing someone else?"

"Edward, make yourself happy. The people who love you will understand."

He would have commented, but Emmett walked into the room. "Bad breakfast?"

"Carlisle and Esme weren't happy about the Alice thing," I explained.

"What about Alice?" my brother asked.

Was clarification really needed? "Her showing up in town. They made us promise to stay away from 'bad influences'. We didn't go into specifics, but I knew who they meant," I answered.

Emmett pulled up a chair. "That's funny. Esme and I talked, and she didn't have a problem with any of them showing up."

Of course, she didn't. The woman could never make up her mind on how she felt about Jasper. Why would that have changed now? It made sense for her to extend the indecisiveness to the rest of them.

"My dad is not as accepting," Edward reminded him. "Mom talks a good game, but she would accept them all back with open arms. To her, they are her kids as much as we are. Dad would probably be okay with Alice and Rose, but Jasper will never be good in his book."

"None of this even matters," I said with a yawn. "They aren't here anyway, and we have bigger things to worry about."

"Like what?" Emmett asked.

Typical. He forgot. "A barbecue. Your teammates will be here in a couple of hours."

We still had plenty of work to do to get everything ready, which meant that cooking was the new priority of the day.

As we moved downstairs, it hit me for the first time just how quickly I had settled into my new life in Texas. So much was going right in my world. I had two brothers who loved me and a budding relationship with Laurent that I thought had a great deal of potential. The new friends I made were wonderful bonuses that I would never have expected. My life was good. I only hoped that it would remain that way, but I knew from experience that it would not.


	5. Chapter 5

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 5 - Wandering Woman

Listening to my brother opine on the subject of barbecue was the food equivalent of counting sheep. My eyes were drooping, and my senses were dulled. Now that the food had been gobbled down and the meal was over, he was seen as some sort of grilling guru.

Did I care that real barbecue was meat cooked over wood? No. Did I care that fat dripping down over the coals created more flavor and smoke? No. Did I care that cooking temperature was just as important as the degree of smokiness? No.

If Emmett didn't have a heavy arm hanging over my shoulder, I would have fallen asleep from boredom and fell face first into the now cooling pit. His arm made it impossible to do that. It weighed a ton, and bearing the weight was seriously starting to hurt. I would have moved away by now, but I was trying to be the loving sister who stood by her brother. I was feeling less like a loving sister and more like a weighted down coat rack.

How anyone found his lecture interesting was beyond me. They had to be faking it. Or not. I looked around and saw most of the players he invited nodding their heads along with him as he spoke. They all seemed enraptured with the topic of barbecue. One thing was clear; I had had enough of men and their meat.

I looked across the yard at Laurent and Edward who were having a nice laugh at my expense. If it was so clear to them that I was miserable, why didn't they help me escape? Easy. They enjoyed my suffering. Victoria was no better. She was leaning against the picnic table massaging Edward's shoulders and was completely oblivious to my need for rescue.

I would just have to save myself. I offered to get Emmett a fresh glass of iced tea and returned to the house. When I walked into the kitchen, I forgot my original mission and decided to get a head start on cleaning, it would give me less to worry about later after everyone left. There really wasn't much, just a few dishes and some trash to take outside.

Twenty minutes later my work was done. I washed my hands and glanced out the window. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. My attention landed on Emmett first. His speech must have ended because he was off to the side talking on his phone. The smile on his face was so sweet. He really was happy down here in Texas.

I then moved on to Edward. The poor guy was being pulled behind a tree by Victoria. She had a determined stride, and he was trailing behind slowly. His obvious reluctance made me a little sad for him. I knew he was nervous about starting anything new with someone. He had confided in me that he hadn't dated much since high school. I really hoped Victoria could break him out of his shell.

Lastly, my eyes searched out Laurent. He was talking to some girl. It wasn't the first time it happened today, but something about this girl caught my eye. I continued to spy more out of curiosity than anything else. She was giggling and touching his arm every few seconds. I tried to get a feel for how he was reacting by analyzing the expressions on his face. He looked amused and more than a little interested. I knew that look on his face. I had certainly seen it often enough.

Red looked very interested as well. Her eyelashes were batting at him like wings on a fly. I knew there was a flyswatter hanging on a nail in the garage, but I wasn't the least bit tempted. I couldn't figure out why that was. Maybe it was that I figured there was no way she was going to get anywhere with him. Laurent was just being nice.

Nice stopped a second later when he took out his phone and punched in what I could only assume was her number.

I then watched with a strange void inside of me as Red twirled her hair and giggled before sauntering off with a little too much bounce in her step. How did I feel about this? Shouldn't I feel more? I felt a twinge of jealousy but only a twinge. This couldn't be right.

My hand reached for the handle of the screen door, and a shock of static electricity caused me to yelp. _Ouch. The door is making me more mad than the man. _

I looked down and considered my situation. Laurent and I weren't dating. We weren't in a relationship. He was my trainer and my breakfast buddy. I tapped a finger against the door and tried to figure out what was wrong here.

To be honest, I kind of didn't care. Wow.

Now if this had been Jasper getting a number from some girl, I would care a whole hell of a lot. Anger, jealousy, hurt. All of it would be felt in spades. There would be none of this strange blankness.

In truth, most of my feelings were directed at the girl. I didn't want to look like her, but I envied the confidence with which she carried herself. I used to have that. It wasn't about how I looked; it was about being happy with how I looked. Some of my original confidence had come back as a result of my sessions with Laurent, but it wasn't back completely.

My legs took me upstairs and to my closet. I briefly looked over my selections. Fashion had never been of interest to me, but I had taken it to a new low in the last several years. I needed better clothes.

I then glanced in the mirror and was not happy with what I found. My hair was hanging limply, and my face was sunburnt. I resembled an old pink dishrag. When did I become so bland? I had never paid too much attention to my appearance, but I had let things slide even more in the last two years. I needed a change. I wanted to get back some of what I was before I went on a two year sleep.

With my mind made up, I grabbed my purse and left. The mall didn't close for a good four hours. Bella was going to get her bounce back.

* * * * * *

I was lost in a sea of fabrics and color. Nothing looked right, and no one offered to help me. I was now stuck sitting on a bench as I looked around at the well-groomed girls who strolled by me. They walked arm in arm and laughed amongst each other. It was a bitter reminder that I had few female friends. With the exception of Victoria, I had guy friends who never noticed that my clothing selections were limited to over-sized t-shirts and jeans that didn't fit right.

My mind was set on not returning home without having done something. I was going to at least get a hair cut. I wandered into a salon that had tempted me earlier. Several women had walked in, and every one of them came out looking a little fresher. Their hair looked virtually the same as when they arrived, but their faces glowed with satisfaction.

A dramatically styled woman greeted me as I stepped up to the counter. "Hello, sweetie. What can I do for you today?"

It took me a second to answer. I was too busy taking in her appearance. She was dressed in all black with a leopard print apron covering her clothing. Her hair was in tight blond ringlets that bobbed up and down as her head moved. On any other person, her hair would have looked doll like, but on her, it fit.

"I would like to make an appointment to get my hair trimmed."

She smiled sweetly. "I can fit you in right now, if you like."

I nodded my head, and she steered me over to a station. With a flare I wasn't expecting, she whipped out a salon cape and wrapped it around me. "Tell Tanya what you need."

This woman would have made an excellent bullfighter.

With more nerve than I felt, I made my request. "Surprise me. Just don't make it too short. I've always worn it long."

Tanya stood still as she stared at me. Her right hand was the only part of her that moved as she used it to tap her chin lightly with her scissors. "I know just what you need."

Forty minutes later, I walked out of the salon like a new woman. My hair hung in layered waves just beyond my shoulders. It looked fuller and bouncier. Tanya had shown me exactly what to do with it in the mornings. She had even pouted a little when she said I could maintain the look with little to no effort. Apparently, my hair was easy to manage if I just knew what to do with it.

The hair dryer was out. Towel drying and moisture rich styling products were in. As long as I made sure to keep my hair conditioned, I could enjoy minimal upkeep and beautiful hair. Who knew?

I walked lightly through the mall enjoying my new look. When I saw a store that caught my eye, I bravely headed in to give myself another shot at shopping. A girl who had ignored me just an hour earlier immediately greeted me.

With her help, I picked out several pairs of jeans that flattered my figure and depleted my bank account. The small selection of shirts I added helped with the damage.

My newfound confidence led me from store to store on a mad shopping spree that ended with me carrying several bags to the car. A mall security officer kindly helped me with my purchases and walked with me. It wasn't until we were outside that I really appreciated his help. It was late. Really late.

I said a sincere thank you to my helper and drove home. When I stopped at a stoplight, I heard a vibrating noise coming from my purse and suddenly remembered my phone. I picked it up and found over two-dozen missed calls and messages. Wonderful. I was in trouble with my men folk for disappearing and not answering their calls.

With only a few miles separating me from them, I opted to just drive on home. A few minutes wouldn't kill them.

_But it might kill me._

The second I pulled up, my eyes landed on three bulled up and angry boys. They were all leaning against the porch with their arms crossed and their frowns firmly in place. Before I could turn off the engine, they began stalking towards me.

Emmett took the lead. It surprised me to see the look of pure fear in his eyes. I stepped out of the car and shut the door quietly.

They all stopped just feet from me. "Where have you been?" Edward demanded.

Laurent remained quiet.

I waited for Emmett's question but didn't get one. He picked me up off my feet and gave me a big hug. "You scared the shit out of me. I thought they came for you."

_They?_ I only knew of three people he could be referring to.

He set me back on my feet and scowled at me. "Don't disappear on me like that. Go where you want, but tell someone you're leaving. And you better start answering your phone."

_Paranoid much? _"I only went to the mall. It's not like I went to some dive bar on the north side. What are you three so mad about?"

Edward provided the answer. "How would you feel if one of us disappeared for hours? You went into the house to get Emmett a drink and never came back. It's not like you, Bella. What were we supposed to think? No one saw you leave. No one saw anything. When you didn't come back after the first hour, we got worried."

It did look odd. How was I supposed to explain why I left out of nowhere? Admitting a sudden need for a makeover was never going to fly, even if it was the truth. It was just too out of character for me. Then again, I could always try.

"I needed to go shopping," I answered honestly. "And not one of you commented on my hair. Do you not like it?"

Laurent shook his head in disgust. "Don't pretend to be a ditz. It's not who you are, and we're not going to fall for it."

_Alrighty. So, the truth makes me a ditz. How nice. _The part of me that was still glowing from my rare burst of retail therapy saw my stereotypical female behavior as being a credit to my gender. I cared about my appearance for a change. How could that be bad?

Edward and Emmett glared at their friend. "Don't be so hard on her," Edward snapped at Laurent.

"Yeah. And Bells, your hair is very pretty," my brother commented sweetly as he tugged on a lock of my hair.

Score two points for Team E.

Laurent didn't say anything. He simply turned and stomped off to his basement apartment. I ignored the slight tightening in my chest his abrupt departure caused and went about the business of bringing my purchases inside the house. Maybe, my feelings weren't so dead after all.

My brother and Edward helped me. It was all handled in one trip with no talking. Their sudden silence should have clued me in, but I was distracted by the thought of an angry Laurent.

I dropped my bags onto the floor and turned to find my two guys sitting on my bed. "What?" I asked.

The angry scowls from before made a reappearance. "You didn't really think we fell for that bullshit, did you?" Emmett asked.

"It was the truth," I informed him.

"Promise you won't do something like that again," Edward requested.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I promise not to disappear again."

"Good," they said at the same time.

"Are we done here?"

Emmett patted the spot in between him and Edward. "No. Come here for a second, please."

I hung my shoulders and dragged myself across the room sitting in my assigned spot. "Let's get this over with."

"You hate shopping. Now, tell us what happened," my brother requested.

The truth wasn't going to come out of my mouth. Well, not all of the truth. "I happened to see myself in a mirror and didn't like what I saw."

Edward rubbed my back soothingly. "How is that possible? Bella, you're beautiful."

I knew he was lying. "No, I'm boring and plain. My clothes don't fit, and my hair hangs in my face like a rag. I look awful."

"That isn't true," Edward said as he draped an arm around my shoulders. "Why are you suddenly feeling like this?"

"Did someone say something to you?" my brother asked.

I turned my chin up defiantly. "No. You know I don't care what people think of me."

A small smile appeared on Edward's face. "Then, why does it matter what you look like?"

_Smart Ass._

"It doesn't. I want to look good for myself."

Emmett shook his head. "No. You want to look good for Laurent."

"No. I told you the truth. I want to look good for myself. For three years, I haven't cared about anything. Tonight, I finally did."

My brother didn't believe me.

"As much as I hate saying this, I have to." Emmett rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Laurent really likes you. You will never not look good to him."

_Well, Laurent thought Red looked pretty good, too._

"Do you not remember a couple of weeks ago when I told you to stop being love's bitch? Why are you doing it again? Man up, and tell him how you feel," Emmett continued.

I wasn't being whiny for a change. I was thinking of myself. And myself was finally starting to get a little pissed at Laurent. Who accepts a phone number from a girl when their . . . workout buddy might be watching? Not my guy, and I was going to let him know that little nugget of information.

I stood up and stomped my way to the door. "I'll be back later."

My angry legs took me straight down the stairs and out the front door. I made my way with calm fury to Laurent's apartment. The hard pounding of my feet on the steps were my calling card.

The door opened just as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Laurent stepped to the side and allowed me in without a single word exchanged between us. The soft closing of the door behind me pushed my anger up another notch.

Why was he always so cool and unaffected? It was too irritating by half.

I marched to the sofa and sat down with a heavy plop. "Hi," I greeted him rudely.

He sat on a barstool in the kitchen and didn't say anything. He simply propped an elbow up on the counter and rested his chin on his fist. The thumb on his right hand tapped a hard, steady cadence on the granite as he glared at me.

My eyes narrowed as I considered him from across the room. Calm, my ass. Laurent was pissed just as much as I was. _Good._

"Did you enjoy the lunch?" I asked in a biting tone.

He returned my tone. "It was lovely."

"You looked like you were enjoying it."

His brow wrinkled in consternation, but he remained quiet.

"No, don't speak. I would much rather talk. You don't get to know where I go or what I do. It's none of your business. If I want to travel to the moon and back, I will. I don't owe you an explanation."

"I didn't ask for one," he reminded me.

The thumb thing continued. It was starting to grate on my nerves. "Do you value your hand?"

"Why?"

I grinned like the devil. "Because I'm going to cut your thumb off if you keep doing that."

The tapping continued but got louder.

Simmering anger began to boil over. I grabbed a pillow and whacked it against the top of the coffee table as I shouted my next words. "Stop doing that."

He stepped off the barstool and knocked it backwards with his foot. My eyes widened as he walked across the room towards me.

When he stopped in front of me, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at me. "Stop being a brat."

I stood up and saw that I was too short for this argument. I stepped up on the sofa, which brought me up to eye level with him. "Stop being a jerk."

"What are you so mad at me for?"

I brought my fists up to my hips and stared at him defiantly. "Like you don't know."

Laurent groaned. "Don't play some stupid woman's game where you don't have to explain anything, and I have to admit to being wrong when I didn't do anything."

"Oh, so now I'm stupid."

"I'm not playing that game, either. If you're mad, just tell me why."

I felt a sudden urge to make a nice, quiet retreat. Now that I was down here, I couldn't remember exactly why I was here. Telling him I was jealous of Red would make me a liar.

I moved to get down from the sofa. "It doesn't matter."

Laurent put his hands on either side of my hips and held me still. "Yes, it does. Now, talk."

The demanding tone in his voice caused my anger to jump back into the mix with a vengeance. "Liar. Don't stand there and say that it matters when I know it doesn't. You don't care how I feel."

I moved my hands up and pushed on his chest. "I liked you, and you have to turn out to be an asshole. Why did you do that? Why can't you be the person I thought you were?"

He kept his hands on my hips and let me push at him. It gave me the encouragement I needed to continue. "If you didn't care about me, why did you spend so much time with me? Why did you pretend that I mattered?"

Laurent grabbed my hands and held them. "I'm not him, Bella. If this is about Jasper, I am not him."

The name hurt me. It made me ache deep inside where I stored all of my memories of a time too wonderful and awful to remember. Would it ever stop causing me pain? Could I ever think of him and not want to cry?

Jasper. My life was always about Jasper and how much I hated not having him with me. I missed his smile and his voice. I wanted so much to run and find him. If I could, I would grab on tight and never let go, but I couldn't. I didn't know where he was, and if I did, I still couldn't have him.

"This isn't about Jasper," I lied. "It's about you. I saw that girl give you her phone number. Why would you let her do that? Do you know how it made me feel?"

He dropped my hands, and I started pushing at him again. "Why did you do that?" I demanded.

A satisfied smirk formed on his lips. "You're jealous."

_Not really. My pride is hurt, and jealousy is only a small part of the picture. _"No, I'm pissed off. You knew I might see you. What would you do if you saw me give some guy my number?"

The smirk left his face and was replaced with sharp eyes and a dangerous tone. "You really don't want me to answer that."

There was something disquieting about his change in demeanor. Could my hesitation to move forward be rooted in something else? I liked to think I was a better judge of character than I had been three years ago. After all, Laurent was Jasper's cousin. It only made sense that there could be some issues there that I hadn't considered but some part of me knew must exist.

No, it had to just be my imagination. He had never shown himself to be anything other than a nice person. I had known Jasper wasn't all good, and he had eventually proved that to be true. With Laurent, everything I knew was good. Plus, my brother liked him and so did Edward. They also knew him much better than I did, and I felt sure they would have warned me if there were problems.

"Why would I accept her phone number? Have you even thought about what the answer to that might be?" Laurent asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I had been expecting a denial, and he took a different route.

"Were you just being nice?"

He laughed at me. "No."

The answer confused me. Was it about my reluctance to make a move? Was he just not interested anymore? He was last night. "Do you not like me? You hardly talked to me today. Sure, you hold my hand sometimes, but you never try to kiss me. And I know I . . ."

"Stop talking," he shouted.

I gasped at the sudden change in his tone. His next words were delivered with a rough edge.

"Do you think this person you know is really me? Do you think I'm this way with every girl? I'm not. I have to hold you at a distance to even hope to get close to you. I've showed more patience than ever with you, and I'm getting tired of it."

His next words told me just how tired of it he was. "I got her phone number, and I asked her out. And if I like her, I'll keep seeing her because at least with her I can get somewhere."

_Wow. Okay. You do that. _I actually found it more interesting that Laurent initially appeared to have no clue why I was mad but then suddenly admitted to asking someone else out on a date. It was clear as day he hadn't planned on saying anything until confronted with what I saw.

When he spoke again, it was in a much lower voice. "Do you even know what you want?"

It was a good question I had no answer for. Who could blame me for being cautious? Who could blame me for holding back? I couldn't really be mad at him. He was only putting as much effort into this as I was, which wasn't much if I was being honest.

I stared into his eyes and willed myself to give him an answer. I could tell he needed to hear something from me, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't really claim there was something between us. I had thought there was, but my lack of any real feelings earlier was telling me something entirely different.

_He's not Jasper, and he never will be._

Laurent finally got tired of waiting and backed away from me before moving to stand across the room.

_Dammit, Bella. Say something._ I couldn't talk.

"When you figure out what it is you want, let me know. I may still be here for it, but until then, I think we should just be friends."

_Stupid girl. You are throwing away a chance to finally move on. _Was that what he was? Was he just a way for me to finally move on from the person who still lived in my heart? Was what I thought I felt for Laurent even real? I didn't know, and that lack of knowledge helped make up my mind.

I stepped down from the sofa and walked to the front door. There was no doubt or regret pulsing through me. The void was back, and it was where my new thoughts were focused. Was I even in here at all anymore? Who was this girl who felt nothing? It couldn't be normal.

Before I left, I turned back around and found Laurent staring at the floor. I knew I had disappointed him, but it was better to do it now than later.

"Bella, you can still come see me in the morning if you want. I'll never keep you out."

_I'll never keep you out._ It was exactly what I was doing to him.

After leaving his apartment, I ignored the looks Emmett and Edward sent me and went upstairs to retrieve my purse. I left a few minutes later after telling them I would be back in an hour.

I then got in my car and just drove around. A persistent voice in my head kept telling me to turn the car around and go home. I ignored it. Thinking was easier without one of the guys coming in my room to bother me.

Fifteen minutes of passing lights and a wandering spirit took me to an all-night diner I hadn't been to since my first week in town. The memory of their apple pie sent me inside for a snack. To me, it was almost a forbidden dessert. I rarely allowed myself the luxury of eating it. Three years had passed since I bit into the firm skin of a good apple. If they were in a pie, I could make a rare exception. The apples were cut up and cooked to where I could almost pretend they weren't even the same fruit. Tonight, they felt appropriate, and nothing else would satisfy my appetite. The worst part of the whole thing was I knew the flavor would taunt me with memories of a hidden cabin and a world I left behind. It always did.

After giving my order to the waitress, I started up an old hobby of mine, people watching. I remembered the days when I would sit on my bench and watch the different students walk by. The loneliness I felt during that time came back to me. I hated that I was feeling that way again, but it was my own fault.

Had I lost all ability to feel anything for another person after loving Jasper? It certainly felt like it. All of the people I met paled in comparison to him. They rarely held my interest. None of them could hope to challenge me in the ways he did. The connection just wasn't there. He breathed fire into me, and I missed that feeling so very much. Try as I might, I couldn't get it back no matter what I did.

It made me wonder if maybe all this time I hadn't been running at all. What if I had been searching for someone else and coming up blank? What if no one woke me up completely because only one person could do it other than myself? It wasn't Laurent who made me want to start living again. It was me. I made the decision to move down here. I made the decision to finally try to move on. It was all me.

An angry voice pulled me back into reality. I turned in my chair and watched as a heavyset man argued with the cashier. He insisted he had been overcharged and was being quite vocal with his protests. Did a dollar really mean so much to him?

I continued to watch him until he finally left. When he stepped out of my line of sight, I found myself staring into familiar eyes.

_Not possible. Not even remotely possible. This stupid pie is making me crazy._

I turned back in my seat and focused on my glass of water. My mind was playing tricks on me. It was the only explanation. It had to be because the alternative was too awful and wonderful to contemplate. He couldn't be here. He was supposed to be anywhere but here.

A quick glance back told me it was just my imagination. Whoever had been there was gone now. Had it of been him, he would not have left.

Disappointment washed through me for a second. It changed to concern when I realized this meant I was hallucinating because I was sure of what I saw. I closed my eyes and pictured him.

Blue eyes, blond hair, devastating smile.

There were times when it made me ache to think of him, but there were other times when I would allow myself to be glad I had known him. Right now was one of those times. Knowing him and loving him were gifts I would never give back.

"Thinking good thoughts," a voice said from in front of me.

My heart began a rapid thump, and my breath quickened. His voice had played in my head like a song for years now. Every time I replayed it, I could feel him touching me as he said my name.

I licked my lips waiting and hoping that I would hear a new chord. He gifted me with my name, and I smiled in spite of my inner turmoil.

"Bella."

Nothing had ever sounded so sweet. I said his name and heard him breathe in deeply. Warmth ran fast and furious through me at the sound. Had I been a dying man in the desert, I would have asked for the taste of his name on my lips over that of water. I could die without both, but one would always make my heart sing.

I wanted to open my eyes but couldn't. The very idea of doing that left me frightened out of my mind. What if he disappeared? What if this really was my imagination playing tricks? Or what if he was really here? I wasn't ready for reality. I was happy living in my head where he was a good guy, and we had a chance. Seeing him would bring back the truth, and the truth would hurt me.

"Open your eyes, Bella."

Just like all those times in the past, I did as he asked. I was as powerless now as I had always been.

I stared into his eyes, and the diner turned into a crowded cafeteria in an old school. I was eighteen again and desperately in love as I gazed adoringly at the boy who wrecked my world. All my emotions rushed through me in a flood that could not be contained. He was here, and I never wanted him anywhere else. The truth was simple. I still loved him and always would.

_Jasper._


	6. Chapter 6

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 6 - I Don't Want You Here

_Jasper._

I couldn't say anything. All I could do was stare at the person in front of me. He was here. In this town. In this diner. In the chair right across from me.

He waved a hand in front of my eyes. "Are you alive in there? It's been a couple of minutes, and breathing would be good."

Breathing. To hell with that. Passing out was the best idea in the world.

Nothing. I had nothing.

He slid his right hand across the table and covered one of my own. I exhaled slowly and felt calm sweep through me. The pain was gone. The fear was gone. It was just him, in this place, bringing me back to a time when I was happy and joyous and so very alive.

When he squeezed my hand, it broke me out of my fog. A crack appeared in the mirror of my dreams as reality began to set in. I wasn't supposed to feel good about seeing him.

The waitress set my order down in front of me and asked something, but I didn't even pay attention. I heard Jasper's voice answer for me. His lips moving. That smile. Those eyes. That voice. The sound of him breathing. He was a beautiful nightmare.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was small, weak, and unfamiliar.

That devil's smile I loved so much made an appearance. "The same as you. I like apple pie."

I reluctantly started to move my hand out from under his, but he caught it with his own. When he turned it over and began tracing soothing circles on my palm, I stopped breathing again. It was a simple thing, but it brought back so many bittersweet memories from when he would do this before.

Why did it have to be him that could both calm my heart and send it crashing down? If I was this wrecked over a him touching me, I was a goner. I had to be strong. I couldn't let myself fall into the same traps as I did before. Jasper was not good for me. I knew this.

"Stop doing that," I stuttered out.

I wanted to sound like I was in control, but my mouth was not working right. The words and the stuttering made me appear weak and vulnerable, which I was.

Jasper's eyes turned gentle. "I missed you, Bella."

_Those eyes. That look. No. No. No. No. No._

I tugged my hand away from his, and he frowned in response. My hand was smart. It moved right down to my leg to stop the tapping I had just become aware of. My restless feet were playing out a song of their own. They couldn't seem to decide if they wanted me to stay here or leave.

"You shouldn't be here," I told him in a voice that had gained in strength.

Jasper tilted his head to the side and observed me curiously. "Where should I be?"

I ignored his question and asked one of my own. "Why are you in this town?"

"School. It starts on Monday," he answered nonchalantly.

His eyes were mocking me. He knew that him being here confused me, and that his appearance had left me shocked. The knowledge kind of pissed me off. Who was he to come along out of the blue and upset my perfect little world?

Dumb question. Simple answer. He was Jasper Whitlock, and that was his job.

I needed to somehow get control of this situation but was at a loss on how to do it. "Are Alice and Rose with you?"

He looked around. "Nope. They don't appear to be here right now."

_Smart ass._

"You know what I mean. Are they in town?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes, but don't worry. I've been making them keep their distance from you. They won't bother you."

Of course, they wouldn't because he controlled everything. If he told them to shoot themselves, the only questions would be picking out the gun and where to aim. I doubted those two girls could even function without written instructions from him.

Speaking of him, Jasper was stealing my pie. I watched him snag a stray apple off my plate. He groaned from the flavor, and I think my heart stuttered. Damn.

"This is good," he said with a knowing smile. "You should try a bite."

No. Not even a small bite. I didn't want any part of this dessert. The thought floated away when he held up a fork and offered me a taste. Cinnamon, nutmeg, and apples. I could smell it all, and it was just too tempting. I took a bite, and it was divine.

Why was it that the things in life that looked and tasted the best were always so bad for a person? It just wasn't fair. This dessert had cooked slices of a healthy food, but the rest of it was sugar, flour, and butter. It was everything a person was supposed to avoid. It just wasn't fair. It was so damned good, and I wanted a bite of this everyday for the rest of my life.

_Take another bite. You know you want to._

Wow. I had to get control of myself. This wasn't an All-American dessert anymore. It was the devil's dessert. And I didn't like the devil. I liked nice, sweet guys who ate banana pudding and peach cobbler. Yeah, that didn't make a damn bit of sense.

I made myself concentrate and finally remembered Alice's visit to the bookstore. "You were here last month. Did you not leave?"

Jasper's eyes turned sharp. It provided me with one answer. That day was no coincidence. They had purposely shown up. He and Rosalie probably watched my reaction as they waited from a distance.

"No. We didn't leave."

This whole time I had been asking myself why Alice showed up that day. What were her motives? I should have been asking why Jasper wanted her to show up. What were his motives? She only did what he asked her to do.

"Why send in Alice? Why not come in yourself?"

"I wanted you to know we were around, and I wanted to see what you would do. Your reaction told me you needed more time. So, I gave it to you."

A simple answer. I had expected some grand scheme, but it all came down to him wanting a way to gauge my reaction. I could tell he spoke the truth. In his own twisted way, Jasper thought he was doing the right thing. It wasn't him playing a game. It was him trying to help me. Alice's appearance was a way of preparing me for his arrival. Had he just shown up out of nowhere, I would have taken off. He knew me well enough to know that.

"Why did you have her lie about just passing through?"

"I don't give her a script, Bella. She did that on her own."

And here I thought they had a stage where they could practice their bullshit theater act.

"Have you been watching us?" I needed to know. It would answer even more questions that I had.

"Off and on." He started tapping his fingers idly on the tabletop. "You're kind of boring. Do you ever leave the house?"

I was out of practice when it came to dealing with his unique brand of bullshit. He was one of the only people I ever met who could talk to you but never say anything. It was his way of pushing a person and testing them to see if they asked the right questions or were willing to play his game. I had seen him do it with other people but never with me.

"You sound like a stalker. Did you follow me here?"

He shook his head. "I have other things to do besides follow you around. Tonight is just a happy coincidence."

"You're lying."

Jasper's eye sparkled with amusement. He really needed to dial down the jerk side of his nature. It was making the love fade and the nausea take over. Not just because I hated it but also because a part of me missed it. He may have been a jerk, but he was a charming one.

"You were leaving as I got home. I decided to see where you were going," he admitted.

I should have known. "Which house are you living in? I'm guessing the one with the large front windows."

The house was three doors down from ours and sat back off the street on a double lot. I had noticed it in passing and admired the stonework that set it apart from the other houses on the block.

He nodded. "You always did know what I liked."

That was not what I wanted to hear, and he knew it.

"Jasper, please leave us alone. We have a good life here, and we're happy."

"Be honest. You don't want me to leave you alone, do you?"

_Never. _I shook off the errant thought and tried to remember that I wasn't supposed to want him here. Jasper bad. Jasper/Bella worse.

The waitress came over and interrupted our quiet. "Can I get you anything else?"

I shook my head. "No, just the check."

"Your boyfriend already took care of it," she replied before marching off to her next table.

Typical. I grabbed my purse and stood up. "Stay away from us," I told him. "I know what you did to Emmett and Edward after I left, and I don't want to have anything to do with you. Just stay away."

_Keep lying. That'll work._

Jasper didn't follow me, but I felt his eyes on me as I walked to my car. I left immediately after getting inside. I didn't want him to think that he had affected me in any way. What a joke that was. He knew me too well.

The drive back to the house was spent with me going over several different plans. Most of them involved how I would tell Emmett and Edward about Jasper's reappearance. It didn't take me long to decide that doing so was probably not a good idea. They would very likely go over to his house and try to start something. I couldn't let that happen.

No acceptable solution presented itself. I didn't know what to do. If I told them, it would lead to trouble. If I didn't, it would lead to trouble. Either way, I was screwed.

I pulled into the driveway and sat in my car. The lights were on in the living room. They were very likely watching a movie or playing a game.

I didn't want to talk to them about this tonight, but I also didn't want to avoid it either. If it weren't for what happened earlier, I would have gone to Laurent. I had no doubt that he could fix any problem. He was Jasper's cousin, after all. That got me thinking. If anyone could understand what was happening, he was the one.

My decision was made. I walked down the steps and knocked on the door. When he answered it, he was talking on the phone. "She just showed up."

My immediate guess was Jasper. Laurent hung up the phone and confirmed it. "He wanted to know that you got home okay."

Of course, he did. It was another reminder of how much I meant to him. Time and distance had let me lie to myself about the feelings he had. I knew that I loved him, but I could tell myself that he didn't love me. It was easier than dealing with the truth. It was also what helped me stay away from him. I needed that lie.

I walked inside Laurent's apartment and started pacing the room as I felt tears start to form in my eyes. I hadn't cried for Jasper in years, but all of this was starting to hit me at once. Seeing him made all that wretched pain come back. It was forming a familiar hole in my chest again as different emotions grabbed onto me and held tight.

I felt frustrated, angry, and lost. The worst part was that the one person who could help me the most was the one causing the problem. He could stop the pain and make all my troubles disappear, but it wasn't a permanent solution. The minute he was away from me all the pain would just come right back.

Why was it that the person who could destroy my world was also the only person who could fix it? It wasn't fair. I needed him so much, and it was that need that made him so dangerous.

Laurent walked up to me and hugged me to him. "Are you okay?"

I laughed bitterly. It was the only response that felt right. "Did you know he was here?"

He shook his head. "No, we haven't spoken in months."

"What did he say?"

"He called up and said he saw you at some diner. He knew you were upset and wanted to know that you made it home okay."

"How could I be okay, Laurent? I love him, and I wish so much that I didn't."

His eyes flashed with pain. I just told him I still loved his cousin. Brilliant, Bella. I couldn't have said anything worse to him. He might have asked that girl out, but I still knew that Laurent wanted something with me. And I just slapped him in the face with my affection for another man. I was the worst person on the planet.

I had to say something. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for being honest. We don't have to be some big couple. We can just have fun together. We're friends first, right?" he asked.

I liked that idea. Friends first. It was simple and lacked the ridiculous complications that bombarded me with Jasper. Not every relationship had to be some big romance. We could just have fun together, and I knew that Laurent would be more than willing to provide me with distraction from his cousin.

"Friends first," I agreed.

He hugged me close, and I suddenly felt much better. Jasper didn't seem like such a big deal when I had someone else to concentrate on. What a lie that was. I was a master at bending my feelings around and shutting them off, but it was all an illusion. All of it was still there. I could just ignore it for a short time until it slapped me in the face again.

Two things I couldn't ignore were the men upstairs. "I need to go tell Edward and Emmett that I saw him."

Laurent rubbed my back. "Don't tell them. Let's just see what happens. Give it a few days."

The answer wasn't what I expected, but it was what I wanted to hear. I knew I should tell them, but doing so was not easy. In the end, I let Laurent's opinion guide me.

* * * * * *

The next day dawned early. I knocked softly on Laurent's front door and waited to be let inside. I didn't have to wait long. He waved me in the door and shut it quickly behind us.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he rushed me into the living room.

He held up an index finger to his lips and picked the phone up. "I'm back."

I watched him pace through the room while he had an argument with the person on the phone. His tone was very harsh. It made me wonder just who he disliked so much and why he bothered talking to them.

When he finished his conversation, he hung up the phone and threw it into a corner of the room. I flinched back from the sound and watched him as he stomped over to the sofa and sat down. Anger was controlling his every movement.

I didn't know what to do. Leaving seemed like the wrong move, but staying didn't seem right either. I settled on waiting to see what he would do next. He didn't do anything. I started to back out of the room to give him time alone. It was obvious to me that he needed that.

Or not.

My feet stopped their quiet retreat when Laurent finally spoke. "Come sit with me."

When I hesitated, he got impatient. "Don't just stand there. Come here."

The tone was not nice at all. I understood he was upset, but taking it out on me was not okay.

"Please, Bella," he said in a switch back to nice.

The change was alarming, but I put it off as an apology of sorts for his previous tone. I walked over to where I was standing in front of him. He stared up at me and gave me a weak smile. My first thought had been to sit next to him, but I didn't have a chance to do that.

I was pulled down onto his lap and wrapped up in a tight embrace. Time seemed to fade into the background as he calmly stroked my hair and held me close. I doubt he realized it, but I needed this as much as him. It was very soothing.

Our silence was broken when he asked me a question. "Why can't more women be like you?"

Looking at it from a purely honest standpoint, I would have to say that I hoped most women were stronger than me. I hadn't proven to be the best example. I was trying to be better, but I really wasn't there yet.

Laurent tapped me on the leg. "Let's go out and eat. It'll get my mind off my family."

He drove us to a run down building that looked like a former snow cone stand. It was surrounded by cars and had a line of people twenty deep that wrapped around the side of the building.

As we walked to the back of the line, I glanced nervously at the other people. Everyone was staring at Laurent, and not a single person missed our arrival. When their eyes left him, they would fall on me. I had never wanted to escape a public place so much in my life. The people were just too interested in us.

When we got to the end of the line, I grabbed one of his hands and moved in closer to his side. He wrapped an arm around my waist and gave me a reassuring squeeze. It helped but only a little.

The line moved forward quicker than I expected. It wasn't until we were about three people from the front that someone approached us. The man was one of a group of several who stood leaning against a work truck about twenty feet away. He broke from the group and moved in our direction.

Laurent nodded his head at the man as he walked up to us. "Good morning."

The man stuck his hand out, "I just wanted to shake your hand. You're a hell of a player."

_Player?_

Laurent shook the man's hand. "Thank you, sir."

"What was he talking about?"

"I transferred down here for my last three years of college. A few people still recognize me."

The man strutted back to his friends, who all clapped him on the back. Laurent turned his attention back to the line and stepped forward to the window. He held up six fingers to the lady who stood waiting for his order. No words were exchanged as he handed her a twenty and then grabbed the paper bag she held out to him a moment later.

When we got back in the truck, I turned to him. "This is officially the weirdest breakfast place ever."

He dug into the bag and pulled out two burritos handing me one. "No, this is the best breakfast place ever."

I looked down nervously at my food. At least if it killed me, we would go together. I unwrapped the burrito and took a big bite. Cheesy potato and egg goodness melted in my mouth. It was heaven in a tortilla. I groaned from the pure pleasure of it.

"Told ya."

I finished my first one off quickly and grabbed another one from the bag. Laurent laughed at my childlike enthusiasm. I ignored him and unwrapped my next burrito. This one was bean and cheese. If possible, it was better than the first.

Ten minutes later, I relaxed into the seat and sighed heavily. "That was the best breakfast of my entire life."

"I'm glad you liked it. It was better than I remembered."

"When were you here last?"

"A year ago."

"When you played?"

Laurent nodded. "Yeah. A lot of the guys come here for breakfast. It's why people were staring at us. The probably were trying to figure out if I was a current player."

"Why didn't you tell me you played?"

"I thought you knew."

I didn't know. In fact, I didn't really know much about him at all. He was like his cousin in that he rarely talked about himself. "Why did you transfer down here?" I asked.

He was reluctant to answer but eventually did. "Jasper had a verbal commitment to play at the school. I knew how good he was going to be and wanted to play on the same team. I transferred in but had to sit out a year before I could play. When I met you your senior year, I was just visiting my family for a few weeks and making some extra bucks helping at Alice's party."

_In the middle of a school year? _Why was I surprised? None of their crew considered attendance a big deal.

"So, wait. You played last year. Why did you have to move down here? Weren't you already here?"

"I left school right after the season was over. My time was up, and I didn't come to school to learn."

Add a mark to the incompatibility side of our chart. I couldn't believe anyone with an opportunity for a free education wouldn't take advantage of it. Not to mention, he would have had only one semester left. What he did just didn't sit well with me.

I changed topics. "Why didn't Jasper play in college?"

"Let's not talk about him. It doesn't really matter, does it?"

Dumb question. He knew it mattered to me, but he still didn't want to tell me. "Why can't you just answer the question?"

"When will you grow up and get over the past?" he said in a tone that made me think of his attitude from earlier.

I couldn't decide if Laurent was just having a bad day or what. His tone was alternating between almost hateful and then back to his usual sweetness. It was a little jarring.

I was bothered by his refusal to answer and by his tone but opted to let it go. In the end, I didn't need an answer from him about Jasper. I could just get it from the source. Asking Laurent for answers would just cause an argument.

* * * * * *

The bell on the front door of the shop rang, announcing the arrival of another customer. With classes starting in two days, we had been busy constantly. I was looking forward to next summer when things would settle down again. Aro had told me that school always turned the store into a madhouse.

Today, Victoria and I had stayed busy from the time we arrived until thirty minutes ago when the crowds dwindled. I had been so busy that I didn't really have time to think about my problems. Now, I wasn't busy, and my mind was wandering. Jasper's reappearance the previous night and my odd friendship with Laurent were both leaving me confused.

A smack on my butt woke me out of my daydreams. I turned around and found Aro glaring at me.

"What did I tell you about you hitting me with that cane?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "What did I tell you about slacking off?"

As much as I hated to admit it, I was slacking. "Sorry, but I'm a little distracted today."

"It's a boy thing, right?"

I moved from the cash register and stood in front of his chair. "How did you know?"

Aro smiled knowingly. "Only two things can put that look on a girl's face. One is shopping, and the other is a boy. You're not the type to care much about shopping, which leaves boy trouble."

I couldn't very well argue against that. "I've met someone."

"And you like him, right?"

I nodded as I let my thoughts turn to Jasper. "He's different than other people I've known. He doesn't really talk much, but I get the idea he has a lot to say. Does that make any sense?"

"Don't let him fool you. Men only have a few things to say. One-word answers are best, but two will work. Anymore than that and you girls get mad."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "That is not true."

"Sure it is. Let me ask you this. Do you want a boy that yaps all the time? Or do you want a man who will throw you over his shoulder because you're his woman?"

My jaw dropped. "I can't believe you just said that."

"No. You can't believe that the second question is the one you would answer yes to."

I repeated my protest from a second ago. "That is not true."

_Yes, it is._

He tapped his cane on the floor and barked with laughter. "Where did you meet him?"

I had to switch to Laurent for this question. It was just easier. "My brother rents out the basement apartment to him, but I met him years ago."

"And he's attractive, right?" he asked knowingly.

_Oh, yeah._

"He's not bad," I answered neutrally.

Aro saw straight through me. "Of course, he's attractive. You wouldn't look twice at him if he wasn't."

"Are you calling me shallow?"

He shook his head and smiled. "No, I'm calling you human. Is he an athlete?"

"Yes, and before you say anything, that is not why I like him."

My answer chased away the amusement in Aro's eyes. "He's not a football player, is he?"

I smiled. "He was. He works with the team now."

A deep frown formed on his face. "What's his name?"

"Laurent."

Aro rubbed his chin and considered the name. "Last name, Whitlock. Played cornerback the previous two years. His cousin was a high level prospect we landed but lost due to injury."

Cousin. Injury. "What do you know about his cousin?"

"Jasper Whitlock. But that boy ain't a Whitlock. He's a Hale. His grandfather was a bigwig down here for years, and the family still has a lot of pull around these parts. They've alway given a ton of money to the school. The whole bunch got rich off oil years back. Now, it's property. They own a lot of land."

You have got to be kidding me_. _This was just ridiculous. Aro knew more about Jasper than I did.

I didn't care about the money. I wanted to know about the man. "Can you get back to the injury?"

Aro nodded. "It was damned shame if you ask me. The kid was supposed to be real good, but an injury the winter of his senior year took away his college career. People were pretty upset about it at the time. He had the whole world courting him and then nothing. It was sad."

My hands started shaking. I tightened them into fists to control the tremors. He had been injured, and it was bad enough to keep him from playing. Why did no one tell me? What happened? Was he okay now? I had to know right this second. Nothing else was important but knowing that he was okay. All of my feelings came back in a rush. My love for him was front and center. Whatever problems we had could be worked out. I just needed to see him.

"Are you okay, kid?" Aro asked. "You're looking a little sick."

"How do you know so much about the team and the family?"

He gave me a quizzical look. "It's common knowledge for anyone who follows the team. Him being a Hale makes it worse. I ain't never met the kid, but people like him always seem to have their business known."

The last hour of my work day went by in a fog. I checked people out, stocked books, and answered questions, but none of it really registered. I wanted to throw my apron on the floor but couldn't. The store was covered up again, and my help was needed.

When my time to leave came, I ran to my car and drove home with my foot pressed hard against the floorboard. I knew my car in his driveway could potentially alert my brother and friends to my location, so I left my car at my house. I then looked around carefully before running to Jasper's.

No cars were parked outside, but they were likely in the garage. I knocked furiously on the front door until it was opened. I barely registered who it was before I was wrapped up in someone's arms. His wonderful smell told me it was him. Jasper was the ocean with its waves crashing on the beach and the warmth of fine sand. He was heaven.

He brushed my hair from my face. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Why are you so red? Did something happen?"

The questions were fired at me rapidly. I scared him. "No. No. I'm fine. I just had to see you."

He smiled so bright that it was like sunshine. The sight instantly calmed me. When he grabbed onto one of my hands and pulled me into the house, I followed eagerly behind him.

We didn't stop at the living room. Jasper brought me to the bedroom and shut the door behind us. He guided me to one of two chairs in the sitting area before sitting in the other one. For several minutes, we just stared at each other.

Was I really here with him? If he hadn't still had a firm hold on my hand, I would have questioned if he were real. He was, though, and it was exhilarating. I wanted to laugh, skip, and sing. Nothing was better than having him so close to me.

I finally couldn't help it. I had to laugh. It was just too good.

Jasper didn't smile. Confusion was written in his eyes and on his face. "What's with the change? I thought you didn't want anything to do with me."

_Oh yeah. _I couldn't seem to make that thought work anymore. All the other stuff seemed so small and unimportant at this point. We were important. Us together. Everything else was just details.

"I heard today that you got hurt, and it was why you didn't play in college. I got so upset. I needed to know that you were okay."

Jasper's response was not what I expected. His eyes turned cold. When he spoke, any affection he had for me was missing in his voice. His tone was critical. "You came here for that. Pity. You feeling sorry for me is what brought you here."

He stood up and jerked me to my feet before pulling me out of the room and back to the front of the house. He opened the front door and practically shoved me out. "I don't need your pity or anything else. Now go home, and don't come back. I don't want you here."

The door was slammed in my face.

_I don't want you here._ The only other person to ever say that to me was my father. It still rang loud and clear in my head, only now I heard Jasper's voice saying it.

His words and actions were like an exorcism. The demon was gone. My heart started beating. My blood started pumping. My brain started thinking. I told myself that no longer would Jasper Whitlock exist as the center of my universe. Whatever we had shared in the past was dead, and it was about damned time.

With the slamming of a door and a careless sentence, I thought he had done the one thing I needed most. Jasper brought me back to life.

I was wrong. Without him, I was still half dead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 7 - We're All Liars

I stomped home in a fit of wild anger. In the time I had been gone, Emmett and Edward made it home for the day. When I came charging into the living room and slammed the door closed behind me, they both jumped.

Emmett was the first to speak. "Bella, are you okay?"

My head jerked in his direction. "No, I'm not okay. I'm pissed off," I clipped out.

Their eyes widened. I threw my purse over at the stairs. That shit could just sit there until I was ready to pick it up later. I started pacing the room and kicked at anything in my way. Chairs. Tables. Books. People.

Edward pulled his legs up and away from me when I walked by him. No one said anything as I slowly let my temper reach a boiling point. They simply sat back and waited for the explosion. It had been a long time coming.

The phone was what finally set me off. I walked over to it and answered it. The voice was one I hated. "Bella?"

_Charlie. _He called every few weeks but was always ignored. We didn't want anything to do with him, but he kept on trying. If he wasn't such an evil jerk, I would have felt bad for him.

I calmly hung up the phone and turned to my brother. "Charlie called."

After those short words, I ripped the phone away from the wall and threw it across the room. The loud clatter made me smile. It felt good to break something. I searched the room for something else mundane and unimportant. My anger wasn't so bad that I was completely out of control. No, I was perfectly fine. I just wanted to break shit.

My inner nice girl spoke up. She didn't think breaking things would make me feel good. She was an idiot. Because when I picked up a metal chair and started beating it into the floor, I felt much better.

The chair was a good choice. It didn't hurt the carpeted floor. Though, I did dent the hell out of the chair. By the time I was done with it, the poor thing wouldn't open anymore, but I was tired, which was probably good. Nothing else would get hurt.

_Hurt. Angry. Tired. Chairs. _

I took a hard look at myself. What the hell was I doing? I was ripping phones out walls and damaging furniture. I wasn't a three-year-old child. Why was I acting like one? This wasn't me. I wasn't some kid who could just give into a tantrum. I was supposed to be rational and act my age. This wasn't good. This was embarrassing. No wonder Edward and Emmett treated me like a kid. Apparently, I acted like one. When the hell had that happened?

Had I let the world pass me by so much that when I did manage to catch up I was so far behind everyone else I didn't know how to act or what to do? I was everywhere at once. Grownup, child, and everything in between made almost daily appearances. It was like the different parts inside of me were fighting, and one would briefly rise triumphant before being taken down by another part.

I never used to be like this. Then again, I drifted for a few years in a world of blank. I wasn't even half there most of the time. I operated on low speed. Now, I couldn't decide between walking and sprinting. Was it all just part of me figuring out who I was again? No, it was me being a brat. I was a spoiled, rotten little kid who needed a swift kick in the pants.

My brother and Edward sat patiently waiting for my bitch fit to be over. I walked over to them and sat down on the sofa. "I'm sorry."

They didn't say anything. They knew I was regretting my behavior. I was also regretting not mentioning that I saw Jasper.

I finally spoke. "Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie are in town. They live three doors down on the left."

Emmett stood up and shouted. "What did he do? No. Don't answer. I'm just gonna go kick his ass."

I guess being a kid ran in the family. We all suffered from it. Well, it was going to stop right now. Queen Bella was putting this shit right back in order. I would decide if Jasper got his ass kicked. He was my problem. My pain. If anyone got to hurt him, it was me.

My brother started walking to the front door. "Emmett," I grounded out through gritted teeth. "Please, sit down and listen."

All the fight went out of him. He returned to his spot on the couch and bulled up with an angry glare on his face.

Edward wisely remained quiet. I knew what he was doing. He was considering all of the information and waiting for more answers.

I stood up and moved to where I could see them both clearly. "Did either of you know they were in town?"

It was a very valid question. They lived three doors down. I couldn't imagine one of the guys not seeing something. It was no big surprise that I would miss the signs. My powers of observation had been pretty well absent here lately.

My brother cringed. There was one. I let my attention move to Edward next. He ducked his head. And there was two. It figured.

I turned my attention to Emmett first. "How long?"

"Since a week after we first saw them."

Several weeks. Rose. "You've been sneaking around with Rosalie. What the hell were you thinking?"

"You don't get to piss and moan about me sneaking around. You did the same thing with Jasper."

"No shit. And look how great that turned out. You know if she's here that they are. How could you not tell us?"

"She said they were going to leave you alone, and they have."

His idiotic words made one thing very clear.

"So, you're sleeping with her," I accused. "It explains why you suddenly turned into the dumbest man on the planet. Add sex to the mix, and a person's judgment automatically becomes questionable."

He didn't like hearing that. "I believe in her. Sex doesn't matter."

"Did you honestly think they would leave me alone? You know Jasper. What the hell were you thinking?"

Emmett averted his eyes. "I was thinking it wouldn't matter because you would be with Laurent."

_Because that would solve everything. _

I looked over at Edward. "What about you?"

He was getting frustrated and started running his hands through his hair. It was when I knew he was hiding something big.

"Just tell the truth, Edward. Don't we all need to know what's going on?"

Some answers were better off not said, but the truth needed to come out.

"I called them after you saw Alice at the bookstore. I just wanted to know what was going on. That was all I wanted," he answered.

I couldn't even find it in me to get mad. The whole thing felt inevitable. I knew the two groups would only stay separate for so long, eventually something would happen that brought us back full circle.

"What happened?" I asked.

Edward took a deep breath before answering. "I talked to Jasper. He's been checking up on you off and on for years and waiting for some sign. I don't know what he was waiting for, but there was something he wanted you to do before he would approach you. When you moved down here, it set this whole thing in motion."

It didn't surprise me. I knew Jasper wouldn't let things go completely. It was just not who he was. "What else?"

"He said he wanted to get us all back together. I told him it wouldn't happen, not after what they did in high school. He promised that if we wanted them to leave they would. All he wants is for everyone to be friends again. So, we used Rose and Emmett as a test run."

_We used Rose and Emmett. _I was horrified. Jasper was still playing puppet master, and now Edward was joining him. "I can't believe you did this."

Neither could my brother. "A test run. You piece of shit. You're no better than he is."

Edward stood up and put his hands in front of him in surrender. "Just listen."

"Listen. No. Why the fuck should I listen to you? This whole time you've been working with Jasper. Did you set up Bella and Laurent, too?"

"Hell no. I already told you that was a bad idea."

Wait. "I thought you were okay with me being with Laurent."

Emmett spoke up. "No. He talked me into warning Laurent off when you first got here. When I saw how well you two got along, I backed off on that."

"You know why it's a bad idea, Em," Edward told him. "Laurent has a shitty temper, and he only wants Bella because of Jasper. You know this."

"I used to know you were my friend. I guess I had that wrong."

I needed more answers. None of this made any sense. "Edward, what about the prank calls? Was that not them?"

Edward ducked his head. "It was just the one call, and it was a wrong number. I was covering up for being irritated about the Laurent thing. He's not a good guy for you, and Emmett won't listen to me."

_And no one can tell me these things?_

My brother jumped in with his own opinion. "Bullshit. I've never seen him lose his temper even once, and you know he helped me get on the football team and get my scholarship. If he's not a good guy, I don't know who is. I'm starting to think all of this is more about what you want. What's your angle, Cullen?"

I had to step in. "We are not going to let this ruin us." I turned to my brother. "I know you're mad. We all are, but you know Edward thinks of you as a brother. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Please. For me."

His eyes softened slightly. "Fine."

I sat down next to Emmett and held his hand as we waited for Edward's explanation. When he finally began to speak, the words answered so much more than I expected.

"Have you ever done something so bad that it eats away at you constantly? You can push it to the side and not think about it, but you never stop knowing that it's there. You feel it stabbing at you constantly. The more you ignore it the worse you feel. Have you ever felt that way?"

Edward stopped in front of me waiting for an answer. I shook my head. "What did you do?"

"I feel so much guilt over everything. The group. All of us. We were weak, stupid fools, but we cared about each other. Even now, there is nothing I wouldn't do for any of them. I know it doesn't make sense after everything they did, but you don't know our whole history."

Nothing he was saying gave me any indication of what was going on. We would just have to wait it out and hope he started making some sort of sense.

Edward crouched down in front of us.

"When we started out, everything was great. But soon it all fell apart. Everyone but me was lost. Jasper's mom left, and he was angry at the world. Alice's parents were never there for her. She never had any boundaries. Then there was you, Emmett. You were going through this whole thing where you thought Bella and your mom abandoned you. Rose was no better. Both of her parents were dead. She had no one except Jasper, and he was only half there."

I had known some of this but it was often forgotten when I remembered their group. They had been their own family.

He continued. "I was supposed to be the strong one. Jasper leaned on me, and gradually everyone else did, too. It wasn't always what you saw in Forks, Bella. At one time, I was in Jasper's spot. I guided us, and then it all went to hell when my parents told me about my real past. I crashed. Emmett, do you remember how bad that was?"

My brother looked sadly at his friend and nodded.

"I wasn't strong enough to hold everyone up. When I fell, we all did. It was my fault. You all depended on me, and I let you down. I started drinking and slipping to the side. The others felt betrayed by my parents, too. The only people they trusted turned out to be liars. After that, we slowly became what you saw when you came to town, Bella. It all got worse when Jasper's grandmother died. He took charge and made sure that no one could touch us. He thought he was helping us, but then it became more about us just doing what he wanted."

I started to say something, but he stopped me. "Don't blame Jasper. He was hurting just like the rest of us. We were as much to blame as he was because we didn't rein him in. We let him become the person you met. If you had known him before all of this, you wouldn't even recognize him. All of us were different after everything happened. We only cared about ourselves. No one else mattered."

Edward's face was marked by pain and regret. He stood up and stepped away from us. He couldn't even look at us anymore.

I had never known that guilt ruled so much of his life. "Edward, you weren't responsible for all of that. You were only a kid when it all happened. It wasn't your job to take care of everyone."

My brother's anger at his friend evaporated. "Why didn't you tell me this was how you felt? We never expected you to have all the answers or to take care of us. I thought we were taking care of each other."

A bitter laugh escaped Edward's lips. "I know that. Sometimes, I can grasp onto that answer and actually believe that it's true. But most of time, I feel like I do now. So, can you blame me for wanting you and Rose to be happy? I thought maybe if you found your way back to each other it would lessen some of what I feel. That's why I was working to get us all back together. I want us to be happy again."

I could understand. He blamed everything that happened on himself and hoped to find some way to turn it around. Emmett and Rose were probably just the beginning. Edward was trying to fix the mistakes of his past. This was what he had been talking about that morning after breakfast with his parents.

"Can you two forgive me for lying?" he asked.

Emmett jumped in immediately. "I forgive you."

For me, it took a second. The two people I thought I could trust lied to me, but even with the lies and the subterfuge, I couldn't not forgive him. It was obvious Edward was wracked with guilt. And who was I to judge? Did I not make my fair share of mistakes? I couldn't agree with his actions, but I knew his motives were good.

I crossed the room and gave him a hug. "I forgive you, but we can't have any more lies."

Edward rested his head on top of mine and held me tightly. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"It's okay. I'm sorry, too." I pulled back slightly and looked up at him. "Where do we go from here?"

Edward brushed a lock of my hair behind my left ear. "You could tell us what happened today. Your story is the only one missing."

They had spilled their secrets. It was now my turn. I sat down on the loveseat next to Edward and started my story. I began with seeing Jasper at the diner and ended with the events of this afternoon.

When I finished, my brother was the first one to talk. "Can I kick his ass now?"

I shook my head. "No. Jasper isn't important. I don't care how he feels or what he does."

Edward glanced over at my brother and frowned. "Bella, we kind of have something else we need to tell you."

"No, we don't," Emmett insisted.

"Yeah, we do. It's about how Jasper got hurt."

They would go back and forth with this for hours if I didn't stop them. "Just tell me. How much worse could this night get?"

It could get worse.

"We were at Alice's after we won state. It was the first time we were all together after you left," Emmett started. "I don't know what made us think it would work. It just happened. We had all been drinking and things got out of control."

Drinking. Their group. Angry boys. Not good.

Emmett rushed through the last part. "Jasper was pissed because you weren't coming back. He said some shit, and we got in a fight. He ended up falling down some stairs. It was my fault he got hurt."

I closed my eyes and tried to stay calm. I needed words. Good, solid, hateful words that would make me not care. _I don't want you here._

While I was letting the evil sentence carve a deep notch into my heart, Edward continued the story. "He was in the hospital for a few weeks. Overall, he was pretty lucky, except for his shoulder. It took a few operations to get it right again."

"How is he now?" I asked.

"Fine. Dad did a phenomenal job. Jasper can't play anymore, but with the damage that was done, he was lucky he could still use his arm at all."

I didn't want to think about how it would have affected him. He loved playing, even if he hated the attention it brought him.

Emmett explained more of the repercussions of the accident. "He lost his chance to play in college, and he was stuck going to rehab for months. It was why Rose turned against me. I've been trying for years to get her to forgive me. When she finally did, I couldn't not talk to her. I love her, Bella."

How had I not known he was trying so hard to get her back for so long? I knew we never discussed the others, but I should have seen this. Had I been so lost in my own crap that I failed to see the problems surrounding me? I felt like I was waking up to a world that was completely unfamiliar to me. From not really knowing my brother as well as I thought I did to Edward's guilt, everything was different than I thought it was. I had to start paying more attention. This was just unacceptable. They deserved better.

I couldn't ignore that I also deserved better. They had to stop keeping things from me. Treating me like a kid wasn't going to work. For so long, I sat back and let it happen. No longer would I do that. I had to grow up.

"Why didn't ya'll tell me any of this stuff about Jasper? You both made it out like you had no clue why he stopped playing."

"We thought you would just go running back to him," Edward answered. "He's not good for you, Bella, and you know it. With them back in town, you need to remember that and be smarter this time."

My brother had to add in his two cents. "We're not going to dictate who you can spend your time with. You're a big girl and can make your own decisions. All I'll say is you need to be careful around Jasper. He isn't someone you can trust. The person he shows you isn't the person he is."

I knew this. It was knowledge I kept hidden deep inside where I could pretend it wasn't there, but lying to myself only went so far. Jasper was someone who was completely torn up inside. I could only imagine all the things that were eating away at him and causing him to be so conflicted. I also knew I couldn't fix these things. I could only stand back and hope he made the steps needed to help himself.

The problem was when I was around him I forgot all this. My mind went into a fog where all I saw was the good. It wasn't hard to do. When Jasper was good, he was so very good, and when we were alone, he was always attentive and sweet. It was as if all the bad faded away and his true self appeared. I loved that part of him so much.

_No. No. No. Dammit. Stop thinking about him._

Edward and Emmett were right. I needed to be smarter. Hell, we all needed to be smarter. Here I thought we were always honest and upfront with each other, when in fact we were all liars. "We can't do this stuff anymore. Lying and hiding things. It's not who we are."

Emmett spoke up. "I should have told you about Rose. I was just so happy, and I didn't want to mess things up with her."

I couldn't be mad at him or Edward. We were all going to do things we shouldn't. Mistakes were a part of growing up, which was something we all needed to do. I was tired of this brain of mine jumping between shit all the time. I wanted to always have the right answers. I wanted to always do the right thing first, but it wasn't going to happen. I just had to do the best I could with what I had.

"What do you two think we should do about them?" I asked.

My brother was the first to answer. "I know you won't like this, but Rose makes me happy. I don't want to be without her. The other two are kind of part of the deal because she loves them."

Unbelievable. This was not happening.

"We all care about them," Edward added. "If you think about it, both sides are pretty even. We all screwed up."

Yeah. This was definitely happening. It was in that moment I realized the twilight zone was a house in Sterling, Texas. It resided on Sycamore Street and was three doors down from hell. The faint chill in the air was from the magical icicles forming along the eaves of the hell house. The state had been stricken with a freak ice storm, which did happen in the more northern regions, but it never happened in August.

* * * * * *

Sunday. A day of rest. I was not resting. I was laying on the weight bench with my legs spread wide and my feet firmly planted on the floor. It provided me additional balance as I pushed up on the bar I held tightly in my hands. Laurent stood above me and counted out the number of times I raised the bar high.

Bench presses were evil. Not as evil as lunges, but they ranked pretty high up there in the new list of things I hated. I loved the way they made my breasts look firmer and larger but was unsure if it was worth the effort. Well, I was unsure until I decided this morning that drawing Laurent's attention to my anatomy was my number one goal in life.

He was my willing accomplice in trying to drive Jasper from my mind and heart. The plan was flawed, but I kept at it like a little soldier. I thought of it as dating in a way. Normal people did that, right? They didn't just focus on one person and then overlook the rest of the population of the world.

Laurent knew what my motives were, and I understood his. I was all about forgetting blond bastards, and he was all about taking advantage of the situation. Neither one of us were going into this blindly or with any hidden agendas. It was all out in the open.

It helped that I really liked him. He was always making me laugh and exposing me to new things. I felt like I could grow stronger with him around. We would never be anything serious, but we didn't have to be. He said it himself when he called us friends first. There was nothing wrong with us just having fun together.

He took the bar away from me and settled it onto the supports. "You did good."

I sat up slowly and swung my right leg over the bench before standing up. "Thank you."

After doing my stretches and finishing up with a nice shower, I moved to the kitchen to begin making breakfast while he took his shower. He never did much during our sessions. Most of his work was done with the team. I was grateful for that. Seeing him in serious workout mode would push all the right and wrong buttons.

I finished making breakfast at just the right time. Laurent had no more than sat down when I set his plate in front of him. I came around the bar and sat next to him. As I was eating, I deliberately began brushing my knee against his leg as I swiveled back and forth on the barstool. He hated that.

A warm hand grabbed my thigh. "Stop doing that," Laurent growled.

The combination of him touching me and his wonderful wolf's voice made my blood pump a little faster. It was all I could do not to grab his hand and move it just a bit higher.

_Bad Bella. _

"What am I doing?" I asked with false innocence.

He tightened his grip slightly, and I had to force back a groan.

"You know what you're doing."

An angel's smile lit my face. "I'm sorry, but I have trouble keeping still."

Laurent regarded me carefully before grinning like a sinner. He curled his hand further in on my thigh and moved it slightly higher. The movement made me gasp. That was cheating.

"Having trouble catching your breath?" he taunted.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. Two could play at this game. I placed my hand on his and guided it even further up my leg.

His eyes held a deadly promise. "Be careful what you ask for, Bella."

"I never ask for anything I don't want," I purred.

He removed his hand and stepped lightly down from his barstool. Before I could even voice a protest, he lifted me up and over his shoulder holding me steady with a firm grip on my ass.

"What the hell are you doing?" I laughed.

Laurent ignored the question and strode into the bedroom. He kicked the door closed behind him before dropping me onto the large bed. I scurried away closer to the headboard trying to escape, but he grabbed my legs and pulled me back down.

I wanted to escape again, but he was too fast. He laid down over the top of me and pinned my flailing arms over my head with one hand. With his heavy body pressing me into the bed, I had zero chance to get away from him.

He moved his free hand under my shirt and caressed the skin along my ribs. "Now what was it you were asking for? I think we should make that clear."

I didn't answer, and he continued to stroke my skin with added pressure. I rolled my head back and arched against him. Him touching me felt so damned good. With my encouragement, he let his hand roam even higher until he was cupping my breast. I closed my eyes and groaned.

"Tell me what you want, Bella."

My stubbornness must have been my strongest feature because I refused to ask for anything. Laurent leaned down and kissed along the hollow of my throat. When he sucked lightly on the skin and grazed it with his teeth, I wanted to scream.

"Tell me," he begged.

Too late. The games were interrupted by a knock on the front door. It was like a bad rerun for me. I had a man's hands all over me, and someone had to interrupt before we could get to the good part.

_Fucking hell, indeed._

Laurent got out of bed and stomped across the room. "I'm going to kill whoever is on the other side of that door," he growled.

I giggled as I got out of bed and followed him.

Laurent greeted our visitor rudely. "What do you want, Edward?"

I should have known it would be him. Every time things were getting interesting in my life, he interrupted. Any minute now the rerun would go on a commercial break for beer. Speaking of beer, why was my friend holding a case of it?

"I'm sorry," Edward answered. "We ran out of room in the fridge. Can I stick this in yours?"

"Why do you have beer? We don't keep any in the house," I reminded him.

He walked in and made his way to the kitchen. "It's for this afternoon. Didn't Emmett tell you? We invited _them_ over."

The sound of the door slamming made me jump. Laurent was not happy when I informed him of what had happened the previous day. Judging from the noise, he was still pissed. The version I had given him was slightly edited, but he hated it all the same. He much preferred Jasper staying away from me. I agreed and told him I was going to keep my distance, which helped him calm down. Oddly enough, he could date other people, but if I saw his cousin, it was not okay. Had it not been for my anger at Jasper, I would have been bothered by the double standard.

"When are they going to be here?" I asked.

Edward looked at his watch. "In about two hours. Em is going to barbecue again. He was hoping you would cook the rest."

Strong arms wrapped around my chest. I leaned my head back and smiled up at Laurent. He didn't smile back. He was too busy trying to kill our friend with his eyes. "Bella's not cooking anything."

The combination of the words and our body language caused Edward to pause. Worry flickered in his eyes for a second before being replaced with a neutral expression. It brought back his statement about Laurent's temper and the real reason for his interest in me.

My problem with it was Emmett's faith in my new friend. He trusted Laurent, and if he thought for a second there was cause for concern, he would tell me. I finally decided I would just have to watch things carefully and decide for myself. In the end, it was my opinion that mattered.

"You don't have to cook. I can order some stuff from Webster's," Edward offered.

After he left, Laurent stepped back from me. I turned to find him studying me with an angry expression on his face. "I don't want Jasper around you."

I tried to reassure him. "He's mad at me anyway. Besides, it's over between us and has been for a long time."

"Does he know we're together?"

Uhm. We weren't together. I thought that was the whole point. We could have fun, but it wasn't anything other than that.

"We haven't really established togetherness, have we?" I asked cautiously.

Laurent looked me over carefully. It made me think of some kind of inspection. From the tips of my toes to the top of my head, his eyes wandered casually over me. I didn't understand what he was doing, but I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. When he spoke, the unpleasant feeling spread.

"This whole time I thought that I would be the nice guy by trying not to push you. I thought it would just scare you away. I was hoping that you would come around, but I think part of your problem is that I haven't really gotten my feelings across."

I stepped back from him, and he dropped my hand. "No worries," I insisted as I continued my escape. "You got your feelings across."

"No. I don't think I did."

Each word narrowed the space between us. A wall stopped my progress making him smile. "You need to decide _who_ you want because like I told you before I've lost all patience. I won't wait much longer to take what I want."

Laurent dropped my hand and left without saying another word. All I could do was stand there and wonder what the hell just happened. I couldn't figure out from one minute to the next if he was running hot or cold. What I did know was I didn't like this change in him. Having Jasper around made Laurent different, and I didn't like this new person near so much. And it finally made me start giving greater consideration to Edward's words.

When Laurent looked at me, who did he see? Was I simply Bella? Or was I Jasper's Bella?

-

-

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Xodazzlez89oX. Thank you so much for the PM and for being so alert.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 8 - Friendly Conflict

I was sitting outside on the picnic table trying my best to appear unaffected by the people twenty feet from me. Jasper, asshole. Rosalie, Barracuda Bear. Alice, two-faced pixie bitch.

If someone had told me a week ago that this would be happening, I would have laughed at them, but I wasn't laughing now. I was too busy going over them with a fine-toothed comb. Their appearances were almost as startling as the fact that they were in my backyard making nice with Edward and Emmett.

Rosalie looked tired. She was still beautiful, but there was a look of fatigue to her that had never been there when I knew her. It was as if she had seen and done too much and was exhausted and ready for a long break. It gave her a frailty that I would have never expected from her.

Alice was just the opposite. She was too excited and too happy. There was a fidgety quality to her movements that made me think she had to fight doubly hard to stay still. It was almost more worrisome than Rosalie. Alice made me think of a bright light on the verge of burning out.

Jasper was different as well. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but something about him didn't fit. Appearance wise, he looked a few years older, and time had been very kind to him. If possible, he was more handsome now than when I knew him before, but I still felt like something was off.

Later, I would realize it was his eyes. Where before I could usually read some kind of emotion in them, they were now blank. He revealed nothing of what he felt unless he wanted you to see it. He had tight control over every expression that crossed his face and every word that came out of his mouth. It made me feel like I wasn't seeing him at all but an actor playing a part. It made me uneasy.

They had arrived thirty minutes ago. Fake greetings and smiles were spread all around. At least, mine were fake. Everyone else's seemed genuine. Alice latched onto Emmett like a koala on a tree. It would have been cute if I liked the girl. Rosalie just rolled her eyes at her silly friend and hugged Edward who seemed very happy to see his friends.

Awkwardness made its first of many appearances when Jasper walked up. He was not welcomed with nearly so much enthusiasm. If it weren't for a slamming door and the memory of cold words, I would have felt bad for him. I watched quietly as he shook hands with his two former friends. He didn't even so much as look at me, which was a surprise.

After saying a brief greeting to them, I stood separate from everyone. My arms were folded across my chest, and I wasn't bothering to join in their conversations. Eventually, I ended up on the picnic table observing them. I was glad to not be a part of their group. Let them dance around and be merry. I was too busy replaying all of the stuff about Jasper that pissed me off.

The list was long. Lauren Mallory. The countless girls who followed. His hateful words. The boy from the cafeteria. My brother's scholarships. Slamming doors. His face. His voice. His smell. The way he stared at me. And Lauren Mallory. I still wanted to kill that bitch.

Their little gathering was going well. The guys relaxed after a few minutes and were now laughing as everybody took turns remembering different stories. I listened with a curious ear. They had more good times than I expected. In fact, most of their stories were hilarious.

Alice trying to surf at First Beach. Not good. Rosalie's first time camping. Poor girl. A drunken Edward almost peeing on an electric fence. Dumbass. Emmett dressing up as Elvis on a dare. Uh huh. Jasper streaking at junior prom. Exhibitionist.

No one even noticed when I went inside to get a bottle of water. I prolonged my absence by taking a detour up to my bathroom to wash my face. It was August for goodness sakes. Why the hell were we staying outside? It was hot, and sweat was pouring off of me.

When I finally returned to the backyard, the guys were gone, but the girls were both sitting in lawn chairs talking with each other. Rosalie smiled at me in a rare show of friendliness, and Alice looked away from me with a tiny smile on her face.

"The boys went to pick up some food," Rosalie explained. "They should be back any minute."

I nodded my understanding. Talking to them still sounded like too much work. Rather than intrude on their girl time, I made my way back to the picnic table and sat down on top of it. I was thankful for my sunglasses. They hid my eyes that were rolling every time the two she-wolves giggled.

It was only when they stood up and messed with the grill that I gave them my full attention. Rosalie lifted the top, and Alice jumped back in fright. "It's too hot."

Her friend sent her a quelling look. "It's not that hot. Don't be so dramatic."

Alice picked up a set of tongs and started poking at something. "This doesn't look good. Is it supposed to look like this?"

Rosalie looked over her shoulder at me and rolled her eyes. Were we having a long distance bonding session over barbecue? Nah. It couldn't be. Then she smiled at me and shook her head before turning back to her job. Okay. I think we were kind of bonding.

"Emmett should have stayed," the smaller girl commented. "I don't think you know what you're doing, Rose. Jasper likes his food a very specific way. If you mess it up, he'll be mad."

Did this girl even know the same person I did? He once commented that it was nice to be drinking milk that wasn't out of date. He wouldn't get mad over food for any reason.

The two of them moved back to their spots. Alice was doing most of the talking, while Rosalie looked increasingly put out with her friend. It was an interesting dynamic between the two of them. Alice would adjust her comments depending on her friend's expressions. Eventually, she just stopped talking altogether. It was a nice change.

Rosalie saying my name caught my attention. "Bella, Emmett hardly talks about you. How have you been?"

I looked over at her in shock. I saw no signs that her question wasn't sincere. My hope was that she had changed from the bitchy girl I knew before, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. Me turning blue would clash with my sunburn, and I already enough problems.

"I've been doing well. I'm looking forward to school on Monday."

She started to say something, but Alice pinched her arm and shook her head. The small girl than made some excuse about powdering her nose before making a hasty exit.

_Great. Rosalie and me by ourselves. Lovely._

Why was my scalp tingling in anticipation of some hair pulling and a bitch fit? Unless she was put on some serious mood stabilizers in the years since I had last seen her, this would likely end in some blood on the ground and a few missing teeth. The girl hated me. Hated me. And I wasn't exactly all warm and fuzzy inside about her.

I watched her with what I knew would be barely disguised leeriness. Had we ever had a pleasant interaction? I couldn't remember one. Once Alice was gone, Rosalie sank back in her chair with a frustrated sigh. For several minutes neither of us spoke. I didn't want a fight, and she looked tired.

"Are you hating this as much as me?" she finally asked.

"Probably. I'm trying to be nice, but I don't like you people," I stated bluntly.

_That was smart. Are you trying to see if the bitch still bites?_

"I don't think you were ever given a reason to like us. I was a bitch. Alice was a liar. Edward was a drunk. Emmett was a shitty brother. And then there's Jasper. He should have left you alone."

There was one thing I could always count on with Rosalie and it was the hard truth. She didn't pretend. "I gotta hand it to you, Bella. I thought you would run like a coward when they told you the truth. Why didn't you?"

There was no hesitation when I answered. I knew exactly how I felt. "Because I'm better than you people, and I won't let you scare me away."

"Good answer."

Did she just say that? Wow. She was being nice. "Thank you."

She glanced to the right and saw Alice come out of the house. Before the girl got within earshot, Rosalie said one last thing. "We'll be in your classes tomorrow. Jasper plans on telling you, but I wanted to make sure you knew just in case he didn't get a chance."

I didn't know who this Rosalie was, but I liked her. "Thanks for the warning."

Our conversation ended when Alice sat down. She started talking about music while I went back to being quiet again.

The afternoon got better when a nice breeze started adding some much needed circulation to the hot air. I took my water bottle and pressed it against my forehead before taking several long swallows. This staying outside stuff was stupid. The thought vanished when I heard a familiar squeal. Alice.

She launched herself at Laurent. He had been missing since he left over two hours ago. I was a little unsure how to feel about him now that he had finally shown up. I didn't know if I was being overly dramatic or what, but there was a vaguely threatening tone in his final words to me. Not to mention, I now suspected he was more interested in my connection to his cousin than he was in me.

He broke away from Alice in mid-conversation and walked to where he was standing directly in front of me. The smile on his face reminded me of the flirtatious side of him that I had so much fun with. I reluctantly smiled up at him.

It was tough to decide if he was a good guy or not. It didn't help that my relationship with my father tainted my ability to trust men in general. Jasper only helped that along. I wanted to like Laurent, and I did like him. I just didn't know what the deal was with him.

He bent down close to me and started talking in a voice low enough to where only I could hear it. "I'm sorry about earlier. I was being a jerk. It was just Edward interrupting at a bad time and then finding out about them coming over. It made me mad, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

I could understand what he was saying. Having these people over wasn't exactly high on my happy list, and Edward's tendency to interrupt at the worst times was frustrating as all hell. It made me wonder if there were hidden sensors attached to parts of my anatomy.

Laurent stood back up straight and took my water from me. He downed half of it before handing it back to me. "Strawberry lip balm. It's still my favorite thing."

The comment made me remember how he had flirted with me at that dreaded party years ago. Without even thinking, I answered back. "Have you decided between the mini-skirt or the nun's habit?"

He stepped in between my legs and bent his head down again to whisper in my ear. "We'll try both later and see which works the best."

I got chills down my neck when he did that. He chuckled, which made it worse.

"I don't know about that," I hedged when he pulled away slightly.

A flash of annoyance crossed his features. "Do you have to be wearing such short shorts? And this tank top is just too low in the front."

It was summer. "Do you want me to change into pants and a sweater?"

He shook his head before moving his right hand to the back of my head and unfastening my hair clip. "Your hair is more beautiful when it's down."

My sunglasses were then pushed up to rest on my head. "And now I can see your pretty eyes."

My own flirtatious side caught up to his. I locked my ankles around the back of his knees. "And now I've caught you."

Laurent leaned down and kissed me softly before saying, "You already did."

The moment ended when Emmett grumbled loudly, "Hey, enough of that shit. That's my sister."

I leaned my head on Laurent's shoulder to hide my blushing face. He turned slightly. "Shut up, asshole."

Reality intruded in a big way. I was in our backyard with not so friendly visitors. My brother had returned, which meant it was very likely Jasper had as well. Good. He needed to know that I didn't care.

_Liar._

I peeked around the man in front of me and met Jasper's eyes. They held zero emotion. He could have been looking at a rock as opposed to me. There was a void in him that I would have never anticipated finding. It didn't feel like I was seeing Jasper. I was seeing no one.

Everyone else was in various shades of different emotions. Emmett was happy. He much preferred Laurent to Jasper. Rosalie was stunned. Her mouth was even hanging open. Edward still had a worried expression on his face. Alice was watching us with triumph. It was as if she had just won a long desired prize. I didn't know what to make of that.

"Hey, Bella," Edward called out. "Can you help me with a few things in the kitchen?"

"Sure," I answered. It would give me a reason to escape.

Laurent moved to the side after helping me down. When I went to step away, he pulled me back slightly. "Don't be gone long."

The way he said it was more like a demand than a request. He was obviously affected by Jasper's presence. It was a return to earlier.

I walked into the house and headed toward the kitchen. Edward was sitting at the bar with a deep frown on his face. He didn't need help. He just wanted to tell me something.

I leaned against the cabinet. "What's wrong? I thought you were having a good time. Is it seeing Alice again?"

"I am having a good time, and Alice doesn't matter. We're not like Rose and Emmett."

"So, what is it?" I asked.

He started running his fingers through his hair. Bad sign.

"Stop doing that," I said as I grabbed onto his hands and held them. "You always do it when you're nervous. Then it makes me nervous. Just tell me what's wrong."

His thumb on his right hand grazed over one of mine. "I'm just worried about some stuff. I want this to go right, and it's not looking good."

I glanced out the kitchen window into the backyard. "It's going fine. No fighting. No arguing. Everyone looks happy. Well, Jasper doesn't, but he never does."

Edward squeezed my hands bringing my attention back to him. "Do you really like Laurent that much?"

The subject change threw me for a loop. "He's okay. I never know what to expect from him. It's kind of throwing me a bit here lately."

I had to ask something that had been bugging me. "If you had a problem with him, why didn't you just tell me?"

And the nerves came back. "He's the first guy you've showed any interest in. I thought it would be a passing thing, like a rebound deal. When I saw you with him that night here in the kitchen, I realized I might be wrong."

I was starting to think Edward put far too much thought into my dating life. He really needed to start concentrating more on his own. Playing the protective big brother was sounding more and more like his new favorite hobby.

He offered me further proof of that with his next words. "Just don't let things move too fast. Get to know him before you get too far into this thing with him."

Something about his words struck me as odd. "If there's something else you want to say, just say it."

"It's just that Laurent and Jasper have always been really competitive. I don't want you to be something else they fight over."

"They're cousins, remember? I'm sure they don't fight."

"Their family isn't like ours. They fight all the time. Hell, their dads are brothers, and they hate each other."

He could tell I didn't believe him. "Bella, who do you think gave Laurent the scar across his eyebrow?"

Not possible. "Jasper?"

"No, he didn't do it. Laurent's dad did just a couple of years ago. Like I said, they aren't like us. They fight first and ask questions later."

I stupidly brushed off the revelation. "It doesn't matter. Jasper wouldn't fight over me anyway. So, there isn't a problem."

Edward shook his head. "You really don't get it, do you? He would do anything for you, and he's not the only one."

I moved back to the kitchen door. "No, Edward. You don't get it. Jasper doesn't care about me. He never did."

_- I don't want you here._

When I returned to the backyard, I sidled up next to Laurent who wrapped a possessive arm around my back. With my return, all the attention moved to us thanks to Alice and her nosy questions.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked sweetly.

I fought off the sugar coma and started to answer, but Laurent beat me to it. "Since the first day she got here."

It wasn't at all close to the truth, but I let it slide. The truth wasn't any of their business anyway.

Emmett backed him up. "They're inseparable. They even workout together."

"I bet they do," Alice snickered.

I stiffened slightly, and Laurent tightened his hold on me. "The only bad thing is Bella falls less. I miss catching my girl."

The last two words floated into the air. I looked up at Jasper. His jaw was clinched, and his face was turning red. It made little sense. It wasn't like he cared.

_Yeah, keep lying to yourself. Someday, you might believe the words._

Mercilessly, Alice changed the subject. The weather was the perfect topic. Mundane and obvious. "Is it always so hot here?"

"Always," I answered.

Laurent looked down at my flushed cheeks. "You're too hot. Why don't we go inside for a while?"

I was hot, and I desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. We left everyone and went down to his apartment. I felt a pair of angry eyes watch me the whole way. Jasper really needed to make up his mind. His flip-flopping was worse than mine when I lived in Forks.

I had no more than taken two steps inside the door when I was pulled backwards and pushed against the front door. My head hit the wood hard. I caught my breath and jerked my head up to look at Laurent. "What the hell was that for?"

He stepped closer to me pressing himself against me. "You still love him."

I already admitted that. "Back off of me. Now," I ordered.

He smirked at me. "Make me."

I tried pushing him back, but he wasn't budging. He laughed at my attempts and caught my hands. "You're not doing a very good job."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked. He had never acted this way.

"I don't like the way you look at him."

I sniffed. "Well, I don't like what you're doing right now."

He stepped back. "Better?"

"Much. Don't be doing that shit." I rubbed at the back of my head. It hurt. Stupid asshole.

Soft lips touched my temple. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to hit your head."

I appreciated the apology but was still slightly irritated. "You can look at other girls, but I can't look at Jasper."

"That's about right," he answered with a smile.

I popped him in the chest. "Double standards piss me off."

He just shrugged off my comment and pulled me along to the bedroom, but I wasn't going for it. "I'm just going to go back outside."

Laurent stopped and turned back to me. "I'm sorry. I get jealous and do stupid stuff. I'll be better. I promise."

I gave in like an idiot. When weighing the good against the bad, he was a much better alternative than staying outside. At least in here, I wouldn't be burning up or trying to not look at Jasper.

We stayed downstairs for the better part of the afternoon. Laurent was on his best behavior and returned to the flirtatious, light-hearted man I enjoyed so much. He turned some music on, and we sat in the living room talking about his family's history. It was the first time he willingly discussed himself.

I learned that his father and Jasper's dad had both lived in Forks all their lives. Laurent's dad married a French foreign exchange student, Joceline Morel. It was a scandalous wedding that occurred while the two of them were still in high school. She gave birth to Laurent just two weeks after graduation.

From there, the story turned murky. Laurent mentioned the economic disparity between his family and Jasper's. Apparently, Jasper's father had conned an heiress thinking it would make him rich. It didn't, but it did insure financial security. While Jasper's family had money coming out their ears, Laurent's barely scraped by with menial jobs.

This was the extent of the family history he provided. I sensed a great deal of resentment from him for the wealthier half of the Whitlock's, but he insisted that he wouldn't want their lives for anything.

"What about Rosalie? " I asked.

"Her dad was a cousin of Jasper's mom. They didn't have the same kind of money the rest of the Hale's had, but it was still pretty substantial. Rose's inheritance was set up different from Jasper's. She won't get her money until she turns twenty-five."

And he switched back to the money aspect again. I wanted to know history, not bank statements.

A knock on the front door interrupted our time together. He ignored the sound, and I got up to answer it.

It was Jasper. "Dinner is ready."

His eyes roamed over me. "Quit looking at me like that," I ordered.

"You two have been down here for a long time. It's rude to ignore your guests."

"You're not a guest. You're a pest."

"We all play our parts, Bella. I'm the pest. Laurent is the good guy, and you are the girl who jumps from cousin to cousin. It sounds like you're playing the worst part."

Strong hands settled on my hips and pulled me back. Laurent snaked an arm around my waist. "Bella is good at playing. And we'll be up in a minute."

He then shut the door in his cousin's face. I turned around in his arms and started to say something, but he put his index finger up to his lips. He then dragged me into the living room away from the door.

I noticed he had taken his shirt off. "Was that really necessary?"

"I like messing with him, and it was very necessary."

"Are you trying to make him mad?"

Laurent grinned with satisfaction. "Yeah."

It was annoying, but at the same time, I liked that someone was finally challenging Jasper at his own game. The guy needed to be knocked down a few pegs.

After my buddy put his shirt back on, we moved upstairs to eat dinner. Everyone else was already spread out through the living room eating and laughing. I noticed that Victoria had arrived. She was sitting next to Edward on the floor with her left hand resting on his thigh. It looked like Laurent wasn't the only one trying to stake a claim. Alice appeared to not care in the least.

Emmett and Edward dragged Laurent upstairs when dinner was over. My guess was that they wanted me to actually spend time with their friends and try to come to some kind of understanding with them. Their plan backfired unless their intention was for a quiet war to be declared.

The combatants lined up in an unpredictable fashion. It was Alice alone against Victoria and me. It started when I was in the kitchen with Victoria cleaning up. I knew this was going to not be a friendly exchange.

Alice looped one of her arms through mine and let out a trilling laugh. "Two weeks."

Rosalie took up position on her friend's other side but stayed quiet. I shared a look with Victoria who shrugged. She didn't have a clue what the girl was talking about any more than I did.

"Are you talking about your most recent cycle of antibiotics? I thought they cut that down to a single pill or a week of doxycycline, " I guessed.

Jasper fought back a grin. "Chlamydia, Bella. What would you know about that?"

_Only what I learn from the internet and pamphlets at the doctor's office. Unlike you._

Alice laughed off my insult. "You'll be lucky if you get away from Laurent without needing a quiet trip to an undisclosed clinic. Try not to let the protesters scare you off."

_Protesters. Clinics. Bitch._

This was laughable coming from a girl who probably slept around enough in the last three years to fill a circus. That was my assumption, anyway. It was mostly motivated by a hatred of all things Alice.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll drive you to the clinic," she offered. "Protesters don't scare me."

"I would think anything that could be used as a wooden stake would scare you, Alice."

She ignored my jab and jumped in with her own opinion. "Can Laurent even afford to be a dad?"

I was about to open my mouth to defend him, but Victoria beat me to it. "You really have no clue. Do you?"

The three of them turned their attention to the newcomer. Jasper obviously found her lacking. "No one cares what you think."

I really didn't want to have to staple my lips this early in the evening. One, it hurt. Two, I had already had a bad enough day. Three, the smell of blood made me faint. Knowing all that, I opted to open my big mouth. Jasper wasn't going to talk down to my friend, not for a second.

"I care. She's my friend and people like her and your cousin are worth ten of you spoiled, whiny bastards. They've had to fight for everything they have. And you stand there with your trust fund attitudes and make judgments about a life you know nothing about."

Jasper interrupted. "That's enough, Bella."

Now he speaks up. It would have taken too much effort to defend me but insult them and the gloves came off.

Victoria stepped up furiously. "Fuck you, Jasper. You people can talk all the shit you want about Bella, but a little truth is too much for you. That's bullshit, and you know it."

Alice tapped her finger on her chin appraising the red head to my left. "No, honey. Bullshit is that smell coming from your boots."

The two girls squared off. My friend wasn't the least bit intimidated. "Damn, Fern Gully. You're gonna make me cry."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Looking like Lucille Ball gives you enough reason to cry. I shouldn't add to that. It isn't nice."

Rosalie grabbed onto Alice's arm. "You need to stop."

Her friend ignored her and had one last comment. "A black and white world does explain her outfit."

"I said stop." Rosalie jerked on her friend's arm and glared at her.

I was surprised by her actions. The earlier signs of friendliness from her had disappeared when she saw me with Laurent. It left me feeling slightly disappointed. I wanted to get along with her. She was important to my brother, and we would have to find some middle ground. As for Alice, she would gladly skewer me if given the chance. I wasn't about to fall for her sweet act this time around. The girl was not nice.

Jasper stepped up and grabbed my hands holding them together. "Let's settle down. No more insults. We're not children."

A combination of his touch and proximity to me made my brain go into a fog. Our four companions seemed to fade into the background as I stared up at him. We were alone, and the only ones who knew it. It was just like the past. We could carve out space of our own in the universe and escape to a place where only we existed. I missed those times.

"If speaking the truth were insulting, that would mean you've never insulted anyone," I said with false sweetness.

"And if being an angel meant keeping your mouth shut, your wings would fall off."

I smiled. Only he would insult me with something sweet. "That was weak."

He grinned. "I was trying to make you smile."

My response was heartfelt. "It beats when you make me cry."

Jasper ducked his head. "I didn't mean what I said to you."

"Which time?"

"Every time I hurt you."

The fog needed to lift. It was tempting me to care for him again. I pulled my hands away from his trying to break some of the connection. It didn't work. All the lies in my head were wearing off as I allowed myself to just feel. I had been stupid to think that I could ever rid my heart of him. It was impossible. Jasper would always live inside of me. It was the only absolute truth I had.

"You hurt me a lot," I reminded him.

"I hurt everyone. I'm trying to be better, but you're making it real damn hard." He flinched when he said the next words. "Why Laurent? I know you don't love him."

"It's not what it looks like."

Hope flared bright in his eyes. "Really."

I couldn't lie to him. "We're kind of together but not the way you think. It's complicated."

Jasper didn't like the answer. "Your _kind of _is everyone else's together. Hell, we were never technically together, but we always were."

I couldn't argue with that. It was more truth than I had allowed myself to hear in years.

He spoke again. "I didn't come here to cause problems. I just wanted to see if . . . we could all be like we used to be. That's all I wanted."

"It's been almost three years, Jasper. Nothing is the same as what it was."

He moved his hands up to either side of my face. "Some things never change, Bella. Like you. You're still that girl. The one who will drive me mad for the rest of my life. You saying my name and how I feel about you. All of it is the same. I still feel everything the way I did when you left. It never goes away. So, don't tell me that nothing is the same."

I tried to turn my head away from him, but he wouldn't let me. "Don't look away from me, Bella. Look at me. See me. You are the only who ever has."

I shook my head and avoided his eyes. "Why are you doing this? You show up out of the blue, and you start saying this stuff you know I don't want to hear."

"Because I have to. I waited too damn long to come for you, and you ended up with him. What choice do I have but to put it out there? The longer I wait the further you'll drift away."

"What did you expect? It's been three years."

"Honestly, I expected to you to be alone. Instead, I find Laurent in my place, with my friends, holding your hand, and living my life."

Jasper needed to hear this even if it hurt. "It's not your life, not anymore. We're over."

"If I believed that, I wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't be looking at me the way you are."

The sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs brought us back to the kitchen. I blinked rapidly taking in my surroundings. Rose had moved to the living room along with Victoria, and Alice was standing by the front door messing with her cell phone. The footsteps announced the return of Emmett, Laurent, and Edward.

I looked over at Jasper who was now leaning against the counter with a blank expression hiding his emotions. I could only hope that my attempts to hide my own feelings were half so successful. It was unnatural how he could disguise himself so well, but right now, I was glad for it.

For the rest of the evening, I spent my time huddled up next to Laurent. Being near him made my head work better. I could lie about my feelings and let some of my anger at Jasper return.

_I don't want you here. _

If I just remembered that one line, I would be okay. I could keep my thoughts centered and my world in balance. Losing him once had wrecked me. If we tried again and failed, I didn't think there would be anything left of me.

-

-

**Author's Note: Thank you to PreferBrunettes for starting a thread for this story over on Twilighted. The link will be posted on my profile page. I'll drop in with excerpts and to answer questions and comments if anyone has any. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 9 - First Day

After everyone left last night, I laid on my bed and allowed myself time to let everything settle in. The Jasper thing was so central in my head, and I knew his reappearance in my life was causing me to react on an emotional level rather than putting much thought behind my actions. Once I considered my own rather erratic response to the various events, I had to acknowledge that I was not handling the last few days very well. I made a promise to myself that today would be a better day.

I was the first person to arrive in my earliest class. A few minutes went by as slowly more students began to arrive. For me it was a waiting game. I didn't know when the others would show up, but thanks to Rosalie, I knew they would. When someone took up the seat next to me, I turned and found Jasper. Alice, who sat to my left, and Rose, who I noticed had sat behind me, followed his arrival.

Not one word was shared between any of us throughout our first class. I spent most of the time thinking about what the purpose of this was. Jasper had said he was keeping Alice and Rosalie away from me, yet here they were. The only thing I could come up with was that he meant on an individual basis. They wouldn't approach me on their own. If he was with them, he could mostly control the situation. It was the only thing that made sense to me.

When class was over, the three of them flanked me on the way out, and we all walked to an empty corner of the building.

Alice smiled warmly and made the first attempt at conversation. "We're going to have so much fun this year."

When we first met, I would have believed her. She still had that same positive energy flowing through her, but I now saw it as a sort of smoke screen for the real her. She might be good right now, but her other seven personalities were not. It was like being greeted by Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs if they were crazy and all wrapped up in one person. Her drastic change in mood from the previous evening was evidence of that. What could have caused the change? My guess was Jasper. He was keeping her on a leash today.

I forced a smile. "Hi, Alice."

Rosalie stayed silent. The most I saw from her was a brief show of regret in her eyes, but she quickly hid it under a mask of tired indifference.

Jasper was anything but indifferent. He was leaning against the wall watching me with anticipation, which I didn't comprehend. What was he waiting for?

"I can't wait until we're all friends again," Alice chirped out happily.

"Yeah, good luck with that," I said with forced optimism. "After that happens, you'll grow those extra six inches you've been praying for."

Jasper grinned at me. "There's my girl."

This was different from last night. He didn't defend Alice. I could see her trying to adjust her tactics. Damn. Where had my brain been all this time? I wouldn't have thought like this a week ago with a book guiding me on the way. What was different that I was doing this now?

Rosalie's eyes gleamed with amusement. It was such a change from Forks. Three years ago, she would have given anything to be able to shut my mouth, but Jasper wouldn't let her. Had she shown even an interest in coming after me now, he would likely shut her down again. Surprisingly, Rosalie hadn't shown one single sign of the girl I used to know. I almost liked her.

Alice pouted at her friends. They weren't playing along, and it lessened her fun.

I rolled my eyes. This shit was stupid. "Can ya'll just tell me what you want?"

The tiny girl danced over to me. "She's gone native. Did you hear the ya'll?"

I picked it up from Aro. He said it all the time, but I wasn't going to explain that part to them. It was none of their business.

"As fun as this has been, I'm going to go to my next class," I told them before walking off.

At the time, I didn't know we would be seeing each other again so soon. My second class was a replay of the first.

"How much did you have to pay to have someone look up my schedule?" I asked Jasper when we all again moved to another empty corner.

Alice answered for him while Rosalie remained quiet. "Silly duck. They gave us the information for free."

Her chipperness was wearing on my last nerve. "I don't know what kind of meds you're on these days, but you might want to dial it back a bit."

She pouted. "I'm just being friendly."

"No. You're being fake. There's a huge difference."

Jasper spoke up, "How about giving Bella and me a minute alone?"

"How about no?" I answered for them before walking off again.

This time he caught my arm and stopped me. "Five minutes. That's all I'm asking for."

He could have five years, and it wouldn't change how I felt. My defenses were well in place after last night. My lies about my feelings for him had settled nicely around my heart. At least, I liked telling myself that. The truth was that having him around made all my hard work disappear. I didn't even know why I wasted energy trying to lie to myself. It never worked.

My failure to agree was ignored. Alice and Rosalie slipped off, and Jasper alone remained by my side.

Surprisingly enough, he got right to the point. "You know what I did to Emmett and Edward after you left. Fine. But did they tell you what Emmett did?"

"Is this about the fight? I tried to talk to you about this the other day, remember?"

"So, you know your brother tried to kick my ass for messing with you. I had to have surgery on my arm after he was through with me. Emmett was nice enough to wait until our season was over, but come the middle of December, I was fair game. Can you really blame me for what I did?"

"You fell down a flight of stairs. It was an accident."

Jasper corrected my assumption. "I fell after he pushed me."

"He wouldn't have done that."

"When it comes to you, there isn't much he won't do. Why do you think him and Rose split up? She saw him do it. Edward and Emmett forgiving me is all about guilt, and if that weren't true, they wouldn't let me anywhere near you."

Honestly, I didn't think it was enough reason to explain their sudden change in heart. "That's not all it is."

"You're right. Emmett wants Rose back, and Edward knows that not liking it doesn't mean shit because I'll still be here."

I stopped walking and turned to look at him. "You make no sense. If Emmett caused you to get hurt, why would you bother trying to be friends with him again?"

"Because it gets me closer to you."

This may have been one of the only times I could look back on and say with absolute sincerity that he was telling the truth. It was so rare a national holiday should be declared.

I ignored his answer. "What is this? Are you here for revenge? If what you say is the truth, I would say that both sides are pretty even, and you guys will never be friends."

Jasper switched to the jerk. "For a smart girl, you say the dumbest shit. I'm here for you, and as for Emmett, we are not even close to even. Out of everyone, I lost the most. The way I have it figured someone owes me. And I'll be here until _you_ make good on that."

Wrong. He was trying to work on my guilt, and I couldn't let that happen.

"I don't owe you anything, Jasper. I never did."

"What if I offer to leave and take Alice with me? Will that buy me some time?"

He was negotiating. Already? After a second of thought, I realized it was smart because time was all he needed. I wasn't stupid. I knew if I was around him for very long I would get drawn back in. "I don't care what you people do. Just stay out of our way."

I started to walk away again, but his next words stopped me. "What do you think Emmett would do if I started hounding you? He has a lot more to lose now if he lets his temper get the best of him."

Was he really going from negotiating to blackmail?

Jasper kept pushing. "What about Edward? He seems to be doing really well. Do you think it would hold up if Alice starts using her influence?"

When I failed to respond, he moved on to Laurent. "Who do you think got my cousin his job? I can take it away just as easily as I had them offer it to him."

He was really going to do this. I couldn't believe it. I turned back to where I was looking at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? Have you really changed this much? You were never like this before."

"I was always like this before. You just didn't know it."

"Hearing you say that doesn't make me want to see you. Are you even listening to what you're saying?"

"I've spent two years trying to become better, and I have changed. But if you don't give me a chance to prove it, it doesn't matter. Am I being an asshole? Yes, but if it's the only thing that works, I'll do it."

This was ridiculous. "Let me get this straight. You want to show me you've changed by blackmailing me into seeing you, right?"

"Whatever works," he answered with a smile.

His smile was going to be the death of me. Behind it, I could see the person I loved. I didn't want to see him, and I didn't need to find out if he was better. The last five minutes had proved that he couldn't be.

"No deal," I said before walking off.

My next class was two buildings over. I used the time I had to sit down and assess the situation. Minutes ticked by as I tried to rationalize his behavior. It soon became apparent that I had no answers. I knew too little of what was going on, and I also knew there was more than he let on. With Jasper, there always was.

Maybe that was the piece I was missing. He was depending on my curiosity to provide him with the in that he sought. If I just ignored him, would he go away? Okay, that was a stupid question. Jasper moved half way across the country to harass me. He would never go away until he got what he wanted.

The last class was easy to find. To show I had learned from my previous mistakes, I let the class fill up before sitting down between two people I didn't know. What did it say about my life that strangers were preferred over old friends? I think it said that I was pretty well screwed. And I was. Jasper, Alice, and Rose took up seats directly in front of me.

This shit was starting to border on stalking, and the worst part was I couldn't really do anything about it. Sure, I could change my schedule, but they would as well. Dropping out of school was another option, but I'll be damned if I was quitting because of them. Running wasn't an option either. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if that was what Jasper was going for.

_Split the sheep from the herd. Then attack at leisure._

Time frittered away on me while I let my thoughts wander unsuccessfully. The class was released, and I again found myself in Jasper's company. His entourage left us to go do whatever it was that bitchy former prom queens did. I had no clue and quite frankly didn't care.

"I haven't told you that you're looking damn fine, Bella," Jasper complimented me.

I grinned like a demon. "Thank you. Laurent keeps me in fine form."

_Stop throwing his cousin at him. You are not that girl._

"You know he's only using you, right? If you didn't belong to me, he wouldn't want you."

_Belong to me. _"You used to be so good at saying all the right things. Now, you talk about me like I'm property."

Jasper snickered. "If you were property, my life would be a hell of a lot easier. I could fence you off and shoot any trespassers."

He would, too.

I stopped walking and looked up at him. "If Laurent really was my boyfriend, would you leave?"

His blue eyes turned cold. "You're smarter than your questions, Bella. One, he'll never be your boyfriend because you won't let him get that far. Two, if he were, I'd just figure out some way to get rid of him."

The answer confirmed my fears and my secret desires. Jasper wasn't going anywhere.

* * * * * *

After leaving the jackass behind, I drove to the bookstore. It was a much-needed escape from blond nightmares and my house. I didn't want to see Laurent. The truth was starting to take up residence in my head. I wanted Jasper. I always did, and I always would, even when I knew it was wrong. I knew I couldn't have him, but I also couldn't string Laurent along. Using him was stupid and immature, and I wouldn't do it anymore. I was better than that.

I let work take over my head. It was a nice break from my life. I liked work. It was uncomplicated and lacked drama. Unfortunately, it didn't lack irritating people. To help with the additional business we would have through the school year, Aro hired another person a week ago. It was too bad the person he hired was an annoying guy with a cackling laugh and a forgetful nature. Alec was a senior in college, but you wouldn't know it by talking to him. It wasn't the intelligence factor that was a problem. It was his tendency to forget the simplest things.

I had lost count of the number of times I had to show him how to use the search program for the store's inventory. He couldn't remember how to properly put his time in for the day. Putting up books was a nightmare. How long did it take to remember that the fiction section was at the front of the store? Even if you couldn't remember, how could you miss it? It was right in front of the register and was the second biggest section in the store. All of it together made me wonder how he even had the ability to recall where his classes were.

A quick glance at the clock on the wall told me that I still had twenty minutes until the shop closed. We only had three customers left, and I really hoped they would leave on time.

A tap on my shoulder got my attention, and I turned around finding Alec, the new clerk, smiling at me. "I'm having trouble with the search function on the computer again."

I wanted to scream in frustration. This guy had to be doing this on purpose. No one needed to be shown how to do something six times. It was not possible to be that bad at recalling simple information.

It wasn't just the memory issues that were getting on my nerves. Everything he did or said made me want to growl, from the way his short brown hair was spiked up in all directions to the way he always tried to help me reach for something when he was just a couple of inches taller than I was. All of it was annoying.

"Sure. I'd be glad to help you," I said with a false smile.

Victoria used her hand to hide a smile before ducking down behind a row. Suspicious noises resembling choked laughter were now coming from that section. She was just glad he wasn't bothering her for a change.

I walked with him up to the front counter. Aro winked at me as he passed by us on his way to the backroom. It was the clue I needed to confirm what was really going on. He was getting Alec to bother me on purpose.

I went through the steps again . It was a simple search that could show him whether we had a book on hand or not. His hang up was the pushing of the final key, which initiated the search. How hard was it to remember F3? I didn't think it should be hard at all.

"Thank you," Alec said gratefully. "You're so patient with me."

_No, not patient. Tolerant. I like money, and this job gives me that with little to no hassle. Plus, I get game days and Sundays off._

"You're welcome," I lied as I turned to check a customer out.

Alec leaned against the counter and tried to look relaxed as he watched me work. The other two customers had left while I was explaining to him how to complete the search. My guess was that the lady I was checking out now would be the last customer of the day.

After ringing her up and wishing her a good afternoon, I returned to my book cart and started putting up the last of the new merchandise. Alec followed me and began helping me with the last of my work.

"It's too bad we don't have any classes together." he whined.

_I would rather be fed to sharks._

I looked over and gave him a half-hearted smile.

He bent down to put a book on the bottom shelf, and my leg actually twitched from my need to kick him.

"We might always bump into each other on campus," he chirped.

The only bumping into him I wanted to do would involve nudging him into the path of an oncoming train.

I moved down the row and tried to ignore him. He followed me and switched to a different subject. "Do you need a study buddy?"

_Can someone get this monkey a banana so he will shut the hell up? _

"I have one."

His face fell, and his shoulders slumped. I actually felt bad for a second. Was I being too hard on the guy? He was just trying to be nice. I knew it wasn't that he liked me so much as he liked everyone. Every person who came in the store was greeted with the same puppy like enthusiasm.

"Would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow?" he asked.

No, I wasn't being too hard on him. He was definitely annoying. "I already have plans for lunch on Tuesday," I lied.

Victoria finally got her amusement under control and sauntered up. I sent her a withering look, and she stuck her tongue out at me. The one good thing out of this was that Alec moved on to a different part of the store. He liked to limit his harassment to one person at a time. Two would overload his circuitry.

"That boy is like a rash," she whispered.

_Alec and rashes. Nice image. Thanks, Vic. _"Compare him to something mildly pleasant. A rash is just gross."

She slid a book onto the counter and ran a manicured nail along the spine. "I think you like the attention he gives you."

_Now, that's just stupid. _"Why the hell would I? And are you forgetting he's the same way with you?"

"You don't tell him you have a boyfriend. If you did, he would lose interest."

I moved further down the row. "I don't have a boyfriend."

Victoria shook her head and continued with her work. "Yes, you do. I don't know why you two bother dancing around each other."

I needed to put a stop to her assumptions. "Laurent is not technically my boyfriend."

She turned towards me and put her hands on her hips. "I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about Jasper."

"I'm not with him, either."

Her ever-present wallet chains danced lightly around her hips, clinking together as she followed behind me. The sound was grating. "You are such a liar. I saw you two together in the kitchen last night. You've never looked at Laurent the way you look at Jasper."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay. Let's try this game. Alice is a two-faced little liar who plays games behind people's backs and never lets you see her true face. Rosalie is actually a good girl who is stuck babysitting a shitty friend, and Jasper is a reformed bad boy trying to win back the girl of his dreams."

She failed miserably. "You only got Alice right."

"No, sweetie. I pegged all three of them the moment I walked in the room."

Victoria was starting to piss me off as much as Alec. "Can we talk about something else?"

The bell on the entrance doors rang, shaking me out of my thoughts. Victoria and I exchanged amused looks as we saw Alec practically trip over himself as he rushed to the front to offer his assistance. He was like a rabid chihuahua when it came to helping people. My bet was on a female. I was sure some poor coed was going to have grounds for a restraining order any minute now.

We walked out into the main aisle and made our way to the front of the store. Our day was coming to an end, and it was time to start counting down the register.

My ears heard a voice I didn't want to hear. I looked up and saw my nightmare from earlier come back.

_Jasper._

I walked to the register with steel weights around my legs. Victoria stood at my side watching me. I ignored her and started to count down the register. It wasn't like Jasper was here to actually purchase something.

A few minutes later, Alec waved to us as he left, but I didn't even glance at him. My attention was firmly on getting the money correct and finishing my job. I had just finished when Jasper walked up to the register and laid a book down on the counter.

My hands were steady when I picked up the book and peeled off the back label. I then put the book in a sack and handed it to him without saying a word.

"How much do I owe you, ma'am?" his honey voice asked.

Damn, I loved the sound of his voice. I had to fight to keep a chill in my tone. "Nothing. Take your book and leave."

Victoria gasped. "Bella?"

Jasper slid a hundred dollar bill towards me. I looked up at him and met amused eyes. Without saying a word, I took the money, folded it, and slid it into the donation box to the left of the register.

The jerk was pleased by my actions, and it pissed me off.

He again slid money to me, and I repeated my actions. That earned me a half smile. Another hundred earned me his best. Jasper's face split into a grin that threatened to melt my heart. I should just give up already. This was hopeless.

"You know I can do this all night," he reminded me. "Do you really want it to last that long?"

"Nothing with you ever lasts long. Why should this?"

Victoria grabbed my arm and pulled me backwards. "I'm sorry. Bella is just tired from a long day. Go ahead and take the book. You can come back tomorrow and pay for it."

_Good thinking. I don't work tomorrow._

Jasper put his money away and smiled at me again. "I'd love to come back tomorrow."

"How the hell did you ever leave him?" Victoria asked from beside me after he left.

The question I was asking myself was how the hell did I ever end up with him in the first place. We were so different from each other. What was I thinking? And why was I starting to feel those familiar stirrings inside just from the thought of seeing him again?

It was all too easy to answer. I would never be over him. A hundred years could pass, and I would still want him and need him.

I wanted to smack myself. I had to stop thinking about him. It would only lead to trouble. I moved over to one of the fiction sections that looked off. I tried to move one of the books back in place, and it wasn't budging.

Victoria slapped me on the back. "I like him."

Terrific. "What the hell is wrong with you? Last night, you were snapping at him, and today, you're the president of his fan club."

"Babe, if you don't give him another chance, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. And just a word of advice, take anything you hear about him with a grain of salt. Let him tell you the story of who he is now."

I pulled hard on the book that was stuck, and it didn't move. Stupid book. "I don't want to know his story, and I don't want to have anything to do with him."

She laughed. "That's too damn bad because from what I've seen, no one who can bring you to life like that guy can. Now, let that thought rattle in your brain."

The thought pissed me off. I grabbed the book that was giving me hell and jerked on it as hard as I could. The whole shelf fell.

"Shit," I howled as my arm got caught between the falling books.

Victoria laughed at me. "I guess he makes you unlucky, too."

It wasn't funny at all. Jasper was proof positive that I was unlucky. A lucky girl would have found a nice guy and fell for him. I wasn't lucky at all. This was Jasper's fault. He strolled into my life and everything was falling down around me. All I did was stand around waiting for the next crash.

* * * * * *

I arrived home to an empty house. The first day of school brought with it a change to everyone's schedule. Emmett's time was taken up with classes, practice, and meetings. Edward was always in class, visiting the library, or at the hospital.

The only person who was home was Laurent, and he was downstairs in his apartment. I could easily go and see him, but I knew he would end up here later anyway. We always ate dinner together. Besides, I really didn't know what to say to him or how to act. It wasn't even the Jasper thing right now. It was the Laurent thing. When I arrived home, I felt fine until I saw he was here. Now I felt nervous. Jasper had essentially followed me down to Texas, stalked my classes, and admitted to keeping an eye on me. He didn't make me nervous at all. Even with all the crap he did, there was a level of trust there.

I didn't have that with Laurent. If I switched their positions and Laurent did the same things, I would be weirded out completely. I tried shutting off the Jasper side of things. With no one around and no distractions at hand, I could see so much better. What I saw wasn't good. Laurent was too quick to anger. He wasn't asking me things so much as he was telling me things.

If I were someone else, I would tell me to run a thousand miles in the other direction. I couldn't even say it was about me wanting to forget Jasper that motivated my failure to run away from Laurent. It was about me having become a people pleaser. It was about me sensing something was wrong and trying to make it better. It was about me being a blind, stupid fool.

Right now, it was about me wanting to break things off with him. The thought had run through my head off and on all day. I knew it wasn't going to work out between us. I didn't trust him, and using him to make Jasper mad was just awful. I wasn't that girl, and I couldn't figure out why I thought it was such a brilliant plan in the first place. We were all entitled to our stupid moments, and my share seemed to always come in bunches.

I took two steps out of the kitchen and almost ran right into him.

He didn't come in through the kitchen door or the front door. I didn't know how he had gotten in the house. It left me feeling off balance.

"Where did you come from?" I asked nervously as he walked in from the direction of the laundry room.

Laurent smiled at me and brushed at something on the side of my face. "You had flour on your cheek."

I brushed at my face trying to appear normal. "I was filling up the containers. Is it gone?"

"Yes," he answered before grabbing one of my hands. "Come here, please. I want to show you something."

"Actually, I was just fixing to go somewhere. Maybe later, okay."

The front door opened, and Emmett walked in with Rosalie. This felt better. I could relax now with them here.

My brother nodded at us. "Hey, guys."

"Come on," Laurent said pulling on my hand. "It'll just take a second."

I still didn't want to go, but I needed a few minutes to tell him this wasn't going to work. It wasn't something I would ever do in front of other people, and avoiding it wouldn't make it go away.

He pulled me into the back hallway and opened the door next to the laundry room. I had thought it was a closet, but it wasn't. It opened up to a staircase leading to the basement. I followed him down the stairs into a medium sized room.

The room was mostly empty. A few boxes were on the floor with trophies sticking out of the top. I recognized them as ones that Emmett had in his room in Forks. It never dawned on me that they were missing from his shelves here. I just didn't think about them. Other boxes littered the room, but my attention caught on the door that I knew must lead to Laurent's apartment.

He pointed to three huge stacks of crates. "These were blocking the door. I moved them earlier."

Laurent then pulled out a key and unlocked the door. When he opened it, I saw the room that held his weights.

"Why did you do this now?"

"Emmett's been bugging me to do it, and I don't want you to have to go outside to come see me."

He relocked the door before holding out a key. "This will open this door and my front door."

"I can't take the key," I told him bluntly.

"Why?"

I stepped away from him. I didn't know how to do this. "I don't like keys."

"That's stupid. No one dislikes keys. It's just a piece of metal. This way when you come down in the morning you can unlock the door. It's not a big deal."

"It's not just a piece of metal," I said. "They mean something. People just give them out like they're party favors, but they mean something."

Laurent's face went from confusion to fury in an instant. "This is about him again, isn't it?"

It was, and it wasn't. "It is partly."

"I knew it."

"You don't understand. I can't help how I feel about him. I don't want it to be like this. It just is."

Laurent grabbed my right hand and pressed the key into my palm before folding my fingers into a fist. "Then take the damn key. Give us a chance."

"I don't want it."

He dropped my hand and stepped back from me. "I'm tired of everyone always thinking of him first. I've been patient. I've been good. When are you going to see me?"

"I do, and right now, I don't like what I see."

My comments made him angrier. "What the hell is wrong with you that you can't move on?" he shouted.

"Me? You're the one who jumps from dating around to giving me a key. I may be confused about shit but even I don't jump around that much."

"Jumping around? Try looking at it from my point of view. You can't decide if you want to fuck me or run away from me. If you want to play some stupid game, go find Jasper. He might put up with that shit, but I won't."

I took a nervous step back, and he glared at me. "I've never hurt a woman in my life, and I'm not starting with you. You hitting your head was an accident, and I apologized."

"Really? Aren't you Mr. Take What I Want? Exactly, what do you plan on taking?"

"We all say stupid shit, Bella, but that doesn't mean we mean it. I said that because I was pissed off and being an asshole. You pull men in and push them away because you're naïve and asking for fuckin' trouble. I'd say we're both wrong."

I dropped the key on the floor. "And we're both done."

-

-

**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and review. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the characters. **

**The next update will be on Saturday.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Last Love Found**  
Chapter 10 - Home

The next three days crept along at a slow pace. The two groups were quickly meshing into one. It was all happening so easily, and I just didn't get it. What was wrong with these people that they let all the issues between them just evaporate?

I knew Edward was motivated by his love for his friends, but him looking over the past just didn't seem right. He told me it was about making everyone happy, but I for one wasn't feeling too happy at all. His attentions were now split between everyone, and I already missed my confidant. I knew it was selfish of me to feel that way. He wanted this, and I was trying to stuff the bad feelings deep inside and hide behind a smile. If this was important to him, it was important to me.

Emmett was easier to figure out. He was trying to make Rosalie happy, and it was working. Everyday, she seemed to shine brighter as did he. They were ecstatic to be back together. I also couldn't help but see what an effort Rosalie was making to get along with me. She smiled at me warmly each time we crossed paths and always had a kind word for me. It was hard to not return the smile, even when I didn't feel it. I was happy they were so happy, but a part of me felt the same as I did about Edward. I missed my brother.

I tried avoiding Laurent as best I could, which was easy with him avoiding me, too. Everyone was asking questions, but I didn't offer any answers. It was our business, and other people could just get over it. I answered to myself, not them.

Them. Those people. The others. The ones who were slowly starting to make me like them. Jasper always had a seductive smile for me that was sending my heart into a flutter. I wanted to cut the damned thing out, but surviving something like that would prove difficult. I didn't want to die. I wanted to kill.

More specifically, I wanted to kill short girls who danced merrily around spreading laughter and smiles. Alice was mostly avoiding me. There were a few backhanded compliments sent my way, but other than that, she left me alone. The thing that irked the most was how she was with Emmett. He got a completely different girl than the rest of us. He would ruffle her hair and tease her. She would laugh and joke with him turning into the sweetest girl. I hated watching him treat Alice like he did me, and I was more upset about that than anything.

Today, most everyone was over at Jasper's watching movies. Victoria was out of town, and Laurent was at the school. The people who were here were spread around the living room eating popcorn and enjoying the film.

The groups were split up odd. Emmett was sitting with Alice and listening to her whisper something into his ear. Rosalie was lounging on the sofa with Edward's head resting in her lap. It was a real wake up call for me. This was why they forgave so easily. These people weren't friends. They were family, and I had let myself forget that.

I couldn't overlook Jasper who wasn't part of the picture. He was off by himself staring out the front window. At no time did I see him really participate in anything. From what I knew of the past these people shared, Jasper was the one who dictated pretty much everything. Now, it was Edward making group plans and getting everyone together. It was a return to the early days they shared. Even with that happening, Jasper was still the person they came to first. He simply showed a lack of interest in contributing.

It was funny how his actions mirrored mine. I was in a far corner of the room with a book. Though it might appear otherwise, I was actually no longer trying to isolate myself completely from everyone. It was just not possible. Instead, I kept a distance but still hung on the fringes of the group. I communicated with all of them, but I wasn't jumping right into the middle of things. It worked for me.

I returned my attention to my book and tried to block out the sounds of the movie. It was not a favorite of mine.

My alone time only lasted for about ten minutes before I was joined by Jasper. He sat down in the chair next to me and started tapping his finger on the arm of the leather chair. I tried to ignore the sound, but he only did it louder.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

My book was taken from my hands and set on the table. "Hey. I was reading that."

"No, you weren't. You've been on that page for five minutes, and I remember how fast you read."

He was right. I was distracted before he even joined me. "What do you want?" I asked.

He smiled and lowered his head. "Don't ask me that question."

_Good point._

I reached over and took my book back. When I did, his eyes caught on my bracelet. "You don't wear jewelry."

I did now. I liked my bracelet. It used to belong to my mom, and it had the added benefit of being wide enough to cover up the nasty bruise I got from the shelf falling on my arm at work. Listening to Emmett and Edward make fun of my clumsiness wasn't something I wanted to deal with. It wasn't even clumsiness that brought this on. It was just bad luck and my brain not realizing the shelf was off.

I corrected Jasper's comment. "I do, too. I wear earrings."

His eyes narrowed. "You don't wear anything else. So, why have you been wearing that for the last three days? Two days I can understand. Three days is a problem."

"Because I like it."

"Why do you bother lying to me? You know it doesn't work."

I wasn't lying. I did like it. I just didn't acknowledge the last part. "I do like it, and I'm covering up a bruise. A shelf fell on me at the store."

No response. He simply stood up and walked out of the room. I followed him. "What are you doing?"

"Going out for tea."

"You're lying."

"So are you."

Jasper walked out of the house and into the garage. I had to jog just to keep up with his fast pace. "I'm not lying. What are you doing?"

He stopped abruptly. "You stop seeing Laurent and then you end up with a bruised arm. Fuck that. I'm gonna go kick his ass."

"No. It wasn't like that. He didn't do anything. I really did hurt it at work. You can ask my boss. We can go there now."

The sharpness left his eyes as he considered this offer. For the last three days, he had asked me to spend time with him. Offering him the chance to do that now would be very tempting to him.

I knew he would agree but not without his own condition. "I want an hour with just you and me."

"Fine."

Jasper led me to his car. I got in after he opened my door for me. As I waited for him, my foot tapped nervously on the floorboard. I knew I shouldn't be where I was. It was not a smart move.

He got into the driver's seat, and we left the safe haven that was his friends. When we pulled up to a stoplight, Jasper reached into the center console and pulled out a cigarette. I watched in stunned disbelief as he flicked the silver lighter he pulled out of his shirt pocket and inhaled deeply. He exhaled through his nose, and I watched as the smoke swirled around us.

"You smoke now."

"There are a lot of things I do now."

The answer was delivered so plainly I knew it was truth. There were a lot of things he did, and I probably didn't want to know what they were.

It wasn't that I had a problem with smokers. To each their own was my motto. The problem was that he had always told me it was one thing he would never do. His father was a smoker, and he hated his father.

I changed the subject because the other was just too depressing. "Where are we going? The bookstore is the other way."

The question made him smile. He took another long drag on his cigarette before rolling down the window and flicking it away. He exhaled slowly. "To my house."

"Do you have a second house in every town?"

"No. Only in the towns I live in. It's a rule I have."

"Why?"

"Why do you always ask questions you already know the answer to?"

Well, he had me there. One house was for everyone else. The other was for him. He needed a place to escape and be alone. Besides, he had the money. Why wouldn't he spend it?

Jasper reached over and turned the stereo off. "Why did you stop driving to those little hick towns? That kind of messed up my plans."

_I got distracted by your cousin. _"I got busy with work."

"You sure make it easy for someone to keep tabs on you."

"What were your plans?"

The corner of his mouth turned up into the hint of a fresh smile. "I was gonna kidnap you."

I laughed. "Funny."

"I wasn't trying to make you laugh."

I didn't know if he was just messing with me or not. With him, there was no telling. We were quiet for the rest of our trip to wherever it was he was taking me. I didn't ask, and Jasper didn't offer. It was like old times. I was going along blindly, only this time I knew how wrong it was.

He eventually turned off onto a private road, and we drove up through the winding road until we reached a brick house that sat on the side of a tall hill. After unlocking the front door, he guided me into a large room with huge windows that enabled me to see for miles. It was a beautiful scene. I should have expected no less considering what I now knew about his family.

After escorting me inside, Jasper left me alone for a few minutes. It gave me time to take in the space. There were high ceilings, a huge fireplace, and the honey colored hardwood floors. I could see his grandmother in the quilt that was draped over the sofa and the furniture that was chosen for comfort rather than style. My guess was that she was also responsible for the large woolly rugs dotted around the room with no rhyme or reason.

Large bookcases covered one section of the room. Most of the books were about the Civil War. It reminded me of the first time I heard about Jasper. Alice said it was a subject he was interested in, but I couldn't recall a single time when he ever brought it up or when I saw him read a book about it. He had tons of them. I would have thought it would come up at least once in the down time we had in Forks, but it didn't.

After looking over the rest of the room, I moved to where I could look out the back windows and take in the view. It was so unlike the woods from Washington. Here it was oak trees interspersed with some mesquite.

"It's not like home, is it?" he asked from behind me.

I had to disagree. It felt just like home. Texas felt good to me in ways that Washington never did. "It's not like Forks," I answered vaguely.

He caught my meaning. "I can't believe you think of this place as home."

"I like it here. The people are friendly. It doesn't rain everyday. My family is here. What's not to love?"

Jasper moved to where he was standing behind me. "You don't have to convince me. I've always liked it here. And my family is here, too."

"Yeah, I saw them an hour ago."

He stepped closer to me. "I wasn't talking about them. I was talking about you."

I moved away from him and sat down on one of the chairs in the living room. "Don't say things like that to me."

"For someone who likes the truth, you sure hate hearing it."

My eyes met his. "And you always know what to say, even when you don't mean it."

"Touche."

"Your hour is almost up," I reminded him.

That made him smile, but it was the cold smile that I had become accustomed to seeing. It matched the look in his eyes. "You didn't really believe I'd let you go after an hour, did you?"

"That's not funny."

"I'm still not trying to make you laugh."

"Stop saying that."

Jasper shrugged and moved further into the room before sitting down in the chair across from me. "Why did break up with him?"

_Because I love you._ "We just didn't work out. It wasn't a big deal, and we were never really together."

My cell phone rang. Emmett. "Bells, where did you two go?"

We hadn't said anything to anyone when we left the house. "We're out driving around."

Jasper grinned at my lie.

I told my brother that we would be home in a couple of hours and then hung up.

"Do you ever tell the truth anymore?" my companion asked.

"I only seem to lie when it comes to you."

"Or Laurent."

"I'm getting tired of you not believing me. You need to just drop it."

My request was pointless. Jasper always did what he wanted. Other people's wishes rarely meant anything to him, unless he had changed dramatically from when I last knew him. Was he any different?

Now was as good a time as any to find out. "Hypothetically speaking, would you leave town if I asked you to?"

The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. "Not unless you promised to come with me."

He meant it, too. The question I chose wasn't the best for getting any sort of answer. "If I asked you to stop smoking, would you?"

There were very few times I ever saw him confused. This was one of them. "Yes. It's not that big a deal. Hell, I don't even like it."

But he still did it. "What about your drinking? Would you cut down?"

Jasper was now watching me very carefully. "I don't drink much anymore."

Good. "If I told you I didn't want you to talk to me anymore, what would you do?"

"Buy you ear plugs so you wouldn't have to hear me."

The answer was a compromise and not what I expected. It was even better than the one about the cigarettes.

I stood up and started pacing the room while he watched me. "Your hair is too long. Would you cut it?"

My questions were throwing him off completely, but he continued to play along. "No."

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. Some things he shouldn't agree to. "Your shoes. Why do you wear Converse?"

"My dad hates them."

The answer told me more than probably anything he had ever said. I sat down on the floor in front of him and stared up into his eyes. "Are you who you want to be? Or are you the person your dad turned you into?"

If anyone else had asked him that question, it would likely have turned into a fight. Talking about his father was not a subject to be taken lightly. I knew this without him telling me so. It had always been the case.

Jasper's posture stiffened with tension and barely contained anger, but he kept his cool. "Changing shoes won't change who I am."

"I know that."

He moved to where he was sitting next to me on the floor. My hands sought his out immediately. It was like a reflex. My body knew what I wanted, even if my heart and my brain couldn't decide to just take it.

"How much change is too much? You might not like me so much if I change everything."

This point was critical. I also knew he would understand it. "I've never really wanted you to change, Jasper. I just want you to be who you really are."

"And who am I?" he asked softly.

"I can't tell you that. I can just say that you'll never have what you want, until you know for sure who you are."

"Does that apply to you, too?"

"Yes."

He thought he had me cornered with his next words. "Then how come you don't have what you want?"

_Because I am just as lost as you._

"I'm just waiting for the other person to get their head together. When he does that, we'll both have everything."

Jasper leaned in close to me. "You don't know who you are either. If you did, it would be a lot easier for me to get my head together because you wouldn't change your mind about me so much. You make it real damn hard for a man to think straight."

"And you make it real damn hard to decide between love and hate."

He moved even closer to me. "How do you feel right now?"

My thoughts were starting to come undone. I needed to focus. "Do you want the broad definition or just the word?"

His right hand caressed my face. "The word."

It wasn't what he was hoping for, but it was the best I could give him right now. The other would have to wait. It was simply too soon. "I feel hopeful."

Disappointment was obvious. Jasper moved back from me and glared. "That's not what I wanted to hear."

"It's the best I can give you right now."

Those words only made it worse. He stood up and walked away from me. His tone was angry when he finally spoke. "It's not the best you _can_ give me. It's just the best you _will_ give me."

I got to my feet and put my hands on my hips. "Have you ever thought for a second that maybe you ask for too much too soon?"

When he didn't speak, I continued. "You always want everything, Jasper. Why can't you just be happy with what you get?"

"_I _ask for everything," he shouted. "You are so full of shit, Bella. You're asking for the same things as me, but you don't offer them in return. You've always held me at a distance and used excuses for why you do it."

I started to speak, but he shouted at me again. "This is my turn. I get to talk."

"Then you better make good use of your time while I give it to you."

His eyes sparkled from the challenge. "I'm not the only one who needs work, sweetheart. You're so damned confused half the time because you're afraid to let yourself feel anything. Here's a newsflash for you. People will hurt you. It sucks, but that's life. You not feeling anything doesn't protect you. It keeps you from ever living. I may be a fucked up piece of shit, but you're a dead girl. And you don't even know it."

Jasper walked over to me and grabbed my hand turning it palm side up. "This pulse doesn't mean anything."

He brushed my hair from my face and tapped his index finger on my temple. "This brain of yours is so beautiful even when you only let half of it work. Your thoughts don't matter if they aren't accompanied by emotion. What good is friendship, if it's only intellectual? What good is a relationship, if it's only words? Real people feel real things. You don't let yourself feel much of anything, and then when you do, you put it off on someone else."

I wanted to yell and scream that he was wrong, but the words wouldn't come.

"Normal people don't turn off emotions like light switches, Bella. I've seen you shut off everything you feel because you think it will keep you safe. You're just a breakdown away from turning into the same person I was when you first met me. At least, I've tried to change. You don't even realize you need to."

The man standing in front of me was evil. That was the only explanation I could come up with. Everything in my life was good and pure again before he rode in on his dark horse and began stalking my world. Everyday he cut at pieces of me and left me as less than what he found me. At no time did he build me up. At no time did he add to me.

His hands moved to my shoulders and massaged them. "You still have the same problem you had before."

_I have a problem. Seriously._

"You still don't get it. Fine. You're pissed off and hate me, right?"

Jasper knew the answer. There was no need for me to say it.

"You're not angry with me. You're angry with yourself because you can't help that you still care about me. And you hate yourself because you know I'm right about everything I just said."

"You're wrong,"

_No. He's not._

"You feel all these things, and you blame them on the wrong person. It's all you, Bella." He grasped my chin and forced me to look at him. "Everything is you. It always has been. You just like to put it on other people because it makes you feel better."

He was telling me the same things that Laurent had but taking it to a much deeper level. It was that depth that pissed me off. Jasper showed up out of nowhere and started picking away at all the progress I thought I had made. I felt like a failure.

"Take me home," I demanded.

"It won't matter where I take you. The truth is still the same."

I pushed him away from me. "And what's that?"

Jasper pulled me close and held me tightly. "When we're together, we are home."

Beautiful words. Ugly person saying them. I hated him. He was everything that was wrong with my world. Before he showed up, I had been happy and secure. Now, I was miserable. I couldn't think clearly and hated not knowing how I felt.

When I finally let his words settle in my head, I knew he was right. I did put my emotions off on other people, and even when I thought I was alive, I was still only half there. When was the last time I let my control slip? When was the last time I didn't hold back? Only with him or because of him had I ever done that. It was why I hated being around him but loved it all the same. Jasper made me feel too much, and I didn't want to feel anything.

I shut myself off again and waited for him to let me go. It wouldn't take much. He always gave up. We both did.

Sure enough, he let me go. We left the house and drove back in complete silence. I knew if I did talk I would tell him how right he was about me. I would tell him that I missed him and needed him. I would give in, and I was too scared to do that. It was simple. Being dead was easy, and living only worked if I was with him.

* * * * * *

Later that night, I was up in my room reading a book when I heard a noise outside. It sounded like someone hit one of our cars with something. I moved over to the window and saw two people, but it was so dark I couldn't make them out. I rushed downstairs and found Edward standing at the front window watching them.

"What's going on?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"Jasper and Laurent are having a talk."

_Oh no. Not this. _

I started to run to the door, but Edward caught my arm. "Trust me. You want to stay out of it, Bella. You'll just make it worse."

He walked me back with him to the window. "Look at this, and see why I warn you about things."

Jasper had Laurent pushed up against his car with his arm twisted behind him at an angle that was just not natural.

"He's gonna break his arm," I cried.

"No, he won't," Edward answered neutrally. "It's just not going to feel good for a couple of days."

"Well, what the hell were you standing here for? "Go stop him."

"It's not my problem."

I tried jerking away from him. "We can't just let him do that."

"You're not thinking, Bella. What exactly am I supposed to do anyway? If I break it up, Jasper will just get mad."

Mad? Could he not see what was happening? "He's already mad."

"No, he's not. He's just not happy."

What the hell was wrong with these people? None of them were normal. I had thought Edward might be, but this just showed he was not.

Then he had to start using his brain. "What I want to know is why Jasper is going after him but doing it when he knows Emmett won't see. That tells me that he either doesn't want Emmett breaking it up or that the reason he is doing this will make your brother mad. I think it's the second one. So, what did Laurent do wrong that would piss off Emmett, and why is Jasper going easy on him?"

Those green eyes that were usually too sharp for their own good met mine. Why was this turning into such a big deal? "He didn't do anything. Jasper just thinks he might have."

"Fine. Keep your secrets. If you don't want to talk, you don't have to."

His eyes moved down to my arm. "And just because I ask a question doesn't mean I don't already know the answer. You thinking it's not a big deal is your opinion. Jasper disagrees."

"You know what? I am so tired of no one listening to me. A shelf fell on my arm, and now Jasper is hurting someone for no reason. Go stop him."

It was too late. He let go of his cousin who sank to the ground holding his arm. The pain he felt mattered little. Jasper just walked off back home like nothing happened.

Edward was slow to comment. "I told you to watch what you were doing. They fight first and ask questions later. When are you going to start listening? If you mess with people like them, you end up with something you might not like."

He let go of me and moved for the front door. "I'll go check on him. You should probably stay here."

I did but only because I had another destination in mind. After the two of them left for what I could only assume was a doctor, I made my way down to Jasper's house. I had expected him to be inside by now, but he was sitting at the front door smoking a cigarette.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You can't just do that to people," I shouted.

"There's a lot wrong with me, and I can do whatever I want."

"This is why I can't make up my mind about you. Who are you, Jasper? Are you the good guy or the bad guy? If you're good, that's great. That's perfect. That's what I need. If you're the bad guy, I can't be with you."

He stubbed out his cigarette and rose to his feet. "Lie to yourself, but don't lie to me. If I was all good, you wouldn't be interested."

"That's not true."

"Then why are you ignoring that weasel kid at the bookstore? He's nice. He's interested. Go out with him. We can even place bets on it. I say you won't last five minutes."

I wanted to scream. I hated when he was right about me. Asshole. I brought us back to what brought me here. "You shouldn't have done that to Laurent. I told you he didn't do anything, and you didn't listen."

"What the hell was I supposed to do? The bookstore was closed by the time we got there, and I couldn't talk to your boss. You live in the same house as my cousin, and fuck all if I'm gonna let him think he can touch you."

Would he never understand? "You should have believed me. You should have let it go because it was what I wanted. And you can't dictate who gets to touch me."

"Girls don't tell the truth about crap like that. How was I supposed to know you didn't lie to me? I wasn't willing to take the chance, and I don't care if it pisses you off."

"You can't just hurt people based on an assumption."

"When it comes to you, I'll do whatever the hell I need to do. With his temper and the history our family has, I'd rather make a wrong assumption than have you get hurt."

Something wasn't lining up here. "Why did you wait then? You didn't do say anything until you saw my arm."

Jasper closed his eyes and groaned. "I hate when you pull this shit on me."

"What did _I_ do?"

He ignored the question. After waiting several seconds, I turned around and started walking home. "Fine. Don't answer," I threw over my shoulder.

I stopped when I felt one of his hands on my shoulder. "I know you're mad at me, but I'm not gonna apologize for what I did."

I didn't say anything. I was still waiting for an answer.

"Look. My cousin and I are a lot alike. We used to talk about how different we wanted to be from our dads, and we always promised to be better. When I saw you two together, I was pissed off, but I never thought he would hurt you. He knows what it does to people, and hell, he's smart enough to figure out what would happen if he did."

I had so many questions, and I wanted the answers right now. Jasper knew it, too. "Not tonight. Let me just hold you for a minute."

One of his arms wrapped around my chest, and I relaxed up against him. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there silent as my thoughts swirled with bad possibilities. I knew there had to be more to what messed him up other than his dad pressuring him and his mom leaving. Why would she have even left like that if things weren't really bad?

Jasper's voice invaded my thoughts. "Don't think about it. Think about our cabin. Think about standing on our dock just like this. It's still there, Bella. It's all just sitting there waiting for us to come back."

Was he trying to torture me? It just wasn't fair. I had to focus. I had to remember why he was wrong for me. My brother's scholarships. Cruel words. Emotional blackmail. Wanting too much too soon. Losing myself.

_Quiet moments. Waking up with him in the morning. His smile. The way he made me laugh. _

"I've missed you so bad, Bella. Your voice. Your smell. The sound of you breathing."

How was I supposed to fight against this? All the bad parts of him faded in my mind.

Jasper made it worse. "We already lost three years. Come back to me."

He made it sound so easy. Stop fighting. Take what I wanted. It wasn't bad if we both wanted it. It wasn't bad if we both needed it. I closed my eyes. All it would take was a word. A single word would put us back where we were.

I let the rest of the world float away. One of Jasper's thumbs grazing against my skin was a sweet promise. His arms around me were so strong and sure. We could be so good together, and this was the best I had felt in years. His world was an oasis I would never want to leave. Jasper was paradise.

With the good, always came the bad. I could feel the waters rising around me. The fire started to burn my skin. All of the air in my lungs became his. He consumed my world and enveloped me into his with such ease. Paradise came with a price. If I let my defenses down, I would give over everything to him. A person wasn't supposed to do that. They were supposed to be complete in and of themselves. We weren't.

I stepped out of his arms and returned to my world. I couldn't even look at him. "I have to go home."

_You are home._

**-**

**-**

**Author's Note: I gotta dedicate this chapter to my friend, The Only Pancake. She puts up with all my flip-flopping and plotting angst. Without her, Bella would be ankle deep in a relationship with a large, beast of a man people would no doubt hate.  
**

**I hope you all liked the chapter. The next one will be posted on Wednesday. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 11 - Devil's Grin

Each day the two groups grew closer together. They were pretty much one by now. I was still floating along the fringes, but it was hard and getting harder. I liked these people. I really did. Even Victoria had started to let them in. Her and Rosalie got along like the best of friends. She had also established a friendship with Jasper and was firmly on the side of us working things out. Hearing her sing his praises made my eyes twitch and my hands want to slap her.

The temptation was even worse right now as I listened to her and Rosalie both talking him up. We were sitting in a bar waiting for the guys to show up. Country music was blasting across the crowded room, and every few minutes, an overly friendly stranger would strut over and offer to buy me a drink. I couldn't wait for the guys to finally show up. I was feeling like fresh meat at a butcher's shop.

They were supposed to meet us here but were running late. Emmett had called Rosalie not long ago to let her know they were finally on their way. All of them had spent the day at some ranch. My brother wanted to see real cowboy life, and Jasper obliged. I had my suspicions about who the ranch belonged to, but no one was offering confirmation.

In honor of the occasion, Alice played personal shopper. The three participants were dressed head to toe in her idea of appropriate western apparel. I was the lone hold out. And man was I glad. Wow. She really went all out with the shirts, buckles, crisp jeans, cowboy hats, and shiny boots. They didn't look bad. They just didn't look like themselves. It was slightly comical to me, and I was having a hard time hiding my amusement.

I actually fit in better by donning a pleated denim skirt that belonged to my mom and some beat up cowboy boots I still had from a country faze a few years prior. Alice practically cried at my outfit. The faded Steve Earle concert t-shirt only made it worse. I wasn't dressed up at all. I was comfortable, just like everyone else at the bar. Though, the skirt was out of the norm for me.

The good thing was that the other girls all seemed to be having a good time. Alice was particularly entranced by one of the bartenders. I predicted a good night for her. Rosalie and Victoria were mostly just talking while they put off their many admirers. I was sitting at the bar drinking a water and wishing I was at home.

Making things worse, an annoying girl with a shrill voice was standing about three feet from me. Every time a man strutted in that fit her description of hot, she shrieked, "Holy Crickets."

What the hell did that even mean? I was about ready to punch the bitch. My ear drums were bleeding from her squawking, and my eyes were twitching from her fluffed up hair that made me think of a parrot with ruffled up feathers.

When Alice's bartender went on break and she joined him in the back room, I turned to the other two girls and asked, "Can we move to another spot?"

They agreed, and we ended up at a table far enough from Bird Bitch that I thought I might just make it through the night.

"Why were they running late?" I asked loudly.

Rosalie leaned over so I could hear her over the music. "Laurent broke a couple of fingers. Don't ask me how. I didn't ask. They were just leaving the hospital, and then we're dropping him off at home before coming here."

Victoria laughed and did some kind of odd two-fingered gesture that had Rose cracking up and turning red. I didn't have a clue what it was about and was too embarrassed to ask. It was becoming a regular thing for me to feel out of the loop with those two.

I didn't mind too much because I was busy wondering just how he broke those fingers. Jasper and Laurent had been circling each other warily ever since that night outside my house last week. It mattered little that Laurent and I had barely spoken since the day of our argument or that Jasper knew his cousin hadn't hurt me. Jasper didn't want him anywhere near me, and he was now pushing that feeling out at every male who came up to me.

If someone approached me, he shut them down immediately. The jealousy thing was just ridiculous and immature. You didn't see me getting all pissed if a girl talked to him. I wasn't like that. I simply gave them a cutting look and sent them scurrying away. It was hardly the same thing. Alright, it was, but I didn't care.

"Can you try to be nice to Jasper tonight?" Rosalie requested. "He's trying so hard, and you just keep turning him down."

Like I was the problem. Well actually, I was. "I'll be nice, if he is."

Victoria chipped in her opinion. "If you aren't careful, he'll find someone else."

The parrot barked again. "Holy Crickets."

"Maybe even her," Rose said trying to goad my temper.

I groaned, and they laughed. The laughter stopped a second later. Victoria set her glass down with a thud. "Da-damn." Her eyes bulged out of their sockets.

Rosalie and I snapped our heads around to look. It was just my brother and Edward. Big deal.

The two girls scrambled out of their chairs and went to fetch their men. Evidently, the whole sweaty, dirty guy thing worked for them. Personally, I thought Edward and Emmett needed a bath. They were covered in dust and dirt and looked exhausted.

After grabbing a couple of beers, they made their way over to our table with Rosalie and Victoria latched onto them like little parasites. The parrot would have to find another victim. These two were taken.

Edward dropped down in the chair next to me and laid his head on the table. A sympathetic Victoria rubbed his back and cooed in his ear. Surprisingly, he was annoyed by it and brushed her away. His rejection sent her stomping off in a huff, and she sat back at the bar. Poor girl.

"Bad day?" I asked him.

He grimaced. "Yes."

I ran my fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes. "Damn, that feels good, Bells."

"I thought you were supposed to have fun today."

"Jasper is an asshole. That's all I got to say."

Emmett slammed his bottle down on the table, and Edward flinched. "Damn straight. That bastard is going to pay. He worked us like dogs all day."

"What did he have you doing?" Rosalie asked.

"Repairing fences, fixing a couple of roofs, inspecting grass, and a bunch of crap I don't want to even think about again. And why the hell would someone need to inspect grass anyway? It's just grass. Big deal."

Edward finished with a complaint of his own. "And then, we were about to leave, and we see Jasper laughing off in a corner with the guy who was ordering us around all day. He set us up to do all this work they usually do over a few weeks."

"Where is he? Did you bury him on the side of the road?" I asked.

"I wish," Emmett growled. "He saw someone out in the parking lot he knew. He'll be in soon."

"Do you want to know the worst part?" Edward asked. "He didn't do a damn thing. He rode a horse and watched us work. That was it."

He sat up and started drinking his beer. "I hate that bastard sometimes."

"Jasper rides horses?" I asked.

Rosalie piped in. "He spends months down here every year, Bella. You'd be surprised at what all he does."

_I already am._

Out of nowhere, Emmett cried out in pain. Alice had returned and was behind him pushing on his shoulders. "You boys look tired."

"We are," they answered at the same time.

"I warned you," she trilled sweetly.

She started massaging Emmett's shoulders and laughed at his groaning. My anger about seeing her with my brother was starting to subside. She made him happy, and I wasn't going to hold a grudge because she did. Besides, I could almost like Alice when I saw her with him. She relaxed into a sweet girl who was friendly and genuinely playful. He brought out the best in her, and it was fun to watch.

While I was observing them, Edward moved closer to me and bent his head next to mine. "I've been wanting to ask you something."

"Ask away," I encouraged as I ruffled his hair some more causing him to smile.

"Do you wanna go do something together tomorrow? Just you and me."

This was different. If we went out, it was always with Emmett. The thought did sound appealing. I was missing the time I spent with Edward.

I would have answered, but I was distracted when the parrot girl squawked again. The noise was just jarring. I hated that girl.

"Can we leave yet? Before I kill her."

Edward said something, but I didn't hear him. I suddenly felt . . . odd. It was like a change in pressure hit the surrounding area. I tried to pop my ears hoping it would relieve the feeling in my head. It didn't work. I tried popping my neck, which didn't help either. I stretched out my legs and wiggled my feet. No matter what I did, nothing felt right.

Victoria plopped down in the chair next to Edward and whistled loudly. _Please, don't let her grow red feathers and start eating crackers in a minute. _

While I was taking stock of this odd feeling and picturing my friend shapeshifting into a bird, Rosalie nudged me and pointed. I followed her finger and about fell out of my chair.

_Holy hell._

My brain stopped working as my heart took over. Jasper was leaned up against the bar looking like sin, sweat, and sex. Smudges of dirt marred his face and his neck. His black shirt was covered in dust. And his jeans. Damn, the way they fell on his hips. The lean into the bar. Sweet Jesus. I had seen him look good, but something about tonight was just different.

He was beautiful and raw. Something about him just sang to me. I had never had such a visceral reaction in my life. The hard thump in my chest was starting to drown out my thoughts of anything beyond the wonder that stood just fifty feet away. The attitude, the body language, that smile.

But more than anything, it was his eyes that were holding sway over my mind and body. There was an intensity to his gaze as he took in the people around him that made me think of a coming storm. I knew from experience he could bring cleansing rain or devastating hail and only when it arrived would you be sure of what you would get.

"Jasper," I said in a husky voice.

It was as if he heard me. Our eyes met, and we were here alone. All I could do was stare at him and enjoy the moment. That inexplicable pull between us still existed in spades, and it felt stronger than ever. Tonight there was a change. The emotions weren't taking precedence. The physical was taking center stage, and I wanted every piece of this man.

Then Bird Bitch ruined everything by sauntering up and touching him. Oh, no. I was not having that shit. I jumped out of my chair and barely registered the sound of it falling over. With a determined stride, I crossed the room and grabbed up my property.

"Baby, it took you long enough to get here," I drawled as I looped one of my fingers under the front of his jeans and pulled him forward.

He raised his eyebrows and mouthed the word _baby_. I shrugged and dragged him to a private corner of the room. "Hi," I said like a lovestruck idiot.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked right off the bat.

I leaned back against the wall and kept my rose colored shades firmly in place as I gazed up at him. Damn, he looked good tonight. "No. Why?"

Jasper stepped closer and rested a hand on my hip. "You're talking to me and smiling."

His thumb ran up and down the exposed skin at my waist. It was making me think too many bad things. "Uhm. I . . . I'm in a good mood. It's the music."

_What song is playing? Something about a lake. Nice plan._

"Is there a lake around here?" I asked.

Woah. There was being nicer to him and then being _nicer_ to him. What the hell was I thinking?

He was following the lyrics of the song and liked where this was heading. "I know of one. It even has a dock where we can lay down and talk."

_This is stupid. Really stupid. _

"I think the others can get home on their own," I theorized.

That Devil's grin was gonna get him laid if I wasn't careful. "I bet they can."

And then we were gone. Jasper nodded at our friends as we left. I glanced back and saw five very shocked faces. They couldn't believe we were leaving, and I couldn't either. I told myself that it was just so we could talk and spend time together. Jasper was my friend, sort of. Talking to him was normal and fine. It was like talking to Edward, if Edward made my heart stop and my body sing, which he didn't.

_This is not smart._

While he was driving to wherever this lake was, I kept thinking about the odd life he had. Ranch work, black Mercedes, life in Washington, life in Texas. I knew nothing about his world but so much about his thoughts and feelings. It was crazy to think that I was so hung up on someone who I only really half knew. It wasn't even my fault. He was the one who kept his past quiet. It was just something he didn't want to discuss.

The lake was dark. There was a lamp near the dock that provided the only light except for the moon. I could see the lights from houses spotted around the perimeter, but there were none around where we were. I held tightly onto Jasper's hand as he led me down a trail and to the dock. I only managed to trip once, which was a surprise.

Once there, I slipped off my boots and sat on the edge so that my feet were resting in the water. "Ahh. This is nice."

I could hear crickets chirping, the sound of the water against the dock, and the occasional splash from out in the distance.

Jasper sat up against a corner post. "It is nice here."

We were quiet for a while. I could feel him watching me, but I wisely kept my eyes on the water and marveled at the moon that was reflected in the gentle waves. It danced in and out playing a game of hide and seek. The game was over when the moon slipped behind thicker clouds. With it gone, the feelings from earlier were returning to me. It was a slow build and was helped along by the way I could sense his eyes on me.

_Stay smart. Think of something else. _

Weather was good. It had been hot today. Lightening was brightening the night off in the distance. It looked like we were due for a thunderstorm in the next couple of hours. I could smell the lake and already imagine the rain. We needed some rain. We weren't getting nearly enough of it.

"Fuck this," Jasper announced. "I'm going swimming."

I jerked my head in his direction. "What? But you'll get all wet."

_Duh. Swimming does that._

He pulled his shoes and socks off before standing up. Then he did the worst thing ever. He took off his shirt, and I think I melted into the dock. Perfect. Beautiful. Not mine.

_Yes, he is._

When his hands moved down to his jeans, I turned my head away in embarrassment. I couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Come on, Bella. Live a little. You might like it."

I heard a splash, and he was gone. I glanced over at his clothes, and the ache started. This was just not fair and so very tempting.

_Water. Think about the water._ In Washington, the lake was too cold. Here, it would be wonderful.

"Come on. You know you want to." Jasper called out.

Oh, there were a lot of things I wanted to do, but I couldn't. This would only end badly.

_Stop it. Think about the lake. _I was still afraid of water after almost drowning when I was ten. I had learned to swim, but it was a fear that still wore on me. With it being nighttime, I didn't think there was any way I could do this.

He must have remembered. "I'll stay with you the whole time. I swear."

"It's dark."

"You know you can trust me," he promised. "I'll take care of you."

When was I ever going to get a chance to go skinny dipping? Shouldn't a person do that once in their life? "You won't splash me or push me under will you?"

"No games. I'll be good."

I beat the palms of my hands against the dock and tried to decide. This was a dumb idea. I hated water, but I hated never doing anything fun. I did trust Jasper. Nothing bad would happen. He just wouldn't let it. I knew that. If I couldn't give in to one thing, I could damn well give in to something else.

"No looking, and move closer to the dock so I can see you."

He swam over and smiled up at me. "You can do this."

I stood up, and he turned to where he couldn't see me. I watched the back of him the whole time I stripped. When I slipped into the water, I gasped at the sweet feeling. It was glorious.

Jasper was by my side immediately and smiled reassuringly. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"We'll get out whenever you want," he promised.

My fears slowly faded as we lazily moved through the water. It felt good to just relax and enjoy the moment. Usually when I went swimming, I had to worry about someone messing with me. He wouldn't do that.

I became more brave with every minute. Eventually, I dipped under the surface and swam a few yards away. When I came up, I pushed my hair back and laughed. This was fun.

"I love it when you laugh."

And I loved that he had encouraged me to do this. It felt so good to let some of my old fears die away. I knew it wouldn't have been the same were it someone else here with me. Jasper did this. He made me feel safe.

I swam back over to him and started to hug him. It was then that I remembered my state of undress. I pushed away. "I'm sorry."

He laughed. "I'm not. Could you do that again?"

I splashed him. "Be a gentleman."

He grabbed one of my hands and pulled me closer. "They don't get what they want."

I went from relaxed to rigid in an instant. It had been three years since he kissed me last, and my nerves were already on edge. "We should go. It's getting late."

_It was late when we got here, dummy._

I moved closer to the dock and peeked back over my shoulder. "Are you going to turn around?"

That damned smile came back. "Not this time."

I should have expected this. He was never going to be all good. It just wasn't in him.

I climbed out of the water and rushed to throw on my clothes. While I pulled on my skirt, I looked down at my wet chest. This was just wonderful. What the hell was I thinking. The only good thing was that my shirt wasn't white.

Jasper pulled himself up onto the dock and dried off with his t-shirt. He didn't even bother putting it back on. He just pulled on his jeans and laid down.

"What are you doing? Aren't we leaving?" I asked.

"I'm not ready to go, and you need to stop being in such a hurry. Relax for a while. Where the hell do you need to be anyway?"

_Wherever you are. _

If I was honest, this was the nicest day I had had in a long time. Hot night, warm water, wet Jasper. Those three ingredients guaranteed a good night. I really did need to stop being such a wet blanket. Couldn't I just be free for one night? I didn't have to keep ruining everything.

My gaze followed along the contours of his face. He looked so relaxed as he laid there on his back with his eyes closed. I then let my eyes wander to the scars on his shoulder. They were awful. I knew that time in his life was a sore subject with him, and I was not going to ruin things by bringing it up.

"What are you thinking?" I asked hoping it would distract me.

"I'm thinking we need a house on this lake. We could go skinny dipping at night and fishing in the morning."

"What about the neighbors? I don't think I want them seeing that."

"Fishing ain't a big deal. Why would they care?"

_Smart ass._

I laid down next to him and stared up at the sky. "Your naked butt is a big deal."

Jasper turned on his side and fake glared at me. "Did you just call me fat? If I was a woman, that would break my heart."

I stroked his chest. "Don't pout Mr. Six Percent Body Fat. It makes you look prissy."

He laughed. "Prissy. That's a new one."

A feeling of contentment washed over me as I listened to the sound of his laughter. I loved it. In the time I had known him, it became one of my favorite sounds. Warm and rich, it always made me feel good. It was a shame I heard it so rarely.

"What?" he asked.

"You make me happy." I hadn't meant to say it. It just slipped out.

"It's not you or me. It's we. We make each other happy," Jasper said softly.

He was right. It was we. Together we were better. Together we were happy. Together we could do anything. But only if I managed to let go and just enjoy my time with him.

I stared back at him and knew that tonight had changed things. The distance I had kept between us was disappearing.

Jasper's eyes dropped down to my lips, and I started feeling the nerves settle in again. Three years.

He moved his right hand under the bottom of my shirt and started rubbing my stomach. I looked down at his hand as he slowly pushed up my shirt. Warmth flooded through me as my body began to remember all the times he touched me.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked breathlessly.

I tried to hold back a groan as he continued moving his hand over my abdomen slowly working higher. "Touching my girl."

He leaned down and started kissing my neck.

"We should leave," I suggested.

"Do you want to leave?" he whispered against my ear.

Less and less by the second. Damn. "Jasper, this isn't smart."

He ignored my words. "I missed you, Bella."

The sound of his voice was almost painful to me. I could hear his need and knew it matched mine. It always did. We would forever be a matched pair. I should just give up. This was hopeless.

I ran my hand up his chest and moved closer to him. "I missed you, too."

I could see the indecision in his eyes. We were both scared of what we wanted, but in the end, it didn't matter. One touch was leading to another one.

My name was a whisper on his lips as he moved his hand to the back of my neck and closed the distance between us. When he pressed his lips to mine, I felt a warm, steady rush of emotion run through me. Only Jasper had ever made me feel this way.

Kissing him was like a summer storm. Thunder rocked my soul as rain fell all around us. He was hot and demanding from the beginning as he pushed me along with him into some kind of strange, rushed dream. As he deepened the kiss, shimmers of pleasure ran through me. It had been far too long since he had touched me. Not kissing him back would have been impossible. I was finally feeling good.

We got caught up completely in each other. Time passed us by as we kissed and touched beneath a sky that was slowly building with electricity. The storm was finally here, and we didn't care. Only when the rain started to fall heavier did we even notice it.

Jasper rolled off of me and banged the back of his head against the dock. "Fuck."

I heard the thunder and saw the lightening. A second later, I scrambled to my feet and put my boots on. "Hurry up."

He put his shoes on and glared up at the clouds. "This shit is just not fair."

The whine in his voice and the pout on his face made me laugh. He was such a baby.

"This ain't funny," he grumbled. "I finally get you alone, and Mother Nature fucks with me. I ain't never done shit to her. So, why is she pickin' on me?"

I covered my mouth to stifle the laughter that was trying to come out. He looked so dejected. It was almost sad.

We raced to his car and left quickly. It wasn't long before I noticed we were going in the wrong direction. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

I pointed behind us. "Home is that way."

"Not tonight, it ain't."

Any protests I felt died on my lips when he looked at me with pleading eyes. One night. It wasn't a big deal. His house had several rooms. I would just sleep in one of them. My plans were not a secret to him. He knew better than to expect to sleep in the same room.

I spent the rest of the drive sitting quietly in my seat like a good girl and pondering the stupidity of leaving my bra and panties on a dock. Nothing screamed class like forgetting your underwear. It just reeked of Sunday brunch and a tea party. This was his fault. Jasper made me dumb and sleazy.

When we got to his house, he found some dry clothes for me, and we both took quick showers to wash the lake off of us. Afterwards, I made a call to Emmett to tell him that I was staying over. After assuring him that it was innocent, he finally stopped complaining. It wasn't like I was a kid anymore. He had to let up a little on this protective crap.

Jasper and I were quiet after getting to the house. He was now in a bad mood and prowling through the house like a caged lion. It was not hard to figure out why. We made out for an hour and then nothing. I actually felt a little guilty. I also knew, though, that something else was bothering him.

"Tell me what's wrong," I encouraged when he came into my room and told me good night.

He was already frowning, but it grew more pronounced. "Sometimes, I'm ready to give up on us, and I don't want to. I just need something to show me that we still have a shot, and I'm getting so much mixed crap from you, Bella."

He sounded so defeated and lost. It made me feel even worse. Before tonight, I would have said that there was very little chance for us. Now, I wasn't so sure, and I knew my uncertainty was feeding his. I wanted some way to show him . . . something.

My lips moved of their own volition. "Sleep in here tonight."

_It is official. I have lost my mind. _

What the hell was I thinking when I said that? Jasper's eyes widened. He was wondering the same thing. He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me to the bed. I knew he was trying to get there before my sense came back. He succeeded. I was in a fog of dumb tonight, and that shit was thick.

He flipped off the light and stripped out of all his clothes without even a moment's hesitation. I was a little thrown by the _all _but shook off the feeling. It was a big bed. He would be far enough away, and this was something we had done before with little to no problems. But that was a very different time. We were now laying in bed with a good several inches between us. Both of us were on our backs staring at the ceiling.

"Well, I'm just going to say it," I paused. "This is awkward."

"If you weren't holding onto the covers like a virgin on her wedding night, it might help," Jasper ground out through his teeth.

Minutes ticked by slowly. The whole time, I kept my hands fisted tightly on the covers as I fought the urge to reach over and touch him. I knew I shouldn't do it. Without saying so, we had set clear yet unspoken rules between us. No touching. No kissing. No getting close. It would get us through the night. That was the plan, anyway.

The longer we laid there the more my resolve slipped. Him staring at me only made it worse. I knew he was thinking along similar lines. I started to remember how good it felt when he touched me earlier. My body soon followed the path of my thoughts. I bit my lip and groaned. This was impossible.

I sat up and moved closer to him. "Jasper."

A warm hand found my leg and ran over my bare thigh. "Yes."

_Damn, that feels good. _

"This is a bad idea," I said as I pulled the covers away from him and moved my hand along his chest.

"We should go to sleep," he choked out.

I closed my eyes and smiled when his hand ran further up my leg. "It doesn't have to mean anything. It can just be tonight, right?" I asked.

_Wrong. _

"Goddammit, Bella." He jerked away from me and got out of bed. "I'm so fuckin' tired of this shit. I don't want tonight. I want every night."

Why did he have to do this? It was all too fast. "You know I'm not ready to give you that yet."

_You're the idiot inviting him to sleep with you._

"No. You're doing the same shit you used to do. Pulling me in and pushing me away. You need to decide what the hell you want."

Jasper slammed the door closed behind him when he left the room. I didn't blame him. He was right about me. All I did was give him mixed messages. It was my own stupid fault. His intentions were clear from the start. He wanted us again, and I wasn't ready for everything that came with that.

This was my fault. I wasn't thinking of his feelings, and I hurt him. And if we had done something, I would have regretted it. I was just being stupid this whole night. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

-

-

**Author's Note: I thought it was time to bring out more of the physical attraction between these two.  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. The next update should be on Saturday.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 12 - Slow

The morning after the night I stayed at Jasper's was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. A thousand miles existed between us, and neither one of us made a move to fix it. The silence between us was a scream that echoed through the house.

It continued on the ride home. Jasper barely registered my existence. I was just that thing in the seat next to him that he was dropping off somewhere. He didn't even drive me to my house. He parked inside his garage down the street and let me walk the rest of the way home. We didn't exchange a single word from the time I saw him when I walked out of my bedroom until the moment I left his garage.

For me, the problem was a mixture of things. One problem was him. As confusing as my behavior was to him, his was no better. Last night was the perfect example. We had a great night until I ruined it, but prior to that, he said he needed something to show him we had a shot. I was staying in his house. We had a wonderful time at the lake and had grown closer than we had since his return. Were those not really big signs that we had a shot?

My biggest problem, however, was me. I was embarrassed by my words from the previous night. I offered one night. It was just proof that I only had one brain cell. All my others must have died. I knew I was in the wrong. There was no question of that. I also knew I couldn't fix it. When Jasper was hurt, he shut down completely. If I tried to talk to him, it would just make him worse. All I could do was wait it out, and I did. It took four days.

It was now the fifth of September, and I was sitting in a hotel room in Atlanta, Georgia. We were all here for one of Emmett's football games the next day. I was waiting for Victoria to call and tell me everyone was ready to go out and eat.

She was sharing a room with Edward, which was a surprise. Rosalie and Alice were in a room right across the hall from them. I was supposed to be in a neighboring room, but my reservation got mixed up. I was stuck on a completely different floor from the others. Jasper was, as well. His room was two floors up from mine, but his was planned that way. He wanted the privacy away from his friends.

The phone finally rang, and I agreed to meet everyone in the lobby. Everyone turned out to be Jasper. He was leaning against a pillar with his hands in his pockets whistling a random tune.

The sound stopped when he saw me, and his lips turned from a pucker into a cautious smile. "The others aren't feeling well. They suggested we gone on alone."

"All four of them feel bad?" I crossed my arms in front of me. "You're such a liar, and now you're dragging Victoria in with you."

He didn't bother denying it. "Come on, Bella. What are you scared of? You might like talking to me again."

I would love to talk to him again. "Can we keep the conversation light?" I asked.

"Can we ever?"

No. It was half of our problem.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked.

I thought for a second. If I was being perfectly honest, I just wanted to spend time with him. My answer was sure. "Room service."

He ran his hands through his hair and groaned. "Shit, Bella. Don't say stuff like that."

Woah. I had to start thinking more about how my words and actions could be interpreted. "Not sex. Conversation. That's what I want. You and me. Light conversation. No interruptions. I miss it."

He stared at me long and hard. I could tell he was trying to make his mind up. Not for the first time, I wished I could read his thoughts.

When he finally decided, I was surprised. "Yours or mine."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters."

"We'll go to mine."

I didn't miss the disappointment in his eyes. He was hoping for his but got over it quickly and moved to my side pulling me along with him. His pace was fast as he rushed us to the elevator. We stepped inside just as the doors were closing. A little old lady glared at him when he jostled her. He didn't even apologize. I did it for him, but she still wasn't happy.

Jasper punched the number for my floor and watched the numbers climb. The whole time he kept a tight hold on my hand and rubbed circles into my palm. It was a habit of his from before that was usually calming. Today, it was making me anxious.

The lady stepped out of the elevator a few floors up and huffed loudly as she made her exit. I looked over at him. "You could have apologized."

"I'm sorry," he answered automatically. A second later. "What did I do?"

"You ran into that woman when we got on the elevator."

"That was a woman?" His eyes never left the numbers as they slowly climbed higher.

This was starting to worry me. "If you're going to be all weird, we can . . ."

"No. Don't say anything."

What the hell was wrong with him?

The doors opened on my floor, and he tugged me along behind him. When we reached my door, I swiped the card, and Jasper practically threw me in the room. After shutting the door behind him, he leaned against it and closed his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

A loud sigh escaped his lips before he answered. "Yes."

I just shook my head and let him have his moment. The crazy man obviously needed one.

After dinner, we kicked off our shoes and relaxed on the bed. The lights were dimmed, and the mood was more intimate than was probably smart. Neither of us were about to change that. It felt too much like being at our cabin. What didn't feel like our cabin was the quiet.

I knew one easy way to fix it. I had a running list of questions for Jasper that ran through my head. There were so many pieces of him I had that didn't seem to fit anywhere in the puzzle I was putting together. I also still liked that I would likely never get all of the answers needed to truly figure him out.

"Why do you have so many books on the Civil War? I've never seen you read them or even talk about it."

No hesitation. He dived into an answer without even thinking. "Alice buys them for me."

"She mentioned once that you were into that time period, but it never came up again."

Jasper took one of my hands into his right one. I couldn't hide the smile that formed on my lips when his thumb started making my favorite circles.

"Years ago I told her about an ancestor of mine who was an officer in the Confederate Army. She took it as a sign that I should know everything about the war. I've never read any of the books. I'm just not that interested. Maybe later I will be. I don't know."

His answer left me feeling bad for Alice. "It's sad the things we think we know about someone, and then we find out later that we didn't really know anything at all. I feel like that sometimes with you. I see you sometimes and never know if I'm seeing you or a stranger. I can't never figure out what you will do or how you will react to anything."

"I feel the same way about you. I never know what you're gonna do next. It frustrates the hell out of me. Hell, earlier I thought you would change your mind before we got up here."

Well, that explained his behavior. "At least we'll always be left guessing. It beats getting bored."

"Always? That implies a greater commitment than you offer. What will we be? Friends?"

Jasper hated labels, but it sounded like he wanted one. I could understand it. The lack of any real commitment between people with feelings like ours was hard to keep going. It was strange how we were almost in a relationship but not.

"I think if we take things slow we could be friends at minimum," I answered honestly.

He frowned. "Friends at minimum. That label sucks."

I couldn't contain the laughter I felt at his words and the disgusted look that went with them. "What do you suggest?" I asked.

"No, we can go with that. The next time someone asks if I have a girlfriend, I'll say I have a friend at minimum."

I poked him in the ribs. "You will not."

"Oh, yes I will," he teased.

I could just see the response that would get out of our friends. They already thought we were an odd pair. _Friends at minimum_ would only prove them right. It was a silly thought. We would never just be friends.

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Let me stay tonight," Jasper requested.

Because that worked out so well last time. No. We weren't doing this again. "Not tonight, and please, don't get mad about it. I know I do things to confuse you, and I'm going to try really hard to stop doing that."

Jasper didn't look angry. He seemed to accept things just fine. "No, it's okay. I understand."

When he did leave and go up to his room, I couldn't help but actually felt good about this night. We had spent time together, and it didn't end on a bad note. This was what I needed, time for us to get to know each other again. It would let me get my head straight on him, but most importantly, it would let me figure myself out.

* * * * * *

On Monday, I finally got some alone time with Emmett and Edward again. It was their idea. They both knew me well enough to know I wouldn't ask for what I wanted, which was just a day with them. Things were always so good when we were together. There was never any of the emotional baggage that came with everyone else being around. Today was just us, and I think we all needed it.

We spent the better part of the afternoon watching football. I found it very educational. Edward would tell me what each player was doing and why. He would explain why something worked and why it didn't. If a penalty was called, he told me what it meant and why it was called. Pretty soon, I was actually enjoying the game.

It became a different sort of game as the day progressed. One of the guys would pause the replay and quiz me on what happened. It was funny watching them challenge me. If I got something wrong, Edward would explain were I got off track. If I got something right, he beamed at me with pride. It was the best reward in the world.

By mid-afternoon, I was a certified fan of the game. It was hard not to be excited about something they both enjoyed so much. The only problem came when one of the players went down with an injury. Each time my heart dropped as I waited for him to get up. They did each time that day, but I still hated it because I knew that sometimes they didn't.

My mind was now envisioning it being Emmett, and I was getting more upset by the minute. I tried to hide it, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Though my focus had been on Jasper lately, the real truth was that my brother was my rock. He kept me steady and was always there for me. He was the one absolute guarantee I had in this world. Without him, I didn't how I would get by. After the last injury, I needed to escape for a minute. My imagination was getting too out of control. I made some silly excuse and went upstairs to my room.

My alone time was interrupted after just a couple of minutes. I was half expecting it. They probably played rock, paper, scissors to decide who came to talk to me. The winner turned out to be my brother. Edward must have let him win because Emmett sucked at that game.

_Rock, rock, rock. _

Emmett sat down next to me and draped an arm over my shoulder. He went straight into fix Bella mode. He was becoming an expert. "My junior year in high school I was knocked out of a game with a knee injury. Did you know about that?"

Shame washed over me. "No. I didn't know."

"You knowing about it now doesn't change that it happened. Just like you knowing I could get hurt later won't prevent something else. All it does is make you worry. It doesn't help you or me."

"I know, but I can't help it."

"Have you ever been in a car accident?"

"When I was sixteen."

He rubbed my shoulder. "The same thing can happen any day of the week. Shit happens, Bella. That's how life works. If you spend all of your time worrying about the bad stuff, you don't enjoy the good stuff. So, why waste that time? Focus on the good because eventually the bad will happen. It's inevitable, and you can't stop it."

Emmett was right. I needed to focus on the good. So much of my time here lately was spent on the bad. I still had a lot going right in my life. My brother and I were closer than ever. Edward was a sweet bonus. We might have had little time together in the last few weeks, but we were still close. Then there was my friendship with Jasper. Just the thought of him brought a smile to my face. We were progressing well. He wasn't pushing me as much, and I could relax more when I was around him.

"So," Emmett said breaking me out of my thoughts. "What's going on with you and Jasper?"

My smile got bigger. "Why do you ask?"

"Because someone wasn't in their room when I got home last night at eleven."

And the smile was gone. "You checked in on me."

"I always do. I like to know you're safe." He paused and cleared his throat. "You are being safe, right?"

_Oh my God. Are we fixing to have a sex talk?_

I mentally giggled at the thought of how embarrassing this must be for him. "What do you mean?" I asked playing dumb.

"Don't be an idiot. You know what I mean," he grumbled.

"I'm turning twenty-one in less than a week. Isn't this conversation a little late?"

Emmett tapped his fingers on the bed and glared at me. "You're not like other girls. I just want to make sure that you're prepared for whatever happens."

Last night was nothing. I was sitting in Jasper's living room three doors down enjoying a cherry limeade he bought me at Sonic. We were playing chess and talking about the plans we all had to go to Esme and Carlisle's on Tuesday. It was the third night in a row we talked instead of having crap drag us down.

"I'm not having sex with Jasper. We're just friends. We talk, and that's it."

"Bella. Bella. Bella. I'm trying to keep out of stuff and let you two do your thing, but I gotta tell you that you're being naïve if you think you guys are just friends."

I had to laugh at that. Keeping out of stuff led him to a conversation with me about sex. It was so typical. Since our reconciliation, he had really taken on the role of not just big brother but surrogate father figure. We may have been the same age, but Emmett was fiercely protective of me. I knew we occasionally went overboard interfering in each other's lives. Too many years had gone by when we didn't have this relationship, and we always seemed to try to make up for what we lost.

My insurance was taken care of by him. Any issues with the bank were handled by him. He even had a list of when my car needed to be taken in and would make sure that I followed it to the letter. It wasn't that I couldn't do these things; it was that he wanted to find some way to take care of me. Recently, I had been doing more of it on my own. I knew he couldn't take care of me forever.

In my own ways, I also took care of him. I made sure he always had the things he needed. I ironed his shirts and stocked the fridge with food I knew he preferred. When I lived in Washington, I would send him care packages of things I knew he loved. Every week was something different. We both had these little things that we did to show the other how important they were. Nothing was taken for granted.

"Em, you're a good brother. You know that, right?"

He shrugged. "I try, but I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. I try to give you space, but I still hover."

"Yes, you do, but it's okay. No one ever looked out for me like you do."

"I just want you to be happy, and if he does that, I'm not gonna complain. Just be smart, Bella. He's not a patient guy, and you two are not just friends."

Both things became apparent hours later when I was laying on Jasper's bed talking to him about us. I thought it was going to be another easy conversation like the previous night, but Jasper wasn't so inclined. He wanted to talk about us.

"How long are you gonna make us wait?" he asked.

Wait? We were doing great. It had only been two weeks since he came back into my life. In the grand scheme of things, that wasn't much time.

"I don't understand. We see each other everyday. I know we're not together, but I like that we're taking things slow."

His expression turned thoughtful. "If I take things slow, we're good?"

"Yes."

Jasper turned suddenly onto his side and pulled me into him. I gasped from the abrupt change in position. "What are you doing?" I asked.

My favorite wicked grin made an appearance and sent my blood pumping. "Just getting more comfortable."

"Liar," I accused as I reached up and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

He moved one of his hands to my hip holding it firmly while his thumb worked its way under my t-shirt. "Slow doesn't allow for your hand under my shirt," I reminded him seriously.

His hand lowered slightly. "All words are open to interpretation. Like the word slow. I'm slowly rubbing my thumb along your hip bone but only because I slowly pulled down this small corner of your sweats. That's two things I did slowly. Would you like to see what else I can do? I promise you'll like it," he drawled.

Damn. Words wouldn't come. I simply nodded.

Jasper moved his hand along my side with gentle pressure as he leisurely worked his way up my waist and around my back. My head rolled back, and I arched into him. He didn't have to do much. I craved his touch, and it was so irritating. Why couldn't I tell him no?

"When are you going to let me kiss you again?"

"Friends don't kiss, Jasper."

"Then you shouldn't have said my name," he said before pressing his lips to mine.

He started out gently at first and then became more forceful soon after. Slow always failed between us. He was always pushing for more knowing I would respond in kind.

While my mind was caught up in him, he moved one of his hands down to the ties of my sweats. Could he not just kiss me for a few minutes before leaping fifteen steps ahead?

I turned my head away. "Slow down, Jasper."

He didn't listen. I tried again. "Stop for a second."

I tried to move away from him, but he pressed his body closer in on mine. It wasn't until I pushed hard against his chest that he even paused. "What?"

"If you're not going to listen, get off of me."

"If you're gonna keep being a prude, you can get the fuck out of my house," he shot back.

What the hell? I just wanted him to slow down for a second. He didn't have to jump in the middle of me. I again tried to get out from under him, and when I moved, he howled and rolled off of me.

"Goddammit," he yelled. "Watch your fuckin' knee."

Oh no. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

Everything I did was wrong. Could I have a non-awkward moment tonight? Sex talks with Emmett were just not good, and I kneed Jasper in the groin. This was just a shitty day. My guy was laying there with his face in an awful grimace. I didn't mean to hurt him. It just happened.

I got out of bed. "I'm just gonna go home."

"Good," he groaned.

Wonderful. I felt so much better now. It wasn't like I wanted things to get messed up, but he didn't have to be so mean when I stopped him. I didn't understand what his problem was tonight.

We had been doing so well. I was finally accepting things and relaxing into this with him. Our talks were fun. The time we spent together felt more like it did in Forks. This was good. He wasn't playing with my head, and I wasn't jerking him around. So, why the hell did he get so pissed? Even when I tried to do everything right, I messed up. I didn't even know how.

* * * * * *

I heard the ticking of a clock in my head. Seconds were counting away and adding up to minutes, which had now added up to a few hours. Edward and Jasper were both running late. Everyone was supposed to meet at Carlisle and Esme's for dinner. All but two people had shown up.

We each took turns calling them both, but no one got an answer. We finally went ahead and ate dinner without them. Carlisle was not amused. Esme and I had spent several hours in the kitchen preparing everything. She wanted it to be a special night to welcome her 'kids' back home. I was hoping the evening would go well and would change Carlisle's opinion.

For me, it was about Edward. His father was extremely disappointed in him for going along with the reconciliation of the two groups. His belief was that it wouldn't take long before Jasper dragged Edward back down to where he was in high school. I was hoping if things went well that Carlisle would see just how good Edward was doing. He was really starting to thrive with everyone back together.

It wasn't until ten o'clock when we heard anything. Rosalie's phone rang. "Edward, where are you? Is Jasper with you?"

. . . "Tell me you two didn't drive home."

_Drive home? ._

. . . "This isn't funny. You knew we all had plans tonight."

Carlisle shook his head and turned to Esme. "I told you that boy was not good."

This night couldn't have gone any worse. Of all the times to pull this crap, why did it have to be tonight?

Rosalie was getting frustrated with whatever Edward was saying. "I'm not stopping by the store for that."

. . . "Put Jasper on the phone."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. "He hung up on me."

When she called him back, she got no answer. All of us were fuming. We left the house and drove home immediately. All the lights were on, every single one of them. The windows were open and music was blaring loudly. It sounded like they were having a party.

The first thing we saw when we walked inside was a cat sitting in the middle of the coffee table. We didn't have a cat. The second thing we saw was Edward and Jasper in the kitchen. Lemon slices were thrown all over the floor. Jasper was pouring two shots, and Edward was twirling a garter on his finger.

"Did you bring the lemons I asked for?" Edward slurred.

Jasper started laughing. "Bella's like a lemon. Tart. Fruity. She can be salty, too."

The both laughed at his stupid joke. I didn't think it was the least bit funny.

Edward took it as a suggestion. "Come here, Bells. Let me bite you."

Lovely. We now got to listen to them argue about who got to go first. This was just great.

Emmett slammed the front door closed, and the cat hissed. Again, we didn't have a cat.

I walked over and turned the stereo off.

"Hey," Jasper hollered. "We were listening to that."

"So was the rest of the neighborhood," Alice clipped out.

Was she separating from the pack? It sure looked like it. She set her hands on her hips and shook her head in disapproval. "Edward, how could you blow off your parents like that? Esme was really hurt by this."

I would never have guessed Alice would be a soft touch when it came to parents. It was thoughtless of me to assume that. She didn't have parents who cared. He did, and his behavior showed a failure to appreciate them.

Emmett was too mad to stick around or comment. He started going through the house shutting all the windows and turning off the excess lights. It was his way of calming down before dealing with the issue.

The two troublemakers shuffled their way into the living room with their heads hung low. The closer they got the more I saw. Both of them had lipstick kisses all over their faces and on their necks. Worse than that was the hickey on Jasper's neck and how his shirt was half unbuttoned.

My eyes caught on his neck, and my heart fell. I barely listened as everyone started berating the two of them. It was pretty apparent what one of them had been doing, and it was making me physically ill.

Edward started apologizing over and over again. He looked like he wanted to cry. "I had a bad day, and I just needed to let go a little. It won't happen again."

Victoria pulled him outside to talk to him, and the others started splitting up through the house to clean things up. Alice and Rosalie hit the kitchen. Laurent had already gone downstairs. He had an early day in the morning. My brother was still absent. My guess was that he was sitting in his room trying to decide what to say to Edward. I knew it wasn't something he would do in front of the rest of us. Emmett didn't handle things like that. His words were for that person's ears.

With the room cleared out, it was just Jasper and me.

He was staring at me with a small smile on his face. "You look pretty, Bella. I like the dress."

I picked up a book and threw it at him. "You look wasted, Jasper. I really like the hickey on your neck. Asshole," I yelled.

Rosalie and Alice stopped cleaning and jerked their heads in our direction. The rest of the house went dead silent. I couldn't even hear Victoria yelling at Edward anymore.

Jasper picked up the book and thumbed through it nonchalantly. "Why the fuck do you care anyway? You're the one who keeps turning me down. Am I supposed to cut my dick off because you don't want me?"

"Yeah, why don't you do that? Then maybe your other brain will start to work."

He dropped the book. "At least my brain isn't split between self-righteous bitch and little tease."

"No, it's just stuck on manipulative bastard and easy lay."

He shrugged off my words. "And?"

Was he serious? "You are such an arrogant prick sometimes. Why do I even bother with you? You piss and moan about me and how I can't make up my mind. How could I? You throw me out of your house and tell me you don't want me there. Then you start hounding me constantly. We start talking and doing great, and then you pull this shit."

Jasper said the stupidest thing ever. "Now I'm the bad guy. I knew you would turn this all on me."

"You are the bad guy," I shouted. "You screwed up my brother's scholarships. You tried to fix it where him and Edward couldn't graduate, and then you try to blackmail me into spending more time with you. Why would I trust you? Why would I want to be with you."

He started to talk, but I wasn't having it. "Don't you dare say a word. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one to blame for this. If I'm confused, it's because you made me this way. I'm not the only one who needs to figure out what I want."

"You," he yelled. "I want you. You know that. You knew it when you left me three years ago, and you know it now. So, don't blame this shit on me. It's not fuckin' fair. You broke my heart, not the other way around. And I only did that shit to them because I was pissed off that you left me."

"You were pissed off because I left? Well, I was pissed off that you broke up with me and then fucked Lauren Mallory, and now you're doing the same thing all over again. Did you even get a name this time?"

The dead eyes came back. Jasper wasn't showing me anything. "Why bother? It's not like I care. She's just another one to add to the list."

_Liar._

He always put off this attitude, but it was a lie. The truth was clear to me, and it pissed me off even more than the illusion. He didn't do anything tonight. He just wanted me to think he did. This was all just to show me how he could move on and find someone else. He would never move on. He would never not care. If anything, Jasper and I cared too much, but until we decided that loving each other was better than hurting each other, there would never be any progress here. And it couldn't be one of us that decided that. It had to be both.

I had to leave. This would only turn into something worse, and I had already said things I regretted. Jasper followed me, not that it did any good. My yelling caught the attention of my brother. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and let me around while he blocked Jasper from coming up after me.

"Move, Emmett," Jasper ordered.

"Bella, do you want him upstairs with you?" my brother asked.

I stopped and turned. "No, I don't."

Jasper started yelling my name, but I just kept on going. He could take his drunk ass back home. I didn't want to listen to him.

I calmly starting undressing and getting ready for bed. _Calmly_ resulted in a torn dress, thrown shoes, and a hurt foot from me kicking my bed. I brushed at my hair with hard strokes and fought back tears.

I hated him. He was such an ass. A stupid, drunken, piece of shit ass. I hated him.

I hated him so much that I found and put on the shirt of his I ended up with after that disastrous night in Forks three years prior. It may have sounded stupid and weak, but it was like a security blanket. I couldn't have him, but I could damn sure have his shirt.

-

-

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to kissyfur.  
**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 13 - Blind Squirrels and Shoes

The next day, I was sitting at the bar eating lunch when Edward crawled out of his cave. He gingerly walked down the stairs wincing with each step. His head was probably killing him.

There were several things I could do. The others had already lectured him last night. I wasn't going to do that. Who was I to say anything? We all did stupid things. Last night, Edward hadn't been too smart. We all did it. I would just try to be understanding.

I stood up and followed him into the kitchen. "Are you okay?" I asked when he reached into the fridge for a water.

He looked like death. "No, I feel like shit."

"Do you want some toast or eggs or something? I'll make you whatever you want," I offered.

Edward took up a spot at the bar and laid his head down on the cool counter. "Scrambled eggs and toast would be great."

I made up his requests as quietly as possible. Occasionally, I would look back to check on him. He was so miserable. It made me sad to see him in this state.

Minutes later, I sat next to him while he slowly ate his breakfast. When he was done, I removed his dishes and brought him another water.

He smiled at me as I brushed his hair away from his face. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"It's nothing. I've just been under a lot of stress here lately. You don't need to worry."

"You know me better than that. Of course, I'll worry."

Edward grabbed my hand and linked our fingers together. "I would do anything for you. You know that, right? You and Emmett are my family."

Why was he feeling the need to say this? I knew that. Just as he knew that I would do anything for him. "Tell me what's going on, Edward. Is it school? Victoria?"

I could see that he was having a hard time getting his thoughts together. With the headache he was suffering, it was probably no easy task.

"Did you take anything for your head?" I should have asked that earlier.

"Yeah, I did."

I moved around him so that I was sitting in the bar stool to his right. "So talk, Cullen. We don't have too long before we're interrupted by the big jerk who will bang on the counter and torture you."

He smiled and took another drink of water before telling me his problems. "I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. Between school, my volunteer work, and everyone being together again, I don't have enough time for anything, and it's just the start of the year."

"You don't have to spend all your free time doing stuff with everyone, and I know you can't be enjoy spending so much time at the hospital. Can't you scale back?"

"I already have. I'm just going to focus on school and my friends. I need to get back to basics and let things be simple again."

Simple. I missed simple. There was nothing simple about any of what had been going on in the last few weeks. My head and my heart were torn up by the different people and the shifting emotions Jasper kept bringing out of me. It all made me wish I could just escape to someplace else.

"Edward, do you ever want to just disappear and start somewhere new? Wouldn't life be easier if we could go someplace where no one knows us?"

It was an unrealistic fantasy, one I knew would never work.

He smiled at me and let his mind consider the possibility. "Little town. Small house. Big yard. No one would tell us what we should do. We could be whoever we wanted. I could coach high school football, and you could run the library. We could throw a dart at a map to pick where we vacation."

"I thought you'd pick small town doctor."

"I don't want to be a doctor."

He could have fooled me. It was all he ever said he wanted to do. Or did he? I couldn't remember a time when I heard him actually say it. Was he simply going along with what other people expected? Had we ever asked him what he wanted, or did we just assume?

Our talk was interrupted when the front door slammed loudly behind us. Edward groaned at the noise and laid his head down. That was a mistake. Emmett came up and started banging on the counter, causing Edward to moan and grab his head.

"Don't do that," I scolded.

Emmett winked at me and stomped his feet as he walked into the kitchen. "How was school today, Bells?"

"Fine." It was better than fine. Jasper hadn't been there.

My brother poured himself a glass of milk and gave me a meaningful look. It was time for his talk with Edward. I might have avoided talking about the drinking, but I knew Emmett would not. My knowledge on just how bad things were in Forks was limited. I figured it was a subject best handled by someone who knew more about the situation.

I moved outside onto the front porch. It would have been smarter to go up to my room. I had only been outside for twenty minutes when Jasper showed up.

He looked rough. My guess was he just rolled out of bed. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night. The only additions were the sunglasses protecting his eyes and the extra stubble on his face. He did manage to button his shirt up again and wash the lipstick off. That was something at least.

When he sat down next to me, the first words were predictable. "I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it."

Liar. "Yes, you did."

"Fine. I did mean it."

It was just a screwed up mess with us. So much was not being said that needed to, and neither of us were doing anything to fix it. I was going to change that.

"I never said I didn't want to be with you," I corrected him.

"Then why aren't you?"

We could have saved ourselves a heck of a lot of trouble if we had had this conversation earlier. It was just like us to do things the hard way.

"Because you want so much right away. You don't want to date or go slow. You want everything immediately."

"I do. I want it all. You in the morning. You at night. Our house. Our life. I want it all. And why shouldn't I have it now?"

How could he not know the answer? It was too much. I loved him, but it didn't mean I could jump headfirst into something that could turn into a nightmare. He had problems. I only ever saw glimpses of them, but I knew they were there. Jasper being good for a couple of weeks didn't change who he was.

Taking our time was the smart choice and to hell with anyone like Rosalie and Victoria who didn't like it. I was going to do what was right for me. I had to live with the choices I made, not them, and I had already made enough mistakes in the past by not thinking clearly. I wasn't going to do that with Jasper. I couldn't. Being with him was one of the most important decisions I could ever make, and if it took three weeks or three months, it was just the way it worked. And if he couldn't wait for that, Jasper wasn't the person I needed him to be.

"Because I'm not ready for everything you want, and you won't go for anything else."

"I admit that," he said. "I want all or nothing. And nothing is what I pick for now. Maybe when you get a taste for what that feels like, you'll start to come around to my way of thinking. Because nothing feels like shit, Bella, and halfway is just a waste of our time."

He left, which was fine. I had to go to work anyway. Let him sulk off in a corner and pretend this was over. I had better things to do than let this stuff eat at me all day. I had been letting that happen far too often.

And quite honestly, I didn't like Jasper's Bella. I liked My Bella. She wasn't a fruit loop who kissed the devil and then ran and hid behind a tree. If we were going to be together, I had to be the girl I really was. She was the person he wanted anyway.

* * * * * *

September twelfth. Emmett and I were both celebrating turning twenty-one. It was a day early, but he had a game the next day, which threw things off a little. The girls were all gathered at my house for the evening. All of the guys were down the street at Jasper's. The two groups were supposed to all meet up here in under an hour. This bonding time was necessary according to Victoria and Rosalie. The two of them practiced what they preached. Right now, they were in the kitchen giggling while they made up a pitcher of margaritas. Their bartending left me alone in the living room with Alice and the evil, hissing cat.

Yesterday evening, I listened for an hour as her and Emmett argued over mean thing. According to Edward, the little guy ran into the house when him and Jasper arrived home in the cab. My brother and Alice were now shuffling him between the two houses while they worked out a shared custody agreement. They both staked a claim on him. Everything from names to brands of cat food were topics of serious debate.

Alice and I eyed each other with leeriness. I had yet to be friendly to her, and she was always too friendly to me.

"I know you don't like me, but you're only hurting the others when you're rude to me," she said in a soft voice.

Had it not been for her questionable friendship when I was in Forks, I would have liked her. What I couldn't get beyond was her chameleon like behavior. I wanted to know who my friends were, and with her, I only knew she was a gifted actress. She played each part so perfectly I didn't know who she really was.

"Would it help if I apologized?" she asked. "I know I wasn't the best of friends to you."

My failure to respond only encouraged her to continue. "You have to admit I was right. You and Jasper being together did ruin everything."

I couldn't let that go by unanswered. "Alice, do you ever think maybe your little group needed to split up? Look how much better everyone is now for having spent some time apart."

Her lips parted with shock at my words. "We were fine before you came along."

"Really? Because I saw one guy sharing his brain with four other people. Was there a time when you didn't schedule your day around what Jasper wanted? And look what you people did to Edward."

For once, she actually responded with something I could sense was genuine. "You want to give Edward a clap on the back for figuring shit out first, and that's just stupid. The rest of us had a much steeper climb than he ever did. How could he not cross the finish line first?"

Wow. The girl actually had a point. She continued with it, too. "You sit there and make judgments on our lives based on information from one or two sources. How much do you really know about any of us? Even now, you are holding yourself apart from us. Half of that is because you're afraid of what you'll see."

"I see plenty, Alice. You all still look at Jasper for answers, and he keeps letting you. He takes advantage of you, and you don't even know it."

Getting into a disagreement with her about Jasper was not bright. She did, after all, know more about him than I did. "None of us are or were Jasper's victims. We are four people against one."

"And yet, he still wins."

Her eyes softened, and a small smile played on her lips. "Because of all of us, he's the one who needs it the most. Why do you think we do it?"

Alice had just spun my perspective on its axis. What was down just became up. Wrong became right. I was thinking in a way I never had. Was that the explanation behind the group's behavior? Did they really think they were doing what was best for him? Were their motives intended to be good rather than it being about their own weaknesses? Was Alice even as bad as I thought she was or merely cautious about offering her friendship to an outsider she knew would never fully understand her group?

How was Alice's loyalty to Jasper any different from Rosalie's? For that matter, how could I blame Alice for being so drawn to him when I was as well? If anything, I could understand just what motivated her fascination with him. I was no different.

Our little talk ended when Victoria and Rosalie walked into the room laughing hysterically. They both had a giant glass in each hand. It was bizarre seeing them so happy to be together.

Victoria sat down next to me and handed me my drink. I took a tentative sip and felt my body start to hum just a few seconds later. "Could you have made them stronger?" I asked.

"Rose has a heavy hand with the tequila," Victoria said with a smile and a wink at her new comrade.

Alice and I exchanged looks. She was as shocked as me about the two girls becoming best friends in the last couple of weeks. There wasn't any jealousy in Alice's eyes. It was all confusion because she still hated Victoria with a passion. She simply couldn't figure out why no one else felt the same way.

"What were you two laughing at?" I asked.

"Blind squirrels." Rosalie laughed again, and her new friend joined her.

Alice was as lost as me. "And what the hell does that mean?"

"All four of us are like blind squirrels. We're lucky enough to find a choice nut every now and then, but we always end up with one that's been chewed on by half the forest," Victoria joked.

The answer didn't help. Alice and I were lost in the forest trying to figure out what the hell the point was.

Rosalie helped us out. "Just think about this. Our guys have had tons of play. Classmates, rival cheerleaders, their moms."

Laughter erupted from Victoria. "She doesn't mean their own moms. That's just too screwed up even for this crowd."

_How much has she had to drink?_

Rosalie continued. "Our guys are whore tested and mother approved. They're like Kix cereal, but they can make you scream."

I didn't technically have a guy and neither did Alice, but I really didn't want to be reminded of Jasper's previous activities. "Shut up, already."

Victoria giggled and snagged a pretzel out of the bag on the coffee table. "I don't see what the big deal is. It isn't like we're innocent."

The worst possible thing ever happened next. Alice and Rosalie both popped off at the same time. "Bella is."

They hadn't seen me in three years. Why would they even assume that? Annoying girls. I put my glass to my lips and sipped at my drink. All eyes were on me. I hated it.

"Oh shit," Rosalie said out of nowhere. "You didn't wait for Jasper, did you?"

I continued to drink my margarita in silence. It was none of their business, but it didn't stop them from looking at me or wanting to know.

Alice's eyes perked up. "Laurent?"

Against my own wishes, my head shook of its own volition. Stupid head.

"Jacob?" Rosalie asked.

Again with the shaking. I hated my head.

Victoria's eyes narrowed. "Edward?" she growled.

I started laughing. "Hell no. He's like my brother."

"Who?" three voices asked at once.

They were getting nothing from me. At least, that was what I told myself. The more I drank and the more they asked, the more tempted I became to answer just to shut them up.

In a last ditch effort to get me to finally speak, they took turns with their own stories. Victoria went first.

"Cecil James. Senior year. Back seat of his grandmother's Cadillac. The car smelled just like her. I still can't look at a bottle of White Shoulder's perfume without getting nauseous."

Alice and Rosalie nodded in understanding, but Rosalie was the one who asked, "That bad?"

Victoria shivered with revulsion. "Oh yeah. He was drunk, and I was stupid. It hurting like hell didn't help."

The next one to speak was Alice. I expected Edward to be the answer, and I was wrong. "Seth Clearwater. It was the summer before my freshman year. He was supposed to teach me how to surf. He didn't," she said with a grin.

"That good?" Victoria asked.

"Oh no. It sucked, but I did learn a lesson. Sand gets everywhere, and I do mean everywhere."

I even laughed at that one.

Rosalie looked at me. "Close your ears, Bella. I have to talk about your brother."

More laughter rang out from all of us. I wasn't about to miss this. "No. Go ahead. How bad was it?"

She grinned and stared off dreamily. "It wasn't. It was actually very sweet. Junior year. The team had just won state. He was happy. I was happy. It just sort of happened."

It wasn't lost on me that the only one of us who waited for love had a good story. There was a lesson in that that came too late for the three of us who didn't.

My story wasn't so much sad or bad as it was just not what I wanted it to be. I wanted to be that girl who waited for the person she loved, but I didn't wait. At the time, I had thought it was pointless. I couldn't have Jasper. What was the point in waiting? My life wasn't a fairytale. It was reality, and reality sucked.

It was all part of a six week spell of stupidity on my part. My freshman year in college I tried to have a boyfriend, but it failed miserably. Our relationship was absent of any physical connection. He tried to kiss me, and I backed off every time. Finally, I got tired of being so closed off. Drinking and stupidity started to take over. I made small steps that encouraged him along, and things happened.

I was trying so hard to move on and thought that being with someone would make the pain stop. All it did was strengthen the hold someone else had on me. Ultimately, the guy was hurt by my distance and mixed messages. I ended up regretting what happened and hating how it caused me to retreat further into the hole I had been digging for myself. It had the added bonus of making me scared of making the same mistake twice. I was only now seeing it with what happened with Laurent and was now happening with Jasper.

The girls were still waiting. "Mike Newton. My freshman year in college. We had a project in Sociology class that required us to work together. He was the first person in a year that I really talked to. He was nice and so very happy all the time. It was such a change from the way I felt."

I took another sip of my drink and let the memories come back to me. It was hard not to like him. I didn't love him, but I enjoyed his company. We were only together a few times. After the project was over, we were over. It was my fault. I didn't put in the effort, and he got tired of being the only one of us who cared. Things weren't even awkward between us afterward. He ended up leaving school, and I never saw him again. It was a relief to say the least.

Alice was the first to speak. "What was the project?"

"Expectations in relationships."

They all laughed. It was kind of funny.

"Did you fail?" Rosalie asked.

"Only with Mike."

Alice held up her glass. "To Cecil, Seth, Emmett, and Mike. The luckiest bastards in the world."

We all drank up. I was actually maybe almost starting to have a good time. It was nice to be around these girls and be able to talk about stuff that I could never say to my brother or Edward. There was just a sense of understanding between us that was missing with the guys. I might could get used to this.

The conversation switched to Alice's adventures in dating. While they talked, I moved to the kitchen and set my empty glass down.

Rosalie followed me and set her glass next to mine. "I never apologized to you, and I'm going to do it now."

She stopped to give me time to say something, but my lips were in as much shock as my brain.

"You didn't deserve the way I treated you three years ago. I was a shitty person when you knew me before, and I have no excuse. Just know that I'm sorry, and I genuinely hope that someday we can be friends."

I was going to give her a chance. It would be silly not to. Someday the girl would marry my brother. I knew it and so did everyone else. "Rose," I said deliberately using her shortened name. "I think we can be friends today, if you like."

A smile lit up her face. It reminded me so much of Jasper that it knocked me back a bit. "I would love that, Bella."

And peace reigned between us. It would take a while before we were well and truly comfortable with each other, but it was a start.

"Just make my brother happy, and we can stay that way," I told her honestly.

Rosalie's eyes caught mine, and her expression turned serious. "I'm not going to tell you to be nice to Jasper or give him a chance again. All I will say is that you could hurt him very easily. Please, be careful with him."

"You really love him, don't you?"

She smiled sadly. "Would you like to hear a story?"

I nodded.

"When my parents died, I was only twelve. For six months, I didn't say one word or even cry. Every single day of those six months, Jasper would sit with me. He didn't say anything to me, but he held my hand. One day, we went for a walk, and I fell. I sat down on the ground and cried for hours. He never left me. He just hugged me and let me cry."

This was the first time I had ever seen the full magnitude of the love she had for her cousin. It always seemed like they were mostly just people tied together by blood but not love. I was wrong.

"When I finally stopped crying, I talked to him about my parents, and he listened to every word. He's never liked to talk. He prefers to listen. It was what I needed most, just someone who would hear me."

_And he needs someone who sees him._

"Jasper has always been mixed up, but it got worse when his mom left. Then the person he was disappeared almost completely when his grandmother died. He faded even further because of his dad, but when he looks at you, that boy comes back. If you hurt him, I think he'll be gone for good."

Her story ended. "Rose, I never wanted to hurt him. You know that, right?"

"I know, and you actually ended up helping him. He's been a lot better the last few years."

I had seen signs of improvement in him. But sometimes, he would do or say things that were just not right. "He makes me nervous with some of the stuff he does. Like being in the same classes and moving right down the street. He's just too focused on me."

"He's not as bad as you think," Rose said quietly. "Jasper has very few people in this world he truly cares about. He kept an eye on you, but he keeps an eye on everyone who matters to him. It's just who he is. It comes from his mom disappearing. He just likes to know where people are and that they're safe."

Alice skipped into the room and interrupted our chat. She grabbed our glasses and started refilling them. "Gossiping?"

"About Emmett," Rose answered.

The lie caught me off guard. I couldn't think of anything we said that Alice wouldn't have already known. So, why lie? With this group, there always seemed to more questions than answers. I was probably better off not knowing.

I would have given it more thought, but our girl party was officially over. The front door swung open and in walked all four guys. The birthday boy was wearing a kid's party hat on his head and blowing on a kazoo.

Rosalie groaned. "Why me?"

"Because you're lucky," I said with a laugh.

She rolled her eyes and sashayed over to my brother. He picked her up by the waist and held her up even with him. She used to opportunity to rip the hat off his head and remove the annoying kazoo from his mouth.

Emmett had always been silly on occasion, but I suspected the hat and the music were just to make Rose smile. I was right. She laughed at him and hugged his neck. They really were good together.

The others in the room barely noticed. We had all gotten used to their affectionate relationship. In truth, it was nice to see them so happy together.

Everyone else spread out through the room. Victoria and Edward paired up on the loveseat. He was whispering something in her ear that made her giggle loudly. All of the guys glared at him. It made me wonder what they had been doing. I could tell they thought Edward was passing on restricted information.

While those two continued their quiet communication, Alice sidled up to Laurent and dragged him into the corner of the room. He was bent over listening to whatever it was she was saying. This got Rose and Victoria fired up. Victoria even stopped her giggles while she watched the exchange. Whatever Alice said, it wasn't funny. Laurent didn't laugh. He kept his expression completely neutral.

It was fascinating watching these people. It was one big group, but little pairings were easily identifiable. Friends, couples, cousins, and siblings. We were all connected in some way.

The only two people not interacting were Jasper and me. He walked into the kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge but didn't even bother looking at me. It hurt but was no more than I expected.

I watched as he sat on the floor and leaned up against the wall. His location allowed him to be out of the way but still a part of the group. It also gave him full view of the whole room and everyone in it.

Alice split from Laurent and moved over to sit with Jasper on the floor. He wrapped an arm around her back, and she leaned up against him. They didn't bother talking. They just sat there.

Laurent wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a beer for himself. He clinked it against my glass. "Here's to apologies."

I knew at heart he wasn't a bad person. He just wasn't all good. Who was? We had both behaved badly, and it was something I couldn't deny. In the weeks since that day when we argued he had kept a polite distance. I started remembering all the things I liked about him before Jasper came to town and things turned bad. I really did like the earlier Laurent. He made me smile, and I needed some of that.

I held up my glass. "Right back at you."

"Friends?" he asked.

I nodded. "Friends."

He held out his hand, and I took it gladly. We walked into the living room and sat together on the sofa. I had my friend back. We would ever be more than that, but it was okay.

"So, who have ya'll been talking about the most?" Emmett asked.

Edward chuckled. "You're wasting your time. They won't break girl code."

I leaned forward and looked at Victoria. "There's a code," I mouthed.

She shrugged.

Alice's lyrical voice sang out next. "Who did you guys talk about most?"

They all laughed but only Emmett answered. "Leah Clearwater."

_Clearwater. _I glanced over at Alice. She nodded at my silent question. So, Leah was Seth's sister. Interesting.

"And why were you talking about her?" Rose demanded.

Laurent saved him. "We all had a crush on her at one point or another."

Evidently, this made the guys think an exchange of information was required. "What did you girls talk about?" Laurent asked.

The mysterious girl code was broken a few seconds later when Victoria gave up one of our secrets. "We've been talking about squirrels, nuts, and Kix cereal."

The guys all laughed at her confession.

"Victoria," we warned simultaneously.

Emmett started ohhing. "Girl code to girl fight. Let her talk. What secrets do you gals have?"

In a move that would further endear him to me, Edward spoke up. "We talked about blenders, pink paint, and slip-on shoes."

The mention of their own talk was met with harsh glares from both Emmett and Laurent. Jasper didn't look like he cared at all.

Edward smiled at me. "It's only fair. She spills. I spill."

It was interesting the way he always seemed to tread loyalties between two sides. His thoughts and motives were a bigger mystery to me than anyone else's, including Jasper's. I knew what everyone wanted, but I was never sure with Edward.

Weirder still was my absolute faith in him. I knew he wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt me or anyone else. It was just like his plan to get the groups back together. I might not have liked his methods, but I couldn't argue that it had mostly worked out. Everyone was happy. Well, everyone except Jasper and me. I didn't think we were even capable of being happy.

I turned my attention back to the room. Victoria smiled up at her boyfriend. "What's with the blender?" she asked Edward.

"Just that you girls like to get us all mixed up," he answered.

She was disappointed with the answer. "That's lame."

It was lame.

"I want to know about the nuts," Emmett asked.

"No. You don't," Rose whispered too loud.

Victoria didn't back her new friend up. "You guys are the nuts, and you've all been chewed on by cute, furry woodland creatures."

"I don't get it," Laurent whispered in my ear.

"You're all whores," I whispered back.

He laughed loudly drawing the attention of everyone else. I wanted to disappear into the cushions. I hated when I became the center of attention. He ignored them and leaned down to whisper something else. "Not all of us. Just three out of four."

"Which three."

"The other three, of course."

_Yeah, right._

I looked up at Jasper and found him watching us with that now familiar dead look in his eyes. The conversations in the room continued around me as I stared back at him. This thing between us was never going to go away. Did I even really want it to? No. I didn't. And what did that mean?

Right now, the thing I wanted most in this world was for it to be him sitting here next to me. Him with his hand resting on my leg. Him in my world. He wasn't though. Jasper was in his own world, just like he always was. At one time, I would have described all of us as planets circling the sun, which was him. Now, I saw him as being someone so foreign and removed from everyone here as to not even be among us.

I could tell he didn't want to be here, but he stayed around all the same. What kept him here? Why did he stay? Was it his kinship with Rosalie that kept him connected to these people? Would he ever truly be a part of the group that everyone still saw him as the leader of? Or would he continue to reside in the shadows where he seemed to feel more at ease?

"Slip-on shoes," someone said. It was something so out of left field it pulled me back down to Earth.

Victoria spoke up. "Yeah. I want to know what's up with that."

"One of us," Laurent answered. "And I won't tell you who, has a theory that finding the right woman is like finding the right pair of shoes."

_Three guesses who that is._

He explained further. "One of us thinks that because shoes come in all sizes that you have to try on several pairs to get the right fit. Women are the same way. We don't know which ones will fit until we try them on first."

_Sex, shoes, and the relationships that form when the two collide. Lovely._

Rose wrinkled up her nose. "Disgusting."

My brother cleared his throat. "One of us disagreed. That person said that you know your size and can find the right shoe without going through most of the rest."

His girlfriend smiled up at him and snuggled into his side. They were so good together. The changes in both had been remarkable now that they were well and truly back together. Knowing how she made Emmett so happy made all of this worth it. I only wished it would have happened sooner.

It was now Edward's turn to offer up an opinion. "Someone else felt you could make an educated decision after trying on just a few pairs. The shitty thing is when the store is out of your size, and you have to be patient until it comes in."

Victoria's smile seemed forced after hearing what he said. I didn't understand why. Hell, it matched her thoughts exactly. She had told me more than a few times how patient she had to be with Edward. He was still very hesitant about moving forward with her.

The eyes in the room landed on Jasper. He ignored them and stood up. We all watched in silence as he went to the kitchen and grabbed another beer out of the fridge. He leaned against the bar and took a long drink before setting the bottle down.

It was so typical. Everyone was waiting for him. His opinion mattered the most, right? He always got the last word. What he thought was the most important. What a joke on all of us but especially on me.

His eyes met mine. "I think the whole thing is fuckin' stupid. Picking out the right woman is a hell of a lot harder than picking out shoes. Shoes don't change their mind. Shoes don't talk back. Shoes don't tell you that you can't wear them. But like a woman, a shoe doesn't care who's wearing it."

Jasper wasn't finished. He only paused to take another drink and then walk around the room. I could tell he was getting more angry with each thought that entered his head.

He stopped and looked over each of us with a smirk before settling again on me. "You can go buy any pair of shoes. Hell, you can buy a woman, too, but they never feel as good as the one you really want but can't have."

This was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. He was staring at me, but the rest of the room kept their attention firmly on him. Emmett and Rosalie were frowning at him. Edward looked strangely pleased by what he heard. Victoria was not happy at all. Laurent's face was blank. And Alice was watching Jasper with the same look of glee she often had in her eyes when she looked at him.

"And think about it," Jasper continued. "If you find a shoe, you don't want it to fit real snug, but we sure want our women to be a tight fit."

He did not just say that_._

Jasper walked to the front door. Before leaving, he turned back to say one last thing. "It's convenient that shoes come in pairs. That way two guys can wear one, and the shoe doesn't think it has to make up its fuckin' mind. It must be nice to be a shoe, but a split pair is pretty damned useless if you ask me."

He left. The room stayed quiet.

I was a useless pair of shoes. He was an asshole.

_Happy Birthday, Bella._

_-_

_-_

**Author's Note: Here was the girl time that a few people were wanting. Bella is also finally letting herself become more a part of the group, which believe it or not helps her and Jasper. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. The next chapter should be posted on Saturday.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 14 - Donkey Barbecue

Things changed after the night of my birthday. Rosalie spent even more time at our house than her own. It wasn't to spend time with Emmett either. His free time was becoming increasingly rare. She just liked the atmosphere of our house compared to hers. Alice agreed. She was now a regular visitor, as well.

My relationship with Laurent was an odd mix of platonic and flirty. It was all in good fun. He knew how I felt about Jasper. Pretending otherwise would have been wrong on both our parts. I also knew how he felt, which was not much at all. Being friends worked out better for both of us. Remembering my mistake from the previous month, I kept a careful distance from him when Jasper was around. I didn't want this to be another case of me using Laurent to make his cousin jealous.

Edward was keeping a low profile. I would see him occasionally talking to Jasper, but other than that he spent most of his time with Victoria. I almost felt like he was avoiding me, but I knew it had to be my imagination. He had no reason to do so.

Most of the changes involved Jasper. Every time I saw him over the last six days, he was with a different girl. He stopped coming to classes, but I still saw him on campus. He never missed a chance to shove his new friends in my face.

I was jumping between crying fits and cutting my emotions off completely. Sometimes, I felt too much, and other times I felt nothing at all. I could look at him and force myself to see no one. The strange void was becoming harder to achieve with everyday. Today, it was pretty much gone. I was feeling everything and trying so hard to keep it in.

The first person to be on the bad end of my raw emotions was the other irritation in my life, Alec. He was no better now than a month ago. I still tried to ignore him, and he didn't get the hint. Today, he was worse than usual because Victoria was off. He had recently started bothering her way more than me.

"The search function is still not working," he complained.

_It's F3, you dumb bastard. _"You know what, Alec? If you push that damn button like I tell you every time, it might work."

_Shit. Now he's going to cry. _He looked at me like I kicked his puppy. "I'm sorry," he sobbed before running off.

A twitter of laughter behind me alerted me to a customer. Wonderful.

I turned around to find a daylight stripper hanging onto my man. Jasper was smiling as he twirled a lock of her fried hair around his index finger. I wanted to cut that damn finger off. The last week had left me tempted to do some serious violence to just about anyone.

It wasn't even the girls. I knew he wasn't doing anything with them. They were just weapons in some stupid war he was waging against me. The Lauren thing was another thing I figured out. Edward was right all those years ago. Jasper didn't touch her. She was just the first in a long line of people he used to hurt me. The girl in front of me was no different.

Blondie smacked on her gum while she talked. "Yeah, we need a book."

_Like she could read. _"Do you have a title, author, or subject?" I asked feigning interest.

"Self-help," she answered before leaning in to whisper. "He swears it's not about masturbation, but I think he's lying."

_Damn. _Jasper looked ready to kill her. It was the best thing I had seen in years, and the thought of him needing a book to figure out how to do that was just awesome.

"Alrighty," I answered with a sweet smile. "I'll show you what I got."

She followed. He didn't. When we reached the section, I pointed out the different topics. "Stress management, self-esteem, . . . Anything ring a bell?" I asked.

The girl looked around nervously. "He says it's for a friend of his. She has problems with relationships."

Oh really. Delivering messages through his girls. So tacky."Well, good luck with that."

I stalked back to my book cart and continued my job. Of course, _he_ showed up. "How's my cousin?" Jasper asked.

Him thinking I was with Laurent was just stupid. I sat next to the guy on a couch for a grand total of twenty minutes. How awful of me.

I crouched down to put a book on the bottom shelf. When I did, I noticed his shoes. He was wearing work boots. Finally, a change.

I stood up too fast and hit my knee against the cart. The pain was minimal, and I ignored it. "You changed shoes."

The gum-smacking companion was latched on to his side again. "You sell shoes, too?"

My attention was on him, and I ignored her ridiculous question. Jasper had a pained expression on his face. "I got tired of the others. Too many people are wearing them."

Too many people were wearing me, but he needed paint thinner to get the blond off of him. Jerk.

I had been referring to the Converses, and he was back to calling me useless. There would be no progress here. It was over. I turned around and left him with his dumb friend and his stupid shoes. My eyes were threatening to tear up, and he was not going to get to see his affect on me. I would rather die.

When I walked by Aro's office, he called me inside for a talk. I had thought my day couldn't get worse. "Close the door, Bella," he requested.

I followed his direction and then took a seat. Him calling me Bella wasn't a good sign.

"Sorry, kid, but we gotta have a donkey barbecue," Aro started.

I learned two things. Distractions could come out of nowhere, and stupid wasn't limited to blonds or any other hair color. It was an equal opportunity adjective that could be used to describe even me.

"I don't wanna eat a donkey."

Aro's already wrinkled face scrunched up into more deep crevices. It made me nervous. I could see the disappointment in his eyes and the anger in the set of his jaw.

I started my nervous yammering. "If it makes you happy, I'll help with the cooking, but you have to kill the donkey. I'm just not going to do that. I've heard what you people do to goats, and that's just not okay with me. Are we having goat, too?"

"Bella, it's an butt chewing," he explained. "You were rude to Alec, and you did it in front of customers."

I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I would rather have eaten the poor donkey. The tears that were a mere threat minutes ago were now a full-blown reality.

_Jasper. Shoes. Goats. Alec. _Each thought made my control slip further and further. Nothing was going right in my life anymore. I was unhappy and confused. My frustration was at an all time high, and now, my boss hated me, too.

"You have to be professional, Bella. You can't let your temper get the best of you," Aro continued.

_Donkeys. Blonds. Stupid, unprofessional me. _My bottom lip started to quiver, and I took a stuttered breath.

_Jasper and his stupid girls. Me and my cold, dead heart. _I hated my life. It was all good until he showed up and ruined it. I was happy. I just wasn't happy enough.

Only Jasper ever really woke me up. Without him, I was dead. I didn't want to feel dead anymore. I wanted to be with Jasper. I wanted to wake up with him in the morning and go to sleep with him at night. Make him breakfast and hear his laughter. See him smile at me and mean it. I wanted My Jasper, and I couldn't have him. All I got was the selfish, cruel jerk that made me feel like shit.

I sobbed into my hands and tried to hide my face. It was embarrassing and just awful to lose control like this. The thought made me feel worse, and the sobs became louder.

A chair screeched as it slid across the hard floor moments before a comforting hand settled on my back. Aro had moved to the chair next to me. "Oh, come on, Brown Eyes. It's not that bad. Alec is annoying. I just don't want you snapping at him in front of people."

"I don't care about him," I said in between my sobs.

All I cared about was Jasper, and he didn't care about me. I might know he wasn't doing anything with them, but I still hated every girl I saw him with. Every silly giggle was a new shard of metal piercing my skin. Every batting eyelash was demanding a fight out of me. I wanted to rip out hair extensions and beat a bitch to the floor. I should have just beaten him. He was the one who needed it.

Aro rubbed at my back and handed me a box of tissues. I wiped at my tears but more fell. It was hopeless, just like everything else. He would never stop taunting or humiliating me. I hated him so much.

"Come on, sweetie. I know I'm an old man, but you can talk to me. I can't have my favorite girl crying."

I would never tell someone like him they wouldn't understand. He had lived far longer than me and experienced far worse. It infuriated me when people thought others didn't understand pain, but it didn't mean I wanted to talk about mine.

"It's nothing," I lied.

He chuckled softly, and the sound warmed my heart slightly. "Is it that boy you were talking to? I've seen him in here watching you, and I know he's the one with Alice that day a couple months ago."

I looked up at him and nodded sadly. "He hates me."

Aro shook his head. "With all those hundred dollar bills of his you shove in the box everyday, he has single handedly paid for little Tyler Crowley's operation. Would he do that if he didn't care about you?"

It was the truth. Jasper loved the game. Stupid, rich kid.

I took a shaky breath and tried to calm down. "Do you really think so?"

"Yes. You kids these days make everything so difficult. If you want the boy, just go get him."

"It's complicated."

My boss tapped his cane on the floor loudly. "Nonsense. You either want him, or you don't. Make up your mind."

* * * * * *

I was getting very good at lying to myself and pretending to be something that I wasn't. I looked happy. I wasn't. I smiled big but not on the inside. My laughter was loud but empty. It was all a lie, and the people around me weren't seeing it. I couldn't even blame them. Jasper modified his behavior around our friends. They were completely clueless about what was going on with us. If they weren't, I wouldn't be where I was right now.

Victoria gathered up all the girls and brought us to Webster's, a popular sports bar near campus. In turn, Edward had brought the guys along. The two groups sat at different tables across the room from each other. It was a game of sorts between the happier members. Each side was taking bets on who got hit on the most or ended up with the most phone numbers. It was stupid. I was the only one not having fun.

A waitress came and took our orders. Alice ordered a fruity concoction for everyone that sounded like a tropical island exploded. No, thank you.

I waved my hand in the air. "Not happening. I'll take a Wild Turkey and Coke."

The girls all looked at me with irritation for breaking from the pack, but the waitress smiled in understanding. At least someone was on my side. I liked Heidi. She was obviously a smart girl.

This whole follow the leader bullshit this group did was eating at me. I didn't want to be one of a crowd. I liked my drink. I would order it the way I wanted. If they didn't like it, they could get over it. And why the hell did we do everything as a group? Was it just too hard for these people to interact in pairs? It pissed me off.

Through the next hour, talking and jabbering went on around me, but it wasn't holding my interest. I was too busy watching Jasper who appeared to be winning his portion of the bet. Bastard. He was enjoying himself while I sat here hating the world and everything in it.

My eyes got tired of glaring at him, and I tried to pretend to be disinterested. That worked until I saw him pull a giggling redhead onto his lap. He didn't even like redheads. At this point, I wasn't even sure if her hair was red. It could have been the fog of rage that settled over my eyes as I observed from a distance. The whole room had a rosy tint to it at this point.

There was shit I could do to that girl she would never recover from. Fighting wasn't really my thing, but I was fairly confident I could win. I had seething anger on my side. She had fake nails and a stupid laugh. Bitch.

The girl left after a few minutes of whispering in his ear. My narrowed eyes watched her sashay off to join her gaggle of giggling idiots at a neighboring table.

_Duck. Duck. Goose. Bitch. Bitch. Whore. _

My night got worse when Jasper strolled over to our table and sat down next to me after the girls all took a field trip to the restroom. The smirk on his face was going to get him slapped. I hated when he looked at me that way.

He picked up my drink and tasted it. "Interesting choice. No umbrella. No sexual undertones. It sure fits you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not stout enough to drink it straight, nor playful enough to drink something fun that's decorated with an umbrella. The sex is obvious. You keep those thighs clamped together so tight it would take a vice to separate them. Girls like you don't have sex on the beach. You require a petri dish and a sterile environment."

I could have let him in on my theory about his absent sex life, but I didn't. "All you need is an available hole or a hand. I doubt you even have a preference."

Jasper's slow smile caused my heart to flip. "Nah, I have a definite preference. Come home with me, and I'll show you."

I hated how tempted I was. Dammit. I forced a response. "Will I get a side of gonorrhea with that?"

He laughed loudly drawing the attention of Heidi. She sauntered up to the table and flipped her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously. "You weren't in my section a minute ago."

_You have got to be kidding me._ She was flirting, and he was eating it up. I kept my eyes open but my ears shut. It would alleviate some of the anger that still threatened to boil over.

Jasper was smiling at her like she was a piece of cake. Then again, she was batting her lashes like she had sugar in her eyes. I bet that would hurt. Was I really thinking about sugar when the waitress was flirting with my man? Yes. Why? I had no clue.

_He's not your man, Bella._

The girl wandered off, and Jasper turned his head to watch her walk away. He whistled. "I like her legs."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. The jerk never once commented on my legs. He never commented on much of anything about my physical appearance. Only now was I bothered by it.

"Come on, Bella. A nice pair of legs is mandatory. I saw this one pair a few years ago that stopped my heart. I still dream about 'em every night."

Jasper was now throwing his dreams about other women in my face. How nice. It would be more efficient to just stab me.

I glared at him, but he wouldn't stop. "You can tell a lot about a girl by her legs."

"And here I thought you could tell more by how often she spreads them."

He grinned at me. "Don't be such a judgmental prude. I like sex. You would, too, if you tried it."

Heidi returned with two shot glasses. After giving him a wink, she giggled and left.

Jasper tapped on one of the glasses and gave me a challenging look. I shrugged it off. I didn't need him forcing drinks on me.

"I knew you couldn't do it," he barked with triumph.

Ridiculous. Anyone could drink a shot, and I had done it often enough in the past. It wasn't rocket science. You raised the glass, opened your mouth, and swallowed. Three step process. An idiot couldn't screw it up.

He read my mind. "Let me change that to _wouldn't_ do it."

The stupid jerk really had no clue where my head was tonight. He just kept pushing and pushing at me. I was not amused in the least.

The girls returned to the table and watched us with interest. Rose was the first one to talk. "What's going on?"

"Just proving that Bella is uptight," Jasper answered.

Alice laughed. "Isn't that like proving she has pretty brown hair?"

Backhanded compliment. I could have let it sail overhead and not let myself be bothered, but I just couldn't. I fixed her with a dead stare. "Perky bitch is being catty with kindness."

I drank down one of the shots and grinned big at the petite girl. From the corner of my vision, I could see Jasper studying me carefully.

Alice's eyes glittered. "Ohhh. Blunt like a club. Shallow like a pond."

"Shallow is good. Without a lifeguard on duty, I need to make sure you can reach the bottom."

Jasper's hand moved down to rest on my thigh. He squeezed it and gave me a warning look. The jerk was always protecting Alice, which was stupid. She could more than handle herself.

_Protect me. Care about me._

I turned my attention to him. "Take your hand off my leg, Whitlock."

Hurt registered on his face for a second before switching to that dead expression I hated. Good. I wanted him to feel bad. I wanted him to hurt.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want anyone touching Princess," she cooed. "She might break."

I was beyond tired of her shit. "When you're ready to step out from behind the lying piece of shit to your left maybe you and I can finally settle this? How lucky do you feel tonight?"

The table got real quiet. Alice's eyes showed a flash of actual fear. She wasn't saying anything.

It was disappointing. "If you ain't gonna back your shit up, keep your mouth shut."

Victoria finally got over her mirth at the situation and tried to redirect my anger to someone safer. "You know what's funny? Alice is only a bitch when you're around, Jasper. Do you let her borrow your balls or something?"

He was not amused. "They say charity starts at home."

I returned his cold stare with one of my own. "Yeah well, you making such small donations will only take her so far."

Jasper was furious. If it were anyone else, they would be in trouble, but he wouldn't say shit to me.

I picked up the last shot glass and considered it. Throwing a drink in someone's face was a real bitch move. I wouldn't do it. I was better than that, and when Jasper and I were good, _we_ were better than that.

"Thanks for the drinks. If you ever grow up and stop trying to hurt me all the time, maybe we can have some together. Until then, you can go back to your table and take your disciple with you."

For a brief second, I saw something in his eyes that gave me hope, but then Alice jerked on his arm and started whining. It was a reminder of how many ears were listening to us. If we were going to talk, it couldn't be around everyone else. The two of them left after Alice flashed me a smug smile.

The games were over for the evening. I was feeling hostile and unamused. I really needed something to make me forget how much I was starting to hate Jasper.

Several minutes later, a tap on my shoulder got my attention. Heidi handed me a glass and a piece of paper. She pointed out someone at the bar. "Dark hair. Broad shoulders. Real good lookin'. He liked what you were drinking."

Mystery man wasn't looking at me. His back was to the room as he enjoyed his own drink. "Tell him I said thank you," I requested.

"What does the note say?" Victoria asked.

I looked up and remembered my friends. They had been mostly forgotten in the last several minutes as I drifted into thoughts about an irritating blond guy who made my heart hurt.

I opened the note. It was just a simple name. _Marcus. Fuckin' beautiful. _J _names __sucked._

"His name is Marcus," I answered with a forced smile. "Anybody got a pen?"

Rosalie frowned at me. "Your purse is in your lap. Don't you have a pen?"

"Oh yeah." I retrieved my pen and wrote my name under his.

"You're not really going to do that, are you?" Rose asked.

Victoria agreed. "We should just go home. I can take you if the others want to stay."

Staying now sounded like the best idea ever. I took another drink and shook my head. "No, I'm staying. And it's a name. Not sex. What's the big deal?"

I waved Heidi back over to us and handed her the note. The waitress smiled at me knowingly before walking off to deliver it.

Rose leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Jasper is watching you. Do you really want him thinking you're interested in that guy?"

My temper was finally getting the better of me. I really didn't care what he thought. "Fuck Jasper." It wasn't a whisper and was easily heard by the rest of our table and the ones closest to us.

My friend agreed. "Maybe if you did that, you two could work your shit out."

Victoria choked on her drink. "Finally, someone said it."

They both laughed. I didn't think it was funny at all. "I would rather sleep with a . . . goat."

_What the hell is with me and goats all of a sudden?_ Well, they were cute. I liked goats, and hell, donkeys needed some love, too.

_Goats and donkeys climbin' up a tree. F A L L I N G. _It was the hooves. It made them slip, and it made me want to cry.

Them falling like that was wrong. Goats had feelings. Donkeys did, too. We could all cry together. We could hold hooves and share our pain. They would understand.

The suffering of the poor animals in my head was just one more strike against Jasper. Where was PETA when a girl needed them? They were probably protesting outside of a KFC. In the grand scheme of things, wasn't a goat or a donkey more important than a chicken? They were bigger.

Wow. Was this really where my brain was? There was nothing good about that. Also not good were the men in my life.

Emmett ignored me to spend time with his reformed she-wolf. Edward wasn't any better. He had Victoria. Where did the love go, boys? You used to talk to me. Assholes. Laurent showed me attention, but I wasn't going down that road again. He was a good friend but a shitty almost boyfriend, and I was pretty sure he had a side deal going with Alice now.

Jasper. Just thinking the name again made the tears form. I wasn't having that, not now. I forced some fire back into me and took another drink. I hated him. The light was gone, and the darkness prevailed.

I nodded my head over at the guys' table. "Look at them. All of 'em are flirting their asses off to win some stupid bet. How does that shit not piss you two off? Hell, you girls aren't even trying. They're kicking your asses and making you look stupid."

My world was not good. I knew if Alice was still at our table that she would have agreed with everything I said. Her head would bob up and down like a whore's in a police car. And what the hell was wrong with my brain tonight? I never had thoughts like that one.

My glass was empty, and Heidi was bogged down with other tables. I crunched on an ice cube and glared at Jasper. Finally, something happened to make me smile. My brother almost knocked Jasper out of his chair when he brushed by him. Good. Someone needed to knock him down.

Jasper started to watch me. It made me want to cry some more. All I did was cry over him. It was sickening and stupid. He didn't care. I never mattered. He probably hated me. I was nothing to him.

_Nothing. Useless._ _Pathetic. Stupid. Boring. Bella. _He could go to hell. I was done with his taunts and his whores.

I stood up and walked to the bar. Victoria and Rose's voices rang out behind me, but I didn't care. I was an adult. I could do what I wanted, and I wanted to go talk to Marcus. If he were even remotely friendly, it would be an improvement over everyone else in my life.

The stool next to him was empty. I sat down with a sigh and looked at the guy. He was good looking. "I'm Bella."

He smiled. "I know. I'm Marcus, remember?"

The bartender asked for my order, but I had already had enough to drink. "No thanks."

Marcus took a sip from his own glass. He was barely paying me any attention. "So, you buy a girl a drink, write your name down, and then play coy. Nice plan. Does it work for you?"

He shrugged. "You're here, aren't you?"

"Good point," I answered. "Is this typical for you? Everyday. Different bar. New girl. Another name."

"No."

"To which one?"

"All of them."

There was no way it was the truth. "I bet you tack the names on the wall and show them off as trophies. Notches on the bed post are so last century."

Marcus turned in his stool and stared at me. "He's really got you messed up something serious, doesn't he?"

The fake smile on my face faded. "Who?"

He nodded his head in Jasper's direction. "You watch him. He watches you. I saw it in the mirrors behind the bar. I can see everything from here."

I smirked at him. "And what do you see right now."

"A desperate girl who wants to make a guy jealous."

"You're wrong. I'm not desperate, and jealousy isn't even a thought in my head. I'm just tired of hidden agendas, fake friends, and shitty boyfriends."

My new friend studied me carefully. It gave me a chance to enjoy looking at him. He was different than everyone else in here. There was a seriousness to his expression that made me think he never laughed or felt happy. He looked just as sad and lonely as me. It had to be an illusion. People were never themselves in bars. They played a part to get what they wanted.

"What's his name?" Marcus asked.

"Jasper."

Saying it out loud made me want to cry again. Why was everything always so wrong with us?

"You love him and hate him, and he feels the same way about you. It's easy to see. No one can look at someone like you two do and not feel a whole hell of a lot."

Okay. Who was the hell was Marcus, and how did he get so smart? And when did I get so dumb?

"I do love him."

Marcus sat up straighter. "Have you told him that?"

"No, but he knows it."

"Right now, he knows you're talking with someone else, and he looks like he wants to kill me."

"We are having a simple conversation. People can do that. I also talk to customers at my job and people at the bank. He just needs to grow up and get over himself."

Marcus chuckled. "You didn't look so happy when he was talking to that redhead earlier."

The comparison was hardly fair. "You mean the one he had sitting in his lap and whispering in his ear. I can guarantee you that his reaction would not be to sit idly by and watch as I crawled on top of you."

"No, I don't imagine he would. So, if you two love each other so much, why aren't you together?"

Because I didn't think there was anyway I could ever be me if I was with him. I would always be Jasper's Bella.

Aw shit. I just had a monster of an epiphany.

Did I not want him to be Bella's Jasper? Did I not want him to choose the person inside of him I loved? He was right about me. I did want the same things as him, but I didn't offer them in return.

Beyond that, did either of us really lose any part of ourselves when we were together? Or did we just gain each other? Any changes in us were a result of bending our lives to accommodate the other person and from simply being exposed to different viewpoints. Jasper and I looked at the world in completely different ways. His world wasn't black and white like mine. He was many shades of gray with bright brush strokes of color dotting the landscape. It was why we balanced each other. I set limits, and he had none.

"You look like you figured something out," Marcus said, bringing my attention back to him.

I smiled at him and nodded. "I did. Thank you so much for talking to me."

"I'm here every Thursday. You should come back sometime."

I stepped down from the barstool. "I might just do that. You have a good night, and thanks for the drink."

I kept quiet for most of the trip home. As nice as it was to have my thoughts clearer in regards to Jasper and me, I still had the huge problem of him being a complete jerk. Was he awful sometimes? Yes, but he was also really wonderful sometimes. There were so many different parts to him. I couldn't pick and choose which ones I got. Good, bad, awful. They were all him, and being with him meant accepting the good with the bad.

I also knew that most of his behavior was motivated by his frustration at the situation. Asking someone like him to hold back wasn't a very reasonable request. It just wasn't in his nature. I knew this, and I still asked him to do it. I was expecting him to bend in ways he couldn't. It was as unfair as his desire to have everything right now.

Could I wait around until he apologized for being a jerk for the last week? I could, but I wasn't going to. From the very beginning, it was Jasper who made all the steps to get us back together. I offered very little in return. Was it any wonder he was lashing out? He was pissed at me, and if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that he had reason to be. I was as much to blame as he was for where we were right now.

It was time for me to show him something other than the confusing crap I had been giving him. It wasn't fair to expect him to be the only one to stick his neck out. I had to do it, too. It all came down to what I wanted, and I wanted him. I just had to get him alone to make that happen.

Tonight was actually looking good for that very thing. Jasper was going off alone down to his house. Alice cuddled up to Laurent and joined him down in his apartment. Rosalie was walking with me inside. She had made plans to stay over with Emmett.

It looked like she was going to have to wait a bit. My brother was outside having some kind of serious discussion with Edward. Victoria was nodding her head and adding a few words of her own every few seconds.

"What's going on with them?" I asked Rose when we got in the house.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sure it's about Jasper. He wasn't exactly Mr. Nice Guy tonight."

No, he wasn't, but I was hoping to fix that. "Hey, Rose. I was thinking about making a field trip tonight. Do you think you could cover for me?"

"A field trip?" she asked dubiously. "Would that be three doors down and into the jaws of a raging jackass? And why would you be doing that?"

I couldn't hide the smile on my face. "Because I'm finally ready to go after what I want?"

"It's about damn time."

-

-

**Author's Note: The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday. It will be a Jasper POV. I know a few people have been looking forward to that.  
**

**Thanks for taking the time to read and review.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 15 - Out of His Size

**Jasper POV**

**Spring '06**

High School. People talked to me. I ignored them. People talked about me. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. The voices were loud. The comments were sympathetic and rang in my ears for hours.

_What a waste._

_It's so sad._

_He'll never play again._

_His poor arm._

_Emmett and Edward hate him._

_What a shame._

_He was so good._

_I feel sorry for him._

I heard all of it over and over. It lasted for months. No one would look me in the eyes, but they watched me wherever I went. The compassion burned a hole in my gut. These people didn't know me, but they all universally pitied my poor state. The only thing poor about me was my heart. That bitch was broke.

Alice and Rose kept most everyone away from me. They were vicious to anyone who talked to me. I liked hearing it. It matched the feelings I had inside.

I hated everyone. Sitting high atop the list were Edward and Emmett. Problem one was him pushing me down the stairs. Problem two was Bella. They knew where she was, and they wouldn't tell me. I didn't even ask to see her. I just wanted to talk to her on the phone. No one would help me.

It wasn't long before I lost the sound of her voice, but her face was as clear as day. I lost her taste, but her smell was embedded in my mind. The only time the world stopped being so ugly was when I said her name out loud. All sound would stop, and I could breathe for a few minutes.

I tried to keep her close even when I didn't know how far away she was. Her key was sitting in my pocket. I took it out throughout the day running my thumb over the grooves. It kept me calm. The key was waiting for her to come back. Our cabin was, too. I kept it clean using my good arm and always made sure the fruit bowl was full of apples.

But she never came back, and I never stopped hoping she would.

* * * * * *

**Summer '06**

They found her. The phone call came early this morning. After seven long months, I was finally going to get to see her again. She worked in a little pet store in Seattle.

I sat in my truck waiting for her to show up. I didn't have a plan. All I had was hope. I hoped she wouldn't run from me. I hoped she would still feel the same as she did before. I hoped she could make everything right for me again.

When I saw her, hope died. This wasn't My Bella. This was a shell, a fragile shell of a girl waiting to collapse. My first instinct was to go to her. I couldn't have her sad. She was too good for sad. She should smile and know the world was here for her. This wasn't Earth. For me, this was Planet Bella. I was just a moon in her orbit, but watching her made me see that my planet was dead. I killed her.

I reached for the door handle, and for the first time in months, her voice came back. I could hear it so clear. Her last words to me were echoing in my head. She thought I was weak. She thought I couldn't survive on my own. What would she feel now? I really was weak. I had nothing, nothing but a need for her.

There was no way I could come to her like this without anything to offer in return. I would just wear her down further than what she was. In a few short weeks, I would kill the rest of those pieces of her I loved by draining her of what little she had left. I couldn't do it. I needed her, and I knew she needed me. But neither of us had enough of anything right now to make it last.

Tears burned my eyes. I felt numb all over. The pounding in my head returned. I sat in my truck willing myself to get out and go to her, but my body wouldn't respond. I just couldn't do it.

* * * * * *

**May '08**

It was a shit week for me. Two years of work for nothing. I tried so hard and worked so long, and it got me nothing. I was too late.

I walked the field and smelled the turf. The yard marks taunted me, and the silence was making my ears bleed. I looked up and saw the goal posts that were bent into that permanent fuckin' smile that just pissed me off. Worse still, they were yellow. It was a big, yellow smiley telling me to go fuck myself.

I wanted to play again so bad. Focusing on that goal was the only thing that kept me sane. Now, I had nothing. It wasn't just the football thing that was killing me. It was also the knowledge that I had nothing to show her. All my life shit was given to me left and right. Some of it was bad, but a lot of it was good. I never had to work hard for much, and I wanted to show her I could.

_Bella. _

I had to go see her. I didn't do it often, once a month or so. Today, I needed to.

I found her in the same spot she always was, sitting on her bench. It always amazed me when I would watch her. People passed by without even giving her a second glance. How could someone I valued so much be of so little consequence to everyone else? People only saw what they wanted to see, and no one saw her.

Not me. I saw everything. I saw her lips twitch into a smile when the sun would shine. I saw her furrow her brow when an arguing couple would pass. Then there was the way she would shake her head at the stupid crap people around her did. They were court jesters amusing their queen, but none of them even knew she was there.

I was struck by the extra emotion in her expression today. The ghost was gone, and the girl was back. Finally.

With the girl came the sound of birds singing and the smell of coming rain. The world was right again. I could feel the change in the air and breathed in deep letting it fill my lungs. This was right. This was good.

I whistled a happy tune as I walked away. I never stayed long, five minutes maybe ten. Any longer just hurt too much. Today, it was different. Today, I felt good. I was gonna get my girl back.

* * * * * *

**Labor Day '08**

Emmett, Edward, and Laurent were the biggest pussies on the planet. I listened with an amused ear to all their complaints. They lasted all day.

_It's too hot. _No shit. It was a hundred degrees outside, and they were sitting on a roof.

_This fence looks fine. _Well, that big fuckin' hole in it didn't look fine at all.

_Why can't I ride a horse? _Because it was funnier to watch them walk.

_When can we leave? _We could leave when I got tired of making them suffer.

The day got better when my stupid cousin shut his fingers in a door. What kind of dumb bastard would do that? I had better not catch hell from Bella about this shit. She was already pissed about his arm.

Hmm. Bella.

I didn't know what got into that girl tonight, but I liked it. She let me kiss her. Three years I waited, and it was worth every second. She let me touch her, and together we made a storm.

The poor girl was playing right into my hands and didn't even know it. She even fell for that line of crap I fed her. What kind of dumbass would give up on a girl who went swimming naked with him and then made out with him for an hour? I was many things, but stupid was not one of them.

I played on her fear and guilt, and she let me in her bed. I might love her, but Bella was naive as all fuck. And I was the smarmy bastard willing to take advantage of it.

Tonight moved up my schedule by a good week. Sure, I was pissed when she offered me just one night, but after I calmed down, I figured out a way to work it to my advantage. It gave me the chance to play the good guy.

I knew this girl better than I knew myself. And what I knew was that if I switched things up and made her think she was in the wrong, my job would be easier. Guilt would make her talk to me. I was the nice guy who wanted more than one night. I was the nice guy who wanted forever, and I did. But I also wanted her, and I would be getting all of her very soon. I just had to be patient and keep my cool. It should be easy.

* * * * * *

**Night before the dinner**

Easy was no longer a word in my mental dictionary. This shit was hard.

Bella was lying in my bed next to me. The shirt she was wearing gave me too good of a look. I hadn't touched her breasts in a week, and that was not okay. Also not okay were those strings on her sweatpants. They were talking to me, and I agreed with everything they were saying.

_Untie me, Jasper. She wants you to. Would she be on this bed if she didn't want you?_

My patience was gone, and it was directly associated with the ache in my balls, which was only slightly worse than the one in my skull. I needed to get laid. I had to get laid. If I didn't, I would go crazy.

Seeing this girl from a distance for the past two and a half years was a completely different thing from lying on a bed next to her. From a distance, I couldn't smell her or hear her breathe. Those parts of her I wanted to play with were now within easy reach. Those legs I loved so much were in shorts half the time when I saw her. The shirts she wore were too low to be decent. Her legs. Her breasts. Her on my bed. Fuck.

Bella was into this whole talking bullshit that was getting us nowhere. We could talk after sex and the nap I would need afterward. I liked talking. It could lead to more sex.

I wasn't some asshole who only wanted her to spread her legs. Her mouth would work, too, but that was beside the point. I loved the girl, and right now, I would love to finally get to sleep with her. It was all I could think about other than sneaking a cigarette, which I couldn't do because I quit.

We talked. I kissed her. She stopped me. I got pissed. She kneed me in the balls. There was no love in the world that could conquer that feeling.

Easy and slow were kicking my ass, and honesty didn't work. I loved her. She didn't care. I had nothing. I was out of plans and tired of the bullshit.

* * * * * *

**Night of the dinner**

Fuckin' Edward. Getting drunk and needing a ride were not okay. Esme was going to be hurt by this. Everyone would blame it on me, Carlisle especially. Why couldn't he have called someone else? There was no way I could make this right. I was already nervous about the dinner and didn't want to go. This shit made it worse.

I walked into the bar and found Edward sitting at the head of a table with a giggling brunette in his lap. The veil she wore was bad news. This was a bachelorette party.

Drunk women were the scariest predators on the planet. When they were getting married to funny looking guys with a lisp, they were even worse. I wanted to put a lock on my zipper and get the fuck out of Dodge.

Too late. Choir boy had to yell my name. "Jasper, I want you to meet my new friends."

All those pretty eyes landed on me. I wasn't gonna lie. I liked women. They were fun to play with. Soft and sweet. They smelled good and tasted better. Fuck _like_. I loved women, and I hadn't had one in a long time. A really, really long time.

One drink. I could do one drink, and then we could leave.

An hour later, Edward had thrown the brunette my way. The more I drank the more she started looking like Bella. But she sure didn't laugh like my girl. This braying like a mule shit was grating. Her smelling wrong didn't help.

When she started gnawing on my neck, I was done with her. I dumped her in Edward's lap and went to find the restroom. The mule followed me. Shit.

"I'm getting married tomorrow," she slurred as she pushed me against a wall.

I put my arms up and moved her back from me. "Good luck with that."

"He's too old for me."

"Not my problem."

Her hands reached for the front of my jeans. I caught them. "Don't do that."

The girl wanted to cry. "Don't you want me?"

Hell no. When I fucked a bride, it would be Bella. "No."

"Your friend said you did."

My friend was piss drunk and making animal noises. Why the fuck would she listen to him?

* * * * * *

**September 12th**

Music. Loud, annoying, shitty music. Alice blowing on a kazoo. A cat staring at me and meowing incessantly.

A plan was coming together in my head. Her feet, a heavy chain, concrete blocks, and a pier. The bitch was torturing me. Killing her was no longer a temptation. It was a definite possibility.

I was lying on the sofa in the living room with a monster of a fuckin' headache. Alice's noise and that stupid cat were doing nothing to temper the images I had in my head of what I wanted to do to Bella. Her against a door. Bent over a couch. On her knees. In the shower. On a table. In my car.

I didn't know what was worse, quitting smoking or not having sex. In the end, it didn't matter. I was pissed off constantly and frustrated to the point of killing elf like creatures that would not stop playing music I hated.

Three years ago, I told her to burn this shit. _Rick Springfield. Jessie's Girl. _

"Stop playing that fuckin' song," I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Music off. Flute voice on. "I like it and felt it was very apropos given the state of things."

_Apropos_. Annoying word from an annoying girl. "Why?"

"Have you ever listened to the lyrics?"

No. It would be as important to me as listening to her. "Just keep the noise down. I have a headache."

My head had been killing me for two weeks. I was irritated as all fuck every second of the day. The only time I even tried to be human was with Bella, but I was failing at that, too. It was the smoking thing. I quit, and it sucked. Add up how bad I needed to get laid, and I was in a near constant state of pissed off.

My brain wasn't working. My dick was begging me to move shit along. Nothing I said was right. I was punching at Bella because she was the only one who could fix my problem, and she wouldn't. My heart was pleading with me to be nice, but I couldn't hear it over the madness in my head. And I was starting to get calluses from beating off so much. Basically, my life was shit.

Alice winked at me and went right back to what she was doing. Music up. Kazoo blowing. A loud screaming in my head.

And then it was gone. A shadow passed over me. Rose. Thank God.

She quieted Alice by sending her down to Emmett's along with the stupid cat that wouldn't shut up. In under a minute, Rosalie had given me the second best gift possible. Quiet. If she weren't my cousin, I would beg and plead for the first.

"It's your own fault she's like that," Rose said when she crouched down next to me. "You spoil her."

She was right, of course. I did spoil Alice. It was about making me feel better. I couldn't force myself to care about her, and this was my way of making up for it. For the most part, she stayed out of my way. Rose put up with her.

There was one thing my cousin refused to do and that was give up on Alice. She saw good in the girl. All I saw was an overdose waiting to happen and a girl who still wanted to play with my dick.

Being around Emmett again had fixed some of her shit. Rose and I both needed that to happen. Alice was getting too sensitive. One wrong word on the wrong day would set her off. The last time she ended up with a wrecked Porsche and three days in the hospital. She was especially sensitive about anything having to do with Bella.

"I'll start encouraging her to spend time at Emmett and Edward's house. You need a break," Rose observed.

I did need a break. If it weren't for the work going on at my other house, I would be staying there. The updated kitchen and remodeled master bath weren't even for me. They were for Bella, not that she would ever see them.

Rose raised the back of her hand up and felt my forehead. "Did you take something?"

She knew I wouldn't. Painkillers were my close friends for too long. I was not going down that road again. "No."

"You should go lie down in your room. It's quieter."

She stuck her hand out for my phone. It wasn't a request. It was an order, one I gladly followed. I could trust her to wake me up if the call came in. She knew what I was waiting for. There was finally a lead on my mom.

I woke up several hours later to the sound of deep laughter. When I walked in the living room, I found Edward, Emmett, and Laurent. I had forgotten about them coming over tonight for the birthday thing. It was mainly to give the girls time to spend together. They were the only ones who made a big deal out of this crap.

"How long have ya'll been here?"

The birthday boy spoke up. "A few hours. We were just about to meet up back at the other house."

That was all I needed. All these people in one room. Not enough beer in the world could make this okay. A pissed off Bella only made it worse. This night was gonna suck.

And it did. I walked into the kitchen first thing and grabbed a beer. Bella was three feet from me. I avoided looking at her. I needed her eyes to tell me she loved me, and I knew I wasn't going to get it. I would never get it. Ever.

I sat down somewhere out of the way. It wasn't long before Alice ended up next to me. She was being quiet for a change. I knew it was an apology. Rose must have talked to her.

Laughter and talking went on around me. I barely listened. I was too busy watching Bella smile at Laurent. Then she walked out of the kitchen holding his fuckin' hand. They sat on the couch together and were so close her leg was pressed up against his. With six feet of space, why was she practically sitting in his lap?

His hand resting on her thigh was not okay. The whispers exchanged between them only made it worse. When he sneaked a peek down her shirt, I was tempted to get up and kick his ass. Laurent knew it, too. That smug fuckin' smile on his face told the whole story. My screw up the other night sent her right back to him.

Bella's stared back at me and gave me nothing. I would give that girl the world if I could, and she would send it back to me with a politely written note of refusal. She could at least stick a knife in my heart and call it done. Nothing I offered was worth shit to her. She dangled forever in front of me just to see me dance. I was starting to hate her as much as I loved her.

_Slip-on shoes? _Were these people really talking about shoes and women? Dumbest fuckin' thing I heard in years.

Laurent. "One of us thinks that because shoes come in all sizes that you have to try on several pairs to get the right fit. Women are the same way. We don't know which ones will fit until we try them on first."

My cousin advertised how much he liked pussy, and Bella just sat there with a big grin on her face. Why did he get a free pass when I got judgment? It was bullshit. I hadn't got my dick wet in three years. My cousin couldn't even count high enough to add up his girls.

Emmett. "One of us disagreed. That person said that you know your size and can find the right shoe without going through most of the rest."

He was a shit load smarter than people ever gave him credit for. He and Rose were going to have a great life together. It was disgusting as all hell. I would get to watch from the sidelines while they played with their kids and were blissfully happy. I would never have any of that. No kids. No wife. Nothing. Bella would never give me a chance, and I didn't want a life with anyone else.

The nice guy in my head said that shit wasn't true, but I ignored him. Tonight, I didn't believe I had a shot in hell. There was no love, no friendship, and no sign of it ever changing.

Edward. "Someone else felt you could make an educated decision after trying on just a few pairs. The shitty thing is when the store is out of your size, and you have to be patient until it comes in."

Store. Patient. That was easy to interpret. Edward was trying to find the perfect woman who would meet Carlisle's standards. The man would only be happy with an Esme clone. Edward should just give up now. No one could measure up to that woman. Well, Bella could, but he knew better than to go after my girl. A healthy sense of self-preservation would keep his dick in check and his mind on other girls.

The room got quiet. Ah, shit. They all expected me to say something. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? They really didn't want to hear what I thought. It wasn't good, and some opinions were better left unsaid. This was one of them. Or was it?

Shoes, sex, and women. I had to do it. I had to slap at them. It would make me feel better, and I needed to feel better.

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and gave myself time to think. It wasn't hard. Being a dick was easy. A person just had to commit to hurting feelings. I could do that. It was what I was good at.

"I think the whole thing is fuckin' stupid. Picking out the right woman is a hell of a lot harder than picking out shoes."

"Shoes don't change their mind." _Bella. _

"Shoes don't talk back." _Rose. _

"Shoes don't tell you that you can't wear them." _Bella._

"But like a woman, a shoe doesn't care who's wearing it." _Alice_.

I walked the room and took in all the idiots. They thought I was talking about Bella. It figured. They were dumb like that.

"You can go buy any pair of shoes." _And Alice often did._

"Hell, you can buy a woman, too." _Maria and Victoria_.

"But they never feel as good as the one you really want but can't have." _Bella._

No one ever said shit to me about anything I said or did. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting there wanting to staple my lips shut, but that wouldn't happen. Alice was looking at me like a cult member. The red head Edward was busy not fucking was starting to figure out I was an asshole. She was a little late to the party. Women usually were.

Then there was Laurent. He wasn't feeling much of anything except Bella's leg. The lone mystery meat was Edward. Why the fuck was he so happy? Something was up with him.

The brain in my pants had to make a comment about preferring a snug fit. I didn't blame him. Celibacy sucked, and he was pissed at me for forcing it on him.

It was time for me to leave. I saw Bella lean in closer to Laurent. I was going to walk out this door, and he was going to comfort her by rubbing shoulders that belonged to me and whispering in an ear that should only hear my voice. I hated him, but I hated me more.

Bella deserved better than what I gave her, but I was still going to hurt her again. It was my answer to everything. Hurt Bella and then run for the hills. So, I did. It was easier than it should have been. It always was.

"It's convenient that shoes come in pairs. That way two guys can wear one, and the shoe doesn't think it has to make up its fuckin' mind. It must be nice to be a shoe, but a split pair is pretty damned useless if you ask me."

Bella was a useless pair of shoes, and I was an asshole. If I were feet, we could make this work, but I wasn't. I was just Jasper.

* * * * * *

**Next Morning.**

Rosalie found me sitting in the laundry room. I liked laundry rooms. Back home, my family always stayed out of them. Here it was usually the same. Rose and Alice sure as shit didn't do their own laundry. The maid did it. What the hell was wrong with them? I did my own laundry. I also cleaned my own room like a good boy.

A maid. That shit was ridiculous. It was also done. I let Bree go this morning. She could take her crazy emo crying bullshit down the block and steal someone else's socks. Rose and Alice would just have to deal with it.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked.

"I'm counting Cheerios."

I was. I had a bowl, a box, and a number. I was at 3175 and only half done.

She reached in and stole a handful of my cereal. "Why?" she asked while she chewed.

"You know I counted those on the floor, right?"

The chewing slowed. "That's not funny."

I passed the bowl to her and tried not to laugh. "Baby, I really did. Please, spit that out."

My Rose was not a happy flower. She made a face before spitting out the cereal. "I hate you sometimes."

"Well, I love you all the time. Now, come sit by me."

She dropped to the floor next to me and got me back for the Cheerios by talking about the subject I wanted to avoid. "So, Bella is a useless pair of shoes. Were you trying to make her cry?"

I hated when she cried. The sick feeling it gave me stuck around for hours. "Did I?"

"Don't feel bad. Laurent fixed it. He had her back to laughing in just a few minutes."

Big deal. Bella laughed at the stupidest shit sometimes. "And?"

Rose shrugged. "He told me the rules you gave him. They can talk. They can spend time together, but he can't touch her."

Yeah, I had rules. What was her point? "Can you find the sharp end of the pencil?"

"Bella, doesn't have rules. She does what she wants, and Laurent is easier to deal with than you are. He makes her laugh instead of cry."

No shit. She had more reasons not to be with me than reasons she should. Love didn't matter.

"If you keep treating her like you do, she'll never want to be with you. Are you trying to be just like your granddad?"

My grandfather once told me women were replaceable. He said that one was just as good as another. He was a fuckin' liar. My grandmother led him around by his dick. She was the one person in the world who could keep him in line. They fought against each other for ten years before he worked out a plan to win her over. I didn't want to have to resort to kidnapping to get the girl. I would do it, but I shouldn't have to.

If Bella loved me, she would want to be with me. It should be simple, but it wasn't. She wanted to go slow. What did that mean anyway? I was damned sure not going to settle for talking for weeks on end, and it had already been three years. How much more time could she need?

I never asked for help, but I was going to. I had to. "What should I do, Rose?"

Of all the people in my life, the one person I could count on to be in my corner at all times was her. We had a bad patch that started right before Bella moved to Forks. I was an ass. Rose started getting tired of my shit, but she never gave up on me.

For three years, she stood at my side helping me and encouraging me. We didn't talk much. We never really needed to. Rosalie understood parts of me no one else ever would. If anyone could help me figure this shit out, it was her.

"Give her some space, Jasper. The shit you do doesn't inspire love. It inspires a restraining order."

Give her space. I could do that. No classes. I could date around a little. It would make it look like I wasn't completely obsessed with Bella, which I was. Obsession was half my problem. All I saw was her. I knew it wasn't the way things were supposed to work. Besides, there were tons of women in this world. Could I find another one that made me feel good? Was it possible? And if Bella saw, would it help her come around?

* * * * * *

**Present Day.**

My week was shit. I tried talking to some different girls hoping it would break Bella's hold on me. It didn't. I tried taking a few of them out. They hung on me like rags. I hated it. The one earlier today was the worst. I met her at Alice's pilates class. She made a dark room look bright. When she said she needed a book, the asshole inside of me knew the perfect place to take her. She made me look stupid in front of Bella, which I deserved, and I got pissed about it and took it out on Bella. It was like a shovel was permanently attached to my hands, and I kept digging a bigger hole around me.

I drank down another shot and glared across the room at my girl. She looked as unhappy as me. Good. It served her right. I wanted her to be miserable. It matched how I felt exactly.

And her being with my cousin was un-fucking-acceptable. They were hiding it, but Edward told me the truth. Strength training my ass. My cousin just wanted an excuse to watch her sweat and groan every morning.

_Laurent. _

He was wasting his time. She wouldn't give him shit. No love. No acceptance. Nothing. Hell, I didn't think she could. That girl was bolted shut. She didn't feel anything.

_Not true._

I knew what this was. It was her playing another stupid, fucked up game to push me away again. She didn't want commitment. Fine. She wouldn't get it. All week long, I gave her what she wanted. Nothing. All it did was piss her off more. This girl was never happy with anything, except for my cousin.

_Laurent._

I met his eyes over the table and thought about breaking a bottle over his head. We had always been competitive, but he knew Bella was off limits. So, why the fuck was he messing with her?

_It's the first time he can have something I want. Fucking bastard._

"What?" he asked.

_Yeah, play innocent. Piece of shit._

I got him his job. I paid for his car. I helped him pack up his shit. And this was how he repaid me. Ungrateful. I should just kick his ass. Me fuckin' up his arm obviously didn't send a good enough message. Hell, it probably just pushed her right back at him. She was always a soft touch. I should know. I used it against her enough in the past.

"Jasper?"

He was getting worried. Fighting didn't scare him. It was the other shit he knew I could do to him. I tried real hard not to be the string pulling prick from my past, but he was making it real hard. Killing him in public was not good either.

I shook off my rage and turned my eyes back to Bella. The waitress handed her a fresh drink and a note. She then pointed at the bar. I followed her hand. Some random drunk. Good luck, asshole. He didn't have a shot in hell.

I watched Bella unfold the note and then grab a pen. My eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. _What the fuck?_

She called the waitress back over and gave her the note. This was just her lashing out. Bella wouldn't give some stranger the time of day. She was a good girl. She was my girl. She didn't do shit like that.

The note didn't come back. Thank God.

Someone bumped my shoulder. Emmett. He tried to knock me over as he moved around me to leave for the restroom. It was just another sign of how pissed he was at me. He hadn't so much as talked to me since his and Bella's birthday. Hell, I wasn't talking to anyone either.

My favorite chocolate eyes met mine. I should just go to her. We could work our problems out. I would give her all the time in the world, and I would stop being a selfish ass. We could make this work. It would be easy if I stopped acting like an idiot and if she stopped being a brat. Her expression gave me a different answer. I was screwed. She was angry and hurt. I had no chance. None.

Hopeless. I had messed up too bad. The thought left a second later. I watched in disbelief as Bella walked over to the bar and sat down next to the stranger. He made her laugh. It was my laugh. He made her smile. It was my smile. She was giving him the pieces of her that belonged to me.

I didn't even see him. All I saw was Bella. Her face was brighter, and her eyes were playful. There was the girl I loved, the one who owned my soul. The one I wanted to break because it would make her just as twisted up as me.

_Because that'll win her over. _Win her over. That would never happen with this attitude. I had to be better, or I needed to let her go. I knew what my problem was. It was simple.

I was the biggest ass on the planet. I had been hurting her because I was a blind, stupid fuck who was impatient as all hell. Jealous. Pissed off. Disappointed. Frustrated. Pushy. Demanding. Obsessed. All of it was me, and I was an asshole.

Mystery man wasn't. He was nice. He made her smile. Who the fuck was this guy that she was showing him pieces of her that belonged to me? That was my smile, on my lips, with my voice sounding out words I should be listening to. The only good thing was that their conversation wasn't long.

We were all leaving now. I was sitting in the passenger seat of Edward's car. Victoria, Laurent, and Alice were in the backseat. It was a short ride. My mind was on Bella. I should have paid closer attention to what was said. Shit was not good.

I walked down to my house alone. The girls had plans.

I was alone for no more than five minutes when my front door was thrown open. Emmett. Rage. Two things I hadn't seen since the night I lied about fuckin' Bella.

"You hired people to hunt my sister."

Alice. I should have seen this coming.

I wasn't going to deny what I did. Why should I? It wasn't wrong. "You wouldn't help me. I did what I needed to do."

Edward spoke. I hadn't even noticed him and Victoria. "He's crazy, Emmett. He's probably been stalking her for years."

I kicked the coffee table away from me and stood up. "I keep an eye on her. Big deal. Where the hell were you two when she got hurt? How could you help her if she needed you? I was always there, even if she didn't know it."

Was it healthy or normal? No. It fuckin' wasn't, but I was protecting what was mine. Anyone who didn't like it could kiss my ass.

Three years without Bella. Three years of waiting for her to move here with her brother. I wanted her strong. If we were going to be together, it wasn't going to be like last time. No taking advantage of her weakness. I wanted her to know what she was getting into this time. Being around her family gave her stability. It strengthened her.

I had checked on her every few weeks. Her dorm sucked freshman year. It was upgraded the second semester. The roommate sophomore year was a scary bitch, but the one I got rid of first was worse. The people in the office liked my money. I liked that they could be bought.

All of her medical crises aged me ten years. Her stitches. The concussion. The worst was the surgery on her wrist sophomore year. Fuck. That shit nearly killed me. I sat by her bed until Esme showed up. Bella never even knew I was there. I _had_ to be there. My life was lying in that bed.

The worst part. Freshman year. Mike Newton. He fucked my girl. I fucked up his face. He didn't know what it was for. I didn't care. Did it matter that he seemed nice? No, I still beat his ass. I wanted to break his arms and legs, but hell, even I had my limits. So, I settled for a couple of fingers.

I was happy when she left Washington but not so happy when I figured out how she was getting to Texas. If she thought she was going to drive across country on her own, she was out of her damned mind. Hitchhikers, murderers, flat tires, crazy old people. I wasn't about to let any of that shit happen. I kept my eyes on her from a distance. If further proof was needed that the girl didn't need to be on her own, it was found in the fact that her blind ass never did see me. Typical Bella.

A casual observer would call me obsessed. They would be right and wrong. I didn't mean her any harm. My days weren't filled with following her around. My nights weren't comprised of silent phone calls. I didn't have a shrine of pictures on my wall. Hell, I didn't even have a picture. All I had was my heart, and fuck all if I was going to let it float out in the world without checking on it.

Emmett got in my face. "Stay away from her."

My answer was simple. "No."

He wanted to kick my ass. I was kinda hoping he would at least hit me once. Bella would be pissed. Bad for him. Good for me. And it wasn't like I hadn't been hit before and often.

Edward stepped between us. He knew what I was thinking. "Let's just go home, Emmett."

The big guy ignored him. "I'm serious, Jasper. I don't want you looking at her, talking to her, or touching her. Stay away."

I had to get him to hit me. It would make my life so much easier. "I'll remember that when she's moaning my name."

I got the punch I wanted, and it hurt like a bitch. Edward and Victoria grabbed on to Emmett and tried pulling him back from me.

Ordinarily, I would be fighting back. I liked to fight, and I needed a good one. But I also needed to look like the victim. It would get the panties to drop and my girl on my dick.

Big Brother Bear must have realized his mistake. He backed off and warned me again before leaving with Victoria.

Why the fuck was she here anyway? I didn't like this girl. It was the money thing. She liked it, and she didn't have it. I saw it the night I was pushing the cash at Bella. Victoria sparkled just a little too much. I saw it again when she gave me an encouraging smile and wiggled her ass in front of me. I took a pass. Girls like her were eighteen years of child support waiting to happen. Edward knew it, too, which was why she wouldn't last more than a few months. Carlisle not approving of her made that a certainty.

I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen peas for my face. "Why are you still here?" I asked Edward.

I was not a fan of him either. If he was drinking, he wasn't such an annoying ass. It was the pretending that bugged me. I liked him a shitload better when he was acting like himself instead of a mini-Carlisle. I didn't even know this Edward. The confidence was a little unnerving, and right now, he was very confident. Over what, I had no clue.

"What would it take to get you to leave her alone?" he asked.

Was he serious? "Not a damn thing."

Edward crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a counter. "What if she didn't want _you_? Would you listen?"

Something about his question struck me as being off. His tone wasn't questioning. He was _telling_ me something, not asking. The cocky smile added to the picture, a picture I didn't understand.

"Come on, Jasper," he taunted. "You're smarter than this."

What had he been doing lately? A few things slowly started hitting me. The bar. The brunette he kept pushing at me. Had he set me up the night of the dinner? Was it all to get me in trouble with Bella? Was it to make me look worse in Esme and Carlisle's eyes? I knew the doc hated me. So, what would be the point of making it worse? Unless Edward wanted to show them I hadn't changed.

Other things came together. He was the one telling me shit about Laurent and Bella. Alice kept playing that stupid song. Then there was how happy Edward looked when I was being a jerk at the birthday thing. What was it he said that night? I knew Victoria was all pissed about it. His three month lease pouted like Alice when I cut her allowance.

Store. Patience. Out of his size. The store was out of his size because I already bought it. He wanted my shoes. He wanted My Bella.

It didn't even register right that he might want her. Shit didn't make sense. Why hadn't he made a move before I showed up? When did I ever see him with her? I rarely saw them talk or interact. His eyes didn't say love when he looked at her. I knew what motivated him in life. He was all about making Carlisle happy.

Edward smiled when he saw I was starting to figure it all out. He was laying his cards on the table hoping I would kick his ass and give Bella another reason to hate me. What a noble sacrifice. It wasn't going to work, but I had to admire his dedication.

I tossed the peas down onto the counter. I didn't know what to do with this smug bastard. I couldn't hurt him. Bella would get pissed, and it would only help his cause. I couldn't ignore the threat he presented, even when I knew it wasn't much. Bella would never love him. It just wouldn't happen. So, what was his game? I had to ask.

"Do you even love her, Edward? Or is this about saving her from me to impress your daddy?"

-

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**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Flormi. Thanks for the present. I loved it.**

**The next chapter will return to Bella's POV. I know people were wanting the Bella/Jasper storyline to move ahead with this chapter, but that isn't what Jasper POVs are about. They are about changing the picture a little.  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**

*****Just a head's up. The next chapter will be posted on Sunday rather than Saturday. After that, I will be putting the story on a three week hiatus to allow for a family vacation. After this Sunday's update, the next chapter should post on July 25th. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 16 - Finally

I always liked those movies where the characters made a big decision about being with someone and then music played in the background while they made their way to the object of their affection. It was a shame shit like that didn't happen in real life. I wanted Stevie Wonder providing the soundtrack to my stroll down the street.

Yes, Mr. Wonder, Jasper did set my soul on fire. He was also my only desire. I wasn't exactly signed, sealed, or delivered. That would take a mail truck and some postage. I was currently out of stamps and had an unreasonable fear of conveyor belts, which meant my man would have to settle for me knocking on his door.

Knocking didn't work. I waited and waited some more. No one answered. The lights were on in the house, which told me he was still up. So, why wouldn't he answer the door? I tried the knob, and it twisted under my hand. It wasn't like he would kick me out.

Wait. He did do that once. Jerk.

I stepped into the house, and what I saw left me shocked. It was torn apart. Damaged furniture, books, pictures, and dishes littered the floor. A quick survey of the living room told me where my man was. He was lying on the floor.

It scared the hell out of me. My heart dropped straight out of my chest. Was he dead?

No, he wasn't dead. He was pissed. "Go the fuck away. I don't care who you are or what you want. Just leave."

I sat down next to him. "What happened to your house, and why do you have a bag of carrots on your face? You don't even like carrots."

He sat up quickly, and the bag fell to the floor. "Bella?"

We were both shocked. He wasn't expecting me, and I wasn't expecting the bruise that was forming just under his eye. "What happened?"

Jasper was in some kind of daze. I looked around and found the reason. A bottle of whiskey was sitting on the coffee table.

"Did you get drunk, tear up your house, and then fall down?"

"No."

His eyes wandered down to my robe. He reached over and fingered the fabric. "You're really here."

"Yes, I'm really here. Now, what happened to your face?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. If someone hit you, I want to know about it."

When I reached a hand out to touch his cheek, he caught it and began inspecting it closely. I had no clue what was going on in his mind. The gentle touch seemed to belie his innermost feelings. He traced the fine lines on my palm and smiled over something.

So many things were running at full speed through my mind, but I couldn't get any of my thoughts to turn into words. It got worse when Jasper lifted a finger up to my neck and trailed it down to my collar bone as his eyes followed the line. It was like being touched by an angel. Roma Downey would have been proud of this man.

"Why are you here?" Jasper asked.

The truth wouldn't come out. I tried to say the words, but my lips refused to cooperate. I settled for something else. "I came to tell you how mad I am at you, but that I understand why you've been such a jerk."

My man started yammering. "You understand, huh? I stopped smoking. Your shorts are too short. The strings on your sweatpants talk to me. I feel like a yo-yo. All I can think about is what I want you to do with your mouth. I have an idea about something we can do in a tree, but it'll take balance, which you don't have. All total, everything is your fault."

"This is my fault? That is hardly fair."

He just shrugged my words off.

I picked up the bag of carrots. They were still pretty cold. "You should have used peas."

"I did. They got warm."

"If your face is done with these, you might consider using this on your lower extremities. If you're imagining us in trees, I would say you need it."

Jasper all but snarled at me. "Lie down with me, and I won't need the carrots."

It sounded good to me. Talking was way overrated. We could do that later.

_Ahh._ What was I thinking? No. No. No. No. No.

I rose to my feet and started wandering around the damaged room letting it take over my attention. I had always known he had problems with his temper, but this was something else entirely. I didn't know what to think of this level of destruction. There was something truly frightening about it.

I wanted to ask him more about it but knew it was a question that would go unanswered. There were things you pushed with Jasper and things you didn't. I knew this, and it was why we got along so well.

His watchful gaze followed my every step. It was unnerving how much attention he paid to any little movement I made.

"Who knows you're here?" his quiet voice asked.

Not enough people. "Rose."

"Edward and Emmett didn't talk to you?"

"I pretended to be asleep. I wanted to see you, and I didn't want anything they said to change what I wanted to say to you. So, I sneaked out."

Trust him to latch on to the important part. "What did you want to say to me?"

_I love you._ I wasn't telling him that. "Have you ever been in maze?"

"You came over here to ask me that?" He stood up. "Only you."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Answer the question."

"I've never been in a maze. Why?"

I ran a finger over the different surfaces I passed as I roamed throughout the room. "My mom took me to a cornfield maze when I was fifteen. I swear I took a hundred wrong turns and never once found the middle."

"How did you get out?"

"I always ended up right back at the start."

Jasper's lips twitched into a small smile. "You would."

"I think I stepped into a maze when I moved to Forks. I never find the middle, and every time I end up back at the start, you're the one waiting to take me through to the end."

I glanced over at him and found him staring at the belt on my robe. "Are you even listening to me?"

Jasper stepped close and tugged on the end of the belt. "I'm too busy thinking about what you're wearing under this."

Unbelievable. "Is it always sex with you?"

"Here lately, yeah."

Well, he was going to be disappointed. My nightgown was a plain Jane cotton gown that reached my knees. It wasn't sexy in the least.

He untied the belt and pushed the fabric to the side. "I think we can come to a compromise," he offered.

"About what?"

"Us." He lifted my robe off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor."

The smile that always made my pulse dance played on his lips. A familiar feeling started in the pit of my stomach.

I took a deep breath and tried to get my mind back. The alcohol from earlier hadn't made me feel this good, and I wanted to feel so much better. "Jasper, we really need to talk about things."

"Hmm. Yeah, I agree. But you never really say anything, and I'm too focused on sex."

Come again. "I say things."

One of his fingers ran along the neckline of my nightgown. "No, you don't. You dance around what you really feel instead of just saying it."

"You do the same thing."

"You're right. I'll offer a trade. I'll tell you what I feel, and then you tell me what you feel."

This had potential. "Go ahead."

"Bella, I really, really want to have sex with you. Right now."

This could not possibly be where his head was. I headed for the door, but he followed quickly behind me and slammed a hand against the wood.

He stepped in close to me and leaned down. "Whoa, angel. You need to invest in Nike. All you do is run."

"When it involves you, it's not running. It's making an escape."

"Bullshit. This whole time you've been running from you, not me. And all you do is go in circles. When you decide to get off the merry-go-round, we can finally make some progress."

I stared up at him with hostile eyes. "When you decide to think with your brain instead of your dick, maybe we can have a conversation."

"You come to my house at one in the morning wearing a robe and a gown and expect me to not think about sex. That's bullshit."

I wish he had just gone along with my stupid plan the night I stayed at his house after we went to the lake. It may have been a bad plan on my part, but I was relaxed and free of the worry that accompanied the subject.

The honest truth was that I was not good at sex. I failed epically at sex. The thought of disappointing him made me want to cry.

Of course, Jasper didn't miss a thing. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine. Whatever."

He walked over and snatched up the bottle of whiskey before disappearing down the hall to his bedroom. If I was honest, I couldn't really blame him for leaving. I did run around in circles. I had to stop doing that. It wasn't getting us anywhere.

I found him sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. He smiled lazily up at me and patted a spot on the floor next to him. "Come here, angel."

Us drinking. What a stupid plan. I was probably a new breed of dumb to agree to it, but I did. I sat down next to him and took a swig before handing the bottle off to Jasper.

I relaxed onto the floor and stared up at the ceiling. It was tall. While I was admiring that, Jasper crawled over to his dresser and picked up something. He flicked it at me, and my strangely nimble fingers caught it.

"I bought you a cow. It's gray."

Only he would do that. I examined the picture. There were actually three cows, and each had a different colored bow around their neck.

"Why three?" I asked when he moved to where he was lying next to me.

"I knew you would worry about one getting lonely, and two felt wrong for some reason. I like three. It's a good number."

I could feel laughter coming on. Who in the world bought a cow as a gift for someone? The man lived in his own personal fantasyland. Nothing was impossible for him. "Thank you for the cows."

Jasper turned on his side and ran a finger along my neck. "I like you better when you aren't so high and mighty. You belong down here with the mortals, Bella. We have more fun."

I watched with curious eyes as he untied the ribbon on my gown. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you get more comfortable."

I grabbed his hand and pushed it away. "I should tell you I'm not any good at this. Sex and I don't get along. You'll have buyer's remorse or something and then be stuck with me."

He started laughing. "Where do you get the strange shit in your head?"

"It's not funny."

"So, tell me what your problem is. I bet I can fix it."

I had no doubt he was more than willing to try. "I know in theory that sex is supposed to be easy and fun, but I don't like it. It hurts, and it's awkward. I'll cry, and you'll get mad."

Jasper ran a hand along my side and moved in closer to me again. "I won't get mad, and your problem is all in your head."

When he started kissing along my neck, I started to think he might be right. When I was caught up in the moment, I never got scared. So, why was I nervous about it again? I remembered when his hand moved to cup my breast, and I tried to block him with my arm. I was ten degrees of self-conscious.

"Just relax, Bella. You're over-thinking it."

He was right. This was why I failed. "I should just get a blue handicapped sign tattooed on my butt. It would serve as fair warning."

"Or it'll make people think you offer special parking," he joked.

"Yeah, go ahead and make jokes about my sexual dysfunction. Laugh it up."

"Your parts work fine. It's your brain that needs help, and you should laugh at sex. It's funny."

"How is it funny?"

"Well, the parts aren't exactly pretty. Yours are but mine not so much."

"Are you really complaining that your penis isn't pretty?" I giggled. "And here I always thought you had such a high opinion of yourself."

"I only have a high opinion of you."

We were going from joking to serious. It was just like us.

"Why did you come here tonight?" Jasper asked in a pleading voice. He was so desperate for something. Hell, anything would make him happy. I gave him so little.

I hated how much I cut myself off from him. My plan when I came here was to tell him how I felt, and I didn't do it. I was still keeping us from making any progress. He deserved better. We both did.

I sat up and forced myself to speak. "I figured some stuff out tonight. I kept thinking you needed to choose the good parts of you so we could be together. That's not true. I just have to accept whoever you are. The good and the bad."

"There's a lot of bad. You might change your mind about what you're willing to accept."

I knew there was a lot. I had only seen hints of the other side to him, but I knew it was there peeking out from behind the person I loved. "It's all you, Jasper. I don't know everything about you, but it's okay. I still want to be with you."

He sat up and took my hands in his. "I figured out something, too. I can't keep pushing you. I've been letting what I want get in the way of what you're ready for. I'm sorry. Hell, I was even doing it a minute ago."

Were we having an adult conversation? I didn't know that was possible for us. It got even better when he made a confession.

"I haven't been doing anything with those girls. I swear. It was just me being stupid."

I understood that better than I wanted to. "I shouldn't have used Laurent to put distance between us when you first showed up. I was being stupid, too."

It got quiet again after that. I ducked my head and smiled. This was nice. I couldn't remember the last time we had a conversation like this. In fact, I didn't think we ever had.

Then, Jasper said something that made no sense. "I love your legs. I never told you that before."

I couldn't figure out why. There wasn't anything special about them. I thought they were rather gangly. "You can't even see them most the time."

He closed his eyes and ran a finger down my left calf. "I don't need to see them. You have a scar right here." His other hand moved to my right knee. "And you have another one right here."

"I didn't know you paid such close attention."

"I pay attention to everything about you. You move your lips when you read. You hum while you're cooking. You're right handed, but throw things at me with your left hand. You hate having your feet on the floor when you're sitting. You fold them up underneath you or sit with them pulled up in front of you."

Jasper looked very proud of himself. I had to respond. "You hate when your food touches, but you're not picky about what you eat. You whistle all the time and never even notice. When we're alone, your accent comes out more. I hardly hear it when we're around other people. And the toothpick thing you do. It drives me wild."

"Toothpick thing?" he laughed. "Your legs drive me wild. They were the first things I noticed about you."

I knew that wasn't true. "The first time you saw me, I was sitting at a table."

"No, you weren't. You were outside of a gas station bending over to pick up a newspaper you dropped. You had on a black t-shirt and cutoff shorts. It was a week before school started."

I was stunned. Why did I not know this?

Jasper wasn't finished with the revelations. "A few days later, I saw you shopping in Port Angeles. You had on a blue t-shirt and faded jeans. You tripped when you came out of a store."

He smiled at something he was remembering. "What?" I asked.

"I kicked someone's ass for laughing at you when you tripped."

"You did not."

"I did, too. Then I followed you around for a while. I liked the way you smiled. You were the first person in years that made me feel happy."

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of that?"

Jasper lifted a lock of my hair and held it to his nose breathing in deeply. "I figured you would think it was weird that I followed you."

If it were anyone else, I would have, but he was different. "I don't think it's weird. I think it's sweet."

His expression turned thoughtful. "There's something I should tell you."

"I have something to tell you, too."

The gentleman in him offered to let me go first. "I'm listening."

I suddenly felt very nervous. I could do this. I could say what I felt. It should be easy. It wasn't. All my thoughts became cluttered in my head. None of them sounded good. I didn't want to look like an idiot or mess this up.

My sweet man picked up on my nervousness and gave me an out. "We don't have to say anymore tonight. Whatever it is can wait. Let's just go to bed."

So, we did. It wasn't like that night after the lake at all. There was zero awkwardness. The only issue was that once we hit the sheets neither of us were tired.

I was sitting up in bed facing him. This was so much like the way we used to be. He wasn't pushing me to do anything, and I wasn't feeling all out of sorts. I liked it.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" I asked.

"Spend time with you. It's all I ever want to do."

"You'll get tired of me eventually."

He stared into my eyes. "I could spend forever with you."

I looked down at where his hands covered mine. "Forever is a long time. You might change your mind. I can be pretty annoying."

"You can be," he agreed. "I hate how you fidget all the time."

I did do that. Dang it. "I hate when you don't listen to me."

"When we were in Forks, I hated how you always used most of the hot water before I ever got in the shower."

I laughed. "I hated how fast you drove my car."

"I like when you laugh."

It was easy to come up with something. I liked most everything about him. "I like that devilish smile you get on your face."

He reached up and tugged on my hair. "I like when you leave your hair down."

"I like the way you force me to be honest."

Jasper sat up and kissed me softly. "Shouldn't we do that now?"

"Yes."

"Then I should just tell you I love you."

My heart stopped. I must have died in Texas and found heaven. Jasper loved me. He loved me. It was all I ever wanted to hear, and it made me start crying. So much time had passed since we were really together. Neither of us ever lost any of those feelings we shared. How was that even possible?

His hands moved up to cradle my face. With a shaky touch, he brushed my tears away. "No tears."

I smiled. "I wanted to say it first."

"You did," he confessed. "You said it every night in your sleep when you stayed with me. I used to wait until I heard it before I could go to sleep."

My next words came out in a rush. "I never stopped loving you. I can't even remember a time when I didn't. It's always been there. You and me. Together. I love you more than anything in the world, and I never want to spend another day apart from you. I can't. I have to be with you. I love you, Jasper."

Stunned silence. He had nothing. All he did was stare at me like I just grew feathers. It was a loud silence. I could hear so many things. His breathing. The pitter-patter of rain outside. A distant rumble of thunder. A light scratching noise I couldn't identify. It was all overwhelming the quiet, which was good.

Finally, he spoke. "Say that again."

"I love you."

Jasper's glittering eyes told me he was going to kiss me. It started with him touching my face. His fingers grazed over my features with reverence, and his eyes followed the trails with love. He whispered my name and pressed his lips to mine.

The kiss was soft and hesitant. It was as if he were afraid that too much would make me disappear or break. I felt the same way, but I was also scared that this night was just one of many dreams I had had over the years.

I wasn't surprised when he abruptly backed away and gave me my space. "Bella, I'm trying to be good. Really, really good. But it's been so damn long, and I want to touch you so bad. If I do that, I don't think I can stop."

This was when everything came together for me. I didn't want him to stop ever again. "Then you shouldn't."

I reached up and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck pulling him forward into a hard kiss. It was dizzying. The taste of him. The urgent way he took control and was now pushing me along with him. I needed this. The ache inside me was so painful and was only letting up as I stumbled along with him into a beautiful dream.

Jasper was everywhere. His hands roamed over my body teasing me with their soft touch. When his warm breath hit my neck, I shivered.

He kissed a trail up to my ear. "God, I've wanted you so bad."

The words rang in my ears, and he caught my mouth again with his own. I was too lost to care about the ramifications this would have after tonight. Tomorrow didn't even exist in my head.

Instead, my mind focused on the little things. I enjoyed the gentle touch of his fingers as they trailed over my body. The softness of his lips was a promise for later. The stubble on his face scratched at my skin, but I didn't care. Hell, I even liked it. All of it was him, and he was finally going to be mine.

With sure hands, he started pushing up on my nightgown. When one of his hands moved to my hip, awareness flashed in his eyes as he realized I wasn't wearing anything else. I bit my lip as he moved in closer to me and ran his hand along my back side.

In the minutes that followed, I somehow found myself lying on top of him. I broke our kiss and sat up. My knees were on either side of his waist, and I squirmed against him as he massaged his hands over my thighs. I pulled my nightgown off and tossed it to the side.

Nothing mattered but the pure blissful feel of him. All I saw, felt, or heard was him. There was no world. There was just Jasper. I leaned my body forward to get closer to him, and we both groaned from the easy friction between us. Oh, this was nice. I did it again, and it got even better. I rested my hands on his shoulders and moved some more.

Jasper raised a hand up and let his fingers linger over the contours of my face. "You're so beautiful."

I couldn't agree. He was the beautiful one. I moved up to kiss him, and he slipped inside me slightly. Both of us stopped breathing. Jasper clinched his eyes closed and gripped my hips. All I could think was that this didn't feel bad at all. Maybe I wasn't defective.

I sank down a little and watched his expression turn pained. My fingers tightened on his shoulders as I moved back up and then lowered myself a little further down on him. I could definitely do this.

Jasper, however, couldn't. Impatience took over, and he flipped us so he was on top.

"Are sure you want this, Bella?"

I knew this was about him feeling bad about pressuring me before. "I'm sure."

He stopped long enough to reach over to the nightstand and search for something.

_Stupid, Bella. A condom. Thank God._ The rip of the packet rang in my ears, and I jerked my eyes up to his. My heart beat faster with anticipation. It added to the song I already had playing in my head. Our song. It made me think of the flames of a bonfire.

A person could comment on the heat, but I always focused on the dance. The spectral glow moved to its own music. We got the crackle, but we never heard the true beat. Jasper and I were like that. We danced along to a beat only we could hear. Others saw the crackle, but we were the only ones with the song. We were both hearing it now. Even better, we felt it, too.

With sure movements, he angled his hips forward pushing into me slowly but steadily. The initial pain made me gasp. It had been a long time. The uncomfortable feeling was causing some of the haze to evaporate. I instinctively tried to move away, but Jasper's hand shot up to my hip holding me still.

"Easy, Bella. It's okay. Just relax," his voice was rough as he whispered in my ear.

He backed out slowly and then started moving in and out of me in short strokes. "God, you feel so good," he said with a groan.

I was still trying to get used to this again and didn't say anything. My man sensed my sudden disconnect. He raised a hand up to my face and brushed my hair back. The touch was so gentle and sweet. I brought one of my hands down and clasped it together with his.

When I nodded, he whispered my name before pushing forward more. He kept his pace slow trying to be as gentle as possible. As he gained yet another inch, I groaned from the suddenly pleasure and tightened my hold on his hand. This was wonderful, and I wanted so much more.

"Please," I said rolling my hips up and back.

Jasper's husky voice chanted my name as he withdrew from me slowly before sinking back inside me again and again. It hurt and felt so good at the same time. He became less gentle as I began to respond and move with him.

Minutes, hours, days, weeks could have flown by. I didn't know or care. Time had no meaning as we became wrapped up in each other. He kissed me a hundred times and moaned my name between each one. My heart sang with every touch and sound. All this time we waited, and it was beautiful and so perfect.

I loved that it was his long, lean body bringing me so much delicious joy. The sensation of him moving over me was so thoroughly arousing. It heightened my need.

Jasper lowered himself closer to me allowing me to enjoy more of his weight as he pressed me harder into the mattress. I felt his body begin to tense up, and as the pressure from our movements increased, my nails dug into his shoulders. His pace became more urgent, and he carried me along with him.

It all started to become too much. I felt so many different things and didn't know what to do. I was tightening inside and begging for the sweet fall, and when it came, I fell hard. My eyes clinched shut as I shattered into a thousand pieces. Jasper soon followed. He buried his face in my hair as he reached his climax.

Afterwards, he braced his arms on either side of me and dropped his head down. His breathing was heavy and loud. It took him a few moments before he opened his eyes and looked at me. The devastating smile he gave me was pure heaven. God, I loved him.

"Are you alright?" he asked while rubbing his thumb along my jaw line.

"Yes," I answered simply with a huge smile on my face. It was the only word my brain could manage.

When he brought his lips over to mine kissing me again, it was all about making a statement. I was finally his, and he would never let me go.

I ran my fingers through his hair as I enjoyed the fog of contentment that settled over my body. When my limbs began to feel heavy, I stretched out my legs and let them relax as I tried to catch my breath. I had never felt so exhausted. Nothing could possibly feel better than what we just did. If I had known this would be so wonderful, I would have jumped him the first moment I saw him three years ago.

After giving me one final kiss, Jasper rolled away from me and stared up at the ceiling. "I can't believe we just did that," his voice full of shock.

"I can't either," I said with a giggle. "And I am definitely not getting that tattoo."

He gave a sharp laugh before reaching over and kissing me soundly. He then rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom.

I drew the covers of the bed back and snuggled deep into the sheets. The night had been long, and I was so tired. When he returned, we laid wrapped up together. The feel of him holding me was something I had missed so much. I never felt as safe or as happy. This was me finally coming home again. He was right all along. I should have known.

Sleep found me, and it was interrupted off and on throughout the night. Jasper repeatedly and thoroughly introduced me to my new world. It was a marvelous place full of touches that ranged from too rough to just right. I never wanted to leave.

* * * * * *

No alarm disturbed our sleep the next day. I woke up to the sight of him watching me. He looked so serene and at peace. It was such a change from what I was used to. This was the Jasper no one else ever saw. A selfish part of me wanted to keep him all to myself. No one should know him like me.

I came awake gradually, blinking my eyes slowly as I tried to adjust to the sunlight peeking through the side of the closed blinds. It should have felt strange to wake up in this room that was unfamiliar to me, but it didn't. My comfort level must have been affected by my company.

Jasper smiled at me and ran the back of his left hand over my cheek. "Morning."

Hearing his voice made me feel like I was still in dreamland. All I saw, heard, or felt during the night was him as he took over my mind and invaded my dreams.

"Good morning."

An eternity could have passed without me realizing it as we drifted into quiet and put all of our attention on each other. I was almost afraid to look away from him. It was as if a miracle was in front of me and a second of lost concentration would result in him fading away. How could he be real? It didn't seem possible. I had to touch him. I had to know.

I reached a hand out and brushed his hair out of his eyes. Jasper caught my hand with one of his own and clasped them together. We were a perfect fit.

I snuggled up closer to him and tucked my head in under his chin. "You are real."

He wrapped me into his arms. "So are you."

An hour later, I was making my way through the debris field trying to get to the dining table. Jasper was laughing at me the whole way. I was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his sweats that barely stayed on. Was it silly to wear his clothes? Probably, but I didn't care. And it wasn't like I had too many other options. Plus, I wanted to feel him all around me. I still couldn't get enough of him. The clothes also had the added bonus of making him smile, and I loved to make my man smile.

Our morning was great until we heard the slamming of the front door. I turned around and found Alice with her mouth hanging open and a look of complete shock on her face. Jasper stood up, and her shock turned to panic.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said before crossing over to her.

I watched in silence as he grabbed her by the elbow and steered her up the stairs and out of sight. For several minutes, I listened to yelling and screaming. It was all Alice. I heard a few things being thrown against walls. Some made a horrible shattering noise while others were a dull thud.

Then it suddenly turned eerily quiet. All the noise just left. It was worse than the screaming and the glass breaking. I tiptoed into the living room and looked up in the direction of Alice's room. Jasper rounded a corner and started jogging down the stairs.

"Is everything okay?"

The hard glint in his eyes told me no. "She just needed a reminder about loyalty. We're all good now."

"What are you not telling me? Emmett came home last night really pissed off and started arguing with Rose. Edward was happy when he showed up. You have a black eye. Your house is a disaster, and now Alice is screaming at you. What's going on?"

"Let's go sit down, and I'll explain."

We took up spots in the living room. He stayed on one end of the sofa while I sat cross-legged facing him.

"Alice told Edward about me keeping an eye on you after you left Forks. It's why your brother wants me to stay away from you."

I didn't get what the big deal was. They already knew Jasper did that, and it wasn't like he was following me around or anything. He had much more important things to do with his time. "Did Emmett punch you?"

He ducked his head and looked guilty. "I baited him hoping it would earn me sympathy points with you."

"You let him hit you for points. Why would you do that?"

"It was a stupid plan. You barely even cared that he hit me. I thought you would be full of righteous indignation and shit. You really let me down."

I started laughing. "I just figured you did something to deserve it. I can't even count the number of times I've wanted to punch you."

Jasper reached over and pulled on my hands to get me to move down to him. I crawled over and sat on his lap.

"You're not bothered by any of this?" he asked.

The house bugged me. The other really didn't bother me at all. Why would it? I figured he got his information from Angela. She was the only one from Forks I really talked to. "No, and I don't see why they would even get mad. It's not like you hired people to spy on me. That's too messed up even for you."

It felt like a dark cloud suddenly appeared overhead. Jasper got really quiet. He was too quiet. Something was wrong. I could feel it in the tightening of his hold on me and desperation that was starting to weigh down the air.

"Bella, I did hire people to find you. After they did, I kept an eye on you off and on."

My first reaction was not good. I had to get some space from him. I couldn't even look at him. "Let me up."

When I put several feet of distance between us, I asked the question that was echoing through my head. "How long?"

"Two and a half years. I only watched you every few weeks."

And that made it okay? I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about this. Everything was one big jumble. Nothing made sense.

Jasper tried to explain. "I was just looking out for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Edward and Emmett were a couple thousand miles away. You didn't have anybody."

"Don't lie to me. You did it because it made you feel better." I turned around and finally looked at him. "You scare me with the things you do."

"It wasn't bad."

"It's obsessive, and it's scary. That's not love, Jasper. It's about how you feel. It has nothing to do with us. And take a look around you. Your house. Your face. What you just told me. None of it is good, and all of it makes me think I should be afraid of you."

He stood up, and I took several steps back. It wasn't fear. It was that my brain needed to work. I wasn't so sure it would if he got too close. I knew it didn't in the past.

"Just give me a minute. Please," I said before walking away and returning to his bedroom.

So many things were wrong. I didn't know where to start first. My confusion and doubt were supposed to be gone, but it wasn't. It was all still there in the back of my head waiting to take over again. I didn't want that. I wanted to be sure of everything, and until I heard what he said, I was.

I knew Jasper loved me. There was no doubt about that. With his history, it was doubtful he ever had a healthy example of love in his life. He was doing the best he could with what he knew, and it wasn't good. It didn't excuse his behavior, but it certainly explained it. In his own way, he probably thought he was helping me. His own way was just so totally screwed up.

Baiting someone to punch him was about manipulating me. Tearing his house apart was about his lack of control over his temper. The way he kept tabs on me was not healthy at all. All of these bad things were being thrown at me, and I had no clue what I should do or think.

Strong arms circled my chest as Jasper pulled me back against him. "I'm sorry. I just had to know you were okay. I knew you weren't ready to see me, and I kept my distance."

He only saw the one problem. It was so typical.

I looked up at him. "I'm not gonna lie. I'm not happy about you keeping tabs on me like you did. You really need to work on what boundaries you shouldn't cross."

It was the best I could do. I didn't have a clue what else to say about any of it. I had promised myself that I would accept the good with the bad. Was this bad? It certainly wasn't right, and it was just further proof that nothing ever was with us.

Every time we dealt with something together, things got more screwed up. This wasn't about what happened last night. This was about us. I knew we were in a better place now than yesterday, but it didn't eliminate all of our problems. All of the emotions from earlier started playing ping pong in my head. I couldn't sort out anything.

I felt so overwhelmed by all of it. My eyes welled up with tears. When my breath stuttered, Jasper turned me around to where I was facing him. "Why are you crying?"

There were so many reasons. I couldn't even narrow it down to ten. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He wiped my tears away and hugged me close. "Nothing is wrong with you. You're perfect."

I looked up at him and tried to control my breathing. It had taken us a long time to get to where we were. I didn't want to ruin anything between us. Some time in the night, Jasper became my whole world just like I feared he would. I needed him. Not being with him wasn't even an option I would consider.

Just the thought of losing him caused more tears to come fast and furious. He rocked me back and forth. "Sshh. It's okay, Bella."

We stood like that for several minutes. Me feeling like a confused fool, and him telling me everything would be fine. I wanted to believe that, but I wasn't sure.

More crying came. There was no escaping it. A dam had burst inside of me and was washing away so much of the crap that had been building up. I needed that. The buildup to this had been long in the making, and the release was starting to feel so good. Jasper being here to give me strength only made it better.

I just hoped and prayed that we had both learned enough from our past to make our future work. If we didn't, this was going to end in failure again, and unlike last time, I didn't think it was possible for me to survive. Jasper was my life now, and nothing ever felt so right and wrong at the same time.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, I hope this chapter wasn't a disappointment. This chapter wraps up the first part of the story, and we now get to move into the second. I'm looking forward to it. Plus, more of Jasper's history will come out. That's always fun.**

**I completely failed at review replies this week. I'm so sorry. Just know that I read every single one of them and love getting your thoughts on the characters and the chapters.  
**

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I hope you all have a great month, and I will be back in a few weeks.  
**

**The next chapter should post on July 25th.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Last Love Found**  
Chapter 17 - First Two Days

Jasper was on the phone to some cleaning service. I looked around the living room and took in all the damage. This was just unacceptable. His moody, rich kid ass could clean this up himself. I grabbed the phone out of his hands and slipped it into the pocket of my borrowed sweats.

"You made this mess. You clean it up."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me? That'll take all day."

"You should have thought about that before you threw a hissy fit."

His mouth fell open. "You're serious."

I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "Yep. I'll even help."

After making my offer, I headed for the front door.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"To change. I'll be back in five minutes." I wrinkled up my nose. "You should find some trash bags and the vacuum."

My house was empty when I arrived. After changing quickly, I jogged back to Jasper's house. I found him cussing as he picked up pieces of debris. It really served him right. Maybe next time, he would control his temper better.

When he saw me, he threw me some leather gloves. "It's for the glass."

It took us the better part of the afternoon to clean up. He pouted the whole time but didn't complain. I just smiled.

We were now rearranging furniture. Jasper was truly an overachiever when it came to breaking shit. I found crap everywhere. Under furniture, in the fireplace, on top of cabinets I dusted.

I stopped and leaned against the back of a chair. "This looks good if you're going for a minimalist approach."

There was not much left. No decorations survived his anger. He needed to buy all new dishes and glassware, and there were a few chairs that needed to be replaced. All total, he was a great, big dumbass.

"There are healthier ways to express your anger."

The front door opened before he could comment. Our day was just interrupted by pretty much everyone. The only people missing were Laurent and Alice. She had left with him earlier while Jasper and I were cleaning.

"Hi guys," I said with a wave.

"What are you doing here?" my brother asked.

Jasper answered for me. "She was helping me redecorate."

Four sets of eyes searched the room. Rose spoke first. "What happened to my pottery?"

I squeezed my eyes closed and hoped for a good answer. Fortunately, Jasper's fit of anger did have some limits. "It's in the laundry room."

"It better be."

Then it got really quiet. I glanced over at Jasper who was nervously playing with the broom in his hand. We hadn't talked about what we were going to say to everyone about us. I knew what he wanted, but he had no clue where my head was in all this.

I decided to make it clear in my typical rambling mess of an explanation. "So, Jasper and I had a nice long talk. There was a lot said. Frozen carrots, merry-go-rounds, tattoos, and something about an idea he has for tree relations. Anyway, we're good now, and I hope you all don't give us a hard time. He may be a crazy, obsessive jerk, but I love him. And yeah, we're together again."

Were there other people in the room anymore? I didn't know because all I could do was stare back at Jasper who was watching me with love and surprise in his eyes. It lasted all of a few seconds before he dropped the broom and swept me up into his arms hugging me tight.

I could feel his warm breath on my neck and hear my favorite words dancing in my ears. He loved me, and hearing it made my heart swell.

I giggled loudly when he lifted me up higher and started carrying me to his room. My legs went around his waist, and my lips found every part of him I could reach while I listened to the sound of his laughter ringing out around me.

Later in the afternoon, I was sitting up in bed with a sheet wrapped around me. "Your eyes look darker today. Sort of a Prussian blue. They're pretty."

"It's the dark room, you silly girl."

It probably was, but I didn't care. I chewed nervously on my bottom lip. "So, do you think they'll be okay with this?"

"Does it matter? I'm just damn glad they didn't interrupt us."

Knowing him, it wouldn't have mattered. "I bet they were surprised."

"Rose is happy for us. Emmett knows he can't keep us apart. Edward hates me."

"I hardly think he hates you. You're one of his best friends."

After a brief pause, he glanced over at me. "What do you think about Edward?"

"I think he listens to Carlisle too much. He never does anything for himself."

Jasper laughed that off. "Trust me. He does plenty for himself, and Carlisle ain't a bad guy. It's just too bad his son has grown into a piece of shit friend."

I couldn't agree with that. "He's always been a good friend to me."

"The crap thing about that is it's true. He has been a good friend to you. Hell, he's probably the best friend you'll ever find."

I didn't miss the contradiction. "But not to you?"

"Edward wants you a thousand miles away from me, and he'll do anything to make that happen. That's being your friend, not mine."

He was right. Edward was always looking out for me, and in his eyes, a relationship between Jasper and I was doomed for failure. Not that his feelings on Laurent were any better. I doubted Edward would ever approve of anyone. He was like Emmett in that way.

* * * * * *

Jasper held my hand as we walked down to my house. I was trying to be optimistic about all this. I wanted so much for there to be few problems. If Emmett gave us a hard time, it would be an issue for him and Rosalie. She was the only person we knew for certain would be in our corner.

I stopped on the front porch and didn't take another step. "You always know everything people will do. What's going to happen?"

He rubbed at his scruffy jaw. "Emmett will want to have a private talk with me. We'll mumble a bit before I finally promise to treat you right. Rosalie will stand guard to make sure he doesn't hit me. Edward will be with you trying to convince you to stay away from me."

"Is all that good or bad?"

"Good. Emmett just wants you to be happy. When he accepts us, no one else can say much."

I was better now. This wouldn't be bad at all. I took a deep breath and opened the front door. The noise in the room left. I think the television even broke because it suddenly went silent, too.

My brother made his way over to me. I put on my brightest smile. "Hello, Emmett."

He didn't bother responding. All of his attention was on Jasper. Neither spoke. The whole thing was just stupid. It was like a mute pissing contest between two guys who didn't even want the same toy.

I couldn't stay quiet. My inner sarcastic girl took over my mouth. "Hi, Bella. It's good to see you again. Wow. You look so happy, and I love to see you happy. Knowing it's one of my best friends making you feel like that is just a real sweet bonus. Yay for Bella."

Jasper's tightened his grip on my hand. He wanted me to shut up, but I wasn't feeling it. My mouth was on, and my filter was off. "And jeez, Bella. We all know Jasper is one of the biggest jerks on the planet, but when he's with you, a halo magically appears overhead. The forked tail disappears, but it was just a clip-on to begin with. We won't tell you where the horns go, but I …"

"Would you shut the hell up?" Jasper asked.

Emmett grabbed onto my arm and jerked me forward. "Don't talk to her that way."

As if it was okay for my brother to drag me around. Another hand dragged me back the other way. This shit needed to stop. "Would you two stop it? I'm not a damn toy."

Both of them let go of me at the same time. My clumsy legs took over, and I got off balance. I would have stumbled, but a pair of strong arms caught me from behind.

Edward. "I got you, Bella."

The good thing about him was that he did. I smiled up at him. "Thanks."

"The apes can work out their crap outside."

Rosalie agreed. "I'll keep the animals in line," she promised as she pushed them out the front door.

Before they closed the door I looked at Jasper and what I saw in his eyes surprised me. Something had brought the other Jasper back. The one I hated. The one who made me question his love. He was firmly in place. No emotion. No sign that he cared. All I saw was this stranger I recognized but didn't know.

My shoulders sagged. The uncertainty from last night was starting to come back. All of the good parts of the last several hours seemed to melt away. I only saw that dead look in Jasper's eyes and felt doubt cloud my head again. Even when I tried to get the good thoughts back, they eluded me. It was as if they never happened.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked tentatively.

I had forgotten he was here with me. "I'm fine. I just don't like the way all this makes me feel."

"They'll work it out. Emmett knows that if he doesn't accept Jasper that you won't be happy."

"So, what you're really saying is that you know that?"

He ran his hands through his hair. I stepped forward and grabbed his hands. "Don't do that. You know I hate it."

"Quit driving us crazy with the stuff you're doing, and I won't have a reason."

"What happened between you two?" I asked. "I know he made Emmett mad, but I don't know what happened after that."

My question surprised him. "He didn't tell you?"

"No."

Edward smiled slyly. "It doesn't matter. We just had a talk is all."

It was a return to everyone keeping things from me. "Can you people not just tell me the truth? It's not fair keeping me in the dark."

He relented. "I told him he needed to stay away from you, and he got pissed. He's obsessed with you, Bella. That isn't good, and you being with him is just stupid."

"I talked to him about the stuff he did. We worked it out, and it's really not your concern. It's between Jasper and me."

"Bella, just because someone makes you feel good doesn't make them right for you. Look at Alice. I loved being with her, but it wasn't a healthy relationship for me. What if Jasper is your Alice?"

With the last image of him in my head, I could understand my friend's point.

The front door opened and one by one, the others walked inside the house. Jasper was last. The emotionless mask slipped slightly when he saw me still holding Edward's hands.

Jasper sat on the sofa and looked at me. "Come here, Bella."

The way he said it sounded like he was calling a dog and kind of pissed me off.

Edward didn't miss it either. "Think he'll keep you on a leash when you're alone with him?"

Pretty much. "It's funny, but I fully expect him to have me fitted for a shock collar. Don't get me wrong. Being treated like a pet won't be too bad. The biscuits I won't mind, but having to pee outside will really suck."

Edward barked in my ear making us burst out into laughter. When he started growling, Jasper stalked across the room and pulled me away from my friend.

I put a hand on his chest. "It's just a joke. Calm down."

"Yeah, come on. At least, let me bite her. Money says she tastes as good as she smells," Edward teased.

Good Lord. Was he trying to start a fight?

"She does, Cullen," Jasper said scathingly. "Not that you'll ever get a taste."

I smacked him in the chest. "Stop it."

For the first time, I saw the challenge in both of their eyes. There was something else to this thing with them. They looked ready to finish something I didn't even know had been started.

With some reserve strength I didn't know I had, I dragged my guy across the room and pushed him down on the couch. When I sat down next to him, he grabbed one of my hands and began drawing the same soothing circles on my palm that he used to do. I wasn't sure if it was an apology of sorts or if he was trying to help me relax. Either way, it made me feel better.

The rest of the evening was mostly quiet. No one was talking except Rosalie and me. I finally got tired of the silence and pulled her upstairs to my room. If we were going to chat, we could do it on our own and actually be able to say something.

I was seriously starting to love this girl. Her access to information was extremely handy, and I genuinely liked her. With Rose, a person knew they were always getting the truth. They might not get all of the truth, but what she said was honest.

As soon as the door was shut behind us, she peppered me with questions about what happened with Jasper and me. Between my smiles and beet red face, it became pretty clear that our night went as well as she suspected.

She giggled and covered her face with a pillow. I pulled it away and smacked her with it. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I'm just happy for you both and hoping this puts my cousin in a better mood now."

Jasper was in a better mood. The near constant smile would be hard to miss. He had even relaxed downstairs after a little while. Talking would have been too much to ask, but he wasn't glowering.

Rose switched subjects and talked about Emmett and Edward. "I lied and told them you already knew about everything Jasper was doing. They were disappointed to say the least when I told them you didn't care."

I wasn't expecting that. "So, they weren't planning to try to keep him away from me?"

She smiled slyly. "Nope. They think it'll just make you want to be with him even more, like you're some teen rebel who only wants what she's told she can't have."

"They told you this?"

"No. I eavesdropped." Her eyes danced. "After seeing you so happy this afternoon, Emmett was a little better about things. He just wanted to get a few promises out of Jasper about treating you right."

It wasn't a surprise. "What about Edward?"

"Not happy. He always hated Jasper anyway, but seeing you with him, really pissed Edward off."

"He hates him?"

"Oh yeah. They have always had an odd friendship. They've never liked each other from the start. It's pretty stupid because they have more in common than you would think. One fights to be someone he isn't, and the other fights to not be who he thinks he is. Both of them are lost in their own way."

But that didn't explain why they hated each other. "What is with the animosity between them?"

"They see the other one as having what they want or need. Jasper wants a family like Edward's and the stability that brings, and Edward wants the freedom he thinks Jasper has and the strength to stand on his own."

I could see where resentment would develop over time between the two of them. It was sad because they could have been good friends otherwise. We moved on to Alice, who was moving her stuff over to Carlisle and Esme's.

"Why is she doing that?" I asked.

"Jasper kicked her out and cut her off completely. No car. No allowance. Nothing."

He hadn't told me any of that. All he said was that she needed a reminder about loyalty but that they were okay now. His definition of okay needed some work. "I didn't know about that."

Rose lifted her shoulders into a shrug. "She should have kept her mouth shut about him keeping an eye on you. Don't feel bad though. Being around Esme will do Alice some good."

I certainly hoped so. The girl needed something to get her head working straight. If Carlisle and Esme could find some way to rein in Alice's fifty personalities, the world would be a better place.

* * * * * *

There wasn't even a question of whether I was going back home with Jasper. I was, and when we got there, I immediately went to bed. I had some serious sleep to catch up on. I thought he would feel the same, but he didn't join me. I woke up at three in the morning, and he was still not in bed.

I threw the covers off of me and went looking for him. I found him standing at the windows in the living room staring out into the distance. He appeared to be deep in thought. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his posture was stiff.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"You should be in bed."

"So should you. Now, tell me what's wrong."

He surprised me with his honesty. "I don't want to screw this up, and I know that I'll do something wrong. I keep thinking about everything I say and do and hoping it's right. I don't want to push you or make you think I expect certain things. I'm just lost as hell about how to make this work."

"I feel the same way."

His shoulders slumped, and his arms dropped to his side. He looked absolutely defeated. "How can we do this if we're both too scared to do anything?"

"We communicate and work on our problems. No one said it would be easy to be together. Now, let's talk about what is bothering you."

We ended up on the sofa. I was sitting with my legs crossed facing him, trying to appear unconcerned. Jasper, on the other hand, looked liked he was on his way to the executioner. Was talking that bad? We did great with it last night.

I went first. "Okay. I'm worried that you never tell me anything about yourself. It makes me feel like I don't know you, and I keep thinking I'll do something wrong without meaning to."

Fingers to the temples and a scowl were his initial reaction. "I don't like to talk about myself. I'll tell you things eventually, but right now, I don't want to think about my life and the shit that I've done. And you don't need to worry about doing something wrong. Hell, you could stab me in the chest, and I'll just stand there and take it."

Was that devotion or just pure stupidity? It was a real toss up at this point. Making it worse was the fact that I knew he was serious. "It's your turn. What are you worried about?"

Staying seated was not going to work. He got up and started to pace nervously. "I'm not a nice person, Bella. I'll say shitty things and hurt your feelings. I take control of everything. I don't want to make decisions for you, but I know I will try."

"I'm not the same girl I was. If I do something, it's because I want to, not because you want me to."

He groaned. "You don't understand. Even now, in the back of my head, I'm trying to figure out the best way to keep you with me all the time and make you think it's your idea."

I smiled to myself. "You've made progress."

Jasper stopped pacing. "What the hell does that mean?"

"You just admitted that you were already trying to figure out how to manipulate me. I call that progress."

My words were met with stunned silence. He had no response to that. "Have you ever thought that the best way to get what you want is to simply ask for it? If you want me to stay with you, just ask me."

Sometimes the simplest things were the hardest to do. I could see him struggling, but I didn't intercede. He had to figure this out on his own. I didn't expect it to take an hour, but it did. Jasper walked the house from room to room. He was muttering to himself and occasionally stopping to look at me. I had never seen him so unsure and conflicted. Several times, he appeared to make up his mind on something and would walk up to me, only to wander off again shaking his head.

I tried to remain patient, but it was not easy. When he left the room again for the fifth time, I walked into the kitchen to get myself a drink of water. I had no more than filled my glass when he yelled out my name like a doomed coed in a horror movie yells '_help'_.

"I'm in the kitchen," I called out sweetly.

He stomped into the room. "Don't disappear on me."

"Where do you think I'm going to go? It's four in the morning."

"You showed up in the middle of the night last night," he reminded me.

Why did I have this odd feeling like he was actually worried about me _escaping_? I brushed it off. I didn't need ridiculous ideas cluttering my head and making me doubt him.

"You should have brought me to the other house if you wanted to make sure I couldn't go anywhere. Speaking of that house, do you own the whole hill or just this part? I've never known anyone that owns a hill. And how does a person buy one? Is there a special catalog for this stuff? I mean you have a lake, too. Was that in a separate catalog?"

"Are you making fun of me?" Jasper asked.

I held up my index finger and my thumb indicating a half inch or so. "Only this much."

No smile. It was just him looking at me with utter devotion. "Stay with me."

_Always. _ "Okay. Is there anything else you would like?"

There was my smile. "Will you go on a date with me?"

"A date. We've never had a date."

He kicked at a tile and looked down. "I know. What will we tell our kids?"

_Kids? _"What if I don't want kids?"

Jasper shook his head sadly. "I'll just have to find a different girl."

And I would just have to kill her. "Go ahead. Just make sure she's smaller than me."

That made him smile. "I'll do that. Now, what about that date?"

"Us doing something normal. It sounds like a good idea."

The next morning was spent just sitting in the living room talking about the years since we had seen one another. He acknowledged that he had a general idea of what I had done. What I wanted to know was what he had done.

"Not much. I went to school, took over some business crap that bores the hell out of me, and traveled a little. I also helped Rose keep Alice from doing crazy shit."

The last one was probably a full-time job. He moved on to a different topic.

"After my arm finally healed up, Carlisle said I wouldn't be able to play anymore. I worked for months trying to prove him wrong, but it didn't work. The range of motion was just gone. I went and had another surgery, and it helped. But I had to start all over again. By the time I got to where I thought I was good again, two years had passed, and I wasn't needed. I could have used my school ties to get a shot, but I didn't want that to be why they took me."

I couldn't let him see me get upset over this. He would just go right back to thinking I felt sorry for him. Too late. He noticed.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't be mad at me, but I just feel so bad. It's not a pity thing. It's just that I hate that you were hurting so bad. I wish I could have helped you."

"You did help me. You once told me I could defy expectations, and that was what I was trying to do. I wanted to show you I could do something on my own, and that I could work hard and earn something for myself finally. When I was too late, I didn't even get mad. I tried to figure out what you would say, and I actually listened."

"And what would I have said?"

"That it wasn't my fault. I tried hard and luck just wasn't with me. Then you would have told me you were proud of me, and I would have been okay."

I had to smile at that. Jasper knew me too well. "I am proud of you."

He kissed me softly. "I know, but you shouldn't be. I did some bad shit because of all that, and I shouldn't have."

I knew he was talking about costing Emmett his scholarships. I wasn't going to lie to him about my feelings on it, either.

"I still can't believe what you did to my brother. After he worked so hard, how could you ruin everything for him like that? I know you were mad, but damn, Jasper."

He looked down at his right hand and clinched it into a fist over and over. "You have to understand the situation. I was so happy when I saw you at that game. I thought you were coming back, and you didn't. Then I got hurt. All of this happened in a span of just two days."

The time line hadn't been explained to me before. I hadn't even given it much thought before now.

"I was in pain and pissed off, and I did shit that I shouldn't have done. They were easy targets. Hell, I already planned on messing with them anyway. I just wasn't going to go that far."

"Did you regret it?" I asked.

"After it was all too late to fix, I felt horrible. He was a good friend to me for years, and I just screwed him out of everything. I knew that you would find out and hate me for it. I did what I could to fix it."

Jasper started to say something else, but I stopped him. "Wait. What did you do to fix it?"

"You don't really think Emmett ended up here because of Laurent, do you? My cousin didn't do shit. I talked to the coach. I got your brother his chance. Sure, he had to work for it, but I knew he would make the team."

"Laurent lied to us. I can't believe he did that."

"I asked him to do it."

He was defending his cousin. "You didn't have to admit that. Why did you?"

"I don't want to lie to you. Hell, I hate the guy right now, but I'm not going to tell you lies about him."

The answer reminded me of something else I wanted to know. "What did you two fight about that made him want to move down here?"

Jasper looked at me funny. "We didn't fight about anything. He wanted to come back down here, and I gave him the money to do it. He probably just said that so that Edward and Emmett wouldn't shun him."

"So, why do you hate him?"

"He was making time with my girl. How the hell can I not hate him? If I hadn't showed up when I did, you would be with him right now. Hating him doesn't even cover half of how I feel about that shit."

_Yeah. Me, too. _"I'm glad you showed up when you did."

"It was still later than I would like. When he called you his girl, I was not happy."

I had to laugh at that. It was very clear that day just how unhappy he was. "I was always your girl, Jasper. You know that, right?"

"I knew it," he answered confidently. "I just didn't know if you did."

For so long, I denied it to myself. I fought against it thinking it would change me, but it didn't. I was still me. I was just a happier me with him. All through the last two days, I would just look at him and feel warm and content inside.

Knowing I could hold his hand, talk to him, and just love him was the best feeling in the whole world. I could think of nothing that rivaled it. There was just something about us when we were together. If I had no words, he said them for me. When the room was dark, he brought in light.

I finally accepted that being Bella was great, but being Bella and Jasper was so much better.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing.**

**The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday.  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Last Love Found**  
Chapter 18 - One Bad Hour

It was Monday afternoon, and my day was dragging because of five hours without Jasper. How did I survive a few years without him? This sucked. This sucked hard. He was even here with me, but I was working and couldn't talk to him. The only thing I had going in my favor was that my day was almost at an end.

I kept my whining to a minimum and returned to my dusting after ringing up a customer. Not long after, Victoria attached herself to my hip and walked alongside me. It was the first time I had seen her since before Jasper and I got back together. Our last words were pretty much exchanged in the bar five days ago.

She made a point of looking around. I knew what the game was before she even spoke. "Where is your bodyguard?"

Jasper was sitting in the north corner of the store reading a book. She walked by him on her way to see me and had even paused to talk to him.

A roll of my eyes told her how silly she was being. I kept up my dusting and didn't say anything. "Has he ripped out your vocal cords as well as you ability to think on your own?"

Stupid words. Stupid answer. "Bella. Can. Speak."

Victoria grabbed the duster out of my hands. "Try looking at it from everyone else's point of view. One day you hate him. We find out he was pretty much stalking you, and then the next thing we know you are suddenly a couple. He picked a fight with your brother, and he kicked Alice out of his house, a house he destroyed."

She was blowing it all way out of proportion. Jasper wasn't stalking me. Emmett was the one to throw the punch. As for the other, it was his house, his decision, and none of her business.

"What happened that you two are so inseparable?"

It was not hard to figure out. We got back together. It took finally having some communication between the two of us and some simple honesty about our feelings, but we were good. And I wasn't going to offer up explanations to her or anyone else.

"What happened between you hating him, and the two of you being together? I just want to know that you're okay."

Jasper was a private person, and he didn't want people having an open window into our life. "It's really none of your business what happened."

"He told me the same thing. Is he telling you how to answer now, too?"

That pissed me off. "Jasper doesn't tell me how to think, where to go, or what to say. You thinking otherwise is pretty insulting."

"I'm just concerned, but if you say everything is fine, I guess I'll just have to believe you."

She walked off without saying anything else. I finished up my work and left with my guy. He was not in a chipper mood. We had no more got in the car when he turned the stereo off and looked over at me.

"How much is the time we spend together worth to you?"

"I can't put a price on that."

"I can. You make what, eight bucks an hour? You worked five hours. So, five hours gets you forty bucks. Our time must be worth less than that, or you would have spent those five hours with me."

This subject was coming up much earlier than I anticipated. "It isn't about the money. I just want to be independent."

"You can't be independent and make that kind of money."

Wrong. "It covers the bill that I have."

"And what bills do you have? Rent. Food. Insurance. What else?"

"No."

"No. What?"

"I'm not quitting my job."

Jasper tapped his index fingers against the steering wheel. "So, I'm worth less than forty bucks to you. Hell, I spend more having my car detailed."

I was trying to come up with something to say to that when he continued with his point. "You've never been independent. Your tuition is paid by dead people. That house, I bet Esme and Carlisle don't charge you guys half of what the rent should be, and they probably pay all the utilities. And who the hell pays for the plane tickets and hotel rooms when you go to Emmett's games? Do you even know where your money comes from?"

The estate manager that Phil and my mother set up in their will was supposed to handle the details. Also known as, I didn't know shit. I just assumed it was all taken care of. And it was. My bills were covered. I deposited my money and watched my account. Money was added to it from the estate every six months. That was just how it worked after I turned eighteen. I never questioned it. I didn't think I needed to. There was supposed to be enough to get me through college.

_Eighteen. Jasper. Son of a bitch. _"You."

He started the car, and we left. I had to know more. "How much money have you given me?"

"I didn't give you any money. Alright, I did pay some of your medical bills. The rest was just me making a point. You aren't independent. For the most part, you live off the money you get from dead people, just like me. The only difference is my balance is bigger."

"You paid my medical bills. What the hell?"

"What was I supposed to do? I wanted to make sure you got the best, and you did. End of subject. Because I'm not gonna apologize for taking care of you."

Music up. Bastard.

I reached over and turned the stereo down. "I'm not done talking about this. Leave the volume down."

"Fine. I'll give you a little more of that truth you like so much. You're all pissed off about a few bills I paid when you do the same damn thing. You just go about it a different way."

I started to protest, but it was a no go. Jasper wasn't stopping. "I've got money, but you've got heart. You take care of people your way, and I take care of them my way. Is your way better? Yes, but mine is more practical. So, get over it, quit your piece of shit job, and spend time with me. What we give each other is worth a hell of a lot more than forty dollars."

Music up. Argument over. He won, and I put in my two weeks notice.

* * * * * *

The next day could be summed up fairly easy. Jasper didn't want me spending a second away from him, and I felt the same way. Our only problems came from the Edward issue. Every time his name was mentioned, Jasper bulled up and didn't talk for an hour.

On Wednesday, he had some sort of meeting he had to go to, and I took the opportunity to go over to my house. If I saw Edward, my guy would just have to get over it. I wasn't going to stop seeing my friends just because he wanted me to.

Emmett was ecstatic to see me. My alone time with him was rare these days. I was sitting at his desk spinning around in his chair. It was a habit of mine that always aggravated him. He wasn't so much bothered with it today. In fact, he looked too happy to be irritated by much of anything.

"You're trying to annoy me," he accused.

"If you weren't so chipper, it would be working. What's making you so happy anyway?"

"I get to see my baby sister. How can I not be happy?"

I stopped spinning. "You're only eight minutes older than me, and by the way, I missed you, too."

"Eight and a half minutes," he corrected.

"Those five hundred and ten seconds must have been stuffed full of character developing events because you sure lord them over my head."

"Nah, it was mostly me thinking it was bright out in the real world, and I liked not looking at this teeny, tiny thing that made rude faces at me."

I didn't even bother reminding him that we were the same size at birth. If I was teeny tiny, so was he.

Emmett pulled my chair up closer to him. "Let's be serious for a second. I know you're worried about what I think about you and Jasper, but you don't need to be. I'm going to give him a chance. If you're happy, I'm happy."

It was tempting to knock on the side of his head and check to see if an alien knocked back. This was not my brother. I never thought he would be willing to give Jasper a chance to do anything.

"When did you join the pro-Jasper league? And do you have t-shirts?"

He held up two fingers. "I've given up on that for two reasons. One, you are happier with him than you are apart from him. Two, you both provide enough obstacles without me getting in the way. At the rate you two go, you guys will be eighty years old and still dancing around each other."

Aliens and now dancing. Emmett must have had that 'big brother' stick removed from his butt because he was lightening up even more than I thought. "How do we dance around each other?"

"You're both so scared of messing up that half the time you don't act like yourselves. One day it's the tango, and the next it's a waltz. Rose and I think it's hilarious."

I punched him lightly in the arm. "Not funny."

"No. Funny is waiting to see what you choose next. I'm betting on the two-step, but Rose is thinking cha-cha-cha."

"I think I like it better when you aren't rooting for him."

"I like it better when you smile, and you don't do that near enough when he's not around."

"And you don't do it enough without Rosalie. How are ya'll doing?"

He blushed. It was so cute. "We're good, better than ever really."

"It scares me that things are finally working out for us. You have Rose, and I have Jasper. But I feel like it's all an illusion or a dream. I'll wake up, and he'll be gone. Do you ever feel like that?"

"No, I just enjoy what I have while I have it. That's all you can do, Bells. The bad shows up soon enough, and when it does, you deal with it and try to get back to the good."

Emmett had this uncanny ability to know just what I needed to hear. Between his almost constant positive attitude and his innate understanding of me, I always felt like I could count on him to keep me above water. His steadiness and open nature were so welcome when compared to the shiftiness I felt from the people around us. I was lucky to have him.

An hour later, our time together was interrupted by Edward. The two of them did that thing again where they communicated without saying anything out loud. I hated it. Emmett even left his own room to give me time to talk to Edward.

I expected him to go straight into an anti-Jasper speech, but he surprised me with an invitation to the park down the road. Our conversation consisted of nothing really interesting. We talked about school and plans we had to attend a few games out of town.

The park was mostly empty except for some kids playing around. I sat on a swing and watched Edward do pull-ups on the monkey bars for a while. Showoff. He could have gone on forever but stopped when he heard me laughing.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you do that in front of Victoria?"

"No, why?"

Honestly, it would probably drive her crazy. "She'd love it."

He dropped down and walked behind me to push me on the swing. "Do you love it?"

"I barely notice, and I just think you boys like to show off how strong you are."

"So, Jasper does the same thing?"

Actually, he didn't. "No, he doesn't even let me watch him workout."

How the man could have sex with me in every location of the house but be too shy to let me see him lift weights was something I couldn't understand. It wasn't like he was out of shape. If anything, he was ridiculously healthy.

After moving on to the slide for a while, Edward and I went to sit on a bench to watch some kids who were playing a game of touch football. It turned out to be more fun than the other stuff. Edward was the best part. He kept mumbling words under his breath.

_Go. Run. Don't do that. Nice job. What are you thinking?_

He was hilarious. After a while, one of the kids noticed us and started whispering to some of his friends. I thought the fun was over, but it got better. A few of them ran over and very shyly asked if Edward would play with them. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

The next hour was the best part of the whole day. Edward was switching sides every few plays. The kids didn't apply the touch football rule to him. It was a dog pile every time he had the ball. I couldn't help but think that someday he would make a great dad. I could just picture a little Edward running around and causing mayhem. He would probably team up with Little Emmett and drive us all batty.

The game became more fun when it started raining, and Edward talked the kids into dragging me into the game. I reluctantly gave in. We played on opposite teams, and I lost count of the number of times I was tackled. If I wasn't being dragged to the ground by eight year olds, I was being caught from behind by Edward, who would lift me off my feet and run me back the other direction instead of tackling me.

The kids all left when the rain became heavier. Edward took it as an opportunity to catch me again. "You're too slow, Swan."

"You're too fast, Cullen."

He looked off in the direction of our house. "I'm too fast, yet always too late. That shouldn't work, should it?"

"And what are you too late for?"

I thought for a second he would answer. He sure looked like he wanted to. Instead, he just shrugged off the question. "It's not important, and we really need to head home before your keeper gets mad."

_My keeper._ "Try to be nice."

Edward didn't talk much on the way home. He was off in his own world thinking about something. It wasn't until we reached Jasper's front porch that he said anything.

He played with the bottom of my shirt. "I hope you didn't like this shirt too much."

The grass stains were pretty bad. I would never get them out. "I actually do like it."

"I'll just have to buy you another one."

That was not even going to happen. "It's one of Jasper's and I don't think he'd be cool with you buying him a shirt."

That stupid smile of his shined bright. "No, probably not."

Edward moved away suddenly, and a fraction of a second later the front door opened.

Jasper looked us over with a critical eye. "Why the hell are you soaked, and why do you look like you've been rolling around in the grass?"

"We were playing in the rain. Bella got tackled a few times."

I jumped in to explain that comment. "It wasn't him. It was a pack of third graders. We were playing football."

"I hope you two had fun."

"We did."

"Bella, you should go get a shower," Jasper suggested. "I'll join you in a minute."

I was surprised when Edward hugged me. It wasn't something I wanted him to do in front of Jasper. "Thanks for the walk in the park, Bells. We'll have to do it again real soon."

Why did I feel like I just got home from a date and my dad was going to grill my boyfriend? I went in the house fully expecting Jasper to give my friend a ration of crap over me getting drenched in a rain storm. He made me think of those overprotective parents who never let their kids have any fun.

I headed straight for the laundry room and stepped out of my soaked shoes before peeling off my jeans. They were practically glued to my skin. My shirt was not much better. With my clothes gone, I wrapped up in a towel from the drier and made a mental note to fold the rest of the towels later when I washed my clothes.

The mundane details of life went through my head as I walked to the bedroom. We needed to go grocery shopping. I was fairly certain I was going to ace a test I had the next day. The knives in the kitchen needed sharpening.

Mundane left when I found Jasper waiting for me. "You could have left a note about where you were going. I got home and couldn't find you. I called your phone, and it rang from the kitchen."

"I was just down at the other house."

"I checked the other house, and you and Edward were gone. Your brother didn't have a clue where you two went."

"What is with you and everyone else thinking I have to tell people every single step I make? I'm not a kid."

"Bella, I can't breathe when I don't know where you are. I worry so damn much that you'll get hurt, and I won't be there to help you. I can't take not knowing where you are."

My first instinct was to apologize even when I felt I didn't do anything wrong. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think."

His mood changed from angry to something else all in one second. "You have mud on your neck." He rubbed at the dirt.

"I'm not surprised. Those kids were ruthless. I'll probably be black and blue tomorrow. I swear I got tackled a hundred times."

"Remind me to thank Mother Nature for the rain."

I laughed. "Why?"

"Cause you look damn fine all wet and dirty and wearing only a towel."

Well, this day was getting better. "Any plans on what you want to do about that?"

He ran a finger under the top of towel. "I could throw your ass in the shower, but I'm too impatient for that."

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him forward. "You sure talk a good game, Mr. Whitlock, but you ain't doing much."

"It's that handprint on your neck. It's too big to be a kid's and I know it ain't mine."

_How did I get that?_ "Edward and …"

Jasper moved in closer pressing me against the wall. "Don't say his name. Now tell me why the fuck was he touching your neck? Did he kiss you?"

Where did that question come from? "No, he didn't kiss me."

My answer wasn't good enough. Eyes trailed over me. "Where else did he touch you?"

"I don't know. I don't even remember him touching my neck."

It was the truth. Not much of what Edward did left a permanent mark in my head. I could recall vividly the last time Jasper's hands ran over my back or when he last held my hand. I knew to the minute how long it had been since I had him inside me. Every memory of him was brighter and fresher than any I had of anyone else.

"Bella, I'm tired of having him in the same room with us, even when he's not here."

"He's not here. It's just us. No one is ever here. You know that."

"Are you sure about that?"

My train of thought fell right off the track when he started running a hand up my side and tugging on my towel until it fell at my feet. The simplest touch was all it took for him to pull my strings.

"What was the question?" I asked.

"You just answered it."

Jasper leaned down to kiss me, and my lips parted for his. I tugged on his jeans pulling him closer into me. Those familiar sounds of his played in my ear driving my need even higher. I let my hands roam over him as his mouth moved hungrily over mine.

When I pushed his hand down urging him to touch me where I needed him most, his impatience had him rushing to take off his shirt before he did my bidding. I was no better. My fingers started working on the fastenings of his jeans. I had to touch him. I needed more of those sounds of his that drove me mad.

When one of my hands circled around him and started stroking him, he hissed through his teeth. "Fuck, Bella."

"That's the idea. And why aren't you touching me?"

And then he was, and I forgot about what we were just talking about a minute ago. It was something about … _Oh my God_. His right hand moved between my legs, and his thumb ran along my sensitive flesh. I took a gasping breath as he continued stimulating me with gentle pressure.

Holy hell_._ This always felt so good. He should never stop doing this. Ever. He slipped a finger inside me, and a deep moan escaped my lips. This was glorious. It got even better over the next several minutes.

"I've dreamed about touching you for three years. Every night, just like this," he whispered.

The sweet pressure intensified. "Jasper, please."

"What, Bella?" he asked. "Tell me what you want."

The devil knew exactly what I wanted. He circled his thumb harder, and I forgot all about touching him. I grabbed onto his arm with both my hands and dug my fingernails into his skin as I came apart.

At some point, he picked me up and set me on the end of the bed. I didn't wake up to the present until his fingers tangled in my hair and pulled me in for a hard kiss that left me stunned. Gone was the care he had always taken with me before. The pressure from his lips was harsh and painful. It hurt me, and I knew it must have hurt him. I could taste blood and its awful copper flavor.

Jasper pushed my legs apart with a knee and gripped my hips hard as he pushed into me in one deep stroke. My eyes flew open from the sudden pleasure. He groaned and withdrew from me slowly before sinking back inside me again and again with force.

As he pounded into me, my hands clinched the covers of the bed. I breathlessly whispered his name. It was all I could do as my body continued to greedily accept his while he twisted me to an even higher peak.

Jasper was not so quiet. My name was loud on his lips and interspersed between grunts and groans. He became even less gentle as I started to respond and move with him. This wasn't about love or any of the wonderful feelings that always accompanied our lovemaking. This was about him needing something I didn't even understand.

Something changed in him. Every minute ratcheted up his swirling emotions. My name changed to a harsh word on his lips that had me flinching at the anger I heard in it. One of his hands gripped my hip too hard, and I cried out, not knowing if it was from pleasure or pain.

Jasper didn't even notice. His pace became more urgent until he finally reached his climax spilling himself deep inside me. He continued moving in and out of me, slowing with each stroke until finally stopping. Our heavy breathing was the only sound as he leaned over me to rest his body.

I wasn't capable of moving or speaking. If there was any fairness in this world, I would die feeling this way. Nothing would ever be better than his weight pressing against me and the way he made my body float in shadowy bliss.

All was good until I opened my eyes up and saw the look of cold satisfaction on his face. I didn't want to believe what I saw. I raised a hand up to his face, and he brushed it away. "Don't touch me."

I couldn't have heard that right. "What did you say?"

"Don't touch me, and don't fuckin' talk right now."

He should have just slapped me. I think it would have hurt less. I wanted to crawl under the covers and hide from the awful feeling inside me and the dead look in his eyes. I felt sick all over. This was the part of him I hated. He would lash out at me for nothing.

I pushed on his chest. "Get away from me."

Jasper moved off me and refastened his jeans before walking away without saying one thing to me or so much as looking in my direction again. Distant and cold described him perfectly in this moment, and I didn't understand. I also didn't know where he was going. I just knew he was leaving me. It was what I asked for, but the last thing I really wanted.

As he walked through the house, I could hear him hitting the walls. I then heard something break in the living room. He was tearing up the house again. How appropriate. He was always breaking things. At least his possessions were damaged quickly. He knocked away at me in small pieces. I never knew when it was coming or what caused it, but I was starting to suspect that it was always going to be just around the corner.

I curled up on my side and tried to focus my thoughts on the good days we had this week. It didn't work. All I felt was used and abandoned. The wetness on my thighs added to the pain in my chest.

I lay there for countless minutes listening to the traffic outside and wishing I had the nerve to get up and rail at him. I was pissed off and hurt, but my stupid heart kept telling me it wasn't his fault. He was mixed up, and I knew before we got together that not everyday was going to be easy. Today was so far from the previous days that it should have been in a different year altogether.

I didn't feel like I was his Bella. I could have been anybody for all he cared. He got what he wanted and then left when he was finished. It was such a contrast from how he was before. Not for the first time I wondered just how many people lived in his head. The man I loved wouldn't have looked at me the way he did or brushed me off like I didn't matter.

The sound of the door opening and closing told me that he had returned to the room. His footsteps were heavy and intimidating as he approached me. I had to resist the urge to pull away when I felt a hand rest on one of my ankles and his thumb move lightly over my skin.

"Let me hold you. Please."

This coming from the person who twenty minutes ago didn't want me touching him even when he was still inside me. At no time in my life was I ever more confused than right now. He just waltzed back in here like nothing was supposed to be wrong.

I sat up and pulled the covers around me. It was easier than telling him I didn't want his touch just yet. There was something I needed to say without him clouding my thoughts. I breathed in and out trying to calm my nerves. I didn't want to stumble over my words and risk not getting them out.

"Ever since you came to town, Jasper, you've stood in my way and wouldn't let me pass without a touch or a word that didn't make me cry inside. Even now, your emotions scream at me begging me for whatever it is you want, but then you push me away when I give you what you ask for. Why should I let you hold me when in five minutes you won't want me?"

Silence. He had nothing to say. It was just like him to let me feel this lost and confused when the answers were in his head the whole time.

"How can you come in here and think things will be fine? I'm not fine. I'm confused and pissed off. I feel like you just used me to get off and then left me here. I'm not one of your girls from before. I'm me, and you can't treat me like that."

Nothing. Jasper just stood there. Frustrated tears filled my eyes. I brushed them away and went back to slow breaths. I was starting to lose it.

"Jasper, say something. Don't just stand there like you've gone mute. Are you punishing me for leaving you? Is that why you keep twisting me up like this?"

I was tired of this. Could he not say one thing to try to make this better? Was that too much to ask?

My feelings weren't even directed at him anymore. I was angry with myself for giving him a chance when I knew we weren't ready. And I hated that I wouldn't leave even if he was more awful than he already was. I would stay because being without him was so much worse than being with him.

"You need to say something good, Jasper. Something that will wipe away the last hour."

Empty eyes stared back at me. "I'm not gonna lie, Bella. I do want to hurt you, and I do want to punish you. Sometimes, I want it more than anything. Life is easier when I don't have to fight so hard to be the person I think you deserve just on the simple hope that it's enough to keep you with me."

If that was what he had to say, I would have preferred he stay quiet. "Today. This. The awful way you made me feel. All of it makes me want to run a thousand miles away from you. When you treat me good, all I want to do is stay."

The void left and anger took over as he shouted at me. "You are never going to stay with me. Six weeks. One year. Something will happen, and you'll leave. I know it, and you know it."

"If that's what worries you, why are you pushing me away? If you're scared or angry, talk to me. If you need me, let me know how, and I will help you. What do you need right now? I swear I'll give it to you. All you have to do is tell me. That's all you ever have to do."

I got no answer. Jasper sat down in a chair and held his head in his hands. I couldn't even look at him anymore. It just made me want to give up. I got out of bed and took a long, hot shower. It washed away most of my bad thoughts and was left feeling tired and worn out from a day that had started so well.

When I left the bathroom, Jasper had moved from the chair to the bed. "Please, lie down with me," he begged.

Seeing the love back in his eyes crushed me all over again. This was the Jasper that made me feel like he would be the death of me. There was nothing I wouldn't do to quench whatever was burning him inside. I would sacrifice all of me hoping what was left would be enough to let me survive. I didn't think I could though.

Jasper always wanted everything, and there was only so much a person could give before they lost themselves. And wasn't I already giving him everything? Wasn't I already lost? I stared back at the devil and let him have his way again. In the end, he always won. I didn't know why I bothered to fight against it.

His arms circled me in a tight embrace. "I'm so damn sorry."

"Tell me what was wrong. If I don't know, I'll keep doing it, and I don't want to do that."

"It's not you. I'm what's wrong. I've got so much shit in my head, and none of it's good. I can't make it stop, and I just want you to get the hell away from me."

A stinging pain hit me in my gut. "You really want me to leave?"

Jasper held me even tighter. "No … Yes. I should … I don't know. It's all just fucked up today. Nothing I'm thinking is right."

"Tell me what you need. I'll do whatever you want. Leave. Stay. Just tell me, so I know."

A long minute passed. "Stay, and fight me if I ever ask you to go. Refuse to listen and call me stupid. I don't care. Just don't go if I ever ask you to."

"What was all this about?"

"I was letting stupid shit get under my skin. I had all these images in my head of you with someone else. All I could think about was making it stop, and then I was so pissed at myself for even thinking that way at all. Hell, I was even mad at you for something you didn't do and wouldn't do."

_Someone else?_ "Is this about Edward? Because I will never be with him. You have to know that. There is no comparison. I love you."

"I know you do, and when I'm thinking rationally, it's all I know."

I couldn't see him getting this worked up about a simple hug or a walk down to some park. "Did he say something to you to get this started?"

Jasper ran his fingers through my hair helping me to relax. This was finally feeling right again. We were talking, and anytime we did that, we could get through anything. I knew this, but I didn't think it was a truth he could accept yet.

"It was my own imagination that did me in. I didn't need Edward's help to screw this day up."

I tried to put some kind of positive spin on things. It had to be my brother's influence on me. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You only screwed up one hour out of twenty-four, and I'm fairly optimistic about the next hour making up for it."

The corners of Jasper's lips twitched into a small smile. "You're too good to me."

I kissed along his neck and up to his ear. "Tell me you love me, and I'll be even better."

"I don't even know why you would bother."

"Because when I breathe you in and forget the rest of the world, you are all I need. I'll take a thousand bad days for just one minute of the good. Because when you're good, Jasper, there is no one better."

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for posting later than usual today. A new addition has joined my sister's family, and the little girl threw off everyone's schedule a bit. Welcome to the world Josie.  
**

**I'm curious about people's feelings on Edward. Do you hate him, or do you see where he is coming from by thinking that Bella and Jasper shouldn't be together? Jasper wasn't exactly at his best in this chapter, but we will be getting another POV Chapter from him soon that will tell us more about where his head is right now.  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. I loved hearing from all the new people. I hope you are enjoying the story, and I will try to get some review replies out in the next few days. Oh, and my vacation was great. We all had a lot of fun. **

**The next chapter should be posted next Wednesday. I am going to move to posting once a week for a while. My schedule is being bogged down by real life at the moment. Sorry.  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 19 - Waking Up

I was standing in the bathroom frowning at my reflection. This was just not good. I was covered in bruises from those kids yesterday. Worse than that was the large mark on my left hip. It was painful to the touch, and I could make out each finger of the hand that left it there.

What the hell was I doing looking like this? And what the hell was I doing thinking like I had been? We were together all of one week, and Jasper was already taking over my life. I quit my job, I overlooked yesterday too easily, and I was carrying a mark on me that was not acceptable under any circumstance.

A person could look at it in a variety of ways. Did he intend to hurt me? No, he didn't. Did he get carried away? Probably. Neither of those were as important as my own personal feelings. I wasn't okay with this at all. It wasn't like he punched me or hit me, but I wasn't going to overlook this. With his family's history and everything he said yesterday, there was no way I could.

I took my shower and used the time to think about what I needed to say to him. Limits were set in my mind. Jasper would either listen to what I said, or he wouldn't. If he didn't, I wasn't going to let that slide. What I wanted was just as important as what he wanted. I couldn't just let things happen because it was easier.

Thirty minutes later, I was sitting on the floor in the living room staring out the back window while I ate a bowl of cereal. It was early in the morning, and my man had yet to make an appearance. I was glad for his absence. It gave me more time to analyze my thoughts while I was away from him.

Back in Forks, my mind shut down whenever he was around. I hadn't even noticed it happening until I was too far gone. Now, it was different. I could be around him and still use my brain. My brain was just being stupid and ignoring what I saw right in front of me. I saw the problems that were starting to arise, and instead of confronting him about them, I was letting too much slide.

Emotionally, I was a mess. My moods were cycling between depression, irritation, and anxiety. I was never just calm and numb anymore. I was constantly feeling something, and it was only good when he was near me. This made me too dependent on him already. I had to break free of that somehow. If I didn't, Jasper would take control. It was what he always did. Heck, he was already doing it.

I knew all those stories about the people who thought they could save the one they loved by providing endless support and acceptance. Was that what I was in danger of becoming? Those people usually got hurt in the end and still kept believing in a person who could only save themselves. There was never any balance in the relationship. I couldn't live like that. I had cut myself off from him once before because of that, but I couldn't do that now. A solution had to be worked out.

I finished my cereal and set the bowl to the side. My timing was impeccable. Not a minute later, my phone rang. Edward.

It was too early for him to be calling. "Is something wrong?"

"I was hoping to convince you to go to breakfast with me. I need to talk to you."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but …"

I didn't get to finish before the phone was taken out of my hands. Jasper was standing behind me. "Bella has plans."

He closed the phone and stuck it in his shirt pocket.

"What the hell did you do that for?"

No answer. He just reached down and grabbed my empty bowl. I watched him carry it into the kitchen. My phone rang again, but he didn't bother answering.

"Give me my phone," I demanded as I followed behind him.

Silence.

"Why are you being like this?"

Nothing.

Jasper rinsed out my bowl and stuck it in the dishwasher. The ringing continued. When he turned to face me, I reached up to fish my phone out of his pocket, but he grabbed my hand. No words. Just him shaking his head at me.

"You're going to make me mad. Give me the damn phone."

More silence.

I slapped at his chest when he released my hand. All that got me was a smile. "Quit being a jerk."

Finally, he spoke. "I don't want you around Edward. All he does is tell you not to be with me. That's bullshit."

"He didn't say one thing about you yesterday, and he's my friend."

"Put yourself in my shoes. If a girl I was friends with was talking shit about you, would you want me around her?"

The ringing stopped, and he handed my phone back to me. "Call him if you want to, but don't think I'm gonna be happy about it."

_Happy about it? _The words made me see red.

"You need to wake the hell up. Do you think I'm happy about how you treated me yesterday? Do you think I'm happy about quitting my job? I'm not happy about either of those things, and if you keep acting this way, you will _unhappily_ watch me walk out the front door and not come back."

Shock registered in his expression. I just stepped forward and kept at him. "I left Forks because I was letting you take over everything, which is exactly what I've been doing the last few days. If you want me to stay around, you need to stop jerking on the collar you seem to think I wear around my neck."

Jasper didn't even try to step in and say something. He just stood there listening to me go off on him.

"And just so you know, my job may not pay well, but what I make is mine. I earned it and with it comes self-respect and a sense of accomplishment. Eight bucks an hour may not be much to you, but what I get out of it is worth a whole hell of a lot more to me."

The words echoed in my head. There was no way I was quitting for him. "I'm taking back my two weeks notice, and I would suggest you not give me a hard time about it."

Jasper finally spoke. "Are you done barking at me? Or is there something else you're pissed about?"

Actually, there was. "I don't know what the hell happened with you yesterday, but if you ever make me feel used like that again, it will be the last time you touch me. I am not going to have you treat me like I should expect money on the dresser."

"Bella, I didn't have normal relationships before you. I don't know how much to tell you or what you would even want to hear, but they weren't like you."

"I don't care who they were or what you did with them. They are not me, and if you think falling back and using your past as an excuse will work, you need to come up with a better plan. It may explain your behavior, but it does not make it okay."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

He just thought he was sorry. I had something else for him. "Let me show you something, Jasper."

I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down enough to show him the bruise on my hip. "I don't know where your head was yesterday, but the next time we're together, you better be present. This hurts, and it will not happen again."

Jasper moved in closer to get a better look, and I backed up. "No, I don't think so. I'm going to grab my stuff and go back to _my_ house. You can stay here and think about just where you want this relationship to go, and you better come up with an answer that doesn't have you controlling every step I make. I have a mind of my own, and a life of my own. Neither of which I'm willing to give up for you."

I stomped out of the kitchen and to the bedroom gathering up my things before slamming out the front door. He didn't even try to stop me, which was good. I was already way too pissed as it was.

When I walked into my house, Edward was standing in the living room. He was surprised to see me. "Good morning."

"What the hell is so good about it?" I growled before climbing the stairs.

My morning sucked, and it capped off what should have been a great week. It wasn't even the Jasper thing. It was the Bella thing. I was a dumbass.

* * * * * *

Tap. Tap. Tap

I glared at the person sitting next to me. Jasper smiled and continued to tap his pen on my desk. I wanted to take it out of his hand and stab him in the eye. I settled for slamming my hand over the top of it putting an end to the annoying sound.

The professor stopped her lecture. "Is there a problem?"

Jasper answered for me. "I'm sorry. This mosquito has been buzzing my head for the last ten minutes. Killing him was my only option."

She accepted his answer and even blushed a little before returning to the subject at hand. His affect on women was a jarring reminder of his affect on me. I had to have been the biggest fool on the planet when I let him worm his way back into my heart. Hell, he didn't even have to worm his way in. He was already there.

His shortest minion nudged me in the side trying to get my attention. My lip practically curled into a snarl. Thanks to her and Jasper, I was hating school today. They weren't even supposed to be getting along right now, but Alice was in his pocket like always.

She informed me in our second class that the color blue I wore today was Jasper's favorite. The value of that little nugget wasn't lost on me. I was going to make a trip to Goodwill soon.

Something else I learned was that being stingy with words was the best way to make stalkers try harder. For every word I didn't say, he said five.

_Good morning, Bella. You're looking lovely today. Are those new shoes?_

_Why yes, Eddie Haskell, and that black eye I'm about to give you will match the one my brother gave you a week ago. Let's see if you can duck fast enough. Prick._

Our last class of the day ended, and I was now walking through the halls surrounded by my entourage. We made quite the group. There was the blond who had grown strangely mute today. I had yet to hear Rosalie speak at all. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me.

Alice was on the opposite end of the spectrum. She would not shut up. I wanted to force a gas soaked rag in her mouth and light a match. It was a violent little image I had in my head, but I couldn't seem to get it to leave. It had to be Jasper's influence.

The last person in our group was my boyfriend with the stalker tendencies and the bad temper. I was really on a roll with screwing up my life. It was a tossup at this point what I would do next to make things worse.

The two minions moved on and left me with the boss. "Jasper, are you trying to make me angrier by acting like a jerk? You know I hate it when you and the girls act like you three have your own private club."

"I'll admit it. I am trying to piss you off. It's the only time you tell me how you really feel, and I know there is shit you need to say and I need to hear."

Well damn. Here I thought he was annoying me just because of what I said this morning, and he actually wanted me to vent.

So, I did. "Do you want to know what I feel? I feel suffocated. I can drive to school on my own. I can go to work without you sitting in the corner waiting for me. I can see my friends without you hovering over me. You are cutting off my air. I can't breathe for how much you smother me."

Jasper put his hands up in surrender. "Then, I'll leave you alone. Go have a good day, and I'll see you later this afternoon."

He walked on ahead of me with his shoulders dropped in defeat. I felt like such a bitch, but I needed to say all that. And he was right about him needing to hear it. I just wish it didn't hurt him.

* * * * * *

Work was good. I completely lost myself in straightening up the reference section. It was a complete disaster and took the better part of my workday to fix. Just before leaving, I found Aro to talk to him about taking back my notice. He told me he expected it.

When I arrived back home, Rosalie was playing a video game with Edward. I watched for a while before she got tired and moved to the sofa to sit next to me. About five minutes later, she nudged me in the side and nodded in the direction of my room.

"Sorry about earlier today," she said when we got up to my room. "Jasper wanted you mad for some reason."

"He thinks it's the only time I tell him how I feel."

"Is it?"

If I was honest, it was the only time I seemed to get things off my chest. "It is."

Rosalie sat down at my desk and scanned over all my books. I think she was taking some sort of inventory. She took down a book of baby names. "This is an odd book to have."

"It was my mom's."

She put it back and turned to me. "I've never really thought about it, but I don't know anything about you. What do you want to be? What do you dream about? Who are you, Bella? You have to be more than Jasper's girl and Emmett's sister."

I sat down on the floor and rested my back against the bed. "I've never had a career in mind. When I try to envision the future, all I see are trees."

"Trees? I don't get it."

I felt like my answer was stupid, but I went with it. "I know you don't mean actual dreams I have at night, but it's kind of the same. I see trees. I see myself walking through an orchard. I'm wearing a white sundress, which is sort of dumb since I don't even wear dresses. Anyway, I'm always happy in that world. It feels right to me."

"So, what are you saying?"

"I want that dream. I want the feeling it gives me. I want the sunlight that peeks in through the trees. I want the laughter I hear around me. I want to figure out who I keep looking for over my shoulder and why I'm wearing that dress."

Rosalie was frowning. "You didn't mention Jasper."

"It's not about him. I think it's about me just wanting a simple life. In that world, I can do anything. I can write a book if I want. I can paint a beautiful sunset even though my skills are lackluster. I can let each day be something different but still be the same. So, I guess what I want is for my future to be flexible but still provide security, which is probably what a lot of people want."

"You surprise me," Rose said. "I expected a steady job and a set path."

"And I expected you to tell me Jasper can give me everything I want."

"I don't need to tell you that, Bella. He can and will give you everything you want. All you have to do is ask. It's funny to me how you don't see that you have all the power in your relationship. You just don't use it."

That was a big joke. I had zero power. "Jasper takes charge and controls everything. He doesn't want me going anywhere without him. He pretty much wants to run my life."

Rose started laughing at me. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. He wants me to quit my job and never leave his sight for a second."

"The only thing Jasper wants is to spend every second of his day with you. If you want to spend your spare time cleaning bird cages at the zoo, he'll stand by your side holding a bucket of water. He'll think it's a big waste of time and complain, but he'll eventually shut up about it. All you have to do is hold your ground about what you want."

If what she said was true, he would stay quiet about my job now that I was keeping it. I was curious about whether he would actually do it or not.

I changed the subject around and put the spotlight on her. "Tell me about you. What are your dreams?"

"Mine is an impossible dream. I want to escape to my little studio and play with my pottery. If I was friendlier, I could sell it in my own little store, but you and I both know that wouldn't work."

I didn't even know until the other day that it was even something she was interested in. "What's the story on that?"

"Jasper's grandmother taught me. She said it was so I could earn my keep, but I think it was just because she was lonely. We would sit in her studio, and she would talk for hours about anything and everything. After she died, I stopped messing with it, but when Emmett and I broke up, I started up again."

"I can't picture it. I don't know why."

"I guess I just like getting my hands dirty. I work on cars, too. It drives Emmett crazy."

I bet it did. "We should team up. You supply the inventory, and I'll run your store. In our spare time, you can work on Emmett's old truck, and I can clean bird shit with Jasper. Our lives will be like fairy tales."

She laughed. "Sounds like a deal."

We talked for the next hour just getting to know each other. Until this afternoon, I didn't know that Rosalie shared my brother's love for war movies or that she was a rabid football fan. I also didn't know that her cooking skills were limited to boiling water and making toast. She hated fashion and only went along on shopping trips with Alice to keep the other girl happy.

I also didn't know it was possible for me to like her so much. Rosalie's smile always matched her eyes. She would snort when she laughed and couldn't talk without moving her hands. I had always seen her as being sort of cold and remote, but she wasn't at all. When she finally opened up, she was warm and full of light.

* * * * * *

After Rosalie returned downstairs, I avoided everyone else for the rest of the day. I knew the house was full. Not a single person was missing except for me, and not one of them came upstairs to ask me to join them. It didn't bother me. I think they all knew I needed time on my own.

Getting to sleep that night was impossible. I tossed and turned constantly for two hours. The more I tried to get some rest the more I woke up. It didn't help when something started tapping at my window. I assumed it was a tree limb and ignored it. When it continued and got louder, I got out of bed and threw my curtains open.

I gave a half-shriek when I saw Jasper sitting outside. I opened the window and watched him gracefully go from tree limb to windowsill like he had been doing this for years.

He roamed my room picking up pictures and setting them down before finally turning to me. "It's bigger than your room in Forks."

"Why are you here?"

Jasper came up to me and brushed my hair back over my shoulders. "I have to be here. Sleeping without you doesn't work."

I could understand it. I even felt the same way. His eyes were pleading with me to let him stay, and just like always, I wanted to give him everything he asked for.

His hands started pulling up on my night gown, and I took a step back. "Jasper, I'm not in the mood."

"No, I don't want that. Well, I do. I always do, but it's not what I had in mind. I just want to see what I did."

Did sleeping with him eliminate my personal space? "How about asking first?"

My snippy request made him flinch. "When have I ever had to ask before touching you?"

My head was so messed up about everything with him. Even after how he acted yesterday, I still didn't recoil from him physically until this morning when I saw my hip. For whatever reason, it changed things in my head. It wasn't even all about him. It was about me and my failure to keep my head above water with him.

It hit me that if this was the wakeup call I needed it could also be the one he needed. I kept my eyes on the floor and pulled up the side of my gown. The bruise was still partially covered by my underwear, but he could get a good enough idea.

I wasn't counting on this being so embarrassing. This man had seen every part of me, but this was different. I felt almost silly thinking it was a big deal. My head had been making excuses about it all day, but I knew I couldn't do that. He said himself that with his family a person couldn't be too careful.

Jasper stood there and didn't say anything. I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't silence. I should have. It was the same response he gave me the day before. I dropped my gown back down and moved to where I was sitting on my bed.

"Are you going to say anything?" I asked after a full minute of quiet.

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry isn't enough, but I am. I want to cut off my fuckin' hands and ask you to beat me with them."

"It's not your hands that are the problem. It's your head. You have to get a hold of your temper."

His bitter laugh made me shrivel inside. "My temper? You don't even know how tight I've held on to it lately. I make two slips and you want to persecute me. That's bullshit."

"Are you even the same person who got pissed and jumped to conclusions about Laurent? If he treated me like you did yesterday or left a mark on me like that, what would you do?"

"That's a dumb question. You know what I would do. Is there a double standard? Yes, but I'm far passed being able to stay away from you. Hell, this day killed me. I wanted to give you space, and it was all I could do to stay away."

"I'm surprised you did."

Jasper moved to where he was standing in front of me. "I would do anything for you. You just have to tell me what you want."

I pulled on his shirt bringing him closer before clasping one of my hands in his. I could tell how much the simple touch meant to him. My retreat from him earlier had rattled him more than I realized.

"I want you to treat me right and respect what I want and how I feel. Don't manipulate me. Don't try to control what I do. Give me a little space. I love being around you, but I have to have some time for myself. Most of all, I just want you to love me and not hurt me."

"I know I screw up, Bella, but you mess up, too, when you keep quiet about the things that bother you. I don't want to have to make you mad to get answers. Tell me when I do something wrong. Tell me when I step over the line."

"You're right. I do need to speak up more. It's not fair to you if I have a problem and don't let you know."

Jasper brought my hand up and kissed it. "All of this is new to both of us. We don't exactly have the best examples to follow, but I promise I will listen if you tell me something. And I promise to never stop trying to be better for you."

When we communicated, we got things sorted out between us so easy. "I promise I will be better for you, too."

He leaned down and breathed in deeply. "I thought about you all day. Your smell. The way you smile. I even missed how you sing in the car on the way to school. I hated not being able to look up and see you. I know you say I suffocate you, but it's not on purpose. I just spent so much time without you, and now that we're together, I can't seem to get enough of you."

This was part of what was wrong with us. I knew I was too focused on him to the point of being blind to the rest of the world, but it was not even close to his level of obsession. It brought back my thoughts from throughout the day. I kept coming back to the same thing. I shouldn't be with him, but I knew there was no way I could leave.

I had one option that was workable, stay with him and fight hard to make things work. "Jasper, say something to make me believe all this will work out in the end. Please."

He cupped my face in his hands and told me exactly what I needed to hear to keep going down a path I knew I shouldn't be on.

"You told me I will never have what I want until I figure out who I am. I know who I am. He's just hidden behind all the crap in my head. Help me get rid of that stuff. Help me be who I'm supposed to be. I can do it on my own, but if you help me, I can do it faster and easier. You push me, and no one else does. Please, Bella. Just help me."

For a man who hated to beg, he was sure good at it. "And who will I find when all the other is gone?"

"I'm a simple man. I love the warm feeling of the sun, fishing on Saturday mornings, ice tea on a summer day, and the sound of laughter. I believe in living slow and loving long. I have too much pride and way too many sins. Every morning after you left, I woke up saying your name hoping you would answer back but knowing you never would. I've loved you for three years, and I'll keep loving you the rest of my life. That is who I am."

And he was what I wanted. _Dammit._

"How long have you been rehearsing that?" I asked.

He laughed. "Where do you hide those needles you like to stab in my heart?"

"Right next to the knife you stab into mine. Now, tell me how long."

"At least three weeks. Did it work?"

Jasper knew very well that it worked. Admitting it would lose me nothing. "Stay with me."

He stayed, and sleep finally came.

* * * * * *

Jasper and I finally had our date on Friday night. It was the traditional dinner and a movie. Traditional didn't work for us. We didn't have a good time. The waiter spilled a drink on me, which ruined the rest of the evening. Jasper threatened to kick his ass. I was embarrassed, my man was livid, and the food sucked.

The movie was no better. Jasper was impatient to get home, and I felt the same way. For some reason, being around people that night made me nervous. I felt like I was waiting for tragedy to strike. A bus was going to plow into the building. An airplane would crash into the theater. Where these thoughts were coming from, I had no clue. I just wanted to get home where I knew we would be safe, assuming the house didn't get hit by a tornado.

We got back to his house, and Jasper's mood was still crap. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm just tired of this place. We're never alone. Rose is upstairs. Our friends are here half the time. I want you to myself, and I can't have that in this house."

Where was his brain? The solution was easy. "Let's go to your other one. You like it better anyway."

He stopped. "Are you serious? You'll go there with me."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Having you there means something different to me than having you here. To me, that's our house, and it's about our life. This is just a place I stay in because it's close to your place and doesn't make you feel – I don't know – like I'm pressuring you."

He had been super careful all day to give me space. I didn't have him constantly on my heels, which was a very good thing. He also kept his thoughts quiet when I went to work. It was such a change from earlier in the week and gave me hope that things would work out for us.

I couldn't even let tonight count against him because I knew most of his bad mood was from the stress of trying so hard to do everything right. Every move or word he said was carefully considered, and it was pretty clear how much it was wearing on him.

Jasper needed something that would make him feel more secure with us. It would help him relax and show him that we were good right now.

"Does this mean we can't go to the other house?" I asked. "I don't really understand the rules. What does it say if we stay there this weekend?"

"I'm being an idiot, aren't I?"

"You are not an idiot. You're just trying so hard to be good, and I appreciate it. But sweetie, you've got to relax. We're together. I may not officially live with you, but I don't have to for us to be a couple. You know that, right?"

"Then let's grab a few things and go home."

We were both in a rush to leave after he said that. It was fun to just get away together for the weekend. No one would be around to knock on the door or ask what our plans were. It would just be us. There was nothing better than that.

When we arrived at his house on the hill, the first thing I noticed was the kitchen. It was completely different.

"You redid the kitchen."

"The stove didn't work."

The stove was broke, so he remodeled the kitchen. It was so typical of him. I ran one of my hands over the dark countertop. It reminded me of the tables from my chemistry class in Forks. "What is this? It's not granite."

"Soapstone. I liked it better."

I had to agree. It fit the rustic look of the house. "It's very nice. I can already smell the food we'll cook in here."

I looked around and took in the different changes. The cabinets matched the beams in the ceiling better. This kitchen actually fit into the house more seamlessly than the original, but my favorite part was the cuckoo clock.

"I like the clock."

Jasper looked at me like he wanted to strangle me. "The clock? Are you kidding me?"

"No, it has bunnies. You can never go wrong with bunnies. Where did it come from?"

He laughed a little and shook his head. "Germany. My grandmother bought it there on her honeymoon years ago."

"It's unique. I like it."

"That's kind of funny."

Why did I feel like I just answered a question I didn't know he asked? "What's funny about it?"

"That clock was a joke of sorts between my grandparents. Gram would carry it with her to whichever house they were living in at the time. She said it was a reminder to my grandfather to keep himself in line."

"What's the story behind that?"

Jasper frowned at the clock. "Someday I'll tell you."

I switched topics. "So, if the front door stops working, will you buy a new house?"

"Nah. I'll just remind you it opens the other direction."

Funny."Has anyone ever told you that you go a little overboard with stuff sometimes? You buy me cows, and you redo a room because an appliance doesn't work. It's just a little much."

"I don't know any other way to be."

Jasper gave me a quick tour of the rest of the house. The first room he showed me was the study. He then showed me two different bedrooms I hadn't seen before bringing me further down the hall to the room I stayed in before.

It was different today. A chaise lounge was placed near the window. I could read in that spot. It would be perfect for that. There was also an alarm clock on the bedside table and new pictures on the wall. When I looked closer, I realized it was our lake and pictures from around the cabin.

"Why did you do this?" I asked.

"I knew you would end up back here eventually."

And I knew this wasn't his room. He might be okay with us being here, but we wouldn't stay together in his room until it was permanent. He didn't even have to explain it to me. I just knew.

The best part of the day was when we relaxed in the living room. I plopped down on a chair and melted into the cushions. "I don't think we can do normal," I complained.

Jasper leaned against a wall. "Fuck normal. It's overrated."

"Would you be offended if I said I don't want to go on a date with you again?"

"I'd be more offended if you said you did."

I laughed so hard I swear I hurt my stomach. "Why is that we never can do the regular things right?"

"Hell if I know." He reached up to his shirt pocket and then groaned when he found it empty. He knocked the back of his head into the wall a few times. "Fuck," he yelled.

He was still stirred up. "What's wrong?"

"I need a cigarette and a drink."

A drink did sound good. "Who says you can't have the last one?"

"Well, alrighty," he said with a smile. "I like the way you think."

This was a great plan. All of my best decisions came when I had a drink in my hands, right? Yeah. Not so much.

* * *

**Author's Note: I loved reading everyone's thoughts on Edward. This chapter I'm curious about people's thoughts on Rosalie. Is anyone suspicious of her friendship with Bella, or do you think she is being genuine? I would love to hear what you think.  
**

**The next chapter will be from Jasper's POV. It should be posted next Wednesday.  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 20 - Bundle Of Crazy

**Jasper POV**

_I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen peas for my face. "Why are you still here?" I asked Edward._

_I was not a fan of him either. If he was drinking, he wasn't such an annoying ass. It was the pretending that bugged me. I liked him a shitload better when he was acting like himself instead of a mini-Carlisle. I didn't even know this Edward. The confidence was a little unnerving, and right now, he was very confident. Over what, I had no clue._

"_What would it take to get you to leave her alone?" he asked._

_Was he serious? "Not a damn thing."_

_Edward crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a counter. "What if she didn't want you? Would you listen?"_

_Something about his question struck me as being off. His tone wasn't questioning. He was telling me something, not asking. The cocky smile added to the picture, a picture I didn't understand._

"_Come on, Jasper," he taunted. "You're smarter than this."_

_What had he been doing lately? A few things slowly started hitting me. The bar. The brunette he kept pushing at me. Had he set me up the night of the dinner? Was it all to get me in trouble with Bella? Was it to make me look worse in Esme and Carlisle's eyes? I knew the doc hated me. So, what would be the point of making it worse? Unless Edward wanted to show them I hadn't changed at all._

_Other things came together. It was him telling me shit about Laurent and Bella. Alice playing that stupid song. Then there was how happy Edward looked when I was being a jerk at the birthday thing. What was it he said that night? I knew Victoria was all pissed about it. His three month lease pouted like Alice when I cut her allowance. _

_Store. Patience. Out of his size. The store was out of his size because I already bought it. He wanted my shoes. He wanted My Bella. _

_It didn't even register right that he might want her. Shit didn't make sense. Why hadn't he made a move before I showed up? When did I ever see him with her? I rarely saw them talk or interact. His eyes didn't say love when he looked at her. I knew what motivated him in life. He was all about making Carlisle happy. _

_Edward smiled when he saw I was starting to figure it all out. He was laying his cards on the table hoping I would kick his ass and give Bella another reason to hate me. What a noble sacrifice. It wasn't going to work, but I had to admire his dedication. _

_I tossed the peas down onto the counter. I didn't know what to do with this smug bastard. I couldn't hurt him. Bella would get pissed, and it would only help his cause. I couldn't ignore the threat he presented, even when I knew it wasn't much. Bella would never love him. It just wouldn't happen. So, what was his game? I had to ask._

"_Do you even love her, Edward? Or is this about saving her from me to impress your daddy?"_

_

* * *

  
_

"Oh, I love her. And unlike you, I'll treat her right. Making my father happy is just a sweet bonus."

Seeing Bella with Laurent pissed me off. Imagining her with Edward was a different thing entirely. He could have her over my dead fuckin' body. This prick already had more than I ever did. He was not getting Bella.

"Bullshit. If you loved her, you would have made a move before I ever showed up."

"Don't you think I wish I had? I didn't realize how I felt until the day before she saw you at that diner. Between you and Laurent, I had no chance."

He was off his fuckin' rocker. "You still have no chance."

"Yes, I do. You finally messed up enough where Bella won't want to have anything to do with you. When Emmett and I tell her you've been stalking her, you're done. She'll run a hundred miles in the other direction, and guess who will be standing there to make her feel better. It won't be you. It'll be me."

The bastard threw more at me. "And if she does talk to you, you'll have to keep your mouth shut about what I've done and how I feel. Because if you don't, I'll tell Bella all the shit you've done. How will she feel when she finds out about your house in Port Angeles where you traded free rent for sex? Does she know you bought drugs for Alice and liquor for me? What about your drug problem? Are you still hooked on pain killers? Should I keep going, or have I made my point?"

He was right. If Bella ever learned about the shit from my past, she would just run faster. I was fucked. There was nothing I could do to fix any of this. She would never come near me again. I lost her. I finally lost her.

Edward started walking to the front door. Before he left, he smiled at me. "Keep in touch. I'll send you pictures of our wedding."

Her and him, it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let it. "Stay away from her. You can't imagine the shit I'll do to you if you touch her."

"That's exactly why she shouldn't be with you. Look at yourself, Jasper. You're not a person. You're a monster. How long before you lose your temper and hurt her? How long before you turn into your father?"

"I don't have to turn into him to kick your ass. Now, get the fuck out of my house."

He left with that twisted smile still on his face. I slammed the door shut behind him. I wanted to go after him, but I couldn't. Anything I did would just be further proof that I was dangerous. It would diminish my already slim chances.

_What chance? I failed. She hates me. Edward is right. _

Gone. Everything was gone. Emmett was already talking to her. She was scared of me. I could feel it. All the lights inside of me were shutting off. There was nothing. I had nothing.

I sat down on the sofa and stared down at the floor. Visions of her tangled up with Edward ruled my thoughts. Him touching her. Her enjoying it. Laughter. Smiles. Pleasure. Over and over, the thoughts played like a movie in my head. I couldn't turn them off.

Every time I saw a new image, I destroyed something. A few chairs. Books I knew she would love were thrown to the floor with pages torn out. Glasses I pictured her drinking from were now shattered across the tiles in the kitchen. Any decorations on the wall were ripped away because I knew she had seen them.

Within an hour, my house was a wreck. It matched my life.

* * * * * *

Frozen carrots were useless as fuck. I needed more peas. I also needed to get the hell off the floor and go kidnap my girl. To hell with patient, if I didn't grab her tonight, I wouldn't have another chance. My grandfather had the right idea. A person should take what they want. I could do that.

Some dumb bastard was knocking on my door. I told them to leave. They didn't listen. What the hell did I need to do to get these assholes to leave me alone? I was planning a kidnapping here. That took a fair bit of concentration.

There was a tree by her window. She would let me in. From there, things would fall into place, unless she refused to come with me. Knocking her out wasn't an option. I couldn't hurt her. What else could I do? Threats would work. There wasn't much I wouldn't do to get what I wanted. She already knew that.

My plan was set. After I got rid of this person, I would wait an hour and then make my move.

Who was I kidding? I couldn't kidnap her. Bella would get scared. She would hate me. I would hate me. I couldn't do it. Fuck.

This girl owned me. I would do anything for her. Anything. She could cut my throat giving me a bloody smile across my neck, and I would make the one on my face match. She owned every piece of me, and I had nothing of her.

It wasn't fair. Didn't I deserve some small piece? Something to say this part was mine. Something to justify the wreck that was my life. Something that made all this worth it. All these thoughts bombarded me as I lay there wishing she wasn't a thousand miles away even when she was just three doors down.

The noise in my head stopped. I was more fucked up than I thought because I could swear I heard her voice.

I opened my eyes and decided my vision was just as messed up as my ears. Bella was sitting next to me wrapped up in a robe.

Tonight was the lucky night I finally lost my mind. It had been a long time coming. My grandfather. My dad. Both of them were leading opposite fights in the battle for my soul. They must have killed each other because Bella didn't belong in their world. She belonged in the one I wanted but could never have.

I sat up and touched her robe. This was real. "You're really here."

"Yes, I'm really here. Now, what happened to your face?"

Who the hell cared? She was here, and nothing else was important.

"Yes, it does. If someone hit you, I want to know about it."

_Huh? Did I talk?_ I must have because she responded to something.

Bella reached a hand out, and I caught it with one of my own. Hers were so small and delicate compared to mine. Everything about her was compared to me. I could crush her with the weight of my emotions. It would be easy to do. Hell, half the time I wanted to. Breaking her and twisting her into the same mess I was would wreck us both, but I sometimes I still felt the need to do it.

_Concentrate on the now, dumbass._

This was the only night I had to win her over. I was willing to do anything and say anything to make her stay. Any care I had for how she felt left as I focused all my thoughts on what I needed to do to accomplish my goal. If I had to use lies or manipulation, I would do it.

She was mine, even if she didn't want to be. I was keeping her this time. She could run. I would follow. She could scream. I would buy some earplugs to block out the sound. She could fight, and I would hold her down. After tonight, this girl was going to be mine. I didn't care if she liked it or not.

Hours later, I was lying in bed marveling at the miracle sleeping beside me. She loved me, and she finally let me have her after all these years. I didn't have to lie or force her to stay with me. Everything played out better than I ever imagined. She only tried to leave once, but I stopped her without her even realizing I wouldn't have let her get far. How lucky did I get?

Seeing her here with me should have been enough. It wasn't. My mind started telling me bad shit. Nothing bad about her. That wasn't gonna happen ever. It was telling me that she was finally mine. It was begging me to find some way to always keep her close to me. If I kept her close, I could protect her.

Others would whisper to her and make her question my good intentions. I couldn't let that happen. We were always at our best when people left us alone. Was it wrong to want to protect what we had? No. It would be wrong not to protect us. It wasn't about me controlling her. I was about me protecting _our_ happiness. I had to do it.

The truth was simple. I wanted her to make decisions, but there were some that just had to be taken out of her hands. I would never make her do something she didn't want to do. What I would do was make sure I was always with her. If I was there, her brother and our friends wouldn't say shit. I would keep watch and never let anyone hurt us. I would ruin anyone who tried.

* * * * * *

**Next Morning.**

A ballerina figurine was flying at my head. I ducked and heard it shatter behind me. A cat collar, prescription bottles, and a few more figurines followed. Alice screaming shit at me accompanied all of it. I needed to pay more attention to Gidget before the bitch killed me.

"Why her?" _Because I love Bella._

"Anyone but her?" _No. Only her._

"I hate her." _I love her._

"What about us?" _There was no us._

The bundle of crazy collapsed on the floor into a blubbering mess. If this was Bella, I would care because she didn't pretend. Alice was an actress looking for sympathy, and I didn't care in the least.

I didn't until her tear filled eyes met mine. "You'll never love me, will you? All those times, I thought you cared, but you just used me."

_Times? _"What the hell are you talking about?"

More crying. "Sex, Jasper. I'm talking about sex."

Her hand on my dick was not sex. It just fuckin' wasn't. Being in her mouth was a gray area, but it still wasn't sex. And none of that shit had happened since the summer before senior year.

The night it stopped was crap. Alice threw a party. I didn't want to go. Edward passed out early in the evening. Alice and I had been playing around for a few months. I was bored, and she was available. It all ended when Rose caught us.

At the time, I thought her yelling at me was stupid. Later, I thought about what I was doing and where it was going, and I still didn't care. I only cared when I fell for Bella. Imagining her even kissing another guy made me want to die. Edward knew Alice wanted me, but he didn't know I had been messing with her.

I was a shitty friend to everyone, especially the two of them. A friend wouldn't be the selfish prick that I was. A friend would get Alice the hell out of my house and make her realize it was never happening for us.

I felt for the girl. She never had a real shot at happy. Her parents didn't give a shit about her, and the only people who ever looked out for her were just as messed up as she was. Her being out of her mind didn't help. The obsession she had for me started when we were kids. People picked on her all the time for being so small and chatty. I got tired of seeing her cry and defended her. After that, I couldn't get rid of her.

When I came back from living with my grandmother for those two years down here in Texas, Alice became unbearable. I put in minimal effort to keep her friendship, and she never picked up the hint.

Things got better when Rosalie showed up. She was followed by Emmett and then Edward. Before long, we were a little group. They kept her occupied, and I finally got some peace and quiet. It was all good until my life slowly grew darker than it already was and the thoughts in my head turned worse.

Had I been a better person, I would have helped Alice a long time ago, but I wasn't better. I was a stupid kid that didn't know the damage I was doing. I knew now, and I had to stop. She needed to be around people who really cared about her. I didn't and never would.

"I want you to move out. No more money. No more car. I'm done taking care of you. Go live with Emmett. Hell, go live with Carlisle and Esme. Just go."

Alice cried out wanting a reason. The truth was I wanted to help her. If I told her that, she would twist it into something else, so I lied. "You should have kept your mouth shut about me watching Bella. If you aren't loyal, I have no use for you. Now, pack your shit and get out."

* * * * * *

**Monday**

I was sitting in a chair in the bookstore waiting for Bella. She was due to get off in a half hour. This working bullshit was just stupid. What the fuck was the point? The money was crap, and the hours could be put to better use. We had much more important shit to do.

Go camping. We could hike. Study together. Make love. Laugh at this silly squirrel that kept coming up to the back window of my house. We needed to get a feeder for the little guy. Bella liked him. She even named him Fred.

"You're wasting your time coming in here." It was the rat-faced kid I knew worked here. I didn't even know his name.

Answering was too much work. I just looked at him.

"She won't go out with you."

Fine with me. Dating was optional in my book. I was already sleeping with her.

Rat Boy was in serious denial. "It's a secret, but you should know she and I are dating. You should just give up and go home."

Funny. "I'll keep that in mind."

He scurried off because rodents did that. I went back to my book. His false hopes didn't bother me.

A jingle of metal. Victoria and her stupid wallet chains.

I almost felt bad for the girl. It was pretty obvious her boyfriend wasn't giving her what she was begging for. Three years ago, I would have been all up on Red Sonya, but I was a reformed man. She didn't even make my dick twitch. From the look of things, she couldn't get her boyfriend's to either. If she could, he wouldn't be thinking about Bella so damn much.

Edward fuckin' Cullen. He was at the top of my shit list. He was probably sitting at home with his chessboard trying to figure out a way to win the game he thought we were playing. Bella coming to me had ruined all his work. I was surprised he hadn't started dropping information into her ears about me, but I figured he was just coming up with a new plan.

I didn't tell her about the shit he was pulling. I didn't tell her he wanted her. I didn't say shit about any of it. For one, I knew he would tell her everything I had done. Beyond that, how was I supposed to explain what was going on without sounding paranoid or jealous?

_Edward is sabotaging me. _Paranoid.

_He wants you. _Jealous.

The words violent and obsessive were already working against me. Did I need to add two more? No. And letting her know Edward was another option would be dumber than fuck. I could see them together so clear in my head. They made sense. Hell, they made more sense than Bella and me. Edward and her were white picket fences and two kids. We were counseling sessions and a security fence.

The stupid bastard had always been irritating. When he lost it over his parents lying to him, I wanted to slap him in the head and tell him to stop being such a pussy. Esme and Carlisle were good people. Edward didn't even know what he had. Two parents who loved him. Two people who would do whatever it took to keep him safe. He already had more than me, but it wasn't enough. He wanted my girl.

Prissy Boy had waited patiently for the right time to sweep in and woo her, but he was too late to the party. That was why guys like him never got what they wanted. Not me, I went after what I wanted when I wanted it. He didn't play that way, and it was why he would lose. If a person wasn't strong enough to take what they wanted, they didn't deserve it in the first place.

"What did you do to her?" Victoria's annoying voice dragged me back.

Several very specific memories made me smile. "Nothing."

"You're lying."

I flipped a page in my book. "Why would I lie?"

She crouched down in front of me and took the book out of my hands. "Because you know I won't like the truth."

"The truth is none of your business, and you liking it or not doesn't mean shit to me."

A challenging stare. I was amused. Victoria had some balls. "Bella is my friend."

Common knowledge. Pointless statement. "Cut the shit, Big Red. We both know what you're really pissed about. Edward wants Bella. End of story. Hell, you should be thanking me for making her unavailable."

The dumb girl didn't even hear me. She just kept on her script. "I was wrong about you."

Most people were. They believed what they wanted to believe. It was their problem, not mine.

"Bella is wrong about you, Victoria. I haven't told her about you offering me a piece. Should I?"

She ignored her own dirty laundry again. "I don't know what you did to make her stay with you, but it couldn't have been good, not with what I know about you."

This stupid chick didn't know shit. She just thought she did.

I had to help her get a clue. "Play the good friend by warning Bella away from me. She won't listen, but it'll make you look good to your boyfriend. When you're done with that, get Edward drunk and fuck him. Then, we all get what we want. You'll have him, and he'll stop sniffing around what's mine."

She didn't respond.

"And dye your hair brown. He likes brunettes."

Victoria had to go and act all offended and shit. "You really are the lowest form of life, aren't you?"

Probably. But if she listened to me, what did that make her?

* * * * * *

**Wednesday**

A dozen photos were spread out over the desk in front of me. Staring back at me was a woman completely unfamiliar to me. She could have been any random stranger, but she wasn't. She was my mother.

The green eyes I remembered so well were covered by blue contacts. Her blond hair was dyed red and hung to her waist, and she was dressed like some chick fresh out of Woodstock.

This shit couldn't be right. There was no way in hell this was my mom. "You're just messing with me, right?"

Demetri had worked for me for three years. He was the one who found Bella and kept an eye on her for me. And now, he found this.

"It's her. She made contact a month ago with an old friend from Forks. They talked for an hour before your mom got spooked and hung up."

An hour. A lot could be said in an hour. I let myself start to hope for just a second. Did she ask about me? Did she mention me at all? I had to know. "What did they talk about?"

"Old memories from school. They traded a few recipes. Shared some stories about what was going on in their lives."

"Is that all?"

His apologetic eyes told me she didn't say shit about me. All those old feelings came back. I wanted to crawl into a deep hole and just disappear into nothing. It wouldn't be hard. I wasn't much to begin with. If I was, she would have taken me with her, but she didn't.

I had to get away from these photos of this stranger. The smile on her face clawed at my skin. The sparkle in her eyes made my own eyes water. Why was she so goddamn happy when I wasn't?

Demetri handed me a file before I left. "Everything is in here."

Six years I waited for something, and this was what I got. I took the file but only because I planned on burning it. "My mom died six years ago. This is just some crazy bitch in a costume."

"There's more you need to know. Read the file."

What I needed was Bella. I had to see her. It wasn't even an option. She was the only person who could make the noise stop.

The ten minute drive took hours. I tried calling her multiple times but didn't get an answer. When I walked in the house, I searched every room and found nothing. Staying calm was impossible. My head was telling me shit that didn't make any sense.

She waited until I left her alone and then disappeared. Someone took her away from me. She was hiding from me. She was playing some sick game. She was hurt. There was an accident. The thoughts wouldn't stop.

I called her number again, and her phone rang from the kitchen. Fuck. Where the hell was she? I ran down to Emmett's. He told me she was with Edward. That helped. I hated him, but if she was with him, she was fine.

I returned to my house and waited. It was a long hour. I tried to calm down, but it wasn't working. Too many bad thoughts raged through my mind. I sat on the floor of the living room waiting and hoping Bella would get home soon.

I heard a noise on the porch. When I threw the front door open, I found a wet, perky nippled Bella covered in grass stains and mud. This was just not okay. Also not okay was Edward staring at her chest like he wanted to milk her.

After the day I had, this was the last shit I needed. I wanted to hold her close and breathe in her sweet smell. I could let the bad thoughts fade and her warm heart take over. With her, I could forget my mom. I didn't get what I needed. Jealousy took over and added to the hurricane blowing in from the south.

"Why the hell are you soaked, and why do you look like you've been rolling around in the grass?"

The smiling, happy bastard answered. "We were playing in the rain. Bella got tackled a few times."

He tackled her? Bella was smart enough to explain before I killed him. "It wasn't him. It was a pack of third graders. We were playing football."

She was out having fun with a bunch of kids while I sat here thinking wild shit in my head and feeling useless and unwanted. I felt like a dumbass for worrying about her, and I was pissed that she was out enjoying life when I needed her here with me. None of it was right.

"I hope you two had fun."

Those chocolate eyes melted away part of my anger, and I warmed up inside just from her saying two simple words. "We did."

I didn't doubt she had fun, and I bet Edward had loads of fun enjoying the view. "Bella, you should go get a shower. I'll join you in a minute."

Edward wanted to hit me. _That's right, asshole. I get to play with her in the shower while you're back home jacking off. _

He hugged her, and she didn't have a clue that it was all about having her breasts pressed up against him. She also didn't know he watched her ass when she walked in the house. How could she not know he wanted her? Was she blind?

The door closed, and the stupid bastard started throwing words at me hoping I would lose it. "She feels as good as she looks. I can't wait to start working on those kids of ours. That little smile she gets on her face sure makes a man think, doesn't it? And those legs. Damn. Strong, firm. They'll feel real nice wrapped around my waist."

I grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall. "Shut your mouth, Cullen."

"Why don't you shut it for me?"

Oh, I could easily shut him up, but one of the quickest ways to lose what I had was to kick his ass. I let him go. I had to. If I hit him once, I wouldn't stop. I felt like a neutered dog. I couldn't do shit, and he knew it.

Of all days, why did have to pick this one to mess with my head again? I was still agitated from earlier. I didn't want Bella to know. She would want more of that talking crap I hated. Talking wouldn't help. All I wanted was to pound something into the ground. Not being able to do that just made me want it more.

Edward started saying more crap causing the storm to build up again. It was all the same and none of it good. Bella was going to leave me. I would screw up. I couldn't hold on to her. I would fail. I always did. He would win. It would be their life and their love. I would have nothing. Always nothing.

He left, and my day got worse. Much worse. I reasoned out a solution to my problems. I couldn't fight, but I could fuck. It broke all the rules I set up in my head. There were only a few. I wasn't supposed to touch her when I was angry. I wasn't supposed to lose control. Being with Bella was supposed to always be about love.

I shouldn't have touched her, but I did. It started fine, but it went to hell when visions of her being with Edward took over. I was trying so hard to pretend everything was fine when it wasn't. All my control slipped. The love left, and a blind need to stake a claim took over me. She wasn't Bella anymore. She was simply Mine. A thing that belonged to me. A thing to make me feel better. And I did feel better, until she touched me.

For the first time, I didn't want it to be her with me, and I didn't want it to be her voice I heard. Both delivered a hard truth I had feared all along. Bella wasn't enough to make me good again. I wanted the lie back. I wanted to believe she could fix what was wrong with me. All I saw when I looked at her was one more way I failed.

I hated her for not being enough, and I hated me for needing so damn much. Seeing her hurt and confused added to it all. I was failing us both. So, I left her there and let the monster in my head rage again. Everything I felt crashed in on me when I left that room.

I was breaking shit left and right and punching walls until I saw something that woke me up. It was stupid the things that would catch my eye and make the calm return. A fuckin' bowl of apples. For three years, I bought them for someone who wasn't around, and now, I was doing my best to push that person away after finally getting her.

What was she even doing with me? There would be no fairy tale ending for us. We wouldn't ride off into the sunset on a white horse. My horse was black, and the fucker breathed fire. He pissed on sunsets and told people to get a realistic dream. Life wasn't a fairy tale and happy endings were for saps.

I knew all this, but Bella didn't. In her dreams, the world was as beautiful as her heart. In mine, I was drowning in a gray world where the only beauty I saw was her. Waves crashed around us, and with each surge of water, her color faded more. I was going to be the death of this girl, and she would hold my hand when the water finally took us both.

Walking away was what I should have done the first day I really saw her. Walking away was what I should have done on this day. I didn't then, and I wouldn't now. I couldn't. All I could do was try to fix the mess I caused.

Bella didn't want me touching her. I didn't blame her. Why would she when a half hour earlier I was pushing her away from me? I had so much to say, but I couldn't talk. Fear of doing the wrong thing again took over, and it left me mute.

"You need to say something good, Jasper. Something that will wipe away the last hour."

She pushed and pushed like everyone else, and what I gave her she didn't want to hear. "I'm not gonna lie, Bella. I do want to hurt you, and I do want to punish you. Sometimes, I want it more than anything. Life is easier when I don't have to fight so hard to be the person I think you deserve just on the simple hope that it's enough to keep you with me."

It was only half of what was wrong, but it was something.

She said something that brought my fears out again. "Today. This. The awful way you made me feel. All of it makes me want to run a thousand miles away from you. When you treat me good, all I want to do is stay."

Edward was right. She would leave me. I would screw up even worse than today, and she would leave. I shouted out my fears. "You are never going to stay with me. Six weeks. One year. Something will happen, and you'll leave. I know it, and you know it."

"If that's what worries you, why are you pushing me away? If you're scared or angry, talk to me. If you need me, let me know how, and I will help you. What do you need right now? I swear I'll give it to you. All you have to do is tell me. That's all you ever have to do."

I sat down and tried to gather all my words together. There were so many I needed her to hear, and it was all cluttered up inside me. If I spit them all out immediately, it would come out wrong, and it was imperative I get this right.

Bella got impatient and thought I was shutting myself off again. She went to take a shower, and it gave me the time I needed. We finally talked, and I told her some of what I was thinking. How that girl could forgive so much when I gave her so little was a mystery to me. I didn't deserve her. I never would.

* * * * * *

My angel was gone the next morning, and in her place, a dragon appeared. I deserved every word she yelled at me, except when it came to Edward. Everything else was spot on.

I shouldn't have pressured her to quit her job. It was a stupid idea. The bookstore made her happy, and anything that made her happy made me happy. I was just annoyed that it took time away from us. After three years apart, didn't we deserve as much time together as possible? I thought so.

The sex the day before was fucked up, and I knew I made her feel like crap. I had pretty much reverted back to the person I was before. I used women to make myself feel better. After I was finished with them, I left. They weren't people to me. They were just a temporary solution to a permanent fuckin' problem. Basically, I was an incurable asshole.

The thing with them was they didn't care. Sex was the same thing to them that it was to me. It wasn't emotional. It was a simple physical act. No love. No tenderness. Nothing but two people getting what they wanted.

And getting what I wanted yesterday left Bella bruised up. Kicking my own ass wasn't an option. If anyone else had done that to her, I would have lost it completely. That it was me left me feeling blank. It didn't seem real to me. I couldn't grab any one thing and say this was how I felt.

Bella left, and I stood there. Blank.

* * * * * *

I got Rosalie to follow Bella over to the other house. She was constantly at Edward's side insuring he didn't get a second alone with my girl. I didn't know what he wanted to talk to her about, but it wasn't happening today. Bella was pissed enough at me. I didn't need him adding to it.

When he finally took off for parts unknown, Rose bombarded me with questions. After I was done telling her what the punk had been up to, I hit her with some questions of my own. She had spent a good hour with Bella. I needed to know what was said.

I got turned down flat. It was a first. "I'm not telling you anything."

"Rosey, I need help to make this work. Just tell me what Bella said today."

The flower in her bloomed red. "If you want information out of her, ask her yourself. Bella is not just some girl to me. She is Emmett's sister, but even if she wasn't, she is my friend."

"But I'm your cousin and practically your brother. Help me out?"

Those well-manicured wheels were turning. "She told me what she envisioned her ideal future to be."

Eureka. My cousin held more information in her head than any other person in our group besides me. "And what does she envision?" I asked.

"I just wanted to taunt you with the info. I don't plan on passing it on, and if you really think about it, Jas, you don't want me to."

I hated when people couldn't keep their mouths shut. It was a small part of what was keeping me quiet about Edward.

Rose kept on. "Have you ever thought about how hard it must be for her to trust people? Her father hates her. We all treated her like crap in high school. You drive her insane. People just keep knocking her down, and she gets right back up. I'm not going to be one more person who lets her down."

There was a time in my life when I pictured myself running an army made out of chicks. Women flocked to me. They obeyed like the trained puppies they were and gave me little grief. I didn't know what the fuck had happened, but that shit left. Every woman in my life was kicking my ass.

Bella was pissed at me, which I deserved. She still didn't listen for shit and was always going to be too nice for her own good. Add in selective blindness to Edward's crap, and she had returned to frustrating the hell out of me. I wanted to shake the girl and tell her to open her eyes.

Alice was back to trying to stick her hands down my pants. When she felt her position was threatened, she resorted to trying to get me to sleep with her. Throwing her out of my house kicked up her libido worse than any other time before.

I had thought Rose would be in my corner. She wasn't. Hell, she was probably leading the revolt against me.

"What do you want besides Bella?" she asked. "Have you ever really thought about it?"

It was all I used to think about. I knew I would never get it, but it didn't stop me from wishing I could.

"I just want something simple. Everything is so messed in my life. Business bullshit that I hate. Fake friends. Shitty parents. My own crap that weighs me down. What's wrong with just a simple life where people are honest and good? I've never had that, and it's what I want."

Hell, it was what Rosalie wanted, too. It was the reason Emmett appealed to her so much. And what the hell was she smiling about? "Why are you so happy?"

She used one of my own favorite lines against me. "Someday I'll tell you."

Her laughing at me was no help at all. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"You should just tell Bella how you feel and what you want. I think it would help you two out if you opened up more about yourself. She puts so much faith in you, Jasper, and you give her so little of yourself. If you want this relationship to work, you have to let her in."

I knew that, but it wasn't something I could just do. "What if the truth makes her leave?"

"Loving someone doesn't mean you have to always like them or the things they do. Bella knows that, or she wouldn't be with you to begin with."

Rose talked like I needed an idiot's guide to love, which I probably did. I was one slow fuck when it came to understanding what it was and how it worked. My knowledge began and ended with the brunette who somehow managed to make all my days and nights about her.

The one thing I was absolutely sure of was that I had to find a way to keep her with me. Losing her wasn't something I could take. Trying to control her world and limiting the access people had to her wasn't going to work. It made her feel suffocated and caged up. Honesty and all the other nonsense was just going to open her eyes to all the things Edward said would make her want to run. I couldn't let her run. Together we were happy. We had to stay together.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, I know the Alice in this fic isn't popular with most people. Does anyone feel a little more sympathetic to her after getting more information about her?  
**

**The next chapter will also be a Jasper POV. It is going to be different from his other ones. His chapters always cover past events, but the next one will be from the present and will move the story forward. It directly follows where Chapter 19 left off.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. The next chapter should be posted next Wednesday.  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 21 - Red Rubber Ducky

**Jasper POV**

**Present day**

I'd seen a lot of beautiful shit in this world. Women. Rain. The night sky. Sunsets. The ocean. Tonight, I decided all that was a joke.

There was nothing more beautiful than my girl drunk and sitting cross-legged on the floor. Her legs were bare and that sick fuckin' shirt she was wearing had ridden up to her hips. I got a sweet peek at the black boyshorts she was wearing every time she leaned back or took another drink.

My eyes were wandering. I had to concentrate. "Where did you get that shirt?"

It was a black t-shirt with a demented red rubber ducky on it. His eyes were sewn shut, but somehow the little fucker still kept staring at me. He looked like he wanted to stab me in my sleep. Every time I looked at her legs, the little bastard gave me the evil eye. When my eyes settled between her legs, I could swear I heard a warning quack off in the distance.

How much did a person have to drink to hear birds that weren't really there? Not much. I was barely buzzing when the noise started. It had to be the guilt quacking because I didn't have a duck. The more I drank the less I heard, which was nice.

Bella slurred out an answer. "Jane. My sophomore roommate."

Ah, Jane. Goth chick with one eyebrow. It didn't even stretch over two eyes. It was just the one. The crazy bitch shaved off the left one. I should have known she would give my sweet girl demonic sleep clothes.

"Was she a lesbian?" I always assumed she was.

Chestnut hair bounced around and left me transfixed. Her hair was asking me to play with it. Her shaking head was telling me her roommate was straight.

I took the bottle away from her and enjoyed another drink. With her hands empty, Bella leaned back and rested on her elbows. It gave me too good of a look. I was already hard. Being stuffed inside these jeans was seriously starting to fuckin' hurt.

I stood up carefully. "I'll be back in a minute."

She smiled. No clue. I didn't know what was hotter. The body or the innocent smile on her face. The girl was going to be the death of me.

I was trying so hard to be the good guy for a change. The shit that happened two days ago had seriously messed me up in the head. Touching her now just felt wrong. Plus, she was drunk off her ass. The nice guy in me had rules against that. My dick didn't agree, but listening to him had gotten me in enough trouble this week.

As I walked to my bedroom, I pictured every horrible image I could to try to tame my thoughts. Grandmothers. Dead pigs. Bella's brother. That helped. Emmett was a scary bastard when it came to his sister. I was lucky he didn't kill me that first morning Bella and I were together.

I saw the look on his face before I carried her off. He wanted to kill me. The knowledge that I had been watching Bella for years only made it worse. I didn't do myself any favors by losing my temper and destroying my house. On top of that, Edward was poisoning the well with bullshit. I was damn lucky I had Rose whispering in the big guy's ear and that Emmett mostly just wanted Bella to be happy.

Even if he hadn't accepted us and wanted to kick my ass, it would have been fine because being with Bella made all the pain worth it.

Pain. Taking off my clothes was the best feeling in the world. No. Being in Bella beat that by a mile.

I found some loose fitting flannel pants that were a hell of a lot more comfortable. Loose was the operative word. I would need that with fancy pants flashing her panties at me every five seconds.

The shirt I grabbed wasn't for me. It was to get rid of the duck before he gave me nightmares. Girls liked wearing men's shirts. Bella wouldn't hesitate to change. Thank God.

When I returned to the living room, I found my favorite legs sticking out from under the coffee table. "What the hell are you doing?"

Pretty fingers waved up at me through the glass. Only her. I walked to the other side and grabbed her hands pulling her out from under the table. She giggled up at me. For a serious girl, she did some silly shit.

"Jasper." My name. Her lips. Incredible.

Everything about her drew me in. Her smile. Her laugh. The way she would let things rest. She didn't demand answers if I wanted to stay quiet. She would wait until I was ready to give them. There was a level of trust between us because of that. No one else ever let me just be. Bella did.

She was also driving me batshit crazy. I could never predict her reaction to anything. I built her a new kitchen, and she commented on the clock with the bad story and the hidden reminders. I bought her cows, and she thought it was too much. I could only imagine her reaction to the new bathroom. She would probably comment on the soap.

I tossed her the shirt. "The duck keeps looking at me. I don't like him."

Her big, beautiful eyes blinked up at me. "It's just a duck."

"The fucker ain't right."

No hesitation. Bella took off the shirt and slipped mine on. Her lips were moving. I could tell she was talking, but all I heard was this strange whistling in my head. Breasts. Nipples. Nice.

_Damn. _I needed another drink. Me back on the floor leaning against the wall with a bottle in my hand was smart. It kept my hands off her and my thoughts as clear as I could get them.

_What the hell is she doing now?_ My girl was on all fours crawling over to me.

She had to be doing this shit on purpose. I was certain of it when she took the bottle and slowly wrapped her hand around the neck. I watched her tilt it back and forth as she gripped it in her perfect little hands. Gouging out my eyes wouldn't be good, but it was tempting as all hell. This shit was just not fair. Then she raised the bottle to her lips and took a drink. Her tongue ran over her bottom lip, and my thoughts stopped being so fuckin' clear.

They became less clear when she reached a hand out and traced her fingers over the scars on my right shoulder. Bella touching me. Not good.

"Why are the scars so big? I thought they would be smaller."

My mind cleared. "They're from the glass table that broke my fall."

_And the four surgeries that followed. _Her fingers had glided over my scars more times than I could count this week. I was surprised she hadn't commented on them before.

"You could have bled to death." Horror coated the words. Tears would follow.

_Shit. Don't cry. _

I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. Subject change. "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

More lip licking. A pain in my heart. A rush of blood to my dick.

"Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra. The caramel with the ice cream is just delicious."

Of course. A sex flavor. Terrific. She wasn't even messing with me. It was really her favorite.

Her hand rested on my leg. When she started rubbing the cloth between her fingers, I was the one who needed a distraction. She was way too damn close to me. It was making it impossible for me to be good, and I had to show her I could be good.

_One night. I could go one more night without her._

"Do you wanna listen to some music?" I asked.

A bob of her head gave me a good answer and another perverted image. I stood up and reached out a hand to help her up. Bad idea. When she got to her feet, Bella leaned her whole body against mine. Everything I did was back firing.

_Music. Music. Music. _What would be neutral and non-sexual? My grandmother's music. Perfect. Dusty Springfield was about as sexual to me as a scooter.

Fail. My girl knew the words. All of them. What was hotter than Bella with her innocent eyes? Her voice singing songs she shouldn't know. She ruined Gram's music. Dammit.

Everything I found, she knew. Perfectly. It became a game. All the music was from the 60's and 70's. How did she know it? Alice and Rose didn't know any of this shit.

I decided it didn't matter. Bella singing and swaying to the music was now my favorite thing in the world. Lie. It was my second favorite thing. The devil was starting to win. If he did, I would get to do my favorite thing, but sex could wait a minute. I still wanted to watch my girl dance. For someone who failed miserably at being coordinated, she sure could shake those sweet, little hips.

I didn't care that she couldn't find the beat. I didn't care that she sang off-key and was funny as hell to watch. She was Bella, and everything she did shined bright to me because it was her doing it.

Even her looks were a little off. One ear was lower than the other, but I would never tell her. She didn't need to know it always made her sunglasses sit crooked. I thought it was cute as all hell. She also didn't need to know her hands were disproportionately small for her body. They were tiny little things. But again, they were cute as all hell.

A song change had my girl bouncing up and down. Nice.

The improvements I had tried to make in myself only went so far. Not touching a drunken Bella just wasn't likely to happen, no matter how hard I tried not to. No one was that good. And who the hell wanted to be? Life had to be worth living. And so what if I couldn't keep my hands off her. It was a compliment, right?

Bella shook that ass again, and I knew I was screwed.

_No. You're better than this. She's trashed. It's wrong._

She danced over to the window. Her fingers traced her reflection in the glass. She saw me coming, and her mirror image smiled at me. I smiled back.

Inches separated us. Decision time. Be good. Be bad. Both had their merits. Good. I could sleep at night and look at myself in the mirror. Bad. I would still sleep but probably do it a hell of a lot better. Looking at myself in the mirror wouldn't be a problem either. Maybe good was bad. It was starting to feel like it.

I needed to try harder. _Concentrate, you sick bastard. _

Good. No regrets in the morning. Bad. A case of blue balls that would kill me. Good. I would still like myself in the morning. Bad. My dick would hate me. Good. My heart…

Screw it. My hands gripped her hips and pulled her back against me. She wiggled against my cock, and her eyes told me she wasn't as innocent as I thought. Her hand helped that along when she reached back between us.

She turned around and looked up at me. I started to say something, but she held up an index finger to my lips to stop me. "You talk too much."

_Oh really. Well, okay. _

The finger trailed down my neck and my chest. It came to a stop at the ties on the front of my pants. She smirked up at me. With sure hands, she untied the strings and pushed my pants down.

Her hand on my dick. Her on her knees in front of me. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. I had to be fuckin' dreaming.

Not a dream. Her hand. Her tongue. Her mouth.

_Oh my fuckin' God. _It was better than I imagined.

Warm, wet. Up and down. Beautifully unskilled but still right.

I had to stop her. _She's not a nun, dumbass. And who the hell protects their girlfriend's virtue after a week spent sleeping with her? _

Bella looked up at me with injured eyes.

_Oh no. No. No. No. Don't cry._ I forgot about my pants wrapped around my feet and tripped when I moved. I caught myself by putting a hand on her shoulder. Not smart. She buckled under my weight, and we both fell down.

Now as much as I loved my girl, the first thought in my head wasn't about her. I was too busy thinking that if I landed on my dick it might break. Not cool. Was it bad to think that way? No. It was called having my priorities straight. I liked the guy, and judging from a few seconds ago, she did, too.

I heard a laugh and a snort. The laugh eased my mind. The snort made me bust out with a laugh of my own. I kicked off them damn pants and looked at Bella. Her face was red from laughing, and her eyes were even tearing up.

Only with her could I fall on my ass and still be in the best mood of my whole life. No matter what I had to do, I was going to find some way to keep her. I couldn't lose her. Ever. I loved her too much. It wasn't even a healthy love. Living without her just wasn't possible. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. No Bella. No Jasper. It was as simple as that.

She smiled, and my heart cracked open. I had to kiss her. She gasped. I liked it.

Her lips were soft. She tasted like strawberries and whiskey. Best flavor in the world. Her tongue was dangerous. Fuck. What the hell had I been thinking waiting three years? I was one dumb bastard.

The feel of her hair tangled around my fingers. How soft her skin was. Those sweet sounds coming from her mouth. She was perfect.

But the night wasn't. "Bella, you're drunk."

"So are you," she pouted.

_Not even a little._

Her hands moved down to her shirt. She played with the buttons nervously. What I wouldn't give to have a window into her mind. It would make life so much easier.

I pulled her up closer to me and kissed her forehead. "We don't have to have sex."

I was trying to be a good guy, and she took it the wrong way. "I knew I was going to make you mad or disappoint you. You're just telling me now."

"No. I just feel bad about the other day, and now, you're drunk. I don't know what is right or wrong, but I know I want you. Always. Every second."

"You're so sweet. I love you."

I stared at her lips. The words rang in my head. She loved me. I would never hear it enough. Ever.

And then my drunk girl sighed like a worn out angel. Apparently, loving me took a lot of work. She sure looked tired.

Or not. A small hand trailed down my chest. Bella started stroking me. Fuck being good. That shit was overrated, and it wouldn't get me laid.

Her eyes were filled with love and passion. She peeled off the rest of her clothes. It all should have been great, but it wasn't. My attention caught on the fucked up bruise on her hip. I hadn't touched her since I saw it. Seeing it again made me sick. I still wanted to cut off my hands. If I ever got an inkling that I was going to hurt her again, I would leave. I would walk away and let her world return to what it should be, free of me. Staying away would be nearly impossible, but I would try. I wouldn't have a choice. Hurting her again wasn't something I would allow.

"Jasper."

I didn't say anything. I lay there like a dumbass while I watched this girl I loved so much. I didn't know what to do. Touching her seemed wrong, but it was all I wanted.

I was lost. Me. The guy with all the experience. The one who was always in control of everything. Bella wasn't lost. She was crawling over the top of me and kissing along my chest. Sure. Confident. There was no doubt coming from her.

I gasped as she guided me to sanctuary. No barriers like every time before. It was just me and her. My fingers dug into her thighs. This felt so good. It got better when she placed her hands on mine and smiled at me. Everything with her was so much better than anything I experienced before.

My name escaped her lips in a low moan as she lowered herself taking more of me in. It was the sweetest song I had ever heard. Then she tightened her legs around me, and I think I found heaven. I just felt so much. There was her soft skin, and that indefinable warmth I felt from being inside of her. I never wanted to leave.

As good as that felt, the best part was her clasping her hands in mine when she began to move. I had had a lot sex in my life, but it never felt like what I had with her. God, I loved her so damn much.

The pace she set was slow and torturous. I loved it. Bella rolling her head back and groaning. Her slow grind. The way she rolled her hips. The feel of her breasts in my hands. All of it was killing me.

We found a rhythm. It didn't last long. Everything just felt so good. It got even better when her spine arched and the angle changed. How the hell did she get so damned good at this? I didn't know. I just needed more of it. I flipped her onto her back and set the final pace. It was faster and harder. She moaned and cried out. When I felt her tighten up around me and those sweet contractions, I was lost.

_Ah. _

_Bella. _

_Bella._

_Bella._

Could sex make you blind and stupid? I couldn't see or think. All I could do was feel, and damn, I felt good. I was never touching another girl for the rest of my life. None of them would compare to her. Ever. The love wouldn't be there. I needed that love now.

A minute later, I was again reminded of what I now found better than sex. Staring into Bella's eyes after sex. Nothing beat it. Nothing ever would. Her face was flushed. Her lips wore a mysterious half-smile. Her eyes were tired. Her breathing was heavy. I did that. We did that.

* * * * * *

I woke up in Bella's bed. The rest of last night was not so clear. I drank more, and we had a couple more rounds. She was too wasted to care that we didn't use anything, and I didn't much care myself. The asshole in me was pretty fuckin' pleased with himself. My body was still humming from what we had done. And if she did end up pregnant. Great. Beautiful. Perfect. I would sing from the top of a damn mountain. Nothing would make me happier.

A moan to my right. Shit. She was going to be miserable today. It was one more thing I screwed up. I let my girl drink too much.

The whole morning was rough. She was hungover. Luckily, I was mostly okay. One thing was easy to figure out. Drinking was bad, but taking care of Bella was good. I suffered like a punk through my own headache and waited on her hand and foot. Water. Yes, ma'am. Scrambled eggs. Of course. Toast. Right this second. Advil. Here was some water to take it with. She got whatever she wanted and anything I thought she might need.

When she was finally feeling better, I made her a bath and sat on the floor beside her. I ran my hands through the warm water, and every time they grazed against her, that half-smile would form on her lips. I loved that smile. It always made me wonder what she was thinking. She never smiled like that when I knew her before.

"I'm being a baby," she said in her soft, lyrical voice.

"As long as you're my baby, you can be however you want." It was the truth. She could do anything. I would just smile and take it.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. I loved watching her. Today was no different. Something as simple as her lips parting when she took a deep breath made me feel all warm inside.

As much as I had tried to change, I was still mostly an asshole. I knew this. It wasn't something that bothered me. I hated people. Most of them deserved it. They liked to think they were good and decent, but it was all a lie. We were all flawed. Why waste time pretending otherwise?

Hell, even Bella was flawed. The difference was she tried. Her heart was in the right place, even if she was a bit smug about it, but we could work on that.

"Jasper." Her saying my name again. It would never get old.

"Yes, angel."

"How long can we stay here?"

Dumb question from such a smart girl. "As long as you like." _Forever._

"I don't want to leave yet."

It had to be Christmas. "We don't have to."

Her eyes opened. "Promise me something."

_Anything._

"Don't let me run if I get scared."

"I won't." Even if she did run, she wouldn't get far. I wouldn't let her.

* * * * * *

This girl was driving me mad with her complete inability to cook like a normal person. Did she have to use a different spoon every time she stirred the noodles? Did she have to use a different knife when she went from cutting onions to bell peppers? Did she have to be so cavalier with the knives? She waved them around like they wouldn't kill me.

Bella created chaos in my kitchen. She left butter on the cabinet instead of putting it back in the fridge. Seasoning missed the pan and blended nicely with the crap she dripped on the stove top. Cabinets were left open. Utensils were not sorted when she put them in the dishwasher. Dishes were not rinsed out and were tossed haphazardly into the sink. I was to the point of not letting her cook. It was more work for me than just doing everything myself.

She got worse with every meal she made. We were supposed to be working together, but it turned into me cleaning up after her while she cooked. It wasn't until the second day that I caught on to her game.

We were mixing up a batch of cookies when it occurred to me that she was doing this shit deliberately just to mess with me. It became clear when she got flour on me and had to fight back a smile. I played it off and let my inner brat take over when it came to cracking the eggs.

I knocked a spoon onto the floor, and when she bent down to pick it up, I saw an opportunity arise. The egg in my hand was _accidentally_ cracked over her head. I didn't even think about it. I just did it. I think I was more shocked than she was.

She stood up, and I saw fire in her eyes. Not good. I backed up like a coward and held my hands in front of me. "Sweetie, I'm so sorry."

"Don't you move, Jasper Whitlock."

Her hands went to the top of her head. She came away with all sorts of nastiness and then started heading for me. There was no way I was standing still for this. I took off at a run out the front door.

A mad Bella was not someone I liked to see, but an amused Bella was delicious fun. She got over the mad as soon as she smeared her nasty hands in my hair. The delicious fun came when we used the water hose to rinse off the egg. A wet, smiling woman was always good in my book, and from her reaction, a wet, smiling Jasper wasn't bad either.

It was a good thing we were out here on our own. She attacked me.

Later, we had moved to the bedroom when she got all chatty on me. "All we do is have sex and eat. Is that normal?"

"I'm a guy. That's all I wanna do."

"That can't be true." She rolled onto her side. "Tell me something I don't know about you."

A thousand bad things came to mind. "Like what?"

"I don't know. Something silly and ridiculous. I'll even volunteer something of my own. I used to collect Cow Parade figurines."

"What the hell is that?"

"They're little versions of those big cows that artists decorate. I always thought they were cute. I have one that's a golfer and another that wears a hula skirt. My favorite is the milkman. I thought it was funny for a cow to deliver milk."

What was her deal with farm animals? She was singing a weird goat and donkey thing earlier. "You say the craziest shit sometimes."

"No. Crazy is how I used to wonder if he was delivering his own milk, and then, it hit me that a boy cow can't do that."

This was why I loved her. I never knew what was going to come flying out of her mouth next. It would never occur to her that other people wouldn't share something that made them sound like they were a few peas short of a pod. Bella didn't care. She was a smart girl, but she had her moments of pure dumb just like the rest of us.

I kissed her shoulder. "You are a silly girl."

"But I'm your favorite girl, right?"

"You're my only girl."

Not that she didn't know it already. It was really the only thing she knew. I had to tell her more. She deserved the truth from me rather than hearing it from someone else.

"Bella, there are things I need to tell you about me. Things you won't like."

"Tell me."

Like it was that easy. "Will you promise me something first? Just don't run out on me. Give me a chance to explain."

She didn't even hesitate to agree. Rose was right. Bella put a lot of faith in me. I didn't understand it.

It was ingrained in my head a long time ago by my grandfather that a person was supposed to keep their shit private. Information was power. You didn't hand it out unless you wanted people to use it against you. Case in point, Edward. I couldn't think like that with Bella. She had to know more about me. It was only fair.

I didn't know where to start, so I just spit something out there. "I've been to rehab three times. I didn't take any of it seriously until I overdosed about a year ago."

I waited for a response. I could tell she was freaking out inside but trying to hide it. This was a girl who never so much as smoked a cigarette. Her only real vice was me.

The first question was predictable. "What were you taking?"

"It was always painkillers. I gave Alice the money to keep both of us supplied, and she would get them from her maid."

Two confessions at once. I bought Alice her drugs, and I was an addict. Nice one, dumbass. I was supposed to do this slowly.

Bella eyes were tearing up. "Are you taking anything now?"

"No, and I haven't in a long time."

We talked more, and it went better than I thought it would. She didn't do the usual thing where people passed judgment or asked if I was trying to kill myself, which I wasn't. She just accepted what I said.

Then she cried, and I didn't know what to do. "Why are you crying?"

Her blubbering was the sweetest thing. "Because you told me something really awful, and as much as I hated hearing it, it was something, which is better than nothing. I just love you so much, and I want you to trust me with stuff. And you finally did."

Well, damn. The bad shit didn't make her run away. It made us closer, and it made me feel lighter. I felt good. She really loved me. I knew she did, but this was different.

As good as this felt, I still didn't want to press my luck. "There's more I need to tell you, but it's just not easy to spill it all out there."

"It's okay. You can tell me when you're ready."

I had been worried about finding some way to tie her to me. It was a stupid thought. She was already tied to me. Love did that.

* * * * * *

An unexpected result of my confession was that Bella wanted to stay longer at our house here on the hill. For the rest of the week, we stayed and enjoyed time just for us. She still worked in the afternoons, but I was picking her up and dropping her off. It was her suggestion. I didn't understand it or her new desire to extend our visit. I just went with what she wanted.

More confessions came out everyday. The house in Port Angeles didn't go over well at all. I could have come up with some crap story to make it sound like I was helping Maria, but I didn't. I was helping myself. Bella thought I was disgusting, and she was right. I was disgusting.

I slept on the couch after that story. Never mind that we had three other bedrooms I could have slept in, Bella wanted me on the couch, and that was where I went. When I woke up the next morning, the crazy girl was sleeping on the floor in front of me. After she woke up, I asked her what the hell she was thinking, and she apologized for punishing me for something I did years ago. After that, we were good again.

Other stories about me came out as the week progressed. It was mostly just small stuff. I was still holding back about my mother, and I had yet to say a word about Edward. The closer I got to Bella the less of a problem he seemed.

Our good week lasted until Thursday. Bella and I were on our way back to the other house to retrieve the file on my mom. I was finally ready to read the rest of it. Bella still didn't know about it, but I was going to give her the whole story tonight. I figured if she read the file with me that it wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, we didn't get that far.

The way our crowd worked was we came and went as we wanted. Keys were shared amongst everyone, and there was no privacy at all. It was why I always had somewhere else to go.

When we walked in, something hit the wall next to Bella's head. A whistle was blown, and an apology was thrown out from behind the couch. People popped up from every part of the large room.

Rosalie, Victoria, and Alice were spread out on the north side of the room, and Emmett, Laurent, and Edward were on the other. They all had Nerf guns, and a few of the more enthusiastic ones in the bunch were dressed up in battle gear. This was different.

"What the hell are ya'll doing?"

Emmett was the only one to step up with an answer. "Testing toys for a charity event Edward set up for next week. Rose said we could play here since you already broke everything."

The Golden Boy was just too damn perfect for my sanity. Volunteering and charity work were something I couldn't compete against. It wasn't even something he did to look good. Edward genuinely liked helping people.

That day he talked about Bella's legs being wrapped around his waist had pissed me off, but now, I just thought it was funny he said something so out of character just to get under my skin. He probably went home and washed his mouth out with soap and then scrubbed his eyes for daring to look at her ass. He was all about respecting women.

"We have extra if you two want to play," Alice offered.

Fat fuckin' chance. I'd rather cut my throat. We weren't twelve anymore.

Bella did an odd little clapping thing and jumped up and down. "I want to play."

Shit. I didn't want to play some stupid kid's game. I wanted to talk to her about my mom. It could be weeks before I got in the mood to do that again, and I wanted to get it over with.

Bella looked up at me with those chocolate eyes that could melt a glacier. "Please play, Jasper. You need some fun."

Telling her no wasn't an option. I gave in like a pussy whipped fool. It was becoming a habit with me. "Fine. I'll play."

The teams changed. Bella was with Edward, Alice, and Emmett. I was with Rosalie, Laurent, and Victoria.

It was funny what a person could learn in a game like this. I learned that Victoria pretty much hated Bella. My girl was already shot at the mid-point of the first game. Hitting her five additional times as she walked to the side was unnecessary. I wasn't the only one who saw it. Edward looked ready to kill. He took out Victoria with an enthusiasm that shocked even me.

I also learned that Rosalie and Laurent made one hell of a team. They took out Alice and Emmett like trained killers. It left Edward as the lone surviving member of the other team. I thought it would give us the advantage, but it didn't. Rose and I were done in minutes and then he got Laurent.

The worst part of all this was seeing Edward scoop up Bella like she was the trophy. Emmett did the same thing with Alice. The two girls laughed loudly while they were carried around. My whole team stopped to look. Their eyes went from me to Edward and Bella.

Emmett's brotherly feelings for Alice were well known. Anyone looking at them could see it. The two of them were as tight as they could be without actually being related. Edward's eyes were not saying brother. He was looking at Bella with complete and utter devotion. She had no clue. Her eyes were on her brother and Alice. Their happiness was making her grin like a fool.

Lessons from the first game changed the second one. Emmett targeted Victoria from the get go, knowing she would be aiming for Bella. Our plan was to take out Edward. We failed miserably when we couldn't even spot him. Things slowed down after that. It took another ten minutes before Alice and Emmett got Rose, which left them with a full team and Laurent and I pretty much screwed.

We were now hiding behind my couch. Laurent said exactly what I was thinking. "Edward has to be on something. No one is that good."

"No shit."

He tapped me on the side and nodded at a shadow moving along the wall. I rolled to the side and got Alice right in the chest. It was about time I got to shoot someone. Laurent took out Emmett who was coming up on the other side.

Now we just had to wait for Rambo to decide how he was going to protect Bella and still get both of us. No one was making a move. I was super cautious hoping I wouldn't lose and have to see Edward's victory dance with Bella again.

Laurent thought this shit was just hilarious. "We're left with a girl neither of us will shoot, and the guy who wants to sleep with her. Screw the game. Let's just kick his ass."

He knew. Wonderful. "Don't you think I want to?" I asked.

"Really? Because you could have fooled me. You looked like a real pussy for standing there and watching him flirt with her like that."

Just beautiful. "I felt like a pussy for letting him."

"So, why did you?"

"Bella doesn't know how he feels, and I don't want her to."

"Good plan. You should wait until he tells her himself. That way it'll be all romantic and shit. Knowing him, there'll be candles lighting the room and rose petals on the bed. She'll love it."

I beat my head against the cushion behind me. "Don't say that crap. It's not funny."

"You handing in your balls isn't funny either."

My balls were firmly attached. I just wasn't using them. "I can't touch him without her getting pissed."

Laurent was back to laughing at me. "And why does that matter? She'll get over it. It's not like she loves him."

"I thought so, too, but she says his name in her sleep."

"For real? What is she like moaning it?"

"No, she just says it."

Emmett yelled out from the sidelines at us. "Either play, or talk louder so we can all hear what's so important you can't finish the game."

"Shut up, asshole," Laurent yelled back. "Jasper has some shit to deal with."

"Well, what's his problem?"

I thought my cousin was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. He wasn't. "Let's just say he's half the man he used to be," Laurent shouted back.

I kicked my cousin. "Would you shut up?"

"No, I won't. Listen, being with a chick doesn't mean you have to stop being a man. If he's moving in on your woman, kick his ass."

All my life I got in fights, and it never got me anything. "Maybe I'm tired of fighting all the time."

Laurent stopped laughing. "Are you kidding me? You finally have someone to fight for, and you won't do it."

We were interrupted again. Emmett. "Should we leave so you girls can finish your chat?"

I raised up again and shot him. "We're busy. Now, shut up."

"Edward is a smart guy," Laurent noted. "He probably knows he's getting to you and thinks it's funny."

I always had an answer for how to deal with any issue, except when it related to Bella. That girl made my brain fail. "How can she not see what he's doing?"

"Do you remember that dog I had that chased its tail all the time?"

The poor animal got hit by a car. "Yeah, I remember Buster. What about him?"

"Bella is like him, except she chases you. Someday, she's gonna get hit by the car, which is Edward. He won't kill her, but he'll wake her up. If she likes what she sees, you're pretty much screwed because the way she looks at him is not that much different from the way she looks at you."

I already knew that. Anyone who saw them together couldn't help but see the way they were. It was smooth and easy for them. The chemistry was just there.

Laurent set his gun on the floor and checked his watch. "You've been chasing your tail just like she does."

"Yeah, I see that. Thanks for the help."

He shook his head at me. "You used to be so much better at this shit. No one could pull anything over on you. And now, you can't even see that I haven't been helping you. I've been distracting you, so Edward can hit Bella with the car."

Miraculously, I stayed calm. Edward couldn't touch us. The only power he had was what I gave him. If I didn't react, he had nothing. With little to no emotion, I put my Nerf gun on the couch and went looking for my girl.

A glance out the patio door told me she was out in the backyard. They were having a simple conversation, and I was cool with it. Edward would have to find a new game to play because Bella wasn't going to fall out of love with me over something he said. Only something_ I _did could ruin this, and I was being careful to not screw up. All I had to do was stay calm and hold my temper in check.

And then he kissed her.

* * *

**Author's Note: Jasper's chapters are usually about changing up the story a little, but I wanted him to have one that was just a straightforward chapter. It wasn't about revelations or information so much as it was about how he has progressed from the first story and how he is trying to be better for Bella and himself.  
**

**The next chapter will be back to Bella's POV. It should be posted next Wednesday. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 22 - Dancing

**Bella POV**

Our week passed by quickly. Nothing intruded on our time together. We went for long walks around the lake we visited earlier in the month. We played chess out on the deck. One of my favorite parts of the day was when we would cook together. Jasper would follow me around picking up after the mess I made. I got to where I would create one just to watch him. He was so obsessive about cleaning.

The whole week was ideal. Jasper's mood was constant. There were no changes that caught me off guard. He was the same person when he went to bed as he was when we got up. Seeing the difference between him now compared to the middle of last week was like night and day. He was relaxed and easy going the whole time.

It gave me a new confidence in us. I could see a light at the end of the dark tunnel we had been traveling through this whole time. It really hit me how different he was when we weren't around everyone else. We had always sort of escaped to our little bubble. In that world, we never had any problems pop up. It was only when the real world intruded that things turned sour.

Unfortunately, the real world showed up on Thursday when we returned to his other house for something he needed to pick up. At first, things were great. We joined the game everyone else was playing. I was taken out pretty quickly by Victoria.

She was in a pissy mood and glaring at Jasper like he killed her mom. I blamed her sour attitude on her hair. I had no clue what she was thinking when she dyed it brown. Her striking copper locks were replaced with a color as dull as mine. I hoped it wasn't permanent because it just didn't look right on her.

While we sat on the sidelines waiting for the first game to end, Rosalie informed me that Victoria and Edward had stopped seeing each other. The decision was supposedly amicable. No one believed that for a second.

We didn't get to talk more. A squeal from Alice was followed by her launching herself at Emmett who lifted the tiny girl up onto his shoulder. They were crowing about our team's victory, which came thanks to Edward.

Our team's most valuable player wasn't going to leave me out of the celebration. He swept me up into his arms and spun me around. It was bizarre how happy these people got over a game.

I was grinning like a fool over their silliness when Edward started whispering in my ear. "Stick close to me in the next game. I have a plan."

"Are you guys always this exuberant?" I asked.

"Anytime we beat Jasper at a game, it's a celebration. He never loses at anything."

We were only a few minutes into the second game when Edward tugged on my shirt and motioned for me to follow him. His plan took us straight out of the house.

"This is cheating."

Edward grabbed one of my hands twirling me around to face him. "Only if we're still playing the game."

"I would have been shot by now anyway."

"Probably. Now, dance with me."

There was no music, and I had two left feet. "You know I can't dance."

"I don't believe that."

He started gliding me around the deck. Every two steps I ended up on his feet, but he didn't complain. He just laughed as he continued to guide me along. It was so silly. I think he was dancing to something in his head.

"What's with you and dancing today?" I asked.

"We've watched Dirty Dancing twice this week."

"Who picked it, Rose?" I guessed.

"No. Emmett. He's a closet Patrick Swayze fan."

It had to be a new thing. "I miss our movie nights."

"We could still have them. I'm sure Jasper can survive a few nights without you."

"I don't like spending time away from him. It's like I don't breath easy unless he's with me, and I can't get to sleep without him."

Edward walked with me out into the yard. "You seem to be doing just fine without him right now."

"Only because I'll see him in a few minutes. You know he'll come looking for me when the game is over. I figure we have another three minutes at the most."

"I think we have longer than that until the wonderful Mr. Whitlock shows up."

I swatted him in the side. "He is wonderful, but I want to talk about you. What's been going on?"

"Nothing interesting. Victoria and I stopped dating. She keeps hanging around, but no one will tell her to leave because of her friendship with you."

Fake friends and bullshit. It was all these people were good for sometimes. "I thought Rose liked her."

"Rose likes her, but she won't waste time getting close when she knows Victoria isn't going to last with us. You need more than one connection to fit, and Victoria doesn't have that."

I could see his point. It was essentially a group of six, but there were groups within it. Jasper, Alice, and Rose were one group. Edward, Emmett, and I were another. Beyond that, there were pairs. Alice and Emmett were as close as the pairing of Jasper and Rose. Not to be left out, Edward and I were a pair as well. Further complicating things were the two couples. This only covered part of the convoluted mess of relationships we all had.

Victoria and Laurent were mostly on the fringes. For him, it worked. He had his own life he led and still managed to mingle with us very well. He had long standing relationships with everyone in the group. Victoria didn't. Other than Rose and me, she wasn't close with anyone. The guys didn't care for her, and Alice couldn't stand her at all.

"Have you ever thought about alternatives to life with Jasper?" Edward asked, changing the subject completely.

"Like what?"

"Like, he might not be the only person who could make you happy."

"I can't imagine myself with anyone else."

"How often does he make you laugh?"

What the heck kind of question was that? "I laugh all the time with him. It's not like it is with you, but he's more serious."

Edward moved down his list of questions. "How much do you really have in common?"

"A lot. We both like to stay home. We read the same kind of books, like the same movies, and have the same hobbies."

He laughed at that. "Jasper doesn't have hobbies."

"He's does, too. He loves to cook, and he's really good at it. He likes to be outdoors and enjoys fishing and hiking. Jasper does a lot of things people don't know about."

"But how many of those things do you do together?"

Why was he so interested in all this? "Pretty much everything."

I looked over and found him pouting. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered in a disgusted tone.

"Don't lie. Tell me what's wrong."

His answer came after a moment of hesitation. "I guess I just thought it was more of a physical thing with you two. I didn't know you actually used your brain when you were with him."

"So, what you thought it was just a sex thing? That pisses me off, Edward. I thought you had a better opinion of me than that."

He grabbed my hands. "No. No. No. Just listen. I thought it was like that for him. He's not exactly an Einstein or anything. I didn't figure he could keep up with you is all. Hell, he cheated his whole way through high school, remember?"

Oh, Jasper was stupid. Nice. "You really don't know anything about him do you. He didn't cheat. He just made it look like he did. Do you remember that folder you gave me with the Chemistry and Calculus homework in it? I still have it, and it's all in his handwriting. Jasper did the work. He just didn't want you people to know about it."

"I never noticed the handwriting."

"You should really start paying more attention to the things around you. You might be surprised by what you see."

"That's funny coming from you," he snapped. "You can't even see what's right in front of you. How many flashing yellow lights does it take to grab your attention?"

Wow. Edward never lost his temper with me. Making it worse was that I had no clue what he was talking about. I saw him. What else was there?

This was one of those brick to the forehead moments. I saw Edward. Holy shit. I saw Edward. Those green eyes of his were never filled with the bitterness I saw in Jasper's. Edward was charming and sweet in ways my man would never be. We laughed at the silliest things that always made Jasper and the others roll their eyes.

Peppermint and cedar would never compare to the ocean and all its changing moods, but I could see now how it could have been a different part of my life than what it was. There wasn't that pull I felt with Jasper, but there was a comfortable feeling I found familiar and welcoming.

It got quiet as my discomfort level increased with the thinning of the air around us. I let his hands go and tried to put some distance between us.

Meanwhile, Edward was watching me. He didn't say anything. He just stared at me like I was an item on display. It was not a great feeling.

When he started to laugh, the feeling got worse. I finally looked up at him, and his amused expression made the discomfort fade away. This was Edward. What the hell was my problem? Yeah, he was pretty freaking awesome, but he was my friend. That was all he was.

"Shut up."

He didn't listen to me. "I can't help it. You're just so funny. All embarrassed and blushing. You look good with some color in your cheeks."

"You just like messing with me to see if you can get me flustered."

"I like seeing you flustered over me. It's a new thing. I love it."

"It's not like that."

"Yeah, it is. If you didn't like me just a little, you wouldn't be acting like this." He grinned. "Bella Swan likes me."

"I do not. Don't say that."

He moved closer to me. "You like me."

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

Edward kissed me.

It was not one of them frozen in time moments. It lasted all of the one second it took for me to realize what was going on. I backed away abruptly and tripped over the root of a tree before falling to the ground.

I heard him laughing at me as he crouched down beside me. "I've never had that reaction out of a girl before."

I wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand. "Try kissing one that wants you. I don't. And what the hell were you thinking? Have you lost your mind?"

"No. I think I finally found it."

Anything either of us would have said or done was lost when we heard the slamming of a door.

Edward's eyes widened. "Aw shit."

I looked up and saw Jasper vault himself over the railing of the deck. The six extra feet it would have taken him to use the steps were just too far. A powerful, determined stride was bringing him ever closer. I rose to my feet and had only seconds to decide what to do.

Our eyes met across the lawn. He knew me well enough to know my first instinct was to protect Edward, even when I knew I shouldn't. There were few times Jasper ever really told me to do anything. He always asked. The look he gave me was telling me if I stepped in that this would just get worse.

I took a deep breath and put some space between Edward and me. I was quiet on the outside and screaming on the inside. With Jasper's temper, I had no idea what to expect. There was no doubt in my mind that he could seriously injure Edward, whose only experience with fighting was from fifth grade when someone tried to steal his lunch money. He lost. Jasper was on the opposite spectrum. He was used to pain and had delivered his fair share of it.

Jasper surprised me by completely ignoring Edward and stopping in front of me. My hands were inspected thoroughly before he turned his attention to the rest of me. "Did you hurt yourself when you fell?"

"No."

He was not reacting how I expected. He pulled me into a hug and lowered his head close to mine. "I'm trying so hard to be good when all I want is to kick his ass. Tell me something good to silence the shit in my head."

The last time his temper was riled, it was a disaster. I knew he needed reassurance and something to tell him that Edward didn't matter. It took a great deal of control for him to not give in to what came easiest to him, and he had made such great strides from where he was. This day was not going to ruin that.

"Jasper, your fists don't prove you're a man. Your heart does. Let's just go home. Our life. Our house. Our room. Nothing else matters."

By mentioning our room, I was telling him I wanted this to be permanent, and he knew it. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you moving in because of him."

"It's not because of him. It's because of us."

He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning. "Really?"

"Absolutely. There's nothing I want more."

The sound of other voices began to intrude on our conversation. Edward's was the loudest.

"Are you kidding me? You're smarter than this, Bella."

I heard people agreeing with him from behind us. The only person not on Edward's side was Rosalie. "Shut it, Edward. They're happy. Just leave them be."

"Fuck that. He's a breakdown away from completely losing it. You know it just like we all do."

Edward wrapped a hand around my left arm and tugged on it. "Listen to me, Bella. You know I'm right."

He really shouldn't have touched me. Jasper moved so quick I couldn't even say with any degree of certainty what happened. Edward had been standing next to me, and in the next second, he was slammed face first into the tree behind us.

Emmett and Laurent latched onto Jasper stopping him as he moved to go after Edward, who had collapsed to his knees and was bracing himself against the tree. Jasper was fighting against them when I stepped up and put my hands against his chest pushing him back.

"Don't hit him again. Go in the house, and calm down."

"I didn't hit him."

That just pissed me off. "You shoved him into a tree. It's the same thing."

"No, it isn't. If you get out of the way, I'll show you."

"And if you show me, I won't leave with you. Now, go in the house."

His demeanor changed completely. The hard lines of his face relaxed into a mask of indifference, and he stopped struggling against my brother and Laurent. A sweet smile even appeared on his lips, but it didn't match the violence his eyes still promised. I think I was more afraid of that than anything. Even if we stopped him today, he would come after Edward some other time.

Everyone went inside, leaving me alone with Edward. I sat down on the ground next to him and leaned back against the tree. Being forced into something rough and solid didn't make for a pleasant result. My friend's face was scratched up and bleeding. One side was already swelling slightly, and he had a bloody nose.

"We should get you inside and put something cold on your face," I suggested.

"It can wait. I need to talk to you." My friend went right into an apology. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I'm sorry."

"You're right. You shouldn't have done it."

"You misunderstand. I should kiss you. I should do it everyday, all day. I just shouldn't have done it when there was a chance he could see."

He hit that tree harder than I thought if this was what he was thinking. "I don't know what's going on with you, Edward, but I need to make it clear that how I feel about Jasper is not the same as how I feel for you. We are friends, and that is it."

"Only because he blocks the sun from everyone else. You can't see me for looking at him all the time. And you and I are not friends. We've been beyond that for a long time. Why do you think Jasper won't let you around me? He knows you care for me."

I was really getting tired of people telling me how I feel. "If Jasper had any clue how you felt, he would have told me. This was as big a surprise to him as it was me."

I'd said many stupid things in my life. Days could pass before I even realized just how dumb some things were. It didn't take days this time. It took seconds.

Jasper didn't want Edward around me. He bristled every time his friend's name was even mentioned. There was no way he would miss that Edward had feelings for me. I thought back to that day last week when Jasper acted so off. It was right after I left the two of them alone. How did I look that day? I was wet and covered in mud and grass stains with a nice hand print on my neck.

Edward knew Jasper was aware of his feelings for me. A new and awful question sprang from the darker regions of my brain. Did Edward set up that afternoon specifically to upset Jasper? He did. I didn't know how I knew, but I was certain of it. How many other times had he done something similar? And why didn't Jasper tell me what was going on?

Another dark thought cluttered with the rest. Edward was just like Jasper in some respects. It was something I only saw now. He could disappear into someone else with the same ease. He could also lie just as well and then play it off with an excuse that was supposed to make it okay.

The difference was that Jasper didn't lie to me anymore, not directly. I knew now that most of our relationship in the beginning was bullshit. I couldn't say when it changed for him, but I knew it did. It wasn't something I talked with him about or even wanted to think about. I preferred the fairy tale in my head. It was easier to deal with.

Another trait they shared was their failure to see that it was dishonest to withhold information. Jasper not telling me about Edward was as good as lying to me. He would never see it that way, but it was. Edward doing his nonsense was just as bad.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked.

"You are what's wrong. How long have you been messing with Jasper's head?"

No denials from him. "It's complicated."

I was apparently just too dumb to be able to figure it out. Nice. "You know what? I'll get the answers out of Jasper. At least with him, I know what he tells me is the truth."

"Are you kidding me? Jasper hasn't been honest with you from the very beginning. You think you've got this troubled guy who just needs some encouragement to set him on the right path. You're wrong. He needs years of therapy to even come close to being right in the head, and then he still wouldn't be good for you."

Edward took my hands in his. "He will never be right for you. The closer you get to him the more he will show you who he is, and you won't like what you see. Is it wrong for me to want to save you from that? If it is, I don't want to be right."

How wrong was it that I saw his point? Probably as wrong as my willingness to overlook the bad I knew existed in the man I loved. "We all pick our own path, Edward. Jasper is mine, and I'm not giving up on him."

"You will. It might not be today or even next week, but sooner or later, he will do something you can't live with. When it happens, remember who your friends are. You'll need them."

"I remember my friends, and you are lucky I do. Because now, I have to figure out what I need to do to get him to leave you alone, and I'm so pissed at you for pulling this shit that I really don't even want to bother."

It wasn't even about Edward getting beat up. Jasper would come after him from some other angle. It would be like when he had Emmett's scholarships taken away and tried to prevent the two of them from graduating.

"Bella, all you have to do is ask. He'll give you anything."

For someone who thought he knew Jasper so well, Edward didn't know shit. "If I want something for me or for us, he gives it freely. When I ask him to leave you alone, he will know how much you mean to me, and he will want something in return to prove that I love him more."

"Then let him do what he wants to me. I don't care."

"Well, I do care. When he comes after you, he's not just harming you but himself as well. How is he supposed to be better when you provoke him?"

"Provoke him? This is Jasper we're talking about. He's not the victim. He's a cardboard cutout of an abusive asshole."

This was a waste of time. Edward would never understand. I rose to my feet. "Next time, just be honest with me. It makes life so much easier."

"For what it's worth, I do love you, Bella."

It was a nice sentiment, and I even believed him. "I can't look over what you've done. I don't have the specifics, and I don't want them. What I do know is that you were deliberately upsetting him to bring out his worst qualities. What should have been a wonderful beginning for us was tainted by crap you brought into a situation that was none of your concern."

Edward quickly gained his feet and started trying to reason with me. "You don't understand. All I did was push him to show you the truth about himself. You need to know who he is and what he's done. If you don't, how can you say you really love him?"

"He has told me, and what I heard broke my heart. Jasper talking to me about the past is something he has to do on his own and not because of pressure you apply."

The calculating glint in his eyes came back. "He told you about some of his past?"

"Yes."

"He only told you because I was holding it over his head."

"You blackmailed him into keeping quiet about your feelings?"

"Don't make this into something worse than what it is. When you work against someone like Jasper, you have to use everything at your disposal to get the job done. He would have done the same thing, and you know it."

He was right, but I denied it. "You're wrong."

"I'm not, and you know it. What I did, I did for you. He would have done it for himself. My actions may suck, but my intentions were good. Jasper will never be able to say the same thing. If he loved you half as much as he says he does, he would have left you alone from the beginning, but he didn't because what he wants is more important to him than what you need."

Talking to him was like talking to Jasper. They both always thought they knew so much more about what I needed or wanted than I did. "I'm leaving. Keep your distance from us. We have enough problems without other people adding to them."

My friendship with Edward wouldn't be the same after today. Gone was the second brother I thought I had. In his place was this person I didn't even know.

When I entered the house, I saw that the Rose from Forks had roared back. She looked ready to kill Victoria. "You don't know shit about him, and you need to shut your mouth."

All signs of previous friendship between the two girls had fallen away. Victoria snapped back angrily. "I know he keeps you on an allowance. I guess that comes with servitude and undying devotion."

"It also comes with an ass whoppin' for people who don't listen to what they're told."

I just stood back and watched. It was actually kind of nice seeing Rosalie go after someone else. She was on her feet and looming over the shorter girl with threatening posture. All I needed was some popcorn.

Victoria wasn't backing down. "I don't get why you, Bella, and Alice are all up his ass. All I can come up with is money because he's sure short on personality."

It was a good thing my popcorn was imaginary because I would have choked on a kernel. Jasper wasn't short on anything.

It was like a tennis match. The balls were flying back and forth. In the end, the rest of us won because we got to watch. Defending Jasper wasn't something I needed to do. It was really about what he would want. My man didn't defend himself. Victoria liking him or not didn't matter to him in the least. Since he didn't care, I didn't either.

"You don't even know enough about him to hate him," Rose screamed.

Dramatic. Overdone. Unnecessary. These girls.

Victoria was back in. "Like he doesn't think the same way about me."

I was tired of this. "Actually, he doesn't."

"He doesn't what?"

"Jasper doesn't think of you at all."

He didn't. It wasn't about being mean or anything. It was about a sort of rating system with him. She didn't score high enough to get much notice. I was certain he thought about her in passing, but only when she was around and never for long. How had I never thought about this before? It was probably like that with most people. I wondered if I could get him to tell me how everyone scored.

"I can see he's rubbed off on you," Victoria accused. "Because that was a shitty thing to say."

Meh. I couldn't bring myself to care. She harped on my man every time I saw her. Now, her opinion just didn't matter. I was starting to think Jasper was right about a few things. Most people weren't important to me. Victoria had sort of slipped into that category.

She left after our rude little exchange. I didn't blame her. What I said was pretty shitty, but I was also tired of her thinking she could talk crap about my guy.

The others in the room were as amused as I was. It was one of the first times I felt like I fit with these people, and it also made me feel sort of wrong. Alice was sitting on Laurent's lap giggling in his ear. Emmett was in the kitchen getting a beer out of the fridge, and Jasper was absent. They were all completely unaffected by the events of the last thirty minutes. It was bizarre.

"What was that about?" I asked.

Alice played the spokesperson. "Victoria thought it was safe to go after Jasper because we all appeared to side with Edward. She was wrong."

"About which part?"

"The first one. Now, can you hurry up and get Jasper out of here? Edward needs his friends."

"Why can't you help him now?"

She tilted her head to the side and smiled serenely. "Silly rabbit, Jasper is already mad. Why would we want to make it worse?"

Yeah, I didn't fit with them at all. They were all straight off the Cuckoo Train, and my own case of crazy was mild in comparison.

I went in search of Jasper and found him in his study. He had a file open in front of him and was frowning down at what he was reading.

"Jasper, can we leave now?"

He closed the file and sat back in his chair. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I think given the circumstances you did very well. Are you mad at me?"

"Should I be?"

"Probably. If I had paid more attention like you always tell me I need to, this day wouldn't have happened the way it did. I should have known he had feelings for me, and I should have seen how he was messing with you. I didn't, and I feel stupid because of it."

"You're not stupid, and I'm not mad at you."

He was also not finished with what he had to say.

Jasper stood up and circled around his desk before crossing the room and shutting the door behind me. He leaned back against it and crossed his arms over his chest. "This isn't going to be some long drawn out conversation. By now, I think we can both guess what the other's feelings are on the subject. So, in the interest of my sanity, I'm just going to make a few things clear. Okay?"

I nodded, and he continued. "You are not to see him. No calls. No visits. Nothing. He is not a part of your life anymore. You don't even know his name. If you can't agree to that, we're done. I'm not going to spend my days wondering if he is messing with you."

I hadn't expected an ultimatum. "You would really end this over him?" I asked.

"It's not about him. It's about you. I've compromised left and right hoping it's enough to make you stay with me. Anything you ask for, I give you. How is it fair if you can't give me this one thing?"

It wouldn't be fair, but I also never asked him to give up the people he loved. There was really only one choice I could even make. If I picked Edward, the war that would start would split the whole group. I wasn't going to let that happen. I also wasn't going to leave Edward hanging out in the wind for what he had done earlier.

"I'll agree but only if you promise to leave him alone. No fighting. No getting back at him for kissing me. This all ends today."

Just like always, Jasper gave me what I wanted. It wasn't until later that I realized I had played right into his hands.

* * *

**Author's Note: A few people have asked if I plan on doing any chapters from a different character's POV. It isn't something I plan on doing, but I am curious who people would like to hear from the most. Edward would probably be the biggest game changer as far as the story goes, but the others would be pretty fun, too.  
**

** I apologize for my review reply failure this past week and for my tardiness in posting this chapter. I will try to be better next week.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 23 - Steps

Jasper and I walked down the hall to our bedroom and opened the door. It was my first time seeing the room. I wanted to bash my head into a wall when I walked inside. The room was so much like our room at the cabin.

The space was much larger, but there was no mistaking the almost identical king size wrought iron bed that was the centerpiece. Like the other one, it had an ornate headboard in a weathered russet finish and no footboard. This bed also had the huge pillows and quilt, but the fabric was lighter in color with cool greens and blues. It made me think of spring. The walls of the room were paneled with the same wide slats of wood, but these were a pine color, which made the room appear brighter.

He watched silently as I wandered around checking out different parts of the room. On the east side of the room, French doors opened onto a private deck. A small sitting area was located just next the doors with tall book cases lining the walls.

Another wall had more black and white pictures that reminded me of the ones at the cabin. There were no pictures of our friends, but I found tons of Jasper when he was a little boy. He was riding horses in a few. One had a rather unfortunate looking dog in it that he was playing with. It was my favorite. The smile on Jasper's face was so carefree and innocent. It was an expression I rarely saw.

"What was your dog's name?"

"Simon. He was a mutt that my grandmother found on the side of the road when I lived down here with her for a couple years. He was a pathetic little thing. One ear was missing. He walked with a limp, and he drooled like an ogre."

_Simon. Missing ear. Drool. Ogre. _I could just imagine Jasper playing fetch with his ugly little dog. I fought back a laugh because it just seemed wrong. The dog couldn't help his appearance.

"Why did he have a limp?" I asked.

"The vet never found a reason for it. Gram said it was the dog's way of conning people into feeling sorry for it. I thought that was stupid. He was missing an ear and was ugly as sin. What more did he need?"

This time I had to laugh. Jasper frowned at me with disapproval, and I put my hand over my mouth to stifle the sound. He really loved that dog. "I'm sorry. Will you tell me more about him?"

He thought for a second. "I do have one story you might like. One day, Gram and I were outside doing yard work when Simon started acting odd. He kept getting in my way when I tried to go inside the shed to get an extra shovel. I told Gram what he was doing, and she yelled at me to listen to the dog because he was smarter than I was."

I would have loved his grandmother. Anyone who could give Jasper hell and get away with it was aces in my book.

Jasper continued. "She sent me inside for a flashlight, and when I came back out, she told me to use her shovel and kill the snake in the shed."

_Snake. Shed. Please say the dog didn't get bit._

"I was scared and asked her to kill it. She called me a coward and reminded me that she was seventy-years-old. So, I went in, and sure enough, there was a copperhead in the shed. I killed it, and Simon was a hero. Gram gave him dog biscuits and smacked me in the head for not bringing out the extra shovel we needed in the first place. That woman was all business."

I smiled at the sweet expression on his face. I could see the affection in his eyes for the woman who took care of him and for the little dog who was probably one of his only true friends. "What happened to Simon?"

"When I went back to live with my mom and dad, I gave him to a family we knew would take good care of him. I couldn't take him with me, and I knew they would give him a good home. In the end, he was happy, and that made me happy."

I hadn't expected a good ending. "I thought you were going to tell me he died."

He started massaging my shoulders. "Bella, it's been almost ten years. He probably has died, but you need to know that not every story has a bad ending."

_Ours always do. Not this time. I won't let it. _"I liked your story. Simon sounded sweet."

"Not hardly. He was an evil little fucker. He was always biting my ankles. Gram said he was part herding dog and thought I was a sheep."

Him as a sheep. More like a wolf. He probably ate all the sheep. After that thought, my mind landed in a sexually deviant gutter.

"Jaaaspeerr," I baahed. "Did you hear that out on the ranch? This _is_ Texas, and I've heard stories about you boys."

For once, I think I actually shocked him. When it registered what I was implying, he playfully moved his hands up to choke me.

"That is not funny," he scolded me. "I knew a kid that …well never mind."

Jasper laughed when he noticed I was cringing. "I'm kidding. Damn."

_Thank God_.

The rest of our afternoon was playful and fun. It was as if the events with Edward had never happened. Jasper was more relaxed than I had ever seen him. To keep him in a good mood, I let him cook without me for a change. He needed a break from how I drove him crazy with my messes. Some of what I did was just to bug him, but mostly, I was just a sloppy cook.

I took a sip of water and watched him mash some potatoes along with roasted garlic and parmesan cheese. "Who taught you how to cook?"

"My grandmother. Her rule was if I wanted to eat I had to help."

She sounded like my own grandmother. "What was she like other than all business?"

"Strong-willed. Mean. Bossy. She was not easy to be around. My mom and dad hated her, but I thought she was great. She never let me get away with anything and got pissed when my grandfather would encourage me to misbehave."

He walked around the bar and held a spoon out for me to taste. It was yummy just as I expected. "Perfect."

Jasper kissed me on the forehead before going back to his potatoes.

"Was it confusing for you? Him wanting you to cause trouble and her punishing you."

"I was used to it. Everyone always wanted something different from me. My dad wanted me to be quiet and stay out of the way, until football came along. Then he wanted me to be at the center of everything. My grandfather wanted me to be a little wild but still in charge. My mom didn't care what I was. She sort of bounced between moods. It was hard to keep up with her. Gram wanted me to be disciplined."

No wonder he had so many different personalities. His family created them for him. "With all that confusing crap, did you even know what you wanted to be?"

I could tell he was over the subject and wanted to move on to something else. "I just wanted to be left alone."

* * * * * *

A kiss on the cheek and a less than enthusiastic hug were how my brother greeted me three days later. We were meeting for lunch at a restaurant just off campus. I had spent very little alone time with him since getting back together with Jasper, and I was in desperate need of some Emmett time. What I didn't need was Fork's Emmett.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked after we finished eating. We had exchanged about ten words the whole time.

"No, I'm just frustrated and don't know what to say. I've been trying to stay out of your life and not interfere, but it's not easy. I can't decide if you're messing your life up or not."

What more was I supposed to do? I was dealing with all of Jasper's baggage. Everyday there was another issue to deal with. I had to be so careful about how I handled him to insure he didn't flip out on me. It was stressful to know that any second he could turn into someone else completely. I was constantly on edge hoping he wouldn't lose it again and lash out at me.

Were there things I was messing up on? Probably, but all things considered, I thought I was doing pretty good. Between Jasper, work, school, and now Edward, I had enough on my plate without having to think about what all Emmett thought I was doing wrong, but I also had to ask for his opinion. I wanted to know what he thought.

"Don't stay quiet. Tell me what you think. It would have been real handy the other day. You and everyone else acted like the thing with Edward was just business as usual."

"What was I supposed to say? Edward needed to tell you how he felt, and Jasper was right to be pissed about what happened. If I take sides, it would just make things worse. Rose wants you and Jasper together, and Edward's my best friend. And honestly, I knew nothing I said would change anything. So, why bother?"

He had a point. "How is Edward?" I asked.

"Pissed off. He isn't thinking of anything outside of you, and he's mad because I won't step in and get you away from Jasper."

"He makes it sound like I've joined some kind of cult."

"To him, you have. Cullens hate Whitlocks and vice versa. I don't even know why Jasper and Edward even bothered trying to be friends. It was doomed to fail."

"What do you mean by that?"

Emmett was amused by my ignorance. "He really does leave you in the dark, doesn't he?"

Jasper wasn't the only one. "Are you going to answer or not?"

"Carlisle hates Jasper's dad, and the feeling is pretty much mutual. It started when they both wanted Jasper's mom. Carlisle was actually winning the girl, but his life took a detour when Esme got in trouble. She was his best friend, and he stood by her when everyone else turned their backs on her."

This wasn't lining up. "Carlisle isn't from Forks and neither is Esme. They grew up next door to each other in Aberdeen."

"I know, but Carlisle spent his summers in Forks visiting his grandparents. That's how he met Vivian Hale, Jasper's mom."

I asked a question that for some reason had never occurred to me. "Did you know her?"

My brother's eyes dropped away from mine. "I only met her a couple times. We never went to Jasper's house very much."

There was something else here. "Why do you look guilty all of a sudden?"

A full minute passed before he answered. "We all have our regrets, Bella. Edward wishes he had been stronger for all of us. I wish I had paid closer attention to what was going on around me. People like to say that Jasper's mom was crazy, but she wasn't. She was just scared. Her biggest mistake was not taking Rose and Jasper with her when she disappeared."

I started to ask for more information, but Emmett stopped me. "I can't tell you stuff about that, Bella. You have to go to Jasper, but if I were you, I wouldn't. His mom is a very touchy subject. I don't even think you could get away with bringing her up."

Well, that just sucked. I knew Jasper would never willingly talk about her. "Why can't you just tell me?"

"There are rules we all follow. Certain stories are our own to tell, and that's one of Jasper's."

Again, that just sucked. I understood it, but I was so frustrated by the rules these people set up for themselves. They always left me feeling completely out of the loop. "Can you at least tell me the rest of the story about Carlisle and Jasper's dad?"

"There isn't much else to say. Carlisle had to end things with Vivian, and she ended up with Jasper's dad. He may have saved Esme, but I think a part of him has to feel like he failed Vivian."

I didn't doubt it. "And all of this makes it easier for him to hate Jasper so much, right?"

Emmett nodded. "Carlisle thinks Jasper is just like his father. He used to hold out some hope for him, but Jasper has done too many bad things to ever have Carlisle's trust or respect."

"And how do you feel about him?"

"People can say whatever they want about Jasper, but the bottom line is when Rose needed him, he was always there for her. I won't forget that, and I don't think the others should either."

I knew there was good in Jasper. It didn't come out very often with other people, but it was there. "Thanks for telling me more about him. He never tells me anything."

"How often do you talk to him about Charlie or Renee? No one wants to talk about the parts of their history that hurt them."

The difference was that Jasper already knew pretty much everything about my life. In comparison, I knew very little about his. He had revealed some things, but I was still at a significant disadvantage.

Emmett covered my hands with his. "Bella, he is not a girl. Jasper isn't going to talk about stuff as easily as you think he should. Men aren't like that. We don't talk about shit unless we think we have to."

This left me in the same boat I was in before. I had to be patient, and I was not patient.

* * * * * *

It was strange how attractive something became when it was held just out of reach. Jasper cut me off from Edward, and because of that, there were times when all I could think about was Edward. There were now a thousand ideas I wanted to share with him. Every few minutes, my hands would reach for my phone when I remembered something I needed to tell him. As week one without him turned into week two, my hands were becoming increasingly itchy.

Edward was the Jasper to my Rosalie and the Emmett to my Alice. My feelings for him weren't romantic, but they were something beyond friendship. I couldn't identify just what it was between us. This odd connection was at the root of Jasper's insecurities. He saw it and sought to eliminate it by limiting my contact with my friend. Initially, I thought this would restrict my visits with everyone else, but it didn't.

Emmett and Rosalie now visited us at our house, which kept Jasper happy. Also keeping him happy was that my brother kept his opinions about our relationship to himself. He was taking a completely hands off approach. I also knew he had to have some sort of opinion about Edward, but he didn't tell us what it was.

I now saw Alice all the time. Aro hired her in the second week of October, and she was like a fish out of water when it came to working. When she walked up to me on her first day, she greeted me with a sweet hello. A simple name tag wouldn't work for her. She embroidered her name on her apron with a daisy dotting the middle letter. It was actually pretty cute.

I brought her into Aro's office, so he could give her the first day on the job speech. She watched him with wide, attentive eyes the whole time. It may have been because of him hitting his desk with a ruler every few minutes, but I think she was genuinely interested in what he had to say.

When he started his rant, I sat back to listen. "Everybody should be required to either work in retail or work in a job that requires them to clean. It builds character and teaches a person how to treat others. Right?"

When he stomped his cane into the floor, Alice jumped. "Yes, sir," she answered automatically.

"What's your favorite cereal, Alley Cat?"

"I've never eaten cereal."

How was it possible she never had cereal? I think he was personally offended by her statement. The cereal question was one of his favorites. According to him, you could tell a lot about a person based on their breakfast.

I helped him along since he seemed a little stumped. "What do you eat for breakfast?"

"I eat toast. People say you shouldn't have carbs, but I don't care. I like plain toast."

It was with that one answer that Marie Alice Brandon became the apple of Aro's eye. The girl could do no wrong. It was the same for her. She just seemed to sparkle as he gazed at her with adoration.

I was shooed away, and Aro took over Alice's training. She walked at his side like a little soldier nodding along with everything he said. It was cute to watch. She had his full and undivided attention, and I think that was part of what she needed all along. She ended up catching on pretty quick, and the customers really appreciated her sunny personality and her willingness to help. I had no doubt she was going to work out great.

After that first day, I started noticing changes in her. Her smiles matched the sparkle in her eyes, and she had a level of enthusiasm I found refreshing but not annoying. Alice was growing up right in front of my eyes. Moving in with Esme and Carlisle had been better for her than I ever thought possible. The added responsibility of a job helped her even further.

It was now her second week at the bookstore. I was putting up the last of the books from my cart when she skipped over to me. "You have a visitor at the front of the store. I thought I should warn you."

I peeked over the shelves and saw Edward talking to Aro. As nice as the head's up was, I had to wonder what Alice's angle was. "Why did you warn me?"

"Playing a game you can't win gets boring, and I happen to think Edward looks better in one piece."

I had to agree with her on both points.

Alice stepped up on the bottom shelf to get a better view. "Those scratch marks on his face are very unbecoming. It's like a rat mistook him for some cheese."

"That is so mean." _But so true._

"Oh please. Edward needed something to dirty him up. He's far too pretty for his own good."

This made me giggle. He was kind of pretty for a male. It wasn't a word I would ordinarily use to describe him, but today was different. His hair was actually combed and styled, and he even shaved, which had been touch and go with him here lately.

I was slightly puzzled by his clothing. I was accustomed to seeing him in t-shirts and jeans. They had replaced the hodge-podge, wrinkled, preppy look he wore in high school. I think those clothes went down the drain with his drinking. Today, part of this look was back, but it was actually well put together.

This was when I started adding things up. "Alice, did you play dress-up with Edward?"

She huffed and puffed. "Don't be silly. If I had dressed him, he would not be wearing those shoes, and I would have had him wear a different shirt."

Silly would be trusting her. A couple good weeks didn't make her honest. I pushed my cart to the backroom before clocking out and grabbing my purse out of my locker.

Edward followed me out the front door and walked with me to my car. Not talking to him wasn't an option. "Hi, Edward. You look nice today."

I couldn't help but look at his shoes. They looked fine to me.

He leaned against my car and smiled nervously. "Thanks. I had an interview."

"I hope it went well."

"I kind of hope it didn't. It's something my dad wants me to do, but I'm just not interested."

I opened my mouth without thinking. "When are you going to do something to make yourself happy?"

"I did do something for myself. It cost me a friend and got me shoved into a tree."

_Nice job, Bella. Way to kick him when he's down. _"I'm still your friend, Edward."

"Just not the right kind."

Not even close. "I have to leave. Jasper's expecting me."

Edward handed me an envelope I hadn't noticed he was carrying. "Would you give this to him? It's some pictures he asked for."

He walked off but not before telling me to give Jasper his best. I would do that the day after never. My man was still on an anti-Edward kick. Giving him this envelope would likely kick off an argument.

I was wrong. The envelope didn't start the argument. My impatience and Jasper's attitude led to the night's bad turn. He didn't even say one word about Edward. Jasper simply took the envelope away from me and then locked himself in the study for an hour.

When he finally came out, I asked what I thought was a perfectly reasonable question. "Who were the pictures of?"

No answer. All he did was sit in his favorite chair and turn the television on. This wasn't the first time he ignored a question or failed to acknowledge that I had spoken to him. It always hurt my feelings.

I tossed my book onto the coffee table. When next I spoke, I raised my voice to just below a yell, and I made sure to talk very slowly. "Jasper, do we need to get your hearing checked?"

The television was clicked off, and I was met with a cold, dead stare. "I'm not deaf, but _you_ are too fuckin' nosy about shit. Not everything is your business."

"Yet, everything about my life is your business. Who I talk to. Where I work. What I eat. What money I spend. I tell you everything, and it's not because I want to. It's because you accept nothing less."

Jasper's attitude was dismissive. "And?"

How could he go from being the wonderful person who treated me so well to this version of himself I couldn't stand? This Jasper was the monster everyone warned me about.

I made my mind up in an instant. I wasn't staying here tonight. The Asshole made my skin crawl, and the thought of sleeping in the same bed as him made me feel sick. I could stay at Emmett's and come back when My Jasper decided to return. I stood up and headed for the study where I kept my purse. The door was locked. Of course, he was the only one with a key.

Playing it nice for two seconds would be smart. "Jasper, would you please unlock the study?"

"Why?"

I took a deep breath, hoping it would calm my temper. "Because I don't want to argue with you tonight. I'm going to go stay with Emmett, and you and I can talk about this tomorrow when we are both being more reasonable."

"No," he said emphatically. "You're not going anywhere without me."

We were not going to get this started. "I can go wherever I want, with you or without you. You have no say in that."

"Fine. Go somewhere. You don't have a car, which means you'll have to go on foot, and the nearest road is two miles away. Let's see how far you can get before I catch you."

I couldn't believe what he just said. At first, I was sure I must have lost my mind. Then, I got even more pissed.

I walked into the kitchen to get my phone. My plan was simple. I was going to call someone to pick me up. It didn't work. I left my phone in my purse instead of taking it out to charge it.

With that option gone, I started searching the house for a phone. I didn't find one. I couldn't use email; the computer was in the study. Shit.

We had no neighbors. The road to the house was private. No one used it except us. It would be dark within the next fifteen minutes and walking was stupid. I shouldn't have to walk. And if I did, I wouldn't get far before he came after me.

Jasper finally spoke again. "Don't be mad."

_Don't be mad._ "How the hell can I not be mad?" I shouted.

"What the hell is your problem? You already know I won't let you leave. Me saying it out loud doesn't make it any truer than it already is."

I had always thought about just how far he would be willing to go to get something he wanted. I had never once considered what he would do to keep what he already had. The Jasper I was talking to was the one who sought to control every aspect of my life.

Wanting to run and having no way to do so was the same thing as being caged like a rabbit. Worse yet, the gloating smile on Jasper's face told me he was one of those sick kids who poked sticks at the rabbit. I hated those kids, but I loved him, which proved just how messed up my head was becoming.

Jasper crossed the room and held my hands. "Our room. Our house. Our life. You promised me this was permanent, and I'm not letting you leave me."

Whenever my emotions got the best of me, whether it be anger, happiness, or any other emotion, I couldn't stop the tears that always came. They started falling steadily after I heard what he said. It was just confirmation of every fear that was now taking root in my head. He was suffocating me again, and I really needed to get some air.

Jasper was saying something to me, but the words didn't register. I sat down on the floor and focused on getting my head straight. He wasn't crazy. His biggest fear was that I would leave him. His unpredictable behavior was just a symptom of whatever was going on in his life that he wasn't telling me. I was not going to become Vivian Hale. This was just getting blown out of proportion.

_Use your words. _

_Tell him he is scaring you._

_Don't just sit there and let this become your life._

For some reason, I couldn't talk. My breathing was heavy and none of my thoughts could make their way to my lips. Some of the old weight from before settled around my shoulders. I was getting way too emotional over this. It was nothing, just him being a jackass again, and I should have been used to that by now.

So, why did I feel like I was having some sort of breakdown? Was I this weak? Or had all the crap from the last few weeks finally hit me? My only answer was that no matter what the problem was Jasper could make me better. I had complete faith in my crazy, obsessive boyfriend. One could argue that this was my greatest flaw, but those people hadn't seen the middle toe of my right foot. It wasn't pretty.

Jasper moved to where he was sitting behind me. "Just lean back against me and relax, Bella."

I did just as he asked. He talked some more, and his voice was more soothing than it should have been. After a few minutes, I began to listen to what he was saying and let it register. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have acted like I did. I just get worried about losing you, and it makes me say and do stupid shit."

Jasper combed my hair to the side and rested his head on my shoulder. "Talk to me. I don't want you thinking you can't tell me how you feel."

Why would I feel like I could? Not twenty minutes before, he had showed me just how little my feelings mattered when he treated me like I was unimportant. I had felt as valued as an old lamp.

_Turn Bella on. She gives good light. _

The odd thought made me laugh, and then I started to cry again. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Sshh. Bella, it's okay," Jasper whispered to me.

Words started coming out. "It's not okay. It's not okay at all. When you ignore me, it makes me feel like I'm back in Forks living with Charlie. I tried talking to him so many times, and he never once said anything to me. Emmett wasn't much better. It was a daily rejection by the two people who should have loved me but didn't."

I liked to think I was over all the crap that had happened with my family, but it was a lie. I had never let myself take the time to really feel it. I had shut myself off from it the same way I did everything else. I was back to only feeling something when Jasper brought the emotions out of me. It was proof positive that he wasn't the only one of us in need of some therapy.

Heck, our whole group should probably get some kind of package deal. We certainly deserved a discounted rate at minimum.

"What else?" he asked.

More words came. I couldn't seem to shut them up. "I'm always walking on eggshells hoping I don't do anything to cause you to lose your temper or have one of your mood swings. Having to be so careful around you makes me feel like I can't be myself. It's constant work, and I'm left wondering if how I feel is less important than how you feel. Shouldn't it be equal?"

His arms tightened around me. "I know what that feels like."

"You do?"

"Yeah, my dad would lose his shit over the least little thing, and my mom and I were always waiting for the next shoe to drop. It was always stupid stuff that set him off. When I was thirteen, we were remodeling a bathroom when I dropped a tile and broke it. He got mad and hit me with a hammer. It ended up breaking a couple bones in my left hand."

His confession took me straight out of the nonsense my own mind was spewing. My own crazy thoughts were nothing compared to his.

Jasper had more to say. "Before I was fourteen, I was a scrawny little thing, and then overnight, I was just big. It made life easier and harder."

"How so?"

One of his hands reached out and trailed along the side of my face. The gentle touch was in complete contrast to the words that accompanied it. "I could finally hit back and make him feel it. It was fun for him until I started to win. Then it was fun for me."

Well, that explained his violent tendencies and so many of the other problems he had. I had no clue what to say. My way of dealing with things was to cry like a baby, which I was already doing.

Finally having some confirmation about his father made me want to haul ass up to Washington and kill the man. The thought of anyone laying a hand on My Jasper set me off into another fit of tears. "I hate your dad. Can we kill him?"

"Believe me, I've thought about it, but I finally decided he wasn't worth the effort."

I sniffled. "You're right, and getting rid of a body is such a pain in the ass."

Jasper hugged me closer into him. "How is it that I screw up and you end up feeling bad for me?"

"I feel bad because I love you, and you can't help but screw up. Look how you were taught."

The conversation paused. Something I said bothered him. "There's no excuse for what I do, Bella. I've known for a long time that the shit in my head ain't right, and I've never tried to fix it. That's gotta change. I can't have you living like I did, and I don't want to become like my dad."

_Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. _"Then, we'll find someone who can help you. I should probably talk to them, too. I'm no prize myself."

Jasper wiped my tears away. "That's where you're wrong. You are my prize, and someday, I'll deserve you."

What a strange evening this turned out to be. I had an odd, little breakdown, and Jasper finally revealed more of himself. It was awful and beautiful, but with us, it usually worked that way. I didn't think we could follow a different path. We seemed firmly set on this one.

"Do you still want to go to your brother's house?" he asked. "I'll understand if you do, and I won't stop you."

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving. This is home, Jasper."

I could feel the relief that flooded through him. Not for the first time, I thought about how I would never leave him. There was just no way I could do it.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hmm."

My guy extended an extra olive branch. By this point, it was unnecessary, but I loved that he did it anyway. "Those pictures. They were of my mom."

He still didn't open up and talk about her, but the fact that he mentioned her was a step in the right direction. I think he took several of those tonight. We both did.


	24. Chapter 24

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 23 - Beer Dog

I hated planes with a passion. They always made me feel sick. The last time I went to an out of state game, Edward held my hand the whole time and tried to distract me. It worked mostly. Today, Jasper was holding my hand, and it wasn't working at all. I was miserable, and it was mostly because he wouldn't stop talking. For the first time ever, I wished he was Edward, who knew when to be quiet.

Jasper squeezed my hand. "I'm never letting you fly again." _Fine with me._

"Is there anything I can do?" _Be quiet._

"Does this happen every time?" _Not this bad. I blame you._

"No more flying." _And on and on and on._

If I had a stapler, I would put it to use on his lips. I didn't know what was worse, feeling nauseous or listening to him.

What did help were the crackers and water a flight attendant brought me. They helped settle my stomach, and I was finally able to relax and even managed to doze off. When I woke up again, we had arrived at our destination in Colorado.

The ride to the hotel was a blur. I didn't remember it and even fell asleep again. When we arrived at the hotel, I discovered that Jasper and I were staying at a completely different one from our friends, which was not the original plan. It went along with the different flight we ended up taking. He purchased new tickets and canceled my hotel reservations before making his own. It was so typical of him, but today, I was too tired to care.

The nap I took helped. Jasper didn't wake me up until an hour before we were supposed to be downstairs to meet everyone for dinner. It was going to be the first time in years Jasper would be seeing Esme and Carlisle.

I had no idea what to expect. I knew Carlisle didn't like Jasper, who actually had a great deal of respect for the other man. I had also never seen the two of them in a room together. This could prove interesting.

The plan was for everyone to meet in the lobby of our hotel. Jasper and I were the last to arrive. I wasn't the problem. He was. He took entirely too much time getting ready. It was like watching a woman prepare for a first date. His hair wasn't right, and the shirts he brought weren't good enough. After he was finally happy with his appearance, he started pacing and mumbling to himself.

When I looked at the clock and saw that we were already ten minutes late, I grabbed onto him and pulled him out of the room. The mumbling continued in the elevator. Just as the door started to open, he took a deep breath and grabbed my hand. The cool, confident person he showed to the rest of the world switched on inside of him. Any nerves melted away like they had never been there in the first place. The transformation was stunning.

The first person I saw when we stepped out of the elevator was Edward. He was standing next to his father. They were having what looked to be a quiet argument. Esme, Rose, and Alice were having their own conversation a few feet away.

Jasper's hold on my hand tightened as we approached. In what would be a first, Esme didn't greet me with a hug. She moved to where she was standing next to her husband. Her smile looked drawn on and didn't match the concern in her eyes.

Carlisle spoke first. "Bella, it's good to see you again. Jasper, you're looking well."

Jasper returned the greeting with a respectful one of his own. "Thank you, sir. It is a pleasure to see you again." He nodded at Esme. "Good evening, Esme."

His greeting made Carlisle look like he wanted to breath fire. Esme, on the other hand, replaced the fake smile with a genuine one that matched the warmth in her eyes. She was back to not knowing how to feel about Jasper. It reminded me of my own mixed feelings I used to have. Had I not flip-flopped over and over on the subject? Now my feelings were set. I loved him, and anyone that didn't like it could piss off.

Dinner was an odd replay of my birthday from several years prior. This time it wasn't Charlie blatantly ignoring me; it was Carlisle ignoring Jasper. I remembered how Jasper was the only person to say something about what was happening. Tonight, it was tempting for me to do the same for him, but I knew it wouldn't be wise.

It was sad to observe the similarities and differences between the three men at the table. In many ways, Jasper resembled Edward. Both were trying desperately to impress a man who seemed less than interested. Edward was going on and on about his volunteer work, but Carlisle's attention was firmly on ignoring Jasper to the point where he didn't even hear his own son.

Then there was Jasper, who was on his absolute best behavior. He was polite and sociable in ways I didn't even know he was capable of. Esme was doing her best to help him along by mentioning various donations his family had made to the hospital. I didn't know why she didn't just say he made the donations. We all knew he did.

Esme helping Jasper only pushed Edward further along on his round of achievements. I could tell it hurt him to hear his mother praise someone else's actions without so much as a nod in the direction of his. The whole thing was just bizarre. I felt like I was watching some kind of twisted family film.

There was the father with the ridiculously high expectations. While his copper haired son was the clear favorite, he could ignore the boy simply because of how much effort he put into hating the black sheep, who was being played by Jasper. The mother was trying to help the black sheep much to the disgust of the golden child who seemed to resent her love for someone he thought wasn't worthy of her attention.

The history between Vivian Hale and Carlisle didn't explain this weird dynamic, but I knew of no other reason for it to exist. Jasper wasn't connected to their family, but what I saw in his eyes was a desperate need to belong. It was the only time I had ever seen that from him. He held himself apart from everyone, but in this moment and at this table, he was trying so hard to be a part of a family that wasn't his own.

Esme's actions were only confusing things and giving him false hope. He would never belong unless Carlisle let him. It was such a change from the fatherly support the man showed my brother and me. He had welcomed us with open arms, and he all but slammed a door in Jasper's face. It was just heartbreaking to watch.

After dinner ended, Carlisle requested a moment with Jasper. While they were off talking, I was conveniently left alone with Edward. Jasper was observing from his vantage point across the room.

"Are you really going to end our friendship because of him?" Edward asked.

"No, I'm hoping all this will blow over, and things will get back to normal."

"And what is normal? You with him. Me thinking it's a bad idea. Everyone else agreeing with me but not saying it. Jasper controlling every part of your life."

Oh boy. Someone turned the channel back to a rerun. Any second now, I would be watching Lucille Ball on the big screen that was my life. I was caught in a endless cycle where I had the same conversations over and over. Who was it that said history repeats itself because no one was listening the first time? I didn't know, but they were smarter than all of us.

"Edward, say something new or go on your merry way. I'm not talking about this again."

"What happened to you? You used to be nicer."

"And you used to be honest. I guess we're both disappointed."

What else was there to say? Telling him I missed him would invite trouble. Letting him know I thought about him all the time would send the wrong message. Reviewing how wrong he was to mess with Jasper was a waste of time. I couldn't think of one single thing to say to him.

My curiosity eventually provided me with a topic. "Why did you have pictures of Vivian Hale?"

"They belong to my dad. I had to sneak them out of an old photo album and make copies."

That made sense, but something else didn't. "Why did you do it? You hate Jasper."

Boy did that comment get a negative reaction. It was like I insulted his mom or something.

"Let's get something straight. I don't hate Jasper. I hate that he's with you and what it will do to your life, but how I feel about him outside of that is something altogether different. And as for his mom, he was crushed when she left him. If he wants pictures of her, he gets them. I don't care if my dad likes it or not."

I was always adrift at sea when it came to these people. They were the ocean, and I was the girl in a raft with no clue as to where the tide would take me next. Whenever I thought I understood something, they changed up the rules or shifted their loyalties. What irked the most was that they were never lost. They understood what was going on under the surface, and I didn't even know there was another layer until much later.

Edward picked up on my confusion. "It's not so hard to understand if you really think about it. We all care about each other. It's just that we care about some people more. For me, you come first, and Jasper is last. The others make up the middle, but we all love each other in our own way."

He was right. We all had our own order of importance we applied to the people in our lives. It wasn't something we openly admitted, but it was there. For me, it was Jasper and Emmett first, and everyone else came after.

I looked over at Jasper and Carlisle who were still talking. "What do think they're saying?"

"They have a lot of ground to cover. There is the Alice issue. My dad didn't like the way Jasper kicked her out. He thinks it could have been handled with a gentler touch. What he doesn't get is that Alice needs tough love, but my dad sees her like he does you. She's his girl and he's protective."

"What else?" I asked.

"When my dad saw my face after the tree thing, he wanted me to press charges or some shit to teach Jasper a lesson. I wasn't going to let it happen, so I told him the truth about what I had been doing. He's probably checking Jasper's story to make sure they line up."

I guess Edward's lack of honesty wasn't so much an issue after all. "What do you think Jasper is saying about that?"

"Knowing him, he's taking some of the blame off me and putting it on himself to make me look better to my dad. Jasper may be pissed at me, but he's naturally protective of all his friends."

This was the perfect example of why I was in the dark with these people. They acted like enemies but were loyal like family. They needed to write out some sort of rule book for me, so I could keep track of their craziness.

I switched topics. "What can you tell me about Vivian Hale?"

Where before Edward was half focused on me and half focused on Jasper and his dad, I now had his full attention. "You don't want to know what I think of that woman."

His tone left me in no doubt that he hated her. It wasn't a mild dislike. Edward hated Jasper's mom. "I do want to know."

"You won't like it," he warned.

"There's been a lot I don't like here lately. So, just tell me."

"Vivian Hale was a selfish, bitch of a woman just like her mother. She left her son and her niece with a man she knew was abusive. She refused all attempts my family made to help her or them. When questions were asked, she denied everything. Jasper's pride kept him quiet, and Rosalie's fear shut her up. They had no one."

I was back to lost. "Jasper wouldn't have stood quiet while anyone, much less his dad, hurt Rose."

"The dad never went after Rose. The grandmother wouldn't let him."

I hadn't thought about the role Jasper's grandmother would have played in all this. The woman I pictured wouldn't have let her son-in-law hurt Jasper, Rose, or her own daughter. "Why would she protect Rose but not Jasper or his mom?"

Edward lip curled up with disgust. "You mean the beloved, infallible Gram? That woman was as cold as they come. She thought her daughter was getting what she deserved, and she thought Jasper needed discipline beat into him. It was only when things started getting out of hand that she even bothered to step in."

No. This wasn't possible. "This doesn't fit with the way he talks about her. He adored that woman."

"Bella, think about it for a minute. He was a stray dog who took whatever scraps were thrown at him. She did just enough to make him love her, but it was never enough to really help him."

I had this sudden need to just punch something. What the hell kind of family acted like that? Jasper would have been better off if he was raised by wolves. "Why didn't you all tell me this stuff about him?"

Edward just blinked at me like he woke up from a nap. "I shouldn't have even told you what I did. We don't talk about his past. Nothing pisses him off more than people giving out information."

"So, why did you?"

"Because I'm tired of watching you flounder in the dark. You have no idea who he is or where he comes from, and that's why you can't see where he's going."

That old voice in my head came back. _You're not living a love story, Bella. Life is not a fairy tale. There is no happy ending for you at the end of this book. There is only the life you choose with a person you don't even know. _

I wanted to yell at that voice to shut up. I knew I wasn't living a traditional love story. I was living mine. Fairy tales didn't happen, and Cinderella could kiss my ass. She could take one cheek and Snow White could have the other one. I was living my own story, and the ending was up to me. And that ending would have a happy Jasper. I would accept nothing less.

I glanced over at the corner and saw that Jasper was growing increasingly impatient to get away from Carlisle. He was watching us like a hawk and wasn't at all happy with how much time I had spent talking to Edward. Whatever the two of them were discussing ended quickly when Jasper appeared to agree to something Carlisle asked.

A minute later, the two of them joined us. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was said. My answer came when Jasper shook Edward's hand and apologized for what happened with the tree. The way he said it made me think of someone who just swallowed a bucket of nails.

Edward, in turn, apologized for his own behavior, and Carlisle looked on like he just drafted a peace treaty between warring nations, which he kind of did. After five minutes of polite conversation, we all went our separate ways.

Peace wasn't something that came easy to Jasper Whitlock. He made himself a drink the second we returned to our room. He drank it down quickly before making another one. After finishing it off, he set the glass down in a very controlled manner. It was the sign I needed to know just how upset he was. On a scale from one to ten, he was sitting at about a seven. We could work with a seven.

"Carlisle wants me to ease off my Edward restrictions. What do you think of that?"

The question was a result of the visits he was having with the doctor we found. He went twice a week, and I was going once a week. The biggest change was him asking me my opinion and then discussing how his feelings differed.

Another change was that he stopped locking himself away in a room if he was angry. He still went to his own space, but the door was left open. No locked doors was a promise we both made.

I answered truthfully. "I think Edward is only as big an issue as _you_ make him. In fact, you dictating who I can talk to is going to cause more problems between us than Edward ever could."

"And you only agreed to keep me happy, right?"

I nodded. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Jasper let out a disgruntled groan. "I won't keep you from talking to him or seeing him, but if he kisses you again, I won't be as nice as I was last time."

Nice was slamming someone in a tree? "You need to work on your definition of the word nice."

Jasper crooked a finger at me and gave me a devilish smile. "Come here and we'll work on it together."

* * * * * *

After the game, we were supposed to leave with everyone else to return to Texas. My guy made alternate plans. We weren't flying. He refused to let me get on a plane after how bad I felt on the trip up here. His solution was for us to drive back to Texas, which was fine with me.

Long road trips were something I always loved. Traveling with Jasper was an odd mix of good and bad. He actually opened up more about his family, which was good, but the story he told was depressing. He was reminiscing about his grandfather and the fishing trips the two of them took to Colorado. They would camp out and spend days together away from the rest of the world.

Their little excursions sounded like they were more about training than they were about fun. Discussions weren't limited to trout. Predator/prey lessons were mixed in with status protection. The lesson he was telling me about now was sharks. At least, it was supposed to be.

"He liked to compare human behavior to fish," Jasper explained. "It was all about making me a shark instead of a guppy."

"I don't get it."

"I think he was just trying to use a subject he thought would interest me. I liked fishing, and explaining to a kid how you see the order of the world is easier if you explained it through a shark's point of view rather than your own."

"So, how did he see the world?"

"From a distance. He told me the best lesson I could ever learn was to distance myself from my surroundings. I was supposed to see people as numbers instead of as human beings. Or I could look at it like a shark. People are just fish in my ocean. A shark doesn't care about the fish he eats. He just does it because he's hungry."

I was lost. Completely lost. Sharks, numbers, and fish. Where was the connection?

Jasper just shook his head. "It wasn't about me. It was about everyone else. He was responsible for the welfare of a lot of people. He wanted me to learn that I couldn't let people's lives dictate business decisions. To him, they were just numbers on a piece of paper."

"That sounds cold. Are you not supposed to care about anyone?"

"I'm supposed to do whatever makes the most money. People don't matter."

That didn't fit in with Jasper. "I know most people aren't important to you, but you don't care about money at all."

"No, but he did."

"You liked him, right? You talk about him like he was very special to you, but I just can't picture it."

"My grandfather was complicated. He basically cut my mom off because she married my dad, but at the same time, he respected my dad's desire to move up in the world."

"But your dad is a jerk."

"Yeah, but he ain't nothing compared to my granddad. That man could scare the devil. He ruled his world by making people fear him."

This combined with what Edward told me the other night made a few more pieces come together. Every single person in Jasper's life had been a negative influence. It was no wonder he was so off about things. Between his grandparents and his parents, Jasper was lucky to have come out alive.

"So, why didn't he do something to make your dad go away?" I asked.

"My grandfather didn't look at things like you do. To him, my dad was good breeding stock. He kept hoping for more grandkids, but all he got was me."

Breeding stock? Was there anyone in his family even close to normal? "Did he like you?"

"Oh, yeah. I was the prized calf. He liked that I was willing to fall in line with what I was taught but still enough of an individual to go my own way when I didn't like what I was told."

None of this linked up with the respect he had for Carlisle. I would have thought he would think of the man as weak based on what he was taught. "Why do you like Edward's dad so much?"

Jasper glanced over at me with a look of confusion on his face. The subject change was throwing him off. "He's a nice guy. The others in our group got pissed because he lied about being Edward's real dad, but I always understood why he did it. Sometimes the truth is better left unsaid. You do what you have to do to protect what's yours."

"Does it not bother you that he hates you?"

It got real quiet. Jasper reached for the dial of the stereo wanting to turn up the volume, but his hand moved back to the steering wheel. It was confession time again.

"He has his reasons."

Yeah, I knew that. And they were crap reasons. "Carlisle thinks you bought Edward's liquor for him in high school."

"I did."

I should have seen it coming. There wasn't much Jasper wouldn't do. "Care to talk about that?"

Silence.

It was strange to me that he was willing to talk about his family's history but unwilling to explain his own behavior when I already knew of so many other things he had done wrong. Ever since the afternoon when Edward kissed me, Jasper had shut down again when it came to his past. I knew no more now than I did a month ago with the exception of what I got from outside sources.

"You can't just confess something like that and not explain," I told him.

His thumbs hit the steering wheel tapping out a nervous rhythm. "What is there to explain? I did it, and I'm not gonna lie about it."

"How about why? He's your friend, and you should have been helping him."

"I was helping him. I just didn't do it in a very nice way."

"How in the hell is that helping him? You were enabling his addiction."

"I was keeping him out of jail. He was going into liquor stores and stealing the shit. Then he would get loaded and drive home. What the fuck was I supposed to do?"

_Uhm. Talk to his parents. Talk to someone_.

Jasper pulled into a rest stop. "Look. Here's the deal. At first, I was trying to keep him out of trouble. If I bought the shit, I could set up rules. No drinking and driving. No stealing. It kept him in line."

"What about later?"

"Later, it was about me using him to get what I wanted. I needed someone to distract Alice, and he did it. It didn't hurt that I was pissed at him for being such a weak shit."

He really had taken his grandfather's lessons to heart. Only this wasn't about money. It was about doing something for himself, and the people in the mix didn't matter.

I didn't know what to think about what he was telling me. I was blank. "Can we stop for the night? I'm tired, and this stuff is making me ill."

We continued on to the next town and found a hotel. The quiet in the car was uncomfortable to say the least. I was trying to go through his explanation and not get mad at him. This was all stuff that happened years ago. He wasn't that person anymore, right? I should give him the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't like I didn't know he was flawed. Given what I knew of his upbringing, how could he not be?

There was no talking between us for the next hour. Jasper went out to get dinner, and I took a long shower. Having a little time away from him was nice. I didn't have those eyes resting on me and making me feel like prey. There was something unnerving about the way he watched me sometimes. Days like this made it worse. He was always worried I would leave or get angry with him. It made him pay even closer attention to everything I did or said. In turn, I got more nervous because of it.

After he returned, we ate dinner in silence. It continued for another hour until Jasper finally got tired of it. I was getting ready for bed and was washing my face when he came up behind me.

"I know you're pissed at me, but just listen to my side. If I hadn't done the things I did, he would have killed himself or someone else. He wasn't going to stop and wouldn't have listened to anyone. Does it excuse what I did? No, but it explains it. Should I have pawned him off on Alice to make my own life easier? No, but I did. And I regret it. I was a shitty friend, and I wish I could change things."

I wasn't pissed. I was tired. Being bombarded with bad stuff about him always wore me out, but I still had to get clarification on something. "I don't get the Alice thing."

"You try having that girl crawl on you constantly and not get tired of it. She had her uses, but she didn't know how to go away afterwards."

Okay. Now my ears were burning. "Did you have sex with Alice?"

Jasper laughed at me. "Do I look stupid? That bitch is crazy. I installed a deadbolt in my room at her house just to keep her out."

Well, that was at least one good answer. "You know what? I don't care. You used to be a jerk, but now you're a nice guy. I can live with that."

He ran a finger under the neck of my t-shirt. "You wouldn't like me if I was a nice guy, would you?"

I smacked his hand away. "Yes, I would. Now, let's go to bed."

That damned grin that killed me every time showed up. "Good idea."

He really did have me just where he wanted me. Jasper made up the greater part of my world. Every week I spent with him, I became more and more dependent on him. Every day tied me closer to him. I always knew I was going to end up here, and now that I was, I didn't mind.

Life was easier when I listened to what he wanted. For so much of my life, I ran the show. My mother didn't raise me so much as she befriended me. My father wasn't even worth talking about. I was my own parent, and I failed at it.

I didn't even feel bad about letting Jasper take over my world. In my own way, I did the same to him. There was an odd balance to our relationship, and it worked.

I even had a screwed up excuse for why I put up with his bullshit. Jasper was the one person who loved me all the time. His feelings didn't waiver. The way he felt now would be the way he felt in twenty years. I would never have to fear that he would stop loving me the way my father did or the way I thought my brother did. As messed up as Jasper was, he was a guarantee in some respects. My crazy, obsessive boyfriend would stick with me until the end. I was certain of it.

* * * * * *

I woke up on Monday morning with one of Jasper's arms draped over my chest. I tried to extricate myself from him without waking him up, but that proved easier said than done. Every time I tried to move away, he pulled me in closer. Finally, I realized he was just as awake as I was.

I nudged him in the ribs. "Quit pretending you're asleep, you big faker."

Jasper nuzzled my neck. "Wiggle up against me some more. I like it."

He liked anything that kept us in bed. When I made a move to get up, he wasn't willing to let me go. "No, we're staying in bed all day."

"But I'm starving."

He rolled over onto his back and groaned. "Fine, but we're getting back in this bed the minute we finish eating."

"No, we have class, and you've already missed enough."

"You're trying to make me mad. Aren't you?"

His complaining was so funny. "No," I laughed out.

"Fine. Breakfast, shower, school, bed," he grumbled. "That order and no deviation."

I rubbed a soothing hand over his chest. "I'll make breakfast. You shower."

"What did I just say about no deviating from the plan? If you mess up the order from the beginning, I'll never get you back in here."

He always got me back in bed. It was a special skill of his. "You just wanna take a shower with me."

His grin told me I was right. If I hadn't been so dang hungry this morning, I would have been tempted.

I made sure I was up and well out of reach before I made my next comment. "If you keep whining like that, I'll start thinking wondering if you're really a girl."

"Not funny."

"Come on, Jasmine. Laugh a little. It's a new day." I threw over my shoulder as I walked out the door.

A pillow hit me in the back. "You are not gonna call me Jasmine."

"Take your shower, Jasperella."

Thirty minutes later, I was marveling at just how distracting he was with his wet hair and his unbuttoned shirt. I burnt part of our food and had to start over twice, which he found highly amusing. Something about this morning made me think of the first time I cooked him waffles. So much had changed since then.

After cleaning up the kitchen, we moved into the living room. Jasper pulled me over to sit on his lap and breathed in the smell of my hair. "What are you thinking about?"

I rested my head on his shoulder. "That first morning you stayed with me in Forks."

"That was a good day. The waffles. The dock. You got sunburned. Then you went on a date with another guy. _That_ was special."

I laughed. Of course, he would remember that part. "I wonder how James is doing."

"He's with Angela now. I saw them a few months ago in Forks."

"Wow. Really?"

"Yeah. They're engaged. The wedding is supposed to be this summer."

I couldn't believe it. "What about Ben?"

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "How many people end up with their high school sweetheart?"

Good point. "I only know of Rose and Emmett."

"What about us?"

"I guess I don't really think of us that way. We were together for such a short time, and no one even knew about us until we were over."

"We were never over, Bella. You just spent a few years running away from me."

It was true. I did run from him, and I was glad that I did. There was no way we could have dealt with the problems we both had. We were struggling to do it now, but it would have been impossible back then.

* * * * * *

"Four hours and twenty-three minutes," Jasper said out of nowhere.

It was Tuesday afternoon. We were lying in bed and were supposed to be studying for an exam we had the next day. It would have worked if he wasn't trailing his fingers down my neck and playing with the buttons on my shirt.

I set my work to the side. "What are you talking about?"

"That was how long we were apart yesterday. I didn't like it," he complained.

"It was just a few hours."

He leaned over and started kissing along the trails his fingers made. "We need to study," I reminded him.

"It can wait. I want to talk to you about something."

"My shirt or my neck?" I teased.

"We can talk about them in a minute. I had something else in mind."

"What?"

"How do feel about making this a little more permanent?"

I thought this was permanent."What do you mean?"

"You still have a lot of stuff over at your brother's. If we move it all over here, it'll save you all that time you waste going back and forth between our house and his."

I had to smile at that. "This is getting dangerously close to a relationship. Are you sure you can handle that?"

It was a joke, but he took me seriously. "If it were up to me, we would already be married. I'm taking baby steps just to keep from scaring you off."

Married. Me and Jasper. It wasn't something I ever really thought about. We were already committed to each other. Anything else was just icing on the cake.

"Bella, are you going to say anything?"

I turned my head and looked at him. "About which part?"

"Any of it would be good. Don't just leave me hanging out here like an idiot?"

I went with the easy one. "We can move my stuff over here. I'm okay with that."

"What about the other?"

He just had to ask about that. Dammit. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't a fear of marriage. It was the gut feeling I had that if I said anything remotely positive about it Jasper would have me at a courthouse in five minutes to get a license.

My smart man read my mind. "I'm not going to kidnap you and haul you off to the Justice of the Peace. I just want to know if it's something you might want to do someday."

"Someday sounds good."

And then he said the most random thing. "Someday is smart. Besides, we need to get a dog first."

"A dog. Why?"

"It's a compatibility thing."

"How so?"

Jasper propped himself up on an elbow and smiled down at me. "What if you're a martini dog kind of girl? I can't handle that. I'll have to find someone else."

A martini dog? "What is that?"

"It's a fuffie dog. You know, a small wussy thing that fits in a purse. I want a beer dog."

I giggled up at him. "Could you say fuffie again? That was the cutest thing ever."

"Fu-ffie," he said accenting the first syllable.

What on earth had put him in such a good mood? "You're being so silly today. I love it. Now, what's a beer dog?"

"A beer dog is a dog that sits with you out on the porch while you drink beer. He's a comfort dog. Like a lab or a hound."

I could kind of see his point, which was a little weird. "What other kinds are there?"

"There's a whiskey dog. It's a more aggressive dog. Like a chow or a rottweiler. Something that takes the right owner."

"Does the dog match the owner? You want a beer dog. Does that make you a beer man?"

He laughed. "No. I'm a whiskey man who loves a beer women, which is what you are."

"But I don't like beer," I reminded him.

"It's not about like, angel. It's about personality. You might like your whiskey, but you're a beer girl. Comfortable and reliable but with a bit of sass."

I was starting to pick this up. "So, are you an aggressive breed who needs a proper owner to train you?"

"Absolutely. I'm just waiting for you to slap a collar on me and call me yours."

Nothing could get better than this. He was finally loosening up and showing more of his hidden playful side. It was a missing piece that completed an important corner of the puzzle and was the best gift he could have given me. I loved this Jasper. He could make me smile and laugh until my face hurt.

I was finally happy. Unfortunately, happy scared the hell out of me. I knew it never lasted, and right now, my instincts told me that dark clouds were gathering on the horizon. My fear was that we were not yet strong enough to withstand the storm. If a strong enough gust of wind picked us up, would it leave us in one piece when we were dropped back to the ground? I could only hope that it would.


	25. Chapter 25

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 25 - Don't Leave Me

Life was good, really good, but it didn't last. We were fine one day and the next, BOOM. Everything Jasper said pissed me off. It wasn't even rational half the time. My mood would swing from fine to fury in a flash. I couldn't even pinpoint what was making me so irritable. It was just there. It showed up out of the blue and didn't appear to be going anywhere.

The first sign of it came around the end of October. I was sitting in the living room when the doorbell rang. With the exception of Emmett and Rosalie, we never had visitors. No one else came here, and it was just how we liked it.

When I answered the door, a short man with thick glasses and a bad comb over was standing there. I had never seen him before. "Can I help you?"

He smiled nervously. "Good afternoon. I'm here to …"

Jasper came up behind me and interrupted him before he could finish speaking. "I got this, Bella. You can go on inside if you like."

If he didn't want me talking to the man, I didn't care, but he didn't have to be rude about it.

Ten minutes later, he came back in the house. "I'll be in here if you need me," he said as he entered the study.

Hours went by before he finally came out. I had given him his space and kept my nose in a book. Now that he was out and sitting next to me, I asked what I thought was a reasonable question. "Who was that?"

"One of my lawyers."

That was his answer. Jasper would never accept that explanation, but it was what he gave me. "Why was he here?"

"I had him draw up some papers."

My temper flared. It came out of nowhere and burst out of me in a flash. "Don't bother speaking if you're not going to answer the question," I snapped.

"I did answer your question," he said in a neutral voice.

The lack of a real response elevated my ill humor. I threw my book at him aiming for his chest. "Vague, bullshit answers tell me nothing."

Jasper finally caught up to my level of pissed. He slammed my book on the coffee table. "I answered your question. If you want to know more, all you have to do is ask."

"I don't want to know now. It's not like I care what you do."

I hurt his feelings, but I didn't care. He was just so mean to me all the time.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just ask me."

"I don't want to know anything," I roared as I threw a pillow at him. "Just keep your stupid secrets."

"Would you please stop throwing shit at me?"

My legs wanted to kick at him. Rather than do that, I stomped out of the room. "You're such an asshole."

We had our next problem a few days later, but it didn't lead to an argument, which was a relief. We had a new one of those every day and usually several times a day. There was little doubt that I started them. They were repeats of the first one, and he didn't have to say or do anything to set me off.

One time, I got so mad about the knives in the kitchen being gone that I threatened him with a skillet. Another time, I went on a tirade about a book I couldn't find. It was right where I left it, on the dresser in our bedroom. All our arguments ended the same. I would run off and avoid him, and an hour later, I would apologize. I was, after all, the one in the wrong.

The issue today was about me wanting answers, and Jasper didn't want to give them to me. I had been gifted with more stories since the day he talked about his dog, Simon, but I needed more and was getting impatient. I was tired of not knowing anything about him other than what our friends gave me. Why didn't he talk about himself? I knew next to nothing about his past or his life beyond the little bubble we created. Did he not trust me?

I had so many questions I never asked because I respected his privacy, but they were starting to get to me. Who was he really? I knew his heart and his mind, but I knew very little about his past. Did that mean I didn't even know him? Or did it mean that I knew the important parts and the rest were just details?

If I had been thinking rationally, I would have seen that he was telling me things, and I did know him. It was slow going, but it was something. But I didn't see it. All I saw was him hiding things from me.

"Is there anything you don't know about me?" I asked.

We were on the deck outside our bedroom. It had become a ritual to come out here every evening after I officially moved into our room. I was in a good mood for a change, and Jasper was bored, which was starting to bother me.

My question made the boredom flee. His brow furrowed in frustration over not knowing where this was going. "I can't think of anything."

"Why do you know everything about me when I don't get to know anything about you? How is that fair?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and got that stubborn look on his face that told me I wasn't getting anything. "I've been telling you stuff, and I'm sure there is crap I don't know about you."

I decided to challenge him on that. "What was the name of the boy I dated my freshman year in college?"

Jasper's face turned red. "Mike Newton, and you didn't go on dates. You slept with him twice before telling him to get lost."

It wasn't right that he knew that. It was actually scary to know that he knew that much about me. "Did you have people following me all the time?"

He looked away from me. I would get no answers from him, not when he thought they might make me leave or start an argument. The saddest part of this was that he was right to be careful. On any other day, it would have likely ended in another argument. Today, I didn't feel like wasting my time with it. I was too tired for an argument, way too tired.

As for leaving, I wouldn't leave over this because a part of me liked that he was that interested in me. He had been so invested in me after what happened between us that he watched every aspect of my life. It wasn't normal or right to feel complimented by this attention. I knew this, but I couldn't help the feeling. Was it a product of my bad relationship with my father? I couldn't say. I just knew that it felt good to have one person who cared about me, even if it went beyond what it should.

I rose to my feet and dusted off my pants. It was me trying to act unaffected. It didn't work. Jasper's eyes were sharp as he took in my every movement while he tried to interpret my mood.

"I think I'll go to bed." My tone was devoid of any clues for him. "Or are you going to actually volunteer a little information about yourself."

With my attitude lately, it was no wonder he turned down my invitation to talk about himself. Why offer anything to someone who was yelling that they didn't care? That was me. I was yelling and screaming at him constantly. The first few times he had been fine with it, but he was now walking around like a wounded animal. He didn't deserve how I treated him, but I couldn't seem to stop. I had stopped apologizing because even doing that led to an argument half the time.

Jasper never did come to bed that night. I assumed he was in one of the other bedrooms, and I let myself drift into a restless sleep full of secrets and shadows.

* * * * * *

It was early the next day, and darkness still coated most of the interior of the house. I had never been one to be spooked by that, but a night of dreams filled with shadowy figures had left me on edge. I could feel eyes spying on me from every corner of the room. Knowing the person who put these fears in my head was here with me only added to my feelings of unrest.

It required a great deal of effort to brush off my fanciful thoughts. When I accomplished that, I tiptoed into the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal. My intention was to be as quiet as possible in order to not wake him up. A few minutes of alone time would do me a world of good. I had very little of that lately.

Adding to my bad feelings was a wave of nausea that was coming on pretty strong. I took several deep breaths trying to quell the awful feeling. Skipping dinner last night was not smart. I really needed to eat something before I got sick.

My freshman year in college was rough on my diet. For several weeks, I would get the shakes and feel fuzzy all over before finally getting sick. Once I finally changed up my eating habits, I started feeling better. This was exactly how this felt. With that in mind, I made some toast and ate it slowly. It wasn't long before I was fine again and ready for the rest of my breakfast.

After pouring a bowl of cereal, I turned to walk to the bar. A movement in the corner of the living room plunged me back into my nightmares. A tremor rocked through me, and my grasp slipped. The loud crash from the bowl shattering across the tile floor reverberated across the room. With no thought to my bare feet, I took a step back.

Jasper slipped out of the shadows, and I was able to breathe again. "You scared me."

He scanned the floor taking in the broken pieces lying at my feet. "Don't move. Okay."

I became aware of the mess I made and felt guilty. I knew these dishes belonged to his grandmother. I also knew he would say he didn't care, but he would.

I returned my attention to Jasper as he stepped forward. He was fully dressed and looked like he had been up for hours. The realization made me glance over at the corner where I had initially seen him. Had he been standing there the whole time?

Before I had a chance to really consider that, he picked me up and carried me into the living room. When he set me down on the thick rug in front of the fireplace, he bent down and checked over my feet and my legs as he searched for any injury.

He lifted each foot inspecting both carefully. I told him that I didn't feel anything, but he still went about checking on his own. Next, he tended to my legs. They were fine as well, but it didn't keep him from running his hands along them methodically. In truth, all the touching was making me a little fuzzy in the head.

Other than that, I was fine. Jasper, however, was not. After he was sure I was not cut, he stayed on his knees and leaned his forehead against my stomach. He then wrapped his arms around me and held onto me tightly. His breathing was labored like he had just run a marathon.

Not knowing what else to do, I ran my fingers through his hair trying to calm him down. I didn't know what he was so upset about. Even if I had been cut, it wouldn't have been a big deal.

After a few minutes passed, he leaned his head back and looked up at me. "Please be more careful."

"You know I do stuff like that all the time, right?"

It was like he didn't hear me. Something was very odd about him today. He was not acting like himself at all. No control. No mask. I could see everything he was feeling.

And what I saw made me want to take two steps back, but with his arms holding me securely, there was no place to go. "You can let me go. I'm fine," I assured him.

My hope was that he would release me. He did, but it didn't matter. A change in his eyes eliminated any need I had to back up. I knew what he was thinking now, and it sounded good to me.

Jasper brought his head back down and slipped his hands to the bottom of my night shirt pushing it up. He kissed my stomach. When his blue eyes met mine, I could see him begging for permission to touch me. I felt my lips turn up into a small smile and nodded my head.

His arms lowered, and he slipped his hands down along my hips and backside. It was a delicious feeling. He then started lowering my shorts. "Bella, I need you. Right now."

Okay. This was kind of fast. Too fast.

I let him pull me to the floor and settle over the top of me. I barely even registered that sometime along the way he had unfastened his jeans. "Jasper, slow down."

With a frustrated groan, he rolled off of me and covered his eyes with his hands. I didn't know what to say. I just stayed fixed in that one spot wondering what the hell just happened with him. After a few minutes of him being too quiet and too still, I sat up and moved closer to him. I rested my left hand on his chest and used my other one to run my fingers through his hair.

"Tell me what's wrong."

No answer. Jasper just continued to lie there and ignore me. I was tired of it. Tired and hurt and getting angry. To avoid another argument, I left the room.

I didn't get far before I was stopped. A desperate voice sounded close to my ear. "Don't leave me."

I could feel him trying to hold back his emotions. His hands were on my shoulders, and his grip on me was tightening as he waited for me to speak.

"Jasper, calm down and just breathe for a second. I'm not leaving. I'm going to take a shower and put some clothes on. That's all. I swear."

Relief replaced the desperation from a second ago. He draped an arm around my chest and pulled me back against him. He then leaned his head down and pressed it against mine. "All night long I couldn't sleep. I kept waiting for you to sneak out. It's been driving me crazy."

"I would never sneak out and leave you like that."

"People do that. They do it all the time. They leave, and you never know why."

I turned around and looked up at him. "I will never do that to you. If I ever leave again, you will know why. You will be there to see me go, but I'm not going anywhere. Not again."

"I shouldn't have come here, Bella. I should have just left you alone. You're miserable with me, and I'm trying so hard to make you happy. Nothing works, and I know you're getting tired of me failing you. I thought I could do this, but I don't think I can."

_No. No. No. Don't say that. _"You're never going to be perfect, but I'm okay with that. I'm not perfect either. Look how I've acted the last week. This is all about me messing up. But even if it were you, I would still want to be with you. Good, bad, awful. It's all you, and you are what I want."

"Do you mean it?"

I knew he had problems. I knew that he didn't know how to love someone or how to accept that someone loved him. Too many times in the past, he had been injured by people who were careless with his heart. I expected problems, and I knew that we would have to work hard to get through them. Over the last week, I was the problem. He wasn't failing. I was.

"Of course, I mean it. You are all I ever wanted."

He pulled me back to our bedroom and over to the bed. "I want to tell you something."

Jasper then started to talk about his past. It came out of nowhere and explained more of what made him the way he was.

"My grandparents were from Texas originally. They moved to Washington with my mom when she was sixteen. Gram's best friend was dying, and she wanted to be close to her during her final months. They only planned on staying until she passed, but Washington ended up being like a second home to them. They built the cabin and starting splitting their time between the two states."

I traced a line over his forehead, and he closed his eyes. "Why does that make you frown?" I asked.

"I wish they hadn't moved up there. If they had stayed down here, my mom wouldn't have met my dad. He wasn't good for her. For years, he cheated on her and lied to her."

More strikes against his father. I had yet to hear one good story about the man.

"Things got real worse after my grandfather died when I was ten. Dad got mad about not getting any money, and he took it out on mom and me. Gram found out what was going on and brought me down here for a couple of years. Mom refused to come."

"I'm surprised your father let you go."

"Gram paid him off. I wasn't supposed to know, but he told me. He said she paid for two years and I better enjoy them while they lasted."

His voice was dull as he continued. "When I was fourteen, we all came down here for the last time, but my mom didn't come back with us. She left a note tacked to the front of the fridge and disappeared. I haven't seen her since. She used to send postcards, but it stopped after the first year when Gram died and left everything to me."

"Have you ever tried to find her?"

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "Yeah, she lives down around Austin, with her _new_ family. I even have a little sister. Her name is Charlotte."

"A sister? Oh my God. Have you called them? Are they okay? Who knows about this?"

Throwing too many questions at Jasper was not good for his nerves. His visits with the doctor were going badly. I was being a bitch to him. And now all this was happening.

"Bella, just slow down for a second and let me think."

I clasped his hands in mine and kissed them. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I should have told you about this stuff weeks ago."

"No, listen for a second. I know I've been awful to you, and I'm so sorry for that. You are trying so hard, and I don't tell you enough how proud I am of you."

I might have been proud of him, but he didn't share my feelings. "Don't beat yourself up. You've been a pain in the ass for a couple of days, and it's real amateur shit compared to my own crap."

"Will you give me pointers?" I teased.

"No, but I'll tell you where I hid the knives if you promise not to stab me with them."

I smacked him playfully. "I knew you were hiding them from me."

"Let's get this talking thing done, so I can make it up to you."

His plan called for sex, but I was going to demand breakfast. "My ears are open."

"So, this guy I hired found them in late September. I have a file full of photos from picnics and trips to the zoo. My mom still draws pictures. I bet my sister has a ton of them in her room."

I was transported back to the cabin and all of the drawings on the wall in the little bedroom. They were small gifts from his mother. With his temper, it was a wonder Jasper didn't destroy them after she left.

"Did she remarry or something?" I asked.

"She did, but there's no way it's legal. She's still married to my dad, and she's going by a completely different name."

This all sounded so crazy. "What about your sister?"

"Hold on, and I'll get the file."

Jasper left the room and came back a few minutes later. We spread the photos over our bed. I was shocked by how much the little girl resembled him. She could have been his daughter.

I picked up a photo of the infamous Vivian Hale, aka Gillian Marshall. "Your mom looks happy."

"She is, and it pisses me off. I understand she wanted a different life, but hell, she could have left a better note or called sometimes. Instead, she left in the middle of the night and just disappeared."

Knowing this explained so much about him. My understanding would improve the more he talked.

"I thought for a long time that she got hurt or died, and it kept her from letting us know how she was. It's why I'm so crazy about knowing where you are and wanting you with me all the time. I have to know that you're safe because for so long I didn't know she was."

The way he watched me may have been a little off, but at least, I had an explanation for why he did it. I didn't doubt that there was more to the story that made things even worse. What he told me was just the tip of the iceberg. He would probably never give me the whole story, and I didn't blame him.

* * * * * *

When I woke up the next day, Jasper was sleeping soundly. He had an arm draped over me, and I moved it carefully hoping to not wake him. He had stayed up for almost two days when he finally went to bed. I knew he was exhausted. Luckily, he didn't even stir. Very quietly, I tiptoed into the bathroom. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I was ready to start my day.

Or not. I was nauseous again, very nauseous. I was walking to the kitchen when it hit me and barely made it to the closest bathroom in time. This was the worst I had felt in years. I never got sick. I was often injured but never sick. I rinsed out my mouth and brushed my teeth. The taste of the toothpaste set me off again.

When my stomach finally settled down enough for me to move, I staggered into the kitchen. My blood sugar was low and making me feel worse. After eating a slice of toast and drinking a very small glass of orange juice, I felt marginally better, until I happened to glance at the calendar on the fridge.

I was late. I then started adding up all my other issues. Mood swings. Fatigue. And now nausea and vomiting. They all added up to a not so good thing.

_Mood swings._

_Simple virus or morning sickness?_

_You might be. _

_Fuck._

We used condoms, but I wasn't on the pill. The earliest appointment I was able to get was for next week. Like an idiot, I hadn't even bothered trying to make one until after that weekend when we were less than careful. When I got my period in early October, I thought things were fine, and since then, we had been very careful. I insisted on it. This shouldn't be a problem.

_Yeah, all that sex you have means nothing, dumbass._

_Dammit. I have to know. Right now. _

I scribbled out a note, making some excuse about needing milk. After taping the note to the front door, which was where we always left notes, I headed for the store. I choose one on the opposite side of town from where everyone lived. The odds of me running into anyone this early were slim, but I was unwilling to chance it.

I was now sitting in my car in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart, staring at the boxes. I spread them out on the passenger seat and couldn't look away from them. I had three. I was boring enough to get the same brand for all of them. It was the digital readout that sold me. I couldn't screw that up if I tried.

This shouldn't be what I was doing at six in the morning on a Wednesday. I was supposed to be in dreamland next to my man. I wasn't supposed to be sitting here thinking that the world was over if I got a positive result. I also wasn't supposed to be wondering where the hell I would even take the test.

Home was not a good plan. This was the last thing I wanted Jasper knowing about. He would completely freak out. I remembered how he acted the morning before over a broken bowl. This would be like that times a thousand. He would probably lock me in a padded room and only let me out for mandatory doctor visits. The cage I already felt around me would grow smaller with every day.

Nope. I wasn't telling him about this until I was absolutely sure. There was no need to scare him for nothing. He already had enough going on.

With home out of the picture, I needed another option. Taking them in the bathroom of a Wal-Mart was a level of screwed up I wasn't quite ready for. I didn't even consider that option. Going over to Emmett's would be asking for trouble.

It took me twenty minutes to settle on a plan. I would hide them and use the tests when Jasper wasn't home or wasn't paying attention, which hardly ever happened. He never went into the extra bedrooms. Any place in those rooms would be fine to hide the tests until I could use them.

My nerves cracked wide open when I arrived home and saw Jasper waiting in the driveway. I made sure the boxes were hidden in the deep interior pocket of my jacket. Unless he hugged me, he wouldn't know they were there.

He jumped in the middle of me right off the bat. "Where have you been?"

I hadn't expected him to be this angry. "I left a note."

"There was no note. Now, where the hell did you go?"

The stress of the morning pushed my temper into gear. "I don't care how mad you are. You don't get to talk to me that way."

I pushed passed him and rushed through the house to the first bedroom. I could hear the front door slam and knew that I didn't have but a few seconds. I threw the tests into the bottom drawer of the dresser and ran into the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me. I was feeling sick again, and there was no way he was going to see that.

Jasper yelled my name through the rooms of the house as he looked for me. While he searched, I sat on the floor and tried to just breathe.

The doorknob shook. "I know you're in there. Unlock the door."

Tears clouded my vision. I knew I wasn't thinking straight. The frustration of the whole situation was getting to me. I felt miserable, and his feelings weren't even a concern at this point. Not puking again was priority one.

_Just breathe._

"Don't hide from me. Open the goddamn door, Bella."

Still feeling sick, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. "Just go away for a minute."

A loud bang made my breath catch and my heart skip. Jasper kicked the door open. I instinctively curled up away from him. Whether it was my fear from my other problem manifesting itself in a different form or something else, I didn't know.

"You said you wouldn't leave. You said you wouldn't sneak out."

He slammed the door against the wall, rattling the mirrors above the sink. "How could you just fuckin' leave like that after what I told you yesterday? Is this some stupid game?"

A fist was punched into a wall. "Are you trying to scare me? Are you trying to make me mad?"

Each question was shouted louder and louder as he kept throwing more at me. "All you do is snap at me. Nothing I do is right. What did I do to you? Why is nothing I do good enough? Do you hate me? How long before you leave me like everyone else?"

I had to explain. He couldn't keep thinking this way. "Just listen for a minute. I have to tell you something."

"I don't want to hear it. Do you know how it feels to wake up and have no one there? Do you know how it feels to have someone leave you like that?"

"I came back. I was only gone for an hour."

He was running on fear and anger. Nothing I said would matter to him at this point. He was hearing me but twisting it around to add more wood to the fire that was burning us both.

Jasper slammed his hand down on the counter, jarring me with the sound. "You came back _this_ time. Last time you didn't. Do you not even care what it did to me?"

His eyes were filled with more pain than I could have thought possible. I did this to him. I could say that my reasons for leaving the first time were good, and they were. But seeing how much it hurt him was wiping all of that away.

I was going to explain. I was going to tell him everything and hope it fixed what was wrong. All morning, I made one mistake after another. It was like I couldn't think fast enough to stop my own stupidity.

"Listen to me, please," I begged.

His temper exploded. "Shut the fuck up."

He picked up a vase and threw it into the mirror. Glass went everywhere. I had been warned, and I never listened. The person I loved was completely gone.

Fear left me mute. I starting crying uncontrollably and crawled further away from him. When he got closer, I held my arms up to protect myself and closed my eyes waiting for whatever would come.

Something made the world stop. I heard his heavy breathing and could feel him just a few inches from me. I risked a look and found him staring at me with horror filled eyes. He stumbled back, and I could finally breathe again.

I moved my hands down to my face and wiped at my tears. Wet. My fingers were wet. Red. My nose figured out what it was before my eyes did. Blood. My hands were coated in it and stinging, but they weren't important.

Jasper was getting worse. He started crying and mumbling to himself. I couldn't make any of it out. I wanted to help him, but there was no way in hell I was moving. It wouldn't take much to push him back over the edge. I just sat there on the floor watching him and hoping he would calm down like he always did.

When he finally gained a tiny measure of control, he wouldn't look at me. All he did was take a deep breath and exhale slowly before finally speaking again. "Don't wait for me. I won't be coming back."

And then he left. No goodbyes. Nothing. Jasper just left.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of review replies. This next week should be easier for me to get those done for this chapter, and I already have the excerpt picked out.  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. The next update should be Wednesday.  
**


	26. Chapter 26

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 26 - End of the World Crap

_And then he left. No goodbyes. Nothing. Jasper just left._

A minute could make the difference between life going one way and it going another. I was a minute late going after him. Blame it on shock because I was sure as fuck shocked.

When I ran to the front door, I saw his car leaving. I needed my purse. I was going after him.

No keys. He hid my keys.

I started running, not that it did any good. He was long gone, and I was slow.

Ten minutes. A half hour. A year. I didn't know how much time passed. I returned to the house and tried to figure out what to do. The obvious move was to call him. When I did, I heard his phone go off in the kitchen. He left his phone.

I couldn't call Emmett or Edward. They would freak out. I tried Rose, but she didn't answer. There was nothing I could do. I stood at the front door trying to think of something, anything. I came up with nothing.

I returned to the bathroom and checked out the room. I had to be in here. I had to see what happened and try to make sense of this morning. If I could do that, I could find a solution.

Holes in the wall. A broken mirror. Glass on the floor. I focused on the blood that was smeared on the floor. It made a nice, chaotic pattern. It was almost pretty. I turned my hands up and noticed that the left one was much worse than the right. When I spread out my fingers, more blood came.

I ran my hands under some water and saw how deep the cuts on my hand were. The blood was making me woozy. With a blurry head, I wrapped my hand up in a wet towel and sat back down.

_He's gone._

_It's my fault._

I deserved this. I deserved the pain and the blood. This whole morning was my fault. What the hell was I thinking when I left? I should have waited for him to wake up. I should have told him why I left in the first place.

_No, this is not your fault. You left a note. He overreacted. Jasper came at you like a madman. _Was that what really happened? I wasn't sure. Things were starting to blur.

I didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. I just knew that Jasper would come back. He would walk in the door, and he would make everything okay again. Until then, I would wait.

Some time later, the bathroom door swung open. I looked up expectantly. This was not Jasper. This was Rose.

She walked across the room, and glass crunched under her shoes. It was going to scratch the floor. Jasper wouldn't like that. No. He would not like that at all. I warned Rose about it, but she kept coming. She was also talking, but I didn't care much about what she had to say. How important could it possibly be?

I paid her little attention until she crouched down in front of me. "Where is Jasper?" she asked.

"Oh, he left, but he'll be back soon. He said he wouldn't, but I don't believe him."

"Tell me what happened."

"I went to the store. I came home. He got mad. I yelled at him. He got madder. He threw something at the mirror. I got cut when I was trying to escape, and then he left."

I blinked up at her and waited for her to say something. She didn't.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"He called saying he didn't know where you were. I knew he was upset, so I came over to check on him." Rose turned my face up into the light. "Did he hit you?"

She asked it so nonchalantly. It was as if it wouldn't have shocked her if he had. "No, he didn't hit me."

"Then, I would say you got very lucky."

I thought nothing else could surprise me this morning. She just knocked me on my ass.

"You knew Edward was right," I accused. "You knew what Jasper was capable of, and you never told me."

I watched her shrug her shoulders like it was nothing. "You make him happy, and Jasper deserves to be happy. If you suffer a few bumps and bruises on the way, is it really a surprise?"

_Just stab me in the chest._ "How can you be my friend and feel that way?"

"It's not about being your friend. It's about being realistic. I knew there was a chance, and if you're honest with yourself, you knew it, too."

She was right. I knew there was a chance, and I looked over the risks. Could I judge her for doing the same? I knew who she valued most in this world, and even though I was on her list, I was not at the top. She would throw me and anyone else to the wolves if it gave Jasper what he wanted. Her loyalty to him was as powerful as her love for my brother.

There was something sick, yet completely right about the whole thing. It also had a rather sad twist to it. Jasper valued me more than he did her. If the world was burning and he could save only one of us, Rose better hope Emmett was standing in the wings. Otherwise, she was toast.

"Tell me what he said before he left," she requested.

"He said not to wait for him and that he wouldn't be coming back."

"Well, we both know that isn't true, don't we?" She looked down at my hands. "Let's get you to the doctor. Jasper will want you in one piece when he gets back."

I floated in a fog for most of the morning. We went to the hospital. Glass was picked out of my hands. The cuts were treated, and I got a tetanus shot. All of this happened, but I wasn't fully aware of any of it. Rose led me from place to place answering questions and filling out paperwork. I was a mute stump that let things happen to me instead of being an active participant. It was becoming the story of my life.

* * * * * *

There were no phone calls to tell me he was okay. The only communication I had was an envelope delivered the day after he left. In it was a simple note informing me I could stay in the house for as long as I liked and to enjoy all of its amenities, which was his way of reminding me about the money in the safe. I would rather cut off my left arm than spend his money. He could just go jump in a lake.

The next four days were all about denial. I didn't cry or shout or yell. I just tried to tell myself that he was mad and would be walking through the front door any minute, and I would be right here waiting for him.

I started using his soap and shampoo just so I could feel closer to him. Strawberries were out, and the ocean was in. The smell of him surrounded me all day. When I came home from school, I would put on one of his shirts. When I went to bed, I told him goodnight even though he wasn't there to hear it. When dawn came, I told him good morning. He still wasn't there.

The phone rang constantly, and I answered it every time, hoping it would be him. It wasn't. The disappointment never eased up. I got my hopes up with each call, and they were dashed every time.

It was now six days into Jasper being gone, and I was flip-flopping between pissed off and resigned to the situation. If being here when he got back was the only thing I could do to prove to him that I would never give up on us, then I would stay here for the rest of my life.

My pregnancy tests sat in the same place they did when he left. I didn't want to know the results. I was avoiding it with the rationale that if I didn't know the truth the problem didn't exist. No knowledge, no problem. No problem, no decision.

However, there was the little detail of the appointment I made weeks ago. It was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. I wanted to know for sure before I went, and that brought me to my current reality. I was sitting on Jasper's bed staring at the boxes. Getting up the nerve to take the tests was harder for me than going and buying them. I just couldn't seem to do it.

It was pretty stupid. I knew what the little sticks were going to tell me. If I had a list of telltale signs for pregnancy, I would have made a check mark in all the squares.

My phone rang. "What?"

Rosalie. Terrific. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

I reluctantly made plans to eat dinner with everyone tonight. At the last minute, I decided this was more important. Sitting on a bed and not finding out my fate were both way more important than anything at this point.

"Bella, are you okay?"

Was I okay? No. Not so much. And then it happened. The tears started to fall. A sob escaped my lips. I was giving up. "What do you want Rose?"

I knew she heard me crying. It would have been impossible to miss. "Where are you?"

Hell. I was in hell. It was the place they sent stupid girls who made bad choices and ruined the lives of their future children. "I'm at the house."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Okay?"

"Whatever. I don't care."

I concentrated on breathing. It was harder than it was supposed to be. Then again, everything was harder now. I had to peel myself out of bed in the morning. My body refused to get up willingly. Going to sleep should have been easy, but it wasn't.

It was the dreams. They were so vivid and awful. They also played on repeat. It was the same one every night. I was pushing my way through a crowd as I tried desperately to catch up to Jasper. He was always several feet ahead of me and couldn't hear me yelling his name. I never caught up to him, and he never stopped walking away. I think it was my brain's way of punishing me. I left him first, but he left me last. This was my fault. I did this. I hurt him.

Eating was a chore. I just wasn't hungry. Going to class was now an exercise in staying awake. I found it impossible to pay attention. My eyes would droop, or my mind would wander. Work became impossible, and I made arrangements to take a couple weeks off. Everything took twice as much effort as it did before. Without Jasper, I was only half here, and half here wasn't near good enough. Half here left me tired all the time.

I heard the front door. Had it been twenty minutes already? I looked up at the clock. No. It had actually been thirty minutes. Even time was failing me. I had no handle on it anymore. I just didn't care enough to pay attention. Hell, I didn't even care if Rosalie knew about my problem. At this point, the secret was weighing on me as much as Jasper's absence.

Rose charged into the room. "Are you okay? What happened? Did he finally call?"

She didn't finish her questions. Her mouth was hanging open in shock from the sight of the boxes sitting in front of me. "Oh my hell."

My brother walked in right behind her. Emmett was as shocked as she was. "Oh shit."

This was just fucking perfect. I wanted to crawl under the bed and die. Why, out of all the people in the world, did my brother have to see this? Had I killed in a nun in a previous life?

Emmett took charge. He called Edward and told him to have dinner without us. Then, he scooped me up and held me while I cried. That lasted about an hour. I had a lot of tears, and he had a lot of patience. Not once did he comment on any questionable decisions I might have made. He didn't say anything negative about Jasper. Emmett kept his mouth shut and his heart open. It was exactly what I needed.

Rosalie was the forgotten person in the room. She sat in a chair and messed with her phone. I knew she was trying to get a hold of Jasper, but she would fail. His phone was here, and any other numbers we had led to a dead-end.

When my crying fit ended, Rose walked forward and picked up one of the boxes. "When are you going to take them?"

Typical Rose. She got straight down to business. I doubted she would even leave until we had a result. Emmett was frowning at her, but I was fine with it. I needed her no nonsense approach.

I picked up a box. The instructions were simple and straight to the point. That was something at least.

Three minutes. I closed the door of the bathroom after taking the tests and was now sitting on the bed between my brother and his girlfriend. How could 180 seconds be the slowest seconds of my life? It wasn't three minutes. It was three years.

At sixty seconds, Rose spoke up. "The instructions say you can get results in as little as a minute. Do you want to check?"

I shook my head violently. "Nope."

One minute later. Emmett commented. "Do you want me to check?"

"It says three minutes. So, can you two shut up?" I slapped my hand over my mouth. "I'm so sorry. I'm just a little stressed."

They didn't seem to be bothered by my rudeness.

_One hundred and seventy-seven._

_One hundred and seventy-eight._

_One hundred and seventy-nine._

_One hundred and eighty._

_Fucking hell. _

My legs refused to unfold out from under me. They were on strike. Hell, my whole body was on strike. Every part had its own picket sign. A few had random jokes, but most said my ass wasn't moving. I liked those signs. They kept the truth at bay.

I could feel Emmett's eyes on me. "It's gonna be okay."

I shook my head. "No, it won't. He's never coming home, and I can't do this without him. I can't do anything without him."

"Baby girl, that's not true." He pulled me into a hug. "He'll be back. I don't even know why he left, but I know that once he gets things straight in his head again he will be here."

Confession time. I explained what happened. The mood swings. The conversation about his mother. My disappearing the next day. Jasper getting so angry. I only left out how bad things almost got. Emmett and everyone else thought my hands got messed up before Jasper left.

"Oh, Bella. This is not good. I don't even think you know how bad this is," Rose said.

_No. Emmett doesn't know how bad, and we need to keep it that way._

She continued her explanation. "Jasper's mom was having problems in the months before she left. She had always been a little unstable, but it was worse those last six months. She would be fine one minute and then just start yelling. She blamed him saying he was the reason she was stuck in the life she had. Then, she would yell that if he were a better son, she wouldn't be so unhappy. Everything was his fault."

Just wonderful. I had known there was more to the story. A person didn't just up and disappear. There had to be some kind of build up. With every sentence, my stomach clinched harder. The thought of his mother being so cruel to him just made me sick all over. How could she be so awful? How had I been so awful? I hadn't behaved much better. How many times did I pick an argument with him? How many times did I say cruel words that caused him pain? I knew his past, and I still lashed out at him.

"Right before she left, she started being so nice to him again. Whatever was bothering her was gone. Jasper thought that meant it was all okay again. The last time he saw her, she told him goodnight, and that she loved him. The next day, she was gone. It all came out of nowhere."

– "_People do that. They do it all the time. They leave, and you never know why."_

I had thought what Rose was telling me couldn't make me feel worse. What she said next made that thought die in my brain.

"After she left, he changed so fast. He hated the whole world. When his grandmother died, it only got worse. He didn't get better until he met you. And then you left him like you did. It was different in some ways. He was conflicted by it because he thought it was better for you to get out before he hurt you, but he was so lost. Jasper just gave up on everything."

Had I known his history, I would have done so many things differently. At the time, I thought I had all the answers, but how could I when I didn't even know half the story?

Emmett tried reassuring me. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I promise he'll be back. He just has to get over being so upset. And you are going to be fine no matter what those stupid tests say. You got Rose and me, and we will always be here for you."

I looked over at Rose assuming she would agree with what he said. I could tell that she wasn't nearly as confident as she had been. Emmett didn't know about that awful last morning. He didn't know that Jasper left because he almost hurt me. There was no way I would tell my brother about that.

I forced out a smile. "Thanks for showing up today."

"You're welcome. Now, let's go check these out. We'll do it together."

We walked into the bathroom and looked down at the little sticks. All three said the same thing. I was pregnant.

I couldn't say I was shocked. I knew the results before I walked in the bathroom. Hell, I knew the results before I bought the tests. So, there was no shock. There was no sudden surge of happiness or even sadness. There was nothing. I felt no different in that second than I did in the previous one. And how I felt was a secret I didn't even want to believe myself.

Rose, on the other hand, flipped out. She started crying and hugging me and telling me it was going to be fine. I could do this. She would help me.

I just nodded my head. When she finished her little moment, I grabbed up the sticks, retrieved the boxes, and left for the kitchen. I threw everything away and bundled up the trash.

Ridding the house of the evidence became priority one in my mind. If Jasper came home, he would find them. I couldn't have that. What if he left again? What if he got angry?

Rose followed behind me asking me questions. I didn't hear them. I glided outside and stuck the trash in the back of Emmett's truck. I had to get rid of it.

I turned back to them. "We have to get rid of the trash."

"Don't you have people pick up your trash?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, yeah. They should be here tomorrow."

"So, what are we doing?"

Was he dumb? "I can't have this in the house. What if Jasper comes home today?"

Rosalie tried to defend a reaction that hadn't even happened. "He's not going to be mad. You have to know that."

"Sure. He's going to be just ecstatic. I bet he even cries."

My brother spoke up. "Bella, calm down."

How could I? "What will this do to him? A baby. This is just one big mistake that I need to fix."

There I said it, the horrible truth that had been rattling around in the back of my head for the last week. It was why I hadn't told anyone. It was what kept me from taking the tests earlier. It was what kept me from wanting to look at the results. It was what was making me hate myself even more.

Selfish. I was selfish and rotten. My first and most favorite plan was to get rid of it. What was a kid? Nothing. A simple procedure was all it took. It was nothing.

Nothing. Nothing but everything he was. It was Jasper and me. It was us.

Guilt and self-hate flooded through me. I could no more kill something of ours than I could kill him. Impossible. Itdeserved better.

_It._ What a crappy word. I needed a better one. I needed some term I could grasp a hold of. It would remind me this was real. Having a name would make my thoughts stop. If they didn't, I would start to believe them and make a decision I would regret forever.

I knew I wasn't thinking like myself. Under normal circumstances, I would have been scared but excited. I wouldn't have even considered any options other than showering the baby with love. But these weren't normal days. I was stressed, emotional, and edging closer to a cliff. I could feel the wind whipping around me and luring me to a terrible end.

_No. Stop thinking like that. Get your head on right._

_A word. A name. Something. _I had to have it right then. This was important. I couldn't go anywhere until I had an answer to my problem. "I need a name or a word."

"Ah … well … uhm. It's a little early," Emmett hedged.

"No. I just don't want to call it _baby_ or _it_. I want a name or a word. Does that make sense?"

I think he only agreed to get me to back off the crazy for a minute. "Sure."

_- "__I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.__"_

"George. I like George."

Rosalie shook her head. "No. No. No. You can't call it George. That's Jasper's dad's name."

How did I not know this? It was important information. Well, shit. George was out. I only liked it because of Daffy Duck anyway. An answer came to me.

Jasper's middle name. "Hale. I'll call it Hale."

Emmett did an odd sort of choked laugh. "Yeah, that's sounds about right."

I smiled over at him. "It does, doesn't it?"

Rose was looking at me like I was a space cadet.

_Like I could ever be astronaut material. _I giggled. The joke was lame, but I needed to laugh. I needed a lot of things.

I probably _needed_ to be in an institution. I didn't even know who I was anymore. Who was this girl who behaved so recklessly that she ended up in this situation? I wasn't this girl. What happened? Crazy had to be the answer because I was smarter than this.

* * * * * *

Luck was not with me. My doctor did not practice obstetrics. I had to find a different one. The office made a few suggestions on some I could go with, but I wasn't comfortable picking someone with so little information.

A solution came to me, but it made me slightly uncomfortable. Carlisle. He wouldn't say anything to anyone, but talking to him would be awkward. It wasn't even the sex thing. It was the Jasper thing.

If he weren't the best person to ask, I would never have even considered going to him, but I knew he cared a great deal for me and would only suggest someone he trusted completely. It was a lot better than going into this blindly. And really, how long could I keep this from him and everyone else?

I called him up and asked him to meet me for lunch on Tuesday. It was rare thing for us. I hadn't spent much time with him or Esme since moving down here. They were busy, especially him, and I just always kept my distance. The family thing was hard for me to wrap my head around. I knew they loved me like a daughter, but it wasn't easy to accept that.

Lunch the next day was a quiet affair. I was nervous, and Carlisle could tell. We met at a restaurant right across the street from the hospital. I spent most of my time picking at my food while he watched with growing concern.

He placed a hand over one of mine. "Have I ever told you Esme always wanted a daughter? We tried for years and were never blessed with another child. Then you came along, and Esme had her daughter just like Emmett became another son for us. You're so much like her it's a wonder you aren't really hers, and your brother is so much like my father he should just change his last name to Cullen."

I knew he was telling me I was part of his family. In many ways, I wanted to be. I wanted to finally feel like I belonged. My mother was never the type of woman to really look out for me. I raised myself more than anything. Charlie wasn't even a subject I wanted to think about. I never really had anyone to guide me or help me along the way. Carlisle and Esme wanted to do it, but it was too late. All I could do was try to be the best I could be and make them proud of that person. I was failing miserably at that.

"Bella, anything you say to me will stay between us. You know that, right? You can ask me or tell me anything."

I dropped my fork, and it clanged loudly against the plate. His voice told me that he figured out why I was here.

"Are you disappointed in me?" I asked.

"I'm not disappointed. I'm concerned."

I tried to put some distance up. It was a defense mechanism I used against him and Esme any time they became parental. "I found out yesterday for sure. I just need you to tell me a good doctor. That's all I need."

"I have a few I would recommend. I'll write the names down for you."

"Thank you."

When it came time to leave, Carlisle hugged me and took the opportunity to offer up an opinion I did not want to hear. "You need to think long and hard about what is best for not just you but the baby. Is Jasper the best option for you?"

The question stung. I knew Jasper wasn't anywhere close to the best option.

Carlisle wasn't through. "I want you to remember Edward's story. That boy is my son, even if he didn't start out that way."

I was stunned by what he was suggesting. "I can't cut Jasper out of our child's life or have another man raise him."

"Good parents make the best decisions they can for their children. We don't have the luxury of doing what we want. We do what we must. Be a good parent, Bella. Protect your child."

I get it. I had to make good choices, but Carlisle was forgetting one thing. What would Jasper's reaction to all this be when he got back? I wasn't sure, but life would get even more complicated than it already was. That was a guarantee.

* * * * * *

Later that day, Edward called. He wanted to know why I was avoiding him. Explaining that I was getting sick with little to no warning wasn't something I wanted to admit.

"I'm not avoiding you. I'm just taking a little time for myself."

He wasn't buying it. "I'm not stupid. You're waiting for him, and it's a waste of time. You have to live your life."

"No. It's not that. I'm just busy."

"Not too busy to see my dad at lunch. Mom wanted to know why I didn't go with you. And why did you even meet him? You never do that."

How was I supposed to answer that? Easy. I was going to lie. "I was doing research for a project, and he agreed to let me interview him."

"Oh," he answered. "Good. I had all these wild thoughts going on in my head. Stupid shit that scared the hell out of me."

Dummy me had to ask. "Like what?"

"Brain tumor. Cancer. Pregnant. Typical end of the world crap."

Nice. Baby Hale was end of the world crap. That was all I needed to hear. There was nothing good I could say about that.

"Are you there?" he asked.

"I'm here." _I wish I wasn't but whatever._

I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "So, you want to meet up tomorrow? We could go to lunch or do whatever you want."

Telling him no would have hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to say yes. "I can't tomorrow."

Edward groaned. "The earliest I can get away is Sunday."

It wasn't like I could avoid him forever. "I'll call you Saturday night, and we can make some plans."

After saying a quick goodbye, I hung up the phone. I knew I was slowly pulling away from everyone. I couldn't let that happen. The thought of doing so was just too depressing. I also knew it was really about me avoiding the words that I didn't want to hear.

_He isn't coming home. You shouldn't be waiting for him. You're wasting your time. _

* * * * * *

Two days later, Rosalie accompanied me to the doctor. How she was the same person who so casually disregarded my safety was beyond me. After seeing the results on those little sticks, I shot straight to the top of her priority list. I knew it was more about this being Jasper's kid than it was about me. She was protecting a piece of him, and I honestly didn't mind. She was the only person not talking shit about Jasper. Her silence was worth its weight in gold.

With her by my side, I was declared pregnant and healthy. This wasn't a surprise. Three tests already told me I was. What they didn't say was that I was almost nine weeks along.

I would be the first person to admit I wasn't a doctor, but I wasn't an idiot either. A woman couldn't get her period when she was pregnant, and I had one last month. This brought on a rather detailed discussion on different things that could happen to make me think that. It all fell under the category of way too much information and made me realize that being female sucked.

Also strange were my detached feelings when I watched the ultrasound. None of this felt real. I saw this little thing that I was told was a person. I heard a heartbeat. I listened to Rose's questions and the answers that followed. Nothing made me feel like this was happening to me.

The next day, I went to visit with my other doctor. I let all my ambivalent feelings out and tried to rationalize them. Theory one was that I wasn't emotionally connected to Hale because Jasper wasn't. If he was here, I would feel differently. Theory two said I just needed more time to feel the connection I was supposed to have. My next theory was that I was just a coldhearted person who couldn't love.

My therapist told me there was no right or wrong way to feel. He was about as helpful as talking to myself, which wasn't helpful at all. These appointments were a big waste of time and money.

And I needed more money. I needed to go back to work. Medical bills. Baby supplies. Diapers. Clothing. Tuition. Food. Child care. I couldn't afford all that. What was I going to do?

I had no answers. I would just have to do the best I could. And part of that was taking better care of myself. I started taking prenatal vitamins and folic acid supplements. Milk and cranberry juice became my new drinks of choice. I was trying to do everything I could think of to be healthy, but none of it changed the fact that I was having a hard time getting excited about this.

There were just too many things that were not right. No Jasper. I wasn't married. I was still in school. Nothing was what I expected it to be when this happened in my life. I made bad choices, and they led me to this. I always thought I was too smart too let something like this happen. Apparently, I was wrong. I was that girl, the one who got caught up in the moment and didn't think. I gambled and lost, just like so many others.

It wasn't that I didn't want kids. I did. I just didn't want them right now. I was only just starting to live my life and figure out who I was. Now my whole life would be about this new person. They would be the priority. Whatever I wanted would be pushed to the side as I took on a new responsibility I was unprepared for. I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I did this. Sure, I had a little help, but ultimately, I was responsible for myself.

I started thinking about all the things I hadn't done but wanted to do, and it all seemed so far out of reach at this point. I also knew that had Jasper been here I would still feel a little conflicted. I wanted us to have time together to just enjoy each other. With him gone, I wasn't even getting that, and I was in no way guaranteed any of that time in the future. All I had to go by was my faith in him to come home, and with each day, I could feel my resolve slipping away.

And if he did come home, what would it mean? After what happened that morning, it was clear that we couldn't go back to the way things were. I had so many decisions I needed to make, and the reality of my situation was becoming clearer with each day.

– "_Good parents make the best decisions they can for their children. We don't have the luxury of doing what we want. We do what we must. Be a good parent, Bella. Protect your child."_

I had only thought of Jasper coming home and of us working through our problems. I didn't think about his role as a father. I didn't think about the danger he presented. I planned on staying by his side and helping him through his issues. It was a decision that was supposed to affect me and me alone, but I wasn't alone anymore. I had this new person to consider.

Jasper, however, was alone. Every time in the past when he hit a low point, there was someone with him to minimize the damage. Rosalie wasn't with him, and though she wasn't saying it, I knew she was scared for him. We all were. His head wasn't in a good place, and with him, that usually led to self-destructive behavior. Was he safe? What was he doing? Where was he?

I had no answers to any of those questions. I just prayed he was safe.

* * *

**Author's Note: Wow. I was really overwhelmed by all the reviews for the last chapter. Thank you all so much for leaving your thoughts. I can't tell you enough how encouraging it is to get such a great response. I hope you all received your review replies and thank you for not just reading but reviewing as well. It's amazing how just a few words can get me so much more excited about the story simply because other people are.  
**

**Now on to the business of this chapter. How do you feel about what Carlisle said to Bella? How long do you think it will take for Jasper to come home? ****I would really love to know what ya'll think about what has happened. **

**Thanks again, and the next chapter should update on Wednesday.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Last Love Found  
**Ch 27 - Too Much

On Sunday, I met Edward at the State Park. It was the same place Jasper had taken me that night in early September. I was hoping that coming here would help me get back some of the good feelings from that time.

Edward was leaning against his car, and my favorite crooked grin decorated his face. I couldn't help but smile back when I saw him.

He opened my car door for me and gave me a huge hug when I stepped out. "I've missed you so bad."

Nice, strong male arms. Damn, they felt good. "I missed you, too."

We walked down to the water and sat down.

"Tell me what's up. I haven't seen you in weeks," he said.

I wasn't going to go with the truth. Not today. "I've just been sitting back and doing a whole bunch of studying. What about you?"

"I've been wondering why you'll see Emmett and Rose, but you won't see me."

"It's not like that. I'm just busy."

Edward didn't buy it for a second. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I've got to say it. It's not good for you to be in that house all by yourself. Come back home."

It was what I had been thinking about for the last couple of days. I knew I needed to go home. I needed to finally take that step that would put some distance between me and the past I didn't think I could have anymore.

"Bella, I know how you feel about him, but it isn't good. Where is he now? It is not okay for him to treat you like this."

"It's not that easy. You don't even know how messed up everything is."

"Oh, I have a good idea. You may think everyone is buying this bullshit story about you getting hurt before he left, but I don't. Whatever really happened that morning went beyond a simple argument. If it didn't, Jasper wouldn't have been gone this long, and you wouldn't be so devastated."

I wasn't going to stay around and listen to him. I already had enough negative thoughts going through my head without Edward adding to them. I pulled my hands away from his and stood up. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

It was difficult to force myself to walk slowly. I wanted to run as fast as I could away from this but knew that it would leave me too open to a fall. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care, but I was trying to be extra careful these days.

Besides, running wouldn't have done me any good. My friend was much faster. He caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Let me go, Edward."

A queasy feeling went through me. Not good. Deep breaths weren't helping. Shit. I was going to get sick.

Edward leaned his head down close to mine. "Just listen for a second. You were so happy before he came to town. You can get that back. You don't need him. Think about it, Bella. You know it's true."

Dizziness took over, and a tingly feeling went through my limbs. It all got worse quickly.

I grasped onto his hands. "Edward. I'm gonna be sick." The words came out slurred.

He helped me kneel down and held my hair back while I vomited. There wasn't much to throw up, but I sure gave it my all. Dry heaving followed. When I finally stopped, I leaned back against him.

"What have you eaten today?" he asked.

I just shook my head.

"We need to get you something to eat or drink. I'm gonna carry you to the car. Okay."

I nodded. My brain was still operating on slow speed. It wasn't like I could take care of myself. I felt him lift me up and carry me over to his car. He kept a tight hold on me even after he set me down on my feet and opened the door.

We arrived at a small convenience store a few minutes later. He ran inside and bought me some orange juice. Terrific. Didn't I promise never to drink that crap again?

_You need the sugar. Just drink it._

With shaky hands, I brought it up to my lips. The smell made me cringe, but I drank it all the same. The whole time I kept praying I wouldn't throw up again.

I started feeling better in bits and pieces. With my improved physical state came embarrassment. Edward just smiled at me. "Are you okay now?"

"I think I'm fine. I just didn't eat much today."

"You haven't been getting sick a lot, have you?"

I could hear the wheels turning in his head. Two and two were about to add up to four. "No. Today was the first time. Like I said, I haven't eaten much."

He wasn't buying it. "You are such a bad liar. It's your eyes. I can always tell."

Great. Edward had always been intuitive. It made it almost impossible to hide anything from him. My meeting with Carlisle last week already raised his suspicions. This only added to it. My silence was the icing on the cake.

I rarely ever saw him angry, and he was fuming right now. "I'm gonna kill him. That fucking bastard."

"It's not what you think," I insisted.

Furious eyes stared into mine. "What I think is that piece of shit got you pregnant and then left you."

"No. It's not like that. He doesn't know."

He clinched his eyes closed and rubbed his temples with his fists. "I was hoping you would say you weren't. Fuck."

"Thank you so much. I already feel bad enough."

He pushed my hair back behind my ears and dried my tears. "I'm sorry. You just shocked the hell out of me."

I sniffled. "Okay."

Several deep calming breaths settled him down, and he focused on me again. "The world's not over because he's gone and you're pregnant. Things could always be worse."

"How?"

Edward gave me a silly grin and contorted his face up into an odd pig-like expression. "You could look like me?"

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Stop that."

"You stop crying, and I'll stop making faces at you."

For a second there, we were back where we used to be before he kissed me, but those days were long gone. It was a real shame.

He didn't feel the same. "It's nice not having to look over my shoulder for him or have to hide my feelings. That's never happened before today."

Why couldn't it have been Edward instead of Jasper? Loving him would be like slipping my feet into warm water. Comforting. Soothing. I had walked miles through the slush that was Jasper and me. I was cold, tired, and in need of a break, but my feelings didn't take breaks.

I avoided looking at him. "I don't want to talk about this."

"It's not what you think. I know you don't feel the same way. I wish you did, but you don't."

"Then, what is this?"

"I would rather have my friend back than no part of you at all. If that means my feelings need to go on the back burner, I'll do it. You need someone, and I want to be there for you without you worrying that I'm going to try to force something on you that you don't want. We are friends, and that is enough for me."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Look, I hate that I've become this person you think you can't trust, but you need to know that all I care about is what makes you happy. And I know you don't need someone trying to move in and take Jasper's spot. I won't try to do that. I just want to be your friend again. I promise I'll keep things straight if you just give me a chance."

I wanted everything he offered. I needed someone other than Emmett I could count on. Edward had been that person before, and it would be so easy to let it happen again.

I ended up grabbing on to what he offered like it was a lifeline. If I could have my friend back, it would be one less person missing in my life. Jasper's absence was already a void that was eating away at any brightness I had in me. Edward was no replacement and never would be, but having him back could only be a good thing.

"Promise not to lie or keep things from me. I don't want any games from you, Edward."

"No games. No lies. Just us the way we used to be," he promised.

Putting my trust in him was as easy as trusting Emmett. I stuck my right hand out. "Friends," I offered.

"Always," he accepted as he took my hand in his own.

Our renewed friendship started with a picnic lunch. We left the store and grabbed some food before driving back to the lake. Once there, we sat down on a blanket he had in his trunk. Our day was fun and lighthearted. It was the first time in weeks I relaxed and just enjoyed the world around me. It was a quiet afternoon and brought some peace back to my life. We talked about school and life and music.

For those few hours, I allowed myself to forget all the bad, and I focused on what was good. I was healthy. I had good friends and a caring family.

_Family._

"Hey, Edward. Do you want to hear something funny?"

We were lying down on the blanket taking in the fresh air. It was hours after our lunch, and both of us were still enjoying a free day where we didn't have to be anywhere or do anything.

He yawned. "Sure."

"My baby is due on your birthday."

He rolled onto his side and looked at me. His smile told me just how delighted he was by the news. "Really?"

"Yeah, it was kind of funny how pissed Rose got when she found out."

It was the only time during the whole appointment she dropped her positive attitude. The look on her face turned fierce with something I hadn't seen since our time in Forks.

Edward's eyes danced with amusement. "She'll get over it. Besides, sometimes history repeating itself can be a good thing."

* * * * * *

Fourteen days had passed with no calls or communication from Jasper. And then it happened, a call at midnight. I had gone to bed early and was jarred out of a dead sleep by the phone.

"Jasper."

He hung up the second I said his name. I was certain it was him and stayed up most of the rest of the night waiting for another call. It never came.

Two days later, I got a visit from Mr. Comb Over, the lawyer from a month ago. He informed me that I was to leave the house Jasper said was ours and go elsewhere. He was kind with his words and even helped load my things into my car. I faked niceness when what I really wanted to do was scream and kick at him.

While I gathered my things, we talked. His real name was Ted, and his family had worked for the Hales for years. This was one of many times when his job went beyond the call of duty.

I got the impression he was not too pleased with the current head of the family. Jasper was too erratic for someone who had previously worked with the grandfather. The description Ted gave me was of this great titan of a man who held himself and his employees to very high standards. He was demanding and obsessed with achieving his goals. Jasper wasn't.

Before we went our separate ways, Ted handed me a thick envelope. The blush on his face and the sour expression both showed disapproval over whatever this was.

He cleared his throat. "This is to cover your moving expenses."

Money. Jasper was making this kind man pay me off. I pulled out a stack of bills and thumbed through them. It was _a lot_ of money, something I _really_ needed.

"Tell me, Ted. Do you think this is a fair price for one's dignity? This is sort of a two for one deal. Mine and yours. Yours for having to offer it to me, and mine if I take it."

There went Self-righteous. She sat in the same row as Judgmental. Behind them, Hypocritical was lounging in a lawn chair while she bobbed her head to imaginary music. She was oblivious as always. What I needed was to get back my friend, Chastity. That bitch ran off when I needed her most. If I had listened to her, I wouldn't be pregnant.

I handed the envelope back. "I don't want his money, but if you could tell me how to get a hold of him, that would be great."

"Sorry, but he's only called me once. Do you have a message to pass on if he does call again?"

_I miss him. I need him. I love him. I'm pregnant. _"No. No message."

I left the house, and Ted waved at me as I drove away.

So, this was me, Bella Swan. I was starting from scratch after again being left devastated over the loss of Jasper Whitlock. I had a bun in the oven and a chip on my shoulder. They were two things more than I had last time this happened.

Leaving wasn't as big a deal as some people might think. I had planned on doing it in the next few days anyway. I was moving into the basement apartment at Emmett's. Laurent had moved out and was sharing an apartment with Alice now. Those two were only together for two months, but Whitlock men didn't move at a snail's pace. They took over everything and to hell with anyone that dared to object. Boy did I know that from experience.

* * * * * *

"We should really help her with her hair," Alice said.

We were in break room at the bookstore, and Victoria had just walked through on her way to the front of the store. Our interactions with her were limited to the few words we shared that were work related. It wasn't an unfriendly situation. We would smile or nod to acknowledge each other, but there was no friendship.

"You don't even like her," I reminded Alice.

"I used to hate you, too, but look at us now. We're like two peas in pod. Your end is getting bigger, but I'll look over that."

My end was not that big. Sure, I wasn't a size zero like she was, but I wasn't a whale. I just liked food.

_Uhm. Cheese. Chocolate. Cupcakes. _The three C's were some of my best friends. If you broke them down and rearranged them, you could get chocolate cheesecake. Was there anything better than that? I could only come up with sex, Jasper, and root beer floats, but not much else.

Getting back on point. "My end is not that big."

"Relax. I'm talking about the baby."

I had a sudden urge to back away slowly and look for something with which to defend myself. Alice was three parts crazy, and one part mythical creature. All four parts were in love with Jasper, and none of them particularly cared for me. She probably knew of ways to kill me that would be completely untraceable.

"Are you going to kill me with a blowgun and some frog venom?"

Alice did that thing where she turned her head to the side like a confused puppy. It usually made me want to scratch her behind the ears and buy her a jeweled collar.

"It wasn't my first plan. I wanted to go with a meat cleaver and a bucket," she answered.

"What's with the bucket?"

"To stand on. My height puts me at a slight disadvantage when I want to split some skulls. I could wait until a person is sitting, but where's the fun in that?"

She was smiling at me, and I think I even heard a giggle. Why was she so happy? "I thought you would be mad about this."

"I'm over Jasper. Sure, I'll still play with his lightsaber if he wants me to, but I know it won't go anywhere. So, I have to look out for myself, which is why I'm with Laurent."

She actually seemed to be genuinely okay with all this. I opted to play along. "And I'm sure Laurent would just love it if you went all Jedi on Jasper."

"Laurent knows the game. We all get a freebie. Jasper is mine. Laurent gets Marisa Miller. Rosalie likes Jon Hamm, and Emmett would drop his pants for his engineering professor."

"And what about Edward. Who does he like?"

Alice laughed the question off. "He's single. Why would he need one?"

True. I couldn't argue against that point.

"So, who's yours?" she asked.

It was an unexpected kick to my gut. Was I single? Was I with Jasper? What was I? My brain and my heart duked it out. My brain won. "I'm single, too. I don't need a freebie."

I was caught off guard again when she asked, "Is this because of the Carlisle thing?"

Where the hell did she get her information? This was scarier than her having a meat cleaver. "How do you know about all this?"

"Carlisle tells Esme everything, and when I lived with them, I eavesdropped. You would be surprised by how much I learned."

That she would listen in didn't surprise me. What did was how Esme hadn't said a word about what was going on with me. We had talked on the phone just yesterday, and the main topic was the secret to her fried chicken. It wasn't like we didn't have time to discuss other topics. Of course, it wasn't as if I was saying anything either.

Alice continued. "Don't be an Edward. He's spent most of his life trying to wiggle out from under Carlisle's thumb. Sure, he's getting better, but he still lets other people dictate what he does and how he feels, which is just stupid. You have to decide what is best. Don't let other people do it for you."

How screwed up was it that the best advice I received was from the person I thought was the most messed up? Regardless, she was right. I had to make up my own mind about Jasper. The other people in my life had their own biases and agendas, and I needed to figure out where I stood.

I tapped the table and pointed at the clock on the wall. "We need to get back to work."

She clapped with excitement. Working was enjoyable for her. It was remarkable how much she had changed. It all happened while I was living in Jasperland. Emmett credited her new attitude to Laurent, but I think it was a combination of factors.

Her world opened up when she moved away from the object of her obsession. Working, living with the Cullen family, and now Laurent had all shown her that there was more to the world than this person who didn't return her feelings. Alice was growing up like the rest of us. I actually felt like I had fallen behind her on the long road home, which was all sorts of wrong. If Alice could keep her stuff straight, then surely I could, too.

* * * * * *

Rosalie wouldn't stop watching me. It was like living with Jasper again. I couldn't leave the house without her. When I was at work, she checked on me constantly. It was like she thought I was going to sneak off and disappear. I didn't know where she thought I would go.

Every day was the same. She asked how I was feeling a million times. She ate breakfast with Edward and me. She offered to take me to school. If I tried doing housework, she would take over. It was seriously starting to piss me off.

Today, I would get a break. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and she was leaving for Washington to check out some places Jasper might be. His father said he had looked, but no one was going to rely on his honesty.

Before she left, Rosalie had to check on me again. I was in the living room studying with Edward when she came up behind us.

"Make sure you take your vitamins, eat several small meals throughout the day, and get plenty of rest. And please, call me if you need me," she said for the hundredth time.

Edward looked up at her. "Don't forget to tell her to take small bites and chew her food thoroughly."

Rose ignored him. "I'll be back on Wednesday. If I find anything, I'll call."

She left, and we went back to studying, which would probably surprise her. She treated us like we were having a secret rendezvous every time she found us alone in the same room. We weren't. Edward wasn't spouting love songs and writing me poetry. More often than not, he was kicking my ass at chess and telling me to stop being a cry baby. It was hardly romantic, but it was working.

A large hand waved in front of my face. "You in there?"

I looked up and found Emmett standing in front of me. "Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to go take a walk. Rose said to make sure you get some exercise."

It figured. I almost said no just to spite her, but fresh air did sound nice. "Sure."

The three of us took a stroll around the block. It was a nice afternoon and a return to when we spent most of our free time together. Kids were passing us on bicycles and playing in their front yards. A few parents could be seen watching over the neighborhood. We lived in a very family friendly area. Though we were close to the college, this street wasn't covered in students. It was mostly young families.

One little girl was being taught how to ride a bicycle by her dad. He was encouraging her and telling her to be brave. It was the sweetest moment I had seen in years, and it broke my heart. I never got to be that little girl. Emmett and I had to learn on our own. We fell and scraped our hands and knees a dozen times, but we didn't give up. He, of course, figured it out first.

My life hadn't changed much since that time. My brother was riding around comfortable in his existence after having worked hard to get to where he was. I was still that bloody mess of a girl who took off the training wheels and hoped for the best. In the last week, I changed strategies. I was now getting to a place where things were starting to make sense.

After putting more thought into finding a workable solution to my problems, I came up with a compromise I hoped would work. It was dependent on Jasper actually coming home, but I was pretty sure that would happen eventually. The key point was that I wanted him to have a chance to be a dad. It wasn't something I could deny him, but it would require him to get help. Supervised visitation would be in place, and we could go from there as progress was made.

The plan gave me hope that either it or something similar could work. I couldn't say for sure if we would ever be together again, but I wasn't going to cut him out of my life.

"Hey, Edward. Who taught you to ride a bicycle?" I asked.

"My dad did. Why?"

As optimistic as I was trying to be, I wasn't convinced life would work itself out. If Jasper didn't come back, I would have to do all the teaching. I would have to dry all the tears and bandage all the skinned knees. It would be up to me to take care of everything. It wasn't the work that bothered me. That wasn't even work. It was life. What if I couldn't do it? What if I just wasn't good enough?

Emmett squeezed my hand. "Why are you crying?"

I sniffled and wiped at my tears. "I'm going to have to teach my kid to ride a bike. Who would want that? I'll probably let them fall. This should be Jasper's job."

"And who says it can't be?" Edward asked.

Woah. This was something I hadn't expected from him. He continued to surprise me. "It's inevitable he'll come back. When he does, he's going to expect to have a place in his child's life, as well he should. I'm not saying he's the ideal candidate to be a full-time father, but anyone suggesting you cut him out completely is wrong."

I agreed, but Jasper wasn't a person who accepted compromise. It was one of the biggest flaws in my plan. "You know how he is. It's all or nothing."

My brother spoke up with his thoughts. "Then, he'll just have to grow up and realize life doesn't work that way. He's smart enough to know his limitations, and if he accepts the truth, he'll know that he needs to get some help before he can be trusted to help raise a child."

"You both surprise me. I thought you would say to run as far as I could and never let him find me."

Emmett commented first. "Do you want my neutral, supportive side or how I really feel?"

"How you really feel."

"Okay. I think you could do ten times better than Jasper, but you've left yourself with few options. Once he finds out about the kid, he won't accept you with anyone else, and you can't run far enough away where he won't find you. Since killing him would piss you off, I'm left with trying to find a compromise."

Edward was tagged in to handle the finish. "When Jasper comes back, he'll be willing to do anything to get back in your good graces. Use your influence and encourage him to get some help. It's the only workable solution. As for you two getting back together, you already know where we stand on that."

Their advice matched my own thoughts, but it wasn't lost on me that if they knew the true circumstances behind Jasper's disappearance that they would have something entirely different to offer up. Our whole group seemed to hide behind lies. No one ever really had the full story. It made me wonder what secrets were still left to be revealed.

* * * * * *

Rosalie returned with no more information than when she left. She went over what she found in Washington, which was a big pile of nothing. No one had seen Jasper in months. The cabin was empty, and the other places he might be turned up nothing. He had essentially walked out of our house and disappeared off the planet.

It was now the twenty-seventh of November, Thanksgiving. For the past few weeks, I had drifted on a wild course that was slowing becoming more unpredictable by the day. Drifting sounded lazy and smooth. For the most part, it was. It was only when I arrived at my unplanned destination that things went awry.

I would be fine. Perfectly, wonderfully fine. Not bad. Not good. Simply average. Okay. Fine. Really, I was fine.

It would change in a heartbeat. The floor would drop out from under me, and I would tumble to the bottom of whatever chasm I happened to step into that day. A different feeling or personality would always break my fall and become the center of my universe.

I had my good days, but my bad days were becoming the norm. When I realized that, I tried to combat it by talking to my friends more. My half-hearted attempts at reentering the real world were met with subtle encouragement from everyone around me. They all acted like I was a wild animal who would attack or run if startled. Maybe, I was. I didn't know for sure. I just knew that the girl I was today was different than the girl from four months ago. I didn't even know who I was. It worried me.

Some of my identity trouble was brought on by sheer exhaustion. I was so very tired all the time. No set schedule helped keep me straight. I was awake for class and work, but other than that, I woke up when I wanted to and slept when I felt like it. It wasn't good sleep. I woke up just as tired as I did when my eyes closed.

All of these days passed on slow speed. I hated waking up and knowing Jasper wouldn't be there. It was slowly driving me crazy. When I was with my friends, I could feel the old me come back. I needed her to help me get through this depression. With that in mind, I decided to actually participate today.

Rose and Alice were in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Their meals were always met with a little suspicion and a tinge of fear by those of us forced to endure it, but they did try. I was sitting at the bar next to Emmett who was talking to Edward and Laurent about the upcoming game. Laughter was coming from the two girls in the kitchen.

I heard Alice say something that caught my ear. "This isn't working."

"What are you trying to do?" I asked.

All sound stopped as every eye in the room fell on me. I ignored the surprised looks.

"Uhm … I'm trying to peel these eggs," she stuttered out.

Hard boiled eggs. "Are they cool?"

"No."

"Put them in ice water and let them sit for a few minutes. When they're cool, crack them and rub them between your palms. It should make it easier."

She smiled at me like I just gave her keys to a new car. "Thanks."

I looked around at all the faces of the people around me. I didn't want to make a big deal out of the fact that I finally said something. So, I said something else. "What are you making with them?"

Rose answered. "Deviled eggs."

"Do you need any help?"

How five people could all smile in perfect sync with each other was a mystery, but they did. "If you would like," she answered.

I helped. They started talking to me, and I responded naturally. At least, I hoped it was natural. It was what I was going for.

Dinner was good. The guys cleaned up the kitchen, and us girls moved into the living room. They chatted. I sat there hoping I wouldn't throw up. Morning sickness was still hitting me hard and heavy. I was fortunate to usually have enough notice beforehand so I could disappear. Right now was one of those times.

I excused myself and went down to my room. I could feel everyone watching me. It was a constant thing.

When I didn't return for an hour, Emmett came to check on me. I was lying on my bed trying to stop crying. It was something I did every time I got sick. I just got so frustrated and felt so alone. It was wearing me thin. I wasn't getting enough to eat, which was making me feel even worse. Nothing I did was right.

Emmett sat down on the side of my bed brushed a few of my tears away. "You gotta stop this. You're losing weight. Crying all the time just gives you a headache. You have to take better care of yourself."

"It's not like I want to be sick. I can't help it," I pointed out.

"I'm not talking about that. You don't eat. All you do is hide in the basement. You sleep all the time and are only half-conscious when you drive to school and work. You can't keep doing this shit."

My blubbering started all over again. "I just miss him so much. Why can't he just come home?"

Emmett tried a different tactic. "What would Jasper say if he saw you like this? If he comes home, is this really what you want him to find?"

If Jasper was here, he would kick me in the ass and tell me to stop being such a baby. He was always pushing me to be stronger. And no, this was not what I wanted him to find. I was a damn mess. I sick, pitiful mess, and I was about to get worse.

"Bella, there's something we haven't told you, but I think you need to hear it."

"What?"

"Jasper is selling the house down the street. Rose and Alice got a call yesterday asking them to make sure they had all their stuff out. It goes on the market next month."

He was selling the house. I didn't know what to say or think. My feelings weren't quite so lost. I was crushed. I was now convinced he was never going to come back. Ever. No one even knew where he was.

Things got worse after I found out about the house. I went from depressed to seriously pissed off at the world. Every word out of my mouth was punctuated with the bloody edge of a knife. I hated all of them. Not a single person was immune to my harsh words or the quiet rage that simmered in my eyes when talking was too much work.

Too much. Those two words rang in my head on repeat. Too much effort. Too much to say. Too much to feel. Too much gone. I was giving up. I had never given up, but it seemed like the only thing left to do.

We went out again as a big group. Another bar. Another bad night.

I was pissy because I couldn't drink, which was good considering my mood. The bad got worse when I recognized one of the girls Jasper had dragged in front of me before we got together.

She didn't even know anyone was around. Oblivious. Flirting with some guy who looked too much like someone I hadn't seen in weeks. I didn't mean to spill my drink on her. It just _accidentally_ happened when I turned my glass on its side as I held it over her head.

"They don't sell shoes here either," I said as the cool liquid poured out of a glass I snatched from Laurent.

I was pulled back immediately by Edward who stepped between us.

_Ahh. My protector._

"You stupid bitch," she screamed.

I laughed at her. "Don't be mad. You look good in whiskey. It brings out your eyes."

She tried to get to me. It was a bizarre dance. My friends surrounded me and made apologies to the whore while she circled around looking for a way in. I just laughed like a mad woman.

We got kicked out of the bar. That was funnier.

No one dared say anything to me. Weak. All of them. I could do anything, and none of them would say shit. The knowledge pissed me off even more. Did they not care enough to stop me or scold me? Was I not important? Could they not see I needed help? Did they not know I was too proud to ask for it?

I was slipping more and more everyday, and my friends weren't even noticing. They didn't see me. I was just that lump in the corner.

Oh, they cared all right, and this lump in the corner found out about it when she got home. Emmett led me to a chair and everyone surrounded me like this was some kind of intervention.

I stared up at the big guy defiantly. "Got something to say, Big Brother?"

He tapped the ends of his fingers together and allowed himself a second to cool down. "Tonight was the last dance at your pity party. You're pissed off and hating the world. I get it. We all get it. But you need to stop thinking about what you lost and see what all you have."

I moved to stand up, but he put his hands on my shoulders preventing me from moving. "We aren't done here."

In a nice, happy world, they would all take turns talking to me, and I would learn from my mistakes and come away with a more positive attitude. This wasn't a nice place, and I wasn't listening to anything they said.

Pointless talk and encouraging words. Nothing stood out that really caught my attention. At least, it didn't until Rosalie took a turn.

"You just have to be patient. Jasper will come home. I even left notes at the houses in Washington to let him know you're pregnant. When he sees those, he'll come back."

She didn't. She wouldn't. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"Yes, I did. Why wouldn't I?"

Because it wasn't her place. Because it was the dumbest plan in the world. "That was stupidest thing you could have done."

Emmett spoke first. "It's just a note."

I stood up. "It's not just a note. What will he do when he reads it? We don't how he's feeling or what he's been doing? It might make him come back or make him run farther away. We don't know."

"You just don't want Jasper to know about the baby," Rosalie accused. "If you had just told him, he wouldn't have gone anywhere. This is your fault."

It was no different than what I had been telling myself since he left. _It's my fault. I did this. _

Tonight, I didn't agree. I redirected all of my anger and aimed it squarely at them. "This is your fault. If you people had supported us from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened."

Silence. _Assholes._

"If you had told me the truth about him, I wouldn't have been so lost this whole time. None of you ever tried to help me."

No comment. _Weak bastards._

"If you had helped Jasper when he was younger, he wouldn't be so fucked up now. How could stand by and watch him suffer?"

No response. They all stared at me like I just slapped them. I wanted to. I wanted to make them hurt like I did. I finally understood why Jasper was so angry all the time. They just stood around like idiots while he begged for help.

_Blind. Deaf. Stupid. Assholes._

"I fucking hate all of you," I screamed.

Rosalie inherited that same temper Jasper had. She pushed me back down into my chair and got in my face. "You need to shut your mouth."

"Or what? Are you going to hit me? I'll lick the blood off the floor and spit it at you after I kick your ass."

My brother pulled her away from me before she could say anything. I stood back up and let my eyes fall on each of them one by one. Disgusting. We were all screwed up.

"Next time you people want to talk to me about my problems, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror first. I may be screwed up, but so are the rest of you."

I left the room and tried to keep the tears at bay. It wasn't even all about Jasper. The whole world didn't revolve around him, even if it felt like it did. This was about me. I was tired of letting my life be about someone else. I wanted _my _life back. It was so much better than this confused, bullshit existence where I felt like a moon in someone else's orbit. I wasn't a damned satellite. I was a person. An individual. I. Me. Bella.

It all just made me want to scream. Wasn't a person supposed to have all this shit figured out by now? I wasn't a kid anymore. I was a grown up. Hell, I was having a kid of my own. So, why was I such a disaster? I didn't take drugs or drink to excess. I was a good girl with simple dreams. Shouldn't my problems be easy to sort out? I didn't know. I never knew anything, and when I thought I did, I was always wrong.

_Answers. I need answers. _I paced the room anxiously. I was so wound up and didn't even know why. There was just so much going on in my mind, and I couldn't seem to make anything slow down.

"Bella?"

I turned around. Edward was standing next to the couch. "Are you okay?"

No. I wasn't okay. I wasn't even remotely okay. I shook my head. "Say something random. Anything. I don't care what it is."

"One of your ears is lower than the other."

And the noise stopped. I tugged at my earlobes and smiled. "Really?"

He crossed the room and gave me a hug. "Jasper pointed it out to me. He thought it was cute."

I wanted to growl and shake my fist in the air. No matter how hard I tried, there was just no escaping Jasper Whitlock.

"Only he would think that." My voice was just dead. Gone. Exhausted.

Edward sounded as tired as I did. "I know."

I broke down and started crying. I apologized for yelling and letting my emotions get the best of me and a whole mess of other stuff that probably didn't make any sense. I was an emotional wreck after finally breaking down like I probably needed to this whole time.

When I calmed down, I begged him to stay with me. He held me through the night, and I was finally able to get some good, solid sleep. When I woke up in the morning, his unruly hair made me laugh, which woke him up.

Edward smiled like a contented lion. "Feel better?"

I snuggled up close to him and sighed. "Yeah, I think I finally do."

* * *

**Author's Note: I feel like I need to duck or something. Is anyone mad about how close Edward and Bella seem to be getting? Do you buy his claims that he is satisfied with just being friends? I would love to read your thoughts.**

**Thanks to everyone for all the reviews for the last chapter. I hope you all got your replies. I was a little late getting them out, but I guess it was better late than never.**

**The next update should be on Wednesday. Thanks again, and I hope you all have a great week.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 28 - Mud And Zucchini

**December 10th**

"Who pushed your joy button, Brown Eyes?" Aro asked me.

I wanted to spin around and sing a song about happy unicorns. "I'm having a baby."

His cane clattered to the floor, and his face turned an alarming shade of red. No one at work had heard my news yet, and now that I accepted it and was happy about it, I wanted to tell everyone. I just didn't want to kill my boss with the news.

I reached down quickly for his cane and handed it to him. "Are you okay? Do you need your medicine?"

He sat down in his chair, and I crouched down at his side. His hands found mine, patting them soothingly. "I'm fine. I think I was more surprised by how bright that smile was you gave me. You came near to knockin' this old man clean out."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, a beautiful woman should never apologize for being a knock out. What she should do is swat a man for not complimenting her lovely personality."

"Flatterer," I accused.

"Breeder," Aro threw back with a wink. "So, tell me how I can help out my favorite girl. You need a cut in hours? More hours? You name it, and it's yours."

"I'll never frown about more hours. It'll give me the chance to keep you on the straight and narrow."

It was my roundabout way of telling him that hours meant money, and I needed that money. Aro wouldn't comment on it. He would just nod and let me keep some smidgen of my dignity. If this man didn't have six decades on me, I would swear he was my soul mate.

He also didn't need to ask about the dad. He was well aware of the situation with Jasper. Often over the last couple of months, he had tried to get me to talk, but I always shied away.

Aro scratched at his jaw. "I've been thinking over my holiday plans for the store, and I've realized I'm in quite a pinch. You may be just the one to help me out."

I wasn't sure where this was going. It was the tenth of December, and the store was due to close on Christmas Eve and then reopen after the first of the year. It was the only time he took off the whole year.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked.

He waved a hand around pointing at different sections. "Alec has this place turned upside down. You could come in with Alice and straighten out the mess. Together you could get it done in a week and still have time to enjoy the holidays."

It wasn't even a made up chore. Some of the sections in the store were a disaster. I agreed to the plan, and together with Alice, we came up with a schedule. She was super excited about it, as it would help her save up more towards a down payment on a car.

My money problems were quickly becoming an issue I couldn't avoid. I was no longer willing to let my pride get in the way of good decisions about my future. I didn't take Jasper's money, and I wouldn't. What I would do was talk to Carlisle and Esme about my school funds for next semester.

The talk came the next day when I met them both for lunch. The meal lacked all of the awkwardness from my last lunch with Carlisle. It was actually fun and started with an entertaining round of embarrassing stories about Edward and Carlisle's adventures in camping. Those two were hopeless.

We eventually got to the topic at hand. "So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something."

Esme's encouraging smile helped me along. She really was a wonderful mother figure. I didn't feel any nervousness about the discussion. I knew that they would appreciate how much it took for me to even ask for the simplest thing. Tuition help wasn't simple or small. It was huge. It helped that the Cullen family put education first, and if I was going to have any hope of offering Hale a good future, I needed to have similar priorities.

"I have obvious expenses to consider over the next several years. While I am not broke by any means, I find myself lacking the adequate funds to pay for my tuition. I'm not asking for a handout. It would just be a loan."

_That sounded lame. Stupid, silly mouth. I should have practiced more._

Carlisle got right down to business. "We'll have conditions."

I expected this part."I'm listening."

"We want first dibs on babysitting. Any gifts we purchase for you and Hale will receive no complaints, and you will only pay back half the money."

Esme added her own two cents. "We made a similar arrangement with Alice. She pays half her tuition back to us, and she has her own special conditions added on top. This isn't charity, Bella. It's love."

I couldn't talk without risking tears, so I just nodded.

My new rule was to try to limit my crying to once a day. The rest of the time, I slapped a big smile on my face and tried to stay positive. At night, the dark would settle around me, and I would hug Jasper's stolen pillow to my chest. I could cry then. _Could _wasn't even the right word. I had to cry.

Lunch ended with hugs and kisses on the cheek. The meal went better than I expected. Carlisle didn't do his usual Jasper commentary, which helped. He wasn't the only one keeping his opinions to himself. No one was saying one thing against Jasper. I think it was their way of acknowledging they had some part in what happened with him. We were all responsible in our own way.

After going our separate ways, I left to return home. I didn't make it far. A car plowed into me as I drove through an intersection.

* * * * * *

**December 24****th**

The accident was two weeks ago. Alice and Rosalie were the first ones to find me in the hospital and kept me sane while I waited to find out about the baby. Fortunately, Hale was fine, and I only suffered a broken arm and some bruising.

After the car hit me, I was dazed for several minutes. When my head cleared, I completely flipped out. The whole thing woke me up to just how much I had grown to care about this little person I didn't even know. In a perfect world, I would have been excited from the beginning, but the world wasn't perfect and neither was I. The connection I had been missing did show up before the accident, but it grew exponentially afterwards.

Of course, it wasn't all good news. My car was totaled. Fortunately, the insurance payout and my savings were going to be enough to get me another car. I just had to wait for the check to arrive.

The rental car I was supposed to be driving didn't work for me. Every time I got behind the wheel of the car, my nerves would take over. My foot would shake on the pedal, and I had a hard time getting my hands to cooperate when I held the steering wheel. After standing and watching me try to drive and fail again and again, Emmett took the keys from me and promised that him and the others would drive me around.

I gave in and was very happy to do so. I was already under enough stress already, and the least little thing was causing me to crack. My brother told me he would give me a few weeks to get right again, and then, he would take me out on some little used roads until I felt comfortable again behind the wheel. I think this was as much for his benefit as it was mine. The last time someone in our family was in an accident, it was our mother.

Something else that came out of the accident was a harsh bit of reality for all of us. It was assumed by everyone that Jasper still had people watching me and would rush home once he found out about the accident. He didn't rush home, and we were now certain that he had completely cut himself off from anything relating to me or his friends and family.

Our fears for his safety were growing. Rosalie made another trip up to Washington. She didn't find any signs that he had been there. The notes from before were still in the same place she left them. She replaced them with different letters from each of us that left out news of my pregnancy but urged him to come home. We were all of the opinion that the information was something we should withhold since we weren't sure of his reaction. He was clearly not thinking like himself. If he were, we would have heard from him by now.

Rosalie and I searched out Ted, the lawyer. His only communication with Jasper was a short phone call placed a couple weeks ago, but he wouldn't disclose what it was about. Something he did do was again offer me the money Jasper wanted me to have. I turned it down like I did before. This brought on another argument between Rose and me. She thought I was being stupid for not taking the money. I pretty much told her to shut her mouth.

Jasper absence cast a dark shadow over the holidays. Any phone call or knock on the front door was answered quickly by whoever was closest. If he were going to come home, the holidays were surely the time to do it.

Our group arrived at Esme and Carlisle's to celebrate Christmas Eve, and the whole group was greeted with hugs all around. They really were the parents of the group. To some, they were the only parents they had known. Alice's paid her little attention. I couldn't even remember the last time they were even mentioned. Rosalie's had died when she was twelve, and Jasper's parents mostly ignored her. As for Emmett and me, Carlisle was the closest thing I had known to a real father, and Esme played a similar role for Emmett.

We were all one big dysfunctional family. Sure, we had our problems, but in the end, there was nothing I wouldn't do for any of them. Alice had been right years ago when she said that I was one of them even when I was not among them. The same held true for everyone else when the groups split. We were all still a family, even with the distance between us. How had I not realized this until now?

This new realization made me happy and sad. Alice was my sister, and for so long, I had only focused on the things about her I didn't like. I looked over at her. She was smiling up at my brother, who was talking to Carlisle about his last game of the season, which was next week.

When she turned her attention to me, the smile stayed in place. "I want a candy cane. What about you, Bella?"

"Sounds good."

Alice looped one of her arms through mine, and we wandered over to the Christmas tree to grab one. Rather than get one for each of us, we picked one and broke it in half to share it. We then threw some pillows on the floor and relaxed on the floor where we could look up through the tree.

"I used to do this when I was a kid," she told me. "Christmas was always my second favorite holiday."

"Which is your first?"

"Halloween, silly. You knew that."

I nudged her right leg. "Have you been a good girl this year, Mary Alice Brandon?"

"Nope. Santa is going to have his reindeer pee on me. I just know it."

Nice image. "Just don't stand too close to me when we all leave tonight."

Her laughter was like bells. "Are you kidding? I'm attaching myself to you. Santa would never let you get soiled with urine. You're already the golden girl. Additional coloring is really just repetitive at this point."

I wasn't quite sure how to take that. Luckily, Esme walked up. "Do you girls want to help me decorate some cookies?"

Alice jumped up. "Oh. Can we, please?"

We moved over to the dining table and formed an assembly line. Rose even joined us. Esme and I took up the first spots and applied the base frosting. Rose and Alice went for the details. Trees were given ornaments. Snowmen were given buttons and faces. Bows and ribbon were placed on colorful presents. Reindeer were given red noses. Alice refused to do any of them on principle.

Every time we got several cookies done, Carlisle, Edward, Laurent, or Emmett would swipe them up. After they had all stolen more than their fair share, we started swatting their hands away. They eventually took the hint and left. I think it was the threat that we would start decorating them.

Things were going well. We were all laughing and joking. More of the happy sounds were coming from the other side of the large open space where the guys were all watching a replay of a football game. Everyone was having a good time, and then the doorbell rang. All sound stopped.

_Jasper. _

Carlisle's head snapped up. I could tell from the expression on his face that he was thinking the same thing. He stood up with and joined his wife in answering the door. Alice bounded off after them like an eager puppy. When she abandoned her spot, Edward crossed the room and sat in her chair, which was right next to me. Emmett followed him and stationed himself on my other side.

While Carlisle, Esme, and Alice greeted the visitor, the rest of us continued our decorating. Emmett helped with the details. Poor Rudolph was now getting blue noses instead of red. Edward didn't help. He was too busy keeping an eye on his parents and Alice. They were blocking our view of whomever it was that had shown up.

"Bella, you just made a brown tree," Rose said from my left after a minute of me not paying any attention to what I was doing.

I looked down at my handy work. Great. I was making a dead forest with a green snowman and a pink reindeer. All of my attention was on the front door.

I could see Jasper in my head. I could feel his eyes on me. My ears imagined his heartbeat. My skin was tingling from his touch. I didn't know if he was the person at the door, but I could still smell the ocean. It was him. It had to be.

The people parted, and I saw a little old lady holding a plate of baked goods. All the breath went out of me. It wasn't him. It would never be him.

_Don't be sad. It doesn't matter. You don't care. _

_Think happy thoughts. Brothers. Family. Hale._

Emmett squeezed my shoulder. "I like brown trees."

I forced a laugh. His attempt at distracting me was sweet. "Yeah, they're … cheerful."

Edward grabbed up my reindeer. "This is just artistic expression. Reindeer are pink on the inside like we are."

He bit the poor thing's head off before offering me a bite. I rolled my eyes and took a nibble for myself. The cookies were good. I had spent the last thirty minutes decorating and had only just now had a taste. The men really shouldn't get to eat all of them. And even better than the cookie was the icing. It was divine.

With little thought to what I was doing, I used an index finger to swipe at a rogue dot of pink icing that was on the corner of Edward's mouth. He smiled at me when I licked away the sweet goodness. Cookies were now my new craving. I started munching on my brown tree and decided that decorating was for the birds. I then moved on to my green snowman and followed it up with a blue candy cane.

Alice's trilling voice broke me out of my self-imposed brain freeze. "If you keep eating cookies like that, you'll just gain more weight."

I almost choked.

She winked at me before turning to Emmett. "I doubt the coaches want you showing up twenty pounds heavier."

Her comment brought on a debate that centered on the ideal weight for a defensive end. Carlisle saved me from having to listen when he asked me to join him for a talk. We ended up in the far corner of the room where no one would be able to hear us. Edward was watching us with a look of supreme displeasure, which was a little unexpected.

"Bella, I'm not a big fan of Jasper. We all know this, but like everyone else, I have grown increasingly concerned about his absence. Is there any detail you can think of, no matter how small, that would help us find him? Were there any locations he mentioned he wanted to take you or any changes in his life we don't know about?"

Here was where we treaded on very tricky ground. Jasper was extremely private about his life. He didn't want people knowing anything unless he gave them the information himself. I had yet to tell anyone about his mother, and I knew my silence was something he would expect. It was a topic very close to his heart and revealing what I knew would be a betrayal in his eyes.

I also didn't really have anything I could say that would be of help. The file was not in the safe, and I had no idea where it was. The information about his mother wasn't ingrained in my head. I didn't even remember the fake name she was using. Other than a description of her and a general location that included a couple million other people, I had nothing to offer.

"I don't know of anything. I wish I did."

Whether my silence was a mistake, I didn't know. A person could argue that I didn't owe Jasper anything, much less my loyalty, but my heart didn't agree. All of my instincts said to keep the information to myself, and it was exactly what I was going to do.

* * * * * *

**January 4th **

The new year started out great. The team won their bowl game, and Emmett was now free from the bonds of football for a while. It was a break he desperately needed. This new freedom in his schedule started with a trip to the mall for all of us. It wasn't necessarily his idea of the best way to spend his time, but arguing with Rosalie was never fun for him. So, he went along with it. Poor guy.

I felt a little guilty about the whole thing. The trip was about getting me some clothes that actually fit. Wearing sweatpants to work wasn't something Aro would allow, but at present, they were the only pants I had that were comfortable to wear all day. I blamed my diet. I had taken my brother's concerns about my weight to heart and ate more than was probably necessary throughout the month of December.

When I said something to Alice about it, she went on one of her wild planning sessions. The day was scheduled out, and she even made a map of the mall to insure our shopping was handled efficiently. This was her nod to my 'condition' as she referred to it. Apparently, being pregnant meant I could work long hours, but I couldn't shop long hours. How that made any sense was a mystery to everyone but her.

Our whole group met at the south entrance, and I was quickly pulled away by the girls to go shop for clothes. After a torturous hour spent in dressing rooms and listening to Alice complain about the size of my chest, I was released back into the custody of my brother and Edward.

Laurent was stuck playing bag boy for Alice and Rosalie, who dragged him off to look for shoes. While they were busy, the guys and I wandered through the stores that interested us. There were only a few. We weren't really shopping people, but it was a nice change getting out of the house and away from the bookstore.

When we reached a toy store, Emmett and Edward made a beeline for the entrance while I opted to sit on a bench out front. Between work earlier and now shopping, I was getting pretty tired. I was also hot. My jacket and heavy sweater were perfect for the weather but not so perfect for a place filled with warm bodies and chatty people.

I slipped off my jacket and folded it onto my lap before going back to my people watching hobby. There were tons of them everywhere. Kids were racing through the crowds and were being chased by their parents. Couples were holding hands and window shopping. It was a typical day at the mall.

Also typical was the feeling I had that someone was watching me. This was a daily occurrence. I could be alone in my bedroom and still feel eyes on me. I knew it was just paranoia on my part after learning how closely Jasper had me watched over the years. He wasn't doing it anymore, but I still couldn't shake the feeling. It was one of the reasons I stayed close to home. Being out and about always became uncomfortable for me, and I would seek out some company, which was what I was going to do now.

I walked into the toy store and found Edward and Emmett immediately. They were in the section with the baby toys.

I wrapped an arm around my brother's waist and leaned up against him. "What did you find?"

"A sleep sheep," Edward answered.

Emmett picked up a box with a cute, little sheep inside and handed it to me. "We gotta get one. It helps little guys go to sleep with some soothing sounds."

"No," I stated firmly. "We're not buying anything yet. It's too early."

He acted all offended. "I was thinking about me. Rose snores, and I need this thing."

"You're such a liar."

My big brother handed me off to Edward. "You take her. She's moody."

"I am not," I laughed. "You're the one pouting and buying sheep."

"Let him have his fun," Edward whispered down to me. "He's excited about the baby. He and Alice have been going on and on about Hale whenever you're not around. They can't wait to shop for the kid."

Emmett picked up another box. "When did you say you're finding out the sex?"

"Two weeks, but it depends on the …"

He cried out and covered his ears. "I don't want to know the details. That shit weirds me out."

I knew that, and it was one of the reasons Rosalie was taking me.

We left the toy store and headed in the direction of the food court where we were supposed to be meeting the others. They were already there and were loaded up with bags of clothes.

Rose tapped her watch. "It's time for your four o'clock feeding," she joked.

She had significantly lightened up about taking care of me. It even turned into a joke between all of us. My new nickname was Audrey II after the evil plant that ate people.

Right on cue, Alice and Emmett started singing a song from _Little Shop of Horrors_ and dancing around like idiots. Only those two would break into a song and dance number in the middle of the mall. No one would ever confuse my brother with a typical jock. He liked Broadway music and dancing. He had no talent for it, but it made life more amusing for everyone else.

After a quick lunch, we headed home. Alice was now determined to end the day with a movie night. The one she picked was no surprise. A carnivorous plant was on the menu. How lucky were we?

I was slightly miffed with her plans. It always worked the same on these nights. The two couples paired up, which made things a little difficult for Edward and me. It was like we were supposed to be a couple but weren't. The others noticed it, too.

I was in the kitchen with Alice when she brought it up for the millionth time since Christmas when she saw Edward feeding me cookies. "Anymore sleepovers?" she asked.

"Nope."

She grabbed a bag of Cheetos and jumped up on the counter to sit down. "What are you waiting for?"

"I don't see you spending the night with Emmett. Why would Edward and I be any different?"

"How do you feel about him?"

"He's okay." I tried to play it off as nothing, but I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Just okay." Alice rolled her eyes. "That explains the flushed cheeks and the eyes that follow him everywhere."

"Do I really do that?"

"Big time." She grinned at me. "What will you do if he becomes more than okay?"

Cry. My life was already complicated enough. If I got with Edward, things would only get worse. I needed a complication free future. It would keep me happy and free of more worries than I needed.

Alice wasn't finished with the topic. "Is it the baby? Because I don't think he would care. Besides, today is the first time you even looked pregnant."

That was because of the time of year we were in. I could get by with sweaters and sweatshirts that covered up my expanding waist, which wasn't that big a deal anyway. I was only sixteen weeks along and still pretty small. If a person didn't know I was pregnant, they probably wouldn't even notice. Tonight, it was more obvious because of the shirt I was wearing that hugged my curves.

Not that any of that mattered. "Edward and I aren't like that."

"You two are so like that. You should just relax and let nature take its course."

_Nature? _"What are we, squirrels?"

Alice giggled. "Absolutely. Now, start gathering some nuts. Edward can keep you fed in the winter."

That was just disgusting. "You are so crass."

"You love me for it. Besides, he's good in the sack. You should give him a chance. I guarantee you'll be glad you did."

How many times did I have to say this? "I am not going to have sex with Edward."

A laugh from my right. It was him. "Gee. I love you, too, Bella."

Alice snickered at us both before jumping down and skipping into the living room. It was probably good. Strangling her would upset my brother and Laurent. They were ridiculously overprotective of the little thing.

Edward moved to where he was leaning against the counter. "Don't be embarrassed about it. I got Laurent saying the same stuff to me. I just ignore him."

That whole honesty thing we promised each other bit me in the ass. He stepped up close to me and drew a happy face on my stomach with his finger. "And no, the baby wouldn't bother me at all."

Cedar and peppermint. Deep, smooth voice. Strong arms. Broad shoulders. Crooked smile. Mussed up hair. Eyes that held a tempting offer.

Oh, damn. This was not good. Alice was right. I was attracted to Edward. I tried to shake off the feeling, but it tunneled its way into my heart and staked a claim.

_No. No. No. No. No. This isn't happening. _

I don't like him._ You love him, dumbass. You always have. _

He isn't Jasper._ He doesn't have to be._

Breathing became more difficult. I started wringing my hands together and mumbling my thoughts out loud. He laughed at what he heard me say. This was just not good at all.

I got even more nervous, and the inevitable word vomit started. "Your eyes are the same color as a zucchini. Not that I spend a lot of time looking at that particular vegetable. That would be weird, right? I mean, people might get the wrong idea. Not that I would ever do naughty things with a squash because that's just gross."

I felt my eyes go wide when my brain caught up with my mouth. "Please, forget everything I just said. Your eyes don't even look like that. They're more like this turtle I used to have. I named him Boxer. He died. I had a tree frog after him. He died, too."

Good God. Why was this happening? I never even had a pet turtle much less a frog. And where did the name Boxer come from? I was inventing pets and making up names like a natural born liar.

Something I couldn't figure out was why I never did this with Jasper. With him, my nerves were well in hand. Sure, I did some dumb things, but I never yammered like a fool. This was just embarrassing. It was like Laurent all over again.

Edward tried to ease my nerves. "Your eyes look like mud. Now, let's go watch the movie."

Mud? I couldn't decide if I liked that or not. Couldn't he have said chocolate or raw umber? Not that I did any better. Zucchini and turtles were hardly appealing comparisons.

_Stop thinking about that crap. It's movie time._

The lights were turned off. Rose and Emmett took over the loveseat. Alice and Laurent were on the floor. They were under a pile of blankets, but I suspected their hands were roaming. That goofy smile on her face gave them away. Edward and I were on the sofa under our own blanket. Our hands were not roaming, but my eyes wanted to. I forced myself to keep my gaze straight ahead, but I didn't see a single scene from the movie.

I heard the dialogue and the songs. Emmett and Alice sang along with the actors. Rosalie and Laurent groaned out their displeasure. This should have been a nice, normal night. I shouldn't be focused completely on the person to my right.

When the credits began to roll, I jumped off the couch and said a quick good night to everyone before escaping to my apartment. Mercifully, Edward didn't follow me.

Once I got downstairs, I wandered through my apartment feeling horribly guilty. There was no way I could get involved with him. I wasn't even sure that what I was feeling was real. If two people were constantly pushed at each other, did they develop feelings by default?

I cared about him, and I was attracted to him. It should have been easy, but like everything else in my life, it wasn't. I had to figure out what I wanted because sending him mixed signals was unfair in the extreme. Edward deserved better.

* * * * * *

**January 6th **

The Gregorian Calendar. I didn't use that anymore. I marked the passage of time by how many days it had been since I last saw Jasper.

Sixty-three days. Nine weeks.

Today was commonly known as Tuesday. It was the day before sixty-four and the day following sixty-two. Emmett and our friends called it two days before Esme's fortieth birthday.

I felt like a weak, silly girl for following a calendar based on a person who left me. My life wasn't even all about him anymore. I spent a good portion of my time talking to my baby. I didn't know if it was normal or not, but we had great conversations. She or he was a good listener.

Most of what I said lately was about Uncle Edward. Things were starting to change with him. Lingering touches. Too much eye contact. Shared smiles.

We ended up having a long but necessary talk. He admitted that his feelings for me were confusing the hell out of him. He talked about Carlisle's influence on him and how he feared it was driving some of his emotions.

I confessed that I was equally confused, and that it was all so different from what I experienced with Jasper. There was no doubt or confusion with him. With Edward, the feelings sort of existed in limbo. They were there but not there. I couldn't understand it at all. We were like two puzzle pieces that should fit perfectly, but we really didn't.

Our solution was to keep doing what we were doing. We promised to keep things honest between us. If we thought something, we said it. If we felt something, we shared it. It was what worked for us and kept our friendship in balance. If more came out of it, we would deal with it like we always did.

We were so much alike when it came to how we dealt with things. Communication was important to both of us. We talked about anything and everything. It was a nice change for me to actually see some progress and not have it feel like pulling teeth.

The people around us noticed the change. Rosalie was particularly vocal about it, which was causing problems between her and Emmett. He wanted her to leave us alone, and she warned him that this would only lead to trouble.

The problems between them were in evidence tonight. We were all spread out over the living room working on a gift for Esme's birthday. Alice had the idea to give her a scrapbook made by all of us. Tonight was the second day in a row we all got together to work on it.

Like usual, the two couples paired up. Alice and Laurent were making good progress. She was doing all the work, and he watched. Laurent wasn't a crafty guy, but he did offer up the occasional opinion. He was mostly splitting his attention between her and a conversation he was having with Emmett about spring football practice.

Their discussion was a sore point for Rose, who was pouting. She kept trying to get my brother's attention and help with their pages, but he was ignoring her.

Edward and I finished our pages the previous night and were off in our own little word on the couch. I was exhausted from working all day and was lying down while he massaged my feet. I had my eyes closed and was drifting in and out of sleep.

After several minutes of this, Edward tapped me on the leg. "You should go to bed."

I groaned as he helped me up to my feet and walked with me down the stairs to my apartment. I was still half out of it when he said good night and headed back to rejoin the others. This was a typical end of the night for us. He made sure I didn't fall down the stairs, and I went to bed. It was perfectly innocent.

I made my way through the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom. Five minutes later, I was ready for bed. I opened my bedroom door and about came out of my skin.

"Don't scream." A male voice told me.

I backed up and tripped over my feet. I was caught by strong arms before I could fall. "Shit, Bella. Don't fall either."

Jasper.

He was the ocean and everything I wanted most in this world. I fisted my hand up and punched the ocean right in the gut. "You bastard. Where the hell have you been?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Anybody happy to have Jasper back? Outside of him, I would love to know people's thoughts on Alice. Do people still hate her character?  
**

**This chapter was mainly about Bella getting her feet planted firmly underneath her again. She's taking better care of herself and thinking of what is best for the baby. Her and Edward aren't together, but they are certainly getting closer. Things are starting to go right for her again. Of course, Jasper is back now, and he brings some angst with him. **

**I've had a few people asking when we would get another Jasper POV. There is one coming up soon, but it is a few chapters away.  
**

**Thanks to everyone for the great reviews you've been leaving. I've really enjoyed reading your thoughts, and I can't wait to read what you have to say next. **

**The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday. Thanks again, and I hope you all have a great week.  
**


	29. Chapter 29

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 29 - I'm Broken

Before I knew what was happening, Jasper had me spun me around so that my back was to him. When he clamped a hand over my mouth, I pried at his fingers and kicked at him, but it did no good.

All I got was him leaning down to whisper in my ear. "Just stay quiet for a minute."

I held perfectly still and waited while he listened carefully for any unexpected visitors. The whole time my mind was racing with questions. Would he notice the changes in me? Why didn't he knock on the front door like a normal person? How much does he know about what's been going on? Where has he been, and why was he back now?

Satisfied that no one was coming, Jasper turned his attention back to me. "Will you be quiet?"

I nodded.

"I'm serious, Bella. Keep your voice down. I don't want a fight with your brother."

Again I nodded, and he let me go, backing away from me by several feet. I tightened my robe around me and crossed my arms over my chest as I surreptitiously eyed the distance to the door.

"Don't even think about it," he warned. "We have business to discuss."

Bad choice of words. "Talking with your lawyer is business. A meeting with your property managers is business. We are not business."

"Fine. We're dysfunctional ex-lovers with poor communication skills. Happy now?"

"I'd be happier if you didn't come in here acting like a burglar or a rapist. Are you trying to scare me to death?"

"Look. For all I know, you're brother wants to kick my ass. What did you tell them about what happened?"

Oh. It did kind of make sense why Jasper would be worried. "I told them we had an argument and you left. They think my hands got cut up before all that happened."

Any time before he would have inspected my hands for damage and commented on my broken arm. Today was different. He barely even looked at me. He also wasn't talking.

I couldn't take the silence. "We've all been so worried about you, and there's so much I need to tell you."

"Jesus, can you shut up?" He ran his hair through his hair. "I'm not here for a friendly visit."

The shock of him being here started to wear off. Confusion. I felt so much confusion and hurt. What the hell was this? There was no affection in his eyes. Jasper was a dead person standing five feet from me.

"Bella, I only came here because it seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't want you to see me for the first time in front of everyone else."

Slow down. "Is this just face time so I don't freak out when you show up?"

"No, I came here to find out what I was walking into, and I wanted to prevent any confusion between us."

About what? I waited for an answer to the obvious question.

Jasper took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I didn't come back here for you, and I figured the least I could do was tell you that up front."

All the light died inside me except for one tiny bulb. My lips almost spoke the words, confessing my secret, but I couldn't do it. All of this was just too much. Disappointment and sadness swallowed me up. Jasper dropped me back into the hole I was in a month ago.

– "_I didn't come back here for you."_

My eyes started tearing up. I brushed at them hating that I showed him any sort of emotion. I knew we weren't going to magically get back together, but I never expected him to come back with this attitude. With work and time, I believed we could have everything we wanted.

I thought about the plans we made together and the dreams we had. Jasper convinced me those were possible. He convinced me that no matter what happened he would always be there for me. Even if we were apart, I could depend on him to be the one person who would always love me. With all our problems, my faith had occasionally wavered, but it never once disappeared. Tonight, it finally did.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm done. I've got one last thing in me that loves you, and I'm holding on to it. So, don't you say another word to me. Walk your ass out of my house and stay away from me."

Jasper laughed under his breath. I lost it and pushed him into a wall. "Don't you dare laugh at me."

He lips settled into a lazy smile. "Got something to say, Bella?"

_You're an evil asshole. _"Yeah, I do. I'm going to remember what you said about not coming back for me. And when you change your mind about what you want, I'm going to laugh in your face just like you're doing mine."

He eyed me like a pirate on shore leave. "You shoving me into a wall is kind of hot. I got a few minutes if you're game," he offered.

My temper fired up. I picked up the bat next to my bed and held it like I knew what I was doing.

Jasper eyed my weapon. "I know you won't hit me."

"You left me bleeding on the floor of a bathroom after telling me you were never coming back. You kicked me out of our house, insulted me by offering me a payoff, and disappeared for over two months. Hitting you with a baseball bat is the least of what I want to do to you."

He held his arms up and took a step closer to me. "Leaving was my way of protecting you."

I tightened my grip on the bat. "I've been hurt, insulted, and discarded. How is that protecting me? And now, you're laughing at me. Beating you with this bat wouldn't even make us even. I would have to break part of it off in your chest to even come close."

No comment from the jerk. He was too busy watching me. It was annoying. Couldn't he say something to make me feel better? Was his purpose in coming here just to piss me off? If so, he was doing a great job. Though, my hormones probably gave him a fair amount of help.

"What are you looking at?" I demanded.

"Something is different about you. Did you gain weight?"

Yes, I gained weight, and it was partly his fault. Big, overly fit jerk. I heard a roar in my head and swung the bat, clipping him in the hip.

"Shit, Bella. What the fuck?"

"Don't you comment on my weight. I eat. I like food. I'm not some stick figure, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my ever-widening ass."

"It's not a bad thing. I just noticed that your face is fuller."

If he was paying closer attention, he would see the rest of me was, too. I wasn't telling him tonight. He could just get over it. Stupid jerk. "I want you out of here. You put in your face time. We're done. I get it. You can go now."

Jasper rubbed at his hip. "And you people think I'm the crazy one."

"You are the crazy one, you sick bastard. Now, get out," I ordered through gritted teeth.

He started to leave but turned back. "Don't tell anyone you saw me. They'll find out I'm back soon enough."

Unbelievable. "And why should I do anything you ask?"

There was a pause while he probably worked out the best way to stab at me again. Sure enough, he found the perfect words to insure my silence and break my heart. "Because you love me."

It was the truth, and the truth hurt. After everything he put me through, I still loved him. It wasn't natural to feel this way. Why was the connection still there? Could I ever get rid of it?

After he left, I sank to the floor and tried to deal with all of my emotions. They were bombarding me from all sides. I knew he left to protect me, and he was still trying to do it by making me hate him. He did a terrible job of it. It was just too hard for him to fully commit to a cause when it was the opposite of how he felt.

After I got my head together again, I checked all my windows and locks. I knew I left the deadbolt unlocked, but he would still need a key to get in unless he picked the other lock. Knowing him, that was exactly what he did. Then again, Jasper had a key to the main house. He could have come in through the back door and taken the stairs without anyone seeing him. He must not have been here long before I came downstairs. He would have found my vitamins and books.

I headed back upstairs and found everyone in the same places where I left them. Alice and Laurent were putting the finishing touches on her project. Rose and Emmett were ignoring each other, and Edward was reading a book.

Alice saw me first. "I thought you went to bed."

This sparked Emmett's brotherly concern. "Are you feeling okay? You look pale."

I came up here to tell them Jasper was back. I knew he didn't want me to, but it was the smart choice. When I went to say something, my mouth wouldn't speak the words. The love lost girl in me said that he was my secret, and sharing it would be sharing him.

"I feel fine."

It was a lie. I wasn't fine at all. I was afraid of waking up and finding someone next to me that I didn't need to see. "Can we have the locks changed tomorrow?"

The question came out of nowhere for them. I tried to make some excuse. "I keep having these dreams about people breaking in. I can't sleep because of it, and I don't feel safe."

"We can do that. It's no problem," Emmett agreed.

They were all watching me like I was about to lose it. My dramatic mood swings had mostly disappeared over the last month, but they were still very careful with me. I needed it. As much as I tried to appear strong, there was still a part of me that collapsed at the mere thought of Jasper. Tonight, that part was dead on the floor.

* * * * * *

The first thing I saw when I came upstairs the next morning was a person I thought was a locksmith. He was working on the front door. I was surprised they called someone so early. It was only ten in the morning.

When I rounded the corner, I found Edward and Rosalie arguing quietly in the kitchen. Emmett was trying to mediate. He was unsuccessful.

"You need to stop thinking with your dick," Rose spat. "You can't have her. She's not available, and you know what Jasper will do to you when he gets back."

Edward threw up his hands. "For years, we did what he wanted because we were scared of him. I'm not doing that shit anymore."

"Quiet down. You guys are gonna wake her up," Emmett whispered.

"I'm already awake."

They all spun around, and three faces turned bright red.

A man walked by the window in the kitchen. "Someone just walked by the window. Is he with the locksmith?"

Rosalie glared over at Edward. "No, the locks were finished an hour ago. You'll have to ask your knight in shining armor about our other visitors. He'll be more than happy to tell you."

My knight got shy and stumbled through an explanation. "It wasn't all me. Emmett and I talked about what you said last night, and we decided to call my dad. We told him about your fears, and he immediately called the home security service he uses. The contract was signed this morning, and he pulled some strings to get them to come out today. It should be finished late this afternoon."

"I can't believe ya'll did that."

"You were worried, and we can't have that. You should feel safe, and we just wanted to make sure you do," Emmett explained.

He would have hated this, but my first thought was that it was exactly what Jasper would have done. "Thank you so much. I can't even be mad that you sort of went beyond what you should have. It's just so sweet."

I gave him a big hug, and he held me tight. The best thing about Edward and my brother was that had it been Alice or Rosalie complaining that they didn't feel safe. They would have done the same thing. It was just who they were.

Tons of people were in and out of the house all day. It was a big job considering the number of windows and entrance doors. Carlisle insisted the job be finished before I went to sleep that night, and it was around six o'clock when the work was done.

The bad part of the day started after the crew left. An argument broke out about the group key policy. Emmett pointed out that we didn't have keys to Laurent and Alice's apartment and that they didn't need keys to our house. Rosalie thought that was just stupid. We never went to their apartment, but they were always over here. In fact, they were due to arrive in minutes.

I wasn't sure where I stood on the issue. It came down to trust. I didn't know if I could trust Alice not to give Jasper a key. Not that it really mattered. Rosalie would definitely give him one. Access to the main house still wouldn't allow him into where I lived. My apartment wasn't keyed the same as the other doors, and the security system was set up on a separate circuit with a different code. The only people with access other than me were Emmett and Edward.

The argument continued around me. Edward and I mostly stayed out of it. He was sitting next to me on the loveseat and was trying not to laugh. It was sort of funny watching Emmett and Rosalie pace around the room and gesture wildly. They were really getting into it.

I finally made a suggestion just to shut them up. "I think we should leave it to a vote. If and when we give someone a key and the code can depend on us coming to a unanimous vote. If one person doesn't trust someone, it supersedes everything else."

Emmett thought that was hilarious. "Are you kidding? None of us trust all our friends. We all have our individual beefs."

"But are there any of them you wouldn't trust giving full access to your house?" Edward asked.

_Jasper. _The name wasn't spoken out loud, but we all heard it. It was no secret what this was really about. We just weren't saying it. My concerns came from his reaction to the news about Hale.

Rosalie turned her attention to me. "Does this mean you don't trust any of us?"

She was under the impression that no one had a copy of my key or knew my code.

I lied. "Carlisle made the call about the basement. I'm simply going along with what he wants. He thinks it will help relieve my anxiety."

"Why do you get a vote about the rest of the house?" she asked. "You're just a renter."

"And you're just a squatter," I snarked back.

Edward played the peacemaker. "Bella is on the lease for the basement and the house. We couldn't exclude her even if we wanted to."

The unspoken message in that was that we could exclude Rosalie. Her name wasn't anywhere in the paperwork.

That any of this even warranted a discussion really spoke to just how complicated the ties were with these people. It was wearing me out just trying to keep up with them. I yawned big before leaning up against Edward and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Is this how it is with you people all the time?" I asked.

Rose was confused. "What do you mean?"

"The way you guys argue about stuff. I always thought you worked crap out through telepathy. You people always seem to know what each other is thinking."

Her pissy side came out again. "We do. Would you like to know what part of your anatomy Edward is thinking about?"

He laughed and whispered down to me. "The middle toe on your right foot. What_ did_ you do to that thing? It's freaky looking."

I smiled big. "Snowplow accident."

Rosalie huffed her disapproval. Apparently, Edward and I weren't supposed to joke with each other either. It was probably foreplay in her eyes.

Alice and Laurent showed up, and keys and codes were passed around. It wasn't long before a conversation was started about Esme's birthday the next night. Alice wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. We each had an assignment. I was going early with Edward and Laurent, and we were going to prepare Esme's favorite meal. Rosalie and Emmett were in charge of decorations. Alice was bringing the cake she ordered and would be barking out orders to the rest of us.

All thoughts of the militant party planner left when a knock sounded on the front door. Rose answered it. A squeal. She was happy. Another squeal. Alice was happy.

Someone grumbled under their breath. Emmett. He was not happy. Edward wasn't either. He gripped my leg and made a noise resembling a growl.

A charge filled the air. People were waiting for something. I could taste the anticipation. I knew what to expect before I even looked up. The prodigal son finally made his presence known. How lovely.

Jasper could tell by the reaction around the room that I didn't tell anyone about him. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he appeared almost disappointed by my silence.

Our visitor took a seat on the couch, and Alice plopped down next to him. I was hoping it was because she was excited to see him. If not, Laurent was going to be very upset. He cared a great deal for her, and her infatuation with Jasper would cause problems.

Minutes ticked by. No acknowledgement. No greeting. There was nothing to indicate that Jasper and I even knew each other. We were two strangers sitting twenty feet apart, if strangers were people so aware of each other that every movement was mirrored by the person across from them.

Our breathing found a matching rhythm. We would smile or frown over the same things the others were saying. Our eyes held the same emotion. He wasn't blank like last night. A storm cloud brewed behind the blue. I could see it on the horizon and knew that it equaled the one raging inside of me. We were destined to clash again at some point soon. The only question was when.

Surrounding us were the five people who would be bystanders in a war that seemed inevitable. The lines were drawn between us years ago. Resentment and blind anger had me highly motivated to finally join the game. Pride helped that along. I was so caught up in my own need to prove I was unaffected by him that I failed to see that trying to prove that defeated the whole purpose.

Around us people were doing their best to carry the conversation left empty by our own focused attentions on each other. Their hope was to alleviate some of the tension in the room. They failed. An on/off switch wouldn't have been able to cut out the crackle in the air.

It was almost a game of chicken. He stared at me, and I stared back. Blinking was allowed because a person had to blink, but being the first to turn away was not an option, at least not for me. I refused to be the first to budge. Let the dandy with the expensive coat and the shiny black shoes avert his eyes. I wasn't going to.

And what the hell was he wearing? My Jasper did not wear tailored jackets or dress shoes. He did not have his hair cut short and styled. He was not this person sitting across the room from me nor did he wear a gold signet ring on the little finger of his left hand. All these details and more hit me hard when he walked into the house. This was the first time he ever resembled his bank account.

When the uncomfortable conversation in the room ground to a halt, Emmett asked a very smart question. "Are you staying around?"

Jasper's smile left. "I haven't decided. Enough about me though, how has everyone been?"

Everyone. Like he cared. I listened with distaste as one by one everyone but Edward and I reported their actions over the last two months. It was like they thought they had to answer to him. He didn't even bother mentioning his own activities. Jasper reported to no one.

When the others had given their answers, the whole focus of the room turned to us. If they thought I was going to tell him anything, they all needed a wakeup call and a slap in the head. I wasn't telling him shit.

This was all just some stupid game. The two of us were pretending we didn't see each other the day before. I wanted to scream out that we should all put the poker chips away, but it wouldn't change things. He would find some other strings to pull.

He was still staring at me and expecting an answer. "Bella?"

My right eye twitched, and my hands tightened into fists. "Jasper?"

A minute passed by as the others glanced between us. He finally broke the silence. "How have you been? You look well."

I looked like crap, and I knew it. My hair was in a messy ponytail, and I was wearing old sweatpants and a ratty, over-sized sweater.

"Are you going to answer me?"

I laughed bitterly. "Just as soon as I come up with a reason why I should."

"Being polite qualifies."

"Do you find my manners lacking?" I clipped out coldly.

The bastard smiled at me. It was my favorite smile, no less. "Nothing about you is lacking."

I was rude, and he complimented me. His tactics were confusing as usual, and they worked. My brain was now arguing with itself. Be nice. Be mean. The fight was being waged with a vengeance, and neither side seemed willing to surrender. They were both slowed by the mud created by my confusion. What the hell kind of crap was he pulling? Last night, he put up distance and deliberately angered me. Today, he was friendly.

Edward entered the stilted conversation with a statement of his own. "It's really none of your business how she's doing."

For the first time since he sat down, Jasper's eyes left mine and turned to Edward. "We never finished our conversation from a few months ago, Cullen. Should we do that now?"

"I'm game," Edward said with a smile. I think he was hoping for a fight because he followed up his words by resting a hand on my thigh and rubbing it lightly.

Everyone seemed to hold their breath waiting for what would happen next. Emmett and Laurent looked ready to spring into action. They wouldn't need to. Jasper surprised us all by avoiding the confrontation.

"Bella," he said softly. "Let's go outside for a minute."

I could be Good Bella and agree to talk to him, or I could be Bitch Bella. The decision wasn't as hard as I would have thought. I was going to be Bitch Bella. He deserved it. "No, I'm sure you have somewhere else to be. I won't keep you."

Rosalie had to interfere. "By all means, keep him. You two have so many things to talk about."

It was a threat, and all of us knew it. If I didn't talk to him, she would spill the beans. Between her and her cousin, I was starting to think violence might actually be justified. I really, really wanted to hit her.

With little choice, I plastered a smile on and turned to Jasper. "It's too cold outside. We can talk in my apartment."

I thought he would be happy with the offer and jump up immediately. He didn't. Jasper turned his attention to his cousin. He knew she was holding something over my head, and it pissed him off that she would use it against me. Rose seemed to shrink under the weight of his eyes. The gloating expression on her face evaporated and was replaced by a bright red blush and pained eyes.

"Rosalie," Jasper's voice chastised. "Bella does what she wants, and no one coerces her into anything."

"I'm sorry, Bella," she stuttered out immediately.

Had this been a normal moment, I would have had a different reaction, but it was not to be. I knew that her apology was just one more example of the power he held over this group. It made me feel sick. This was not right.

"I don't need you." I didn't intend to say the words. They just came out, but then I thought about what they meant and how right and wrong they were. I didn't want his protection, not when it meant that others couldn't speak their own minds or be themselves. And Rosalie was just being her normal self. I didn't like her methods, but I couldn't deny that I respected her loyalty.

This time I said the words in a stronger voice. "I don't need you."

Jasper smiled at me. It was a genuine smile with no anger or malice behind it. "You never have."

And that was when it hit me. He wanted me because he thought I was the only person who didn't need him. It was about the challenge I presented. The joke was on him because I needed him more than anyone. He just didn't see it.

"We need to talk," I told him.

He followed me down to my apartment. When he saw the keypad next to the door, he had to comment. "Daddy Carlisle paid extra to get this done so fast. Did you tell him about me?"

"I didn't tell anyone. You asked me not to, remember?"

Jasper ignored the question and wandered through my living room. He picked up a picture and frowned down at it. "I don't like your apartment. You deserve better."

"Well, I don't like your attitude or the way your friends let you get away with anything you want. Does anyone hold you accountable for what you do? They all act like you've been gone on vacation."

He shrugged. "What are they gonna say? They know I don't care what they think."

"But they're expected to care what you think?"

"It's funny how that works, isn't it?"

Not really. It was disturbing how little he seemed to care for other people. Some time in his past, the part of him that was supposed to love and respect his friends was lost. I doubted he would ever get it back.

"Jasper, can we wrap this up? What did you want to say to me?"

He handed me the picture he was holding. It was from Christmas two years ago. Edward was giving me a piggy-back ride. What people wouldn't know was that I had a bum ankle after twisting it earlier in the day.

"You can be with anyone but him. Hell, go fuck your brother, but Edward doesn't get to have you. I won't let him."

_So much for no one coercing me._ "You get no say in what I do."

Jasper turned seven shades of pissed. It was a full rainbow of ugliness. "You can do what you want, but don't think there won't be consequences."

_He wants me. He doesn't. He wants me. He doesn't. _He should start pulling petals off a flower and finally come to a damn decision. "Do you flip a coin to decide which personality gets to be in charge? Because your mind is broken. I don't even think _you_ know who you are anymore."

"After everything I've told you, how you can expect me to be like everyone else? I'm screwed up. Accept it."

I was tired of his excuses. He was so much better than what he settled for. I hated that he couldn't see it. "My life hasn't been a picnic either, but I wake up, put on a fake smile, and deal with it the best I can. We can only blame our parents for so long before we own who we are and who we want to be. I do that. You don't."

"Bullshit. You're a girl looking for some kind of daddy figure to fill in for what you're missing. You'll put up with anything as long as I show you attention and pretend I love you. I don't see you owning that."

I wasn't a cruel person. That changed. "And you're just some scared kid whose bitch of a mother abandoned you, and now, you think everyone else will, too. Own that."

I should never have said it. He came at me fast, and I instinctively took a step back from him. He grabbed my chin in his hand and tilted my face up.

When he spoke, his words were menacing. "You don't know shit about my mother, so keep your mouth shut."

He was looking at me the same way he had before he left weeks ago. My own sense of self-preservation had gone out the window. I almost wanted him to hit me. If he could do that, he wasn't the person I thought he was, and I could finally let all this go.

Life was easier when I didn't love someone who made me feel like clay. He molded me into whatever he wanted at the time, and I did the same to him. He wanted a savior, and I asked him to be a hero. We were both wrong, and we were both cracking under the weight of the other person's expectations.

Something changed in him, and the anger switched off. His thumb grazed softly over my skin, and his eyes filled with the love I wanted to forget. "God, I've missed you. Every place I went, I saw your face and heard your voice. It doesn't matter how far I run, Bella. You chase me everywhere."

My throat tightened. I felt the rain and the inevitable flooding that threatened to pull me under. My strength was already fragile enough, and Jasper always stripped it away with such ease. This was where I always strayed off the good path. I would give in to him because it was so much easier than fighting what I knew was wrong for me.

Jasper knew me well enough to know that I was fixing to lose it. He wrapped me up in a hug and held me close. While I cried, he repeated over and over how sorry he was. The more he said it, the more I believed him.

All of my feelings from when he was gone returned. I remembered the story about his mother leaving and how I promised myself to not give up on him. I had told myself not to let anger take over and to give him a chance when he came back. I knew he was mixed up and broken inside. I had sworn that I would do whatever it took to show him that he could count on me. I wouldn't leave him like she did. I wanted him to know that together we could get through anything.

All of that had fallen to the wayside when I rearranged my priorities around Hale. Now, Jasper was back, and I didn't know what to do. It felt wrong to forgive him, but it felt wrong not to. As usual, I was lost. We both were. Only when we were together did I feel right. Being in his arms again was like coming home.

_NO. Not home. I can't do this again._

"I've needed you so bad, and you weren't here for me," I sobbed. "I didn't know if you were ever coming back. How could you do that to me? I didn't know if you were okay. I was so scared that something bad happened to you."

"I'm here now. It's going to be okay."

I pushed away from him and tried to put distance between us. "No, it won't be okay. You don't even know how not okay everything is."

"I can fix whatever is wrong. You know that."

The words infuriated me. I started shouting at him. "Not everything can be fixed, Jasper."

He started forward, but I put my hands up. I didn't feel right and having him touch me only made it worse. My head was killing me. My nasal passages started to run like mad. I sniffled, and a horrible taste coated my throat.

This was his fault. He did this. I was fine again until he upset me. Now, I was feeling like shit. He did this. Always him.

"Look at me," I yelled at him. "I'm broken, and you did that. You. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of you hurting me."

I could feel my blood pumping wildly through my body. My stupid nose started running worse. I brushed at it and came away with a dark red streak on my hand. The rusty, metal smell registered in my brain.

A nose bleed. This was just fucking terrific. As if tonight wasn't bad enough.

Jasper sat me down and went to get a wash cloth while I breathed through my mouth and applied pressure to the bridge of my nose. This wasn't my first go around with this problem.

"Has it stopped?" he asked after several minutes.

"Yes." I avoided looking at him and rose to my feet.

I went straight to my closet that held my laundry supplies. I sprayed some spot treatment cleaner on the cloth and headed for the bathroom. The mundane chore of preventing the cloth from staining was just what I needed to shake me out of where I was ten minutes ago.

_No emotion. No love. An absence of feeling. I don't love him. I don't need him. _

Jasper stood behind me watching every move I made. He stepped closer. "Have you been sick or something?"

I started to explain that it was my blood pressure and the cold, dry weather, but I didn't get a chance. The worst possible thing happened. He reached a hand up and rested it on my side. My sweater might have disguised the changes in me, but it was useless against touch. Where before, he hadn't noticed anything. This time he did.

Finding my waist different, Jasper moved his hand over my middle. His brow furrowed with confusion, and then his eyes narrowed with a hint of suspicion. While he sorted all that out, I took careful steps to the side, moving cautiously away from him. I didn't get far before a hand reached out and grabbed the sleeve of my sweater pulling me back to him.

No words. I stared into the bathroom mirror and watched every expression on his face, cataloging each little nuance. Different thoughts and emotions were going through him. Worry. Joy. Anger. Satisfaction. It was sort of like watching someone try a new food. They weren't sure at first how to take it, and each bite gave them a better understanding and brought out a new layer to the flavors.

I leaned back against him, and his hands went under my sweater and straight to my stomach. I waited for his first words knowing they could wreck me. I didn't have to wait long.

"This changes everything, Bella. Now, I have to keep you."

* * *

**Author's Note: Anybody think Bella should have knocked Jasper in the head with her bat? He sort of deserves it. I know he seems to be all over the place in this chapter. Why that is will become clearer in his POV chapter, which is coming soon.  
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**I wanted to take a second to again thank everyone for the great comments and reviews that they've been leaving. I love how outspoken ya'll are about which characters you love or hate.  
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**Well, I guess that's about it. I hope you all got your review replies and the excerpt. ****Have a great week, and I'll see you next Wednesday.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 30 - Choosing Sides

"_This changes everything, Bella. Now, I have to keep you."_

No. Jasper did not just say that he _had_ to _keep _me. He wouldn't. He was smarter than that. I rewound the words and played them back in my head. He said it.

"Jasper, do I look like a plant, a pet, or a toy fire truck? I'm a person. You don't keep me. And you don't tell me that you _have _to do it either. What you can _keep _is your mouth shut, and what you _have _to do is get the hell away from me."

When he didn't drop his hands, I peeled them off me. Furious. I was furious. How could he say something so stupid?

"Bella, the words came out wrong. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry _now_? You should have been sorry last night when you showed up and said you didn't come back for me. You should have been sorry for leaving in the first place."

"Calm down. It's not good for you to get upset. Think about our kid."

Ohhh, boy. "Not our kid. Mine. Not yours. Not ours. Mine. And this isn't even upset. This is mild compared to what you've done to me."

"I know. I know. Just listen."

"No, you listen. Where were you when I found out? Were you here when I was getting sick everyday? What about the accident? Did you hold my hand when I didn't know the baby was okay? No, you did not. You don't know shit, Jasper."

Guilt and shame washed over him. "Please, listen. Bella, I didn't know. If I did, I would have been here. You know that."

No, I didn't know that. "What I know is that you didn't come back for me, but now that you know I'm pregnant, you suddenly _have _to _keep _me. Way to make me feel like an obligation. You don't want me. You're just stuck with me."

"Slow down. That is not true. I never stopped..."

"Being a hypocrite," I finished for him. "How many times did you beg me not to leave you? And then, you did that very thing to me."

Jasper's temper flared. "Don't throw that in my face. You left for three fucking years. I left for two months. There is a big damn difference. I came back. You never did."

"But you didn't come back for me, remember?" I challenged. "And there is a big difference. We were broken up when I left, a breakup _you_ initiated. When you left, we were living together, sleeping together, and starting a life together. What I did isn't even in the same ballpark as what you did."

He wanted to reply, but we were no longer alone. The shouting brought down the rest of the house. I looked at my reflection. There was some blood on my sweater, and my face and eyes were puffy from crying. This was not good.

Emmett jumped to conclusions like I knew he would. "What the hell did you do to her?"

I got between them. "He didn't do anything. I had a bloody nose is all. It was nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

This set Jasper off. "I didn't do shit, and she's not lying."

A voice of reason came from behind my brother. Edward. "Em, Bella's had trouble with her sinuses for the last week and a half. She's not lying."

Emmett relaxed his angry stance and hugged me to him. "You have to leave," he told the jerk behind me. "She doesn't need this crap right now."

"I'm not leaving again. She doesn't even want me to. Bella, tell them you want me here," Jasper begged.

I didn't want him here. I wanted to go back to a time when the world was easier and my heart was whole. I wanted Emmett and Edward back. I wanted August. It was the last good month. I buried my head in my brother's chest and tried to forget about Jasper. I didn't even want to look at him. Every time I did, I lost another part of myself.

Jasper knew when to give up. "Bella, I'll go. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't cry again. Please, don't cry."

I heard his footsteps as he crossed the room. The last words he said were, "Take care of her for me."

Unlike him, they would. He always left me wrecked. How many times did he ever build me up? Not enough. And now, he left me feeling like an obligation. I was a burden. A liability. Unwanted.

* * * * * *

When I went upstairs the next morning, it was with a cooler head and a lighter heart. Rest did that. I was able to sleep through the night without the same fear or worry from previous nights. Jasper was safe and uninjured. He also knew I was pregnant. My other concerns paled in comparison to those two things.

I turned the corner into the living room and was surprised to discover tulips of every color filling the house. There were dozens of them everywhere. How did Jasper even know I preferred tulips to roses?

"Mornin', Mud," Edward called out from the kitchen. "Have a seat, and I'll make you breakfast."

I sat down at the bar. "Is it wrong to want to throw all these away?"

"Just because they're from Jasper doesn't mean you can't enjoy them. And hating the flowers would be like killing the messenger."

Somewhere along the way, Edward became the person I could count on most to reason things out with me. Last night, he actually defended Jasper by saying his reaction could be blamed on the shock of finding out he was going to be a dad. I couldn't expect him to accept it all in under a minute and then say something perfect and wonderful.

And honestly, it was Jasper. When did he ever say or think the right thing? His thoughts and feelings were so different from everyone else. Most people were like lined up cookies with very little difference between any of them. While I could find a million gingerbread men, there was only one Jasper. He stood alone while most people were surrounded by copies of themselves.

No one really loved him for all the things that set him apart. I did. He was precious to me in ways that would baffle other people. Where they saw a hopeless cause, I saw someone who fought hard and had yet to win a battle. Regardless, I couldn't let myself fall into the same pattern from before. He was toxic to me, and until he proved to me that he could be a positive addition to my life, I didn't want to even think about being with him. I had other priorities now.

I looked at Edward, who was good for me. "Why did you get up so early?"

"I wanted to check in with Rose."

She followed after Jasper when he left last night and didn't return until sometime after midnight.

"What did she say? Does she know where he's been?"

"Nope. Jasper only wanted to talk about you."

There was nothing surprising about that. The present circumstances would only make that worse. "What did she tell him?"

"Everything he wanted to know."

Could she not keep quiet? Stupid bitch. "Where is she?"

Emmett sat down next to me. "Calm down, Sparky. She left an hour ago."

"What the hell is her problem?" I asked him. "I'm tired of her deciding what I should and should not do, and this deal with her telling Jasper anything is bullshit. She needs to be quiet."

"Which is why she isn't here."

I took a good look at my brother and saw just how rough he looked this morning. "Did you two have another fight or something?"

"It wasn't a fight. We decided we needed some time apart, and she packed her stuff and left."

"What?" I asked. "No, this isn't right. We have to fix it."

"There isn't anything to fix. We were done the second she tried to force you to talk to Jasper. If she can't respect your feelings, I don't want her around. She'll either accept that or not come back."

I couldn't just let this happen. "Emmett, think about how hard it is for her. Jasper is practically her brother."

Emmett turned my chair so that I was facing him. "Let me make something clear to you because I don't think you get it. I don't care who it is or how much they mean to me. You take precedence. I can get a new girlfriend, but you are one of a kind. Now, give me a hug. I need one."

I gave him the biggest hug I could and felt guilty the whole time. The big guy knew it, too. "This isn't your fault, and you don't even need to worry about it. I'm a big believer in timing, and right now, the timing for Rose and me is off. This isn't an ending. It's just a pause."

How was he able to maintain such a positive attitude? It never failed to impress me how solid Emmett was. Nothing took him down for long. He was resilient in both body and spirit.

* * * * * *

Work. Work. Work. The customers were friendly today. The noise from the registers was a happy tune. Victoria was smiling for the first time in weeks. It was a good day at the bookstore and helped put me in a great mood.

I wasn't even bothered by the possibility that Jasper would show up. We needed to have a conversation that didn't involve shouting and crying. Try as I might to keep him out of my life, I knew it was unlikely to happen. We weren't going to be together, but we still had to see each other. If we got back on good terms, it would make life so much easier.

Alice was keeping an eye on the front door and promised to let me know when he arrived. She invented a whistle warning system. Two whistles told me he was here. One long whistle meant it was just a really good looking guy. It was all part of her plan to help me relax and have a little fun with a stressful situation. In the end, it was a waste of time. Jasper showed up when she was busy with a customer.

I had just helped a woman find a book to give to her lifelong best friend when I turned around and saw him. He was dressed like himself today, but that ring was still in place. I hated that thing, and I had no clue why that was. It just bugged me. His shorter hair wasn't making me happy either.

_Be friendly. Don't fight. You don't need the stress._

Jasper reached forward and pulled on the pocket of my apron bringing me closer to him. "Lifelong friends. How sweet."

My whole world went fuzzy when he brought his lips down to my ear. "What kind of friend am I, Bella?"

The kind that left me for months at a time, yet could still tempt me to commit murder just to get him back in my life. "You're the exact wrong kind."

"You don't mean that." His fingers traced a line across my abdomen. "I like this, you carrying something of us around. It's nice."

It was nice, and just like his touch, I liked it too much. My heart was fluttering just from having him so close to me again. And that smell. I missed it so much. I wanted to take a bath in him and never leave the water.

_Bad Bella. Don't let him touch you. _

I pushed his hand away. "Don't do this here."

Jasper looked around and saw that several people were watching us. "I don't care what these people think."

"Well, I do. I work here, and I need this job." Before he could get to the topic of money, I changed the subject. "Why are you here?"

"If I catch you in public, you won't yell at me. I might even get you to listen to me."

If we ever learned to listen to each other, we would be set for life. "I have customers."

"I am a customer, and I'm in desperate need of a book. It seems my girlfriend got herself knocked up. I figured I might read up on it."

I rolled my eyes. "If she did that all by herself, we should probably look in the section covering religion. I'm sure I can find you something on Immaculate Conception."

He was amused. "Don't bother. My girl is plum full of sin. She wouldn't be any fun otherwise."

_Is he flirting with me? _

_You were looking at him like he's your favorite snack. Of course, he's flirting._

I crossed my arms and glared at him. He ducked his head to hide a smile. Then, things went bad when his eyes became stuck on my breasts. "Damn, Bella. What the hell kind of shirt is that? It's not decent."

The surrounding people grew quiet, and I felt a dozen eyes land on my chest. "Would you shut up?" I ground out through my teeth.

"Cover those up, and I might."

I pushed passed him and headed for the backroom. Of course, he followed me.

When we were alone, I turned on him. "Did you have to embarrass me in front of the whole store?"

His attention was back where I didn't want it. I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "I'm up here."

That devil's smile showed up. "Angel, I hate to tell you this, but there's a good bit of ya' down here. Can I play with them?"

"No. What is wrong with you?"

"I haven't had sex in over two months, Bella, and when I come back to town, I find you lookin' all ripe and ready. There would be something wrong with me if I didn't want to play."

Ripe and ready? I had to stifle a laugh. "They're not cantaloupes, you asshole."

He rubbed his hands together. "At this point, that's debatable, but with a careful inspection, I can better identify what we're working with."

This was when I realized he was just messing with me. "You are such a jerk. You embarrassed me on purpose just to get me alone, didn't you?"

Those blue eyes met mine like they were supposed to. "I also wanted to make you laugh, but you're a little too sensitive."

"I might have been tempted to laugh," I acknowledged with an amused grin.

Jasper seemed to get lost for a minute. He was just staring at me like I gave him some kind of gift. "Are you okay in there?" I asked.

He shook off his little moment. "Not really. Every time I see you, it's a roll of the dice. I never know if it's going to end in a fight or what."

"If you would pick a personality and stick with it, we might have more consistent interactions."

I could see the nerves return. Jasper ran his fingers through his hair and broke off eye contact. "I'm sorry about what I said last night. I had so much shit going on in my head, and my thoughts came out in a mess. I wanted to punch myself in the face after I heard what I said."

"I wish you would have. You hit harder than I do."

Uncomfortable silence. I was thinking of that last morning, and I knew he probably was, too. We needed to talk about what happened, but this wasn't the place.

Jasper cleared his throat and looked back up at me. "I don't know what you need from me or even if you would want anything from me, but I'll be here for you. All I ask is that you don't cut me out completely."

There was no way I could cut him out of my life. Imperfect or not, he deserved a chance to be a father. "I'm not going to cut you out, but you have to do some things to show me that I can trust you. Your temper and your mood swings make it hard for me to feel comfortable around you."

"I know, and I'll go to therapy. I'll take the meds. I'll do anything."

I heard a tapping on the door. It was Aro's polite way of telling me to get back to work. "I have to go, but we'll talk about this later."

We walked out of the backroom, and Aro eyed Jasper with suspicion. He put his cane up and blocked my exit. "My office," he told me angrily.

Jasper started to say something, but my boss beat him to it. "I don't want you in my store. In the time I've known you, you've had all three of my girls acting squirrelly. The next time I see you in here, I'll consider it trespassing. You got me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, get out."

Jasper left, and I saw him immediately grab for his phone. I hated not knowing what to expect from him. Months ago, he would have let this go. Today, I wasn't so sure.

I followed Aro to his office and took a seat. My old boss sat next to me. The usual sparkle was gone. He looked a hundred years old and very tired. He laid a hand over one of mine and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I'm worried for you. That boy is a slick one, and he's already working on you. In under a minute, he had you looking at him like he was ice tea on a hot day."

I rested my head in my hands and groaned. "Was I that bad?"

"Yep, and he saw it, too."

"I don't know what to do."

"You need to take a cowboy minute and figure it out. He'll push you fast and have you eating out of his hands if you're not careful. And I didn't sit around watching you cry for two months just so he could two-step back in here and win you back in a day."

Aro was right. I was already weakening. I couldn't do that. "I'll be smart. You don't need to worry, and if I do slip, my friends will make sure I keep him at a comfortable distance."

"I'm not so sure they can do much against him. People like him take what they want if it isn't given to them."

Right again. Jasper had no limits. If pushed far enough and denied access to me, he would react in ways I couldn't even imagine. The only guarantee I had was that he would never let me go now. I was well and truly caught. All I could do was try to maintain some control hoping he would get better.

* * * * * *

Esme's party was underway and looked to be a success. The house was full of her friends and coworkers, and she was circulating through the room with a big smile on her face. Carlisle was at her side the whole time looking on adoringly. It was sweet how attentive he was to her.

The party wrapped up late, and as the last guests were leaving, another one arrived. Esme's face brightened. Jasper was here, and she was delighted. She gave him a big hug before reaching up and ruffling his shorter hair. I couldn't help but smile when she started teasing him about finally getting a haircut.

The rest of us went about cleaning up the house and let them have a moment to themselves. We all knew Esme wanted some mothering time, and knowing Jasper, he probably needed it. Carlisle kept quiet and joined the rest of us. I knew having Jasper here was eating at him.

I decided to move to the kitchen and help Alice with the dishes just to avoid hearing what he thought. When I walked in, Rose was sipping at some champagne and looking bored. It was a difficult night for her. Emmett and her had been civil but distant the whole time, and I knew she was only here as a favor to Alice, who wanted this night to be perfect for Esme.

"Hello, Bella." My name came out like an expletive.

I went with a much nicer tone. "Hi, Rose."

"Well, aren't you being sweet?"

If she thought I was going to put up with the attitude, she was sorely mistaken. "I could put on my Bitch Suit, but it looks like you borrowed it."

"Hardly, I wear a smaller size."

That actually kind of hurt. As Jasper learned a few nights ago, my weight was a sensitive topic. It wasn't like I didn't have a good reason to be heavier, but I didn't have to like it.

Rose moved off to the living room and sat her lazy butt on the sofa. She wasn't helping clean up at all.

"Should I talk to her?" I asked Alice. "I don't like having her mad at me."

"Don't worry about it. She's really just mad at herself. It doesn't help that Jasper wouldn't let her move back into his house. He was pissed about what she did last night."

"Is she staying with you?"

Alice's lips curled into a snarl. "She's staying with Victoria. She didn't even ask to stay with me."

"Are you kidding? Wow."

"She calls me a sympathizer because she thinks I'm taking Emmett's side, but it's not true. Laurent and I are staying out of the drama. It'll help us survive the fight."

Something about the way she said it struck me funny. "You make it sound like they're going to have a war."

"If people start picking sides, it will be. There is so much wrong right now. Jasper and Edward hate each other. Rose and Emmett are fighting. Carlisle and Esme aren't much better."

I had to stop her. "What do you mean? Carlisle and Esme are fine."

She took a second to make sure no one could hear us. "Bella, they haven't been good since they came to Texas. She wants to go back to Washington, and he refuses because of Edward. With you pregnant, it's gotten better. She doesn't want to miss out on the new baby, but until that happened, she was pretty unhappy."

I had no idea about any of that. There were times when I saw some signs of strain between the two of them, but I just thought it was about their differing opinions on Jasper, which was further proof that I made everything about him.

Speaking of him, he just followed Carlisle out of the room. I knew out of everyone that Carlisle would be the one to demand answers out of Jasper. He was the father figure of the group and felt entitled to information about all of us. I could understand it with Emmett and Alice, but Carlisle hated Jasper. This was probably going to be an ugly lecture about leaving me, and knowing Jasper, he would be crushed that he had disappointed the man so much.

I was always complaining that no one held him accountable for his actions. I should probably just be happy that Carlisle was even bothering to step in and do this. Jasper held him in high regard, and if there was anyone he would listen to, it was Carlisle.

With that in mind, I refocused on the task at hand, and together, Alice and I had the kitchen cleaned up in less than ten minutes. The living room was straightened up by the guys, who had to work around a pissy Rosalie. She wouldn't even get off the sofa when they went to move it back to its regular spot. They just lifted it up with her still sitting there. Then, she complained about that. If she kept acting like a brat, she would never make up with my brother. Silly girl. He hated that kind of behavior.

Soon after we finished getting the house right, Jasper returned. It must have gone worse than I expected. He even looked a little green. It didn't last long. His chameleon's nature took over. He closed his eyes, breathed in deep, and wiped the sick expression from his face. When his eyes opened, he was in firm control.

Even still, he took tentative steps into the room. Carlisle passed him with a satisfied glow about him, and for a second, I saw a flash of pure hatred cross Jasper's face. It was a complete change from the respect I usually saw him exhibit for the man. It was no secret that Carlisle didn't like him, but Jasper had always accepted it and understood the reasons. That acceptance was gone.

No one else in the room noticed anything was amiss. Emmett and Edward were talking with Laurent about a summer trip they had planned. Rosalie was still sulking on the sofa. Alice and Esme were laughing as they looked through the scrapbook we made.

I was separate from everyone. I had moved to the back doors and spent most of the last few minutes in deep concentration. I was fairly certain I felt a flutter and was hoping to feel it again. So far, I hadn't. This was something I wanted to share with Jasper. In a world where everything was right and good, he would sit quietly with me while I waited patiently for it to happen. Then, he would laugh with me if it did, and kiss me to distraction if it didn't.

_Ours. Not mine._

The words came out of nowhere. I snapped my eyes up and met Jasper's. My happy thoughts died away in an instant. He was watching me with a look of absolute despair. It killed me to see him this way. I didn't know what Carlisle said, but I was going to fix it.

I crossed over to him and took one of his hands in mine. "Why are you so upset?"

He stepped in closer to me and gave me a hug. "I was thinking about … your accident. I should have been here for you."

"Yes, you should have, but it's probably best you weren't. You murdering the other driver wouldn't go over well."

It was a joke, but he didn't even crack a smile. "You still believe I love you, right?" he asked me.

I pulled back from him and took a reassuring tone. "Of course, I do."

He started speaking fast and tripped over a few of his words. "Let me drive you home tonight. We can go straight there. No detours. Just time for us together. I'll be good."

If it hadn't been for the twinge of desperation in his voice, I might have agreed, but I recognized something in him that reminded me of a few months ago. Jasper was barely hanging on to his control. Instinct was telling me to run, but I held fast to his hand. I wouldn't abandon him when he was so obviously lost.

I smiled hoping it would calm him. "I don't think that's such a great idea. Why don't you come over tomorrow? We can talk then."

Desperate eyes started pleading with me. "No, I need to talk to you tonight. It can't wait."

I glanced back over my shoulder and saw that everyone was watching us. He wouldn't want them to see him like this. "Jasper, calm down. I know you're upset. Just stop for a second and try to relax."

He rubbed a nervous hand across his brow. "No, I can't. I have to tell you something. Let's just leave. I'll drive you home. It'll be okay."

Again, I was tempted. I wanted to trust him, but history told me that when he was like this I shouldn't be alone with him. I tried for a compromise. "We can go over to the kitchen. You can tell me there."

Another change hit him. His eyes searched the room, and he went from anxious to guarded. When I checked behind me, I saw why. Everyone was standing up and looked ready to tackle him.

Jasper tensed up, and his grip on my hand tightened. He let go of me a fraction of a second later. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

No, he didn't. Not even a little bit. "No, it's fine. You didn't hurt me at all."

"Will you really see me tomorrow?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course, I will. Just go home, and calm down for me. You can even call me later if you like."

I got a hesitant smile. "I can do that."

It should have ended there. Jasper would have left after saying his goodbyes. He would have had tonight to get settled down again, and we would have met the next day. I would have made sure we weren't alone but that we still had the privacy to discuss what he wanted. None of this happened.

Carlisle moved to my side. "Jasper, I want you to leave. You are not welcome here, and I believe I've made that more than clear to you."

I was stunned by what he said. Could he not see that Jasper needed help? Would he offer him no understanding?

Jasper's eyes were murderous. "You did make that clear."

The words were said in such a malicious tone that I took a step back. It was like a different person had woken up inside him. His eyes were full of cold fury as he wordlessly challenged Carlisle to back his words with action.

Emmett came up on my other side. "He told you to leave. You should listen."

This wasn't okay. Jasper was going to leave, and then, they had to butt in and ruin everything. I took a step forward knowing that I could get Jasper to go peacefully. I didn't get far. Emmett pushed me behind him almost causing me to trip in the process.

"Watch what the fuck you're doing," Jasper snapped.

Emmett ignored the comment. "Get out."

"Don't be like this," I begged them both.

My brother wasn't backing down. "You're not seeing her tomorrow or ever again. I saw the way you looked at her when you thought you hurt her. What did you do to her before that you're so goddamn worried about it now?"

"I've done a lot to your sister. How much do you want to know?"

This was going to be a fight. Laurent moved up to stand next to my brother.

"Jasper, I will see you tomorrow," I promised loud and clear. "Go home like I said. Please."

"You're lying. You won't see me. They won't let you."

Esme came up to me. "Bella, you can't be in the middle of this. Just step back."

She was right, and from what I could see, Jasper wasn't going to back down. I moved to the other side of the room, and more of his paranoia came out.

"Don't listen to what they tell you," he shouted to me. "They're all liars."

Rosalie and Alice moved to either side of me. "We need to get you out of here. He _will_ fight to get to you," Rose warned me.

Why was this happening? He was going to leave. It would have been okay. They had to have seen that. Tears started streaming down my face, and my hands were shaking. I felt so fucking helpless. I wanted to scream at all of them to leave him alone, but I knew it would only make the situation worse.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped a protective arm around me. "I got you, Bella. Let's go into the study, alright?"

I latched onto his arm thankful for his presence. It was short-lived.

Jasper's temper snapped. "Edward. If you don't take your fucking hands off her, I will cut your throat."

My jaw dropped. He meant every word he said. Who the hell was this person? I couldn't speak. I wasn't the only one. All of us were just stunned into silence.

"Now," he roared.

I flinched back from the sound. Edward didn't let go. He pulled me in closer to him. "Go with Rose to the study and lock the door," he whispered. "I don't want you to get hurt if this turns into a fight."

He stepped away from me at the same time Rose grabbed one of my hands. "Come on, Bella."

Jasper's anger over Edward had been well-stated last night, but I never thought it was to this extent. He truly wanted to kill him. It wasn't even a want anymore. In his head, Jasper needed to.

I walked with Rose to the study door, but Jasper's voice stopped me. "Don't leave me, Bella. Come here."

A stupid, irrational voice in my head told me that he would calm down if I went to him. A smarter voice told it to shut the hell up. I didn't need to be anywhere near him.

Rose's grip on my hand was like a vice. "Don't listen to him. I know you're tempted but just don't."

He heard her, and it only escalated the problem. "Bella, I won't let them keep us apart. You know that."

I heard the underlying threat in his words. So did everyone else.

"Alice," Carlisle said in a calm voice. "Call the police."

This whole night had turned into a nightmare. Emmett and the others were ready to do whatever it took to keep him away from me, and Jasper was willing to fight just as hard to get to me.

Minutes ticked by slowly. I could see him calculating the odds in his head. He considered every person carefully as he decided on a plan. The only hint I had that My Jasper was still in there was when our eyes met. His expression softened slightly. It gave me some measure of hope, but it vanished a second later.

An evil smiled played on his lips. "Rose, are you sure you know which side you're on?"

She lowered her head. "I'm sorry."

"Alice?"

"You should go."

Jasper nodded before looking at me. "Bella, remember who started this. It wasn't me."

And then he left.

Through my tears, I searched the different faces in the room. "I don't understand what happened. Someone tell me what happened."

Rosalie was the only one to answer. "We just lost him."

* * *

**Author's Note: So, how do you feel about him now? All I ask is that people try to give him the benefit of the doubt. His POV will explain much of what is up with him.  
**

**I want to apologize for posting later than usual today. This chapter required several read throughs to make sure it came across right. **

**The next chapter will be a Jasper POV. In all likelihood, the next two will be from his POV. There is a great deal of ground to cover. **

**I have to say a big thanks to everyone for their great comments and all the wonderful reviews that have been left. It's been such a pleasure reading through them. I love how passionate people are about the story and the characters.  
**

**The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday. Thanks again, and have a great week.  
**


	31. Chapter 31

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 31 - My Perfect Hell

**Jasper POV**

**November 3rd **

I used to do so much by myself. Everything really. Walking down a street. Driving to school. Waking up in the morning. Eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Now, I couldn't do shit by myself. Everything took two people. I couldn't walk down a street without holding Bella's hand. Driving took forever unless she was right there with me. When I woke up in the morning, I reached for her before I could even open my eyes. Food didn't taste right unless she was eating with me.

She was my life and breath and just fucking everything. A smile. A touch. Her voice. A random thought. All of it was what made my blood pump and my heart bother to beat. It was all her. Bella.

And right now, I wanted to take my hands, wrap them around her throat, and squeeze. I wouldn't because it was wrong, but I was sorely tempted.

We were happy for a month and a half. Sure, we had our problems, and most of them started out the same way. I was a dumbass and did or said something stupid. She was an angel and forgave me. I never deserved it, but she offered it anyway.

Now, my life was this: Girl makes boy happy. Girl starts acting like a major bitch. Boy wants to strangle girl while she sleeps.

Where the hell did My Bella go? I was stuck with this crazy bitch that didn't even resemble my girl. One minute, she would be fine, and the next, she was mad at the world. Nothing I did was right. Everything pissed her off, and she complained constantly. I was to the point of calling a priest for an exorcism.

_You're breathing too loud. _Did she want me to stop?

_Can't you leave me alone?_ I was only telling her dinner was ready.

_I hate lasagna. _It was her favorite meal.

_The smell of your car is making me sick. _It didn't smell.

_It's too hot in here. _Five minutes ago, it was too cold.

_I can't sleep. _A mallet to her temple might help.

_You're an asshole. _You used to be an angel. What happened?

The worst part was how inconsistent she was. If she wanted to be a bitch, she should at least commit to it fully. None of this half-assed shit. I would get Good Bella about sixty percent of the time, and then Bad Bella would kick the good one's ass out of the house.

And crying. Good God. She cried for an hour every time we got into an argument _she_ started. It made me feel like a bastard when I didn't do shit.

After a week of this crap, I was ready to choke her. I should really just choke myself. It was me that couldn't make her happy. It was me that was pissing her off. I ruined everything I touched, and now, I had ruined her. It was my fault. She was never this way until now. What was different in her life? Me.

I was useless and stupid. I couldn't say anything that made her smile anymore. It wasn't even about me being unhappy. It was about her. Bella hurting made me hurt, and she was hurting all the time. She had to be, or she wouldn't be this crazy.

For the first time ever, I felt like she was looking right through me. She was seeing nothing. I wasn't there. I was just the person she lived with. There were no feelings in her eyes when she looked at me. Nothing. Empty. Gone.

It was like going back in time and seeing my mother. The weeks before she left home were not good. We had a fucked up relationship anyway, but it was worse at the end. For the first fourteen years of my life, the woman couldn't decide if she loved me or hated me. Part of the time, she ignored me. It was a relief from how she felt otherwise.

When Mom was good, she was the best mother a kid could ask for. She talked to me. She asked about my day. She drew me pictures. She told me she loved me. We did things together. Simple things. I remembered painting miniature bird houses with her. We built forts out of cardboard boxes. We had fun.

When Mom was bad, the bitch was evil. I couldn't do anything right. Just seeing me would put her in a pissy mood. It was my fault she was unhappy. Having me trapped her in this life she hated. She was too good for us and the life she was stuck in. It was me that caused this, and she hated me for it.

I preferred the times when she ignored me. At least then, I didn't get my hopes up or my feelings hurt. The good was rare, and the bad was common. My dad may have been a real prick, but at least the bastard was consistent. My mom was fuckin' crazy.

The day before she left was a good day. Hell, it was the best day. She made me breakfast that didn't come out of a box. We talked about the future. She told me she was proud of me. No one had ever said that. When I went to bed, she told me she loved me and would see me tomorrow. She didn't. She left. The whole day was a lie. If she loved me, she would have taken me with her. She didn't love me, and she sure as shit didn't want me around. No one did.

And now, Bella was doing the same things. Bouncing between hate and love. Being so good it made me want to freeze the day and repeat it over and over again. Nothing was better than being with her, but lately, nothing was better than being away from her. All I saw when I looked at her was a girl who used to be happy but wasn't anymore because of me.

The best part of Bella was her steadiness. She was the same girl when she woke up as she was when she went to bed. People would call her boring, but I just called her _Mine_. I loved that I knew what to expect from her.

That shit was gone. The only guarantee I had now was that nothing was right, and it was all my fault. She was going to leave me. I knew it. I could feel it. Why would she stay when this was how I made her feel?

* * * * * *

**November 5th **

I pulled over to the side of the road. What was I doing? Where was I going? Bella was two miles back and falling apart. Why? Because I broke her worse than ever.

My hands. My stupid fucking hands. I wanted to shake her until she told me where the fuck she was and why she left me. Then, I saw the blood.

Her hands. I did that. Not with my fists but with my anger. I created the shards that ripped at her skin, the fear in her eyes, and the tears on her face.

I didn't want to hit her. Did I think about it sometimes? Yeah, I fucking did. Call it a genetic gift from my father. Call it being a weak, pussy of a man. I didn't care. I just called it wrong.

More wrong than anything was what I saw myself becoming. How long would it be until shaking her turned into knocking her around? Today? A week? A year? Never? I didn't know if I would hurt her, but I couldn't stay knowing there was a chance I might.

Bella was not going to live in fear. I wouldn't let it happen. Her words wouldn't be her own. Those beautiful thoughts would be stifled. The song in heart would take a somber note. This would never happen. I loved her too much to let it.

Some people would say I was running, and I was. I was running from myself and the woman I loved more than anything but refused to destroy. I knew I rained hell on everything. My mouth spit fire, and my fingers burned anything they touched. If I stayed, she would be smoke and ashes.

So, I left. I drove until I ran out of gas, and then, I filled up and drove some more.

* * * * * *

**November 18th **

I needed some fucking pills. Now. This second. Right fucking now.

I couldn't take any. They would settle in my gut and grow tentacles. One would lead to another, and before I knew it, I would either die or wake up in a hospital after another overdose. I had been there and vowed to never go back.

_Just one. You need it. _They were sitting on the nightstand calling my name. I drowned out the sound with a bottle of whiskey and two pillows pressed to my ears.

So much pain. Damn. My face was meat. My knuckles were shredded, and I had to have oral surgery to fix a couple of teeth.

The fight was stupid. There was a girl. Her hair made me think of Bella's. I stared at her a few seconds too long, and the boyfriend got pissed. He reacted the same way I would have. He picked a fight.

It was one of those great nights where I found out how many people it took to kick my ass. It was three. Worse yet, they were small and inexperienced but highly motivated. I wasn't any of those three things. I wanted to get hit. I wanted to feel pain. I wanted to lose.

So, I took a beating and laughed the whole time.

_It's not so funny now, is it? Take something. You need it. _

Pills made me stupid. They always did. I hated them. The doc I was going to for my fucked up head wanted to put me on some shit, but I told him to get bent. He told me to get educated. I was, just not in the way he liked.

_Pills. Pain. Numb. Sleep. Die._

My phone rang. It was the slap I needed to wake me up. Demetri. He was calling about my angel.

"How is she?" It was the question I always asked first.

Answer. "Not good. She barely leaves the house. Ignores the others."

This was no surprise. Moving on. "Give me details. What did she do today?"

"You know the rules, Jasper. I can't tell you."

I made the fucking rules. I could break them. "Just tell me."

"After that crap with the kid, we made rules. Limited details and no pictures. I won't stalk her for you. I'll give you a general idea where she is and how she is. That's it."

He was talking about that punk Mike Newton. Demetri didn't like me kicking the kid's ass. "Shit man. Tell me something."

Long pause. "I can't. Find someone else to watch her. I'm done."

Demetri hung up on me. Useless prick.

The phone started talking to me. _Call her. Hear her voice. Go home._

Pills. _Take me. You're hurting._

They started arguing with each other. Only Bella would understand. She got it. She got me. The only one.

I had to shut up one of the voices. I picked the one that wouldn't kill me. Bella. Good girl. It was too damn bad she loved a rotten guy.

I called. I heard my name. I hung up. Coward. Fool. Stupid fuck.

The pills laughed at me. I flushed them down the toilet.

I didn't sleep that night. I sat there remembering all the reasons I left and couldn't go back. By the next morning, I was back where I needed to be. No Bella.

I called one of my whipping boys. Ted. He hated me. I gave him another reason. Kick Bella out. It would make her hate me. Offer her money. It'd make her hate me more. This was an insurance policy. If she hated me, I wouldn't have a reason to go home. I had to do it. I had to keep her safe.

A week later, my passport, my mom's file, and some money were delivered to me. I picked a destination because of its name. Belize. Beautiful country. New start. It would be paradise. I would never want to leave.

* * * * * *

**December 25th **

I was alone on Christmas. Again. This was a replay of every year. Me drinking. Fate laughing in my face. This year was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be with Bella. I wasn't, and it was my own fault. I was a fuck up. A useless piece of shit. I would never get what I wanted. Ever.

I sat in a chair on my balcony and looked out over the ocean. Paradise was my perfect hell. My view was expansive and awe inspiring. I barely noticed. My food was prepared by a personal chef. It all tasted the same. The women were gorgeous and plentiful. My dick didn't care.

I wanted to call Bella, but I couldn't. She deserved a better night than putting up with some drunk that was mad for her. Besides, I would just make myself sound like an ass. I didn't need any help in that regard.

_Think of something else. _I went inside and turned on the television. Bad idea. Images of a life I would never have.

Christmas lights decorated houses along a street in some picture-perfect town. The flashing lights and the other decorations made me feel worse. Families were in those houses. Laughing. Hugging. Enjoying their time together.

I used to dream about having my own family. Bella would make a great mom. Patient. Reliable. Forgiving. Attentive. Perfect. She would make up for all my failings.

My dreams were now nightmares. I avoided sleeping as long as I could, but my eyes always closed and the images started. Bella hurting. Car accidents. Plane crashes. Getting sick. Crying.

I had no clue how she was. Demetri was still refusing to watch her. I could have hired someone else, but I didn't trust them. I wanted to know something, but I never picked up the phone.

For the last month, days bled into the next. I worked out all the time, pushing myself harder than ever. It ate up my time and kept me from doing stupid shit. Jogging. Swimming. Weights. Boxing.

Clarity came when I was sore and tired. I could see the error of my ways and formulate a plan to get on the right path. Tonight, my head was clearer than it had been in years. I should have stayed. I wasn't my dad. I knew that now. I was me, and I would never hurt my girl. Ever.

A smart part of me knew that wasn't a guarantee. There had to be a way to fix what was wrong with me. I wanted to be better for her, and I would try anything to make that happen.

Try? What a joke. I was trying alright. Trying to see how much of this bottle I could drink before I died.

_Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. _

What if the doctor was right? Could the pills help? Could I have a chance at normalcy? If I did get right, would Bella even consider taking me back? If she did, how long would it be before I screwed up again? Did I even have a chance at making her happy?

So much of my past was a blur of paranoia, fear, and obsession. It was all wrapped up in people leaving me. Bella did. My mom did.

Mother. Texas. My sister.

I dug the file out from the bottom of a drawer. I had to see her. I had to know why she left me. If I did, it would fix one of my biggest problems. If I fixed enough of them, maybe there was a chance I could have what I wanted.

What I wanted was obvious. Her. The girl that saw through all my bullshit and still loved the beast within. I didn't know if I could repair the damage I caused, but I was optimistic. She had always forgiven me before. If I was lucky, she would do it again.

It would take time, and I would show all the patience in the world. What she wanted and needed were priority one. If I could do that, we might have a chance.

* * * * * *

**December 28th **

Back in Texas. I was finally home.

I made arrangements with the doctor and would see him when I got back to town. We agreed on twice weekly sessions, and he wanted to reevaluate me before putting me on meds. Tests or some bullshit. I didn't care. I just wanted to fix this once and for all.

My plans were all set. I was going to go to Bella before I saw my friends. She needed to know how sorry I was, and that I would never leave again. I wanted her to know that I was going to do everything I could to get her back. There was no guarantee she would even want to see me, but I was damn sure going to try.

Before all that, I wanted to clear up one last ghost, my mom. My ghost hunting brought me to a park in Round Rock, Texas. According to Demetri's report, my mom brought my sister here everyday.

Of course, it was now December, and this shit was from months ago. If she showed, it would be a miracle. The weather was nice, but it was still cool outside. A few kids were playing but none resembled my sister. I sat and watched them for awhile. They were funny.

Kids. Damn. I wanted kids. Before I met my girl, I hated kids. Now, I wanted three. No girls. That shit would not work. Dating. Boys. Phsst. Murder.

A flash of pink. Charlotte. I looked at the picture in my hands. Yep. That was her.

No air. My lungs stopped working. My mom was here. I didn't know where, but she was here.

I ran out of that fucking park and didn't look back. Coward.

My second try happened the next day. Same park. Same bench. It was warmer today. More kids were out.

_Don't run. _My feet were tapping restlessly. I couldn't do this alone. Not a chance. I would go back to Bella and ask her to do this with me. Even if she hated me, she would still do it. She was good like that.

I stood up, took two steps, and someone ran into me. I turned to apologize and saw green eyes. She left out the blue contacts she was wearing in the pictures I had. The hair was still red and hung to her waist.

"Jasper?" my mother asked with a shaky voice.

I was fourteen again and hollow from the loss of someone abandoning me. It made me pissy. "Yeah, it's me."

My mom smiled like she loved me and was happy to see me. She started to hug me, and I put my hands up. "Don't."

Rejection. She felt it. Good. _Hurts like a bitch, doesn't it?_

I sat back down on the bench and waited for her to join me. She would. While I waited, I turned everything inside of me off. It was like flipping a switch. I was good at it. There was only one switch that ever refused to budge. It was gold plated and held the greater part of my heart.

My mother sat, and together we watched my sister run around and play with a big group of kids. She was a cute little thing. She was also bossy as all hell. I was reminded of Alice.

Charlotte was happy. She was loved. She wasn't me. My throat tightened up painfully. How was this fair? She smiled easy and laughed freely. There was a light behind her eyes that I never had. Why was she loved when I wasn't? What did I do that was so wrong?

"I came here to ask why you left, but I don't think I care anymore. What I want to know is why she's so fucking happy and I'm not. Why do you love her when you never loved me?"

No denials. No pause. "You look like your father."

What the hell was I supposed to say to that?

My mom was quick to try to fix some of the damage. "I do love you. It's just hard."

Hard was seeing what could have been and knowing it wasn't because the people in my life hated me. She claimed to love me, but she sure had a fucked up way of showing it.

I was done here. If I never saw this woman again, I would be a happier person. I stood up. "Have a good life."

She grabbed one of my arms. "Jasper, don't go. I want you to meet your sister. I think you'll understand everything if you just meet her."

Fuck that. I saw the girl. What else was there to understand?

"Charlotte," my mother called out. "Come here, sweetie."

The little girl impatiently glanced over at us. Her eyes widened when she saw me. She separated from the group and slowly made her way over to where we were. Her steps were hesitant but grew more confident the closer she got.

Charlotte didn't come to a stop until she was hugging my legs. Small child. Hugging. Grimy hands. She looked up at me with her sweet, little eyes and smiled. I was lost. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I settled for patting her on the head like a dog.

_Good puppy. Don't bite._

"Do you know who this is?" my mom asked in a gentle voice.

Pigtails bobbed up and down with the motion of her head. "My big brother."

Well, shit. How did she know that? I never dreamed my mom told her anything. And damn if that little face wasn't cute as all hell. I didn't want to like her, but I did. It was annoying.

She tested my name on her lips. "Jasper."

Her face scrunched up like she was confused. Or maybe she smelled something funny. I didn't know. She was a kid. Who knew what went through their heads?

Charlotte let me go and backed up. She started looking around and appeared to be getting upset. Finally, she said something. "Why didn't you bring my daddy?"

I didn't even know her daddy.

She started fidgeting nervously. "He told me things about you. He doesn't like you very much."

_What the fuck? _

My mom interrupted. "Charlotte, your friends are waiting for you. You should go play."

I watched the girl run off and join her friends. Her pigtails were flying behind her, and it hit me that her hair was several shades lighter than mine. My dad had dark hair. I inherited my mom's golden hair. Charlotte's was pale like Carlisle's.

_Carlisle. _

Not possible. He was a good man. Hell, he was the best man I knew. I had to leave. My fucked up brain was telling me shit that couldn't be true.

_* * * * * *_

**December 30th **

For hours, I sat alone in a dark hotel room piecing together the last six and a half years. When did I start to go wrong? What moment in my life broke me into pieces? After being patched back together, I became an empty shell that hated the world and only wanted to punish it. When did the break happen?

I kept going back to the morning my mother left. I woke up looking forward to the day. I was going to help her make breakfast. We would laugh together when Rose pouted about having to clean the kitchen, but then, I would help her because I always helped Rose. It was what I did. The day was going to be good. All three of us would have found something to do together that was different or special. It didn't happen.

I found the note. I searched the house. I called out for my mom. She was gone.

Lies. It was all lies. She pretended she loved me. She pretended she was okay again. That last good day was a twisted gift to me before shattering my world.

If Carlisle was Charlotte's dad, which was the only thing that made sense, he was in contact with my mom all these years. He knew where she was and never told me. Did Esme know? Did Edward? Did anyone else?

Before I jumped to conclusions, I had to know for sure what was going on. I went back to the park. No little sister today. My mom showed up by herself.

She held her hand out and dropped a ring into mine. It was my grandfather's and had been missing since before he died. We always assumed my mom took it, but we were never sure. I never really cared, but my grandmother had been livid about it.

The ring didn't matter. I was here for something else. "Is Carlisle the girl's father?"

She spilled out the whole story. I got the confirmation I didn't want, and it burned in my gut. Faithless, fucking liar. He played the family man and all the while he was putting it to my mom. She wasn't good enough for him to help her get away from my dad, but she was good enough to fuck.

This was a man with everything. Loving family. Successful career. The respect of his peers. My mom had none of that when he moved in on her. She was weak and vulnerable, and he took advantage.

Carlisle also had front row seats to the worst moments of my life and at no time did he ever intervene to help me. My mom said it was to protect Charlotte and her from my dad. The girl came first because she had a chance at a happy life. I was already too damaged in their eyes for anything to make a difference. My mom said she argued against it, but Carlisle won.

It was all crap. The truth was simpler. Mom didn't take Rosalie and me because my grandmother would have moved hell and earth to find us. The only chance she had to escape was if she left us behind, and she did, without even looking back.

Carlisle cost me my family, part of my sanity, and any chance of a normal life. All that time, I respected the man and tried to make him see some change in me. He threw it all back in my face. Nothing was ever good enough, and it all came down to hate. He hated my father, and since he was too much of a pussy to go after my dad, he took it all out on me. He had to pay for that and everything else he did.

My mom started talking again. Stupid question. "How have you been? Carlisle tells me these awful stories, but I don't want to believe them."

Was she really that damn dumb? "Carlisle is a paragon of all that is decent and honest. Knocking up other men's wives and then helping them abandon their children makes him a fucking saint. Why shouldn't you believe him?"

Red cheeks. Shame. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh, I get it. You tripped and fell on his dick. He was only naked because he donated the clothes off his back to some homeless guy."

"Don't talk to me that way. I'm your mother."

No, she wasn't. "You are not _my_ mother, but you are Charlotte's. At least you did right by one of your kids. I guess I was just the disposable one."

I stood up and started to leave, but I had one last question. "Did you tell him you saw me?"

"No, I tried calling, but he didn't answer."

Good. "You'll keep your mouth shut. You never saw me, and I don't know where you are. If I find out you said anything, I'll let my dad know where his wife is. I'm sure he's missed you."

Fear. She believed me. How sad was that? I hated her, but I also loved her. There was no part of me that ever wanted my mother to hurt again. She had her new life, and after the punishment she suffered for years, she deserved some happiness.

Tears. I almost felt bad. "We were right to leave you, Jasper. You're just like my father. There is nothing good in you."

Not after you killed it. I slipped on my grandfather's ring and smiled at the perfect fit. "I think you're right. I am like him."

The war was over, and the voices in my head could finally shut up. I picked a side.

_* * * * * *_

**December 31st **

Demetri met me in a small town about twenty minutes outside Sterling. He wasn't happy. "If you're here to get back with Bella, I'll kick your ass myself. You've done enough to her, Jasper. Let her go."

Her name made my heart stutter. It pissed me off. "Don't talk about her. That shit is done. I don't want her anymore."

It was a lie. The biggest lie I would ever tell. I would never stop wanting her, but I knew I couldn't have her. It was too late. She would never love me again after what I was planning. So, I gave up. It was smarter this way. We wouldn't hurt each other anymore, and she could move on and find a better man. Letting go was the best thing I could do for her, and Bella deserved the best.

"What the hell do you want then?" he asked.

"Carlisle Cullen. I want you to find out everything you can. I want his shoe size. The name of his last mistress. What he does on weekends. Everything. While you're working on him, get your boys to do the same for the rest of the family, including Emmett Swan."

Demetri lit a cigarette and sat for a minute considering my request. Hell, it wasn't even a request. He was going to do it.

"What about Bella? She's part of the family."

I needed to make this point clear. "She is not part of that family. Bella is better and stronger than all of them. And don't say her name again."

Demetri was more of a friend than an employee. He kept me from crossing certain lines, and I paid him well for doing it. A year ago when his wife was diagnosed with cancer, I took care of her bills. I got her the best doctors. It was the least I could do. Demetri was almost family, in a sick, twisted way.

Because of our history, he knew me well enough to know something was wrong. "What are you planning?"

"It depends on what you find out."

"Bullshit. The details don't matter because the end will be the same. You wanna wreck them, don't you?"

More than I ever wanted anything in this world. More than Bella. More than a good life. I wanted to rip Carlisle's head off and paint his living room with the blood. The rest of them could watch.

Demetri loyalty started to falter. "I don't think I can do this job for you."

He could, and he would. "Did you know Carlisle is my sister's father?"

Confusion. He didn't know. "No, that's not even possible. She was born a year after Vivian left. The dates don't add up."

"See here's the thing. We always wondered where she was. I never once thought about how she disappeared so well. She didn't have money. My dad controlled it all, and my grandmother wouldn't have helped her. How did this woman, with no money, find a new life and pay for a new identity?"

The hamster in his head starting running on that wheel. "Carlisle?"

I leaned back in my seat. "Yep. He planned and paid for everything. And the kid wasn't born a year after my mom left. She just turned six a week ago. My mom was pregnant when she left."

"Wait. He knew where she was all this time and never told you. Did Esme know? What about Edward?"

"Esme knew, but I don't think she knows about the girl. I'm not sure about Edward, but I know Emmett found out in the last year."

Demetri was getting on board just like I knew he would. "If Carlisle cheated once, he's probably done it again. The others will be more difficult. Esme never puts so much as a toe out of line. Emmett and Edward are the same way."

"Find something. I don't care what it is."

He stubbed out his cigarette. "How far do you wanna take this?"

"As far as I can."

"She'll hate you," he warned. "Are you sure you want this more than you want her?"

Part of me was doing this because of Bella. How much of our relationship was fucked up because of issues brought on by outside influences? My fears and insecurities were a direct result of Carlisle Cullen's interference. Had it not been for him, I might have had a chance. He could have told me about my mom. He could have helped me contact her. Instead, he watched from a distance while I walked into the shadows.

I no longer believed there was any chance for Bella and me. Too much hate in my heart. She deserved a better man. I would ruin her world and crush her heart. It was in my blood. How could I ever hope to fight against that? I could try, but she was too important to risk.

I would keep Bella safe in my heart. She would be the one bright, honest piece of me, and I would watch from afar while she led her life.

Demetri tapped the table. "Jasper, do you want this more than you want her?"

I didn't just want this. "I need this."

* * *

**Author's Note: Jasper has taken a bashing here lately based on what people read in Bella's POV. Does this chapter in any way change your feelings about him? The information about Carlisle definitely changed Jasper's feelings on a few people.  
**

**This was the first of two Jasper POVs. The next will cover his return to town. The last scene from Ch. 30 will definitely be replayed. It is a little different from his perspective.  
**

**Thanks again for the great reviews. I love how people's feelings on the characters have evolved through the story. I think every character has been loved and hated at some point, which is understandable.  
**

**Anyway, I hope you all got your replies and the excerpt. The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday.  
**


	32. Chapter 32

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 32 - Best Intentions

**Jasper POV**

**January 4th**

Bella was hurt.

I watched her at the mall for a few minutes. It was an accident seeing her here. I came to see a movie, hoping to kill some time. A simple, fucking movie. That was all. I didn't see it. I saw her.

She was the first flowers in spring. Color and light. Sunshine and warmth. I watched her with jaded eyes and still only saw beauty.

A call to Demetri sent him on a search to explain why she was damaged. I got the call back within ten minutes. Car accident. There was a three-week old write up in the paper about it. Some stupid drunk with a suspended license.

Looking back, I realized that this was the day when my plans started to fall apart. It was easy to stay cold and detached when the life you were giving up wasn't right in front of you. Parts of me I thought had shriveled up and died sprang back to life when she smiled. A laugh had my heart jumping like a rabbit.

_No. It's a lie. _

Weak. This girl led me around on a collar and a leash. She owned me.

I ran again, fast and furious away from the girl that could make me feel hope. I didn't want to feel it. I knew I would just fail again. I always did.

This brought me to the laundry room in my house on the hill. I was sitting on the floor, counting my cereal, and so drunk I kept losing the numbers. Pathetic.

* * * * * *

**January 7th **

For three years, my heart beat to a rhythm dictated by my girl. The air in my lungs, the blood in my veins, and the thoughts in my head belonged exclusively to her. Nine days ago, I took all that back and wrapped it around hate and anger. The love inside me was barely a whisper. There was no room for it all to coexist.

This rendered my judgment even more questionable than usual. I could justify anything if I thought it was necessary to my plans. For example, last night I broke Bella's heart, but it was really about protecting her. Stupid plan. Fucking idiot of a man. That was me.

I broke into her house, scared the shit out of her, and told her I wasn't here for her. I thought it was right at the time. I didn't want her seeing me for the first time around everyone else. I didn't want her thinking I came back for her. It was about being honest. And I needed information.

What was I walking into? Did Emmett want to come after me? How pissed was everyone?

I never thought she would be the one I should worry about. Bella hit me with a bat. It hurt. I deserved it, and I loved every second of it. An angry Bella was a stronger Bella. This girl could survive anything. I was proud of her.

-

I wished she was with me today. It was one annoying meeting after another. I went to my first visit with the doctor. I didn't have to go, but I was doing it anyway. I had no answers for why I went. The reasons for my visit were squarely in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. I didn't know what they were, and solving the mystery would be impossible.

Before I left, I asked him for a note to show I had been there. A note for my teacher? An excuse? Proof? I didn't know, but I asked for one anyway. There had to be some little piece of my head that was working with a different spark because this was the only anomaly in my plans. Therapy without Bella as the reward was pointless.

What was I doing now? Getting dressed for a business meeting I had to attend. My new attitude required me to take this shit serious. I bit the bullet and had my hair cut earlier in the day. It went along nicely with my suit. I felt like it was Halloween. It sucked.

A two hour session. A new me.

For the first time, I was present and actually contributing. They asked my opinion on a variety of decisions. I told them what I thought. Murmurs. Shock. They all thought I was some playboy kid that spent money they made for me. I couldn't possibly have a brain. They didn't know I read the reports they sent me. Only an idiot wouldn't. Did I understand everything? No, but I asked questions and did research.

After the meeting, it was picture time. January was National Blood Donor Month, and we were making a large donation to the Red Cross and sponsoring a blood drive. They took my picture. I donated my blood. I realized a flaw in my plans.

The picture would be in the papers tomorrow. Not good. My friends might see I was back. With that in mind, I decided tonight was as good a time as any to say hello. I took off my tie and considered going home and changing. I looked like a corporate dick.

Meh. What did I care what they thought?

My concerns were all about Bella. Did she let them know I was back? If she did, it would tell me everything I needed to know about how she really felt. I wanted her to tell them. I would know for sure it was over if she did.

I knocked on the door.

She didn't tell.

They talked. I stared at her. Honest. Loyal. Stubborn. Beautiful Bella.

I had thought this would be hard for me. Seeing Emmett did piss me off, but having my girl close at hand made the anger seem more like an annoyance. I barely noticed the big guy.

What I did notice was how close Bella was sitting to the son of the man I hated. Edward was always trying to be a chip off the old, adoptive block. Fucking pussy. I should suggest he develop his own personality, but he wouldn't get it.

_I'm Edward Cullen. I save kittens and kiss other people's girlfriends. In ten years, I'll volunteer at clinics and fuck other men's wives. _

A good friend would kick his ass and show him what a punk he was. I could be that friend. The only problem was the woman next to him. She would get mad.

_Bella. _

Her hair was in a messy ponytail. It was sexy as all hell. She kept reaching up and brushing a few rogue tendrils out of her face. Usually, I did that for her. It was one of my favorite things. Hell, just being close to her was my favorite thing.

It was funny what a person missed about someone when they weren't around. More than anything for me it was sound. Her saying my name. The way she sung along with a song. Those sweet yawns at the end of the day. Her crazy laugh. I could listen to her all day.

Looking at her wasn't bad either. Her skin had always been beautiful, but there was a rosy tint to it now. That trail of freckles across her nose was darker. It had to be the lighting in here, or I was paying closer attention than usual.

_Funny._

When did I not pay close attention? I knew she had flexed the fingers of her left hand four times in the last hour. The cast was bothering her. I also knew she was wearing a pair of my old sweatpants. The paint splatters gave it away.

I bet her little friend, Edward, didn't know she was wearing my clothes. She probably even smelled like me. I knew from the night before that she was using my soap and shampoo. Everything about her said she was mine. How could he not see it?

The talking stopped. Emmett asked how long I was staying around. Until tonight, the plan called for six weeks. The last hour changed that. I wasn't sure it was enough time. Forty-two days before leaving her was just insane. I didn't think I could do it.

So much faded away when I was near her. The need for revenge was gone. My anger went with it. In their place, hope was back, and love was welling up inside me. I could be good if I just wanted to. I could be with her if she would by some miracle take me back.

Carlisle had already screwed up my life enough. Getting back at him would ruin it completely. Was he worth it? I was starting to think he wasn't. Revenge against him would never be anywhere near as meaningful to me as Bella. With her, I could find the happiness I had been denied for so long. With her, I could find peace.

_There is no peace for you. Let her go. You can't make her happy._

I cleared my throat. How long was I going to be here? "I haven't decided. Enough about me though, how has everyone been?"

Answers from everyone but Bella and Edward. I noted that no one asked how I was or where I had been. They never did. I was just that guy they liked having around in case they needed something. They didn't even see how much I did for them.

Emmett was at this school because I brought him here. Laurent had a job because I got it for him. Alice had a family because I created one for her. Rosalie enjoyed an easy life because I provided for her. Edward wasn't dead because I created rules for him about his drinking. All of this was just a tiny fraction of what I did for these people.

What did they ever do for me? I asked after them; they didn't return the interest. I looked out for them; they never noticed. I wasn't always this bitter and unhappy. It started when I realized that no one saw beyond their needs and realized that I might need something, too. They gave me nothing but shit I didn't need.

Bella gave me everything, and I was so desperate for what she offered that I sucked her dry. I absorbed all of her love and never felt like I gave enough in return. She was also the one I punished the most, and it was because I knew she would always forgive me. She knew I needed to lash out, and she let me. Even when my anger wasn't at her, she would allow me to vent and rage. She was generous with her love and understanding in ways these other people would never be.

There were fools out there that would call her weak. They would think she lacked a backbone to stand up for herself. What they didn't know was that anyone else would have shattered under the pressure I put on them. She didn't.

Most women would let me do what I wanted. She challenged me to be better. She argued with me when I was wrong and yelled at me when I deserved it. Should she have given up on me a long time ago? Probably. But it wasn't weakness that kept her here. It was that sick, stubborn streak she had and that need for a challenge of her own. I pushed her to feel. I changed her vision of truth and honesty. If I tried to cage her up, she broke down the door and told me to go to hell.

Did she have her moments of weakness? Of course, she did. Didn't we all? But at the end of the day, her balance sheet was in the black, and most of the rest of us were in the red.

Case in point. My girl snapped at me like a turtle when I asked how she had been. I riled her some more by being arrogant and expecting an answer. It was fun. I loved seeing that spark in her come to life.

Of course, the jackass had to talk. Edward. "It's really none of your business how she's doing."

What was it with the Cullen men that they always went after what wasn't theirs? She didn't want him. He had no chance.

I should have let it go, but that whole thing about being the bigger man didn't fit me. I was a tiny soul in a big body. "We never finished our conversation from a few months ago, Cullen. Should we do that now?"

The puppy barked. Then, he put his paw on my girl's thigh and stroked it. As shitty as that was, the worst part was that she didn't stop him nor was she bothered by it. How many times had his hands rested on parts of her that belonged to me? How long did it take before she grew accustomed to it?

Well, she needed to get unfucking used to it because he couldn't have her. After what his family did to me, Edward was not going to get to have the family I wanted with Bella. He was not going to live my dreams. No way. I would never let it happen. She could be with anyone but him.

"Bella, let's go outside for a minute."

The night changed. Rose was holding something over my girl's head. Usually, I would have waited and said something away from everyone else. It was a rule we had. We kept our shit quiet. I threw the rulebook out the window. I had two reasons. One was Bella. No one forced my girl to do anything. Two was more complicated. I could check the lay of the land by chastising her openly. I did and what I learned was surprising.

Rosalie and Emmett were having problems, and it was all about Bella. I gave them another twenty-four hours before they were done. I couldn't say it made me too damn sad. Big brother was as culpable as Esme in this mess that was my life.

Alice stayed quiet. To read her, you followed her eyes. She always looked to the person she was most loyal to. This was usually me. I didn't even get a glance. Short Stack was all about Bella. How the hell did that happen?

To her left was Laurent. He gripped Alice's hand and leaned back. It was typical for him. He didn't like the crap games we played and was hoping to remove himself from the whole thing. He was also worried that Alice was going to suit up and play.

Edward was quiet. Not a surprise. He was the secret. Bella didn't want me knowing how close they were, which was just stupid. I could tell by looking at them that they weren't together. He was trying, but she was holding back. It was typical Bella.

I followed her downstairs. Security system. That was new. It also sucked. No keys or codes for me. I was a bad boy.

Her apartment was a shit hole. The ceiling was too low. There weren't enough windows. I didn't like it the night before, and I really didn't like it now. I liked it less when I found a picture of her with Edward. Fucker.

I handed it to her. "You can be with anyone but him. Hell, go fuck your brother, but Edward doesn't get to have you. I won't let him."

Bella stated a very true point. "You get no say in what I do."

No, I didn't get any say, but it didn't stop me from trying. And she needed the truth. If Edward touched her, I wouldn't let it go. "You can do what you want, but don't think there won't be consequences."

Poor girl. I wanted her. I didn't. I wanted her. I didn't. Her head was probably spinning from the contradictions.

"Do you flip a coin to decide which personality gets to be in charge?" she asked. "Because your mind is broken. I don't even think _you_ know who you are anymore."

I knew exactly who I was. People saw crazy. I didn't care. I wasn't even switching between personalities. I was only stating a simple fact. Edward couldn't have her. End of subject.

Shit got ugly for a second. Bella started talking out of her ass. "My life hasn't been a picnic either, but I wake up, put on a fake smile, and deal with it the best I can. We can only blame our parents for so long before we own who we are and who we want to be. I do that. You don't."

Did she not know that the reason she put up with me was because of her dad? She needed love and would take whatever I dealt out as long as the love followed. I threw her father in her face, and she responded by throwing my mom in mine.

"And you're just some scared kid whose bitch of a mother abandoned you, and now, you think everyone else will, too. Own that."

It was mistake on her part. Poor girl. The anger I felt wasn't even directed at her. It was Carlisle. "You don't know shit about my mother, so keep your mouth shut."

Every time I thought about the man, I wanted to commit murder. Bella saw the need I had to hurt someone and thought it was directed at her.

_No. Never you. Always someone else._

She should have been scared, but she wasn't. Defiant. My girl was daring me to hit her. She was daring me to prove that I was the person everyone said I was. After everything I did to break her down, this girl still needed terrible proof that I wasn't the person she saw.

How was it possible that she loved me and believed in me that much? And how did I ever think I could leave her behind? Bella was the one good part of me. For years, she was the sun in my life. She was always high in the sky fighting to keep the shadows at bay. She was my strength.

This was what broke me. Fuck Carlisle and his lies. Nothing was worth losing my girl. I wasn't giving up. I was going to apologize and beg on my knees if it was what I needed to do to get her back.

"God, I've missed you. Every place I went, I saw your face and heard your voice. It doesn't matter how far I run, Bella. You chase me everywhere."

_Tears. Shit. _

I hugged her close and starting apologizing. I knew words couldn't fix this. Actions would. I had to prove to her that I could be better and would never leave again, but neither would happen unless she gave me the chance.

"I've needed you so bad, and you weren't here for me," she sobbed. "I didn't know if you were ever coming back. How could you do that to me? I didn't know if you were okay. I was so scared that something bad happened to you."

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm an asshole. _"I'm here now. It's going to be okay."

Bella shoved me back from her. "No, it won't be okay. You don't even know how not okay everything is."

I could fix anything. I always could. It was what I did. "I can fix whatever is wrong. You know that."

"Not everything can be fixed, Jasper."

Something was wrong with her. She looked sick or something. Her face was redder than it should be and her breathing was heavy. What the hell did I do? I didn't know if she was going to collapse or what. I moved closer in case she did. Not good. She didn't want me anywhere near her.

Yelling. Bella was yelling. "Look at me. I'm broken, and you did that. You. I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of you hurting me."

She got a nose bleed. A bad one. Damn. Could this get worse? Yes, it could. Because I was one dumb, unobservant, selfish ass.

I was standing behind her in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do. I was so scared of screwing up again, and I tried to stay quiet hoping it was what she wanted.

That lasted until I realized she had to be sick. Was this what I couldn't fix? Was she ill? Was that the real secret? I knew her medical history. This was not something that ever happened. Ever.

"Have you been sick or something?"

If she was, we would go anywhere to get this right. Doctors. Treatment. Anything. I didn't give a shit how much it cost or even if she wanted to go. I would kidnap her if it was necessary for her to get well.

_Don't be paranoid. It's nothing. Just a nose bleed._

_What if it isn't? What is she not telling you? _

I reached a hand up just so I could touch her. It would calm the fear in my heart.

Different. She had gained some weight, but this wasn't like that. I moved my hand up and my confusion grew. She wasn't fat. She was sort of a little – I don't know – firmer but not, and she was definitely rounder. It was almost like she was … pregnant.

Bella took a tiny step away from me. I brought her right back.

I looked in her eyes and saw the truth. My attention went right back to the changes in her. Holy Hell. What did this mean? A thousand different thoughts and emotions hit me at once. I couldn't even keep up with it all.

Her. Me. Daddy. Damn. A heater turned on inside me and warmed my whole body. This was the happiest day of my life.

Worry. What if all the stress I put her under hurt her or the baby?

_Baby. Bella's. Mine. Ours. Family. _

Joy. Something of ours. Laughter. Christmas with kids. A little Bella.

Fear. A little me. God no. That just wouldn't be fair. I'd kill the little shit.

Kill. Bella could have been killed in that wreck. What if it had killed our baby? What was that bastard's name, the one driving the car? Where did he live?

_No. No. No. She's fine. Look at her. She's more than fine. She's perfect._

Satisfaction. Finally, there was something concrete between us. A solid connection beyond the love and the craziness. I would never lose Bella now because she would never cut me out of our child's life. Even if we weren't together, I would have that connection.

_Not together?_ No. That wouldn't happen. She was mine. I was hers. This was ours. We could make this work. It was what I wanted more than anything.

My girl leaned back against me, and my hands went right where they were supposed to. Protecting her. Loving her. Our family. Our life. This was right.

I would change everything. All of my vices were going to have to go. No drinking. No fighting. No games. I would go to that fucking doctor every day if I had to. I would take a thousand pills. I would do anything to keep her with me.

_Carlisle._ Gone. I didn't care. I would keep thoughts of him far away from us. He was nothing. My world would be all about keeping Bella safe, happy, and feeling loved. If I kept her close, she could keep me in line. I would have to be so careful to make sure I never screwed up. I would need her to tell me if I did. She would have to be strong and stop me from doing the wrong things.

I finally spoke and all my thoughts twisted up together into a big, load of crap. "This changes everything, Bella. Now, I have to keep you."

What the hell did I just say? My thoughts came out in a mess. Words. All of them were right, but they broke apart and came back together to form the most fucked up sentences imaginable.

_This changes everything. _No, _this_ was everything. _She _was everything.

_I have to keep you. _She wasn't a puppy.

I wanted to fix it. I wanted to say a thousand words to make the others go away.

_Wait. No._ What if it happens again? THINK. Say something good.

_This is a gift. _No, that sounded stupid.

_Thank you. _Pathetic.

_I'll be here for you. _She knew that.

No, she didn't know that, and the next several minutes were ugly. She yelled at me, and I deserved every word. The rest of the house came down. Emmett wanted to beat my ass. I wished he would.

So much was wrong, and I had no answers on what to do. Why the fuck couldn't I have seen this? I noticed everything about her. Why today of all days did I add up two plus two and come up with one. I even had my own mother's symptoms to compare with Bella's.

Stupid. Distracted. Idiot.

My crimes in life were many, but I had never done anything near as bad as this. I abandoned her when she needed me most. I threatened her. I almost hurt her. I drained her emotionally and physically. Everyone was right about me. I was a monster.

Bella was getting more and more upset by the minute. I knew I could calm her down if she just gave me the chance, but with them here, I wouldn't get the opportunity. She immediately latched on to the people that were her security blanket for the last two months. If they were what she needed, I would accept it. All that mattered was her.

So, I left. I think a part of me died when I walked away, but it was worth it if she calmed down.

* * * * * *

**January 8th **

After I left last night, Rosalie followed me, and I interrogated her for an hour. My biggest concern was Bella. I had to know everything about her and the baby. She answered all my questions and then left when I wouldn't talk about me.

The second Rose was out the door, I rang up Demetri. He swore he didn't know about Bella. On the days he watched her, she didn't go to the doctor, and in this last week, his attention was on the others. The news actually shook him up a little. He told me I couldn't go through with my plans, which was something I already figured out. I was giving it all up. She was the only person that mattered.

I spent the morning wishing the day would hurry up and move a little faster. I needed to see her. If we could have a conversation without crying or yelling, we might make some progress. I was going to see her at the bookstore. It was a public place.

My talk with my girl went well. I got her to smile. I apologized for being an ass. She listened to me, and I listened to her. It was good. Even her boss kicking me out of the store didn't bring down my good mood for longer than a second. I left like a good boy, and immediately went about with my other plans.

I had to call my lawyer about the paperwork I was having drawn up. All my shit had to change. If something happened to me, I needed to know Bella was taken care of. It would be a lot easier if she would just marry me, but I didn't see that happening for a while, if ever.

My afternoon was another waiting game. Esme's party was tonight, and I knew it would be a good test for me. I didn't know if I could be in the same room as Carlisle and not lose my temper. Tonight was a good night to try. Seeing him for the first time would be easier with Bella around. I could look at her and remember what was really important.

Esme welcomed me back with open arms. She, at least, had shown me some affection over the years. This helped, and I was mostly okay until I saw Carlisle. My plans were to keep quiet about what I knew. Bringing it up would just cause me to lose it. I couldn't do that. I had to stay in control.

_Deep breaths. You can do this. _

_Think of her. Think of the family you want._

Carlisle pulled me into his office. "Two months is a long time. Where have you been?"

I was good at hiding my emotions. Today, not so much. My right eye twitched. It was probably from the overwhelming need to see this man's blood. If I told him where I had been for the last week, he would have a coronary. The thought of seeing him die made me smile.

Big Daddy Bitch was not so smiley. "You find this amusing?"

_His throat. My hands. _"No," I said more to myself than him.

"Neither do I. Now, where were you?"

None of his business. "I was in Hawaii."

Carlisle leaned back in his chair and considered me carefully before starting up again. "All this time I held out some hope you would turn out to be a better man than your father, but you just had to follow in his footsteps."

Which had fuck all to do with the fiftieth state. I had to be a smart ass. "My dad hasn't been to Hawaii."

"Don't play dumb with me. It's a family tradition, isn't it? Trapping women in relationships using disreputable methods. Your father conned your mother into marrying him, and now you've tied Bella to you with a child. And let's not forget the stories about your grandfather."

Good play. It put me on the defensive. "That is not what happened."

"You're right. Unlike you, they stayed with the women they trapped. You abandoned Bella at a time when she needed you more than ever. At least, the other men in your family stayed around to take care of their responsibilities."

_Don't let him get to you. _"I didn't know she was pregnant. If I had, I would have stayed."

"I know school was never your strong suit, Jasper, but I find it hard to believe you can't count."

This fucker was just asking for an ass whoopin'. Bella and I were together for two months. I didn't have her monthly shit memorized, and if I did, I wouldn't discuss it with him.

My lack of a comment resulted in a test of my observational skills. "What color is her blouse?" Carlisle asked.

She wasn't wearing a blouse. Bella had on a nice little black number that showed off her legs and those lovely breasts I admired earlier in the day. "I have no idea."

"I stand corrected. I would have expected you to pay closer attention. She's wearing a V-neck, black sweater dress."

My hands gripped the arms of the chair. That sick smile on his face didn't say dad. It said my girl had nice tits and a sweet ass. Both of which _I_ knew, but _he_ shouldn't.

This had to be some sort of game he was playing. I became certain of it when he started honing in on the things he knew would piss me off. I came here with the best of intentions, and those intentions were slipping out of my grasp with each word out of his mouth.

"If you love her like you say you do, you'll leave. Let her have a normal life with a good husband."

My tongue slipped. "Someone like Edward?"

"Esme and I are looking forward to having Bella join our family officially. We've seen Edward and her grow closer over the last couple of months, and Bella sees that he is the smart choice. They love each other."

I closed my eyes and took deep, calming breaths. He didn't know what he was talking about.

Carlisle kept punching at me. "He's going with her to the next appointment. They're already looking for a house of their own."

Lies. It was all lies. I wouldn't believe any of it. All this man did was lie. More came.

"Do you even know if it's a boy or a girl? My son does."

_No, it's too early. Rose even said Bella doesn't know._

"This isn't your baby, Jasper. You're just the sperm donor."

_Not true._

"Edward already loves this child."

I lost my temper. "Would you shut the fuck up? Bella doesn't love him."

More of that self-satisfied smile. My body was screaming at me to tear him apart. The justifications started in my head.

_Bella will understand. Carlisle doesn't need his arms. Teeth are optional, too. He deserves it. Look what he's done. _

_No. She won't understand. Arms are pretty important. Removing them is bloody. Teeth are not optional. He does deserve it, but you can't have what you want and what you need. Let it go._

I did let it go, but Carlisle wasn't about to do the same. He saw the anger and still hit at me.

"Did I strike a nerve, Jasper? Why would she not love him? He's dependable. They share the same sense of humor. I've seen them talk for hours and never even know anyone else is around. Anyone seeing them together knows that those two are the real deal."

I wasn't listening to this shit anymore. I stood up and headed for the door. More of the same crap followed me out the room.

"Face it, Jasper. She loves him, and in a year, they'll be a family. My son will raise your child, and Bella will be his forever. You're just a two month mistake she already regrets."

I had to find Bella. Right fucking now. I had to get out of this house. These people. The lies. The shit in my head.

She saw I was upset. Her concern agitated me even more. I couldn't have her crying again. She didn't need my drama and bullshit. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave, but if I ran off again, she might take it wrong.

_What the fuck do I do? _

Just being around her would calm me down. I needed this. "Let me drive you home tonight. We can go straight there. No detours. Just time for us together. I'll be good."

Bella heard the desperation. The fear returned to her eyes. _ No. No. No._ She turned down my request and offered to see me tomorrow.

_You're losing her. They'll never let you see her. Hold on to her. _"No, I need to talk to you tonight. It can't wait."

"Jasper, calm down. I know you're upset. Just stop for a second and try to relax."

She was right. I was losing control. I needed to focus.

_The baby. Bella. Our family. _

_No. If you leave, you lose them both. _

_Carlisle will get to her first. He'll tell her lies._

I begged again, but Bella only offered to talk to me in the kitchen. I couldn't talk here. Not with them here. Not with _him _here.

_Carlisle. _He was watching us. Fucking asshole. He did this on purpose. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't. I just needed her. Bella. I had to tell her the truth. I had to get it out. She would understand everything. I needed that. I needed someone to know. I needed her to tell me what to do.

More eyes. I felt them on me. The whole room was seeing me slip. Not good. They looked ready to pull Bella away from me and stomp me into the ground. Years of being on guard against my dad trained me well. I stiffened up and analyzed the biggest threat.

Emmett. He would take her away from me. My hands tightened into fists.

_Wait. What is that? _Bella's hand. No. Fuck. I hurt her again. Goddammit. I dropped her hand. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She said no. Her eyes matched the words. Thank God. "Will you really see me tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course, I will. Just go home, and calm down for me. You can even call me later if you like."

Call her tonight. I could do that. History told me I could convince her to see me if I talked to her on the phone. That was all I needed. I would come over after the call. Tell her my story. Listen to her thoughts, and let her love heal some of my shattered heart.

I smiled. "I can do that."

I was going to leave. I was going to make my escape just in time, and it would have all been fine. The asshole stepped up.

"Jasper, I want you to leave. You are not welcome here, and I believe I've made that more than clear to you."

The challenge in Carlisle's voice woke up a part of me I swore to control. It was brought on by the constant rejection. I was never welcome. I was always the one people like him and my father would step on and crush because I didn't matter.

Weak, stupid Jasper. I had no value. I was no one. Just that spot in the room people saw as a stain. No more. If he wanted me out of this house and away from Bella, he could do the job himself. I wasn't leaving.

_Don't say you want me out. Show me. _"You did make that clear."

Emmett knew from my previous exploits just how close to the edge I was getting. He came up to his sister's side. "He told you to leave. You should listen."

Honest, good Emmett. When my mother's story included a mention of him, I didn't believe her. Why would he keep it a secret? Days of thought left me with only one answer. He knew what I would do to Carlisle, and he was protecting him. Why wouldn't he? I was the bad guy that sent his sister running. Why would Emmett tell me anything when the consequences of doing so would wreck the people he loved?

I planned on ignoring him, but the dumb shit pushed Bella behind him. She almost tripped. "Watch what the fuck you're doing."

He told me I needed to leave again. Not happening. Bella would end up with stitches and a black eye around these assholes.

The Bear got smart. It had to happen eventually. "You're not seeing her tomorrow or ever again. I saw the way you looked at her when you thought you hurt her. What did you do to her before that you're so goddamn worried about it now?"

Now, that might get me killed. Distract him with sex. "I've done a lot to your sister. How much do you want to know?"

Laurent moved up next to the pissy brother. My cousin knew me well enough to see through my distraction. Like an idiot, I just gave him confirmation that I had done something to make Bella fear me. This made him one more person between me and what was mine.

Bella tried to calm the situation. "Jasper, I will see you tomorrow. Go home like I said. Please."

Sweet girl. She didn't even understand yet that they wouldn't let her. Laurent would whisper in Emmett's ear and plant some of that truth that would sink my world. "You're lying. You won't see me. They won't let you."

Esme pulled my girl further away from me. I was starting to see what this was. Carlisle set me up for this. He pushed my temper to the brink, and when he saw that I was going to leave, he tried one last time to get me to lose it in front of Bella.

I glanced over the different faces. Who else was in on it? Emmett? Esme? I knew Edward had to be. They were all liars.

"Don't listen to what they tell you. They're all liars," I shouted to Bella.

Rose said something to Bella that made her cry. If I didn't hate them all before, I did now. I was going to leave. I had to. Her getting upset was unacceptable. The plan evaporated when Edward came up behind Bella.

His hand moved down to my kid.

"_Do you even know if it's a boy or a girl? My son does."_

"_My son will raise your child, and Bella will be his forever."_

The last of my control left.

Red. I only saw red. "Edward. If you don't take your fucking hands off of her, I will cut your throat."

I meant it. He knew it. Bella did, too. I scared her, but it didn't matter. The blood on the floor would scare her more.

"Now," I roared.

He told her to go into the study and lock the door. Like that would keep her from me. Nothing would.

Rose stepped up and walked with Bella to the door. It hit me that there might be a door in that room that led outside. She could leave, and I wouldn't know where she went. I couldn't let that happen. What if Carlisle tried to make her disappear like my mom? I could find her, but I didn't know how long it would take.

"Don't leave me, Bella. Come here."

My not so loyal cousin told her not to. Well, fuck me. I was losing everyone. Everyone. I could lose all of them but the girl that was trying to flee from me.

"Bella, I won't let them keep us apart. You know that."

It was a threat. I didn't want to threaten my girl, but I had to. She needed to know that if she left there would be consequences. I would ruin all of them to get her back if that was what it took. Everyone would lose.

Carlisle finally saw that he had pushed me too far. He told Alice to call the police. It was the first smart thing any of them did. It changed my plans. I started thinking about my options.

I could get Bella back. It might take a few weeks, but she would cave if I applied the right pressure. I was more than willing to do that. Did it make me the bad guy? Yes, but I was always that. We all knew it.

But was that really how I wanted it to be? Did I want to force her to be with me? If I did, she wouldn't really be with me. She would be just like my mother. She would be stuck with someone she couldn't leave and would always fear. That wasn't a life. That was an existence in a prison I made for her.

It wasn't good enough for her or me. I wanted Bella to come to me on her own terms. If she did, it would truly be _our_ life. That was the future I wanted.

It was a nice dream, but it would never happen. They would spin lies and make her run from me. I was left with too few options and none of them were good.

I had to offer Alice and Rosalie an out. "Rose, are you sure you know which side you're on?"

She lowered her head. I lost her. She was gone. "I'm sorry." Her voice was a whisper.

Our friendship started with a cry and ended in a whisper. I loved my cousin, but we both knew that in the end I would let her burn if it saved Bella. I would let them all burn.

"Alice?" I asked.

"You should go." She was gone, too.

All alone. Again. I had finally lost everyone. It didn't hurt near so much as the feeling I got when I looked in Bella's eyes. Fear. Pain. Regret.

I was still hurting her. Always hurting her. Why couldn't I stop?

I was leaving. I didn't have a choice now. "Bella, remember who started this. It wasn't me."

I allowed myself fifteen steps to feel bad. On the sixteenth, I let the feelings fade. I had to keep my eyes on the prize. It was always going to be this way. Bella and I together couldn't coexist with them. We were better on our own. I would show her that. She would understand.

I left that house thinking I was alone, but I was wrong. Two people were on my side. I just didn't know it yet.

* * *

**Author's Note: Any ideas on who the two people are? My husband only got one right.  
**

**This chapter is dedicated to ****sjones5199. The banner and the blinkie turned out great. Thank you so much for making them. Anyone interested can find them on Last Love Found's Twilighted thread. The link is on my profile page.  
**

**I also want to say a special thank you to ****JessScript24**. **You and Stacey make this story so much more fun for me with the comments you leave.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing the last chapter, and I'm sorry for my lack of replies this time around. I'll try to do better this week. **

**The next chapter will be a return to Bella's POV and advance the story. ****It**** should be posted on Wednesday.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 33 - Choices

– "_We just lost him."_

If Jasper was lost, it was because they pushed him down a dark path and hoped he would lose his bearings.

"What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you not see that he needs us? Is there anyone here besides me that cares about him at all?"

Rosalie spoke up first. "You know we love him, but something is wrong, Bella. I've never seen him this bad."

He wasn't bad. He was hurting, and these people didn't care enough to help him. "You all think he's selfish and cruel, but he would never do to you what you just did to him."

The bitchy blond spoke again. "I didn't see you putting up too much of a fight to get back over to him. So don't blame us for what happened."

"Think for a minute. None of you would have let me near him. If I tried to get to him and you stopped me, what would he have done?"

Carlisle's infinite wisdom came next. "That's exactly the problem. He is violent. You being near him is unacceptable."

Heads nodded around the room.

I was not having this. "You people don't get to tell me what to do or who I can speak to. I'm tired of you thinking you have a say in my life."

And I wasn't done. "Is something wrong with him? Yes, but no one is asking him what it is. You all just jump to conclusions and make stupid assumptions because you're biased against him."

"He threatened Edward. What are we supposed to think?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't give a shit what you think or how you feel. Jasper was right. He didn't start this. You did."

"I expected better of you, Bella. You are clearly not thinking straight."

"Good. I'll take crooked any day of the week if it means I don't fall in line like everyone else."

They didn't care or even hear me. Their focus was entirely on reacting to what happened tonight instead of what might be the real problem. I listened to them formulate a plan for what was best for me. Carlisle wanted to get me out of town. His idea called for Edward to go with me. He wanted us to run off to some place where Jasper wouldn't find me.

It was a stupid plan. The two people central to it were the only ones not saying anything. I looked over at Edward and saw my own thoughts reflected back at me. He didn't like their plan.

Rosalie and Alice didn't like it either, but they agreed that Jasper had to be kept far away from me. The men in the room were debating the finer points of the plan. Esme was staying quiet.

I listened to them bouncing ideas off each other, and I felt completely detached from all of it. Edward and I were on our own little planet.

"We can't do this," he whispered down to me.

"I know. If they think Jasper is unhinged now, think what would happen if I disappeared."

He glanced around making sure no one was listening to us. "If I say something you don't like, just remember I don't mean it."

If there was anyone in this room I trusted now, it was Edward. He was like Jasper in that he knew when to stay quiet and when he had to speak. "I trust you."

He spoke up loud and clear so everyone could hear over the arguing. "Dad, what did you say to Jasper when you were in the office together?"

Good question. The noise went down. Carlisle told his half of the story. "It wasn't anything he didn't need to hear. I gave him the name of a doctor and encouraged him to make an appointment. He exhibits symptoms that concern me. I also reminded him that he is going to be a father and with that comes certain responsibilities."

Liar. He didn't know Jasper and I had already discussed that very thing. If anything, Jasper would have agreed with the man. He wouldn't have walked out of that room looking sick.

"What did he say when you suggested the doctor?" I asked.

"He threw the card at me and insisted there was nothing wrong."

Again I looked at Edward. I could tell he was still with me and didn't believe a word out of his father's mouth. The benefit of existing in this crowd was that if you really paid attention you could detect bullshit from a mile away. Unlike most of the room, my smell detector was on high and this room stunk.

The odd thing was that I actually understood why these people failed to recognize what was right in front of them. This was a group of people that completely lacked a solid parenting foundation. Because of this, they clung to any show of love and support they could get. Carlisle and Esme offered that in spades. They just didn't offer it to everyone, and this is what pissed me off.

If Jasper was still here, he probably would have preferred that I keep my suspicions quiet, but I was tired of all the pretending.

"We talked about him going to a doctor. There is no way he would have gotten that angry over something he already agreed to do."

This was where I expected people to see the light. There was no such luck. If anything, the bulb broke, and the shadows grew darker.

Carlisle stuck to his guns. "This behavior is a pattern with him. We've all witnessed it at one time or another."

I expected Rosalie to defend her cousin. She didn't. "Bella, he's right. Jasper did something similar when I talked to him about going to rehab. He agreed to go but lashed out hours later."

Alice added her own thoughts. "And even if he tells you he'll go, it doesn't mean he really will. He'll say anything to get what he wants. We all know it."

More was said between the people in the room. It was more of the same crap. Bella should do this. Bella should do that. Bella had to leave. I argued, but it wasn't doing any good.

These were the same people that thought Jasper controlled my life when I was with him. What none of them understood was that he listened to me. We had our problems, but when I spoke, he heard me. They didn't hear me at all.

I tried shouting, and this time it worked. "There is no way I'm leaving like that."

"And maybe it's time we stop letting you make those decisions," Emmett spit out coldly.

It was a punch to the gut. "How can you say that?"

"I can say it because I'm tired of watching you take everything he dishes out. All of us watched you die inside for the last two months. I will not let that happen again. And don't think for a minute that I believe he hasn't hurt you physically, too."

"You don't understand."

"That is what every girl in your position says. No one understands. He's a good guy. I love him. Well, I say fuck that. If he loved you, he wouldn't treat you like he does."

No. It wasn't like that. "He has never hurt me."

Emmett's voice raised several notches. "Don't stand there and lie to me. I saw his reaction. He would not have done that if he hadn't hurt you."

Laurent backed up my brother. "Bella, I've seen this before. I don't want to believe it of Jasper, but what we want isn't always what we get. When you grow up in a house like he did, it's almost inevitable that it will happen again."

This was a repeat of what happened months ago when Jasper thought Laurent hurt my arm. "He thought the same thing of you, remember? And he was wrong. You didn't hurt me, and he hasn't either."

It was Edward who finally stopped the whole argument. "Bella, enough with the excuses. You need to calm down and start thinking rationally. Make the right choice."

Whether he intended to or not, Edward's words turned a key in my mind and unlocked the truth. If given a choice, I would always pick Jasper over every single person in this room. Why was I even here when I knew what I wanted and where I needed to be?

I exhaled all the bad air and took in fresh oxygen. In the past, it was Edward and Emmett who could get through to me. Everyone knew this.

Edward took my hand and squeezed it. "Let the noise stop, and think for a minute. I know you're angry with us, but we all have valid points. Give yourself the necessary time to consider what has been said. Don't make an emotional decision. Make a smart one."

Carlisle looked on with more fatherly pride than I had ever seen from him. Edward had just shown that he was his father's son. It was a lie, but people always preferred to believe what they wanted rather than the truth.

I took advantage of the change in the room and forced out a few tears for dramatic effect. "I can do that. I'm sorry I've been so stupid. I always knew the right thing to do, and I fought it for so long. Thank you all for helping me. I'll never forget it."

Emmett came up and gave me a hug. "Don't cry. This isn't the end of the world."

Yes, it was. It was the end of one and the start of another. "I love you, Emmett. You know that, right?"

"Always."

I left the room at a fast pace and didn't look back. Those people were gone.

When I got to the bedroom I was supposed to stay in that night, I started pacing the floor and considering all my options. I didn't have a car, and even if I did, I didn't know where Jasper was. Or did I? His greatest fear was that I would leave him. Was he still outside waiting to see if I took off?

Yes. He was in his car waiting, and a part of him was hoping that if I didn't leave that I would go to him. Was it really that easy? No, it wasn't. We still had a million problems, but at least, we would be working on them together.

Someone knocked on the door. I knew it was Edward and called out for him to come in.

His first question was predictable. "How do you feel?"

"I'm actually really good."

My change in attitude didn't go unnoticed. "I expected crying."

If I stayed here, there would be weeks of crying. I wasn't going to do it. "I'm going to Jasper."

It took a minute for my answer to hit him. He grabbed my hands. "Please, don't do this. He will never let you leave him if you do."

"I don't want him to let me go."

It was a truth I hadn't even admitted to myself. I never wanted Jasper to let me go. I wanted him to keep me with him always. We would fight and argue. Our life wouldn't be perfect, but it would be ours.

"How can you go to him after everything he's done?" Edward asked. "I know you want to help him, and I do, too. But we can accomplish that without you staying with him."

"And what should I do? Wait? What is the point in that when the end is still the same? If I go now, he will leave everyone else alone. If I wait, there is no telling what he will do."

"This isn't about what makes Jasper mad or what is right for him. This isn't even about you, Bella. You are not alone anymore. Think about Hale and the risks that come from being around Jasper. You have to make the right choice."

This was what life was all about. Choices. Risk. Living with decisions. Every day, we made a thousand choices and most were insignificant. Mine today was the biggest of my life.

For Edward, life was no different. He had his own choices to make.

"Why did you defend him last night after what he said when he found out I was pregnant? Tonight, why did you stay in the background throughout most of the whole confrontation? You only stepped forward when you saw that I was losing it. Why would you do any of that if you aren't on Jasper's side?"

"I do it because I'm on your side and you love him. I promised not to lie to you. I promised to be honest. And that's what I'm doing."

"And I love you for it..."

"But not enough," he finished for me. "Don't go. Stay for me. I'll be so good to you. I promise."

His eyes were asking me for too much. "Please, Bella. Jasper isn't the only one that needs you."

A different future was before me. Had it not been for Jasper, Edward and I probably would have been together. We would have had a comfortable and easy life together. It wouldn't be great, but it would be good. Our relationship would be safe. Wasn't that what I wanted?

No. I wanted Jasper. Without him, I would live each day taking shallow breaths and my heart would beat to the wrong rhythm. He was raw and conflicted, but he brought with him the spark that kept me alive. Even if we weren't together, he would always call to me during the day and whisper to me in the night. Could I live with his ghost haunting me like that?

When everything a person wanted was wrong for them, what choice should they make? Should they stick with the bad and hope for the best? Or choose the good and live with the pain of losing what they wanted most? I didn't have an answer. All I had was Jasper, and I chose him.

This didn't mean I couldn't help my friend see his own truth. "Edward, listen to your heart instead of your brain. Can you honestly say you love me as more than your friend?"

"My dad says..."

"No one can tell you you're in love. You just know it."

Tonight changed my feelings on Carlisle. The way he orchestrated this whole evening reminded me of Jasper's manipulative side. Did I even know the man at all? I wasn't sure, and it made me question everything I thought I knew. Did he try to dictate Edward's personality and choices? Had he done the same to my brother?

Edward's next words told me a great deal. "Do you ever feel like you're being pushed to live someone else's life? Some days, I don't even know who I am. I try to do what's right based on what he tells me, and I'm getting lost more and more."

And if he stayed here, he always would. I didn't see a good future for Edward. He would keep following his father's path and hate every step along the way. In ten years, he would be someone he didn't even recognize.

An idea rattled around in my head. What if Edward came with me? It would help us both. He could live outside his father's shadow, and I could have that security I was missing when Jasper and I were living alone. If it worked, Jasper would even benefit. He needed someone other than me that he could talk to and trust.

"Come with me, Edward. Break away from your dad, and come with me. If you stay here, you will always be Carlisle's son and never the person you really are."

He backed off abruptly. "No way. I can't do it."

"Why not?"

"Because Jasper hates me, and I don't know if I can fix that."

Had he loved me, the problem would have been seeing me with someone else. It didn't even enter his head.

Edward watched helplessly as I put on my coat and grabbed my bag. When I started for the doors leading outside, he stopped me. "Bella, think about what this means. You already know he probably won't let you leave him."

"Then, I'll be a happy hostage. You can be one, too."

"This is stupid. What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking your dad set him up, and I want to know why. I'm thinking I love him, and I will never stop believing in the man I see."

I knew Edward was conflicted. Like me, he had a great deal to lose if we were wrong. Unlike me, he didn't see the good in Jasper. I understood his reservations. At one time, those same ones ruled my life, but that time was gone.

He ran his hands over his face. "I think you're right about my dad. A few months ago, I confessed how I had been setting Jasper up to look bad. I wanted my dad to know that Jasper wasn't the guilty party. He didn't get mad or anything. He was actually proud of me. He said I was just doing what was right for you."

I stopped him. "I can't imagine that would be an issue for you. You think that anything can be justified if it's done with good intentions."

He made an odd little laughing and coughing combination. "Way to call me on my crap, Bella. Thanks."

"It's just who you are. You're really not that different from Jasper when it comes to some things. What separates you two are your individual definitions of good and bad."

He didn't like the comparison and brought us back on point. "Dad always wished Jasper would show you the person he really is. I think that's what he tried to accomplish tonight."

"I never needed anyone to show me who Jasper is. I've known from the beginning."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "Do you know who I am?"

I knew what I saw, and it made me sad. I also knew what I heard, and it was hope. Edward, in his own way, was just as lost as Jasper. He needed someone to see him and accept what they found.

"You hate lies, but you tell them all the time. I've seen you play with children and dance in the rain but only when you think no one is watching. You hide your thoughts because you've been told they're wrong, and you frown because you can't figure out why you're not happy. And if you don't come with me, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life."

I stepped into the night not knowing if he would follow. I took ten steps before I heard him step up beside me. I could smile again.

"I'm not letting you go alone." He took my bag from me and lugged it over his shoulder. "Someone has to look out for you."

And I could only think of one person better suited to do it. I just hoped Edward knew what he was doing. "Do you know what it means if you come with me? Jasper will never trust these people. The life we had with them is gone. It won't be fractured completely, but it will never be like it was."

"I don't know what my life is for, Bella, but being your friend is the only true thing I've ever had. I won't lose that, and if that means putting up with Jasper, I'll do it."

I wanted to laugh at the clouds and sing under the pale moon. "He's really not so bad when he's away from the others. You might even like him."

"I doubt that. Now, let's get out of here."

We circled around to the front yard and stood underneath some trees where it was completely dark.

"How long before they notice we're gone?" I asked him.

"The morning. They'll think you went to bed and that I stayed with you. No one will even wonder about us until we don't show up for breakfast."

I had a moment's doubt. "Is this crazy?"

Edward laughed. "Jasper promised to kill me an hour ago. Running off with you to meet him is complete insanity."

_No, it's faith and love. _

We got back to business. The plan was for me to step out into the light and look for Jasper. Edward would come out when I smoothed things over for him.

I took a deep breath. "Here goes."

I walked out from behind the trees and searched the cars lining the street. Less than a minute after I stepped under a street light, I heard a car door slam. I jerked my head to the right and saw Jasper. He made the night turn to day. It was that magic he had that I would never understand but always need.

He stood completely still for a full minute. I knew he always questioned his sanity. It was very likely that he wasn't sure if I was real or not. I said his name, and the spell was broken.

He jogged over to me and scanned the property to see if I was alone. "What are you doing out here?"

"I knew you were here."

No hug. No touching. He kept a careful distance from me. "If this is because I threatened them, I want you to go back in the house. Don't come to me to protect them. Come to me because you want to."

As sure as I was about him, I knew this might be my last chance to go back if I was wrong about Carlisle. Only a fool wouldn't ask for an explanation.

"Tell me what happened earlier. Why were you so upset?"

A look of dread marked his skin like an open wound. Jasper swallowed back his misery and stuttered out a question. "Do you have a name picked out?"

I was stunned. What the hell did Carlisle say to him? "Jasper, I have something I call the baby, but there is no name yet. It never seemed right without you here to decide with me."

The apprehension left and was replaced with the same rage I saw earlier. I knew it wasn't directed at me, but it was impossible to not be affected by the intensity of his emotions.

"Do other people know this?" he demanded.

"Everyone knows."

"Boy or girl?"

"Didn't Rose cover all this with you? I don't know yet. I'm hoping I find out this next week, but it's not a guarantee."

"Carlisle told me the exact opposite. According to him, you and Edward are together, and I'm a mistake you regret."

Stupid Carlisle. I should have known he would throw Edward in Jasper's face. I had to formulate a careful response that would leave him with no doubt of my feelings.

"I have a ton of regrets. Leaving you in Forks. Making you wait so long for us to be together. Not telling you the truth about why I left that morning you got so angry. All of my regrets were about decisions that kept us apart. I don't want to add to that. I'm not with Edward, and I never have been. You are the one I love."

Jasper still wasn't sold. "Why are you out here?"

"Because I want to go home."

I could tell he was relieved, but he was still all business and would remain so until he had me in the car. It was only then that he would allow himself to relax and accept that he had me back.

He held out a hand. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I was sure, but now, I had to get Edward in the mix. I took Jasper's hand and traced the fine lines on his palm. I knew this hand like I knew my own. The three deep creases. The tangled branches. The calluses. It was my hand as much as it was his. I turned it over and trailed my fingers over his scarred knuckles.

"You spend so much time fighting. Don't you ever get tired of it?" I asked.

"Not if you're what I'm fighting for."

It was sweet, but it did nothing to reassure me. "There is someone that wants to come with us. Will you let them? No fighting?"

"Bella, as long as I get you in my car in the next couple of minutes, I don't give a shit who you bring with you."

Well, we would just have to see about that. "You can come out now," I called over my shoulder.

Edward walked up to my side and didn't say anything.

I watched Jasper's expression switch from fine to murderous in a second. "Are you fucking kidding me? Hell no."

"Edward and I are a package deal. Take it or leave it."

"Package deal, my ass. He ain't coming."

Edward stepped between us. "Let me make something clear to you. I don't like you. I don't trust you, and I don't want Bella to be with you. I'm here to make sure you take care of her. So you need to decide if you hate me more than you love her, because I'm not letting her go without me."

_And let the fighting commence. _

"Boys," I said in an even voice. "Can we go home now? You two can have your pissing contest some place warmer."

"Do you really want him to come with us?" Jasper asked.

"Yes."

I got what I wanted, and my inner brat cheered like a schoolgirl.

* * * * * *

Jasper made calls to a few people and had them meet us back at the other house. There was no discussion about what was going on. We knew a separation was happening between us and the others. It was a necessary evil. There was too much conflict when we were all together. I didn't know that we would ever be able to coexist.

Within two hours, my life was packed up and loaded into a stranger's truck. Edward's boxes sat next to mine. Jasper wouldn't let me lift a thing. I sat on the couch and supervised.

The truck was sent off ahead of us, and a squabble started between my two guys over Edward's car. He fully intended on us riding in it and following Jasper to our house on the hill.

"If you're coming with us, you leave your dad here. None of his money comes with you," Jasper informed him.

"I like my car," Edward grumbled.

"We'll get you a new one."

I thought this might be a potential deal breaker. It wasn't. My friend just shrugged off the money issue. "Okay."

We arrived at our house thirty minutes later. The truck from earlier was parked outside and was already being unloaded.

"Where do you want Edward?" a man called out from the front door.

Jasper's answer put him in the bedroom with the broken bathroom mirror and the bad memories.

I rubbed at the scars on my hands. "Put him in a different room. I don't like that one."

"What does it matter? You won't be sleeping in there."

"I'm fine with it," Edward said agreeably.

Well, I wasn't. "Put him in a different room."

Jasper had his own objection. "He can't have the one with the yellow curtains."

It was the bedroom I first stayed in before moving to his. This left one room, and it was clear on the other side of the house. With that decided, Edward started helping the men unload the truck, and I went inside.

My feet took me to the room I didn't want to see but needed to see. The bedroom was just as I left it. The bathroom wasn't. A different color covered the wall, and a new mirror replaced the one that had been broken. I ran a finger over the counter and closed my eyes.

I could still hear the desperation and see the wild look in his eyes. Many things were lost that morning, but I was certain they could be found again.

Jasper walked up behind me and placed a hand over the top of mine. "We can go somewhere else. It doesn't matter where. I'll buy you any house. I'll build you a new one. Just tell me what you need."

The day was starting to get to me. There had been so much drama, and it was wearing on my nerves. I needed to sit in the dark for a while and let my head clear.

I opened my eyes and stared back at his reflection. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing or what I need. I think I'll just go to bed."

"Which bed?"

Good question. I didn't know. I couldn't see us jumping right back to where we were before he left. At least, I couldn't see it happening tonight.

I was so confused. It was easier taking one giant step than it was the final little ones. I wanted us to be the same as before, but I knew it couldn't be rushed. We had to grow comfortable with each other again, and we were both too keyed up for that to happen right now.

"Bella, you don't have stay with me. I understand. We can take things at any pace you want. I'm just so grateful you're here at all."

I was relieved that he understood. "Will you get my bag out of the car?"

Jasper did as I asked, and I used my minute alone to wander to our bedroom. I took my shoes off and tossed them into a corner. Was it symbolic? No, my feet hurt.

The door behind me was closed. My coat was pulled off of me and put to the side. I could feel Jasper running his fingers over the fabric of my dress.

He made a random observation. "This isn't a sweater."

I had no clue why it was even worth mentioning.

"Should I be in here?" I asked.

"You should be wherever you want." He lowered the zipper on the back of my dress and kissed my neck. "I'll sleep in the other room."

After telling me goodnight, he exited the room quietly.

* * * * * *

Sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned until finally getting up at three in the morning. I had to have a snack. I wasn't the only one having problems. Jasper was standing at the back windows looking out over the darkened landscape.

He heard me. "Are you okay? You're not sick, are you?"

Always so worried. "No, I'm just hungry."

He got a better look at me and frowned. "Where are the rest of your clothes? What if Edward gets up?"

I was hardly naked. I had on an over-sized shirt. "It's not a big deal."

Jasper walked with me to the kitchen. "I don't like him touching you. It pisses me off."

"People can touch me. It happens all the time, and like it or not, Edward is my friend. While you were gone, he was here for me. I won't forget that."

"How close did you two get?" His eyes moved to my legs. "Has he seen you like this? No robe. My shirt. Bare feet. And looking like my favorite sin."

He just had to go there. "And here I thought I was your favorite virtue."

"How about my favorite everything?"

He was trying to charm me. "How about helping me find a snack?"

The goofy man surprised me when he started laughing like an idiot. I spotted a bottle of liquor on the dining table. I should have known. Asking him not to drink would be like asking me not to be indecisive. It just wouldn't happen. I didn't even mind. He wasn't a mean drunk. It improved his sense of humor and made him much more easygoing.

He was still laughing. It was annoying not knowing what it was about. "What's so funny?"

"I was thinking about your duck shirt, and then you said something about a snack, which made me think of this joke about duck sausage."

Yep. He had definitely been drinking. I took it as a sign of how agitated he was from all the sudden changes. The night had been a roller coaster of emotions for all of us. Crying. Arguing. Threats. And now laughter.

His big, silly grin had me smiling back at him. "Do I even want to know about the sausage?"

"Probably not."

I just shook my head and returned to scavenging around for food. I opened the fridge and didn't find anything to eat. "We need to go shopping."

"Make a list out, and we can go in the morning." He held up an apple. "I'll cut it up for you while you make your list."

Fair enough. My list didn't take too long. I slid it over to him after he handed me a bowl of apple wedges. He ended up having to cut up another one after he ate half of mine.

When we finished eating, he broke the silence that had surrounded us for several minutes. "Rose said you have a copy of the ultrasounds you've had. Can I see them?"

Uhm. Yeah, I guess he could. I was actually slightly ashamed that I hadn't even thought to show him. "It's on my laptop. You can watch it if you like."

Jasper took off in the direction of the study. "I'll bring it to our bedroom. I don't want you walking around dressed like that with a guest here."

"Edward is not a guest."

"That's debatable," he muttered.

Those two better not get into it with each other. "If you give him a chance, you'll see that he's on your side. He's defended you when no one else would."

Jasper had no response to that, but I could tell he wasn't expecting to hear what I told him.

I headed for our room and was joined by him a few minutes later. We sat up on the bed as we waited for my laptop to finish loading. I remembered the stupid words he said after he figured out I was pregnant, and I really didn't want a repeat of that night.

There was no need to worry. It actually went pretty well. There was laughter instead of tears. He watched the first one and didn't say much. When we got to the second one, he wasn't so quiet.

The first thing he said made me break out into giggles. "Our baby has feet."

"They usually come that way."

He was delighted with what he saw. "When were these done?"

"The first was in the middle of November. This one was a month later."

He didn't need to know that the second one was from right after my accident. The technicians made me a copy because they saw how upset I was. They had been very kind and understanding. It helped a great deal.

"Did you feel any of this? It keeps kicking at you all the time," he said with wonder.

"I didn't feel anything then, but I think I did earlier."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was sort of a little fluttery feeling. And don't call the baby _It_. I refer to the little guy as Hale."

Jasper looked at me like I told him the baby had two heads. "You call our kid, Hale? That shit is not gonna work. I don't care how bad you feel sometimes."

Seriously, did he really just say that? "It's your middle name, for goodness sakes."

The scowl left, and the laughter started. "Bella, we're not in Washington. The pronunciation is the same down here for Hale and hell. If our baby has a drawl, the poor tyke is gonna come out needing therapy. Don't you think he has enough working against him with me as the dad?"

Well, that was just wonderful. I had been referring to the poor thing as a place of misery and suffering. I was ruining my baby before he was even born. And Jasper thought it was hilarious.

I swatted his chest. "Stop laughing. This is not funny."

"Like _Hale_ it ain't. You finally did something wrong. I need to mark it on the calendar."

"Jerk."

He leaned over and kissed me. "Angel."

In all the craziness from the day, we found a way to carve out some time for ourselves. The absence of angst was a welcome change. With just a few unguarded moments, we moved closer to where we were before he left.

_He left. _

Those words made it sound like this was all his fault, and it wasn't. I carried my own share of the blame. I could have communicated better. I could have been honest with him about why I went out that morning. I should have trusted him. More importantly, we both should have trusted the relationship we had and our commitment to each other.

I smiled up at him and let the warmth from his gaze wash over me. It was odd how we could be so confused about each other and then have moments like this where we were perfectly in sync. He loved me, and I loved him. We didn't need to say it. We just needed to feel it.

* * *

**Author's Note: Was anyone surprised by Edward's decision to follow Bella? I know a few people guessed he was one of the two on Jasper's side, and they were correct. Then again, he's really on Bella's side if I'm honest. This just puts him in Jasper's corner by default.  
**

**I really hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. For me, it was a nice change of pace from the angst I've been drowning in for weeks from the other chapters. There is, of course, still more story to tell. Having Jasper and Edward under the same roof will prove interesting. Jasper may have put up little complaint about it, but as you can imagine, he isn't happy with it. And there is still that pesky question of whether or not Edward knows about Jasper's mom.  
**

**I want to say a quick thanks to Stacey and Jess for helping me pick which version to go with. I hope you both liked it.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I hope you all received your review replies and the excerpt.**

**The next chapter should be posted on Wednesday.  
**


	34. Chapter 34

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 34 - One Good Day

**Jasper POV**

Bella went to bed. I went to the living room. Box after box was carried into my house. Edward's stuff. My house. This just shouldn't be.

Demetri was watching with disbelieving eyes. I asked him to join me in the study.

He had the same question I did. "What is he doing here?"

_I'm a dumb fuck that will give my girl anything. _"Bella wouldn't leave without him."

I had already told Demetri most of what happened tonight. When I saw Bella out on the street, I was in the middle of making arrangements with him to have someone watching her all the time. I knew Carlisle's first idea would be to hide her from me.

"And you're okay with this?" Demetri asked.

"If having him here makes her happy, I'll deal with it. I'm more worried about everyone else. They'll come here tomorrow, and it'll be one more screwed up argument. She doesn't need that bullshit."

Demetri read my mind. "I can have some people keep them out, but it won't last forever. You need to have a gate installed like I told you before."

I didn't like the idea of a gate. Bella already felt like a caged bird when she was here. It was the reason I didn't already have one. I vetoed the idea and went with a different plan.

"I can get them to back off with a few words about my mom. That'll send Emmett and Carlisle running. They others will follow."

"Good idea. Have you decided yet what you want to do about them? Bella or not, I can't see you letting the deal with your mom go."

"I'll know after I talk to Bella. I won't risk losing her again because I'm a vengeful prick."

He got that proud papa look on his face. "You're getting smarter. Must be the daddy thing. Congratulations by the way."

I thanked him and sent him home to his pretty wife.

Edward came looking for me. He sat down in the chair opposite my desk and smiled like someone with the world at his feet. He was too happy.

"What do you want, Edward?"

"We need to talk about Bella."

I needed a drink and a week of rest. I could have the drink, but the rest would have to wait. I wouldn't sleep easy until my girl was here for more than a few days.

"Say what you need to say and then leave. I have shit to do."

The golden boy started on his favorite topic. "When you look at Bella, she looks good, right?"

The fuck? Was he really pulling the same shit as his daddy? I didn't care how much my girl liked him. If he commented on her ass, I was punching him. "Clarify that before I get pissed."

"By good, I mean healthy, which is something she isn't. She's worn down physically and emotionally. The baby is only adding to this. I don't know how much more she can take."

"Which is why you didn't give her hell about coming to me," I guessed.

"I told her it was a bad idea, but it was better than the alternative."

"Which was?"

"Her fighting against what everyone else wanted for her."

This was taking too long. "Just fuckin' tell me what they wanted."

Edward nervously answered. "My dad and the others wanted her to leave town with me. She refused to listen to the plan, and they refused to listen to her."

Not a surprise. "What did you think of the idea?"

"It was stupid. You would find her if she left, and cutting you out of the kid's life is unfair."

Was he saying this as some sort of peace offering? I knew he hated me. We were cats and dogs.

I pulled a picture out of my desk and slid it over to him. Now was as good a time as any to figure out where he stood in my mom's mess. Until I knew, I wouldn't believe a word he said.

Edward took the picture of my sister and examined it. I could see the anger beginning to build. He knew, which meant I couldn't trust him.

Or not.

His response wasn't anything close to what I predicted. "You already have a daughter? Shit, Jasper."

I handed him another picture. This one was of my mother and the girl. It took him a dumb three minutes to catch up to the rest of the world.

"Sister? Wait." He was happy for me. "You found your mom. Where is she? Was she okay?"

I didn't answer. I just gave him the last picture I had. It was from this last weekend and featured Carlisle playing with Charlotte.

Edward didn't know. I watched him put the pieces together and form the same fucked up puzzle I had in my head. He started yammering, and at first, he focused on how this affected his family.

Cheating on Esme. A daughter by another woman. Infidelity. Lies. Gradually he came around to my side of the picture. Carlisle knew where my mother was this whole time. His treatment of me. Tonight's events.

He started walking the room. It was like watching me in a mirror. Edward wanted to destroy something. It had been years since I gave a shit about what he felt and what he did. Bella's love for him changed this. He was important to me because of how much she valued him. If he broke apart over this shit, it would upset my girl.

"Stop pacing, Wonder Boy, and tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking my dad is the biggest fucking liar on the planet. I'm so pissed about what he's done. How have you not gone after him? What the hell are you waiting for?"

Interesting. The good boy wasn't so good after all. "I was waiting for more information, but Bella changed things. She wouldn't come out of this unscathed."

Edward threw himself into a chair. "After tonight, I don't think she would care."

"You're so quick to turn on him. That hardly makes you the good son."

"He lied to my mother. I can't look over that."

I almost hated telling him the next part. "Esme knows about my mom. I don't know for sure if she is aware of the girl, but I think she probably is."

All the air went out of him. I was again looking at myself in the mirror. Lost. Furious. Betrayed. Confused. He was all those things and more.

"Who else knows?" he asked.

"Emmett."

Edward was disgusted. "Tell me that part of the story."

"My mom started from the beginning and didn't shut up until she got to the end. It took an hour to get it all out. Somewhere in all that, she mentioned seeing Emmett."

"When?"

"In the spring of last year. Carlisle met my mom and my sister at some restaurant, and Emmett approached them. She found out later that he overheard a conversation Carlisle was having with her and followed him."

I knew Edward was going through all the reasons Emmett would keep this quiet. Of everyone in our lives, Emmett was the honest one. He hated secrets and tried the hardest to avoid our childish games. He was the peacemaker in the group.

I let Edward in on my theory. "Emmett remembers what I did when Bella left me. This deal with my mom would be worse. Knowing me like he does, how could he volunteer the information when he knows I would go after your family?"

"That doesn't excuse his decision to keep quiet."

"No, but it explains it. And what can we really say? How many times have we messed up? How many times have we lied to each other and held our own secrets? Emmett has less than any of us."

It was true. I thought about the information I had that I would never reveal.

Take Edward for example. He was obviously attached to the baby. What would he do if he knew about the abortion Alice had in high school? At the time, it seemed like the right choice. She was flying high and not about to quit. Edward was drunk and stupid at the best of times. If we threw all that at him, he would have spiraled more out of control. I made the decision to keep him safe and hold Alice's secret in my lock box.

Alice wasn't the only screw up. No one knew that Rosalie and Edward hooked up one night when they were both drunk. It happened again when they didn't have alcohol to blame. Emmett didn't know this and never would. It would wreck his friendship with Edward and destroy any chance Rosalie had at happiness.

My own past was no better. Bella knew most of my secrets, but she didn't know one very big one. I guessed early on about the lies her father set up that kept her and Emmett apart. She didn't know that I was the one that forced James to confess. For most of our early relationship, I took advantage of her daddy issues and played her. She also didn't know that I encouraged Emmett to hate her when all along I knew there was no reason.

I was a bad person. We all were. Everyone but Bella. She had no secrets, and I was her only true vice. The group took turns protecting her from the world and the truth of who we were. We had to. She trusted so few people and would be completely alone without us. People would say she was better off if we weren't around, but I said to hell with that. She was better with the devils that loved her than the world that didn't.

"Edward, you can't let this shit about your parent's get to you. Bella needs you to be present. She needs you to watch out for her. If you turn pussy and go on one of your drinking binges, she's the one that's gonna get hurt."

He heard the most important part. "You did do something, didn't you? It's why you left."

I told him the truth. I started with an explanation of how his behavior brought out my insecurities. I ended with that morning in the bathroom and what almost happened. Telling him this was like having my teeth pulled. I hated doing it, but I knew he needed to know why she really wanted him here.

Edward groaned. "This is crap. The poor girl is stuck with a drunk and an abusive asshole. Both of whom are rationalizing that they are better for her than the lying family and the overprotective brother. Oh, and did I mention she's pregnant?"

I laughed. We both did. I couldn't even say why. This shit wasn't funny. It was fucked up.

We called a truce on our family shit, but Bella was still an open wound between us. It would be until he accepted that he had no chance. To him, her inviting him to come along was proof that he held a significant piece of her heart, which he did.

* * * * * *

My girl liked apples. Anyone claiming to love her should be aware of this. They should also know she loved bluebonnets and sang like a tone deaf angel. These were just a couple of the many details about her that were critical information in my book. Edward didn't know shit. The proof came at breakfast the next morning.

He was mashing up a banana to mix in with the pancake batter. Chopped up walnuts followed. These were ingredients he picked up when I sent him off with Bella's list from last night.

"She doesn't like bananas," I pointed out in my friendliest _fuck you_ voice.

Childish? Yes, but it was also true. Bella hated bananas.

He with the roguish hair did not agree. "She eats them everyday, jackass."

"No, she doesn't." I held an apple in his face. "This is what she likes. Everyday. Sometimes twice a day."

"I've never seen her eat one of those. She won't even buy them."

Edward stirred in the crap, ruining a perfectly good batch of batter. I made another comment, and he slapped the spoon down into the mush. It splattered on both of us.

My tolerance for him was not high on my best day. Today wasn't even close to best. I was pissy from looking at his stupid smile and listening to him whistle. Being hungover didn't help.

I wiped at the crap on my face and contemplated a non-violent reaction. I took the bowl and went in the direction of the trash.

Edward grabbed one side. "What are you doing?"

"Throwing this out. I already told you she doesn't like this stuff."

"And again, she eats one everyday. If you were around more, you would know that."

"Cheap shot," I growled.

We were really arguing about this. Childish. Silly. But important.

He tried to take the bowl away and whined, "Stop stealing my food."

"I paid for it. It's mine."

"I made it. It's hers."

The sweet song of Bella's laughter came from the living room. "Why is there yellow stuff dripping down the cabinets?" she asked.

I pointed at Edward. "He did it."

He put the blame back on me. "Jasper started it."

Bella mimicked our words in a child's voice. "I paid for it. I made it. It's mine. It's hers."

She made us sound like the brats we were. Good on her.

Her normal voice returned. "Step off the school playground, and join your age group."

Twenty minutes later, I was watching Edward snag food off her plate. To me, this was the worst sort of theft. My kid needed that food. Hale had growing to do.

Apparently, Edward could do no wrong. Between stealing pancakes and licking syrup off his fingers, he was teasing her with bacon, a food she loved but wasn't eating. If I did that shit, Bella would kick me under the table and glare at me.

Or would she? My memories were colored by those final bad days. She was pissy. I was trying too hard. Neither of us knew she was pregnant. Was this just her being herself again? And where did I fit in? Watching her with Edward was like watching a movie with the right actor in the lead role. When I pictured me in his spot, I looked like a toucan playing the part of a cheetah, and that shit did not fit.

I wasn't even mad at them or jealous. She was being playful, and it was good to see after the crying and the arguments. They were acting like themselves. And why shouldn't they? My struggle was figuring out a way to fit in with them. This was new for me. I never concerned myself with that before. People always bent around my personality. I was the one that dictated their roles.

My phone went off. I was almost glad for the interruption.

It was Demetri. "We've got three cars coming up the road. It looks like all of 'em showed up. How do you wanna do this?"

"I don't know. Give me a minute."

I ended the call and proceeded to warn the two runaways. "The family is here."

Bella face reddened, and her eyes showed her panic. "I don't want to talk to them. All they do is yell. No one listens."

Edward was right. She was worn down. Too many people pushing her. She was trying too hard to please everyone but herself. She always tried to be the good girl and do the right thing, even when it was at her own expense.

"You don't have to talk to them. Edward and I can take care of this."

I tried to sound as neutral as possible. We hadn't told her about Carlisle, and neither of us wanted to. Edward was forcing himself to be happy this morning to cover up his own anxiety. The Battle of the Banana was all about finding an outlet for our attitudes. Edward was angsting over his parents, and I was the same pissed off bastard I always was.

And Bella was growing more agitated. "I don't want them at this house. This is our place. They'll ruin it."

"I'll make them leave."

"Good. Is it too much to ask for one good day? No fighting. No drama. One easy, good day. That's all I want."

I would tie a bow on the moon and give it to her if that was what she wanted. A good day was much easier to accomplish, so I decided on that. "You can have your day. Go run yourself a hot bath. Turn on some music. Relax, and let us handle everyone else."

She fought a battle in her head about what to do before ultimately going along with my suggestion.

A last second change in plans moved us outside to meet them. I expected all of them to come at us, but it was just Emmett and Carlisle, which worked out well.

The brother asked the first question. "Where is she?"

"Inside taking a bath. She's decided ya'll aren't welcome here, and she doesn't wanna see you."

"You expect us to believe that. What did you say to force them to come with you?"

Edward defended me. "Jasper didn't force us to come here. We left on our own."

Carlisle went off on his son. "Of all the stupid stunts you've pulled, this is by far the worst. What were you thinking?"

"Considering your plans, we felt we had no choice," Edward explained.

He was doing surprisingly well with all this. I knew how angry he was at his dad, but he was playing it cool. This reminded me of the Edward I used to like. He wasn't the weak shit we all got nowadays.

But back to business. I needed to get rid of these two. "I hope you picked a town with a nice park. Austin is a good place to try. Its suburbs are nice, too."

Carlisle must have been confident in the security of his secrets. He didn't even blink.

I played with him a little more. "Children playing. Their mothers watching. Maybe, my kid will be a girl. I can just see her now. Blond hair. Pigtails. She would have a pink coat and the prettiest blue eyes."

"Bella and I would have to find her a good name," Edward said thoughtfully. "I'm thinking Charlotte."

Carlisle looked like death just passed before his eyes. His mouth moved but no sound came out. Emmett looked much the same.

"You cheated on your family, and kept quiet for years when you knew Jasper needed his mom," Edward accused. "What the hell kind of person does that?"

"You have to understand..." Carlisle said before I interrupted him.

"Understand what? That making her disappear would protect her. You didn't really think you could hide her from me forever, did you?"

Carlisle and Emmett just stood there. They were so different from one another. One was thinking about self-preservation. He wanted to know what I would do and how much he would lose. He didn't once think about how his actions were a betrayal of his family.

The other was looking at us apologetically. Emmett never went out of his way to hurt anyone. He was the protector, and he felt like he failed. This was why I couldn't seem to muster much anger at him. I knew what it was to make a choice and regret it later. With that in mind, I focused most of my attention on Carlisle.

He said something stupid. "All I've ever wanted was to protect my family."

"Which one?" Edward sneered. "You seem to have two."

He went in the house and left his family behind in a much different way than he did last night.

"Emmett, I think you should go to your car," Carlisle suggested. "Jasper and I have a few things to talk about."

Emmett gave him a dismissive look and talked to me. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I still don't want you near my sister, and that won't change until you prove you can take care of her. But I'll leave you alone to do that. It's the very least I owe you."

It was his turn to leave. His afternoon was going to be rough. It would involve confessing to Rosalie and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Carlisle started giving me a list of reasons I should leave him alone.

I cared more about what he wasn't saying. There was a question that kept me up at night. I had to have an answer to it. "Why did you accept Edward and Emmett as your sons but never me?"

This was what was killing me. Why was _I_ not good enough for him but everyone else was?

He tried to blame it on my father, but that shit didn't work. "Edward's birth father is a rapist. You may hate my dad, but nothing he did can compare to Edward's. So tell me why he can be your son and I can't."

His face turned an ugly purple color. "You were supposed to be mine, and you weren't," Carlisle shouted. "I loved you from the second I knew she was pregnant. But it was all for nothing. You were his, and because of it, she would never be mine."

More words. I listened to them through a fog. "How can I not hate you when your very existence cost me everything I ever wanted? Imagine Bella having another man's child. I wanted that for you. I wanted you to feel that pain."

For a full minute, I was too shocked to say anything. It wasn't what I expected, but it explained so much. He forgave her, but he couldn't forgive me for not being the son he thought I was. Hate was like that. It wasn't based on logic or reasoning. It was emotional and something you couldn't control once it formed, and if it was allowed to linger and grow claws, it colored your thoughts and any opinion you had.

The answer didn't make me feel better or worse nor did it make me pity him. I expected to feel more, but that was becoming increasingly more difficult as my priorities shifted from what I wanted to what Bella needed. Carlisle lost his importance.

I was done here. I turned to go in the house but glanced back when he asked what I planned on doing to him.

I thought back on what I learned. There was this cute intern at the hospital that was open to the idea of a sexual harassment lawsuit. Whether I said anything or not, she was likely to file one. She was one of those that imagined dollar signs and paid off tuition while he had her bent over a table. It was glorified prostitution, but she didn't see it like that. Girls like her rarely did.

The important thing was that her story would lead to a dozen similar stories, and by the end of it, Carlisle's reputation would be shattered and his bank account diminished. Never mind that several of his peers were no better. A person was only doing wrong if they got caught.

I was more interested in the family side of things. His perfect world would be revealed for what it was, a flawed illusion. Esme would leave him. His son would lose all respect for him. This was what I had wanted to see, but I was already getting the best part of that. Carlisle lost Edward, and I didn't even have to do anything to make it happen.

"Do you know what the best revenge is, Carlisle? It's living well. You're gonna get to watch from the sidelines while I raise my kid with the wife you wanted for your son. Edward will be with us, and we'll all have the life you wanted."

This was similar to what he told me the night before. How crazy was the world that so much could change in so little time? Bella made this possible. Her forgiveness and trust gave me this second chance. I wouldn't let myself or anyone else ruin it.

I had one last thing that needed to be said. "You always thought I was cruel and violent at the best of times. If you so much as call Bella again, you'll see first hand how right you are about me."

I abandoned him to the January cold and went to check on Edward. I found him in his room staring out the window as he watched the last car pull away. He was beating himself up over not saying more to his dad.

"I'm a coward. I should have yelled at him instead of leaving like I did. I should have gone to my mom and talked to her."

"You're not a coward. You're just pissed off. There's time enough for you to tell them what you think, and you're better off getting your thoughts straight first."

Coming from me, that shit was a joke.

Edward gave me a look that told me he agreed. "What are you doing in here any way?"

"Checking for cut wrists and a bottle of tequila."

It was the honest answer. Eddie and I weren't exactly buddies, but I was starting to see that we needed to be.

He held up his arms. "No blood. No drink."

"Good. If you need a distraction, the basement has my weights and a treadmill. There are movies and music in the room off the living room. Since Bella says you're staying, you might as well make yourself at home."

I went to my room hoping to catch my girl still taking a bath. No such luck. Bella was already out of the bath and was now in bed taking a nap. She barely stirred when I went to lie down next to her. As I watched her sleep, I promised myself that her one good day would turn into thousands. I would accept no less.

* * * * * *

The next day was emotional but not bad. The worst part came right after breakfast. Edward borrowed my car to go see his mom. With him out of the house, it was time to tell Bella everything. I sat her down and spit out the whole story. This emotional shit from her being pregnant made it worse. She started tearing up before I said ten words.

By the time I was done, she was sitting on my lap resting her head on my shoulder, and I was wondering if a person could get dehydrated from tears. If it was possible, she could do it.

Afterwards, she didn't need to do much to calm me down or show me she understood. She had her own special ways of doing it. On this day, she took my left hand and pulled my grandfather's ring off my little finger.

"Don't try to be him. Be you, Jasper. The truth about your mom doesn't change who you are. It just changes what you know."

The mood lightened up when she got the hiccups. I didn't mean to laugh, but it was like nature was telling her to stay quiet. She couldn't get a complete thought out before it was interrupted.

"I'm so – _hiccup. _Damn it. I wish I had been ther – _hiccup_."

This brought about thirty minutes of cures that didn't work. Sugar. A glass of water. Coughing. She wanted to stand on her head. I didn't let her. I finally got frustrated and kissed her. It didn't work, but it made her laugh when she hiccuped again. I think this was what made her stop.

The mess with my mom was a distant memory for me. I was relieved to talk about it for the last time, and Bella knew this. She didn't push me to say more. She just hugged me and promised that she would never leave. For the first time, I believed it like I always should have.

Life got easier after that day. Bella spent some alone time with Edward helping him deal with his parent stuff. He was much higher maintenance than me. I was used to getting crapped on. For him, this was a new thing.

Monday was a busy day. Bella had her cast removed. She also put her two weeks notice in, but Aro told her to go ahead and take off. He was only giving her extra hours to help her out, which she no longer needed. They had a nice talk before she left. I knew he would miss her as much as she would miss him.

Her quitting her job caused an argument between us on Sunday. I didn't want her working, but I also didn't want her quitting because of me. Somehow I ended up arguing for her to keep her job when it was the last thing I wanted. It had to be some kind of sneaky female shit she was pulling. This girl tied me in knots like no else.

For example, I was still sleeping in the room with the yellow curtains. I would lie down with her at the end of every night, but I always ended up leaving. All she had to do was ask me to stay. She didn't.

Also not good was the physical distance I was putting between us. It wasn't by choice. My hands wanted to roam like they always did. The problem was that I didn't know if she wanted them doing that, and it felt wrong to ask.

This was causing me to fixate even more than usual on her. My eyes always went with the same order. Her ass. Nice. Her breasts. Huge. Her tummy. Full of kid. It was when I was staring at the last one that she would always catch me looking. This would make her blush and start talking about random bullshit. One time it was carrots. Another time was monkeys. I felt guilty that my physical interest was making her so nervous.

It wasn't all about the sex, though that was part of it. Mostly what I thought about was just touching her and exploring the changes. She was so different. I wanted to remap her body's imprint in my head. Making this a hands-on exercise was just the most thorough way of doing that. Plus, it sounded fun.

This was what I was thinking about while lying in bed alone again on Tuesday night_. _My hand was itching to be put to good use, and my dick was thinking it was a good plan. Then my door opened.

_Bella._

Great. As nice as it was to see her, I really needed a few minutes of alone time. Her visit would just lead to pain and discomfort. I had had enough of that in the last few days.

"I can't sleep," she complained. "Will you come stay with me?"

Beautiful words. Problematic condition. Her words weren't an invitation for sex. They were a sweet way of letting me back where we both knew I belonged. Our first night was supposed to be about holding her and me being the good guy. Sex could come the second night. My present state would send the wrong message, and I was all about the right message these days.

"Uhm, yeah," I stammered like a fool. "Can you give me a few minutes?"

She pulled the covers back. "We could stay in here."

I jerked the blanket up to my neck. "Our room is fine."

"Okay. Let's go."

One head was yelling at me to get this shit going. He wanted sex. With Bella. Right now. My other head was politely suggesting good behavior and a decent show of respect for my woman.

Basically, I had Edward of the brain, and Jasper of the dick. These were two medical conditions that shouldn't coexist. If they had voices, the sound of them arguing would wake up the neighbors, five miles away.

Bella crawled into bed with me. The new me was a gentleman. I didn't push my girl for sex. I let us take our time. She rubbed against me, and the _Oh_ sound she made almost required a changing of the sheets.

"Were you...uhm..._busy_ or something?" she asked me.

"No, I wasn't busy. Well, I was about to be, and I still might be. Shit. This makes me sound like a pervert."

A giggle. "It does not."

She moved in closer and kissed my neck while a hand roamed over my chest. "You can touch me. I won't mind."

She sat up and peeled her shirt off. This was just not fair. I was being good, and she was leading me back down my favorite path. Her hands and lips were helping me along. She always went to this one spot on my neck that made me shiver.

I reached for her and heard a gasp. I immediately thought I did something wrong. She said I didn't, but dammit, I was nervous.

"I don't know about this, Bella. I might hurt you. I don't even know how this works now."

"I promise it works the same. So shut up and kiss me."

And I did. A thousand times while my hands explored. The terrain was a little different, but the delicious moans were the same. All of it was her.

Tonight was a slow, lazy exploration and more tender than any other time. I spoke all the words I had built up inside me and gave all of me for the first time ever. She listened and loved me like I always needed.

Later, I was lying next to her and letting my eyes enjoy what my body just touched. Bella never looked more beautiful to me. Those sleep eyes were drifting away to a night of dreams. The half-smile still held its mysteries. Her easy breathing was a song to my ears.

I went to sleep knowing that the secrets of my world were within the heart of this woman, and she still loved me.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the late chapter. My own personal Jasper has been very ill since Wednesday of last week, and writing will always takes a backseat to him. Thankfully, he is doing better today.  
**

**I hope you all enjoyed the update. It was a surprise Jasper POV. I found this one much easier to write from his perspective. Most of the last several chapters have made him come across in a negative light, and I thought it only fair that he get a chance to feel less depressed and show some of his growth more. He'll never be perfect, but he is trying to be better.  
**

**People have been asking how many chapters of the story are left. It's hard to really put an exact number on that. My best answer is six, but that is dependent on a few editing choices I haven't made yet.**

**I want to again thank everyone for the great reviews and wonderful PM's. There were several new readers in the bunch, and that is always fun to see. I'm sorry I didn't have time to answer anyone this week, but I did read them all. Your thoughts on the story were a great pick me up. So thanks for that.**

**The next chapter will ideally be posted Wednesday like it should be. I hope everyone has a great week and stays healthy. **

**- Cris  
**


	35. Chapter 35

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 35 - All of Me

Wednesday marked the sixth day of my new life. New wasn't even the right way of describing it. This was the life Jasper and I had before he left only now we had a few additions that made it better.

There was small person I was cooking up for June. Jasper was obsessed with the baby and stared at my midsection constantly. There were times I felt like The Belly instead of Bella, which was ridiculous considering I wasn't even showing that much. If this was how he was now, I could only imagine how he would be in a few months.

The more obvious addition was Edward. We settled back into our friendship relationship with an ease that was very telling. Gone was the confusion brought on by our inability to define our feelings for each other. When put up against what I had with Jasper, I couldn't even figure out what had me so puzzled.

Edward felt much the same. Splitting from his father was giving him a new perspective on many things. His feelings for me were included with that, though Jasper was still convinced that Edward was lusting after me.

The two of them couldn't decide if they were getting along or not. They would be fine one day and the next they would argue over the stupidest stuff. It was some sick contest they had going to find out which one knew me better. So far, it was a tie.

Their issues were not a problem this afternoon. Jasper was visiting with his doctor. While he was out, Edward and I spent a quiet afternoon in the living room going through books of ours we planned on donating to a charity book fair.

It wasn't long before we ended up talking about his parents. We had spoken very little about them. He wanted the time to sort out his feelings, and I let him know I would be around when he was ready to talk.

The talking came tonight. It started as a conversation about Emmett and me. We had spoken on the phone yesterday. I had trouble with his failure to be honest about Jasper's mom, and he had problems with how easily I forgave Jasper. We finally agreed to disagree.

"How do you two do that?" Edward asked. "You hate what the other is doing, but you look over it and still find a way to meet in the middle."

"When we were little, Emmett and I learned early on that compromise made life easier. I think that's why we always find a way to make things work. We understand that each side has to give a little to get anything."

It wasn't quite as simple as I made it sound. I was furious with Emmett for not telling Jasper about his mom and sister. There was going to be some distance between us over the next few months because of this. It was all a part of my need to maintain a good relationship with the only part of my family I had left. If we got into a huge argument, it would only upset us both and accomplish nothing. I would forgive him in the end, just as he would me. Time apart would prevent the argument.

"So when you left my parent's house the other night, you didn't worry about losing Emmett at all?" Edward asked.

"No, I didn't. We argue and fight, but we always find our way back to each other. Emmett will accept what I do in the same way I accept his choices. He just lost his way when he followed Carlisle's lead."

The mention of his father made him frown. "My dad caused all this hell, and my mom doesn't even blink. It pisses me off."

"What did she say?"

"Just that I didn't understand how much my dad helped her, which made me feel like this is my fault."

Guilt and I were good friends, but he lost me on that one. "What do you mean?"

"If she didn't have me, she wouldn't have been dependent on him. She could have had her own life."

"Edward, I don't think you were what she was talking about."

He didn't get it, which was heartbreaking in its own right. "What else is there?"

I blamed this on his own sense of denial about his past. "Think about how difficult it must have been for your mom to trust anyone after what happened to her. As awful as Carlisle seems right now, there was a time when he was there for her when no one else was. Your mom was broken, and he put her back together with patience and love."

"That person isn't real. My dad is a manipulative asshole."

"But to your mother, he is the person who saved her. Only she can set the limits for what she will accept from him. You have to do the same."

"Like you with Jasper. He told me about that morning he left, and now you've taken him back despite what you know he is capable of."

It was exactly like Jasper and me, but my limits were different than Esme's. "If Jasper had a child with another woman, I wouldn't stay with him. I also wouldn't have looked over lies that caused a child to be separated from his mother. How did Esme explain that one?"

"They were worried Jasper's dad would kill Vivian if he found out she cheated on him, and they didn't want to take the chance that Jasper might let it slip if he knew where she was. This was why my mom kept quiet. When he was older, she wanted to tell him, but my dad said they still couldn't trust him to stay silent."

It was really about Carlisle's hate for Jasper. I wouldn't be able to look over half of what Esme did. Their relationship was what ours would be like if Jasper didn't respect my opinions. As terrible as my man could be, he listened to me. Carlisle only seemed to consider his own feelings these days.

People liked to point fingers and say Jasper controlled me. From outward appearances, it probably looked that way, but inside the walls of our house, I set more rules than he did. If he stepped across a line, I spoke up. I wasn't always as vocal as I needed to be, but for the most part, I stood up and said what needed to be said. I also knew when to keep quiet and let him have his way.

Jasper was a very domineering person by nature, and if given a loose leash, he would run over everyone, including me. The trick was discovering which strings to pull and how hard. He responded better to a soft touch and a gentle word. This was what I gave him. In turn, he pushed me when I needed it. Through our knowledge of each other, we made this work.

What helped us more than anything was how willing he was to compromise. He even changed his mind about Edward's car. The deciding factor was Esme. She insisted that Edward keep the car, and Jasper didn't object. She was the only person who showed him any motherly affection over the years, and he couldn't hold a grudge against her.

He wasn't so forgiving of Rosalie and Alice. They called him several times over the last several days, but he never once picked up the phone. When I commented on this, he said they picked their side and needed to live with it. I couldn't really blame him. For years, he supported them and looked after them, but when he needed them most, they weren't there for him.

I doubted Jasper would even miss them much. He wasn't like other people. His feelings were very hot and cold. Once he decided a person was out, his interest in their lives disappeared. It took a major shift to get this to change. Edward was a good example. Jasper tolerated him for me. If not for that, he wouldn't talk to him at all.

If there was anything set in stone for him, it was his feelings for me. Jasper would never stop loving me. Whether we were apart or together, he would go to his grave with his feelings for me intact. Of this, I was certain.

* * * * * *

On Thursday, a cold front moved in and with it came ice and snow. Coincidentally, the temperature dropped at the Cullen house. Esme kicked Carlisle out, and no one knew why. Edward left to go see her and called us an hour later to say he would be staying a few days.

This left Jasper and me alone for the first time since we got back together. It didn't start out very well. We were doing laundry when an argument started about my limited clothing options and the lack of items we had for the baby. He failed to understand that most people lived on a budget. I couldn't spend money like I had an endless supply of it. Now that he was back, I still felt much the same.

Jasper's mentality was simple. "You're my woman, and you're having my kid. Don't be a pain in the ass about spending our money."

"It's not ours," I reminded him as I hung up a few shirts.

"It would be if you would just marry me like I tell you."

Tell me? "Jasper, you don't tell someone to marry you. You ask, and they say yes or no."

"And you haven't said shit."

He was not a stupid person nor was his memory ever in question. He remembered everything and knew very well that he had never asked me to marry him.

"You have not asked, and I'm not so sure I would say yes if you did."

Predictably, Jasper had a problem with that. "Because having a kid together is less of a commitment?"

I grabbed a bundle of clothes and headed for our bedroom. "Don't be ridiculous. The problem is that you've only been back a week. Why are you always rushing things?"

"Don't pull that crap. We already know we're getting married before the baby is born. Why not just do it?"

_Just do it? _How was he able to find the worst possible way to express his thoughts? From _keeping_ _me_ to_ just do it_, I was getting tired of his tongue's inability to form simple but meaningful words.

"Wow, Jasper. Way to make it feel like a Nike commercial. Do I get tennis shoes instead of a ring, or will you just tattoo your last name across my forehead?"

"What do you want from me? I'm not Edward. I don't do roses and sweet words, and you aren't the kind of girl that needs that crap."

I hung up my shirts and thought about what he said. For one, we never decided we would get married before the baby was born. We hadn't even discussed it. As for the other, we were never a couple that exchanged gifts or went out of our way to be romantic.

Still, a little effort would be nice, but he wasn't that type of person. Jasper had the depth of an ocean but communicated his thoughts like a monkey throwing shit at a wall. He usually managed to paint a pretty picture, but it was not on account of any effort on his part to be elegant or tactful with his words.

Effort. What a hypocrite I was. In the months that passed since we were last together, I became an honor student in the Why Bother School of Effort. My preferred clothing was restricted to sweatpants and old t-shirts. I didn't bother making meals that required more than about ten minutes of work, and I left the house only when it was necessary. To put it short, I was lazy hermit. If something took work, I didn't do it.

Jasper massaged my shoulders. "You're frowning. I don't like that."

"I was standing here thinking that the problem wasn't the kind of woman I am but the kind of man you are. But I didn't even bother to put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. Why should you have to if I don't?"

"Could you translate that shit? It didn't make a damn bit of sense."

"I'm always thinking about what you do wrong. I never consider how my own behavior affects your attitude. Who does something romantic and sweet for a girl in frumpy clothes and a messy ponytail?"

He matched my confusing words with some of his own. "If you walked around naked and shaved your head, it wouldn't make my hair change color."

We had to be talking about two different things. When did I comment on shaving my head? And why would he need his hair to change color?

"What do you think we're talking about?" I asked.

Jasper shut down on me. "I don't care what we're talking about. I need to go work out."

The conversation ended abruptly when he exited the room. Only after he was gone did I realize he was throwing my own nonsense back at me. I didn't make sense to him, and he was returning the favor with crazy words of his own. He went to lift weights, and I stayed in our room trying to figure out what the real problem was.

Careful thought led me to one conclusion. I asked for too much. Jasper showed his love for me in a hundred different ways. He was seeing his doctor twice a week. He accepted Edward living with us when I knew he hated it. We were operating on my schedule. I was the one making the decisions about how close we got and how soon.

My contributions were sleeping late and letting him do the hard work. As a lovely bonus, I spent a significant amount of time with another man. When we did have a day for ourselves, I asked for more from him. It took today for me to realize that I hadn't fully appreciated how hard he was trying. My own smug attitude blinded me to what he did right. Basically, I sucked.

And if I was honest, Jasper was right. We would get married before the baby was born. We may not have talked about it yet, but we didn't need to. Both of us were on the same page when it came to being a family and what that entailed. All he did was say it in his usual blunt way. When he did, I closed off my ears and let my mouth run faster than my brain.

Thirty minutes later, he breezed by me, stripping off his sweat stained clothes. I grabbed them up off the floor and realized he was more upset that I initially thought. Jasper was a neat freak. Clothes were put away. Towels were straightened. His space was immaculate.

I made a classic mistake. "We need to talk."

He turned on the shower. "No, we don't. You need to talk, and you think I should listen."

Okay. He had me there. "Well, yeah."

"I don't wanna talk. Today, I want a shower, a hot meal, and a quiet woman."

Simple and uncomplicated. If that was what he wanted, it was what I would give him. I wasn't even bothered by it. I left him to his shower and went to the kitchen to figure out dinner. My hands went on autopilot. For the next few hours, I was busy and gave him his space.

Chicken and dumplings were a great comfort food on a freezing day. My recipe was from my grandmother, and I knew it by heart. I made a medium colored roux, sliced up onions, and cooked up my chicken for the stew.

While I cooked, Jasper sat at the bar with a laptop in front of him and a phone to his ear. He was mostly asking questions and waiting for answers. Different property names were mentioned and figures were spoken. It was a first for him to do all this with me around to listen in on him. He usually locked himself away in his study.

When the business side of things was finished, he moved on to personal. This part caught my attention. He was canceling my doctor's appointment for tomorrow and trying to reschedule it for next week.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He covered the receiver. "The weather is going to be worse tomorrow. I'm not driving up and down the hill with you in the car."

This was another thing he did. I hadn't even checked the weather because I knew I didn't have to do it. Jasper would watch. Prior to the weather hitting, he stocked up the kitchen and probably went through a checklist of items to make sure we had what we needed. He took care of everything.

Now, I really felt bad. What did I do? Nothing. I did nothing. Not a thing. Bella didn't do shit.

I had to be better. I started off by making sure he got his hot meal and the quiet he wanted. All the while, he grew more distant. When we went to bed, he didn't say much of anything, and I figured tomorrow was soon enough for us to talk.

The next day was no better. He kept his distance, and I spent the day reading a book. We weren't ignoring each other. It was just quiet between us.

* * * * * *

It was late Friday night, and my taste buds were screaming for a snack. I managed to slip out of bed without waking Jasper. After a quick and quiet tiptoe into the kitchen, I was now enjoying a mug of hot chocolate. Without my two babysitters around to watch me with their paranoid disapproval, I wrapped up in a blanket and went outside to the covered portion of the deck.

I could barely walk the length of a room without one of them at my side. Forget sitting on a table in the cold and gazing up at the stars. They would have a stroke. It was annoying in the extreme how watchful they were of me. Jasper had given me some breathing room the last two days, but it would likely end tomorrow.

I only had three delicious sips before I heard a door open and close.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" a hoarse voice asked from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Jasper walking towards me.

"I wanted a snack," I said with a smile before taking another sip.

"Outside? Are you insane?"

I pointed up at the sky. "I like stars."

As he moved closer, I noticed he was shirtless under his coat. Poor Jasper. He always had to deal with my eccentricities. A cold night under the stars wasn't normal at all to him.

He worked his hands under my blanket and discovered my bare legs. "How many times do I have to ask you to put on clothes?"

"Edward isn't here, remember?"

"You're outside, dammit. Use your head. You get pissed when we look out for you, but then you pull this crap."

Jasper had turned into the food, clothing, and activity police. When he tried to throw out my junk food, I threatened to cut off a certain member of his anatomy. It was a severe punishment meant to match the crime. Ice cream was sacrosanct to my pregnant taste buds. He needed to know this.

My clothing was also up for debate in his book. Somewhere along the way, feet became an obsession for him. If I wasn't wearing socks, he brought me some and put them on me like I was a toddler. Edward and I got a good laugh out of it, which was why I let it continue.

Right now, I was dressed like usual in one of his old shirts, and in Jasper's book, this was the ultimate lingerie. For me, it was softer fabric on my skin versus the itchiness of most of my t-shirts. My skin was alarmingly sensitive these days, especially with the cold weather.

I went back to sipping my hot chocolate and took time out to enjoy the view I had of my man under the moonlit night. His eyes were sleepy like a puppy, and his hair was sticking up funny in the back.

"What?" he asked.

"You look tired."

"I am. My woman gets up at odd times of the night, and she keeps kicking me while she sleeps."

He had only spent a grand total of three nights with me since we got back together. "Do I really kick you?"

"Yes. It's wearing me out and making me tired."

My eyes snapped up to his. I was wrong before. Jasper didn't look tired at all. He looked more awake than I had ever seen him. Sure, he had a relaxed stance, but his eyes told a different story. His exhaustion wasn't physical.

I ducked my head guiltily. "I'm sorry I kick you. Not just in bed. I kicked you yesterday, and I didn't even know I was doing it."

"That wasn't kicking. It was you being honest. I haven't asked, and you would be insane to say yes if I did."

"But you were right about what you said."

Jasper shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about this tonight."

He was right again. Knowing me, it would turn into an all day discussion while I went back and forth on what I wanted to do. He would get frustrated, and I would think he wasn't listening. I settled for sipping at my hot chocolate. It was conflict free and tasted divine.

Jasper was my visual snack. I remembered a time when I needed to touch him just to convince myself that he was real. How could someone so beautiful on the outside be filled with so many storm clouds on the inside? I used to think of him as my beautiful nightmare. Any changes in him were mostly for my benefit, which made him my magnificent dream and other people's nightmare.

Make that a Boy Scout. He pulled a knit hat out of a coat pocket and fit it snug on my head covering my eyes. I pushed it up with the back of my hand so I could see him.

"Are there socks in your other pocket?" I asked innocently, thinking of his new cold foot fetish.

He burst out with laughter. "Hell no. But you can feel around and see what you find."

Jasper smiled that grin of his, and I was back at the lake thinking about the devil and how fun fire could be. I would sign any contract imaginable to be with this man. My soul. My sanity. My life. All of it was up for negotiation.

I shook off the blasphemous thoughts and held up my mug to him. "Would you like some?"

With him out here, the chilly temperature began to warm. Hot chocolate was no longer a necessity. I just needed his hands and some delicious friction.

Jasper's eyes lowered to my lips. "I do want some."

He took my mug and set it off to the side. The corners of my lips twitched up into a hint of a smile when he placed his warm hands on my knees. Those strong hands ran slowly up my legs, and I felt my stomach clinch up into a knot.

He drifted even higher, and one of his brilliant thumbs applied perfect pressure just where I needed it. _Oh my sweet hell. _

"You should never cover your legs, Bella."

Somehow I managed to talk. "What about Edward?"

"He doesn't seem so important right now," Jasper answered gruffly.

I grazed my fingers over the muscles of his stomach. "So, what was it you wanted?"

"You know what I want, Bella."

"I think we should..." My words stopped when one of his hands moved under my shirt.

He leaned down and kissed the side of my neck. "What do you think we should do?" he whispered close to my ear.

"Go inside."

"Should we?"

"Oh God, yes," I answered hoarsely.

Jasper's teeth nipped at the skin of my collar bone and sent another chill down my back.

I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Please."

He moved his hands to my waist and picked me up. I had no clue where we were going and didn't care. I was a little busy keeping a tight hold on my blanket. When we reached the back door, Jasper pushed my back against it and reached for the handle. I raised my head and placed slow, breathy kisses along his neck.

"Dammit, stop," he growled as he struggled to get his hand out from under the blanket enough to open the door.

"You're taking a long time," I teased.

He tightened his hold on my ass, and I squealed. "Cheater."

"Tease."

His hand finally got to the handle, and he shoved the door open banging it against the wall loudly.

"Shush," I said through my laughter.

Jasper was less than amused and kicked the door closed behind us. He carried me just a few steps and set me down on the dining table bringing us to a more manageable height difference.

I grabbed his coat pulling him closer, and he stepped up spreading my legs further apart with his hands. My fingers clamped down on the table as he moved his hands to my backside before pulling me closer to the edge.

"You drive me crazy with the wild shit you do," he complained while he worked on the buttons of my shirt. "Who the hell sits outside half naked when it's this damn cold?"

I had a blanket but whatever. And thank goodness I did. This table would be cold and hard without it.

My mind moved on from the stars and blankets. It was now preoccupied with telling my hands to peel off his coat and work on the front of the jeans he had on. The lazy, brilliant man didn't even fasten them all the way. God bless him.

Seconds later, my clothes were on the floor, and his jeans were pushed down. I stupidly took a hold of him and heard him hiss. "Fuck your hands are freezing."

My immature, silly side imagined a Popsicle. I laughed. Jasper didn't. He kissed my giggles away and guided himself to a warm destination. My breath caught as he pushed into me slowly. The sensation of having him inside me was so much greater now. I impatiently tightened my legs around him drawing him in deeper.

Disregarding my urgency, Jasper tried to take his time. His fear of hurting me overrode his own needs.

"Lie back for me."

I leaned back, and as I did, he trailed his hands down my neck and body. I took a deep breath as I relished in the sensation of his rough touch moving over my skin. When he reached my waist, he moved his hands back up slowly. I grasped on tight to the edge of the table as I arched my back. His touch was heaven sent.

When he cupped my breasts, I groaned loudly and rolled my head back. "Damn, this feels good."

He continued to massage up and down my abdomen. "Yes, you do."

I took his hands in mine and kissed them. "Stop teasing me, and give me what I want."

Hard. Fast. Now. I got what I wanted, and coherent words left.

* * * * * *

The morning sun radiated brightly through the windows of the house. Jasper and I were cuddled up in front of the fireplace reading a book together. Sort of. He read slower than me, and while I waited for him to turn the page, I contentedly watched him.

We were ridiculously happy today. The small touches we shared before he left were back with a vengeance. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. A lock of hair was brushed back. I ran my fingers along the veins in his arms. His caresses were more centrally located. Circles were drawn on the palm of my right hand. It was what he always did.

I traced a scar along Jasper's hairline. It was a new find for me. I couldn't help but wonder if it was a gift from his father or if it came from one of the many fights he had.

He saw the question in my eyes. "Spring of my sophomore year. I was drunk and over-medicated. I tripped, and a brick wall broke my fall."

I barely recognized him as the same person from six months ago. I could only imagine the person he was at sixteen. It was before he became the hardened person I met at eighteen. That Jasper loved no one, especially himself.

Years ago, we developed a strange relationship where we knew each other better than anyone else, but we still didn't know each other at all. Now, I did know him, and he was more precious to me than anyone.

"You've come a long way since then, Jasper. We both have."

A deep frown cut into his face. "It'll never be enough. I try and fail every time, and you're the one that suffers for it."

"If that were the truth, I wouldn't be here, and we wouldn't be together. We only fail when we allow ourselves to be split apart. Together we win every time."

Our life was never going to be easy. We would have challenges like everyone else did. I accepted this. My brother and so many others never understood why I kept coming back. It wasn't love. It was my belief in Jasper. He could be the person he wanted to be. He just needed help staying on the path he picked for himself. It was all his choice where he went and what he did. Changing. Growing. He put in the effort. I just held his hand along the way and would continue to do so for the rest of my life.

Hearing that in my head convinced me to follow my instincts. There wasn't going to be any of this back and forth that frustrated and confused him. I set our book to the side and picked my favorite day.

"Friday," I said firmly.

"Friday, what?"

"It was a Friday night when we first agreed to see each other in secret. I want to get married this Friday. Just you and me like we started out in the beginning. For a honeymoon, I want a few weeks at our cabin in Washington. We can tell everyone the news when we get back."

He started to object, but I placed a finger across his lips. "Don't speak. I know I screwed this up. Give me a second to come up with something better."

Better turned out to be three simple words.

"Marry me, Jasper."

His mouth fell open with shock. I used a light touch to close it for him. "This is where you say yes or no."

I didn't get either. Jasper went with something only he would say in this moment. "You are such a pain in my ass."

Unexpected answer. I wasn't sure what he meant by it. "But you love me anyway, right?"

"Grudgingly. Hopelessly. Completely. And all that other crap."

He stood up and barely glanced back at me. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

I waited my minute, and ten more followed with no Jasper. Another five came and went. What the hell?

I finally went searching for him. Our bedroom door was cracked open, and I saw him sitting at the foot of our bed. He was rocking back and forth and clutching something tightly in his hands.

I entered the room and shut the door behind me. "Jasper, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. Every time I get something I want, it gets ripped out of my hands. That can't happen anymore, Bella. I can't take it again."

"It won't."

He rose to his feet and crossed over to me. "Promise you'll go through with it. I don't care if I cut Edward's head off. You marry me Friday."

Some people might be scared by that. I found it endearing, in a deranged, homicidal kind of way. "I promise."

His radiant smile about knocked me down. Rarely had I ever seen him so happy. Then, he dropped to his knees and kissed my belly before whispering something to Hale. I laughed at his silliness.

The next thing I knew, Jasper was slipping a ring on my finger.

"You have all of me, Bella."

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. I hope the chapter was worth it. It wasn't a traditional engagement, but they always do everything a little backwards. I think it fit them. I just hope everyone agrees. My question is do you think it's too soon? Then again, with their luck, a non-wedding is as likely as a wedding.  
**

**Thanks for all the well wishes for my husband. He is still sick but feeling better than he did before. **

**Thanks also for the wonderful reviews from the last chapter. I'm sorry for not replying. My schedule has been very difficult lately, which explains the lack of a chapter last week.**

**If all goes well, the next chapter will post on Wednesday. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I'll be on time.  
**


	36. Chapter 36

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 36 - An Agitated Bride

The calm Jasper I enjoyed for the last week was replaced by a nervous wreck. It was all on account of our plans to marry on Friday. He was so intent on it being perfect. In a typical Jasper move, he took control of everything. This was one of those times when I knew stepping back was the right decision. If he handled everything, it would keep him focused.

Take my feet. His need to make sure they were warm was really about him finding something about my health that he could control. If my feet were warm, he connected it to me staying healthy. It was a silly notion. Unless I was warding off frostbite, the two really had nothing to do with one another, but I dared anyone to convince him of that.

This was just one example of the strange way his head worked. Jasper always focused on little things in an effort to keep his thoughts straight. It was why he counted Cheerios in the laundry room. It slowed down his brain and got him back on track. We had boxes of the cereal in the pantry but never ate any of it.

With us getting married and leaving for a few weeks, there were tons of little details for him to work out. I took care of the family side of things. We were both in agreement that most people didn't need to know we were getting married. I knew it would hurt a few feelings, but I had to measure that against what worked best for us.

At no time did involving our friends ever lead to anything good. They complicated my life, and my relationship inevitably suffered because of it. This was too important to risk their interference. As Jasper said, he couldn't handle losing anything else. My job was to see that he didn't.

This brought me to my current task. It was Monday morning, and I was at a small diner. My brother was sitting across from me wolfing down his food. Jasper was at another table giving us space to talk in private.

"I'm surprised he doesn't have an armed guard accompanying you," Emmett commented sourly through his monstrous bites.

I pointed over at a random stranger. "That's him right there. Don't let the cane and the wrinkles fool you. That old man can kick your butt."

"The cane says I can outrun him."

"True, but what you don't know is he medaled in the javelin at the 1948 Olympics. He would just spear you from a distance."

My gullible brother took a second look. "For real."

"No, but he could be. The point is that he's more than just some stranger eating eggs, and every person in his life sees a different side of him. That holds true for everyone."

Emmett picked up his fork. "Whatever you say. Can we just get to the point of why we're here?"

"Way to make me feel like you don't want to see me. Thanks for that."

"What am I supposed to do? Pretend I'm happy you're back with Jasper. I'm not, but I also promised him I would leave you two alone. That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

Just as I wasn't happy with him keeping the truth about Jasper's mom to himself. "You shouldn't have kept Carlisle's secret."

"We all do shit we shouldn't. Would you like me to list your mistakes? Most start and end with Jasper Whitlock."

We were going in circles. It was getting old. "I wanted to see you so I could let you know we're leaving for a few weeks. We're going up to Washington."

"Is Edward going?"

"No, he's staying here."

Emmett groaned out his anger. "Perfect. You and Jasper alone where no one can help you. You just keep screwing up, and I keep worrying. Go. Have fun. Let me know if he kills you."

That was unnecessary and just mean. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem is the morning he left you. Rose told me what really happened. You lied to me about all of it. Your hands. The reason he left. How am I supposed to look over that shit?"

Stupid Rose. "She doesn't even know the whole story."

"But what she knows is bad enough. You lied, and now you're judging me for keeping Carlisle's secret. We all screw up, but you're the only one that seems to think your reasons make it okay."

"That's not fair."

"What's not fair is how I have to sit back and watch my sister make stupid decisions that put her at risk. You love him. Fine. I get it. But guess what? That doesn't justify overlooking how dangerous he is."

Any protest I was going to make was cut off by his next words. "The Bella I know wouldn't put Jasper above her child, and that's what you do every time you let him near you. How long before he hurts you again? How long before he loses it like he did before?"

Emmett stood up and threw some money on the table. "Take care of yourself. You know where to find me when you need me."

And this was why Jasper and I wanted to keep our plans quiet. No one would support our decision to get married. I couldn't really say I blamed them. If I were them, I would probably agree.

* * * * * *

Edward returned home while Jasper and I were out meeting with angry brothers and getting a marriage license. We had a full morning already, but it was about to be capped off with some Cullen angst. He was lying on his bed with his arms covering his eyes.

"What?" he asked when he heard me close the door.

"I just came to see how you are."

"I'm shitty."

I sat down on the end of the bed. "Anything I can do?"

"Can you make my parents better people?"

The plural wasn't lost on me. "I can't really help you with that, but I can remind you that no one is perfect."

Edward was quiet for a few minutes before whispering out part of the problem. "Marriage is a sham. Monogamy is an realistic expectation. Family is a joke."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

He dropped a bomb on me. "Mom is leaving my father for another man."

Huh? Come again. "What?"

"She told me she's divorcing my dad. It didn't surprise me. After all we've found out, I knew they didn't have the relationship we thought they did. So, I spent the last few days being the good son by being there if she needed me."

I waited impatiently for him to get to the part about the other man. It didn't take long.

"This morning I was getting ready to come back over here when she told me about one of the teachers at the school she works. He sounded like a nice guy. He's a widower with two kids in their teens."

The obvious guess was an affair. I was wrong.

"They're in this G-rated Disney relationship. Even when my mom steps out, she still does it in a nice way. They haven't so much as kissed, but she wants to leave my dad to explore a relationship with this man."

This was different than I expected. "Why did she decide to do this now?"

"The man – his name is Greg. He asked her why she was pretending to be happy when the whole world could see she wasn't. The worst part is that I didn't know she was unhappy, but this man, this stranger, he knew."

This was further proof that no one really knew the whole story about anyone. We were all in the dark and doing the best with what we had. How much did we ever really know about anyone? We assigned people certain places in our lives and expected them to meet the expectations that came with that. For years, I thought Esme and Carlisle had the perfect marriage. Reality was much different.

"You have your own life, Edward. You can't know everything."

He sat up. "Having everything out in the open about my dad made her see that this was her chance to start fresh. She doesn't have to protect me anymore. She can have her own life now."

It was starting to make sense to me. Part of why Esme stayed with Carlisle and kept his secrets was because of her fear that Edward would spiral back into the person he was when I first met him in Forks. She put on a smile for his benefit but now realized she didn't have to. Edward was stronger and more secure in himself.

How long did she sacrifice her own happiness over her fears for her son? Too long. Carlisle was right when he said that parents couldn't do what they wanted. They had to do what was right. But was sacrificing your own happiness ever really the right choice?

I couldn't avoid how this related to my current situation. I could say it was different, but at its heart, it wasn't. This was where I would usually start doubting Jasper again, but it didn't happen this time. There was a different lesson in all this. No one benefited from the lies that were told in the name of protection. People were hurt. Families were broken.

My path was still clear in front of me. It always led me in the same direction, which was straight to Jasper. All my instincts told me that denying us a chance at happiness would be a mistake. With this in mind, I stuck to my path and smiled over the choice.

"You're smiling," Edward observed.

Our talk about his parents was over. I knew he didn't want to discuss it anymore, and I changed the subject to my news. "Jasper and I are getting married on Friday."

We had already decided that Edward was the only person we would tell.

He returned my smile. "I take it no one else knows."

I shook my head. "We plan on going to Washington for a few weeks and then telling them when we get back. But now, I feel like a big hypocrite for keeping it a secret."

"Don't. The others will cause complications you don't need. Alice will want to make it this big thing. Rosalie will be bulled up over it not being her wedding. Emmett will be pissed because you're marrying Jasper."

"And how do you feel about it?"

Edward shrugged. "I think you should be prepared for some of Jasper's bad side to come back out. He doesn't react well to change even when it's something he wants. It'll probably hit when you get back from Washington."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"It's unavoidable. He'll be good when it's just you two, but when you get back, he'll start feeling the pressure."

Which was something I felt now. It was the frustration of knowing that this would be a constant problem. There would always be something to throw Jasper off, and I would have to ride out the storm and hope it didn't get too bad.

Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Don't get upset about this. I'll be here if you need me. You know that."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I know. Maybe it won't be bad. He's getting everything he ever wanted."

"And so are you. Just be patient with him. Jasper always has odd notions about stuff. It'll be the same with being married."

* * * * * *

"What do you mean you won't sleep with me?" I asked Jasper later that night.

He had moved as far from me as he could without getting out of bed entirely. "Not sleep. Sex. We can't have sex until we get married."

I threw one of his favorite questions at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Jasper actually blushed. "Don't curse. We have to stop doing that."

"That's a laugh. I'd like to see you try."

"I will. I also threw out all my liquor. I can't be the same dad to Hale that my dad was to me."

This was great, but it had nothing to do with sex. "And why can't we make love?"

He stumbled over an answer. "We've been backwards on everything. I want a perfect start for us."

"Isn't it a bit late for that?" I pointed down at the obvious proof.

"Don't pressure me into sex."

This was the same man that yelled at me months ago for being a prude. Tonight, he was envisioning regrown hymens and wishing for a chastity belt. It had to be a joke. I laughed. He didn't.

Jasper stuck his bottom lip out and pouted. "Don't laugh at me. I'm serious. I was even going to move to the other room, but I don't think I could sleep without you."

Wow. I was being the insensitive one. This was new for us. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. I really thought you were joking."

"This is important to me. We're only getting married once, and getting it right is imperative."

"I agree. You just surprised me is all."

He started backpedaling. "I'm being stupid, right?"

I crawled over to him and kissed him chastely on the cheek. "You're being sweet, and if you want to wait, we will."

My lady parts were not happy when we settled for talking. I searched for a nonsexual topic. Edward was perfect.

"Did you talk to Edward about his parents?"

"Men don't talk about that stuff. I beat him at pool and split a bag of popcorn with him. He seemed fine."

I caught him up on Edward's story before expressing my concerns. "I don't know if we should leave him here alone with all this going on."

"He's not a puppy, Bella. You can't have him tag along everywhere we go."

"But he'll be all alone, and he needs me."

"Edward needs time to figure out what he wants without you and everyone else yapping in his ear. It'll do him good to be alone for a while. He's never had that."

Or we were being selfish by not being here for our friend. "I don't know. He's always here for me. I need to do the same for him."

"How much does it piss you off when Emmett thinks he knows what's best for you? You're doing the same to Edward. It's his life. Let him live it. If he needed you, he'd tell you."

Jasper said his peace and rolled over to go to sleep. This left me to think about what he said. Was I acting like my brother, or was I just being a good friend? Then again, Emmett was just trying to be a good brother. How could that possibly be wrong?

I went to sleep not knowing if I was a good friend or a bad one. That was life though. A person never knew for sure what was the right choice. They simply did the best they could.

* * * * * *

We had one very important thing to do this week before we could get married and run off for a few weeks. This was the appointment where I was hopefully going to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. Jasper was as anxious as I was about it. This brought out the spender in him.

"We need a different house. What if our kid falls down the hill? We could get something right next to the hospital, but the neighborhood sucks. I could build us the perfect house. White picket fence. Beer dog. That might work."

"Our house is fine."

"It's unlucky. We fight. We yell. I get drunk. It's a bad place. We need a home that is ours and not a hand me down with a generation of bad history in the walls."

I agreed with him, but something was holding me back from saying so. The only reason I could think of was that I just didn't feel settled yet. Being in this town felt temporary. I didn't want to purchase a new home when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay here.

Jasper was unaware of my drifting thoughts and moved on to names. "The next names on the family list just aren't okay. We are not naming our kid Elmer or Mildred. That will not happen. None of that fancy stupid shit either. Our kid won't get picked on because of her name. Jadandy and Jadipshit won't fly."

He was doing a wonderful job with the cursing. I gave him six hours before the abstinence plan went up in smoke.

I switched us to what I thought would be an easier topic. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"Neither, but I know that's all they come in. Unless there's something wrong, which I don't wanna think about."

All they come in. Wow. Only him. "How can you want neither?"

"A boy would be too much of a pain if he's just like me. A girl would drive me crazy with the boyfriend thing. What I really want is a boy with your personality or a homely daughter, but that won't happen. With your looks and my genes, we're screwed. A daughter will be beautiful like you, and a boy will be as wild as me. I'm picking neither."

Jasper was either losing it or so nervous he wasn't hearing the nonsense coming out of his mouth.

"Interesting ideas you have there."

He smiled like it was a compliment. It wasn't.

Two hours later, he was struck dumb by the news that we were having a boy. It genuinely surprised him that we weren't having a _neither_. I hadn't heard a word out of him since we were given the news, which was nice considering his habit of saying the worst thing possible. I really didn't want the doctor listening in on his insanity.

We were back home when Jasper came down from his cloud of male pride and spewed his usual crap. "I knew we would get it right the first time."

What the hell did that mean? Would a girl have been wrong? No, she would have been wonderful. Was a boy just better in his eyes? That had better not be the case. I would have to punch him.

Edward plopped down on the sofa next to me. "What did you get right the first time?"

"We're having a boy, and Jasper seems to think that means we got it right the first time."

My friend laughed at my man. "Riling a pregnant woman into a feminist fury is never a good plan. I'm taking her side."

"Pansy," Jasper muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked. "You think a man that takes a woman's side is a pansy."

"An uninformed man that bends to an irrational woman's anger is a weak shit. Just because you're mad doesn't mean you're right."

Edward mimed out a digging motion with a shovel.

Jasper crossed his arms over his chest. "Use a real shovel. Then, I can crack you over the head with it."

"You're the one making the little mama mad," Edward snapped back. "Hit yourself."

"All I was saying was that we were able to find out today. Some people have to go back a second time to find out what they're having. We got our answer the first time. That's all I meant. Bella just turns shit into something it isn't."

Jasper stalked out of the room, and I heard a door slam a few minutes later.

Damn. I was the bad guy. Again.

Edward tried to help me. "You know what he's really mad about, right?"

"I'm an idiot that doesn't listen."

"Nope. He's used to that. He's mad because you give other people the benefit of the doubt but not him."

"If that were true, I wouldn't be with him."

"Take your pretty eyes off the big picture and look at the little one. When a man says something you women don't like, you gals like to interpret it in the worst way possible. Quit expecting him to think and talk like you."

Edward was right. Why was I screwing up so much here lately? I felt like every word out of my mouth was wrong and every action I did was poorly executed.

Frustration made me tear up. "I mess up everything. I don't even mean to. It just happens. I just want to make him happy."

Dr. Edward stepped up with valuable advice. "That's exactly your problem. You both keep dialing in on your individual mistakes and blowing them out of proportion because you're scared to mess this up again. Not every disagreement or slip of the tongue is a big deal."

He didn't understand how critical it was for me to be careful about what happened this time around. "I can't afford mess ups. I have to do what's best all the time."

"You never have before. Why start now?"

That was a slap to the smart section of my brain. _Wake up, Bella. You were never perfect to begin with. _

Jasper was doing the exact same thing. From his plans for a new house to no sex until we got married, he was trying to make sure everything fit the perfect image in his head. We were both wrong. Perfect was an unattainable goal.

I stood up with a better handle on my issues. "You're a good friend, Edward."

"That's what you pay me for. Now, go apologize to him."

Jasper was in our bedroom sitting in a chair with a picture in his hands. He set it aside when I approached and then pulled me onto his lap. I apologized immediately, but he just shrugged it off. He wasn't mad. He was back to feeling tired again. We went back to an old standard where we pointed out what bothered us about the other person.

"You've started snoring. It keeps me up," he said several minutes later.

"You keep throwing my bananas away. I eat them for the fiber and the potassium, not because I like them."

He brought a lock of my hair up and breathed in deeply. "I'm going to start hiding my shampoo and soap. You shouldn't smell like me. You should smell like you. I miss the strawberries."

I ran my fingers through his hair. "I like your hair better when it's longer."

He smiled at that one. "I only cut it because I thought it was for the best. I couldn't keep looking like a vagrant when I went to meetings."

That was the whole problem right there. "It's funny how what's best isn't always what's right."

"And it sucks that we figure that shit out too late every time."

The bright spot in all this was that our children would hopefully have a leg up on us. We didn't have loving relationships to use as examples to follow. They would.

"Hey, Jasper."

"Hmm."

"A boy or girl doesn't matter. We're having a family."

"Damn right we are."

* * * * * *

Jasper left Wednesday afternoon and didn't tell me where he was going. All he said was that he would see me on Friday. I was not okay with this. Not even a little bit.

The next two days were agonizingly slow. I called him every hour for the silliest reasons. I saw a deer from the back windows. A light burned out in the kitchen. I couldn't find the bulbs. The wind was making something whistle outside. Edward shaved my head. This last one was just to get my man to come home. He didn't buy the lie.

On Thursday, I planned to limit my calls. That lasted one time. Jasper got scared when I was ten minutes late with my call. Edward started doing cheers and chants about codependence, which were not remotely inspiring to Team Bella. I flipped him the bird and stomped off to the kitchen for a snack. Ice cream tasted better without Jasper here to frown at my food.

When Friday finally arrived, I was ready to leave the second my eyes popped open. I jumped up out of bed and took a quick shower before dressing hurriedly. I ran into the living room and came to a sliding stop when I saw that Edward wasn't up. I peeked into his room and found him unconscious. Fucker.

A long wait followed. One hour turned into four. Edward got up. I glared at him like this was his fault. He just smiled like an angel and ate some cereal. This made me envision stabbing him in the eyes with the spoon.

I was a new kind of Bridezilla. I didn't care how I got married to Jasper. I just wanted it to happen right this second. Yesterday would have been better, and last week would have been freaking awesome.

I tried to be the good girl by keeping my complaints to a minimum. This left when Edward didn't make a move to get me out of this damn house.

"Where is Jasper? I need to see him."

"Call him."

The beast in me growled. "I did call. He hasn't answered even once today. It's complete crap. Take me to my man. Now."

My anger was funny to him. "Whine. Whine. You're the one that put him in charge. You can't stop playing the game just because you don't like it anymore."

"This isn't a game. I want Jasper. When can I see him?"

Edward looked at the bunny clock. "We're supposed to leave in three hours, but that's all I'm telling you."

I kissed him on the forehead. "You are a god."

"And you will get me killed if you ever do that again."

That warranted a rolling of the eyes. "Funny."

"No, that's serious. You getting married changes things, Bella. Jasper will go back to not wanting anyone to so much as touch you. This is gonna last for a while. Watch what you do."

If Jasper didn't trust Edward, he would never have left me alone with him, especially right before we were supposed to get married. This showed just how far these two had come in so little time. Edward was worrying for nothing.

* * * * * *

Six hours later.

"Where are we going?" I demanded for the fourth time.

"Bella, I have two jobs. I'm supposed to take you to a house and then leave you there. That's it. Jasper gave me fifty rules on what I could and could not do while carrying out those two objectives. Answering questions breaks ten of those rules."

"And not answering will earn you a broken neck. I haven't seen Jasper in two days, and it's making me insane. Show a little compassion."

Edward considered my request. "Fine, but you say nothing to him. Promise?"

I clapped my hands together. "I promise."

"It's some house that his company is using as a model for a development they're working on. He's talked about it on the phone all week, but you didn't know what it was about."

I remembered those calls and how I tuned them out at the time. "Did he buy this house?"

"Technically, you could say he already owns it, but it's not in his personal holdings. If you like it, he'll probably have to buy it from himself, but I don't know how all that works."

If Jasper was letting us use it for tonight, he was already pretty confident that I would like it. Knowing him, this was my wedding present.

_Oh no. _"What do you buy for someone who has everything? I didn't get him a gift. Shouldn't I have something for him? Isn't that like a rule?"

Edward laughed at me. This was happening a lot here lately. "You are the gift. I saw your wrapping paper a few days ago. It's a dress. You'll look beautiful."

_A dress. No. No. No. No. No._ "I don't wanna wear a dress. This was supposed to be some boring thing where we said a few words, signed our names, and left for Washington."

I started to panic. "He didn't invite anyone, did he?"

"Of course not. It's you, him, and a Justice of the Peace. This is not a big deal."

"Then, why do I have to wear a dress?"

"It's not some fancy thing. It's a Bella dress. Simple with one of those empire waist things to allow for the little guy. Kind of a champagne color. You'll like it."

When the hell did they become bosom buddies? "I can't believe he got me a dress and then showed it to you."

Edward turned down a road and accelerated. "Jasper wants you to be happy. The dress made him nervous."

Ah. My wonderful man was nervous. The dress was another of those little things he did just to make me happy. "He's so sweet."

Edward coughed out a laugh. "Sweet like antifreeze."

We arrived at a large house several minutes later. Edward accompanied me inside and checked his watch constantly. "Hurry up and change. I only have a ten minute window."

I should have known there was a schedule to this whole day. I changed quickly and called for him to come zip up my dress. It really was beautiful. It also fit remarkably well considering.

When I turned around, Edward had a frazzled look on his face. "You...uhm...look nice."

I smiled at the compliment. "Thank you. You were right. I do like the dress."

"I should go. I'll see you in a few weeks."

He made an abrupt exit, and I rushed out a goodbye. "Be careful on the way home. And thank you, Edward, for bringing me here. I'm sorry I was a brat all day."

He stopped at the door. "You weren't a brat. You were an agitated bride. I'm just glad I had this last day with you."

I had to have my hug.

Edward started to get choked up. "Just be happy."

"You, too."

* * * * * *

Dimmed lighting. Soft music. A spicy smell that reminded me of mandarin orange candles I loved but could no longer find. The lights in the house guided me through the rooms and to my destination on the back deck. It was a beautiful setting with a clear lake reflecting the light of a dying day, but I wouldn't know this until tomorrow.

Time broke, and all I saw was Jasper.

I stood in one spot for countless minutes. Barely breathing. Heart beating rapidly. I hung on every move he made. There was a smile and a deep breath that didn't fool me. The shaking hands were a dead giveaway that he was nervous and close to falling apart.

This got my feet moving. There was no traditional march down an aisle. It was me going to him like I always did and always would. A man stood next to him, but I couldn't even say what he looked like. Jasper filled my eyes.

I saw blond hair lit with a red tint from a nearby fire and a face as beautiful as the heart only I was allowed to see. A white dress shirt was unbuttoned at the neck yet Jasper still pulled at it. He felt constricted here with another person so close to us. It was a shame a wedding required someone to perform the service.

Our hands met like long lost friends, and his fingers went right to tracing those same circles that relaxed me like nothing else. The night tinted his eyes dark but didn't hide the relief that he wore like a suit. Only now that he was touching me did Jasper accept that this was really happening. It was the same for me.

My thumbs ran over the scars I knew so well. They were evidence of a broken spirit that was pieced back together but still not whole. Our love was a jagged shard that would bring us both closer to completion. Finding it had cut us up and left us damaged, but it brought us home. Painful. Desperate. Strangely reassuring. We never made sense.

The part came where we were supposed to repeat timeless words. Jasper's voice lulled me into a dream, and his eyes promised me forever.

My turn came. I couldn't meet his eyes and not cry. My solution was to rest my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and spoke my vows to the rhythm of his heart. It stayed steady and true until it skipped a beat on the last words.

Man and wife. Together. Finally.

The man left after we signed the papers. He shook Jasper's hand and congratulated us before slipping away quietly. I stared out at the lake and whispered my new name while I waited for my husband to come to me.

In five minutes a person's life could shift completely. The whole thing felt rushed. I almost wanted to ask if this was all we needed to do. Marrying should be more complicated. People should have to jump through hoops and dance a jig. This would probably cause me to injure myself, but the sacrifice seemed justified.

And how was it that I was in a strapless dress and not remotely chilled? The little details caught up to me. The darkened silhouettes of tall trees. An outdoor fireplace. The sound of water lapping against a dock just down from the house. This place was a much more luxurious version of our cabin in Washington.

If I wished, this could be my house. Jasper would buy it without question or hesitation. He probably already expected to.

_Jasper. _

Where was he? I turned around and spotted him leaned back against a wall. He was watching me with the same intensity he always did. He took a last drink from his glass before setting it down. When he pushed away from the wall, my heartbeat quickened.

The slow stroll in my direction was a return to the confident man I hadn't seen in a while. There was nothing for him to doubt now.

He took my hand and examined the ring. "You didn't notice the part I had him leave out."

"What part was that?"

"I didn't kiss the bride."

Oh. I blinked up at him in confusion. "Why didn't you?"

"The first time I kiss my wife should be for my eyes only. I'm possessive like that. I won't share any part of us."

I pulled him down to me. "Then, you better tell the stars to close their eyes."

Jasper kissed me, and the slow, steady rush of love continued from one touch to the next.

* * *

**Author's Note: Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone reading the story. I hope you are still enjoying it. I really appreciate the continued support you have shown. It really means a lot.**

**This was another later update than I wanted to post. It's looking like late afternoon Wednesday will be the new goal. Oh well. Better late than never. **

**See you next week.**

**- Cris  
**


	37. Chapter 37

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 37 - Old Ghosts

Color swatches surrounded us. Everything from pumpkin to indigo blue was represented. In addition to the individual cards, there were several different groupings of colors arranged around pictures cut from one of the many catalogs Jasper gathered for our project.

We were sitting on the floor in the living room of the cabin trying to decide how to decorate the nursery. Two blissful weeks had passed since our wedding in Texas. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy, and it was all due to Jasper.

He was a different person but somehow still recognizable as the one I loved. Gone were the signs of strain that aged him several years. He smiled all the time and laughed loud and often. The paranoia and fear that marked him before had evaporated the night we were married. He was finally sleeping better and able to enjoy life again.

I leaned back against him and yawned. "I like groups two and five. What do you think?"

"I think we should hire a designer and call it a day. Besides, you haven't decided where you wanna live yet. Pick a house first, and we can get to the rest later."

This was about the house where we were married. The plans for the development were canceled because of the poor economy and lagging real estate market. Jasper wanted to buy the house and the surrounding land. I agreed with him that we needed a fresh start. I just wasn't sure Texas was the place to do that.

I turned so that I was facing him. "What would you say if I told you I wanted to live in Washington?"

The first frown in two weeks appeared on his face. "I can't live here again, Bella. I won't do it. This cabin. This town. I can't stay here permanently."

"But you love this place."

"I thought I did, but I don't see it the same way I did before."

It was the place he escaped. It was the only real home he had. "I don't understand."

He looked off behind me. "Can we talk about something else? How about names?"

There was always something hidden in the background with him, and I was as lost as usual when it came to figuring out an answer. Jasper would explain when he was ready. He always did.

I went along with the subject change. "I like Galen Swan."

"Over my dead body."

We went back and forth and never came up with a name we both agreed on. I was only half trying. My mind was still on what it was about Washington that bothered him. To me, it was the place we found each other, but to him, it was something else entirely.

* * * * * *

Three days later, we were forced to leave our quiet retreat and go grocery shopping. I had a very specific list of items I couldn't live without. Jasper didn't appreciate the fine nuances of food selection. Take eggs. I wanted my DHA eggs. He thought that was weird.

"What the hell are they doing to chickens these days?"

"Genetic engineering," I lied.

He put his science hating foot down. "My kid gets normal eggs from a normal chicken. That's it."

"I was joking, Jasper. The chickens are normal. They just get fed a diet rich in DHA. There's no freaky science to it, and it helps with Hale's development."

I handed him the eggs he picked out. "Please get the ones I want."

He returned to dairy, and I moved down to frozen food. With him gone, I could spend the necessary minutes choosing the ice cream I wanted. He would raise his snooty, fat sniffing nose and tell me I needed to eat more fruit, which was crazy considering how much of it I already ate.

My ice cream time was interrupted by someone bumping my cart. "Oh my. You're Bella Swan."

Terrific. I looked over and saw a person I never wanted to see again in my life. Lauren Mallory. She now had short blond hair and makeup applied with a much lighter touch. She was actually quite pretty.

I knew nothing happened with her and Jasper back in high school, but I still didn't want to talk to her. "Hi. Fancy seeing you here."

"Well, I do live here, silly. But what about you? Where have you been?"

None of your damn business. It was right around the corner from the fifty-first state I named Leave Me Alone. The state flag had a hand gesture that summed up my feelings for her with a single finger raised in a friendly salute.

I turned on my fake happy voice. "I was only here for a few months. I'm surprised you even remember me."

Her shark's smile had me wanting to take a step back. "I remember your brother. People still talk about Jasper and his friends. It was a shame they all split up like they did. How has your brother been? Has he heard from Rosalie?"

And now I understood what this was. She wanted gossip and came to the wrong person. "I should go. My husband is probably looking for me. It was nice seeing you."

I pushed my cart down the aisle, and she hurried to catch up with me. "Don't run off. I wanted to tell you something."

Oh, could she? That would be dandy. I stopped because I was nicer than I should be. "What did you want to say?"

She blushed and looked down at the floor for a second before meeting my eyes again. "You said something to me in school that at the time really hurt my feelings. I promised myself that if I ever saw you again I would talk to you about it."

This had me scratching my head. What had I ever said to her that was that bad? I couldn't remember. Most of my problems with her started and ended with a wrong assumption I made about the night Jasper dumped me and then left with her. It was childish how I held a grudge about it for years.

"What did I say?"

"I can't remember the exact words, but you called me out for bragging about sex I didn't even have. After that day, I took a hard look at myself and changed some things. If you hadn't embarrassed me so bad, it wouldn't have happened."

Wow. This was a regular after school special kind of meeting. "I don't remember what I said either, but I'm sure I was much crueler than I needed to be. I'm sorry I embarrassed you."

"Don't be. I was never very nice to you, and I deserved what you said."

Here I assumed she wanted gossip, and she was just being nice. When did I become so negative about people, or was it my bias against her that caused my bad feelings from a minute ago? I used to look for the best in people, and now I raised my guard up and expected the worst.

We talked for a few minutes, and I updated her on my brother. She said they dated a little after him and Rosalie broke up. This was news to me. I had no clue that ever happened. Our conversation was friendly, and then the inevitable happened.

She saw my left hand. "That's a nice ring you have there. What does your husband do?"

"I peel oranges and braid hair," Jasper said from behind us. "Are these the right eggs?"

Lauren laughed like someone molested her funny bone. "_You_ married Jasper Whitlock. That's just classic."

Jasper didn't even look at her. He took the cart from me and moved on down the aisle. He clearly didn't know or care who she was. It was very typical of him. Other people were background noise to him. They existed, but he didn't care.

"I sincerely wish you the best of luck, Bella. You're going to need it," Lauren said before scurrying off.

I got the guy every girl in her hometown wanted, and she thought it was funny. She was either way smarter than me, or I was luckier than she could ever imagine. Actually, both of those were probably true.

* * * * * *

I was worried that our honeymoon in Forks would lead to an awful confrontation with my father or Jasper's. We both wanted to avoid them at all costs. Nothing good could possibly come out of seeing either of them. So when Jasper said he wanted to go over to his father's house, my surprise was pretty obvious and well stated.

"Have you lost your mind? We aren't going over there."

"We're leaving in two days, and I need you to understand a few things first. I don't think that can happen if you don't meet him."

"I don't need a road map and a compass to get to Seattle. Meeting your dad is the same way. The signs on the road all tell me how this will go. He'll say something stupid. You'll get mad. We need to read all signs, and proceed with caution."

My driver's education course flew straight out the window. Jasper was at the wheel of the car, and we were headed in a bad direction. We turned on to a long drive and ended up at a house I hated on sight.

Jasper helped me out of the car and held my hand tight as we walked to the front door. I expected him to knock. He didn't. He walked in like he owned the place, which technically he did.

No one was home. The doors were unlocked, but the house was empty. Jasper took me upstairs to his room, which was locked up tight. This told me even more about the relationship he had with his dad.

After unlocking the door, Jasper led me into the room. It was sparsely furnished. There was a bed but no dresser. A television was mounted on the wall and was the only big item in the room other than the bed.

"Where is the rest of your stuff?"

He pointed at a door on the right side of the room. It was a closet that was almost as empty as his room. There were a few boxes but not much else. On top of one of the boxes was a stack of school books. English. Government. Calculus. Chemistry.

He handed one to me. "They were yours. I stole them after you left."

Only he would do something like that. "You do the oddest things."

"I was obsessed with you. Hell, I still am."

Jasper picked up the Calculus book and pulled out a sheet of paper with my handwriting on it.

"I kept everything I knew you touched. This paper. Your books. There was a pencil you left at the cabin. A hairbrush. Anything I could find I kept. I spread it all out over different places I stayed so I would always have something of yours close by."

I had seen a stack of dishes set aside at the cabin and thought it was strange. There were a few plates, utensils, and a couple of glasses all separate from the rest of his stuff. They sat on a bookcase next to some towels that were folded up neatly.

These were the obsessive things about him that scared me. Normal people didn't do stuff like that. He did. This was when the love always seemed to fade and something darker took its place. Obsession wasn't love, and it sent some of my old fears sweeping through me.

The closet shrank in size. The temperature raised a few dozen degrees. The space was too small. He was too close. I looked over my shoulder, and the door was a mile away. Drowning in a room without water. Suffocating in a room full of air.

"Bella, are you lightheaded? What's wrong?"

I shook my head and realized it wasn't all in my head. I was dizzy. The room wasn't smaller. It was spinning. "I need to lie down."

I didn't wait for Jasper. I peeled off the coat and gloves I still wore and tossed them on the floor on my way to his bed. I was burning up in this house.

Ten minutes later, I felt fine. My temperature evened out, and my head cleared. Poor Jasper was losing his mind with worry. He called Edward and was on the phone asking a dozen questions. Edward told him the same thing I did. I got too hot. It happened.

When he was sure I was okay, Jasper walked with me downstairs and sat me in a chair by a window he opened for me. Rather than put my coat back on, I folded it over my lap and started looked through my old English textbook. While I waited, he went back upstairs to grab a few boxes. He made one trip, checked on me, and then went up for the last box.

This was predictably when his father showed up. He walked into the house and saw me right away. There was no denying this man was Jasper's dad. The likeness was uncanny. The biggest difference other than the twenty years he had on his son was that he was a couple inches shorter than Jasper.

I went for a nice greeting remembering my lesson from seeing Lauren. "Hi. You must be Mr. Whitlock."

"Are you a burglar or Miss February?"

"Miss February? Did I wake up in the Playboy mansion or something?"

He spoke slowly enunciating each word carefully. "Are you my son's new flavor of the month?"

I was a smart ass. I couldn't help it. "Jasper calls me Strawberry-apple Tart. I'm his new favorite. Banana Split does his laundry."

"Is her mouth as smart as yours?"

"No, but she has other assets. If you ever sink a boat and need a flotation device, she could save your life."

Mr. George smiled. "I like you."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

He sat down in the chair next to me. His eyes lingered too long on my chest and made me extremely uncomfortable.

His next words made it worse. "February is a short month. Got any plans for March? I'll be free."

"That is a very inappropriate question."

"Jasper only likes inappropriate girls."

"I don't think you know anything about your son. If you did, you would know who I am."

The bad daddy leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table in front of him. "When will you girls learn that who you are isn't important? It's what you're willing to do that counts."

"Coming from a school superintendent, I find myself frightened for the youth of America."

He leered at me. "After seeing that mouth of yours, I find myself looking forward to March."

Gross old man. What the hell kind of person was he? "I don't appreciate you hitting on me. Jasper wouldn't like it, and I find it very offensive."

"My son wouldn't care, and that should offend you way more than anything I say. Hell, I'm barely trying. Come sit on my lap, and let me put some real work in."

Jasper came around a corner and stopped at the top of the stairs. His eyes went from me to his father and back again. I tried to smile like everything was okay, but he knew better.

He ran down the stairs and dropped his box on the floor. When he came up to me, he placed a hand over my forehead. "You feel okay? Your face is still pretty red."

"I'm good. I was just having a chat with your father. I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself before you showed up."

George Whitlock was no dummy. I wasn't just some random girl like he initially thought. His eyes finally focused on my face and started to narrow with suspicion. "What is your name?"

"Bella Swan."

Jasper corrected me. "You're Bella Whitlock now."

Anger burst out of the person beside me. He stood up and got right in his son's face. "God dammit, Jasper. You stupid bastard. What the hell were you thinking getting married?"

Old George paled. "Oh shit. Tell me you had her sign a prenup."

"Bella didn't marry me for my money."

"Why else would she?"

"Because I love him."

My mouth didn't hold the same appeal for him anymore. The man looked like he wanted to punch me. "Swan. Are you Emmett's sister? He's been trying to get to Rose's money for a decade."

I wasn't staying here for this. It was going to get ugly if we didn't go now. "Jasper, I want to leave."

His father continued his ranting. I rose to my feet and grabbed one of Jasper's hands. "Let's just go."

In a family of people with no limits, George was the worst offender. He took a hold of one of my arms and jerked me around hard. "I'm not done with you yet."

Luckily, I didn't stumble. I stayed on my feet and inched closer to Jasper who had moved between us. It got quiet. Jasper stood perfectly still. There would be no fighting. He wouldn't take the risk that I would get hit or knocked down.

"Dad, she's five months pregnant. Let her go."

My arm was dropped like he just stuck his hand to a hot burner. The man backed several feet away from me and watched his son with fearful eyes. Jasper didn't even spare him a glance. I was rushed out of the house and to the car. We left without another word being exchanged.

I thought this was a good sign. Jasper controlled his temper. He didn't let anger rule the day. No one got hurt. The whole incident was five unimportant seconds long.

It was dark when we arrived back at the cabin. I carefully navigated the uneven ground and made my way inside. Jasper trailed behind me.

When we stepped inside, he wrapped me up in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. He should never have gotten near you."

"It was nothing, and I'm so proud of you for not losing your temper."

"Me, too." He sounded relieved. "What did he say to you while I was upstairs?"

"Nothing really bad. We only talked for a few minutes. I wouldn't say he's the nicest person in the world, but he wasn't that bad."

"Liar. He probably hit on you, didn't he?"

Speak the truth, and wreck havoc. I was no fool. "Of course not."

"Who's lying now?" Jasper swatted me lightly on the butt. "Go change. I'll start dinner."

I didn't buy it for a second. The playful attitude gave him away. "You're going back to the house, aren't you?"

Jasper dropped the act. His chameleon's nature was always a forgotten skill. "I have to go back."

"No, you don't."

"When he had a hold of you, I had flashbacks of all these times when things didn't end like tonight. He could have pushed you or slung you into the wall. He didn't even notice you're pregnant."

"But nothing happened. Don't blow this out of proportion."

Simmering anger rose to the surface. "You don't know how this stuff works. If I don't go back, it makes me look weak."

_Weak. _"So, this is all about how you look. It's not about his temper."

Jasper ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "No. If I back down, it makes him think I'll let him do what he wants with you. I have to stake my claim. I have to show him that you're important to me."

Wrong thing to say. "Stake your claim. Are you kidding me? I'm not a piece of land."

"To him, you are, and he would like nothing more than to screw with you just to test my limits. You being my wife and having my kid doesn't mean shit if I won't fight to protect what's mine."

I started shouting at him. "This is all about your pride, and that's it. If your father is that big of a problem, we can leave and never come back."

The light bulb in my head turned on, and it was blinding. "Isn't that what tonight was all about anyway? You don't want to live in Washington, and he gave you a reason not to. You knew this would happen. You set it up."

"Oh yeah. Absolutely. I'm the guy that risks his pregnant wife just to make himself happy."

Jasper grabbed my purse and slammed out of the house angrier than when we left his father's place. Fucking perfect. He would probably kill the man.

I had to call the police. My father would just love that.

Wait. The bastard took my purse. Son of a bitch.

* * * * * *

This cabin wasn't a home. It was a cage. I was stuck here miles from the highway and with no means of communicating with the outside world. It was how he always kept control over me. If he didn't stop this crap, I was going to find a way to have a phone permanently attached to me.

I calmly changed into a nightgown. Breathing took on very important meaning. It was soothing to concentrate on such a simple, necessary function of life. Brushing my hair came next. A hundred strokes. All the magazines said it was bad for your hair. Well, so was pulling all of it out.

Brushing.

Pulling.

Brushing.

Pulling.

No contest.

I sat at the front window waiting for him to return. It seemed to take hours. My heart sped up when I saw the flash of lights out in the trees. Finally.

I didn't go out to meet him. I watched from my window. Blood on his shirt. Busted knuckles. His face wasn't broken. That was something at least.

No words. Jasper came in the house, stripped off his clothes, and took a shower. What was I supposed to say to him?

_Don't hit the guy that knocked your mom around. Don't beat up the man that hit you because he felt like it. _

_I'm sorry for saying something so stupid when I knew it couldn't be true. I'm sorry I don't understand any of this._

_I'm sorry we ever came here. I hate this place. I want to go home. I want to find our home._

I pushed the bathroom door open. Jasper was standing in the shower letting the water rain over his back. I picked up his bloody shirt. There was no sense saving this one. I wouldn't want to see him wear it again even if I could get it clean. I bundled it up and threw it in a corner. Stupid shirt. It was one of my favorites.

My man didn't get himself a towel. It figured. I took one from the cabinet and carried it over to the shower. I was going to put it within reach for him, but Jasper took it out of my hands and dropped it on the floor of the shower.

The towel was soaked and completely useless. I cocked my head sideways and gave him a rude glare.

He returned it with one of his own. "Go away."

"No."

"Bella, you really need to leave me alone right now."

I never listened. I pulled off my clothes and left them next to his discarded jeans.

Jasper's jaw clinched when I stepped in beside him. "Why do you never listen to me?"

"If I listened to what people tell me, I would be living in Tacoma with a boy named Jacob, and you wouldn't even know my name."

He wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me up close to him. "Never say that again. Do you understand me? Never."

I nodded rapidly hoping a quick answer would erase the despair from his eyes. "Okay. Never."

"Everything I do is for us, Bella. The bad. The good. It's all for us. You believe that, right?"

"Of course, I do."

He pressed his forehead to mine. "I try so hard, but nothing changes. I'll never be good, and you'll never be safe with me."

What was going on with him? This wasn't about his dad at all. "Jasper, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't stay here or in Texas. I can't be around people I don't trust. Our friends. Your brother. They'll take you away from me. They're just waiting for an opportunity."

We couldn't talk about this in here. "No one is taking me away. Now, I'm gonna go to bed. Join me when you're ready."

I left the shower and dried off quickly. Jasper was right behind me. I could feel those eyes on my back and felt some apprehension building up inside me. I didn't know what to do with him when he was like this other than lie down with him and wait for him to calm down. Standing in the shower and having a long talk would get me too hot and not in a fun, sexy way.

He caught me from behind and enfolded me in a towel. "I'm sorry. I know I sound crazy again. I don't mean to."

I was already mostly dry, but he was rubbing at me like I was still drenched. This was more of his nerves coming out. He always centered in on one thing and didn't let it go. It was no surprise my feet came next.

Jasper kneeled down in front of me and took turns vigorously attending to each foot. Then he stood up and began carefully drying my hair with another towel. At least my hair wouldn't smell like my feet.

When he was satisfied with his work, he kissed me on the tip of the nose. "Are you warm?"

"Very warm."

The simple act of drying me off had slowed his head down enough to get him back on track. The tension was gone from his shoulders, and the creases in his forehead were gone.

He massaged my shoulders. "Are you hungry?"

_Nudge. Nudge._

I gave a distracted answer. "Sure."

Food was the last thought in my head. Hale was kicking at me. I smiled broadly. This was my little secret for the last couple of weeks. I hadn't told Jasper yet because I was selfish about these little moments.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"No reason."

He was always too observant. "You do that every night. You feel the baby and haven't told me."

Getting caught sucked, but he actually wasn't mad. "No, I get it. It's your thing right now. I can't even feel anything."

"Well, you may be able to," I said more as a thought to myself.

Jasper had his hands on me in an instant. "Where?"

His excitement was so adorable. He was like a big, happy puppy. It was a shame Emmett had dibs on bears.

I pushed his hands down low on my abdomen. "Give it a second. You may not even feel anything."

His anxious hands were sending him false signals. "Is that him?"

"No."

"What about that?"

I shook my head. Then, I did feel something, but he didn't.

This made him more determined. "This is like Easter Egg hunting without the candy."

"Try putting your ear up against me."

We were naked in our bedroom with him crouched in front of me listening to my pelvis. I started laughing at the ridiculous picture we made.

Jasper groaned in frustration. "Quit laughing. All I hear and feel is you."

"And here you used to love me. What happened?"

I got a kiss down low. "I still do. Now be quiet. My boy and I are having a talk."

He whispered something and kissed me again before standing up. "He says tomorrow night."

I hoped it wouldn't be as crazy as tonight. "Are you going to talk to me about what happened with your dad?"

"No. I'm going to get dressed and make you something to eat."

"And how is that supposed to solve anything? You need to talk to me about this."

Jasper went to the closet and threw some clothes over to me. "I don't hear you talking about Charlie. Why should I have to talk about my crap?"

"I didn't come home with my dad's blood on my shirt. You did."

He gave me an abridged version that told me nothing. "I punched him a couple times. He got the message. I left."

Jasper was finished talking and went to the kitchen to make us something to eat. I restlessly wandered the cabin wishing he wasn't so stubborn. We had been perfectly fine until we let someone in our lives for a second that didn't even need to be there. Jasper and I always did better when we were on our own avoiding the world.

The bad day even ruined my feelings for the cabin. If I was honest, this place never did have the same feel that it did before. It was like eating my favorite dinner and then not having it sit right. Something was off.

I looked at the old photos on the wall. They were all from another time. All pictures were if a person really thought about it. They were brief flashes of a moment in time. Jasper as a teenager and as a little boy. His friends. His grandfather. None of it was current at all.

Even our house on the hill down in Texas felt in part like a recreation of this place. Our bed was similar in design. The quilts and the furniture were from another era. Jasper and I had nothing that was just ours. We went from place to place trying to recreate a time that wasn't as good as what we had now.

That was part of Jasper's problem. This cabin was the past, and he wanted our future. I was the fool holding on to everything so tight it was cutting my hands. I didn't even see the blood or feel the sting because I was too busy thinking about a time long gone. Jasper's life now was about trying to move forward, and I was the one dragging us back.

I moved across the room and tapped Jasper on the shoulder. "I'm ready to find our home. No more ghosts from the past."

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm late again. Sorry. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It and an upcoming Jasper POV tie in together in a very important way. Not that I can say how that is. **

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. **

**I'll see you again next week. Hopefully on time. *slaps my hand with a ruler*  
**


	38. Chapter 38

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 38 - Finding Home

Our last day at the cabin reminded me of our first day here several years ago. We didn't do much other than sit out by the lake and talked. We had come so far since then, but in many ways, we hadn't. Our lives were still all about each other.

My only future plans revolved around Jasper. There was no thought to a career or dreams I had for myself. He was my whole life. It wasn't healthy to be so wrapped up in someone that the rest of the world faded in the background. Knowing he was worse off than me was not encouraging at all. We couldn't even figure out a way to make the other people in our life fit.

He tightened his hold on me as if he sensed the direction of my thoughts. "Why aren't you happy?"

"I'm not unhappy. I'm just wondering if we'll ever figure out how to balance our relationship with the demands of the people around us."

"We won't."

Jasper said it so easily. It slipped off his tongue like my feet on ice. He truly believed we would never be able to have a complete world.

"Bella, when you think about what's important to you, what comes first?"

"You and the baby."

"If you know this, why do you stress about choices you've already made?"

Because I knew what he needed in order to live a happy life. There was nothing more threatening to Jasper than other people being around me. He would gladly leave everyone behind and never see them again. This wasn't something I could commit to. Being married to him didn't mean I should give up my brother.

"I'm not like you, Jasper. I need other people in my life."

"Nothing is free. There are always hidden costs and painful sacrifices. For us to be happy, we have to drop the past and embrace our future."

"But not at the expense of the people we love. Can't we just try again? Emmett will come around. You know he will."

Jasper gave in easier than I expected. "I know I'll do anything to make you happy. If you think we can coexist, I'll give it another try."

I smiled up at him. "Thank you."

"I'll always try to give you what you want. That will never change."

"And if I ask for too much?"

"You love this lake, right? Well, this place is nothing. I'd give you an ocean if you asked for it."

* * * * * *

Emmett wasn't answering his phone. I called a dozen times and left a series of messages, but he hadn't so much as called back or tried to text me. When I called Edward about it, he didn't know anything. His attempts to make contact were ignored as well. This wasn't a surprise considering they hadn't talked in weeks.

When Alice and Rosalie failed to answer, I grew even more concerned. Rather than go home immediately from the airport, we stopped off at Emmett's house to check in on him. No one was home.

A peek through the windows revealed a house empty of all personal touches. Pictures were gone. Electronic equipment was missing from the entertainment center. The furniture was still here, but it belonged to Esme and Carlisle.

"It looks like he moved out," Jasper stated the obvious.

"But why?"

"After you and Edward left, there was no way Emmett could afford to rent this place on his own."

He didn't know that we sent my brother our share of the rent. How could we not? We were still financially responsible for our part of the house. We had to keep up our end of the lease. It never even occurred to us not to.

When I explained this to Jasper, it gave him pause. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

Why would I? The money was from my own account, and it was far from empty. The only reason I was being frugal before was because I knew I couldn't stretch my money far enough to take care of Hale. Being married to Jasper eliminated any concerns I had about that.

We left the house and went directly to Alice and Laurent's apartment. Neither of them were home. It dawned on me that I forgot about school. All of them were either in class or at work. They couldn't exactly talk on the phone. Silly me. Now that my brain was working, we drove home.

Edward greeted us at the front door with a huge hug for me. I hadn't realized just how much I missed him in the weeks we were gone. We had only talked on the phone a few times. He was busy working on some project, and my entire focus was on Jasper.

I stepped into the house and looked around in shock. Boxes were stacked up in different areas around the room. Bookcases were empty.

"What is this? Are we leaving already?"

Edward stumbled over a few words but gave no explanation for what I saw. It was Jasper who answered. He came up behind me and rubbed my arms soothingly.

"We're not leaving yet. The boxes are items we're donating. Our things are still right where we left them. Edward was just getting a jump start on the moving process."

Moving. Where? "We haven't even decided where we're going. Why would he need to get started this early?"

The two of them exchanged looks. It reminded me of Edward and Emmett's silent conversations. I was always the one left out of everything.

Jasper knew I was getting upset. "Bella, we talked about this. A fresh start. No ghosts. You knew we were leaving soon."

"We only talked about this a couple of days ago."

He used his knowledge of how my head worked against me. "I always anticipate your needs. I knew you would eventually see things my way, and Edward agreed that we should start early."

Edward tried helping Jasper's case. "It's almost March, Bella. Don't you want to be settled in a new place when the baby comes? This only gives us about four months."

"You're the one choosing where we live," Jasper reminded me. "All we're doing is the grunt work."

Even after listening to their explanations, I still had a funny feeling about this. I felt rushed and pressed to make a decision, but Jasper was right. The decision was already made. We were leaving. I just had to pick a location, which really put me in charge.

I brushed my concerns aside and gave in. One of my biggest failings was that I was a people pleaser. More to the point, I was a Jasper pleaser. I always gave him what he wanted, and he wanted this.

* * * * * *

After unpacking all our bags, I joined Edward in his room to catch up on the weeks we spent apart. He didn't have much to say on his end. He was avoiding his dad. Emmett was mad at him and wouldn't talk to him. Esme was busy with her new boyfriend. This left us talking about my time in Washington.

"What do you mean you left?" he asked.

I had just gotten through telling him about the evening I met Jasper's father.

I repeated the last part of the story. "Jasper told him I was pregnant. The man let me go. We left. Jasper didn't hit him or anything. After taking me to the cabin, he went back and beat up his dad."

"That can't be what happened."

"It is."

Edward shook his head. "This was three days ago, right?"

"Yeah."

He was like Jasper in that he could ask the strangest questions that had nothing to do with anything. "What was in the boxes he brought downstairs?"

"School stuff I guess."

"Where are they now?"

"I don't know. I didn't see them again."

That was strange now that I thought about it. Where did they go? I hadn't seen him bring them inside nor did I remember seeing them in the car.

Edward moved on to another detail. "Did you have sex?"

Huh? That was none of his business. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question."

"No. It was late, and I went to sleep after we ate."

I had no idea what sex and fighting had to do with each other. Jasper didn't even look interested that night, which was fine with me. I was exhausted and feeling gross after talking to his dad.

"Bella, nothing you've said makes any sense."

It made a lot more sense than his questions. "If you're so curious, go ask him about it. He probably needs some guy time after three weeks with me. Just don't ask him about sex. Jasper would not be happy."

Edward ran off to play with his buddy, and I spent some quiet time on my own. As much as I loved Jasper, an evening without him watching me would be a nice change.

* * * * * *

It was our second day home, and I was worn out and desperately in need of a nap. The day was only half over, but I could barely keep my eyes open. All the traveling from the previous day had caught up to us both, which really meant it caught up to me. Jasper just liked being in bed.

He also liked talking to my midsection. "Come on, Hale. Just one nudge, and I'll leave you alone."

He got nothing. Not a thing. He was getting pretty sensitive about the lack of cooperation he was getting from the youngest member of our family.

"Bella, why won't he listen to me?"

"Because he takes after his daddy. You never listen to anybody."

"Are you sure everything is okay? Why isn't he moving around?"

All I needed was for his paranoia to start wearing off on me. No thank you. "Get a stethoscope. You can listen to his heartbeat."

I was joking, but Jasper thought the idea was brilliant. He jumped out of bed. "I'll be back in an hour."

Silly man. At least with him gone, I could get a nap.

I woke up to someone pulling up my shirt. Then something cold touched me. This was not a good way to wake up.

I didn't even bother to open my eyes. "Jasper, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to kick you out of the house."

"Shush. I'm listening."

"Why are you doing this? Are you trying to drive me insane?"

"No, I'm trying to bond with my kid."

He was so determined to be the father he didn't have that he went overboard. Yesterday he had a thirty minute conversation with Hale about fishing. He didn't even understand that it wasn't a conversation. It was him yapping and me wanting to hit him with a hammer. I tuned him out sometime around perch and finally asked him to stop when he got to the joys of catfish.

The satisfaction he got from hearing the heartbeat faded. "It's not fair. He'll know and love you the second he's born. I'll just be some guy that got lucky one night."

What promised to be another bizarre conversation was interrupted by the sound of a slamming door.

I heard someone shouting. "Where is he?"

A muffled answer. Something hit a wall.

Jasper scrambled out of the bed and went for the door. Before he could reach it, it was thrown open by Emmett.

"I'm going to kill you."

My husband held his hands up defensively. "What the hell did I do?"

"Don't play dumb. I'm suspended from the team while they investigate me for NCAA violations. You did that."

Jasper was as lost as I was. His denial confirmed it. "I haven't done anything."

"Bullshit. You fucked everybody and left town to give yourself an alibi. Carlisle was put on leave from the hospital. Laurent was fired for some bogus excuse, and to top it all off, we caught Alice with drugs again."

That was a lot of bad things at once, but none of them had anything to do with us.

I had to speak up. "Jasper didn't do any of that. How could he? He doesn't run the hospital or the team, and he hasn't even talked to Alice. How could it be his fault if she's using again?"

"Then, why did you two leave town right before the shit started? That's a hell of a coincidence, Bella."

"Because we got married. We were on our honeymoon."

The news only made things worse. Emmett grabbed Jasper and threw him against a wall. Pictures fell, and the glass from the frames broke around their feet. Edward came into the room and shook his head at me, warning me not to get in the middle. Did I look like an idiot? Experience told me no one would pay me any attention no matter what I did.

To Jasper's credit, he didn't fight back. He stayed against the wall and tried reasoning with Emmett. "Be pissed. Fight with me. I don't care, but don't do this around Bella."

This was another moment that proved just how solid he was. Jasper finally evolved into a person that talked first and fought last. I was so proud. Well, he did go back and hit his dad the other day, but he didn't fly off the handle right away. I called this progress. Emmett called it a lie.

"Drop the good guy act. I know who you are, and it's not some pacifist that hides behind my sister's skirts."

Progress only went so far. Jasper had to be an ass. "Leave, and I'll hide under them."

I knew my husband, and he was definitely baiting my brother into hitting him. He didn't get what he wanted, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he had. He probably would have laughed about it afterwards.

This opened my eyes to a few things. Why wasn't I more upset about this? It was sad how desensitized I had become to what happened around me. Jasper beat up his dad. I barely blinked. Emmett barged into our room and threatened to kill my husband, and I sat here expecting a fight but doing nothing to stop it.

There was always a cloud hanging over us, and I expected the lightening and the rain. When the wind came and blew down my house, I just shrugged my shoulders and built a new one. I hated doing it, but I never tried rebuilding in a safer location. The last few minutes were further proof that we had to move on from here. I couldn't keep living like this.

"Emmett, stop blaming other people's problems on Jasper. I'm not going to let you use him as some sort of scapegoat when life isn't going your way."

Jasper had stars in his eyes when he looked at me. He rarely had anyone take his side. It was a wonderful and new experience for him to be shown positive support. This would have been a nice moment if it weren't for the potential of a fight that still hung in the air. These people resorted to violence far too easily and too often. Jasper wasn't even bothered by it other than the fact that I was here to watch.

My brother turned to me. "You don't seriously believe this crap, do you? He planned this whole thing. All of it, Bella. It's what he does. Everything is a game to him."

"Not anymore. All Jasper wants is a good life with the people he loves. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because it's a lie. He wants you all to himself. No family. No friends. Just you."

Reality told me otherwise. I only had to look at Edward, the person he felt most threatened by. Jasper accepted his presence with no complaint. He even encouraged me to spend time with him. The jealousy was gone, and trust took its place.

The calm, centered man I married was such a dramatic change from the wild-eyed person I witnessed a few months ago. I credited Hale. The prospect of being a father opened Jasper's eyes to a world he could have if he just let it happen. He changed. He got better. I trusted him.

"Emmett, I understand your doubts, but you need to trust me when I say he didn't do anything."

He looked at Jasper, who had moved behind me and wrapped his supportive, loving arms around me. For a second, I thought my brother would give in, but something changed. His face darkened into a furious mask.

"Come find me when you wake up and leave him. Until then, I can't be around to watch this."

Emmett stormed out after saying the exact words that always triggered the worst in my man. I didn't even catch on to what he said until I started to go after him, but Jasper held me tight.

"You can't leave me," he whispered.

_Leave him. _My stupid brother had no clue what he just started.

Hearing the fear in Jasper's voice devastated me. A few minutes of confrontation brought back his insecurities. This was why we would never be able to coexist with others. There were too many triggers. A couple of words could knock him off balance and set him on a bad path. To give him a real chance, he needed a world free of as much conflict as possible.

Jasper couldn't do all the work. He needed help to stay on the right path. Choosing to do so was right. It was good. It was what I had to do. The trip to Washington taught me about the past, but today opened my eyes to just how unwilling other people were when it came to seeing the good in him.

People would always suspect him of behaving badly. They would never believe in the man he showed himself to be, and he would always let their doubts feed his insecurities. It would be cruel to continually subject him to the suspicions of others. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't, especially when I knew how devoted he was to preserving the happiness of our family. Sacrifices had to be made, and they couldn't all be his.

I turned around and met his eyes. "I will never leave you, Jasper. I swear."

Like so many times before, my words were not enough. He started cracking up.

His hands came up and rested on my shoulders. "Emmett said so, and he knows you better than me. You'll leave just like he said."

"I will not."

He fell hard into that same dark hole he always ended up in. "I'll die the day you leave me. That's what they want. Me gone. You alone. If you don't leave me, they'll take you away."

Each word increased the pressure from his hands. "You can't go. Ever. Bella, you have to stay with me."

His attention went to Edward who was approaching us from the side. "Get out," Jasper ordered.

Edward finally saw a small part of why I needed him here. This wasn't even one of Jasper's worst moments. By comparison, today was light.

He took a careful tone. "Jasper, look at your hands. They're holding her too tight. If you don't calm down, you'll hurt her."

Blue eyes blinked down at my shoulders. The pressure left, and he dropped his arms down. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No, you didn't hurt me." I pointed over at a chair. "I'm going to sit down. Is that okay?"

He looked around the room in a daze. "Of course."

I moved away from both of them and sat in a chair across the room. Edward went to stand next to the dresser and waited to see what would happen next. Neither of us were sure. As far as Jasper had come, we still lived with his unpredictable nature.

Today, we need not have worried. He focused on the glass from the frames that fell. He stared at it intently for several minutes while his thoughts slowed down.

"There's glass on the floor. I'll clean it up," he offered in an even voice before leaving the room.

Edward looked over at me. "How often does this happen with him?"

"Not often. He'll be fine once the mess is cleaned up."

"Are you sure?"

"Mostly. Today wasn't so bad. He's much better than he was before."

The statement was accurate. Jasper meticulously checked every inch of the floor while we looked on. When he was satisfied that the dangerous glass was gone, he stood up and was back to himself again.

"Do you need a snack?" he asked me. "It's three already, and you haven't eaten."

I would eat horse if it helped give him some distance him from the person I saw a few minutes ago. "Sounds good."

Edward offered to help, and they left for the kitchen. I followed a few minutes later and sat at the bar. The snack turned into a full-fledged meal that took an hour to prepare. As the minutes ticked by, Jasper settled down more and more.

He set a glass of water in front of me. "I've got a folder on my desk. Would you mind getting it for me?"

I retrieved the folder and returned to my barstool. The contents were actually for me. Inside were several sheets with information on houses he thought I might like.

A few of the houses were marked with stars. "What are the stars for on the top corners of the pages?"

Edward answered. "Those are the ones we liked best. My stars are on the right, and Jasper's are on the left."

That answered any questions I had about whether or not Edward was coming with us. Knowing that he planned on doing so gave me a sharp sense of relief. At the same time, I felt guilty.

"Are you sure you want to come with us? What if we go out of state?"

His crooked smile warmed my heart. "Do you remember that day we talked about throwing darts at a map? Well, I go where your dart lands. It's what I want. Besides, I can't let you and Jasper run off and have all the fun."

He came up behind me and pointed out his favorite. "Aim for this one. Jasper and I want to learn to surf."

It was out of the question. We were not moving to Hawaii. It wasn't a new start. It was a permanent vacation. Why did I feel like I was being led along a rocky path by two mischievous imps? They had already picked out a destination. They just wanted me to give them the okay, and I wasn't going to do it.

I couldn't move that far away based on a few pictures and their desire to learn to surf. What did I even know about this place? The island of Maui might sound perfect, but living there could be something else entirely. Not to mention, it was so far from my brother.

"There is no way in hell we are moving to Hawaii."

I searched through the other properties. There wasn't anything in here remotely close to what I had in mind.

"Could you two world travelers slow down and let the boring girl catch up? I want a simple life. How is any of this simple? A mansion in California. Beach front property in Hawaii. Is this a joke?"

Jasper came over and took the folders from me. "Then tell us what you want. We can't read your mind."

"I want trees and water. Birds singing. Sunsets. Swimming and fishing."

He slapped a picture down in front of me. It was the house where we got married. There were plenty of bedrooms and expansive views of the lake. The two master suites on opposite ends of the house were ideal for our odd arrangement.

The other options were a joke. He just wanted to test my reaction. Annoying man. "Jasper, why didn't you just admit you wanted this house?"

"Because I want you to decide. Is that wrong?"

No, it wasn't wrong at all. "Tell me why you like it so much."

"I like Texas. The weather is good. The people are friendly."

"Not the state. The house. Why do you think it's right?"

He picked up the picture. "Because of all the places I've ever been, this was the only one that felt like home."

* * * * * *

A war on friendship was declared in the month of January. It was now the ninth of March. Sixty-one days had passed.

The living room in Emmett's new apartment had a line drawn down the middle of it. My brother and I were squarely in the middle having a last conversation before I left. On one side, Rosalie, Alice, and Laurent stood waiting. Edward and Jasper stood on the other. Just like three and a half years ago, the group had split apart.

Alice was wedged tightly between Laurent and Rosalie. They appeared to be keeping a close watch on a rabid animal. Alice looked ready to kill me if she got a chance. Her eyes were menacing, and her hands were fists filled with a need to punch at the person she held responsible for this new divide. To her, I was always at fault.

As Jasper told me repeatedly, her and Rosalie made their choice and now had to live with it. I didn't much care. The two girls had jumped back and forth between loving me and hating me for so long that any friendship we lost wasn't going to be missed. My only hope regarding them was that they were here for my brother, which they would be. They loved him.

Neither girl noticed the smile on Laurent's face. He was happy we were leaving. The drama that came along with the group was something he had little patience for. He loved Alice and knew she would be better off without us.

Rosalie was blank. No emotion betrayed a single feeling she had about the situation. We could have been strangers for all she appeared to care. It was only when her eyes landed on Jasper that she blinked at all. That blink told me everything. She regretted her choice and knew his unforgiving nature didn't allow for apologies.

For someone so in need of forgiveness himself, Jasper offered none in return. He was severe in his punishment and cold in the distance it brought. I hoped that with time he would lighten his stance when it came to his cousin, but I doubted he would.

Emmett and I didn't like the audience around us. We went into another room to have our talk. He pulled me down onto his lap and hugged me close.

"I don't understand how you can leave like this."

"I'm moving three hours away. It's not another planet. Our new house is far enough away to make Jasper happy. He needs this."

"And what about what makes you happy? You were happy before he came here. You can be happy again without him."

Jasper made me happy. Nothing else did. "That's the problem. I can't be without him. I don't know even know who I am when he isn't around. Leaving him. Existing without him. Those are things I can't do."

My brother tugged on my hair. "I remember a sweet girl with pigtails and a stubborn streak. She would never let someone control her life like he does yours."

"Jasper doesn't control my life."

"Oh really. When was the last time you went anywhere by yourself? When was the last time you could breathe without him being a foot from you? He doesn't love you, Bella. He guards you."

Not true. Well, it wasn't completely false either. Jasper did guard me. Our relationship started as a mutual obsession and evolved into something I couldn't even define. I knew what we had wasn't the norm. It wasn't even close. But we did love each other. That fact was indisputable.

I moved the subject from me to my brother. "Will you be okay here without me?"

"I'm a survivor. I always find a way to be okay."

The last two weeks were good to my brother. The team reinstated him after the investigation found no wrong doing. The questions were all about where his money came from. Once his expenses were broken down and his accounts gone over, his name was cleared.

Regardless, Emmett still blamed Jasper for what happened and had even gone so far as to accuse Edward of being in on it. He had no evidence but was firmly convinced that they had gone after him and the others.

He moved our talk right back to where we were before. "Bella, if you ever need me, I'll come for you. You know that, right? Don't ever feel like you can't get away from him. I'll find a way."

Ridiculous. "You make it sound like I'm going to be stuck in a tower with armed guards keeping me under lock and key."

"I wish you were. Then you might see what he's doing."

Again with the doubt. I wasn't being locked away. I was just moving somewhere else. "Come visit me in a few months. You'll see that you're wrong about him."

"Think about what you just said. I have to visit you. You can never visit me. He won't let you."

He had a point there. Jasper would object to the idea of me visiting anyone on my own. Too much distance between us would drive him insane. His fear and paranoia would never let him rest. I would only get a few miles away before he broke down and followed me. He simply didn't trust others enough to watch out for me.

The only exception was Edward. I could go anywhere and do anything with him. Jasper didn't even try to put restrictions on the friendship we had. I saw it as evidence that he trusted us both, which gave me hope that he would eventually relax about my brother, but this wouldn't happen until Emmett recognized and acknowledged the changes in my husband.

"How are Rosalie and Alice doing?"

Emmett's expression soured even further. "Broken up about losing Jasper. They never thought he would completely cut them out of his life. It's killing them."

"They'll be better off without him. They always lived too much for him and never enough for themselves."

For the first time today, he smiled. "And you do the same thing. What is it about Jasper Whitlock that he turns all my girls into fools?"

How could I explain this? "He has a way of making the world disappear into the background. A person loses themselves in the fade he brings with him. He's a dream with twists and turns that never makes sense. Just when you think you know him, he changes. It's addicting trying to discover his secrets."

"Bad secrets."

"There are bad ones. The trick is accepting the bad and the good. I won't always like what he does, but I will always love who he is."

Emmett nodded his understanding. "I know how you feel. You drive me crazy with the choices you make. I want to strangle you sometimes."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Be good to my nephew. I'll come see you when he's born. Will that be okay?"

"Emmett, my life is your life. You can always come see me."

My brother. My twin. Leaving him felt so wrong. We already lost so much time with each other. This would only add to it. Life was easy with Emmett. He understood me. With him, I could just be Bella. I didn't have to be on guard waiting for the next problem to arise.

This made my uncertainty return. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here forever with him in a world that always felt safe and secure. With my brother, I never felt any of the confusion or fear that came from being around Jasper. I never had to walk on eggshells or be careful with my words. There was a freedom to life with Emmett that I would never have again. How did I only see this now?

Not that it mattered. I would leave with Jasper. It was the only choice I really had. Being apart from him wasn't even a consideration. He needed space from everyone else, and I would give it to him. I always gave him everything.

_Everything. Too much. _

This was what I feared most from the very beginning. If I gave Jasper everything, nothing would be left of me. I wouldn't be Bella. I would be His Bella. But wasn't he My Jasper?

Lost. I felt lost again. The room started feeling smaller. Sound was too loud. My heart was beating too fast. My doubts caused right and wrong to blend into an ugly mess I hated.

And then it all stopped. He was here. Jasper. He took me from my brother. But didn't he always? He took me from everyone. This was the root of the problem.

I couldn't leave like this. I wasn't starting a new life. I simply found a new way of running from my old one. What were we doing? Why were we leaving? Was it right?

Jasper's hands cupped my face gently, and his voice calmed my swirling emotions with an absurd observation meant to distract my mind. "If I play connect the dots with your freckles, I can draw a butterfly. I love that."

Only him. "I hate butterflies."

"You hate the blue ones. You love gray cows, bluebonnets, and music from the sixties. You smile in your sleep and sing in the shower. And seeing you in the morning is what I live for."

The noise stopped, and an answer sang from my heart. If we gave each other everything, it was a fair trade. I already had all of him. Jasper deserved all of me.

* * *

**Author's Note: The next chapter will be a Jasper POV. It should be posted next Wednesday.  
**

**I hope everyone has a great holiday season. I'm going to be watching football and eating too much chocolate pie. Yummy.**

**Thanks again for the great reviews and the PM's. It's always fun to read people's thoughts on the story and the characters.  
**


	39. Chapter 39

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 39 - The Mushroom Principle

**Jasper POV**

Dress. Dress. Dress. Where could I find a dress? Damn. Was that really a question in my head?

Yes. Why? Bella. Always her. And she was with Edward. He was moping about some Cullen crap that didn't concern me.

While they played patty cake in his bedroom, I tried figuring out the perfect way to marry my girl. It had to be somewhere secluded. I wanted no witnesses, and thankfully the state of Texas didn't require one. A lake was mandatory, which provided me with a potential location.

It sounded like I was going to murder her and dump her off a boat. Occasionally it was tempting. Like the other day. What kind of dumbass sits outside in the ice and the snow to look at stars? Only a special breed of dumbass would do that, and I was marrying her on Friday. Lucky me.

Back to the lake. There was a house no one knew what to do with. It was supposed to be a model for a development my company was working on. The plans went up in smoke with the economy and the crap real estate market. This left us with a whole bunch of land and nothing to do with it.

It was all centered on a private section of a lake my people tried buying for years. The land was pure fucking gold, but the man who owned it wanted it kept intact. When the old bastard finally died, we snapped up the property like vultures on roadkill, but he had the last laugh in that silver urn of his. It all came down to money. Most people didn't have enough of it these days, and lakeside lots were expensive.

Done. Decided. Easy. I had a house.

But I still needed a dress. I refused to call Alice. Her and Rose were finished in my book. Years of providing for them and giving them the world earned me nothing. When I needed them, they didn't back me up. Had Carlisle succeeded in hiding Bella from me, they would have gone along with it to keep Emmett happy. That was something I would never forgive.

I left the house after letting Bella know I was going out. It was nice having someone care about where I went. This was new for me.

My first stop was a bridal shop. None of these dresses would work. They were too poofy and shiny. Bella would hate that crap.

"Do you have anything that doesn't look so embellished?"

"Is this for your sister?"

The fuck? "No. It's for my bride."

Those painted-on eyebrows reached the ceiling. "And you're buying the dress?"

Uh. Yeah. "Should I steal one?"

I was handed off to another worker bee. I took a more direct approach. "I need a dress for a girl with simple tastes."

She showed me one with a small waist and a big skirt. It looked like a light bulb. "My girl is pregnant. She's not really round yet, but she's sort of poochy."

The judgmental hag put the dress on a rack. "I guess white is out."

Was hitting women really that wrong? In certain cases, it should be allowed. I left without spilling any blood and found the next shop on my list.

After hearing my list of requirements, they suggested a seamstress and wished me the best of luck. This was their nice way of saying I was screwed. Little did they know that money could buy you anything.

The woman they directed me to was the president of some sewing circle thing here in town. She asked for some measurements, and this was where things sort of went off track. Holding up my hands and giving an estimate was useless. Fortunately her daughters were plentiful. One was too small. The second was too big. The third was just right.

A dress was sketched out, fabric was selected, and a price was set. They promised they would have it ready by Thursday afternoon, and I promised a nice bonus if they finished early.

* * * * * *

The comment about the white dress kept eating at me. Bella was a good girl. She didn't sleep around or dress provocatively, but even if she did, she was still a good girl. Having sex wasn't bad. It was normal. So, why did it suddenly feel so wrong?

Sure she was pregnant, but this wasn't a shotgun wedding. Did I wish we were marrying under slightly different circumstances? Hell no. I would take Bella any way I could get her. Having Hale along for the ride was just how things ended up.

Knowing all this didn't change the slight ache that formed in my heart. I pushed Bella for sex when I first came to town. I moved us at a fast pace and completely disregarded her feelings. She was right to take things slow, but I didn't care. I let my dick decide what was best, and he got what he wanted.

A few more months of getting to know each other again would have prevented all the hell that happened when we did finally get together, but I was impatient. I wanted everything right away, and Bella was just trying to be careful. Her reward was a nut case that left her at the first sign of trouble. Our being back together was a testament to her love. My own love was selfish and all about my own needs being met.

Guilt. Sick, gut twisting guilt. I remembered the night with the duck shirt and the whiskey. My girl was drunk. I wasn't. I slept with her repeatedly and never once used any protection. I wanted her to get pregnant. I wanted to find a way to tie her to me. At the time, I tried to play it off in my head like it wasn't a plan, but it was.

There was a fine line between right and wrong when it came to sex, and I broke the rules. What I did was no different than a girl deliberately forgetting her pills. Carlisle even called me out on it, but I denied the truth when I knew he was right about me. My family did have a history of trapping the women we wanted. I was no different from the men who came before me.

Hell, I was probably worse. I never even revisited that night in my head or bothered to think about the consequences of my actions. My thoughts were much like the men who raised me. She was a woman. They had babies. If she ended up having mine, it would be a great thing. Why the hell should I care if she didn't want one right away? It would happen eventually. Now was as good a time as any.

I was selfish, impatient, and insecure. It sucked knowing this. It wasn't even likely to change. I was on the meds. A few adjustments needed to be made, but even when we got it right, they wouldn't fix the greater part of my problem. My moral compass pointed south, and I liked that about me. Bella did, too, or she wouldn't be with me.

_Uhm. Bella._ The love I had for that girl was not at all healthy. It was also my only explanation for why I felt guilty about accidentally – but mostly on purpose – knocking her up. Not that I would change what happened.

I hadn't even met the little fellow, but I loved him. Knowing Hale was sitting snug and happy in my favorite person only made him more perfect in my eyes. I caught myself staring at him all the time. Bella thought it was strange, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to know everything about him before he even knew anything about himself.

What was his favorite color? Did he prefer football or baseball? What music did he enjoy most? When the sequel was born would he prefer a baby brother or sister?

I talked to him everyday. Bella thought I was just trying to amuse her, but it wasn't about her at all. I wanted my son to know his father's voice the second he was born. If he preferred his Uncle Edward, I would not be happy.

Hale wasn't even Bella's son in my head. He was mine. All mine. The rest of the world would just have to wait in line if they wanted anything to do with him. I wasn't sharing.

"Are you gonna play, Jasper?"

It was Edward. We were supposed to be playing pool. He probably thought I was distracted by the news that Bella and I were having a boy. That was the big news of the day.

"Have you ever done something so terrible you can never come back from it?" I asked him.

"You didn't cheat on her, did you?"

Hell no. My eyes wandered, but my dick didn't. "I think I did something worse, but I don't really feel bad about it."

"What's worse than cheating?"

I confessed my sin about that night from several months ago.

Edward hit me with a cue stick. "You are one dumb bastard. Do you know that?"

"Yes."

"No, I don't think you do. Right now, she upstairs making you cookies because she thinks that relaxing and reading a book means she doesn't love you."

And people called me crazy. "That's stupid."

He hit me again. "Hell yes, it's stupid. But you keep doing all this stuff for her, and she doesn't feel like she measures up. All she's done is take a much needed break after living with months of stress that you caused."

Edward wasn't finished with me. I only thought I felt bad before. "You had everything you wanted that night, but it wasn't enough. Why is that? Why is what she gives you never enough?"

It was enough. Or was it?

Bella offered me a tentative friendship when I first showed up. Considering what I did to her brother and Edward, I should have taken it and been happy. I wasn't.

She started seeing me on a romantic level, and I pressed her for sex almost immediately. I hurt her feelings and called her a bitch and a tease when she all she wanted was to go slow.

Weeks later, I had her staying in my house, sleeping in my bed, and telling me she loved me. None of it was enough to convince me she would stay.

Time and again, I asked for more than she was ready to give me. I demanded everything but didn't want to put in the time needed to earn what she offered. The changes I made in myself were really about me trying to win the girl. Had I even changed at all, or was I just proof of man's ability to adapt when necessary?

After Bella married me on Friday, would it be enough? Would I finally be satisfied that I had all of her, or would I find something else to ask of her? She was so young, and I already asked her to make choices most people didn't make until they were in their late twenties. I wanted my family now. I wanted my wife now. Bella had barely begun her adult life, and I had to have all of her.

It was fear that motivated me. With life experience came wisdom. I couldn't let her get smart. I couldn't let the bright light of truth reveal the rest of my flaws. Given time, she would know I wasn't her only path to happiness. She would know that she could love again and probably should. I couldn't let any of that happen. I had to have her.

Edward didn't understand the desperation I felt when she wasn't around. He didn't understand that there was very little good in my world, and that she was all I ever found of it. She was the voice that calmed my soul. If I lost her, I would lose myself.

"There is only one Bella. For my own sanity, I have to have all of her."

He heard the secret behind my words and slapped me with it. "This has never been about her. You may love her, but it's a selfish love. She won't even know what you're taking from her until they're all gone."

Big Brother Edward was smarter than I ever gave him credit for. He knew I planned everything well in advance. Bella thought I was working on the wedding. That shit was done. My plans were now all about setting the stage for what would follow, a life free of our past. Friends and family ruined everything. We didn't need them.

"Bella made this choice. She just doesn't realize what it means yet, but even if she did, she wouldn't change her mind."

"And you expect me to stand back and let you take her away from everyone. What kind of friend does that make me?"

"The only friend I'll allow in her life."

"Do I sign the contract with blood, or will ink suffice?"

Exaggerating punk. I wasn't the devil. "Don't be an ass. You love Bella and want to be near her for the same reasons I do. Play by my rules, and I'll let you."

"And if I don't?"

Who else did he have? Esme was snuggling up to a science teacher and looking for a new life. Carlisle was a prick. Our old friends weren't an option.

"Go find a new life. Emmett won't forgive you for helping his sister come to me. Alice and Rose are on his side. Who else do you have other than Bella?"

He had no one. "I really hate you, Jasper."

"You just hate the truth. You can stay with us and protect her if she needs it, or you can run off and leave her alone with me."

Edward stayed. Not because he liked me. Not because he wanted to. He stayed for her.

And I let him because it made my plans come together much easier.

* * * * * *

Wedding good. Washington bad. I hated this place. Living with Bella taught me what a real home was, and it wasn't this cabin. Every turn of the corner was another bad memory. I wanted a new house for my new family. Bella wouldn't understand.

We could talk about it, which would mean weeks of her wanting me to reveal my soul. No thank you. I had a better plan. I would make her hate this place. It wouldn't be hard. Once she met my dad, it would be a given.

I went to see him at the school. Five minute conversation. I got married. I was going to be a dad. I wanted him to make my wife see why I couldn't come back here. In exchange, he would get what he wanted. The house and some money to go along with it.

"And the cabin," he negotiated.

"Take it. Just go easy on my girl. Bella isn't like Alice and Rose. I don't like seeing her upset."

"Are you going to tell me about this girl? Do you love her, or did you marry her because you thought you had to?"

Was he playing the concerned dad? That was new. "She loves me, and she's loyal. That's all you need to know about her."

Old George wasn't satisfied. "Prenup?"

"Postnup. My lawyer is writing something up for her to sign when we get back to Texas."

"Will she sign it?"

It was a lie. I wouldn't make her sign shit. Everything I had was hers, and there would be no splitting up. "Bella does whatever I tell her to do."

_In my wildest fucking dreams. _The girl still didn't listen for shit.

My dad didn't buy my crap. "Liar. She's got you by the balls, or you wouldn't need my help to convince her not to want to come back here."

"Nah. I just figured out a better way of getting what I want. You tried to train Mom like she was a dog. I follow the Mushroom Principle. I feed Bella shit and keep her in the dark."

The day went mostly as planned. She met my dad. It sucked. After dumping her back off at the cabin, I threw the boxes of junk away and returned to see my dad.

He answered the door. I hit him. He howled. I liked that sound. If I could hear Edward make it a few times, my life would be set.

"What the fuck, Jasper? I did what you asked."

"I didn't say you could touch her."

The laughter started. He thought this was funny. "Mushroom Principle, my ass. You actually love her."

I did, and I would do everything in my power to make sure I kept her with me forever. Our biggest problems started when other people interfered with our life. I wouldn't let them pull us apart.

"What did you think of her?" Usually his opinion didn't matter to me. Today it did.

My father wiped at his lip and frowned down at the blood. "Jasper, I know what your head is telling you, and it's wrong. Eliminating the past won't keep you from repeating it."

"You don't know that."

"I tried to do it with your mom, and it didn't work. It only made things worse."

The past was the killing blow to every dream I had. If I avoided it and the triggers that made my brain malfunction, I could be happy, and I wouldn't turn into the person I was the morning I left Bella way back in October.

My father, the bad guy, turned into the good guy. "Your grandmother was a royal pain in my ass, but she had the right idea. That clock of hers she carried everywhere with those stupid rabbits was a reminder to your grandfather that the past should serve as a warning and never be forgotten."

I despised that clock. It was sick joke. The reason my grandfather had to kidnap Gram was because she hated him for a prank he played on her when they were teenagers. They had been best friends for years, and he was desperate to marry her. She would have said yes if he hadn't fed her one of her pet rabbits.

He ended up marrying another woman, who committed suicide five years later. My grandfather didn't even mourn for a day. He immediately went looking for my grandmother, which started another five years of back and forth between them. He eventually got tired of the bullshit and kidnapped her. After a few short weeks, he wore her down until she agreed to marry him.

My mother's side of the family tree started with a dead rabbit and ended with my current state of fucked up. I should just burn that fucking clock and piss on the ashes.

My son would get a fresh start and a better chance than I had. There would be no dead bunnies and random slaps to the head. He didn't need to hear those stories, and I didn't need to remember them. I would protect him and his mother from the past and the problems brought on by the present. If people didn't like my methods, they could just fuck off.

* * * * * *

**Back in Texas. **

Hale was an obstinate, little guy. I was dying for some sign that he heard me talking or knew I was around. I didn't get shit. There was no kicking or nudging. Bella felt him several times a day now, but he played possum every time I came around.

I was at a loss on how to fix this. I couldn't bribe him with a bigger allowance. I tried telling him about fish, but that didn't work. If my own interests bored my child into a deep sleep, what did this mean for the future?

Ah, shit. If he liked ballet, I would demand a paternity test. I already had a recurring nightmare where Hale was born with copper hair and that stupid grin of Edward's that made me want to slap him.

The day got better when I heard his heartbeat.

Bella was not so happy. "Jasper, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to kick you out of the house."

"Shush. I'm listening."

"Why are you doing this? Are you trying to drive me insane?"

"No, I'm trying to bond with my kid."

She had already napped for a good two hours. Waking up wouldn't kill her, and I wanted to hear my boy. "It's not fair. He'll know and love you the second he's born. I'll just be some guy that got lucky one night."

I took the stethoscope off just in time to hear someone shout, "Where is he?"

Something hit a wall.

_What the shit?_

I got out of bed, fully intending to protect my girl from whoever the hell broke into the house. Seeing Emmett caused me to relax my guard. As pissy as he might be, he would never do anything around his sister.

Or not. "I'm going to kill you."

I hadn't done anything. "What the hell did I do?"

"Don't play dumb. I'm suspended from the team while they investigate me for NCAA violations. You did that."

Uh. No, I fucking didn't. I had planned on whispering in a few people's ears, but I changed my mind after finding out Bella and Edward sent checks to cover the rent on the house. I didn't think they constituted a legitimate violation, but I wasn't going to take the chance that they might. I always limited myself to causing problems I could fix.

"I haven't done anything."

"Bullshit. You fucked everybody and left town to give yourself an alibi. Carlisle was put on leave from the hospital. Laurent was fired for some bogus excuse, and to top it all off, we caught Alice with drugs again."

Carlisle. Hospital. That had to be about the sexual harassment lawsuit, which was not my fault. The thing with Laurent was also not me. I hadn't even thought about him in weeks. Alice and the drugs worried me. She was supposed to be clean now.

My distracted thoughts got me thrown up against a wall. Sounds of breaking glass made my head ripple with bad memories.

_What did I do?_

_I didn't do this. He did. _

_Think smart. _"Be pissed. Fight with me. I don't care, but don't do this around Bella."

The sister card broke the big man, and most of the anger left his eyes. He would no more fight in front of her than I would.

This didn't stop him from needling me. "Drop the good guy act. I know who you are, and it's not some pacifist that hides behind my sister's skirts."

"Leave, and I'll hide under them."

My sweet angel defended me. "Emmett, stop blaming other people's problems on Jasper. I'm not going to let you use him as some sort of scapegoat when life isn't going your way."

The brother didn't buy it. "You don't seriously believe this crap, do you? He planned this whole thing. All of it, Bella. It's what he does. Everything is a game to him."

"Not anymore. All Jasper wants is a good life with the people he loves. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because it's a lie. He wants you all to himself. No family. No friends. Just you."

He was absolutely right about that, and my senses were tingling from the opportunity he just threw in my lap. If I played this up, I could get everything I wanted.

I moved behind Bella and kept my expression neutral while she talked.

"Emmett, I understand your doubts, but you need to trust me when I say he didn't do anything."

_No. No. No. _

She convinced him to ease up on me. I saw it in his eyes. I couldn't have this. If he gave in and gave me a chance, it would ruin everything. We would have two good months, and then something else would come up to spoil her happy world.

Screw that. More important than any of us was my new fear. I didn't want my kid around drugged up Alice. Every time her old habits returned, her obsession with me followed. I gave her three days before she was stalking Bella with knives and plotting how she could steal our baby. This wasn't even me being an ass. The twisted bitch was crazy.

I gave Emmett my best fuck you smile that I hoped would convince him I really was behind all of it. The innocent girl between us didn't have a clue. I might have felt a twinge of guilt over it, but it quickly left when I saw Edward. He was thinking along the same lines as me.

Emmett took the bait. "Come find me when you wake up and leave him. Until then, I can't be around to watch this."

_Leave me? _

A few months ago, those words would have turned me into a paranoid, stuttering mess. I knew better now. My confidence in Bella's love was sure. She knew my flaws and loved me in spite of them. She would never leave me, but this didn't mean I couldn't pretend to have those same fears.

I played up a breakdown and hoped I came across convincingly. Was it a cheap ploy?

Probably, but it worked.

* * * * * *

"What the hell are you doing?" Edward barked at me when we went down to the basement after dinner.

I relaxed down into my recliner and turned on ESPN. "Watching television."

"Don't be a smart ass. It may have taken me a little bit, but I realized you were faking it."

Channel change. "Why would you think that?"

"The afternoon with your dad was a lie, and you didn't get in a real fight with him either. Why wouldn't you fake a breakdown?"

Wait. Did this mean Bella knew the stuff with my dad was a lie? "What do you know about what happened with my dad?"

"I know you wouldn't risk him coming near her if you didn't know for sure he wouldn't hurt her, and I also know what you do after you get in fights."

True. I always needed the same thing. A bottle of liquor and an available girl. "Did you tell, Bella?"

"No, I figured you had your reasons and let it go. I can't do that with this stuff about our friends. You caused it, didn't you?"

"Nope. I'm actually innocent this time. Go figure."

Eddie stole my remote. "You still can't do that shit to Bella. You really scared her when she thought you were going off the deep end again."

"You and I have an agreement about Bella, and it doesn't allow you to question what I do with my wife."

"Keep talking about her like she's property. That'll win you points."

Fuck him. I didn't need points. He already served his purpose, and dumping his opinionated ass was becoming very tempting. If it weren't for Bella, I would.

"Edward, I look over the fact that my girl makes your dick rise. The least you could do is cut me some slack."

Why deny the truth? He loved my wife. In the days before the wedding, I graciously stepped aside so he could enjoy some time with her before she became mine. It was part of our agreement.

He would stay around and provide Bella with companionship, and I would let him because it made her feel safe and less isolated. I knew for a fact that he didn't have a chance with her. She still didn't see the level of love he had for her. The girl was blind.

Edward asked the same question that had been bugging me for the last hour. "If you didn't cause the problems with Emmett and the others, who did? All that stuff at once is too much of a coincidence."

"I don't know, but I'm gonna find out."

* * * * * *

I met my primary suspect at the State Park. I narrowed it down to Alice. She was the only person besides me that would come up with something like this. The whole thing had her fingerprints all over it. I just didn't understand her motives.

She danced over to me. The tiny thing was a walking waltz and most assuredly not on drugs of any kind.

"Hello, Jasper."

"Hello, Alice."

She stopped in front of me and held her arms up. Without a second of hesitation, I lifted her up onto the table. This was a habit from a time long gone in our lives. When she was younger, she used to struggle to climb on top of things, and I always gave her a boost. I remembered how I tried to get her to stop following me around and then eventually gave up. It was her eyes. I still had trouble looking at her without seeing the lost girl she was.

Even as a kid, I was haunted by her damn eyes. Big and round. They were always half-filled with tears and a simple hope that someone would love her. I didn't, but Emmett and the others did.

"Did you like my wedding gift? Creating a situation where Emmett would come after you was pure brilliance if you ask me. Did it convince Bella that her brother and the others will never see what a good boy you pretend to be?"

Unexpected. I knew she would confess, but I didn't know this was all her idea of a wedding present. In the past, she only had two ideas for gifts. She usually gave me books on the Civil War that I didn't read, or she would try to play with my zipper.

"How did you know we got married?"

"Bella is pregnant. I knew you would find a way to get her to marry you. It's just who you are. When Emmett got upset about you leaving for a few weeks, I figured out that it was for a honeymoon or an elopement."

It still wasn't enough for her to know for sure. "What else?"

She smiled sweetly. "I might have gone to a couple of bridal shops and asked if someone matching your description came in. I knew you would want Bella to have a dress."

This was the problem with having longtime friends. They knew a person too damn well. "And?"

"You made quite the impression. They thought you were a poor farm boy that couldn't afford anything nicer than a simple dress."

How fucking stupid. "No kid from a farm could afford my car."

"True. But you dress like you shop at Goodwill," she tutted. "And they didn't see your car."

She reached up and brushed at my hair. "It's getting longer again."

I knocked her hand away. "What are you really up to, Alice? And don't pretend you're happy about me getting married. I know better. You hate Bella."

"Do I hate Bella Whitlock?" she asked accentuating the last name. "Nope. I actually care a great deal for her."

I waited for the exception. There had to be one.

Alice surprised me again. "But I love you more, and that's why I gave you what you needed."

"You don't know what I need."

"I always anticipate your needs, Jasper."

– _I always anticipate your needs. I knew you would eventually see things my way, and Edward agreed that we should start early._

I was Alice. The attention I paid to every detail of Bella's life. The obsessive need I had to keep her all to myself. The way I pushed myself on her constantly. The insecurity. The need I had to tie her to me with something beyond a fragile, emotional bond.

The only difference was I ended up with the object of my obsession. Alice didn't.

She smiled sadly. "Don't worry about me. I've let you go. Laurent helped me. He isn't you, but he made me realize that getting what you want isn't always the fairy tale ending people believe it is."

A sick feeling formed in my gut. "What do you mean? Are you saying Bella won't be happy with me?"

"No, I'm saying I wouldn't have been."

I still didn't understand. What the hell was this? I tried to break it all down in my head, but it wasn't coming together.

Alice explained. "You need to make a clean break. I tried to help you with that by giving Emmett a reason to hate you even more. By now, Bella has to have figured out that we all can't live in harmony."

"But why would you do this when you don't want me with anyone else?"

"Not everyone is as selfish as you, Jasper. I can be happy knowing I let you go to someone who loves you and accepts you. Bella does that, and no one else ever will. That's all I ever wanted for you."

"No shit, I'm selfish. And I won't apologize for it or anything else."

"If you did, you wouldn't be you, but deep inside, you still hate yourself for it. I think it's about time you accepted the person you are."

The women in my life were what made me crazy. What the fuck was she saying now? "Alice, translate that crap. I'm not a woman."

"The hardest person to love is yourself. Don't let that be the last love you find, Jasper. Figure it out now, and then you can finally be happy."

I went to the State Park looking for a game playing minx and ended up with a mangled Oprah Winfrey. This day was officially shit.

"Don't try that crap on me. My head is already messed up enough. Just tell me your thoughts on how you want the rest of this to play out. I need to get home."

We worked it out in less than five minutes. Alice would play the pissy girl that hated Bella for breaking up our unhappy family. Emmett and the others could blame me for what happened. Bella, Edward, and I would tricycle our way out of their world.

Perfect. Fine. Done.

But I still had a problem with all this. "Why didn't you take up for me that night at Carlisle's house? You and Rosalie just stood there and didn't try to help me at all. Why are you switching sides now?"

"I was always on your side. I just had to decide if being on your side was the same as being on Bella's. I really do love her and the baby, but don't tell anybody. We all have our secrets."

With that, Alice waltzed her little ass out of my life for good.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, I'm curious about people's thoughts on Alice. People have gone back and forth with her through both stories. How do you feel now?  
**

**The next two chapters will end the story. They are pretty much epilogue chapters that give a better wrap up to the story. Jasper and Bella both get their own final word.  
**

**Thanks again for the great reviews. I hope you all had a happy and safe holiday season. I'll see you next week.  
**

**- Cris  
**


	40. Chapter 40

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 40 - Bella

Something was wrong with Jasper. We had lived in our new house for three weeks, and each day carried him further away from me. I tried talking to him, and he found a dozen other things he would rather do. I gave him his space and hoped it would blow over soon. I knew that pressuring him to talk always backfired.

While he pretty much ignored us, Edward and I worked on the nursery. We took our inspiration from our surroundings. In addition to the lake the house overlooked, we were surrounded by trees and greenery. With this in mind, the nursery's main palette consisted of varying shades of brown and cream with a few blue and green accents.

My favorite parts of the room were the stuffed bears and the pillows we found on one of our shopping excursions. There was a deer, a turtle, and a bird. They were whimsical and fun but didn't look like cartoons. I adored them.

When it was all said and done, I surprised Jasper with a big reveal just for the two of us. It did not go as planned. He teared up and sat down in a corner with one of the teddy bears clutched to his chest. I sat down across from him, and he wouldn't even make eye contact with me.

"What is going on with you?" I asked. "You barely talk to me or look at me. You even stayed home and let Edward go with me to my last doctor's appointment. Are you mad or something? I don't understand."

Jasper stared at the head of the bear and didn't speak. I tried to be patient and let him gather his thoughts. Before, I always assumed he didn't have an answer. I now knew it just took him a bit to get his thoughts in line.

"Bella, I did something bad again. I've wanted to tell you for weeks, but there are a thousand reasons why I shouldn't."

He was always doing something bad. I was used to this. It was just who he was. I knew better than to expect him to be perfect given the way he was raised and the life he led. It was almost predictable at this point that he would sabotage our relationship with one stupid manipulation or another.

I was just thankful for the improvements he had made. They were truly remarkable considering where he started from. He was still young and stupid in a lot of ways, just like me.

"Let's start with why you think you shouldn't tell me."

He took a few more minutes before he spoke again. "You'll get really upset, which isn't good for you or the baby. You'll be disappointed in me, and I hate that. Oh, and you'll hate me because I'm a lying prick like always."

"Anything else?"

"I'm selfish and stupid. I only think about what I want and never consider you. Basically, I'm an asshole, and I don't deserve you."

Okay. This was going to be one of those days. "Jasper, I understand why you do the things you do. You get scared, or you get some crazy thought in your head that sets you off course. And then, you make really bad choices because you are convinced it's the only way to keep me close to you."

None of this was news to me. I was well aware of his flaws, and I accepted them. "All I ask is that when your head clears and you realize how bad you messed up that you talk to me."

He nodded. There were more minutes of him thinking before the confession came. It was bad. Really bad. Worse than I expected.

The day with his father was a lie. There was no fight and the whole meeting was a setup. Not to be outdone by the stupidity of that, Jasper decided to then fake a breakdown and cover up Alice's activities.

Great. Lovely. Wonderful. My husband was a manipulative, lying ass, but I knew that when I married him. I was the naive and overly, hopeful wife that forgave him when no one else would. This was us. Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock. We weren't perfect. We were flawed people with a relationship no one would ever understand. But they didn't have to because we did.

I got mad. How could I not? "I hate when you pull this shit. All you had to do was talk to me and tell me how much you wanted to get away from everyone."

"I know. I just get tired of you taking forever to catch up with me. I didn't want to wait anymore. I want our life."

No, that wasn't the real reason at all. "You want to be able to control the life we have, and you can't do that. Conflict happens. Problems come up. You can't avoid that by restricting the number of people in our lives."

This brought me to the biggest problem I had with what he did. He completely disregarded my relationship with Emmett. How could he do that when he knew how much my brother meant to me?

My emotions started to get the better of me. I had tried to play it cool and let this just roll off my back. I couldn't do that.

I stood up and headed out of the room. Jasper caught me from behind. "Don't leave me. You can't go."

Wrong words from a stupid bastard. Did he really have that little faith in my love for him? Did he still think our relationship was that weak that we couldn't hold up against the inevitable sabotage he pulled like clockwork?

I turned around and pushed at his chest with each sentence that came to me. "Quit thinking I'm going to leave you. Quit testing our relationship with stupid lies just to see how far you can push me. Quit trying to cage me up like some kind of goddamn bird."

"I'm not..."

Another push from me. "Quit talking. This is my turn. I don't want to hear your excuses. I don't want to listen to you tell me not to get upset when you're the one that creates all these problems. I don't want to live with this constant shadow over us while I wait for you to fuck up again."

Oh, there was more. I was hardly done with him.

"I want you out of this room and out of this house. I don't want to see your face or hear your voice until you have this mess straightened out."

Jasper's eyes widened. "You're kicking me out."

"You bet your ass I am. You tell my brother the truth, and you get _our_ cabin back from your father. Is that clear enough for you?"

"Fuck that. I'm not going anywhere."

"You'll do what I tell you, and be real damn glad I'm not demanding more. Now pack your shit, and get out. Come back to me ready to be honest, or don't come back at all."

We stood there glaring at each other for several long seconds. Neither of us planned on giving in to the other. He wanted to stay, and I would rather sleep out on the dock than share a house with him.

When Jasper finally spoke again, he taunted me with another truth that broke my heart. "Just so you know, Edward knows about all this. So don't bother curling up to him and crying about what a piece of shit I am. He's no better than me."

It wasn't enough that Jasper pulled himself down. He always had to bring someone with him. This time it was Edward.

Phsst. Who was I kidding? Edward had set up Jasper on more than one occasion several months ago, which caused all kinds of hell in our lives. He was definitely more than capable of lying for whatever reasons matched up with his current motives.

I let my tone drip with sweet menace. "Well, I guess you'll have company on the road then."

* * * * * *

Days alone turned into weeks alone. I drove myself around for the first time since December. I went shopping for groceries. I read a dozen books. I cooked for my own tastes. There were only three days I had someone else in the house, and that was Emmett.

He came to visit me after Jasper and Edward told him about Alice's scheme. The visit went well. We agreed that we would keep our relationship completely separate from other people. No matter which side the others fell on, Emmett and I would always stay close. I knew he would never fully accept Jasper, but I no longer expected him to.

The fallout from the confession changed a few things for everyone. My brother forgave Alice, but Laurent didn't. He split with her and was packing up to move back to Washington. Alice ended up moving in with Emmett, which caused friction between him and Rosalie.

The two of them never did fully sort out their issues. I think she was just tired of all the madness. Rosalie had dealt for so long with Alice and Jasper that she was ready to let it all go. I couldn't say I blamed her. It was exhausting dealing with these people.

Things weren't so great on our end either. Jasper and I hadn't talked since the day I asked him to leave. Edward called and asked all the questions my husband wanted answered. It eliminated any potential for arguments that would make our situation worse.

One question was always the same. Could they come home yet? The answer was always no. Jasper still hadn't gone to his father to get our cabin back, and I didn't want him back until he did.

We were both incredibly stubborn and a hundred percent determined to get our way. I didn't care if I had to drive myself to the hospital and have Hale alone I wasn't backing down.

When week four hit, Edward knocked on the front door. He held up his hands. "I come in peace."

I peeked around him and saw Jasper sitting in the car. He was pretending to read a book. Fat chance. His head might be angled down, but his eyes were on me.

"Did he get the cabin back?"

"Nope. I've come to talk to you and check to make sure you're as good as you say."

"I'm good."

Good at lying. I was miserable. Food tasted like crap. My body ached in places I didn't want to think about. I had no one to talk to and no hope that I might in the future. Just seeing Edward made me want to tie him to me with a rope and never let him out of my sight. None of this made me want to back down. I was determined to get my way this time.

"Dammit, Bella. You're eight months pregnant. Give up already, and let him come back."

I tilted my chin up defiantly. "No."

"You want honest. Here you go. He's not going to get the cabin back. It's a point of pride with him. He'd rather die than ask his dad for anything."

"Not true. He had to ask for his father's cooperation to go along with the fake meeting we had. Jasper just refuses to ask for something that's not important to him."

"Do you really want him to have to go to that man and beg for that cabin? Because that's the only way his father will give it back. He's wanted to break Jasper for years, and he never succeeded. Why would you give him an opportunity to finally be able to do it?"

"That's not the point."

Edward kept defending his new buddy. "You're right. You just want to show him that you won't let him walk all over you. Fine. He gets it. But if you keep up with this shit about the cabin, you will not like what you get in the process."

"And what exactly is that?"

"Do you really think he will just wait this out and hope you let him back? Because if you do, then you don't know Jasper."

It wasn't fair. Why was I the one that had to compromise? Why did I have to always give in? To hell with that, I wasn't doing it anymore.

"He can't come back."

"It's not about him coming back anymore, Bella. You are about to lose him for good, and you don't even know it."

Fat chance of that. Jasper would never give up. "He can come back when he's ready to be honest and he has the keys to that cabin in his hand."

"Because that shows he's good? You are so full of it. You piss and moan about the bad stuff he does, but you love it all the same. You need to get over yourself and deal with what you created."

My mouth fell open. What the hell did he just say to me?

Edward wasn't done. "Don't look at me that way. If Jasper was a sweet guy, you wouldn't love him."

"That is not true."

"Bull. You, and all the other girls like you, want the bad boy, and when you get him, you complain about it. You need to stop it. No one feels sorry for you, Bella. You got exactly what you wanted."

Well, that was just … very spot on. Dang it.

Conversation over. Jasper was done waiting. He got out of his car and approached us with a determined stride. It was easy standing up to a repentant Jasper, who only wanted to make things right. This man wasn't apologetic at all. He was pissed off and gunning for me. This was my initial interpretation, but I soon discovered that I was very wrong.

He sent Edward scurrying away with just a word. "Disappear."

When we were alone, he shocked me with what he had to say. "I don't want this anymore. We need to end it now before it gets worse."

I blinked up at him. I couldn't even get words to form. I just stood there staring at him like an idiot.

Jasper continued. "You can keep Hale. I won't ruin his life by fighting you for him. Raise him here with Edward. Move back with your brother. I don't care. Either of them would be better for him than me."

All the light just left. It was gone. "What are you talking about?"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish. Money won't be a problem. I'll give you enough to last a dozen lifetimes. All I ask is that you leave me alone. Don't call me. Don't come looking for me. I'm done here."

He turned and walked away from me. I looked around me and saw a rock in one of the planters. I picked it up and threw it at him as hard as I could. It hit him square in the back.

"You are not going anywhere," I shouted.

Jasper stopped but didn't turn to face me. "You threw it with your left hand, didn't you?"

Huh? "Why is that important?"

"Because all I have now are the little details that make you the person you are. When I see a cow, I always think it should be gray. When I walk through the grocery store, I buy apples even when you aren't around to eat them. I can't have you, but I can have those thoughts and buy them fucking apples and believe for a second that I still have you."

How did we go from a stupid fight about a cabin to this? Jasper was giving up when everything he wanted was finally in his hands. I knew it wasn't a game or a manipulation. He truly believed that leaving was best.

It would never be best. We would never get over each other. Together or apart, our lives would continue to be about each other. Why not live them together? Why not continue fighting hard for the love we had?

"You do have me, and you don't have to go."

He finally turned back and looked at me. There was a small smile on his face. "You gave me a gift when you left me. I didn't realize it for years, but I finally figured it out. You made me fight to get better. You made want to be good for the first time in my life. It just took me a while to realize I can't do any of that."

"You are better. You've come so far. Don't go now, and don't give up."

"The best thing I can do for you is to go. I can do that. You can have a normal life. Find Hale a good father. Give him the life we didn't have. Give him the life I can't."

_The best. Liar. Fraud. _I only focused on the part where he wanted to abandon us.

This was his fault. He came into my life and wrecked it just like he did before. I told him this was wrong. I told him we shouldn't be together. He kept pushing and pushing me until I broke. And now he was going to run.

_Coward. I latched on to the word. _"Go. Run. I'll tell Hale his father was a worthless coward that didn't love him enough to stay."

"That's not true, and you know it."

"What do you care what I say to him? You won't be here. He won't know you. I can tell him anything I want."

Jasper's temper started to boil. "You will not lie to him about me."

"Let's try the truth. Should I tell him you made the choice to stay away because you didn't want to put in the effort to be a good dad? How about that counseling was too much work and honesty was way beyond your capabilities?"

"Stop saying that shit," he yelled.

"Stop being such a blind ass and see what's in front of you. I've given you everything you want, and you're throwing it in my face with some excuse that makes you sound like the good guy you aren't."

He stepped further away from me. "I'm trying to do what's right."

_This isn't working. Try something else._

I went barreling in another direction. "You're just pissed off because I finally stood up to you. You thought you married a doormat that would put up with your shit. Now that you know I won't, you don't want me."

Jasper was on a course straight for his car. I threw one last thing at him.

"You don't love Hale, and you never loved me. If you leave us, I won't so much as tell him who you are. Your name will die the second you drive away from here. I'll find him a new father, and you'll just be someone _his _son resembles."

That got him to stop. The last part was exactly what he asked me to do, but hearing it said like that was eye-opening for him. His hand was on the handle of his car, and he was finally taking a second to think.

I took this chance to try to reason with him. "Jasper, you're doing it again. You've got a crazy idea in your head about what you think you need to do. Every time it happens, you regret the choices you make."

I understood that he was confused. Hell, I was, too. Neither of us knew what we were doing. We were learning through trial and error. Messing up again didn't mean he should just give up.

"Bella, I don't know what's right anymore. Nothing makes sense. I don't know what to do."

"It's easy. You stop, and you talk to me. Together we can sift through all the nonsense until we figure out what's really wrong."

Easy wasn't accurate, but the talking part was. One of our biggest obstacles to success was our failure to communicate. We were both guilty of it.

He groaned out his frustration. "I don't like talking."

"So your answer is to give up everything you have because talking is too much work. That's a sorry excuse for leaving, and I don't accept it."

I could hear the ice Jasper built around his heart start to crack. It just took shaking him up a bit to make it happen.

He smiled. "You don't accept it. Wow. I don't know what to say to that."

"Come inside with me. I'll fix you lunch, and you don't have to say anything unless you want to. Sound good?"

"What happened to talking?"

"Jasper, there is a time for talking and a time for shutting up and letting the bad go away. We can be quiet for an hour. Besides, my feet hurt, and I'm hungry."

This brought out his worried side. "What's wrong with your feet?" A glance down. "Dammit, Bella. Why are you barefooted, and what the hell happened to your feet?"

They were terribly swollen, which was why I was barefoot. "They don't look that bad, do they?"

"They look like they hurt." He swept me up into his arms and carried me into the house. "What else is wrong with you?"

So many things. If I listed them all out, Jasper would probably drop me. "Nothing. I'm actually pretty good."

Lunch was quiet like we needed. It gave us both time to settle down. When we finished eating, I dragged him upstairs to our bedroom. I relaxed into my favorite chaise lounge, and Jasper got down on the floor and started massaging my feet. His hands were a godsend.

His words were not. "I still think I should go."

"I think you should stop going from one extreme to another. You don't have to be a saint or a sinner. Just be Jasper."

I leaned back and closed my eyes. He continued to rub my feet, and I relaxed into a nap knowing he would be here when I woke up.

* * * * * *

**June 1**

Jasper didn't leave. He stayed with me, and I dropped my demand for him to get the cabin back. We could have fought about it longer, but I didn't need the stress. I felt bad enough without emotional hell making me worse.

I didn't know if letting things drop was the best way of handling the issue, but it was what we did. Staying mad wasn't getting me anywhere. Had I not been pregnant and miserable, I might have had a different outlook, but the truth was that I needed Jasper.

It took several weeks for Mother Nature to take offense to the relative calm in our lives. She let loose storms on the first day of June that never seemed to end. Large hail, fierce lightening, and a never ending stream of tornado warnings kept us glued to the television all day.

The day was already bad. My back had been aching worse than usual and was getting worse. My guys were acting like scared children every time I so much as blinked. And I was making a trip to the bathroom every five minutes.

Jasper helped me to my feet. "Again? This can't be right. Let's go to the doctor."

I wanted to punch him in the face. He knew my next appointment was tomorrow. "Shut up about the doctor. I'm pregnant. The diagnosis came months ago."

"And here I thought you just liked eating," Edward joked.

Why did my best friend have to be a male? I needed a female friend. She would understand why I flinched every time my stomach tightened up. She would know that I felt like I swallowed an entire watermelon. She wouldn't groan from the exertion of helping me to my feet. It wasn't like I wanted to get up. I felt worse every time I did.

_Whine. Whine. Whine. _If my brain quietly complained this much now, how would I be in a few weeks when it came time to actually have the baby?

A loud rumble of thunder followed my exit from the bathroom. I barely had time to blink before a crack of lightening deafened me. The power in the house went out immediately after.

Jasper was at my side in a flash. "Hold on tight to me. I don't want you tripping."

As nice as his escort was, it became unnecessary when the lights flickered back on. Or was it? Taking a single step didn't even seem possible. Pain. Blinding, fiery pain.

I gripped his arm tightly. "Uahh. Damn. Help me sit down."

Predictably, he lost his mind. "Are you hurting? Is it the baby? Tell me what's wrong."

Having him yelling at me didn't make this better. Fuck. I wanted to rip off his hand and feed it to him. If he wasn't such a paranoid idiot, I could tell him exactly how awful I felt. The truth would get me sent straight to the hospital. That wasn't happening.

"Just help me sit down, and stop yelling at me."

An hour later, Edward sent Jasper off on some bogus errand to get a pillow for me. My man took off at a run, and Edward started talking to me.

"Tell me how you really feel. I know something is wrong."

I started crying more out of frustration than pain. "My back is on fire, and it keeps getting worse. Please, don't tell him. You know how he gets."

"I need more information, Bella. Hurry before he comes back."

I gave him all the gory details I didn't even want to admit to myself.

Jasper ran back with the pillow and slid to a stop. "What did you do to her? Why is she crying?"

"I didn't do shit. I think she's in labor."

Five hours later, Nathaniel Hale Whitlock was born.

* * * * * *

Our baby was beautiful and wonderful and a hundred other adjectives that couldn't possibly do him justice. Karma repaid me big time when it came to him. Hale was the best baby a new mother could hope for. He cried only when he needed something. He smiled all the time and absolutely adored his father.

The family we made up was admittedly a little strange. Hale pretty much had two dads. Jasper wasn't even the least bit jealous of the time Edward spent with our son. If anything, he was grateful for the help.

We all had no clue what to do with the little thing, and the books we had were woefully inadequate. The first month was mostly the three of us standing over the crib and observing this new person we barely knew. Everything he did fascinated us.

What did that sound mean? Was he supposed to smell like candy? Would his eyes stay like that?

Having Hale brought us all much closer than we were before. Edward and Jasper were getting along now like the best of friends. There had always been a little tension between them, but it was a thing of the past after the baby was born.

The biggest change came out of Jasper. He seemed to settle down and actually enjoy his life again. His doing so allowed us to do the same. Life was finally good.

We were just missing one very key component. Edward needed a girl.

So many changes began with the first day of a school year. I met my future husband on the first day of my senior year in high school. I met Edward's future wife on the first day of what should have been our senior year in college.

We were walking along a path through a maze of buildings. Both of us were in a hurry. I wanted to get home to my husband and new baby. Edward was in a rush because he didn't believe Jasper could handle being alone with Hale for four hours.

We were as lost in our own world as always when my clumsy feet brought us a gift. I tripped and fell, bringing my books tumbling down with me. Edward helped me like the perfect gentleman he was.

"Please, don't be hurt. You know he'll kill me."

My guy was going on five months of good behavior. This was a record for him. Usually, he lasted two months. "He won't kill you. He'll laugh at me for tripping over my feet."

The sun went away. It was sudden and jarring considering how bright it was today. Edward and I looked up.

Mystery person spoke. "I think this paper is yours. It went flying when you dropped your books."

The two sentences were spoken so softly that we almost missed them.

We stood up, and Edward's world shifted.

Lucy was an education major with a dream of teaching kindergarten in her home town. She was terribly shy and so delicate in appearance that a gust of wind could blow her away. She had fine features and hair so pale it was almost white. Anyone that didn't know her personally would have felt a chill from her. She was like ice, cold and remote.

When she grew more comfortable with someone, she opened up and revealed a kind woman with a spirit that made me think of a bird. She flew wildly from one thought to another, and Edward could barely keep up with her. Every word out of her mouth put a smile on his face.

What I loved most about Lucy was how she didn't take herself too seriously. She ruffled Edward's hair and forced him to play with her in the rain. If she got muddy from the lake, she laughed it off and drew streaks across her face. She had a perfect balance of adorable and sweet without coming across as childish or naive.

Edward was lucky to have found her, and as a whole, we were lucky to have her in the family.

* * * * * *

The worst was finally over for us. I wouldn't lie and say Jasper and I had the storybook ending that soothed a reader's heart. He continued to make mistakes, but most importantly, he never stopped trying to improve himself. His apologies were many, and my forgiveness was endless.

I couldn't even say we weren't even. My mistakes equaled his in volume though he surpassed mine in severity. Of course in my eyes, he always surpassed everyone in everything.

In no way would I hold our relationship up as the ideal situation. A few people called Jasper abusive, and in some ways he was.

My husband never hit me or our kids. He never once made me feel that I wasn't worth anything. What he did was control every piece of information I was given and use this to manipulate my perception of the world. I made choices I never would have made because of the false reality he created for me.

This didn't last forever, and it was because I began to question everything. I examined each word out of his mouth and searched for the true meaning behind his words. His actions were scrutinized as well.

Through therapy and a dedication to open communication, we managed to find a way to make our relationship work. Over time, Jasper developed a keener understanding of how his behavior damaged those around him, and he took great pains to avoid the traps that always brought him down. This didn't happen with the snap of my fingers. It took years for us to get to a place where we were truly solid.

It was when I looked at our children that I saw the true evidence of our hard work. They never doubted for a single second that they were loved. They never lived with the fear that was a staple in Jasper's childhood. We gave them boundaries and instilled a measured discipline in them without taking away their individual selves.

As time continued on, I could go to sleep at night with a smile on my face and few regrets in my heart. In the morning, I would rise knowing that easy, free laughter would fill my home.

* * *

**Author's Note: Just to answer a few questions. I don't plan on writing a third part to this story. I am very ready to start something new. I also do not know if I will be writing any more fanfiction. If I do, it won't post for several months. **

**Something I do want to do is thank everyone for their support throughout both stories. I hope you enjoyed what you read. I certainly had fun writing it. It's been a blast invading the minds of Jasper and Bella. They were a tricky pair, and I hope I gave you all something different from anything else that is out there. **

**The last chapter is a Jasper POV. A few people thought I destroyed his character with his last POV, and all I can say to that is that I merely illuminated the truth of who he is. If people were as fooled by him as Bella, then I guess I did my job.**

**Thanks again, and I'll see you next week.**

**- Cris  
**


	41. Chapter 41

**Last Love Found  
**Chapter 41 - Jasper

**Jasper POV**

I knew I messed up in the month before we came here. My world stopped being about Bella and became all about me. I even focused more on Hale than I did on her. That changed. I now wondered if having him was such a great idea after all.

He completely drained her of all energy. Then there was the whole mess of other issues I tried to ignore. Mainly how much it would hurt her when he was born. Doing the work to get him in there was a very fun and satisfying experience. Getting him out wasn't going to be such a great thing.

Bella accepted all this with a smile. She never once complained and was actually glowing with contentment. How could this be? How could she be so blissful when her world was going to be taken over by this new thing that she didn't even plan for?

Guilt began to eat at me. Fear took a bite as well. What if things didn't go as planned? Worse case scenarios ran through my head constantly. They all ended with her gone and me left all alone.

I couldn't live without this person. My heart would stop if she didn't give it a reason to beat. How could a person so selfish and focused on himself need another person so desperately? I had no answer for this. I had no answer for anything. My head was slowing down, and my thoughts weren't adding up for shit.

The bad things I did were weighing heavy around my neck. I almost confessed my sins just to see if it would stop all the nonsense in my head. I didn't speak. I couldn't. I wanted to, but I feared that doing so would put too much strain on her.

It was in our fourth week here that I broke and confessed. It was seeing that damn room. Edward put the nursery together with her. He painted the walls. He helped her pick out the crib. Him. With her. No me.

There were teddy bears. I never had one. Hale did. He had everything I didn't have. There was one exception. He had the same shitty kind of father I did. I was the weak point in this structure. I was where the house would crack and the roof cave in.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell. She needed to know how weak I was. She needed to know she should get rid of me. She deserved better.

I told her everything.

She kicked me out. Good for her.

She made Edward go with me. Bad for us.

* * * * * *

Two weeks with someone I didn't like. I only thought I hated Edward before. I was downright murderous now. He blamed all this on me. We were never that friendly, but when I confessed to Bella, I jumped about ten notches higher on his shit list. We were a fight waiting to happen.

The argument finally hit. I was drunk. He was eying the bottle and licking his lips. I kept waving it in front of him. I would pay good money for him to fall off the wagon again. If I was already at the bottom, he should at least join me.

It wasn't the booze that broke him. It was when I made a crude comment about some chick's ass when we were crossing the street to get back to the hotel.

"God, I hate you so much," he spit at me.

Unbelievable. He got pissed over me noticing some piece of ass no one cared about. Was he gay or something? Who gave a fuck?

"Cullen, go get your dick wet and quit thinking about mine."

"I'm thinking about Bella."

My brain was broke. My funny bone wasn't. "She doesn't have a dick. I can testify to that."

There was a roar. Me against a pillar. The back of my head cracking against the stone. The world got fuzzier than it already was. Son of a bitch.

Edward got in my face. "Why can't you just go jump in front of a speeding truck and make everyone's life better?"

Tempting. It wouldn't be the first time I thought about it. But I couldn't. I had shit to take care of. "I gotta kid on the way."

"No, you don't. I do. I take Bella to the doctor. I worked on the nursery. I held her hair back when she was getting sick for months. I took care of her when she cried over you. When Hale is born, I'll be the one taking care of both of them because you're too weak to so much as take care of yourself."

Eddie backed up, and I slid to the ground. He must have been holding me up. Typical. It was all he was really good for, and he knew it. Loser. He thought he was the dad. It was just like a Cullen to claim something that wasn't theirs.

I knew what he was doing. "You just want to steal my family from me."

Edward. Carlisle. They were the same. Evil. Hungry. They lived off envy.

And I was living off a brain that wasn't working and a heart that was slowing down. I was tired of this crap. Bella needed to get over her shit and take me back. I couldn't do this much longer.

The cabin was gone. I would rather jump off a cliff than ask my dad to give it back. I could hear it now. It would be the same as always.

_Weak. Stupid._

_You're only good for one thing._

_You failed. Again._

_She doesn't love you._

_No one will._

It wasn't that he hated me. He hated himself. I was just a reflection of the nightmares he had in his own head. If he could beat me down far enough, he could finally win at something. I understood this.

Hell, I needed it, too. I liked being at the bottom. It was familiar. Fuck. It was inevitable. We all knew where I was going. I just occasionally forgot it for a couple months, but the map always showed back up. And I followed it like the good boy I wasn't.

Wreck the world. Hurt the girl. Hate myself.

When I screwed up bad enough, I could again force her to prove how much she loved me. I needed that reassurance. I needed to know that she would love me forever. I needed so much, and she was the only one that ever gave me anything good.

Sweet. Innocent. Beautiful Bella.

She was the only good thing I had. Those smiles in the morning. The way she said my name in her sleep. She was everything to me, and I couldn't measure up to what she gave me. I was nothing. Weak. Stupid. Lying me.

I felt like crying. "I love her so much. She's all I got, Edward. She's all I got."

My fists punched at the ground. Her. Always her.

Edward grabbed the back of my hair and twisted my head up. "Stop hurting yourself. You're going to break your hand."

Better than his face. Bella would kill me.

He helped me to my feet and let me lean against him while we walked to my room. I hung on like he was a life preserver. Reliable. Lifesaving. Honest – mostly – Edward.

I fell back on my bed and watched the room rotate.

Water was running. Edward brought me a glass. Good friend. It didn't make a dime's worth of sense.

"Why are you helping me?"

I sat up and drank the water. He talked while he cleaned my bloody knuckles. "You're my brother. I'll always help you. You just won't always like how I do it."

Brother. It was just like him. He was better than me. Always. He could give Bella the world. I couldn't even give her a good day anymore.

"You love her, don't you?" I needed to know.

"What do you want me to tell you?" Edward said softly. "Do you want to know that I hated you for coming back here? How about that every time I see you with her, I want to rip your throat out?"

There. Finally. I smiled. "I knew you loved her."

He got pissed again and threw a washcloth at my head.

"Does knowing make it better, Jasper? Can you sleep now that you know how I feel? Can you rest knowing that I would kill to have half of what you have? Why don't you go to sleep? We'll see if you make it through to the morning."

Damn. Edward grew some fucking balls. I had to respect that, but I didn't have to let him know it. "What the fuck is your problem? You go from nice brother to threatening to kill me."

"I try to help you, and you throw Bella in my face. Stop being an ass. You got the girl. Man up and take care of her."

He wasn't done. "And for the sake of my fucking sanity, stop bringing up how much I care about her. I know it. I feel it. Every time I walk in a room, I get to see your wife, carrying your child, and not loving me. So stop fucking pointing it out to me all the goddamn time."

Me. Asshole. Him. Saint. He was also confusing as all fuck. "Why don't you stop switching sides and pick a pony? It'll make my life easier."

"You try caring about two people and trying to do the best for them both. I've got a naive girl that tiptoes into the water just far enough to drown, and I've got a stupid ass that wants to drown, so he dives into the deep end every time. What do you do when they need each other but can't figure out how to make it work?"

The room got bright. More words from him lit that fucker up like it was on fire. "Should I let you both drown? Should I let you lose each other and then live with the fact that I could have helped?"

I stayed quiet. It seemed smart. He was reaching a nuclear level of pissed at my drunk ass.

"Come on, Jasper. Answer. If you got a good plan, let me know because all I've seen so far is you fucking up and all of us suffering for it."

It wasn't all my fault. "You helped me lie to her."

"Bella lies to herself. She likes life to be what she sees it as. I thought letting her have that was the right thing to do. I was wrong."

No shit he was wrong. We all were.

More truth from me. It was about time. "It sucks not being able to make shit work like I want. I thought I would come down here and life would be good. I never thought I would hurt her. If I did, I wouldn't have come back."

Edward's anger fizzled. "I know you did. You just can't see what the real problem is. You found an honest girl, and then you lied to her. It doesn't match up, Jasper."

No, it didn't. "I can't be good. We know it."

He got impatient. "That excuse is getting old. You've got to stop jerking her around. You're going to wake up one day and find a woman that resents you for the games you play and the good life she lost by believing in you."

Not true. "Bella will always forgive me. She'll always love me."

"And you'll just keep taking advantage of it until you wear her down to nothing. Why do you treat the one person you love worse than the rest of the world you hate? Quit punishing her for being everything you wish you were."

Bella gave me a hundred gifts, and I never gave her shit. That had to change. I had to do what Edward said. I had to stop punishing her. I had to give her a real chance to be happy. If anyone deserved it, she did. Hell, he did, too.

* * * * * *

The choice was clear. I had to let her go. It was what my instincts always told me from the very beginning. Bella needed a man who gave her as much as she gave him. I hoped she would open her eyes and find Edward. If anyone could love her like she deserved, he was the one. She could love him, and I could feel good about it.

I showed up dead to our house. I sat in the car and got my words right in my head. Detached. Short. Cold. The ice in my veins was freezing the love out and making the numb take over.

_You don't care._ _She doesn't matter. I hate her. She is nothing._

The words helped. They didn't last time, but they damn sure would this time. I got out of the car. I spoke my peace. She lost her shit.

Bella yelled at me. I was finally letting her go, and she didn't understand it was for the best. I was doing it again. Tearing her down when all I wanted was to make this right. Some of the ice left. I had to make her understand. I had to make her see.

"You gave me a gift when you left me. I didn't realize it for years, but I finally figured it out. You made me fight to get better. You made want to be good for the first time in my life. It just took me a while to realize I can't do any of that."

"You are better. You've come so far. Don't go now, and don't give up."

She still believed. How was that possible? Why couldn't she let me go when it was the only good choice we had?

"The best thing I can do for you is to go. I can do that. You can have a normal life. Find Hale a good father. Give him the life we didn't have. Give him the life I can't."

I wanted it more than anything. I would watch from a distance and see him grow up strong and see her smile big. They would be safe and happy, and I could be happy seeing them find what we always wanted. This was right. This was good.

Bella didn't see. She was as blind as always. "Go. Run. I'll tell Hale his father was a worthless coward that didn't love him enough to stay."

No. I loved him _too much_ to stay. Both of them. They were all I had. "That's not true, and you know it."

My sweet girl died and left me with a raging bitch. "What do you care what I say to him? You won't be here. He won't know you. I can tell him anything I want."

Not happening. I would kill her before I let her lie to him about anything. My son would not live my life. Never. No lies. No pain. Bella would be a good mother to him. She would give him what I couldn't.

I tried to make this clear. "You will not lie to him about me."

She switched things up on me. "Let's try the truth. Should I tell him you made the choice to stay away because you didn't want to put in the effort to be a good dad? How about that counseling was too much work and honesty was way beyond your capabilities?"

I never wanted to slap her so bad in my life. "Stop saying that shit."

"Stop being such a blind ass and see what's in front of you. I've given you everything you want, and you're throwing it in my face with some excuse that makes you sound like the good guy you aren't."

I was leaving. If I didn't, this would get ugly. I had to be the strong one for once. "I'm trying to do what's right."

"You're just pissed off because I finally stood up to you. You thought you married a doormat that would put up with your shit. Now that you know I won't, you don't want me."

I let the words bounce off my armor. She didn't even dent it. I was gone. She needed to accept it.

Bella had to go and get smart. She ended up finding something that burned the metal right off my back.

"You don't love Hale, and you never loved me. If you leave us, I won't so much as tell him who you are. Your name will die the second you drive away from here. I'll find him a new father, and you'll just be someone _his _son resembles."

Edward raising my kid. It was what I thought I wanted, but seeing it in my head and hearing similar words out of her mouth wrecked me.

_No. Let this happen. It's best. He's best. _

A terrible image played in my head. I wanted to grab her by the back of the neck and force her to see him. I wanted her to tell me if she could love him. I wanted her to show me she could so that it made leaving her the right decision.

Her angel's voice made the image fade. "Jasper, you're doing it again. You've got a crazy idea in your head about what you think you need to do. Every time it happens, you regret the choices you make."

Was she right? Was this just more of the same crap from before? Did I know what I was doing? Could it be that I didn't know anything more now than I did in all the times before? When was I ever right about anything?

Fucking never. She was the one that was right. Always her. I was just the confused idiot that brought all this hell into our lives and ended up leaving her with a giant mess to clean up.

Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. There was no distinction between them anymore. I was as lost now as always.

"Bella, I don't know what's right anymore. Nothing makes sense. I don't know what to do."

She wanted to talk. Wonderful. That was about as appealing as cutting my balls off. Hell, they already belonged to her anyway. Maybe I should just do it.

I looked over at her and marveled at this woman. She was back to that strong person I met so many years ago. Weakness didn't rule her life. Strength, patience, and love guided her along a path filled with rocks and holes I dug. She tripped and fell, but it wasn't me that picked her up. She did that herself. She always did. I was just the guy that cushioned her fall after he pushed her down.

We were a fucked up, beautiful disaster. We were us.

* * * * * *

I stayed, and I promised us both there would be no more leaving. We were in this to the end. We could fight and tear each other's hair out and then go make love for the rest of the day.

Well, the sex would have to wait. My girl was about as interested in sex right now as I was in singing karaoke. That shit wouldn't happen, and thus, my dick was only getting a small amount of attention, which sucked. Literally. Thank God.

The last few weeks were all about her. I massaged those scary looking feet of hers and cooked her dinner. I basically waited on her hand and foot. She needed it. Bella was miserable in the last weeks of this ordeal. Her back hurt constantly. The baby wasn't moving as much, but when he did, it was always painful.

The doctor said they were both doing great, and that Bella had a normal, healthy pregnancy. My girl agreed with the doc and went on pretending that this wasn't the worst time in her life. I didn't believe her for a second. I wished the kid would just hurry up and get here.

The only time she even looked remotely happy was when she was sleeping. It was the best time of the day for me. She wasn't flinching or frowning. Her expression softened, and her lips turned up at the corners. I could believe she was as happy about the baby as she said she was.

Me. I wasn't so happy. After putting some extra thought into this daddy thing, I decided it wasn't such a wonderful thing. Who wanted a crying monster that leaked from both ends? Hell, it would take years before I could even do anything with him.

Throwing a football at an infant wouldn't work. I couldn't take him fishing. He was small enough to be used as bait, which wasn't an option either. I could take him hiking, but I would have to pack him around in a pouch.

What the fuck was I going to do with this kid? Talk to him. No. Play with him. How?

Bella didn't have these doubts. She adored the boy and seemed perfectly content with the idea of taking care of him. It opened my eyes to how much he was really her son. For weeks, I thought about him just as mine. It was dumber than hell. She was the one that dealt with the pain of carrying him and having him.

Who was I? No one. She could have a dozen kids with anyone, and they would all be hers. She could have a dozen with me, and I would still see them as hers. I didn't know how I fit in with these two people. Hale would be born with a connection to her and not even give a shit about the guy standing in the corner with the fear in his eyes and the green pallor on his face.

I didn't know what to do about this. I was shit scared that for the rest of my life I would be on the outside of my own family and looking in like some kind of beggar. All I came up with to fix this was to be good to my wife. She was the connection between Hale and me. She would make this work. She would provide the magic that made us the family I wanted.

* * * * * *

**June 1**

Magic my ass.

Was it wrong to want to strangle a woman giving birth to your child? If it was, then I would grab the word wrong and own it gladly. My woman was absolutely maddening. Bella went all day without telling us she was in labor. She said she didn't know. I called bullshit on that. How the fuck could she not know?

She had a high tolerance for pain, but damn. When five pounds of mini-person tried to push its way out of you, shouldn't it be obvious? My book said yes. Her book told me to shut the fuck up. So I did.

Bella was stronger than I could ever hope to be. I watched her grimace in pain over and over for hours. Childbirth was not this magical, wonderful experience. It fucking sucked. She didn't yell at me or threaten me like people told me she would. That would have made me feel better. I wanted her to yell. It would take away some of the guilt.

The way it stood now, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was my fault. I wanted to cut my dick off and burn it. How could I ever think about having sex with her again when this was what could happen? We weren't having another kid. I couldn't take her crying and silently bearing all this pain. It was too much. And here I went acting like I had the worst part of this deal. I didn't. My part was easy.

We had a boy. He was an ugly, slimy little thing that screamed at the top of his lungs. Honestly, he scared me. Something so small shouldn't be so frightening, but he was.

Bella wasn't scared. When they finally handed her the troll baby, she smiled through her tears like the angel she was. Seeing that made me smile. She was happy, which meant I could be happy again.

I took another look at the kid. He wasn't so bad. His head was shaped funny, but I could look over that. He was wrinkled like a shar-pei, but we could iron that shit out later. Besides, I was fairly certain he was supposed to look this fucked up. I would have asked, but somehow this didn't seem like a good time for that.

When the nurse tried to pass him over to me, I put my hands up and backed away. "He looks better with his mom."

I got the look, the one that told me to hold our kid or risk angering Bella. When given a choice between the two, I wasn't sure which to pick.

_Ugly baby._

_Angry Bella._

_Ugly baby._

_Angry Bella._

_Fuck._

They gave me the kid, and a full minute ticked by. I could hear the seconds in my head. He really wasn't so ugly when I got a closer peek at him. He yawned, and it was almost cute. He blinked at me, and I sort of smiled. The eyes weren't so evil from this angle, and they didn't open for long anyway. I could almost see this working.

I looked up at Bella. Edward was standing next to her brushing the tears off her face and telling her how proud he was of her. She smiled up at him and started crying some more. Then, they both looked at me.

Bella's eyes were all love and devotion. Edward's said he would kick my ass if I hurt her or my son.

Reality hit me. This was my family. I got everything I asked for, and it was all in this noisy room with the machines and the people I didn't know. It was in my arms, and she gave all of it to me.

No. They gave it to me. Edward and Bella. They gave me everything.

* * * * * *

**Seven years later**

I was a full-time dad and a damn good one. I had this shit down. Make lunch for the kids. Work on numbers with our second boy. Get on to Hale for playing football in the house.

Two kids and another on the way. Damn.

In a couple months, I would have a bottle in my back pocket, a four year old tugging on my shirt, and a six year old asking where babies came from. I would pass that one on to Uncle Edward. He could make up some shit about moon beams and magic ponies. I didn't care as long as I didn't have to answer.

What the hell could I say? _When a man loves a woman, he lies and tricks her into staying with him. If he's a lucky bastard like your dad, he ends up with a perfect kid just like you. Bad behavior leads to sweet rewards. Now, go raise hell._

That was the story of my life. I was a prick that won in the end. I cheated and pulled stunts that should have gotten me shot but didn't. All of my crap led me here. I had a best friend that I could play pool with and talk about football. I had a wife with a good heart who still believed I was a good man. She was wrong. I also had two smart kids that were healthy and better behaved than they probably should be.

Kids. Wow. I still couldn't believe it.

Nathaniel Hale and Austin Hale. The first was blond haired and blue eyed like his daddy. The second had my eyes, but his hair was dark like his mother's.

Only the first one went by the middle name. He liked to lord it over his little brother that he was the original Hale. I set that shit straight by telling them both that I was. Little rats.

Bella was good. No. Bella was great. She spent her days with me raising our kids. Some would call this boring. We called it heaven. We woke up everyday and did what we wanted to do. Several times during the year, we would take off with the kids and spend a few weeks in a different sort of paradise.

Our boys weren't spoiled brats like I feared they would be. Bella was the disciplinarian, and she kept their shit straight just like she did mine. All three of us were in awe of the woman. She held the reins in this family and pulled on them with love and a low tolerance for bullshit.

Edward was still a constant in our lives. He worked at one of the local small town schools as a high school football coach. He and Bella were as inseparable today as they were seven years ago.

The only change was his wife, Lucy, but hell, she didn't care. She was too busy raising their two kids, Adam and Laura. Edward's family lived in one of only two other houses on this area of the lake.

Emmett had the other one. He stayed down here during his time off from the NFL. He was smart enough to keep Alice well away from us. I took no chances with my family, and everyone knew this.

We lost contact with Rosalie. We never sorted out our shit, and it wasn't sad for me that we didn't. The best thing for her was not being around us. She deserved her own life, and from the last I heard, she found it. I was happy for her.

Hell, I was happy for all of us. Well, there was one exception. Edward's boy, Adam.

I needed to keep an eye on that kid. When he found out we were having a girl, he promised to marry her. I had news for that little punk. That would not happen. Bronze haired grandbabies were not in my future. The Cullen kin did not mix DNA with the Whitlocks. It was bad enough that we already practically lived as one family. We damn sure weren't going to make it official.

Tonight, the family unit was out on the deck at our place like usual. All the kids were running crazy. The fireplace was blazing, and music was blaring all around us. I had a beer in one hand and a perfect image in front of my eyes. My girl was shaking her hips to one of her favorite songs. This was funny without her having a big belly. It was downright hilarious now.

Edward was sitting in a chair with his wife snuggled up to him. He was watching Bella with a strained smile on his face. He was dying to laugh at her strange dance. He managed to keep his laughter in check until she started singing along with Dusty Springfield. My girl's voice was shit, but her enthusiasm was still charming as all hell.

At one time, I associated this music with my grandmother. That was long gone. I may have burned the clock, but Dusty wasn't going anywhere. She would forever be associated with duck shirts and a night that resulted in my first son.

Bella waddled over and sat down next to me. "Penelope Hale. I like that name."

Anything. She could have anything.

I rested a hand on her belly and smiled when I felt a nudge. This was our third, and I already knew she would be a daddy's girl. Unlike the two boys, who both played possum for me most of the time, my sweet girl kicked at me like a mule. She would be one more gift to add to the many that Bella gave me and that I probably didn't deserve.

If I was honest with myself, the truth was ugly. Without her, I would have died a long time ago. She was the one that made all this possible. I was just the lucky guy that found someone who loved him unconditionally.

My girl liked to say I brought the sun into her life. It was a ridiculous notion. She was the sun, and through her, my shadows slowly faded away. She never gave up, and she never surrendered to the easy path. She walked at my side and kept me in line with patient love and honest hope.

Our life didn't have a picture perfect ending. We fought. We argued. We ran. We chased. We lived. We loved. It wasn't perfect, but it was mostly happy and better than I ever imagined possible. It just took us a long time and a lot of work to get what we had.

There were people that would say we shouldn't be together. The bad guy won, and the good guy ended up with a consolation prize. To them, ours wasn't a traditional love story. They were right. Ours was a story of two lives that came together and created a love only we could understand.

And to anyone that didn't like it, I had a few simple suggestions.

Live your own life.

Find your own love.

And go earn your own happy fucking ending.


End file.
